The Chaser Report - We Accidentally Started Steak-Gate

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

The team take a look at the brand new social media laws designed to crack down on trolling, and ponder how we can troll the anti-troll laws. Meanwhile our star writer John Delmenico accidentally started a conspiracy over steak, and Lachlan aims his sights towards becoming a reality television star. Plus all the latest Chaser headlines with everybody's favourite, Rebecca De Unamuno. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, I'm looking at The Chaser Report. It is Thursday the 2nd of December 2021. Hello, Gabby Bolt. Hello, Domite. Hi, Lachlan Hodson. Howdy-duty. We're going to begin with what's on the show today because it's so exciting we need to speak about it first.

And let's talk about our outro topic because that's the most exciting thing on the show today. Sure is. Someone might be going on reality TV. Wee, we, we, wee, wee. Hi, it's me. The Loughlin Hodson, reality TV star. Yep, we're all for it. And you get to vote whether Loughlin should do it or not.

That's coming up. Just like reality TV. Yes, and the government is also taking big steps to combat the most important thing threatening Australians today. Reality TV. No, it's social media. Oh, I'm so glad that's being looked into. Yeah, that's what they need to look at right now.

Plus, John has instigated a conspiracy. Oh, we're always meant to report on them. We were never meant to start. them. Yeah, we'll ask him about that. And of course, we have Rebecca Dana-Muno in the Chastin Newsroom right after this. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca.

The same government that calls unemployed people lazy has announced they plan on doing 10 full days of work between now and August. The announcement comes despite outcry from the politicians' work union who claimed even 10 days was too much, and that if the taxpayer wants the government to do an extra day of work, it would have to come out of their pockets. Anthony Albanese has found himself in the middle of a lawsuit after a buffhead is suing him for defamation. The buffhead in question has stated that Albanese made comments detrimental to their reputation after they were called Peter Dutton. The latest Beatles documentary has shown new insight into what broke up the iconic band.

The documentary reveals that Yoko Ono in fact destroyed the Beatles from the East. inside by politely sitting in the background and saying nothing, while the band argued with each other. That's the latest headlines from the Chaser report. I'm Beck, the one and only. Don't you dare take me for granted again? So Gabby and Lachlan, it seems like the government's big pitch to win the next election is to beat up on social media, to get the executives into a parliamentary inquiry and tell

them what's what. Hell yeah, about bloody time too. That's not like governments to use social media to win elections. Do we not remember that earlier in the year, the government pissed off Facebook. Do you remember? Yeah. And they completely got shut down. How could we forget?

We were the only news site in the country. We know what happens when you anger Facebook. This is a terrible idea. Let Zuckerberg do whatever he wants. He can destroy everything with like one click. Zuckerberg is basically prime minister for all I care. I mean, all you have to do is turn off, Scott Morrie. Harrison's Facebook page and Twitter and Labor will win.

They'll be the only ones. They'll be the chaser news service of Australian politics. Maybe that's why Labor's so silent on this issue is because they're hoping that, hey, if we don't upset Zuck, he won't shut our accounts down and will win by default. Although, do you think Anthony Albanyi has any followers? I suspect not. I don't know if you guys have been watching Succession, but there's a plot point this season where a really useless hack policy,

who I think is the vice president, tries to get elected president by picking on social media companies. So it's good to know Schoemann's watching the best show on TV. Except that the guy loses. So maybe he's got to catch up on his binging. If we know anything about Scoma, he skims television.

He doesn't actually pay attention to what's happening. Well, I'm just trying to think, was there any other case where there was a big politician who had an issue with social media? Maybe his platform got launched by social media. Was there anyone like that by the name of Donald? Donald Trump. Yes.

Oh, yeah, I remember him. Actually, Donald Trump just started his own social media company. Oh, that's right. He did too. It's like the truth social or something. I really hope that he gets called the parliamentary inquiry that would be very entertaining. But look, Peter Dutton, to be fair, Peter Dutton's been very upset about some of the trolling he's received, some of the names that he's been called.

Oh, no. And that's just from Albanesey across the aisle. Because, you know, Peter Dutton hates it when powerful people don't care about the plight of vulnerable individuals. He just thinks that's really. unfair when he's a vulnerable individual. Well, look, and nothing says that you're a vulnerable individual more than crafting an inquiry that is literally called the combating online trolls and strengthening defamation

laws. That is horrid. Way to show your cards, guys. We're in so much trouble. But, I mean, I have to admire the principled stance of Greg Hunt, who apparently is leaving standing down as health minister, so we haven't had it completely confirmed yet. But he seems to be stepping down. And, I mean, this is a man who will fight for the rights of anonymous people on social media, evidently.

And why was that again, Tom? Was there anyone particular that he needed to keep anonymous? Yeah, was there a case that we remember happening here? I can't remember the name of that anonymous account that he liked. What was it? Oh, no, I remember now. Oh, yeah? BBW, come pumper 69.

How could I forget about that? There's the hill you want to die on. Well, look, I think that it's really fascinating. they're going for a social media inquiry because I thought that Scott already knew all of the issues there. I thought that we were all fine because as everyone knows and as Scott's told us, social media is powered by the evil one. Really?

Do you not remember? Only months ago, Scott Morrison did a massive talk to a whole bunch of churches and said that social media is the work of the devil. That's literally a quote from him. You know what? The devil works hard, but my social media presence work. fucking harder. Let me tell you. It is a job. It's a full-time job being satanic, I've got to say. I think they've got this the wrong way around. Like, rather than exposing trolls, couldn't the

government make a whole lot of prominent social media influences anonymous? Like, there's a whole lot of people in Byron whose Instagram accounts, I would like made completely invisible. Oh, I'd just love it if the government could eliminate all reality TV stars. And I have no ulterior motive there whatsoever. Oh, Lachlan. You'll never escape. The bottom line here, I guess, is that if you want to start a troll account, you've got to do it now for them. Now's the time.

And BBW cum dumpster 69. If you are listening. Pump bumper. Sorry, sorry. BBW. Come pumper 69. If you're listening, look, it was great while it lasted. Yeah.

We're big fans. Big fans. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. Fizz is 100% online. So you can make the switch. in minutes.

Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. Today is a very exciting day here at the Chaser office because for the very first time, certainly for me, we have John Delmenico here in person.

Whoop, who. Hi, guys. John in the flash. It's me a big difference for the audio listeners. The man who writes most of the website. John, what do you've been up to? What's been going on? I decided to come down because,

I've done something bad and I've caused a lot of pain and I need to confess. Oh, no. I'm glad. Well, I mean, we've done so much horrible things in this company. It can't be that bad. I'm glad you're hearing in person, John. This is important. I think Father Dom's here to forgive.

I don't know if you've heard, but there's been this conspiracy theory. It's been pumped by a lot of far-right people about Anthony Albanese and him baking cooking steak with Dan Andrews. Oh, yes, that weird picture of Dan Andrews and Albo with the barbecue. Like really a little bit awkward. Yeah, so my confession is that I started that conspiracy theory. You started a whole way. In response to that tweet, the top response is me as a joke because I don't remember

it's curry gate, it's like ongoing conspiracy theory. Oh, I remember that, yeah. That Scott Morrison doesn't cook his own curries. Oh, that he just steps in and picks up a ladle and someone else has cooked it, right? And so it turned out he does cook them. He's just shit at cooking them. So what did you write? So I parodied those and said, if those steaks were cooked on that barbecue, why is it so clean?

Where are the grill lines and why is the barbecue off? So I just thought you were being a smart ass when I saw that, because I looked at this yesterday. I didn't realize you were the top response, though. You were the first person in the internet. And I went to bed that night at like 1am, and the tweet was like not doing very well. And then the next morning I woke up and it had 600 likes and 50 retweets. Whoa. This is all on The Big Johnny Dee on Twitter, by the way.

If you follow along in real time. My personal account, I don't do these dumb things. from the work accounts where it would get money. I'm doing my own one where it's annoying to me. Too dumb for the chaser. And even too dumb for the intern's Twitter account. That's quite a bar. Nothing's too dumb for the interns Twitter account.

So I noticed this tweet and this tweet really worried me. John's right. I can't wait for all of you clown emoji to get your 14th booster shot and on a subscription. Then will you stand with Dan? P.S. They are running out of Greek letters in the alphabet. Which is true. Which all those, so all those were written in cards.

And the image is the blue, the thin blue line logo. And in the, in the ad, there's the word freedom. And there was American flags in the top. You've got the people who are with Gabby and the trade on the weekend go to the rally. Yeah. They're everywhere. I would like to know where the size 14 dresses are. I still haven't got one.

Worse is that it got picked, is that like because it got so much traction. United Australia started sharing it on Facebook. Oh, no. Craig Kelly got on board. No. Can we actually get his number finally once and for all? There was Jason Wood, who's an MP. This is like the post that made journalists confirm that he looks at Q and on, like, pages.

It's because he also posted, well, it was essentially what I posted, but in a much longer form. And not a joke. And broken up and not a joke. And then it's become to the point where Dan Andrews was even asked about it at a presser. And he had to like explain what had happened. And weirdly, he like, He admitted, like, General was like, oh, so he did barbecue it,

but he admitted that he didn't barbecue it. Really? So technically, you did prove your conspiracy thing. Yeah, he's, he said that he pan-fried at first, and then was putting on the barbecue the last second, and that was before we put on the barbecue at the last second. And he said that it's a very normal thing that everyone does when they barbecue steak.

What? Which it's not. It's not at all. I do not subscribe to the Dan Andrews Cookbook. Thank you very much. That's like Bill Shorten eating the sausage in the middle. It's people trying to be human beings and failing. John, you've inadvertent.

exposed a real conspiracy theory. I thought this is going to be you'd started it as a joke. And now you've exposed it and it's real. He didn't cook the steak on the barbecue. So in short, John Delmenico is a barbecue stopper. And I'm also at our guest Q now. The spectator and Daily Mail have both reported on it and connected. And like the person who started it and then implied that I was an anti-vaxxer and that

I was protesting. I think the Daily Mail even said I protested at Melbourne. So doesn't your bio say writer for chasing? it does and you know what that is that's massively defamatory yes you can sue the spectator at row and dean the company 35 grand well john it's always fun when uh we inadvertently play the internet like a puppet master well done and i guess the next thing to do is to invite albo and tan andrews over for a barbecue and see if they actually know how to cook steak juck another steak on the band Thank you for your patience.

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Less often. Lachlan. Lachlan, come. Get in here. Get in here. No. I want you to tell the listeners what you just told us. you've got an interesting message on your Facebook messenger, Lockie.

Oh, look, you know, we're in the media industry. It's all about the hustle. It's all about pushing yourself and saying yes to any opportunity that comes. I don't know if I want to say yes to this, Dom. What's the opportunity, Locklet? I was out of my lunch break and I literally just got this message from someone who seems to be part of the casting crew for a particular TV show. It's a reality TV.

show. Oh my goodness. Which reality TV shows do you think I'd fit on? The block. Do you really want me to answer that question? Yeah, kind of. Lego Masters? You know what?

I'll take that. I'll take Lego Masters. I've got it botched. Embarrassing bodies for sure, yeah. Letters and numbers. Hey. Survivor. No, it's not Survivor.

I can just see you in the jungle struggling. Yeah, I can see you and Jonathan La Pali are fighting. No, no, no. It's nothing physical. It's something a bit more, you know, romance-based. Oh, the Bachelor? The Batch. The Bachelorette.

Oh, my God, are you going to be on The Bachelorette? No, no, I'm not on The Bachelorette. And Tony Armstrong's hopefully the next Bachelor, so... Yeah, I think it's close for that. Not that. You might be on that. No. What other shows?

I don't watch this rubbish. Well, the rubbish that I've just been asked to maybe accept a casting call for is none other than Beauty and the Geek. Yes! Now, quick, as a beauty or as a geek? Clearly a beauty. Definitely a geek. You're a beautiful.

Look, if you haven't seen Lachlan Hodson, you're not missing out. Jump on the socials. I said geek. It's a miracle that he's single. It's because I work with him, though. I share an office with you. So you might be a geek. I mean, that's such a hard decision, isn't it?

Do you accept the characterization and just be a bit of heartbroken inside and go on the show? What do you say? I'm not a geek. I know. You go on the show, Lockman. I'm like really conflicted right now because obviously the chaser in me is saying you sell out. You sell out for. every opportunity you can.

But there's a tiny part of me that for some reason still clings to this idea of having dignity and not selling out and going on this show that I don't like the show. You know things that are better than dignity? What's better than dignity? Money. And also true love. Yeah, which you definitely find on Beauty and the Geat. You know what?

Okay, actually, I will say from what I have seen of Beauty and the Geek, and this is not at all me pandering to my future casting officer. But it does look like that show actually has a tiny bit more heart than every other romance reality show. He's already in, Gabby, he's already in. Okay, so how did the conversation go? Okay, so I was, like, I kid you not, Gabby and I were going out to grab sausage rolls. And I get this message from someone whose name is Isabella. I look at her profile.

She is the head of casting for the company for Beauty and the Geek. She sends me this message, hey, Lachlan, how are you? I hope you don't mind my message. I'm currently casting for Beauty and the Geek. when we're looking for single people between the ages of 18 and 35 who would love to participate in this fun social experiment designed to celebrate

our differences. I debate the word fun in that. Yeah, and also celebrate our differences. Calling someone a geek is not celebrate. It's happened to me a lot of times. It's mocking people. I've been in contact by random strangers before and called a geek. I just wasn't asked on television at the same time. Usually when I get called a geek,

it's by someone who's driving past me and shouting it from the back of their car. Exactly. The message continued, I came across your profile and was wondering if you or anyone you know might be interested. Thanks for your time, Isabel. It's beautifully. It's beautifully worded though, isn't it?

Rather than, hey, Lachlan, I was just browsing around looking for fresh meat and I found your profile and I thought you look like a fucking geek and I want to put you on television. So what are you saying? You and all your friends. I think that our audience of, you know, very lowbrow viewers will enjoy laughing at you. Well, the conversation continued. So I saw this message and I kind of just went, is this someone being funny? So I texted back, Hi, Isabel. I can't tell if it's funnier,

if this is a genuine or just a roast. And then she responded, no, Lachlan, this message is genuine, which was a bit more heartbreaking. Which is what real trolls would say. Anyway, no, let's keep going. You checked out her CV. Yeah, I had to look at her CV and I thought, look, got to take any opportunity that comes to me. So I message back again. Isabel, I know my fair share of beauties, geeks, and all the in-betweens. What do you need from me? She says, amazing stuff. At the moment, we're just searching for geeks.

Okay, but look, I think about this for our podcast perspective. You've been trying to get sponsorships, right? You know what's going to get you some fucking influencer cred? Going on beauty and the geek. You know what? I think it's best if we put the decision to the audience. Fortunately, you've given out your phone number before. text Lachlan and tell him yes to the show

or no preserves and dignity and I'm going to be frankly there's not much left Lachlan what's the number 0422-04-744 There you go That's the Lachlan hotline Also if you want to date him

Maybe we do our own beauty Because if he wasn't single That'd be the best possible excuse So you could perhaps save him from this choice Otherwise just tell him to go on the show Definitely you should go on the show So what about the others Assuming you're going on

I think we try and milk it I reckon we get all of them on there. So the other question is, do you go on legit, or do we try and pull a prank and hope that they haven't heard this podcast? Well, I don't think we're going to have to worry about them hearing this podcast. Isabel, if you're listening, I accept. Yeah! Good stuff, Lachlan.

Geeks, geeks, geeks. I'm finally the coolest. I really thought this was going to be my year. It's pretty magical. Text Lachlan and tell him whether you think you should go on the show or not. And our gears from red microphones, we're part of the Acast, Creator Network. and Lachlan Hudson is a geek.