The Chaser Report - What To X-pect When Musk's X-pecting

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

Elon has become a father for the 13th time, so Dom tries to find out what we can learn from Musk about parenting. Plus Charles, as always, has a theory.Watch OPTICS on ABC iview here:https://iview.abc.net.au/show/opticsCheck out more Chaser headlines here:https://www.instagram.com/chaserwar/?hl=enListen to more PEP and its SFX here:https://www.youtube.com/@pepwithchasanddrdaveDonate to Musk's children in need here:https://chaser.com.au/support/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. And cameras, Charles. We're sharing the studio now with PIP, with Chaz and Dr Dave. And they've been recording four-hour-long podcast in the studio with these fancy cameras. So we thought we'd give that a go as well. They've sort of ruined the podcast studio, actually, because when we were the only people

using it. It was all messy. It was. It was a lift in. It was comfortable. Yeah, it felt like my home. It did. It was very much. My home, too. But now it's all been tidied up and they've changed all the dials. They've changed all the buttons. So there's a button that does this

plays the pep theme. Yeah. This is our gear. Do we have an opening theme? Yeah, yeah. I've never listened to the book. We should have a button for it. Yeah, we should have a button. Where's our button Lockland? Lockland's here. Why are you letting us? Lockland works on pep as well as this.

And they're calling him Lackey Lachlan. We've never called him that. That's horrible. Yeah, Lacky Lachlan button. What does Musk mean? Smell the Mask. Wow.

We're going to have to talk about Elon too as well. We're going to get our own buttons. We've got to get our own buttons. But you may as well use the Smell the Musk button because have I got news for you about Elon Musk? Oh yeah? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Allegedly, but he hasn't exactly denied it. He's become a dad for the 13th time. Smell the mask. It's not bad. actually, that's quite appropriate. Let's talk about Elon's parenting adventures and maybe get some tips from the great man.

Yeah, sure. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply.

Details at FIS.C. So it seems as though Elon Musk's approach to parenthood is a bit like his approach to company. Acquire quickly, proliferate, move fast, break stuff and then just don't ever be seen again. So I don't think he does anything for Tesla anymore. He's still the CEO. I don't think he's worked on that company in a long time. No. The boring company?

Nah. I don't think he's even busy at Twitter anymore. He's just messing around with the US government now and trying to buy OpenAI. So the reports are... Although I did notice a SpaceX rocket crash the other day. So I suspect he's still working there. Although if you're from SpaceX, wouldn't you rather Elon didn't have anything to do with the rockets? I mean, wouldn't you kind of...

Given his love of breaking stuff. I've got a friend who's a rocket scientist, which is a pretty cool sentence I need. I've got a friend whose friend is a rocket scientist. But a couple of years ago, I was chatting to him about SpaceX. And he was saying the really, like, the SpaceX is basically the only rocket company you'd ever want to work at because of Elon Musk's appetite for things exploding. Because he said, actually, you get far more information and data. If you're at Rocket Zones, what you're after is data because that's how you work out how to make things better. And things going smoothly don't give you nearly as much data as things blowing up.

So this is where Succession got things wrong. Remember in succession there's a plot point spoiler where one of their rockets launching a satellite that blows up and it's like a bad thing for Roman Roy, one of the characters. Yes. That's clearly incorrect. Yes, that's right. It's clearly a good thing. He would have been praised for his, you know, extra data.

So the point is that every time NASA blows something up, including like teachers and things. Yeah, yeah. That's seen as a bad thing. That's a call back to the 80s, isn't it? They're not allowed to. Challenge it to Zalta. Whereas with Space Eggs, because they can. keep blowing things up, they just increase their knowledge, you know, bound after bound after

bound. It's just, they're just so far ahead of everyone else. Well, by that logic, Charles, you'd say that American gun manufacturers have extraordinary evidence about how their guns work in school settings because there are so many school sheets. It's not exactly a great thing, is it? It's not exactly a great approach to, you know, collecting data. I think the truth is that that specifically applies to rocket science. I don't even think it applies to brain surgery, even though that's the other really complicated thing.

You could be really good at podcasting now, after doing more than a thousand episodes, many of which are massively stuffed up. Yeah, that's right. Every time you stuff up a podcast, you learn more. You learn more. Okay, so all that's interesting about rocket science. But basically, so the story is Elon Musk has managed to have a child, supposedly, with Ashley Sinclair. Isn't that a great name? Who's a conservative influencer.

So this is the new Maga Musk. And Elon Musk has the only acknowledgement that he's given is that he responded to a post on X. I'm quoting the New York Post here. That's got to be right. That plotted that Ashley Sinclair has been trying for five years to have his child. And he wrote, whoa. So that's the only comment.

If this is indeed his child, his child will someday go back, when did Daddy, when did Daddy tell the world that he had me? Well, he posted on his own social network, whoa. after a claim that your mum tried to entrap him for five years. Right. So hang on, but he likes procreating. He does.

He's a great believer in having as many children as possible. Do you think that maybe he found out that this was his child through it? Like, is that why it was what well? Yeah, I'm not sure that he knew that the, whether the child had actually been conceived. Like, I can't imagine Elon bothered to follow up.

Like after presumably there one night together or whatever, or whatever it might have been. Yeah. I don't think he would have called. That's just not his might as up around, is it? Well, I suppose it's good in a way. Because I think Elon Musk might be the only man in the world who uses the majority of his sperm to actually create human life.

Quite possibly. Yeah, yeah. Like everyone else sort of, like most of it sort of like doesn't go to use. So that's the whole joke, right? Whereas with Elon Musk, I think he must have at least a trillion children by now. There's an awful lot of them. And he's only the ones we know about. So there's five children with his first wife, Justine Wilson.

It's important to note also just how much madder the names get. over time. So the first children, there's twins, Vivian and Griffin, uh, triplets, Kai, Saxon and Damien. I think, um, Vivian might be the one that transitioned, uh, incidentally. Um, then there's, so you've just dead named somebody. Yeah, like, I may well, I have to follow the data up on that. I wouldn't date, dead name anyone.

It's probably against the law to not dead name somebody. Oh, in America. Yeah, in America now. Okay. So then to those. Do you know that there's only two genders, Dom? That's what the White House says. They're relatively normal names.

Mind you, actually, if there's only two genders, then surely people, People who transition are fine because they've gone from one to the other. Not unless they want to play sport. It's all very complicated. So then Grimes, there was X-A-E-E-W-E-W-E-W-E What happens if you jail someone for transitioning? Do they go to the men's jail or the women's jail? You know what I mean?

I'm just not sure which of the things you've just said is going to get you the most to cancel. I'm not sure. This is quite an other. I'm trying to read through the names of his children. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Well, this is going to take all, whatever. This is going to take all day. What do you do?

This is like reading through the phone book. Yeah, that's right. So there's the toddler X who is in the White House. Then there's Exa Dark Ciderale. And his most recent boy with Grimes. He's getting from GPT now and it's hallucinating. Oh, it's GROC. It's grog.

It's grog is even worse. He's going to call a kid. So this is probably the worst one. He asked his Tesla to name. Yes, that's right. Oh, gosh. Can you imagine just saying, I'm just going to put the baby in the back of the Tesla take. I'm just going to put my pregnant partner in the back of the Tesla and get

auto drive to take it to the emergency walk. So then there's a boy called Technomechanicus. That's, I think, the worst one. Technomechanicus. Okay, then he had... Mind you, I reckon there's an eight-year-old boy in me, like when I was eight, who actually would have loved that name.

You know what I mean? Like, he'll go through a phase going, actually, you know what? My dad's a champ. It is a binary, actually. It's either radical or terrible. There's no in between. Then there's Strider and Asia, with a different woman again. So this is with Neurrelink executive, Chivon Zillis.

Is Asia really large? What? Azure is in the color. A-Z-U-R-E. Oh, Azure. Is that Azure? Isn't it Azure? We're the most uninformed podcast.

That should be our slogan. It's a disgrace that we're in the same space as PEMP. All right. The most uninformed podcast. We don't know exactly if this is the 13th. Azure. Azure. Azure.

We've both got it wrong. Is that the American one? Anyway, fine. Thank you. Thank you, Lackie Lachlan for the quick fan check. He doesn't only sit here with us while we record. That's another thing that Peck does. Is that a cuck chair that he's sitting here?

It might be. So anyway, the point being, Charles, actually, let's take some ads. I don't know what the point is. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month.

Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. The Chaser report. More news. Less often. The point is going off the rails on camera. Charles, the point is that there are some parenting tips in this. There was a point.

There was a point. That's what I was trying to get to is what can we learn about parenting from Milan? Yes, okay. So I know that. This has already gone off the trails and hold that thought. But again, that's very Elon Muskian to go off the rails. Yes. But can I just give you a brilliant idea, like, about the perfect crime that I had the other day?

Which relates to this. Which I think, no, I think Elon Musk. Are you going to try and do a wave like Donald Trump and bring this back? Yeah, no, no, no. It will totally relate. So the thing is, I think that Elon Musk is a murderer. Right. But he's committed the perfect crime because what he's done, this is my theory, is you know how he sent that roadster up into space?

Oh, yes, yes, yes. And he put that astronaut in the car, right? Like he put a space suit in the car. Everyone assumed that the spacesuit was empty. My theory is, no, no, no. He had murdered someone and he had to dispose of the body. And so the way he decided to dispose of the body was go, oh, we need to. send a roadstrap into space and put a space suit in the thing.

I just... And that's how he hid the body. And it's the perfect crime. Because no one's ever going to go and be able to investigate whether there's a dead body in that astronaut outfit. Well, except it is the perfect crime. There are cameras in Tesla, so couldn't they go on the... Download the data?

You can probably hack into the data. Yeah, yeah. Though once you put on the sentry mode in a Tesla, it goes... It goes... Anyway, just like it is. Just brief pause. Brief pause, just to note that Vivian is the correct name. So get rid of all of that.

Vivian is actually the proper name. Hey. I think you should just edit the whole thing out because we've got it right. Anyway, yeah, okay. So, well, you're not saying. Don't say, hang on. Hang on. Hang on.

Hang on. Hang on. We are not editing that out. That is the one moment that we've been right. We're not going to edit that out of the podcast. This is, is there a sort of like fanfare for like we've just achieved. No, we did our own sound effects. Lachlan, we'll make a list.

We'll make a list. All right. But the point I was trying to get to, because this is so insane, is what parenting advice. See, a big problem at my place, right? Yes. My older child is very jealous of the younger child. And it's a bit of an issue, right? The older child is jealous of the kind of toddler, which doesn't make much sense.

No, that makes no sense. The older one's got so many more rights and can do so many more things. Yes. But what if there were another 12 younger children? Like, it really would be, am I your favourite daddy? the odds would be very much against you, wouldn't they? Yes.

With that many. You're looking at a sort of King Lear style. Yes. Although you're saying that because of the Rupert Murdoch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get on to that next episode. Isn't, isn't the point that the one thing you don't want to be

if you're Elon Musk's child is his favourite? Like, that Vivian is brilliant on blue sky and threads. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because what she does is she just chipposts against Elon Musk. Which, A, is great, but B shows that she has his jeans. Yeah, the shitposting jeans. I mean, it's a real gift. Yeah, because if you're his favourite, he would want to spend the most time with you.

Yes, which is the one thing that you wouldn't want to do. Admittedly, that's one day a year, probably that he'd spend with his favourite. It's not the most present father. No. But, yeah, you'd get taken to the White House to have to appear next to Donald Trump. I mean, that's not something you'd want to do. Did you see that guy, that little fellow picking his name? nose and X. Oh, that was X, yeah. He picked his nose and then he told Donald Trump

to shut up. It's like, I actually like this guy more and more, increasingly. So that's one, that's one technique. Keep them on their ties with, with more parenting. And I think the other, the other tip is absence. I mean, you and I are quite present as fathers. We're there quite a long of time. And we've really destroyed our kids. I don't think it's done them any good. And is your theory that absence makes the heart grow fonder or is your? I think it's more that you can achieve more. I mean, right. Okay, yes, I see what you're saying is they're all going to have, you would be able to

provide better for your children. Yes. If you just left them. Well, I mean, think about it. Any billionaire's child is going to be massively screwed up no matter what you do. Yes. Right. So why bother spending time with them?

You might as well just go and do the stuff you want to do. I mean, the number of times when I, you know, have to come home from a pub or can't just fly off overseas on a holiday by myself because I want to. Can't mass sack a whole bunch of government workers. I haven't been able to do that. Yes. I can't buy a social network. I can't do it.

anything. I can't even just knock up repeated, you know, extra large number. I just can't impregnate large numbers of additional women because I'm too busy looking up to the children that I have. Yes. It's a massive impediment, Charles. Well, I think what you should do is you should grow incredibly resentful towards your kids

for their imposition on your life. And keep pointing out to them that if it weren't for their existence, you'd be far more successful. I think that that would be a great... That's a very great. And I'll see it. Because one of the ones to be called techno-mechanicus as well.

Because I think I've got a son who might want to be. You might be able to get that one over the line before me. But if you look at all the great artists in the world, they have that time, didn't they? They're all people who had horrible, horrible upbringings, right? And this is grist for their mill. That's right. They need to suffer to create great art. And I mean, Elon Musk's father is a total asshole, isn't he?

Oh, famously so. Famously, like, didn't he leave Elon down an emerald mine once or something when he was young? Like, it was that level of abuse. But probably. They may not be well adjusted if you do that, but at least they'll succeed. Like, they'll, you know, try and make up their deficits by, you know, striving for things and doing great art or, you know, making lots of money. You know what I mean? Can I just suggest that we give our audience an experience of that?

what it would be like to be Elon Musk's child. And just leave. Just absent. See ya. See you. We're part of the Icona class network. Catch you next time. Actually, no.

I'm going to say that. Bye. See you in a year. Actually, I'm just going to go and get some milk. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? Fizz is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes.

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