The Chaser Report - We had the second wave first

Episode Date: June 25, 2020

As Melbourne goes back into lockdown, Dom and Charles attempt to avoid interacting with Andrew, who lives in Melbourne. Plus, we take a trip to Serbia, where Novak Djokovic's attempt to organise the first post-Covid tennis tournament experienced a slight logistical problem what with Covid still existing, we explore more fabulously nauseating celebrity isolation videos, and discover the most craptastic Bluetooth device yet. All that plus the latest Chaser headlines you can’t trust from Rebecca De Unamuno. 
 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In times like these, it's important to know who you can trust. At last, a new source that's reliably reliable, informatively informational and never wrong. Unfortunately, you're not listening to it. Instead, you're listening to the Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the show. I'm Charles Firth, and with me is Dom Knight. And I'm afraid to say, we also have Andrew Hansen here down the line from Melbourne. Yes, which is where I live.

Andrew, shut up, shut up. We don't want to interact with you. You'll give us COVID-19, Hansen. What do you mean? Didn't you see the news on Wednesday night? The New South Wales State Government is warning against travel to Melbourne and says organisations in the state should not interact with Melbourne citizens. Do not go down there and certainly I think it's the prerogative of every business,

every organisation, not to accept anybody from those hotspots at this time. is basic pandemic management? Basic pandemic management, don't interact with Melbourne citizens. I think that's just a good philosophy for life, really, isn't it? I mean, at last, at last. Although that said, in one of our wonderful mini episodes, Andrew actually outlined at Vladimir Putin's house. He has a tunnel of disinfectant that everyone has to travel through if they want to chat

to him. Maybe if Andrew can go and have a bit of a bath in one of those. Oh, look, we have had for many years a tunnel of disinfectant in Melbourne. It's called the Yarra. I think there's a tunnel of infectant, Andrew. Anyway, we're not supposed to be interacting with you. I can't believe. I feel dirty already.

You've broken the rules. Yes, ah, what are we going to do? How are we going to do this show with bloody Andrew Hanson down the line? All the listeners. Put on a N95 mask, Hanson. Wrap yourself in plastic bags and paper bags. And take a bath in the Yarra and then... Come and talk to us.

Okay, I've got my gear on. It's safe to talk now. I've got my gear. This is going to be a great show. Coming up, we've got Novak Doakovich's whole tennis tournament. We've got celebrity isolation videos and we're talking tech gadgets. But first of all, let's go to the Chaser Newsroom with Rebecca Day and Munoz. The federal government has announced it is setting up a royal commission into everyone who John Howard has ever called a good bloke.

It comes after Mr Howard reaffir. affirmed his support for former High Court Justice Dyson Hayden and wrote a character reference for Cardinal George Pell. The commission will begin immediately, starting with a full investigation into Donald Bradman. Donald Trump has announced a ban on testing in schools in a bid to wipe out illiteracy. The plan comes after Trump ordered the testing of coronavirus

to be scaled back to stop the spread of the deadly virus. But the teachers' union has hit back at the plan, calling it the stupidest thing they've heard since the last thing Trump said. Teachers say testing is an essential part of their process as it gives them the ability to complain about all the marking they need to do. A man who thinks getting offended by lolly names is ridiculous has said he's offended by Nestle's changes to lolly names. Nestle announced it was renaming its red skin and chico lollies.

The man said he was outraged that people were so easily outraged about things nowadays. That's the latest chaser news. Check out chaser.com.com for the latest updates. Thanks, Beck. Hey, Beck, were you affected by the cyber attack this week? No, no, I wasn't. I'm not really connected to the internet that much anymore. Are you trying to have a break from social media, are you?

No, no, I've got the MBN. It hardly ever works. Oh, right. Well, of course. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. This episode is brought to you by Tourism, Victoria. Travel to Melbourne and stay there, because you won't be able to go. home.

Charles and Andrew, as you know, it's a time when sport is only just starting to return very, very slowly and carefully. They've got strict infection control protocols, and there are no crowds anywhere. That's the way sport is now, except in tennis, where the men's number one Novak Djokovic just organized a charity tournament called the Adria Tour in his home country of Serbia. Now, it was unsanctioned. The tennis authorities thought it was a bad idea, but it still attracted some of the world's top players

and thousands of fans. Unfortunately, the wash-up from this wonderful initiative has been slightly controversial. Here's how CNN reported it. When you're the world tennis champion, you don't want to be in the news. What do you think Novak Djokovic has done that's gotten him in the news?

Did he lose in the first round of his own championship? He definitely lost something. You're on the wrong. right track when you're the world tennis champion you don't want to be in the news for oh i hate to think whenever someone's in the news it's not blackface again is it i mean it'll be bubbling it'll be bubbling oh bubbling todd carney's oh bubbling that could well be it or something to do with a dog i dread to think what he's in the news for what's it's pretty bad but no animals were hurt during the course this this is what he's done in the news for limbo

dancing in a crowded nightclub during a pandemic. Oh, no. That's what he did. Novak was, he had his shirt off, as you do, on a very sweaty dance floor with lots of tennis stars around him. Oh, how did he do, how did he get underneath the bar or were those huge Jokovic pecks too large to fit on? Oh, he's very flexible.

Because here's the thing, if you find yourself in a sweaty nightclub in the middle of a pandemic, this might happen. But that's where Novak Jokovic finds himself today, testing positive. for coronavirus after organising a tournament that was meant to... Yeah, shockingly, Novak has COVID-19. What do you think his tournament was meant to do? It'll be deeply ironic, going to be, to raise awareness about coronavirus.

Yeah, yeah, or actually cure a tournament that was going to cure a coronavirus. Permanently. Is that what it was? Not quite. Here's what he was hoping to do. That was meant to ease tennis out of lockdown. Yeah, it was meant to help tennis get back to normal. In a nightclub, you know, then it might have a chance.

I mean, if he just stuck to the tennis, maybe. He decided it was time to come back. He organised this tournament and got a lot of his mates to come out and the crowds came. And what happened was that Novak, Novak's wife and three other players contracted COVID-19. In fact, there are photos of Novak arm in arm cuddling with the other three who also got it, the three players. And it was such a terrible idea to do this tournament that even Nicky, Kirios. Oh, it was stupid.

He tweeted, don't at me for anything I've done that's been irresponsible or classified a stupidity. This takes the cake. Oh, look, if you've got Nick Kirios being more clever than you, you've got a few issues, don't you? Nick Kirio is voice of reason. That's right. He's a responsible one.

It's a new role. He should be in charge of our coronavirus response, I reckon. Let's put Kyrios in the top job. Yes, Chief Medical Officer. Well, look, he's very good at throwing in the towel, and that's what's required for months at a time. But look, Djokovic, of course, is very sorry for his role in spreading coronavirus to several top tennis players. And he concedes that this may have been poorly judged. This is what he released after this came out. He said, I can't express enough

how sorry I am for this and every case of infection. Everything the organisers and I did in the past month, we did with... With what? Oh, with a huge belly full of vodka? It sounds like everything they did was with coronavirus coming out of every four in their body. Here's what he said. We did with a pure heart and sincere intentions. Oh, well, that excuses everything, isn't it? He's off the hook. Isn't that Dyson Hayden's defense at the moment?

Good intentions. Pure intentions. So was this an isolated moment of extreme dumbness from Novak Djokovic? Yes, I suppose it was, probably. No, it wasn't. Uh, here's what CNN said about that. This isn't the first time tennis is men's number one has faced criticism for his views on the virus. It certainly isn't.

Along with, uh, it's a really good idea to hold a tennis tournament now. What other wacky beliefs has no, that do you think, expressed on COVID-19? It'll be that Swiss vitamins work or something, something incredibly controversial. Well, yeah, it'll be that Pete Evans machine works. You know the one, the glowing machine that was $15,000? The biocharger. Yeah, the bio. Charger, yes. Is he in on that? He's actually got a lot in common with Pete Evans, as we'll go on to

discover. But this is, no, it's a separate piece of dumbness that Pete Evans also shares. Have a listen to Novak's views on COVID-19. In April, he said he was against the idea of being made to take a vaccine for COVID-19 in order to travel and compete in the future. He's an anti-vaxxer. And for credit to Novak, he's found a way of avoiding ever getting that vaccine. It's true. But look, I feel so. I mean, of course, Novak didn't intend this. But the problem is he's just not very good at making health decisions.

Although, to his credit, there is one thing he said that I can entirely get behind. He said in a statement, I am no expert. That's absolutely true. The other thing Novak believes, he thinks that his body can heal itself. So he actually put off surgery on his elbow for several years while he's waiting for it to heal itself. and his former coach, Andre Agassi, actually just severed their relationship because he saw the MRIs of Novak's arm and thought, no, this is just ridiculous. Charles, you actually also smashed up your elbow recently coming off a bike.

Did you let it heal itself for several years? Oh, absolutely. That's why I can't even lift a cup of tea anymore. Well, neither can Djokovic, but that's because he's got COVID. That's true. But look, he eventually, after teas, he gave in and had the surgery after. many other people had won Grand Slambs without him there. But I think one of my favourite beliefs of Novax is that at Wimbledon,

he always eats the grass. It's on, played on grass, and he eats the grass. He says it tastes like sweat. Look, what is he? A man or horse? It's an extraordinary thing to do. And if it tasted like sweat, why would you eat it? More importantly, if I mean. Well, as he says, I am no expert.

The Chaser Report. News you can't trust All right, Dombey and Charles I think it's time for us now to look at the wonderful wisdom of celebrities in the delicious segment known as Ice Celebrity

Yeah, isn't this wonderful I mean Australia's doing quite well really We're sort of, you know, a lot of us kind of going back to work and restaurants or whatever but you know the good thing about the celebrity video world is of course other countries, you know, they're still locked down thank goodness they're still locked down well i know because otherwise they'd be making

movies and you know and disappointing things like releasing albums or whatever they normally do high quality productions i mean it would just be awful yeah that aren't cringe worthy because they've actually been through a term of writers because this is the whole thing with the celebrities like why do they do it when like they've made their whole career on saying other people's words and then they think that they should come up with their own words they're morons well you i have a treat for you, Charles Firth, because let's start with this veteran British actor who is, you know, who does normally act

with the words of others, quite often the words of Shakespeare. Although he's a writer himself, actually, as well. Better than Shakespeare? Well, look, you can be the judge, you can be the judge. He's wonderful, actually. I actually think he's quite terrific, but interesting, you know,

when he's not got a script, this guy, his videos become quite interesting. Now, he's famous, especially famous in the UK, for, I'll give you a hint, he's famous for Zed Cars, ever heard of it? I Claudius. I'm assuming this is one of the Doctor Who's, if you feel such a fan of him.

Well, you know, you'll have to decide. The Henry V fifth movie, small role in blackadder and pepper pig, no less. He's quite an interesting TV. Pepper Pig, who wrote the presence of royalty. Yeah, we are, we are, Domit, and especially famous for his. his very loud voice.

Now, see if you can guess the actor, and more importantly, can you follow what in shit's name he's trying to tell us in this video? I mean, my lovely log cabin, I'm writing my next two books, some of my short stories, my favourite stories, and some of my great adventures that I'm not really written about. It's amazing, you know, that how much has been explored in this world, but there's so much unknown.

I mean, thousands and thousands of animals in South America, plants, animals, but are unknown. It's the 23rd of May. I bring this lockdown, here, I've got my dogs here, censor. Can you got the camera? Can you move with me? There we go. Look at this here. Look at this.

Charles, who is the actor and what's he on about? It sounds like Ian McKellen. Is it Ian McKellon? You're incorrect. You're incorrect, no. And I think also Ian McKellen can follow a single train of thought. That was my guest, too. I presume they went to the same school

where you learned to talk like that from age five where it's just kind of like, you know, can I have some money for the canteen, please? There's a British actor's school, dummy. I think he was talking an iambic pentameter, Andrew. I think you're just missing the brilliance of it. I mean, it made as much sense to me as most Shakespeare plays. Well, perhaps that's the diagnosis from the doctor,

I'm afraid you have a bad case of Iambic panameter. Well, look, no, you haven't guessed correctly yet. It's a nice video, it's a nice video, I should say, like in the midst of all this awfulness and the pandemic, terrible stuff. He has this wonderful message of hope for us, delivered, as you would imagine, Charles, in a way that is just as accessible as you'd expect from a Shakespearean actor who normally talks in Iambic pentameter.

Let's have a listen. We have hope, ladies and gentlemen. gentleman, as Pandora released that little casket, and out flew, I mean, all those furrets, and then she's realized what she'd done, Pandora, to try to close the lid. And her voice said, let me out, let me out, and out flew with iridescent blue wings. Hope. She said, I am hope. We have hope.

Very, very powerful. I mean, is this a portrait of a man falling to paces? Andrew, I mean, it sounds so beautiful and in-toned. I wonder if that's just how he speaks, like, around the house. But when you say, I, Claudia, the only person that comes to mind is Derek Jacoby, but he's not around, I think he's around. But he's not around in this particular video, I'm not right. Incorrect.

Is this the sort of British version of Play School or something like there? Was that actually directed at sort of three to four-year-olds? Okay, that's the references they're brought up on. We need to know about Pandora's Box next. So is it John Hurd? Oh, not a bad guess, but no. And John Hurd is no longer with us. Oh.

No, it's not John Hurd. But definitely, you're all in the right territory, I think. You're very much in the, you know, the people who went to that school. I don't think we have your level of knowledge of BBC drama professional. Well, probably, no, probably not. In fact, well, let's see. At the risk of totally giving it away, I'll give you a big clue. This actor has a famous quote from his appearance in the movie Flash Gordon.

Oh, oh. Now, well, let's, before we. we guess, Charles. Let's just listen to a bit more of his message of hope. And I think what you'll really enjoy here is how seamlessly he slips in his famous catchphrase, Gordon's alive. The sun is shining again. We've got a lovely spring. And I, you can kick the pandemic, the virus into the middle of next bloody week. Bullocks. Bugger off. Gordon's alive. Very seamless. It was nicely worked in.

He's just, that's, that's Patrick Stewart, isn't it? It's, uh, at the pub. No, it's not Patrick Stewart, but even this is, this is the big challenges you have to remember. He talks the same way. He does talk the same way. They all talk the same way. It's the R.S.C. Who the hell is it?

I'm going to give it away. It's Brian Blessed. It's Brian Blessed. I knew it was someone you cared more about than I did. But when was Brian Blessed on Pepper Pee? Well, a lot. He's the voice of Pepper Pig, haven't you? Dear listener, if you're not familiar with Andrew Hansen, this is his world.

He hasn't heard of most celebrities. But Andrew had a picture of Brian Blessed in his bedroom, like above his bed to stare at all night long and just one day I could be Brian Blessed. That's true. Well, let's look at. I forget which character he plays in Pepper Pier. I should look it up on the, can anyone find it on the, internet.

Yeah, I'm just looking up now. Just says he is, Pepper. He's also been in the Phantom Menace, too. So he's had some rough breaks as well. Broderner. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, that was Brian Blessed.

Fantastic video, actually. It's actually really uplifting, even though it's very, very hard to follow. Brian Blessed plays Grampy Rabbit. Oh, there you go. In five episodes. Oh, that unforgettable character. Yeah, Grampy Rabbit. Now, an actor with an equally distinctive voice guy.

Now, I've just had to bleep out some moments in this clip where he kind of gives away who he is. But here he is, he's an American actor, acknowledging America's National Doctor's Day in the Solomon respectful style that you would wish. Oh, hello, me, Roddy. Oh, today is a very special day. It's National Doctor's Day. Yeah. Tommy, who is the actor and or the character he's playing? Well, I mean, to me, that sounds like Elmo.

You are correct. Donnie Knight. That's the character, anyway, yes. Yes. It's probably a bit unfair to expect it. As played by Brian Blessed. By Brian Blessed. And Patrick Stewart in earlier seasons.

Let's listen to Elno reveal himself. Elmo's mommy told Elmo that today is a very special day. Meaning National Doctor's Day. He's played by Ryan Dillon. That's the actor's name, by the way. Is that Kevin Dillon's obscure younger brother? That's the one, Donnie. I mean, that's the one. I recommend, it's actually really worth checking out all of Elmo's

videos. Although, I know we've joked about Brian Blessed playing the character. The real mistake I think he made, though, was asking Brian Blessed to write his scripts. Hi, it's Elmo. I'm in my log cabin. It's the 23rd of me. There are lots of animals in South America. Nobody knows anything about the Gordon's alive. The Chaser Report. More news. Less often. Adventure Tourism, where you go and visit dangerous places around the world, is an exhilarating way to enjoy your holidays. But coronavirus means that's not possible, except for one place. If you like dangerous, highly infected destinations, why not come to Melbourne?

That's all thanks to Tourism, Victoria. Okay, now it's time for... Welcome to the future. Yes, this is the segment where I review stupid Bluetooth devices. devices that have been invented mainly by Americans. And guys, I've got a very special one for you today. When you're inventing something, it's always a good idea to define what the problem is that you're trying to solve.

Grocerty lists are such a pain. They're impossible to maintain and they lack detail. That's so true, Charles. I always wish my grocery list had a paragraph. of detail about every item on it. This is a bugbear of mine. You want a bit of a story behind the shopping list? Or maybe an essay even about the rationale and introduction and conclusion.

You know, when it just says milk. What does that even mean? Well, that's a good point, actually. There's milk and then there's almond milk, oat milk, soy milk, A2 milk, what size? I think this woman's got a very good point. I want longer shopping list with discursive information. Let's get her to give us a bit of colour By adding a relatable anecdote about it

I still remember the time I sent my husband To the store for half and half He had no idea which one to get Exactly She only did it once She sent her husband once to the store They have some problems This marriage has some problems

And settle on her style of milk Half and half That's ridiculous Half and half What is that? Americans love half and half. We don't even need it. It doesn't even exist in Australia because there's no need for it.

But also, imagine getting the wrong brand of half and half. That's like getting dairy farmers instead of Coles milk. Yeah, the difference would just be completely different. We're a different, different family of cows as producing the milk. I mean, you can tell whether it's a daisy or buttercup who's delivered the goods. Anyway, luckily, there is a solution, Andrew. I thought there might be, Charles. What's she offering?

This is Jeannie Can. And it's going to help you build your shopping list easily and automatically. Okay, so anyone and want to guess what it is. So sorry, it's called Gene. Did she say Jeannie Cam? Genie Can. So like in I dream of Jeannie, except limited only to identifying cans. Sort of, yeah, yeah.

Is it a can you can put in your fridge that has a, a camera in it or something that takes a photo and lets you know what's in your fridge. Yes. Yeah, you're getting close. Let's get the woman to explain. Jimmy can adds barcode scanning and voice recognition right to your bin. To your bin. You attach it to your bin.

You literally put this barcode scanner in your bin. And as you're throwing things away, it scans the barcode of the product and adds it to your shopping list. It's genius. Wait a minute, I know from the self-scan at the supermarket that the only way barcodes get scanned properly is if you face the cart in nine different directions before it finally goes, so does that mean everything you put in your recycling? You have to do that. Yes. Yes. Isn't it good? But there's also, as you would know, Andrew, there's a whole category of food and products that you need to buy that don't have bar codes.

like vegetables. What about bananas? Well, actually, they've thought of that. What may I add to your list? Paper towels. See, you can just tell it. You don't even have to scan it. You can just actually tell it.

That's almost easier than writing the bloody name on a list. Yes, that is true. But it's also integrated with Amazon. So, you know, like if you write on a list, Amazon doesn't just immediately know that you need that thing. This can actually use Wi-Fi to actually send that thing. And then just Amazon dispatches your paper towels immediately to you. Just get them the next day.

Does that then mean, Charles, that whenever you run out of anything, you get a separate Amazon parcel arriving with more of that thing. So you run out of, you know, cook dinner and run out of 10 different things. The next day you get 10 different parcels turning up with 10 different delivery people. That is absolutely true. you can order you can that's in fact their sales bitch you can now order to direct from your garbage bin you'll be able to reorder items directly from your garbage can or recycle bin it's so

smart it's just where you want to be it's where you want to spend more time isn't it next to the bin just it's the perfect place for making purchase decisions but charles what happens if uh as has always been the case in my home you have like a centimeter left of something like you've got a tiny a little bit of milk left or tomato sauce or whatever. Can the genie figure that out? Oh, I see. Yes, but you can only put it in the beer. I hadn't even thought of that.

Yeah, you've got to completely run out of something before it goes on the shopping list. That's right. They'd be incredibly inconvenient, wouldn't it? Because you don't want to... Maybe you just have to put the milk in the bin half finished. That would be a very American solution, wouldn't it? And then take it back out and put it in the fridge to finish the rest. It'd be very hygienic.

I love the idea that there's a family who's cursed with this gadget who has to say, oh, we're running low on soy sauce, but it's a shame we can't buy any until we've completely run out. It's this stupidest, I mean, you know, we've got climate change, we've got COVID, and they're solving these problems. Anyway, point is, I want to now move to the reviews. of Jenny can because they've actually, even though they're integrated with Amazon, they don't sell it on Amazon because on Amazon you get all the customer reviews and they're all honest

and it would definitely not work. But the Apple Store App Store has reviews. You can actually find reviews on that of it because you have to download an app obviously to use the thing. And the reviews are universally one star. a terrible, terrible product that does not work. So the most common items, it says, it does not recognize. So you scan the barcode and goes, nut, recognize.

So one reviewer, one reviewer tried 40 items that they had in their house and it recognized two of them. You'd be starving to death if you had this bin. You'd be don't, you'd be saying, you know a device that can scan a barcode and reorder it from Amazon. What? The Amazon app on your phone. Shut up, Dom. Shut up, Don.

You can't attach that to your bin, though, Dom. No, but there's a couple of other consistent criticism. One is, it's as slow as molasses. You scan an item after playing around to get it to read. on the barcode, then you wait and wait, and eventually it will add the item to your list. But more often, the note tells you it doesn't recognize them. And then you have to verbally tell them what it is and hope that the speech recorder gets it right. You know another device that has a speech recorder.

Your phone. Shut up, Dom. You can't put your phone in the bin. And then the other one is, which is probably actually a feature, is that the magnets are not strong enough to hold it in place and it keeps sliding down into the trash can, which sounds like the perfect solution. So anyone want to buy one,

they're only $250 Australian. What? 50 bucks. Look, if ever I'm staying with a really annoying flatmate who I want to starve to death, I'm going to buy one of these. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chase of Report. Juris in Victoria is proud to sponsor this episode of The Chase Report. Travel to Melbourne today.

You didn't interact with them, did you? Yeah, we've taken their cold hard cash. Charles, cash, you're probably infected. Oh my God, I think you're right. I'm craving a tri-late on an uncomfortable stool in a bitterly cold wind-swept laneway while wearing a black turtleneck. I'm infected. Oh, no, it's happened.

Okay, well, that's just about the end of the show. Oh, wait a minute. We've got breaking news from Rebecca Dena Minot in the Chaser Newsroom. Hipsters in Melbourne's trendy suburb of Fitzroy have panned the second wave of the coronavirus, saying they much preferred the original version. Although the second wave may still find its way into Fitzroy, locals have confirmed it will be mainly for tourists, blow-ins and try-hards and that the sequel will never be as real as the original.

Thanks, Beck. Well, that's the end of the show. Thanks to our producer, Mike Liberali. Catch us on chaser.com.com.com.com. You can try to find us on TikTok, but we've actually been Shadow Band, because we showed a video of Craig taking a golden penis into the Trump Tower, and we now are no longer on TikTok.

They've sort of shadow banned us. What's a shadow ban? Is that the same as a ban? No, it's just that they don't ever let you upload stuff, and then they don't show it to anyone. So it's like the world's greatest piece of passive aggression that a social media platform can do. It's fantastic.

But we are still on Instagram, so that's good. And also you can, but the most important thing is to subscribe to our podcast on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts and just make sure you leave a review. We've had some really lovely reviews this week, haven't we, Dom? People saying that it's their 68th favorite podcast of all time, which it's heartwarming stuff. I'm so flattered by that. I thought we were going to be 69th. Yeah. Anyway, talking of podcasts, we've got a very new podcast from Chaser Studios. We noticed in

the ratings that the 7am podcast is doing very well in the ratings. So we've decided to one up them. You've heard of the 7 a.m. podcast that delivers news and current affairs bright and early by 7 a.m. each day. Now we bring you the 4 a.m. podcast. News and current affairs even earlier. Welcome to the 4 a.m. podcast. Let's cross live to our reporter in Melbourne. Hello, Scott. Scott? Oh, sorry, what?

When you need news earlier than anyone else. Oh, well, the new economic figures here in the middle of the night should show. Oh, God, sorry, where was I? God, I'm tired. All the news as it breaks at 4 a.m. Robert, your Parliament House. any news? The actual politicians have all gone home, but the cleaner is here, and I can report that the bathrooms are indeed becoming cleaner as we speak. The 4 a.m. podcast, when the 7 a.m.

podcast isn't early enough.