The Chaser Report - WAR STORIES: Are You Being Shagged? | Andrew

Episode Date: January 18, 2022

This Summer The Chaser Report presents... WAR STORIES! Andrew Hansen again joins the Chaser studio to talk more of his favourite sketches from back in The War days. Dom, Charles, and Andrew all take a look at one of the staple characters for a Chaser sketch, the fast talker. Plus Andrew brings back one of the longest running sketch series he wrote, Are You Being Shagged? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Instacart, groceries that over deliver. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Welcome to another summer edition of The Chaser Report. Looking back on some of the old TV days, Charles First here, I'm Dom Knight, and Andrew Hansen is with us once again, and Andrew, I think we've got to delve into the world of sketches. Yeah, I are. This point, because that was such a big part of what you did for the TV shows in particular. Well, especially because it was a sketch show, so we had to write some sketches for it.

Yeah, I often find that with the genre. I often find a lot of crime writers, I'm told, have to write crimes into their shows too. Well, I mean, people, I guess the stunts got most of the headlines, but probably the main bulk of the show was sketches in many ways. Yeah, I think most of it was, and I think about most of the funniest ideas were in our, probably in our sketches. I mean, I suppose that, yeah, the pranks got a bit of a talking point because it was new and different, you know, but I always enjoyed doing the sketches because you had a lot.

lot more control over the way it turned out and you could shape it and you could make it work properly you know also you can act which was a rare novelty in the in the group oh you're very kind you're very kind it's an overstatement but very nice of you well look now one of my favorite sketches can i nominate one please that's one of my favorite chaser tv sketches which was one written by chris taylor not an unusual thing every time i come on i'm presenting chris taylor's things but i love them i'm a big fan of his wonderful yeah i'm a big fan of his bits right. It was from one of the election shows, I think, you know, we were covering the elections

and all of us found one of the funniest things about election campaigns of those fast voiceover guys. Yeah. At the ends of campaign ads, those fast guys who say written and authorised by T. Rickman, Canberra. You know, something like that, or, you know. Well, what do they say? Or sometimes

written on authorised, the Liberal Party camera. Yeah, and there was the Brioloft night Liverpool Party camera. And all those... Oh, yes, yes, very great. And And every chase of election sketch ever done, to this day, has a very fast voiceover joke. I can't believe we can still think of new angles on it. Oh, we did, yeah. We used to end our own sketches with very fast voiceovers, yeah.

And they'd say, yeah, they'd finish the ad, yeah, by saying, you know, written or authorized by two. I'm in Canberra, I'm speaking this quickly because I'm a very, very fast talking. I'm very nervous person, or whatever it was. It started out, I think they'd just make observations about why they spoke so quickly. Yeah, you know, I'm speaking this quickly because I've got to catch a taxi in five minutes, or something like that. And we'd come up with all. these reasons why they had to speak so fast. And it's a funny idea.

Again, and like the crazy warehouse guy, of course, you know, it's funny to think, what if that guy just speaks like that all the time? And that's the only voice he has. He comes home, you know, good to his wife, you know, children. Good morning, daddy's home. What's for dinner tonight? We never took him out. We probably should have.

We probably should have a bit of fast-talking points. It's actually a good point. It would have been a very hard-to-do stunt, though, wouldn't it? Yeah, and going into public places and just go into shops and ask for things really, really fast. It would have been great. It's hard to do that. It's really hard to do that. I'm surprised we didn't do that.

I don't know why we didn't do that. I feel like we otherwise did every possible iteration of our stock characters. Yeah, yeah. That's one that got missed. We never did the fast voice-over guy. It's such a pity, damn it. Well, look, if they ever commissioned another TV show, of pranks from us, which is highly unlikely,

then maybe we can do that. Yeah. But anyway, Chris finally did bring two of these guys to life in a sketch where, you know, Craig, Craig Rucastel played the anchor of our election show. And he interviewed these two very fast-talking voiceover artists. And, uh, oh, look, it's just one of my favorite sketches. I find it a very funny sketch. I think it's very well written.

It's got a great structure. I'm not going to talk it up too much because you won't enjoy it. Just see what you think. And so as super fast voiceovers emerge as one of the key battlegrounds of the election. We're joined now to discuss the issue by Labor's very fast voiceover artist John McConnell in Melbourne. Thank you very much. It's a pleasure to be here. And in Canberra, the Liberal quick man, Ted Rickman. I prefer it if you call me Teerrickman, Canberra.

John McConnell, if I could start with you, Labor's been accused this campaign of simply copying the very fast reading start of the Liberal Party. Is there any truth in that? That's a pathetic and scurrilous lie. You know what Labor's reads are up to 10% faster than Liberals. and if elected, we promised to meet them even faster. Ted Rickman, your response? I've been speaking this fast since I first learned to talk my first words with mummy and papa,

and I could say them both in both in both. Sorry, to just let me finish, Ted. You and I both know very well. Ted, I just finish what I'm saying on. Ted Rickman, very quickly, because I want to move on to font size. Thank you, Craig, I'll be as quick as I can. We're just them very quick. I think the working families in Australia know that when it comes to talking quickly, it was me who wrote the book.

In fact, the book's also available as a talking book available in three different speeds, fast, very fast and chipmunk. Gentlemen, we'll have to leave it there, I'm afraid we're out of time. We should have spoken more quickly so we could fit more in. Ted Rickman, a final comment? T. Rickman, Canberra. It's so simple. It's got a lot of laughs in it.

My favourite line is Chris's, Chris's, when you should have spoke. We should have spoken more quickly so we could fit more in. Admonishing the anchor of the show of speaking too slowly. Yeah, it's a very funny idea. The voice that Craig puts on to be a news anchor is also very funny. It's funny in itself, isn't it?

And you can also, you can hear Craig trying his hardest not to speak quickly. Yes. Because he was clearly tempted to match the same speed as the other two. But it's got no, the other thing I love about that, though, is it doesn't really have any satire in it, which was nice for those election shows. To have, to have like a totally satire-free sketch that's just funny about a funny idea. Yes, it wasn't your first love, was it, the sort of meaty political satire? Oh, meaty political satire. Well, no, I don't mind.

It's also funny as well But, you know, it often isn't, isn't it? I saw, I saw, what was it, Paul McDermott was on Twitter the other day complaining that he was going on some TV show And they'd build him as a satirist. Oh. And he didn't like it at all. He was, he hopped on Twitter.

He would have hated that. Yeah, he said satirist. He said something like, a satirist is what you get when you hire a comedian and you don't want comedy. Something like that. It's very funny. And I've always done the same. I hate people calling me a satirist because I always think that sounds really depressing. If it's funny as well, that's fine.

It's amazing we managed to do so many election shows. Were there five, five elections? Yes, I know. How did we? Well, I suppose every election's new, I suppose. There was something different happening every time, I suppose. When Mark Latham, that was a series in its own, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, and they rolled around so frequently, didn't they? But about the fact, you know, we went to change. We had to have a new idea for the very last one And so the new idea was that it had a very large desk It was kind of the last idea It was the only thing we hadn't done yet, I think Was just that it had an enormous number of presenters So many that the...

All talking down the barrel Just like a real election broadcast sort of Except not at all like a real election broadcast No, it was very weirdly done What's better than a well marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue. A well marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kitty pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you

covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over deliver. report news a few days after it happens i want to nominate another favorite sketch of though which was which is not which which is maybe satirical in a way and this was more about back in the days of television you know like before streaming people knew there was a common language about the kinds of shows that everybody knew because you you you were given you were handed the shows to watch by the network and yeah there weren't a lot of options yeah yeah we all watched the same shows, right? And so, and everybody

knew, are you being served? This British sitcom, because it was played endlessly in Australia. And I think about, like, well, correct me from wrong, but I have a feeling that that show was played on at least three different networks in Australia. Quite possibly, but if I remember,

they even did an Australian version. Oh, I think they might have. Just one of the, Mr. Humphreys, whoever that character? No, they did. No, I think they did. Are you being served down under? Can you imagine? Oh, well, well, Well, anyway, the show was set, if you don't know why you're being served. It was a British sitcom set in a department store, kind of like, you know, Maya or David Jones or whatever, but it was called Grace Brothers.

We used to have a Grace Brothers in Australia. And a lot of the comedy was double-on-ton. So the show was full of, you know, these sort of double meaning, slightly rude, slightly rude jokes. And particularly one character, Mrs. Slocum, who I sort of feel like she's the main character. and she'd always come in and talk about her pussy and, you know, she meant her cat and the joke, but the... I actually found the show quite funny.

I quite like those heavy-handed double entendres and she'd come in and say something like, you know, oh, it was so cold last night, my pussy nearly froze. You know, and she'd talk about a pussy at great length. In every episode, right? In every episode. Oh, yeah, yeah. And they'd go with slight variations on what things could happen to,

her cat slash janetalia that made sense in both uh in both contexts oh yes her pussy would would go through all sorts of um traumas yes and um so anyway i i sort of had this idea it might be funny if instead of a instead of a double entendre where the rudeness is hidden what if there was a sitcom that was just a single entendre sitcom set in a department store so there was no there was no attempt to even hide the rudeness of what everyone was saying. They'd just come in and say something really rude. And I think we made five of these sketches. And I record the show, Are You Being Shagged?

Because that would be the obvious title. And so I sort of referenced some of the characters from Are You Being Served? I think Chris played the sort of older guy who owned the store. Rebecca Diunamuno played the Mrs. Slocum like character. I played this chortling, sort of cheeky guy they had. And Craig played the Mr. Humphrey's character. It was incredibly camp. And, you know, this was back in the days where it was a very wrong time back then.

It was sort of, you know, a lot of the humour was just the fact that this character was gay. We didn't even know about gays, really, Beck. We didn't know, no. No, who was? You know, this character was behaved in an unusual way. And we used to wonder why. Yeah, I remember Tim Brooke Taylor's character on The Goodies just completely going over my head in terms of what it all, what it all meant. Like the same sort of character.

Oh, yes. Yeah, well, that's true. Well, he was nowhere near as overt, I suppose. Oh, no, Mr. Humphreys was a hollow. So, look, now, I must say, I don't even know which of the five sketches, Lachlon, our producer, has even chosen. Hopefully it makes sense when you listen to the audio. Should we try? Should we try it and see if it makes sense?

Here it is. Zahy being shaked. Mr. Richards, are you free? Yes, I'm free. For a shag. It's only one meaning and one level laughs on are you being shagged. Sorry I'm late, everyone. I was up all night stroking my pussy.

You may masturbate. Spot on. Flicken myself off. No innuendo, just plain old obscenity. Oh, might have a mathily nuts. Sure, I don't mind if you suck my testes. Mr. Richards, I gather you're well stocked in the trouser department. Oh yes.

an enormous penis Are you being shagged Blatant, Bordy and British 1015 Friday on ABC Cool, it's a cold morning out there Your cheeks are quite rosy Mr Richards

Really? That last joke Doesn't quite work on audio But that was a shot of Craig With his ass out And having a red ass Always with the stunt ass Craig, Rickassel

It's a fine pair of buttocks I remember that sketch or those series of sketches as being Craig's finest acting moment. Yeah, he was brilliant. Craig was really, really. Craig did a very, very good Mr. Humphreys. But just hearing that then,

he didn't sound very... He was still Craig. Let's just manage our expectations. Relatively. I think you have to see him, maybe. I think actually Craig's finest performance, and you can't possibly play audio for this, is Mr. Trollolo.

Oh, amazing, amazing. Well, he was a dead ring. This weird viral video from Ukraine or somewhere. And, yes, just Craig somehow managed to do a perfect parody of that. That was very well done. But just to clarify the earlier point, there was an Australian version of Are You Being Served? It aired on Network 10. And it was exactly the same.

Mr. Humphreys came over to be in it. And the notion was that he'd been sent to the down under branch of the same store. But all the other characters were the same, but like with new names and new actors. Oh, how interesting. There was a new... And how pathetic is that? How interesting.

Like a different Mrs. Something talking about her pussy, presumably. Well, I quite like that idea. I'm going to look that up. I'm dying to see that. I'm hoping it's on YouTube. They made 16 episodes. It is on YouTube. Yes.

16 episodes. That's huge. There's no show successful enough these days that lasts 16 episodes on Australian television. And it came out in 1980. Yeah. Wow, wow. Oh, and it was, it wasn't Grace Brothers, it was Bone Brothers. So, imagine the fun they had with that double entendre.

Oh, Bone Brothers, yes, great, great. Oh, fantastic. Yeah, I know. In our version, it should have just been called, you know, penis brothers, I suppose. Well, the thing was, my recollection at that sketch was that it wasn't like you'd use a word with double entendre and then clarify that you meant the, I thought they just went to the obscene version. But no, it makes more sense the way. that we did it.

But did we air all five of those? Because one of the great kind of traditions of the Chaser is that whenever we make multiple episodes of a sketch series to save money on sets, we only use one or two. Do you remember Starship preposterous? Yeah, yeah, Star Trek. Fastly expensive parody of Star Trek.

Yes, it was the most expensive thing we ever did, this parody of a, yeah, parody of a sci-fi show. And we only should... We aired one of them. Well, they didn't work. It was terrible. It was terrible. Oh, dear, that didn't work.

We loved the idea, and it just did not work. Totally my fault Can I ask about stories from Oz, though, because we have to mention at some point during this podcast The Adventures of Active Inspector Clive Pugh And then you have another moustache-hoed police officer And I've seen them on stage at the same time Did I either be dressed up as a cop in this new series?

Because that's, I think, my favourite Chris character of all I adore Chris's police officer, yeah, I know Well, I sort of, I dressed as one when we needed a second one for a sketch about equal, it was called same-sex marriage. When that came in in Australia, we had the two police officers singing. But Chris does a good line

in talking like a officer of the law or laws. And that's one of the characters. He's got to have a singular and plural. He didn't work a police officer into stories from Oz, unfortunately. But Chris does play an army sergeant. And it's very funny because the least fit

looking army sergeant you've ever seen? Like how did how did you get through the physical training if you look at Chris puffing and panting running along this army track it's very funny very funny to watch yeah

he's the only military type it's actually an ensemble cast of seven though it's not as if stories from Oz just stars Chris and me no no no very wise to do that well exactly yeah no no no we needed people who could really sing and dance brilliantly

and so there's all these these brilliant young performers like Amy La Palma and Samia Funni and Phoenix Jackson Mendoza who were in it. Fiona Choi, who's very, very funny. You've probably seen Fiona Choi in a few TVs show.

Yeah, I think on stage too. And on stage, yes. Well, there you go. Stories from Oz is coming out later this year and we're looking forward to finding out exactly when, I'm sure the chase of social will tell you. Look, I'm bloody, I'm looking forward to finding out when.

They don't tell you these things when you produce a show. The network, you know, there's a lot of mysteries. It's weird at how many things. things I'm not allowed to know about, even though I've got this big fancy credit on the show. But it was all these documents. And I'd say something like, oh, you know, if anything goes wrong or whatever, say, oh, can I read that letter?

And they say something like, ah, no, no, that's privileged. And you go, but hang on, it's, but I'm in, I'm the head writer and my whole career depends on the show going well. Aren't I privileged enough to, and they say, no, no. It's a mysterious business. Far be it for me to suggest that a recent experience is the team might have might have produced that result. Yeah, it's understandable.

And I'm probably better of not reading any documents because I wouldn't understand them anyway. Andrew, it's been a delight looking back on some of the sketches from over the years. It's been a delight. I want to do this again. Maybe we can do this again with Chazzy. Yes, we want to talk about your ongoing battle against today tonight, which was definitely one of the highlights of the war years. Yeah, and a battle that we won.

You did. Because now it only exists in Adelaide, I think. Yes, exactly. But also you wanted with your ground game when you actually got trapped in their studios. We'll talk about that in a future episode. Aggies and Road Microphones are part of the Acast Creator Network. And look for another one of those in your feed very soon. See ya.

When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most, when your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecues lit, but there's nothing to grill, when the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer, so download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees exclusions and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver.