The Chaser Report - WAR STORIES: Jules Does Open Mic

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

This Summer The Chaser Report presents... WAR STORIES!Jules returns to our Summer Stunt Series to talk about another iconic Chaser stunt: the Open Mic. Jules, Charles, and Dom talk all the places they were able to find vacant microphones and put them to better use, which just may have been the first stunt they ever did. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Welcome to the Chaser Report. It is Thursday the 27th of January 22. I'm Dom Knight. Charles Firth is here. And amazingly, Julian Morrow is still with us next to the same pool. We're by on Tuesday. It's a pleasure to have returned so many days later to be here. Yeah. How was your 26? Did you do? Oh, I could tell you so many stories. Yeah, I had turned to a 45 yesterday. And aren't the numbers bad today as well?

Terrible. Yeah, they're good. They're bad. Cut out the right one. All right, we'll get into some more stories from the television days in just a moment. What's better than a well marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue? A well marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kitty pool.

Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. The Chaser Report, more news, less often. So, Jules, open mic was an idea. I remember when you first pitched it. I sort of thought, surely there aren't that many microphones that are just left on around the place.

But then I don't remember the first pilot we ever did for the election chaser way back in 2001. Or was it even late in late 2000? The first pilot we ever did at a by-election when you discovered that a microphone had been left on. Yes, yeah, yeah. And that was the very first stunt I ever did for the chaser. We'd all gone down for that Aston bi-election. I would go so far as to say, I think that was the first. stump we ever did.

I think that was the first thing we ever did down there. And it was because the Prime Minister at the time John Howard was supposed to come to this election event and his plane was delayed and so what you had was a, I think it was like a gymnasium or something full of shifting pensioners who were waiting for John Howard. In suburban Melbourne, right next to a nursing home, I think. And it was in a marginal seat and it was actually during a by-election and it was crucial that he win this by-election, and it was the first election since the GST had been introduced, and pensioners especially had been completely fucked over by the GST, and they were

angry. Yes, that must have been 2001, yeah, that's right. Yeah, but, but so we were, we had a whole bunch of ideas that we were going to do, but then somebody noticed that there was this long delay and that there were speakers occasionally coming up and basically apologising for the prime ministered not being there. And I can't remember who it was that had the idea. I think it was me. I think I just said, Jules. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. Every single member of the Chaser who I've said that to also said, I think it was me. The one thing I know is it wasn't me. Was it you, Charles? It wasn't me. It wasn't me. But yeah, so it suggested, well, it looks like that microphone is open. Why don't we go up and do something?

And as I remember, we hadn't actually written anything down. No, it was done on the spot. You wrote down. That was the genius of it. That was the genius. and it also made me amazed at your ability, because you just wrote down some bullet points. Well, there was no other choice.

That was the thing. I mean, at that time, and I think over the years, people sort of say, oh, I can't believe that you would do this or that. But it's kind of the opposite when you were in The Chaser, because that was our job to do something. And even though I, in the moment,

really would have preferred to be almost literally anywhere else, you know, the microphone was there. It was basically our job to, go on and do something. And so the idea was that I was John Howard's advanced guy, his warm-up guy, and that I was there to warm up the crowd. And I vividly remember one of you guys saying that I should do it because I looked like a liberal.

That was probably Charles. Resented this day, although, to be fair, probably was a bit true. Well, I remember what had happened is we'd all dressed up in suits and we'd all got in really easily. We'd literally just walked through security. There were lots of protesters outside. protesters from different groups and we just walked through them

into the hall and we've gone what now? We don't have anything prepped. That's right. But it was an example of, yeah, just the fact that you kind of

very superficially looked legit. I just walked up to the microphone and started sort of doing a warm-up routine by getting these pensioners to sort of chant that they were in favour of the GST and boo every time

they heard the name of the, of the opposition leader at the time. I think we tried to get, and this might have been a world, first. The world's first senior citizen Mexican wave. Yes, yeah. We did.

We got it. Yeah, if you've seen a senior citizen Mexican wave, you realize why there aren't many of them. Because it was like a medical liability unfolding in front of you. But that was quite fun. But then I encountered the problem that only occasionally happened in the Chasers War and everything stunts, but was a real problem,

which is basically we always assumed that the stunt would end by security coming in shutting you down and there is nothing worse when you've got a stunt prepared that and you're assuming that that will happen than it not happening because I was basically I did all the things that we thought about and then I did them all again and then I was trying to think of things and event and it became really clear that no one was going to stop me on that point by the way we'll get to APEC in tomorrow's episode of not getting shut down by security when you think you will be but no and and well we'll have a listen to it in a sec but how did you end it I think In the end, I did finally get someone walking towards me,

but I basically pulled the pin as soon as I could because, yeah, because we'd run out of things. And I've seen other people do, like, conference crashing stunts and those sorts of things over the years. And you can really see the moment where the prepared material ends. And you're just like, oh, what? Any questions? In retrospect, we should have turned up to every stunt with two extra stress to security guards.

Just to, like, why did we not do that? That would have made things so much easier. But it was, look, it was a fun day. And I suppose in a way, it was the beginning of the open mic concept. Because that never made it into the series for some reason. Is that right? Well, it was because it was from a by-election before the election. So it didn't really feel relevant to using the election chase.

I think we put it out as a DVD. Yeah, as a DVD extra. But then, because I copied it at the Wentworth Hotel years later and did get grabbed by security. So it's kind of bizarre that the same prime minister. a couple of years later, they still weren't still leaving the mics on. Yes, we were remarkably unsuccessful in changing the Prime Minister and remarkably

unsuccessful in making audio people realise that they shouldn't leave the mic open. But it's because if you're an audio guy and you see someone with authority, you turn it on. Yeah, yeah, that's right. It's natural reaction. And so we then started thinking that we could turn this into a segment.

And so we sort of started brainstorming places that you might find open mics. And the one that I remember most fondly is the supermarket open-mark. Because you know there's like the price check in aisle three type thing. I remember being in the writer's meeting and somebody suggested, what about doing a minute silence for no reason whatsoever in a supermarket? And one of those things that in the writers meeting we're like,

oh, that'd be really funny. But I think we all went, there's no way that that would work. but either because we'd learnt that maybe sometimes those things do work, but more probably because we were just desperate for any material at that point, we decided to go out and try it. And what was really amazing about it was that it absolutely worked immediately and really well from the very first moment. So the idea was that I just went to the microphone and said,

attention, ladies and gentlemen, we're now going to pause for a minute silence. No suggestion of what it was that we were supposed to be remembering. And it was one of those examples, I think, of people, people go, oh, everyone's so compliant or whatever. People look basically just polite. Like, if somebody says we're now going to pause and remember, and you have the tone of, we just said, we'll now pause for a minute and remember. No suggestion of what it was.

But who's actually going to be ballsy enough to go, oh, no, that sounds like bullshit, no, fuck of that. Because if you said, like, remember the great friend's spot special, which is just ended, That's right. Then everyone's like, yeah. Let's have a listen. Just need to make an announcement. Attention all shoppers.

The time has come for one minute's silence. So we invite you all to please join our staff by standing still where you are, bowing your heads for a minute as we remember. Staff are. Everyone's freezing in the whole place. Oh, my goodness. Sorry, everyone. I just had a bit of trouble with my stopwatch. We're just going to have to start that again.

Please bow your heads for one minute as we remember starting from now. Oh my God. Someone's just stopping a kid from a movie. It's a visual joke. This was the first guy. It was amazing that it just completely worked. There's another bit coming up where you see someone, like, scolding someone for not being part of it. And there was a woman next to you.

And she's just like, oh, he's supposed to be here. He's going to sit. Oh, someone's closed their eyes. People are just rooted in the frame. Sorry, I just got distracted. That was a little bit more than a minute, but thank you very much for your attention, ladies and gentlemen. gentlemen please with you in your shopping thank you that is

it's like the Stanford you know prison experiment it was just amazing that it worked so well and it's one of it and we had cameras in every aisle and stuff like that so that's pretty well as it happened but there was a lot of coverage a lot of shots and but also the delivery it just sounds so authoritative it's a gift that you have

that may be one yeah one part of it was just make it sound like it's just what's expected to happen and people people go with it But again, full credit to our director. I think it was Craig Melville, again, who suggested the lines about the false staff and not starting to stop on it and going a bit long, which really really added something.

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The Chaser report. Less news more often. Because people are starting to sort of go, hang on, this is definitely well than a minute. Oh, we went for quite a long time. I'm just thinking because in RSL clubs, quite often on on the hour or at sunset or whatever is they actually get you to do exactly that. Yeah, so it's not, it's not sort of, exactly, it's not out of the realm of possibility. And again, I mean, Stanford or the, you know, the Milgru experiments or whatever, I don't think it is about people being compliant. I think it's basically about people being polite.

Yeah, yeah. But, you know, we tried to come up with spinoffs off that concept, and it's actually quite hard to find places where mics are open. The one that I always wanted to do, but could never pull off. is like an office building because you know they have like the fire warden thing but it's much harder to get into like the back security room and they're always locked in and i think i think legal sort of put the kibosh on that but we did find a couple of other places domi you came up with a few suggestions which i think worked pretty well one of them was airports that worked pretty

well ladies gentlemen could i have your attention please paging the driver of a white 767, registration number QF413. Could you please return to your vehicle immediately, as it is illegally parked, and if it's not moved within the next 10 minutes, it will be towed away. Thank you for your attention. Nobody would be able. Not because they weren't there. Your attention, please, ladies and gentlemen. Could everyone in the terminal please bring $10 to gate lounge number four? I'd like to buy a light refreshment, and the prices of

this airport are so outrageously expensive, I just can't afford it myself. Thank you. Thank you. Your attention please, ladies and gentlemen. Could a member of Qantas staff please proceed to Gate Lounge 7 as an unauthorized announcement is about to be made there in about 10 seconds. Thank you. Your attention please, ladies and gentlemen. If there are any passengers in the terminal who know how to fly a plane, could you please move over to the Jet Star Terminal as we're seriously in need of decent pilot?

need of decent pilots. Thank you very much for your attention. Your attention please ladies and gentlemen can a member of Qantas staff please come to Gate Lounge 10 and escort me from the building as I really need a way of ending this sketch. Thank you for your attention. It gives you a filthy look there and so yeah you had to find your own ending. Well again that was I think your suggestion Dom to go out to the the terminal and we were amazing. that we did it, the mic was open, no one came to stop us, we did probably five or ten different terminals in the same day. We then had a few more ideas for other lines, a few days later,

and we went back again and still did it. And look, I would hate to think that this podcast could be responsible for copycat activity of any colour, but I'm pretty sure that those mics are still open to this day, and it may well be worth a try, and probably with a bit of thought people would come up with much better lines. But be careful about security because we don't want you to get arrested. Yes, don't get arrested.

But if you do come up with anything, don't email it to podcast at chaser.com today. We don't want to hear it. It is, I guess, a lot of what the chaser's what everything did, particularly that series was just exposed how many things are just assumed people will behave in a certain way. We conform, we do what we're supposed to do. Yeah, yeah. And it's usually about, yeah, slightly mimicking the proper way things are supposed to happen

and subverting it. But the fact that you don't immediately look like an intruder is the thing that gets you a bit of a bit of an opening but it was it was a different time back then you know people were more trusting you could get away with more stuff you wouldn't get shot or but wasn't it also that we were all white men my privilege yeah yeah there was definitely definitely a bit of that um but i reckon even today people would not be able to get away with that much stuff no matter where they came from and then also with time with the chases war and everything, actually people knowing what the chases wore and everything became

a bit of a curse but also a bit of an asset. Like I always remember the federal police who looked after the prime minister who would all, all the advanced parties would always come to us before we did anything. And when they knew that those weird people hanging around were from the chaser, that was actually good news for them because we were a known quantity. Yeah. They just said no projectiles. Yeah, exactly, exactly. And they'd always ask us what we were going to do and we'd always tell them. And then sometimes they'd look a little bit sort of disapproving. And I remember I said to one guy, I said, well, there's nothing illegal

about that. And he went, well, no, it's not illegal. It's just not very funny. He was right. Now, Jules, I want to ask you about one more thing. And tomorrow we'll get onto APEG for our final chat with you. But one of the ballsyest things that the group ever did was

your trip to the CIA black site where the interrogations were happening. People were renditioned. They were basically stolen from where they were. in unmarked aircraft flown to the other side of the world and interrogated and tortured basically in places that were just not off the map no one knew that they were there and you went to find one of them which is not what people were supposed to do during the war on terror no yeah it was it was a very silly thing to do in a lot of ways and maybe a silly thing to talk about in this

podcast as well because it was essentially a visual gag but I really enjoyed having done it and I don't think I've ever been as scared. I was much more scared during this stunt than anything that ever happened during APEC. Because the idea was that some media reporting had come out about where these CIA secret prisons were, and there was one in Poland. And so it came up with the idea of basically road signs to a CIA secret prison. So all we did was we went to where the secret prison was, and then we went to places nearby putting up signs saying,

CIA secret prison one kilometer this way and then various different signs. So it was a series of sight gags. But at the end, we went to the outside of the CIA secret prison. I set up with a loud speaker and did the little spiel. And, you know, I talked earlier about how the Australian federal police sort of knew who we were. And that was like a, that reduced the security risk. turning up to a foreign country and speaking in a foreign language is the very opposite of that. Yeah, this is not an English-speaking country.

No, yeah. So we were in the very north of Poland in a remote area at a top-secret national security facility. It was basically a gate. But when the people came out, they were talking to me in Polish. I couldn't understand them. They couldn't understand me. and I remember just how worried I was because it's not like they didn't have a reputation for taking people prisoner and then never being seen again. That was why I was there.

So that was another example where we had a fixer who spoke Polish and English and she did an amazing job in taking us from being from really I thought I was going to be arrested and whatever the verb of rendition is to getting away with. But then we got tailed by the Polish police for a couple of hours. And it was pretty scary thinking that we were going to get taken in and arrested. But thankfully, we got away with it. Well, the fix is about to come out of prison in about three years. Yeah, yeah, exactly. With good behaviour, she'll be out before the end of the millennium. Well, let's have a listen to the end of that stunt where you go to the gate.

And just looking at some of the signs in the lead-up that were there, like CIA present, not ahead. There were so many of them on the road. Like, there were about five of the middle. We did leave them all over the place. And I quite like that joke. but I think the signs that we can't read are Polish for Don't Be an Idiot and do a stunt here. Good afternoon and welcome to Starry Kiyutska. Unfortunately, there will be no tour of the CIA secret prison here this afternoon,

as there is no secret prison on these premises. Never has been. The CIA have definitely, I repeat, definitely never interrogated or tortured. people at this facility. Repeat no tour, no facility, no torture. And this is not a member of the Polish

military. This is not happening. I am not here, and I'm not speaking to this person. Hello. What is this? Polish? Polish. I don't speak Polish. No, sorry. I don't speak Polish. No. Just that was immediately a meter in front of the incredibly scary

gates, and you had a sign saying, well, Welcome to No Secret Prison. Yeah, but it was, I remember just being petrified. You could hear it in your voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was really, really. They could have pulled you inside the gate very easily. Who knows what we would have seen you again. But, yeah, I mean, very brave and shut down by security, classic chaser stunts.

Yeah, and I think, you know, yeah, in the history of chaser stunts, it achieved nothing. But it was, yeah, like it was, I suppose it was just a silly way. Well, they probably have made their secret prisons a bit more secret. quit now. Yeah, maybe. Or just they actually just do arrest you and render you. But I could have spent some time in Gitmo if I'd played my cards wrong. Well, talking about pissing off governments, tomorrow we'll delve into APEC. Catch you then. And Jules, would you just take him on 24 hours? Is that cool? I will not move for 24 hours, I promise. How gears from road microphones? Part of the ACASC creator network. Catch you tomorrow.

What's better than a well marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue? A well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled rib eye you ordered without even leaving the kitty pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over deliver.