The Chaser Report - We're Back For 2025... Almost

Episode Date: January 22, 2025

The Chaser Report with Dom Knight and Charles Firth is back, bigger than ever in 2025! Thanks to an official presidential pardon, Charles and Dom now have full protection to cover all the news no other outlet will dare go near. The golden age has begun — let's Make Podcasting Great Again.New episodes every weekday from Monday, February 3rd. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigle Land. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. For 2025, as we record this, the world has changed. Donald Trump is back in the White House and in the spirit of Joe Biden's departure, Charles and Donald Trump's arrival, they've both issued an absolute flurry of pardons. And I can't believe Anthony Albanese hasn't been pardoning people left, right and center as well. So who's going to issue pardons at random? to Australians. Charles, who's going to take this on?

There's only one institution with the legal know-how, the gravitas and the wherewithal to ride these interesting times. Yes, indeed. To bring you all the joy of 2025 and it's full splendour and that is, I think, by exercising the constitutional right available only to us

under the Australian constitution and that is the Chaser report pardoning its listeners. Yes, for a limited time only, probably about the next four. years, listeners to our podcast will be offered a blanket pardon, not just for the things you've done wrong in the past, Charles. That was the old way the pardoned power used to work in the US.

Yes. Now, you can be pardoned for things you haven't even done yet. Full pardon. Future crimes. Future crimes. Yeah. Even thought crimes? Thought crimes.

I think the way things are going. Yes, absolutely. In keeping with the spirit of Biden, I think we should extend that pardon to listeners friends and family as well. Absolutely. Friends and family. And look, if at any point, I think we can. can make this offer as well. If there's ever

a violent insurrection in support of you, if people ever, I don't know, Storm Capitol Hill in Canberra are trying to overthrow the government and instill you as a dictator, we can do a pardon for that as well. Oh yeah, well that was my working assumption. Absolutely.

Yeah, yeah. So get on that. This offer is available to any senators or MPs or one-time people who had sweet deals with Channel 7 for a free apartment. Anyone like that? Just, all you got to do, Charles, is subscribe to the podcast. Yes, that's right.

Have they got to actually give us money? That makes it more ethical, doesn't it? No, I think they just follow it. We're just for the ratings. We're doing this for ratings. Okay, okay. So your blanket pardon available as of now, how do they get the pardon, Charles? Well, simply follow the tax report and tune in this year.

Yeah, that's right. And this audio, I'm advised by our lawyers that this audio recording is all you need. Well, this is actually now enshrines it in Australia's constitution. This podcast is now part of the. founding documents of our politics. It is a little known fact, actually, that a very obscure addendum to the Australian Constitution

adds everything that we ever say on this podcast to the Constitution. It was when, remember the voice referendum? There was actually a secret second question that got up which is in shining powers

of podcast. The premise of this conversation is ridiculous. course, listening to a podcast doesn't give you a pardon, but that is nowhere near as stupid a claim as a referendum getting up in Australia. There's no chance of that happening. It's clearly satire. But we can faithfully undertake to do this podcast in 2025. Yes, the world events. Charles being massively busy in the second half of last year. None of these things have defeated

us Charles. No, we've come back stronger. Come back stronger and we're not going to say fitter. And I feel like, that's her in my case. Yeah, we've come back, you know, after a break with a renewed sense of purpose, much like Trump. Yes, this is our golden age. Yes, that's right. The golden age starts now, the new era. Well, actually, not quite yet, Tom, because we're still on holidays. Oh, that's right, we're still on holidays.

But in the first week of February, we'll return in earnest in your feeds. Make podcasting great again. That's great again. Make the chase the report great again, which does require us. And Donald Trump hasn't been clear on this. It does require us to nominate a point in the past at which the Chaser Report was great, which Rick uses as a yardstick. I think what you do is you'd just be vague about it.

Now, you know that time the Chaser Report was great? Yeah. Yeah, that again. That again. Coming soon. See ya.