The Chaser Report - We Fixed Pauline Hanson

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

As the first week of parliament begins so continues The Chaser Report's 'Fixing Everything' week, and today Dom and Charles set their sights for one of parliament - nay Australia's biggest problems: Pauline Hanson. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chase of Report. Hello and welcome to The Chase Report for Thursday the 28th of July. I'm Charles Firth and we're back with Dom Knight this week. Yes, yes. Hello again, Charles. How are you? How inspired are you at the swearing-in of the latest parliament, the new, completely different parliament that's going to solve everything with Labor and the teals and the Greens, guiding us to a better Australia. But, Dom, the more things change, the more things stay the same, isn't it? Because, you know, you've got all these new people, all argy-barging. But in the background, you've got the consistency that it's been around since 19, well, 1996, really,

of Bullen Hansen there just sticking it to the man, sticking it to the powerful and... You've got to say, Charles, I mean, we may not agree with her and everything, No. But she really, she sticks it to the fat cats, doesn't she? She keeps people honest. Yes. She takes down the big targets. She's not afraid to say what she thinks, Charles.

That's right. Both barrels. Yes. She's not beholden to anyone. No. You can't stop her. You can't stop her. She's a force.

She's a machine. So, you know, big, new parliament, she's probably picked a really important target that makes a big difference to the lives of the people who vote for her. You know, the strugglers. Yes. That she now is the sole representative of. Yes. that John Hauer's not there anymore.

What's she done? Day one of the new Parliament, how she just said, I'm going to make Australia better for the people who voted for me? She said, let's not acknowledge that indigenous people

were here before us. Oh. She's stormed out of Parliament. She's walked out. That's it. It's over for her. She's not going to sit in Parliament while they start,

if they start Parliament by acknowledging. When she's being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars a year to. to represent her voters in the Senate. Yes. And she's chosen to do that day one of the new parliament by not attending the parliament. Yeah, she's taking a bit of a leaf out of Scott Morrison's playbook.

We'll get to him. So day one, the thing she most wants to do to represent her people in the House is not to go to the houses of Parliament at all. It was. She did attend and then she stormed out the moment that they acknowledged that indigenous people existed here before 200 years ago. Is this a new thing in this? Did they not acknowledge country and the traditional elders and Aboriginal ownership before this? Or is this, did she just think of this now? Maybe she hasn't turned up before on the first day of parliament.

Maybe she hasn't bothered to go. Yeah, maybe she's stormed out because it hadn't happened before. Because you're right. Like, surely that's been happening for years. But no, apparently Senate president, Sue Lines, acknowledged the traditional custodians of the Canberra area and paid respect to elders past and present. No.

Which, well, look, and Hansen interjected yelling, no, I won't and never will. Wow. Wow. Finally, we've solved Pauline Hanson being in the Senate. We've solved it. She's never going to be there again. This is going to be the best Senate that we've ever had.

Charles, this reminds you. And all we had to do was acknowledge the traditional owners of the land. But also, doesn't that happen at every event she ever goes? So it must not. Maybe Pauline has never been to any event the previously acknowledged country. And it was the first time she's heard it. She's like, no way, not on my watch. But also, what does she think happened?

But what did she think? Charles, you're assuming that she thinks. You're assuming that she has a view. I do know, though, that when this sort of stuff comes up, she and people, her political fellow travellers, tend to say, oh, it's about dividing people. Why don't they acknowledge the white people at the start of parliament? Why don't we acknowledge the Aboriginal elders past and present?

And also white people, where's their shot in the past? Oh, it's so ignored. This is an ignored race. Charles, this reminds me of one of the strangest events I've ever been invited to. I got invited to this event at New South Wales Parliament. It was done by this weird fringe group, and they wanted me to talk about Donald Trump, and I had a Trump book out at the time, so I thought, okay, this is great. I'll go to the New South Wales Parliament.

I'll give a speech. And I can't remember what the group was called, but it was very, very obscure. And Miranda Devine was supposed to be there as well. I thought, oh, this would be a little bit spicy. She didn't even turn up. Right. Right. And I had to give a speech basically making fun of Donald Trump,

which was not very hard to do, having just written a book about it. Yes. But the first thing I said was, before we begin, I just want to acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, they've got to go people of the Euroination, and pay more respect to elders, past and present, as you do, as is polite at the start of any public event.

Yes. As soon as I said, acknowledge the traditional owners, about a third of the audience went, no, no, that's disgusting. You're divisive, and they left. Why? So you just got rid of the dickheads in the audience? As it turned out, there were lots more dickheads who stayed. It was a very fringe far-right event.

I presume some Nationals back venture had sponsored, given use of the Parliament. But, no, it was very efficient. As a way of clearing the room of assholes. Great. It's actually, I think this is a great move forward for Pauline. I think Pauline Hansen not in the Senate. Look, it wasn't achieved in the election. No.

But she's done it as self. Self-exclusion. Oh. But I still want to get back to. So what are, like, those people who stormed out of your event? Why don't they want, like, what's the, what's their objection to just acknowledge? It's very... Okay, Charles, imagine that you, imagine that you were a massive racist.

Yes, yes, yes, you didn't like Aboriginal people, right, okay? You had an issue with them. You'd always had an issue with them. Yes. You were the kind of person that, you know, was part of the problem many, many years ago. Right. In the modern era, yes. You can't just come out and say that I'm a massive racist and I dislike these people.

So you've got to cloak it in the last. language of reasonability, right, even though all you're really doing is just justifying your extremely racist views.

But isn't acknowledging the traditional owns of land sort of peak reasonability? No, it's not to their mind. In their mind,

it's special treatment. And that's the way that they, see, they have to find ways of expressing their dislike for Indigenous people

in the language of reasonability. So they say, well, it's just special treatment. We're not equal. We're not treating them equally. Yes, because people

aren't acknowledging that we weren't around here, 200 and future. years ago. And that needs to be acknowledged. If we briefly mention the massive trauma visited or any group of people that wasn't visited or anywhere else, that's unequal, Charles.

Yes, yes. But how do they account for the fact that, like, they are on the land that was traditionally owned? It's not really special treatment when it's just a statement of historical fact. Well, it's in many ways the least you can do. Like, what it does? What does is saying, we acknowledge it this. entire parliament that is meeting here today shouldn't really rightfully be here on land

that was stolen from you, we're just going to acknowledge that that's a thing that happened and then go on with the stolen parliament. Yeah, yeah. Let's just take a brief moment to acknowledge that this is, this whole thing should not have happened and is fucked before we get into deciding what to do for your life. Not even saying it shouldn't have happened. No, just saying, let's just acknowledge that it happened. Not even that it happened.

Let's just acknowledge that there were people here before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that some of them are still here. Yeah, for some reason, for some reason, something happened about 220 years ago that meant that, you know, they no longer are the only people here. It'd be like if, let's say you had a restaurant booking, right, you're about to start having dinner. Yes.

And I came in. Yes. And I kicked you off your table at a nice restaurant. I said, well, you can't eat here anymore. You have to leave. I do want to acknowledge, though, before I take your table and start eating, but you were here. I want to acknowledge that to think. Now I'm having my meal fuck off.

That's basically what I'd do in that circumstance. What? I would storm out. I would storm out. I would storm out. I would just storm out of the restaurant, Tom. That would teach me. That would teach you.

All right. Let's get on to the other person who wasn't in Parliament this week. Oh, yes. And this is Scott Morrison. At some point, should we go to an ad or do we just slot that in? If we haven't done an ad before, here's an ad. The Chaser Report. More news.

less often. You can get out of listening to those ads by going to chaser.com.com.com. You slash podcast, by the way, and paying nine bucks a month or even seven bucks a month on one plan to not have them. Now, Scott Morris and the former Prime Minister,

there's a tradition that even if you resign, you're supposed to turn up on day one and not be Prime Minister anymore. You're supposed to be sitting there on the backbench and basically accepting the verdict of the electorate. That's what's always happened. Even Malcolm Turnbull did it. Yes.

You know, Paul Keating had to do it. It's just part of the ritual. Even if you then fuck off and retire, You're supposed to turn up, but Scott Morrison didn't do that. No. He had booked a speaker's event full of other former prime ministers who've been disgraced, people like David Cameron. Yes.

In Tokyo. Yes. And he said, well, the Albanese government didn't consult with me about the timing of the parliament. But so, Dom, can I just correct you there? My understanding is he claimed that that was the event that he was going to. Uh-oh. But it turns out that event has already happened.

That happened... I'm out of date on this. In mid-July. That was the 15th and 16th of July. Oh. So that event was not the event that prevented him from going to Parliament. And there is no record of any event involving any past or present leader being on in Japan this week. Well, Charles, I don't want to be cynical of a former leader of this nation.

Of a highly respected leader. Of someone who guided us through the pandemic. Oh, yes. With just a loss of a few months of vaccine rollout. But does anyone check the beaches of oil? We just check, because there's actually a New Zealand parliamentarian. Did you see this? Who said he was working and was in Hawaii.

It just seems to be the vortex to which politicians disappear. Look, I've got a theory, and it's a very outlandish theory. Right, Dom. So I wanted you to sort of take it in your stride because you may become a bit insulted about what I'm about to say about Scott Morrison. But is there a possibility, is there a reality in which Scott Morrison may have, and I know this is a strong word, but I'm going to use it anyway, may have lied about the fact that there was some sort of meeting on in Japan.

Is that possibility? Is it in Scott Morrison's character to lie in order to get out of doing some work? Charles, it doesn't sound like a sort of thing. that would have been precedented before. And I'm sure that the voters of Cook will be quite shocked by this, as they will by the notion, that they will be paying him

as to the taxpayers of Cook, paying him to turn up for a job that he doesn't do. The notion of Scott Morrison having a role and not performing what's traditionally expected of that role, it's shocking. It's devastating. It is.

You know what he should have done? What should have you've done? Is he should have turned up on day one, and then as soon as they acknowledged the judicial owners fucked off and claimed it was a a political process. So, Charles, I just looked this up while you were speaking.

And what seems to have happened is that the event starts tomorrow. The event starts on Thursday. Oh. Now, I've flown to Japan many times. It's almost always an overnight flight. Yes. He could quite easily have gone to the first day of Parliament, taken his lumps, sat on the back bench,

watched Peter Dutton, you know, not worn a mask because this is the new thing. The lefties wear masks and the righties don't wear masks in the parliament. And then he could have just taken overnight the red eye to Japan on Tuesday or even Wednesday night. Jetstar. He easily could have turned up. Jetstar have a flight. You've got to stop in the Gold Coast, but he would have enjoyed that. No, it would have been good.

He could have caught up with Club Parma. Yep. He easily could have made day one of the parliament. Yes. If he gave a shit at all about doing the job that he currently holds. The problem, though, is I assume he would have been going Quantas. Yeah. Yeah.

And they would definitely have lost his bags. Oh, that's true. So he would have turned up and not had anything to get dressed in the meeting. So probably turning up a week or two beforehand is probably the only way. It's probably not a bad idea, actually. He would have had time to go down to Uniclo or whatever and just get a new suit. The other thing, his other reason for going was to be able to pay his respects to the late Shinsoa, the Japanese Prime Minister.

And I'm sure, imagine what that would mean to the people of Japan, to have Scott Morrison there to do that. I mean, Anthony Albanyers, he already did it. Malcolm Turnbull already did. Tony Abbott. Yes. In fact, everyone who worked with Shinsu Abbe, they've all come out and paid. They did that right after he died. Yes.

I don't know if you're aware of this, but it's been a while since Shinsu Arbe died. The time for condolences is actually over, Charles. Yes. Like the vaccine rollout, I think Scott Morrison, he's never been embarrassed by being late to the game. Well, he was too busy visiting Margaret Court's church. That's the other thing he's done lately. He's expressed his lack of faith in governments. And I have to say, I think he's right about that.

Yes. I think looking back on the past three years, I too share a lack of faith in government. Yes. I mean, and he was at the cold face of that government. He would have been seeing the decisions of leaders every day being completely stuffed up. Because it was him. In many ways, he should have just said, we have no trust in government. Thank you very much.

Mike drop, I'm done. That's my job. That's what I've accomplished. I'll tell you what, if he had gone to the election with that, yes. Well, you would have seen a result pretty similar to the one that we got, yeah. However, Charles, we should acknowledge the Albanese government now is sitting. It's got its members there, and has it yet begun on day one of the parliament to underwhelm? I mean, we've had the, the graph's been doing the rounds.

I don't know if you've seen the graph that has the climate impact of the 43% cut that they're going to legislate. I think they've got the numbers to do that. The 43% cardine emissions versus the impact of all the new coal and gas projects that are going to be approved. And spoiler alert, the new projects are going to have a far, far greater impact than reducing our emissions to 43%. So some people are suggesting that this government may not really be committed to the most impactful change. Dom, we addressed this last way.

You weren't here. I wasn't here. But we did address this, which is, And this is why we're holding that this week as being the sort of week that where we solve the world's problem. Oh, yes. Which is that everyone's position from the Greens to the Labor Party to the Liberal Party, all of them result in the complete destruction of the planet.

Right. It's just about, you know, how we go out, basically. And so the Greens position is let's have a whole perfect set of legislation that never actually happens. Yes. So you can do that. So just literally, it's aim for perfection

and not get anything up. Yep. To be fair to them, they've got a good track record with that. Oh, very good track record of them, man. Labor's position is to do underwhelming stuff with a whole heap of coal mines

out the back, you know, just sort of being built anyway, that will again lead to total destruction of the planet. Yeah. but has a chance of being sort of legislated there

as the way that we destroy the planet. And then the Libs, well, they just are aiming for the destruction. Well, they're at least honest about it. Yeah, yeah, that's right. I mean, I saw on Twitter, one of the Labor MPs, it may have been Chris Bowen, I can't remember, shared a video of all the times Peter Dutton has mentioned climate change. And there are three.

Three times. I think 21 years in the parliament, he's mentioned three times. And one of the times, well, it was that really good joke that he did about all the Vanuartans. I don't think that counted as one of the three times. Drowning. One of them was, they were all being critical of action on climate change, as you would expect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But at least, you know what you're getting.

Yeah. No one's sitting there going, well, isn't Peter Dutton going to save the planet? Don, not to sort of spoil your righteous anger at the Labour Party, but isn't this exactly what Labor went to the election on? Didn't they go to the election on 43%? They kept on saying 43% by 2030. And it was kind of this weird prime number that you sort of just went, oh, yeah, 43. And they also never committed to shutting down all the, you know, any new coal mines.

They also didn't say that they were going to stop new coal mine. Well, this is the genius of what Labor's done. So they've got a mandate to destroy the planet. Surely they should be allowed to implement their mandate. This is the thing that's so impressive about what Labor's done, is that they've avoided getting, you know, bogged down in the no new taxes and all this They haven't made any promises that they can't easily keep. And I think 43%, I think this is what they're going to be doing across government.

They're going to be doing 43% more than the Morrison government in every area. Yes. And thereby, they'll set the bar incredibly low to do 43% more. Any health, social, safety, net, anything you want. 43% more than Morrison is literally next to nothing. Yes, that's right. It's literally next to nothing. Yes.

You've got nothing. Nothing's been done. and you do a slight thing, and he's done 43% more. Yes, I love it. And they won't have broken a single promise. Yes. Anthony Aberdezzi may not be very impressive. You may end up being deeply underwhelming,

but still 43% better than Scott Morrison. But don't you, look, can I just do so much? I don't think he's deeply underwhelming. No, he may be deeply underwhelming. He's like the well-meaning, like P&C president. He's sort of whelming. Yeah, he's whelming. He's like the guy.

He runs the barbecue for the local PNC, and like he doesn't grill the sausages very well. No. The onions are a bit burnt. And the bacon's not crispy. It's just not quite right. Yes. But he's okay.

He's trying. He's giving it a go. At least he's better than the last guy who gave everyone salmonella. And he really believes in barbecuing, right? Yeah, yeah. He thinks that barbecuing is important, and no one has a heart to tell him. He's not very good at it.

Yeah, and also the fact that he's just opened another coal mine. He does keep providing coal-powered sausages. He never said he wouldn't open a new coal mine. So there you go. That's the new Parliament. Welcome. And as long as it's 43% better than the last Parliament, I guess they'll get re-elected.

Our gear is from road. We're part of the ACAS creator network. Catch you tomorrow. Which will be 43% better than today's episode.