The Chaser Report - What To Buy The Man Who Sells Everything

Episode Date: June 29, 2025

Charles provides his exclusive firsthand account of what happened at Jeff Bezos' wedding. But the thing is, it got a little bit socially awkward when it came to the whole "wedding gift" area. ---VOTE OPTICS FOR A LOGIE: https://vote.tvweeklogies.com.au/Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. I've walked in to record with Charles no more than 10 seconds ago. And Charles, you just told me this. What did you just tell me? Oh, I've had a big way in. And you're going to tell me about it on the podcast.

Yes. That's what the episode's going. I'm a bit hung over, really. Okay, so two very quick announcements just while I think of it before we get into this tale. People can brace themselves for We don't have a sting for Incoming Charles Life Report But that might be useful too

First point We're taking the school holidays off This is a big idea of yours It's a great idea We've both got kids Yeah Breaks are good This bloody thing every day

So yeah That's why it will just disappear For that But also We recorded what I think Was actually a really good episode For the weekend We're actually doing the bonus episodes

And now we promised to For paying customers So Yeah Subscribe, get on board If you want to hear it I don't like to think to them as customers

but I like to think of them as sort of, you know, people inside the inner circle, the chaser inner circle. The more, the more devoted friends. The elite. The friends who will buy you a coffee, I don't know, on a monthly basis and not expect anything back ever. Friends of the podcast. Yeah, supporters, really.

Supporters is a nice word to you. We'll come up with a funny term, I don't know, we'll brainstorm it offline, unless you got an ready now. Anyway, people who pay, there's a nice episode for you, it's quite long. Let's just tell them what it's about very briefly before we get on the weekend. So the whole idea is that during the week we bemoaned all the problems with the world. So many problems in the world right now. There's so many.

And then in the weekend edition, what we're going to do is we're going to solve the problems in the world. And we started off with quite a biggie, I'd like to say. Yeah, we did. Which is, and it's not the Middle East. I know you're probably thinking that. But no, it's the housing crisis. We've solved the housing crisis. Yes, and genuinely, I'm not just talking about.

There's some genuinely good ideas in there. Charles put some thought into it. And that didn't mean that the ideas were bizarre. No, they were good ideas. And so recommend that. The other problem we were solving, I guess, is wanting more paying subscribers by a lot of people just pay out of pity slash loyalty slash kindness. This is actually a value proposition.

Another thing, if you like the podcast, you'll enjoy. Anyway, so jump on that. Speaking to which, ads come now. But if you're a paying subscriber, it just rolls on. So, Dom, the end. weekend, been at the whole Jeff Bezos wedding. Is that where you were? Yes.

I know you're rushing to the airport after our record last week, yeah. But, yeah, no, out on the private jet back this morning, admittedly a bit hungover, but, you know, the private jet sort of makes it easy to fit in amongst your work. Yeah, oh, that's lovely. And, I mean, if you're going to go to the Bezos wedding, I don't think you'd be let in if you didn't come by a private jet. I think there's absolutely no chance at all. There was more jets at that wedding. There was 90 jets.

There's more jets at that wedding than the G7 summit. And there's actually more jets than the last World Economic Forum, which is just like Jet City. Yeah, absolutely. And I saw Leonardo DiCaprio was there wearing that cap that obscured much of his face. Yes. And I'm just wondering how you disguise yourself. Because I have to confess,

I didn't see you in many of the widely publicized photos from the event. But I imagine you probably did an even more effective job than Leo. Yeah. Because you don't want to publicly admit that you went, right, other than this. I've got good handle it. That's what I have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, my, I mean, Leo's a bit amateur, frankly, when it comes to managing the PAPs.

Whereas my team, you know, they're all X IDF special forces. I mean, no, people can't take photos of you if their fingers are broken, can they? No, exactly. Or if their cameras at the bottom of, I don't know, the Grand Canal in Venice. You know, I often think, you know, Princess Dynia would be a lot. live today if she had my protection unit, you know. That's really sad. That's genuinely quite sad.

Yeah, I mean, what's the point? What's the point of dating Doty Alfayette, the son of the billionaire who is Harrods? If you don't have, if you have got second rate protection. They had that drunk chauffeur on rapport. Like, what are you doing? What were you doing, I suppose, is more appropriate. And they're not, they're both gone. Yeah.

So, and it was good. I mean, it wasn't just, you know, the Kardashians. Oh, yeah, who was there? How did you hang out with? Orlando. Which Orlando? Alando Bloom. Is there another Orlando?

Probably not, no. Sydney? Which Sydney? Did a few lines with Sydney? Sydney, Swanny. Oh, right. Yeah, well, she likes Sydney, as we know. She did that movie here.

Did you meet her back then? You might, I can tell that you actually, you want me to use last names as well, just so you keyed into who I'm talking about. Oh, no, I know who you do. I'm just for the listeners. Oh, right, okay. Uh, Oprah Winfrey. Thank you for clarifying.

Yeah, yeah. Um, because Orlando and Katie aren't, they're not a thing anymore, I gather. Uh. So I've always heard you go to a celebrity wedding when you're newly single to meet your well, she was partying very hard. Oh, okay. Yeah. Interesting.

Okay. But amazingly, Leo, uh, was with his girlfriend. Oh. He's how old his girlfriend is now. Uh, I'm going to guess, was she out? out of high school, this one? No, no, she's 27. Really?

Yes, it's like the oldest he's ever gone out. He's revised his policy. Admittedly, she did have a Zimmer frame with her. Right, fair enough, yeah, all right. Ivanka was there, although I sort of steed-cleared. No, it's a bit awkward, I would have thought, with Ivanka now. Yeah. Like, you don't want to say, how's your dad, because it's all what we ever discuss.

No, exactly. And they try and keep a low profile, so. Yeah, yeah, no, it's, um. Sam was there And Elon You have a few Sam's like a niggle Sam Maltner Oh really?

Yeah Okay Not not Bankman Free He wouldn't have been there Well it might have been It might have day release Yeah day release Anyway

I just want to talk about one aspect Which was just a bit socially awkward At the whole wedding Because I haven't heard this report Anyway This is the first insider report I've heard

Oh really Oh yeah There's been Media silence elsewhere. This is such an exclusive podcast. Well, I think Jeff and I go so way back that they've probably made everyone else sign NDAs or something. But Jeff

trusts me. So, we used to go trekking in the pool together. Did you? Yeah, yeah. I heard you actually that the garage that he started Amazon in you, you serviced the Rolla door, didn't you have done? Is that garage back then? Yeah, that's why I got those early shares

in Amazon. Of course you did. You thought this guy's on to something here. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, actually, I needed a spare part to the roller door and had no one to order it from I gave him the idea for Amazon because he was going oh he's a book on

roller doors I went you should you should sell roller door spare parts it's not just books he didn't sell the parts to begin with it's just the books

that's right no no tell me it got awkward the awkward how could it not really was was it was it was that

did I just guess was it that absolutely nobody in the entire city of Vin Fennis wanted you there and took very very proactive measures

to try and get you to fuck off. Was that a factor? We didn't really interact with the riffraff. Oh, okay. Like, look, I gather that was a problem, but it certainly wasn't a problem. So you didn't be in there. You were sheltered for that.

And that's the good thing about living that sort of life, is you just come in and go. You know, you just read about bad things that you've done in the news. Yeah, well, you're protected from knowing. Consequences are for the little people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And look, I'm sure my team had some headaches, but whatever, you know. That's what... Is it inflatable crocodiles or something bizarre like that?

That they used? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The protesters. Yeah, yeah. Ah, God, yes, yes. All right. Well, you haven't got a bad rash from the phone party, so that's good. No, no, I couldn't make it to the phone party.

That was before. That's probably for the best. No, because they had to do the podcast. So... Thank you for the loyalty. Yeah. But on the invitation, Jeff specifically said... It's very, Jeff and Lauren.

Like, this is a bit sexist to me. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But it's just because I know, Jeff. a bunch better. Sure. Than Lauren. Than Lauren, yeah. You know,

but I don't mean... You know Jeff better than Lauren does. But it said on the invitation no presents. Right. Oh. You know, like he's sort of put on this whole...

You know, he's bought out Venice. You know, like... Bought out the Venice, yeah. I saw it... I saw actually the invitation that's been doing the rounds. It said that a donation

on your behalf had been made to an appropriate charity. But don't you think that that's all a bit... bullshit that sort of I mean it was very useful I did do the donation thing because it was just before the end

of the financial year so I would have done the donation anyway for the tax reason so I just pretended that it was for him and Charles look I guess the awkward thing would have been particularly I mean who would have thought the odds but you're known for your inflatables

and of course the avocados we talked about before it was embarrassing yeah you brought an inflatable as the gift and as as listeners may know protesters in Venice threatened to fill the grand

canal with inflatable crocodiles and literally blocked the whole thing off. Yes. The flotilla of inflatable crocodiles, thus rendering the wedding, much less romantic and inconvenient. And that got them to move. So you turn up with an inflatable, your signature gift, the Charles Firth inflatable. Yeah, yeah. I don't imagine they would have appreciated that very much. But I think, you know, like, you want to get a proper gift.

So, you know, I got the inflatable, of course. But, you know, I had to get something. Like, and I think everyone sort of knew no gifts. Oh, yeah, you got to get a gift. It just means to get a better gift than you would have otherwise. Yeah, exactly. Put some real thought into it. Yes, yes, exactly.

And it's really hard, like, because my go-to gift for someone like that. Who has everything. Yeah. And also sells everything. That's like literally everything. It's a huge problem. You got to pick something not in stock in Amazon. Breville coffee machine.

That's a good. That's a good. Yeah. But, yeah, because it's good. It's sort of expensive, but it sort of sets you up. Well, it's kind of Aussie as well, too. Yeah. Sort of Aussie.

And they're world class. But the problem is, I just sort of. So he's American, he loves horrible coffee. Yeah, I don't know. So getting him a coffee machine doesn't work. I can see you got one over there. Can you use that to make horrible coffee? I don't think so.

That's, that's very, that's even more inconvenient. Yeah, so excited it'd end up at the bottom of the Grand Canal. So then I thought, oh, maybe I'll get a DeLongi coffee maker. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. I thought, no, no, it's got to be something a little bit more. instinctive, right? And so what about, like, an experience? Because that's what you get.

Oh, that's great. For the person who has everything, you know, he's got literally three million items in their store, like an actual sort of thing. And I looked up, did a bit of research, and I wanted to do hot air balloon experience for Lauren and Jeff, yeah, because, you know, I've heard a lot about them. And, you know, they're quite romantic, especially at sunrise and for that. Yeah, yeah. But unfortunately, the company that I wanted to book.

Yes. has temporarily shut down. It's a company in Brazil. They just had a massive fatal accident last week. Oh, dear. And that's why I wanted to get them. Because it was in the news. It should.

You know, Jeff and Lauren could go up on that same hot air balloon service. Yeah, but, you know, like, unfortunately, they've completely shut up a rations for some reason. Oh, which is a huge. In Brazil? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they've obviously gotten affinity for Brazil.

the home of the Amazon. Well, when you're that rich, it doesn't matter where... You could give... You could give him tickets to, I don't know, Lunar Park in Melbourne

and he'd be able to go there because he's got a jet. He doesn't go anywhere he wants. He got the private yacht and all that and stuff. You could get him tickets to Dinosaur World on the Central Coast.

Just thinking Charles too. Like, he's obviously Amazon, the company has made him his dream come through. He's one of the richest people. How much money do you think he's donated from Amazon to preserving the Amazon. Do you think he supported that at all?

I don't know quite... Because it'll be the most obvious thing he could possibly do, sure. I don't think that's more his ex-wife's sort of... Oh, McKenzie, yeah, that's a shit. Because she was always like, oh, we should be doing good in the world. That's why that broke up, wasn't it? Well, I think so... That and the infidelity.

That and the affair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know... I know he's your mate, but I must say... What? if I was married to Jeff Bezos and one day the prospect arose of not being married to Jeff Bezos and having half his money, I think I'd be okay with that. I think I'd be like, yeah, yeah, you have that divorce, buddy.

$200 million he's given to Amazon. But he's done it in the most annoying possible way. Did he buy the trademark often? So $200 million, which is not that much by his standards. But he's doing it in combination with Leonardo DiCaprio. I mean, surely, couldn't he have done it without bloody Leonardo DiCaprio being involved? Anyway, that's why I suppose that's why Leo was at the event. Did you get a chance to talk to him, by the way?

Yeah, he's doing all right. I mean, you know, I think he's going through a bit of a midlife crisis, to be honest. Well, I mean, about time. I mean, it's not surprised. Didn't that start, I mean, it was sort of 30 inside of dating younger girls? Like, it's just, I don't know. I think that at some point you have to realize that you're only as young as the one you sleep with. That doesn't actually, that's not true anymore, isn't right?

Like, it doesn't stop you looking in the mirror. No, I'd chart his whole having young girlfriends back to the fact that he was actually in love with Kate when they were filming Titanic. Is that true? They got along incredibly well. Yeah, they have a lot of chemistry. They were not just chemistry. They were just genuinely good friends. And they're still supposedly absolute besties.

Yeah, yeah. And he sort of has nostalgia. for that time in his life and he's very busy. An honest relationship with a woman about his age, an age-appropriate woman. Yeah, but the relationship that he longs for is that relationship with a young Kate Winslet and so he's stuck nostalgically in that cycle.

I mean, it's an obvious solution. I know this is getting off topic a bit, but she's got a daughter. Mia. She's in the new, she's in the new, where's Anderson movie, Mia Threpleton, I think her name is. She's apparently a fantastic actress. She'd be on the rate.

She's not a supermodel. Oh. So, it mightn't work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. No, yeah, no, I had some good conversations at the wedding.

Oh, good. Yeah. I sort of, I had a few solutions to tell people. Oh, you would have, yeah. Yeah. Did you come up with anything for the whole workers paying in the bottle thing? Because I've actually seen, there's a, I saw a trailer for a movie the other day that's got that in it. Like, this has become a whole meme.

It's a bit embarrassing. And actually, at the wedding, did you need to pee in a water bottle? during the, is that just something of a Jeff thing? Saves on Port-a-Lose. He sort of, he loves saying, the thing that I suggested to Jeff was, why don't you get non-transparent water bottles? Yeah, that's true.

That's gross. It's gross. But also, did you have to sort of run around the wedding on Amazon time? You know how all the apps on their phones is like, if they don't go quickly enough? Yeah. Because you've got a sort of half jog, I think, to fulfill the orders. Yes, and there were huge, hideous, hideous.

Hidious accidents all over the wedding Well particularly Leonardo with that hat covering his eyes And I think Tom Brady actually lost a leg Yeah There was some wedding robot Accidentally crushed him But that's the price you pay Yeah

For delivering the packages on time I mean it's like people are going to lose legs But Amazon time is Oh at least the wedding was completely on time It was amazing It was like clockwork Yeah it was same day wasn't it Yeah

Amazing amazing same Same day wedding service, yeah. Brilliant. Oh, no, and then the stupid thing was. So I ended up going, okay, well, what I'll do is I'll buy him a super yacht. A super yacht. Oh, Charles, Charles. I know, but he's got, like, he's got one.

I know, it's so embarrassing. And do you know how hard it is to return a super yacht? Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Because they take so long to build, too. Yes, I know. Oh, yeah, I ordered it about. It's very unfortunate.

No, that's true. I ordered it at McKenzie. in jeff sweetie and the writing was on the wall yeah McKenzie seems quite nice but also Charles the current super yacht isn't it like somewhat creepily

the shape of the boat is inspired by Lauren's body in some way like there's some I can't remember exactly what it is but there's some design element of it that is based on on Lauren's appearance in some very

oh really very yeah he wouldn't have been able to match that yeah no exactly it's too well I would have had to have asked for some photos of Lauren I mean the other thing is Charles

the big issue that's been discussed in the Jeff world over the weekend who's going to pay the new James Bond this is because you know Amazon's bought out Bond and they paid the broccoli family enough to avoid their scruples

they're going to do all these spinoffs on TV they've appointed Denny Villan nervous actually it's good news as the director the new Bond did you make any suggestions and I mean are you available Well, because I would have assumed Jeff would have seen optics and thought, Jeff, you know, Bond could be older and redheaded and losing their hair. That would actually be a very approachable bond.

Look, I'm not going to lie. I have been approached. But I'm just not sure. I mean, you're a Logie nominee, right? Like, they know that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I'm sort of, I've timed my run at the right time.

Yeah, absolutely. The problem is, frankly, like, it would be fun and it would be glamorous. It would be. You'd have to give up optics, too, to a. The work, the work, like, it's, it's a big commitment. It's like, be bad for the podcast. It's 18 months, two years. Yeah.

And I just don't know whether, like, I kind of feel like it just takes you out of other projects. It takes me out of the podcast. Yeah, Wankanomics is going well. Yeah, so. I mean, I assume when you talk to Jeff Bezos about Wankanomics, he just call it nomics. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He wouldn't, he wouldn't see it as a satirical show, but he just seems. No, no, he wouldn't think it's. He wouldn't get the jokes. Well, you know, the whole Amazon philosophy that he's very famous for because this grounding document that outlines his management. He's actually replaced it with the new Wankonomics book. Has he? Yeah.

Well, essentially, because one of the things he hates most, apparently, is PowerPoint. Yeah. So he wouldn't have enjoyed your life shows. He didn't like much shows at all, no. Look, I'll have to talk to my management about what they've said about the Pond thing, but I'm a bit cold on it, frankly. The thing I'd say, Charles, is it does sound like there are a few awkward moments, the gifts and so on. Yeah.

But the thing to bear in mind is that odds on you'll get to do it all again at his next wedding in a year or two. No, exactly. Yeah, as long as you don't make any faux pas then. Because it's the third one, the third wedding that really counts. Yeah. We're part of the O'Connor Class Network. Get you tomorrow.