The Chaser Report - When Cocaine Trafficking Hits A Bump | Andrew Hansen

Episode Date: August 18, 2024

An episode about cocaine... without Charles? Andrew and Dom review the thwarted attempt to have $7 BILLION worth of the nose-candy trafficked into Sydney, and how the alleged dealers could have done a better job. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is the Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report. Charles' news is that his show is apparently selling out in Edinburgh, and he very charmingly wrote on social media, suck shit if he wanted to come. So he is insufferable. Fortunately, we have the much lovelier Andrew Hanson on today's show. Andrew, welcome.

Thank you, Domney. You think, look, I've learned a bit about sold-out shows on the festival circuit myself and how they work. It's an interesting claim, the sold-out show, because it's a way of selling tickets. I don't know, you know, this is a bit of an inside story that you might be interested in, but if your show hasn't quite sold out yet, then the best way to get it to sell out is you declare it sold out. You say, it's sold out. And so a lot of shows, in fact, most shows, if they're 80% sold, they declare it. it to be sold out.

And then people rush to book new tickets for the next night or wherever. Oh, so they don't sort of go, oh, well, whoops, 10 have suddenly become available, which managed to squeeze more people in. They literally just go, okay, that's it. Sold out, empty. And then that just generates heights. So what happens to the audience who turns up and sees a whole bank of empty seats? Well, I suppose they'll assume that everybody caught a cold.

Everybody. Every single person couldn't make it. There you go. So, all right. that gives me a sense of a sense of suspicion, remembering Charles's maths on the Chaser newspaper subscription numbers, which I think wildly inflated. I mean, I think the statute of limitations is expired. We can say they are fraudulent now, can't we? Is that right? It's like that plot line from Succession, isn't it? The social media guy who pretends that his platform has way more

users than it really does. Oh, in India. It's great marketing. I mean, we should do it for this podcast. How many listeners does this podcast have? A billion. 40 billion? Only one billion. One billion. No, no, that's just in Australia. That's just in Australia. Of course, of course. The most listened to podcast.

All right. Now, look, there's an amazing story today. If Charles were here, he would want us to talk about the plan to flood Sydney with $7.5 billion worth of cocaine. Let's get into this in a moment. Now, Andrew, of course, you live in Gentile Melbourne, where the addiction is to coffee and quality tailoring. None of this sort of cocaine business.

But there's a gentleman, according to the City Morning Herald, by the name of Vaso Yulich, who was arrested last month. Police say that, and I'm quoting from the Herald here, the sometime vigneron, the winemaker, was passionate about cultivating a different industry, the Australian cocaine trade. And he wanted to bring in 2.5 tons of cocaine worth $7.5 billion. And, Andrew, this became undone by a series of unfortunate events, which we'll get to. But first, I have to ask, that seems an awful lot. I mean, who are the rich people in this time of cost of living crisis? It can afford that price for cocaine. For cocaine?

Well, I don't know how much he's selling it per serve. We've got to, you know, boil it down. What is it called a snort of cocaine or a lick of cocaine or something like the cost per snort is how high? Per lick, like, you know, you're going to get a little lick of chocolate. Well, I've never tried it, Donnie. I don't know how it works. You know, I'm like you say, I'm from Melbourne. I haven't even heard of this stuff.

No. And I'm far too boring to have tried it. So we've got the wrong people in a sense, but we can also be objective because I don't want to cast expressions on Charles, but listen to any of the episodes, and there are many of the Chase's Report involving cocaine, and Charles would be quite sad if he were here at the loss of all this material. Of course, that's a humorous conceit.

Yeah, well, I think it's gone up in smoke. It literally has gone up in smoke. We'll get onto that. But yes, I mean, Charles, of course, talks about drugs as an ironic person. Luna that he's playing. No one should raid him. Oh, yes, I'm sure he knows nothing of those things. Particularly at these prices, I think it's fair to say. He's not having any.

But look, I don't know. I mean, all I know, Andrew, is that at the times I've been out with people who seem to have been on cocaine a very long time ago, they were incredibly annoying. Why would you pay so much money to transform yourself into an asshole? Well, look, I think the saying could be said, Domi, of a drunk person, couldn't or even a person who's had a good meal. I mean, you know, somebody who's eaten well can be quite annoying. That's true.

That's actually very true. Yeah, if you think about, you know, celebrity chefs, they're pretty irritating, aren't they? And, you know, very smug, self-satisfied sort of people. So I wouldn't necessarily, you know, pin a pigeonhole these cocaine users being uniquely annoying. No, perhaps it's just like a very, very satisfying crock and bush or something. I don't know. Can you snort a crock and bush? Maybe you can.

Well, it depends if this. Look, I don't. Is there a crock-and-bush smuggler as well as this guy? That would be great. What kind of interest me, that he was a vigneron? When they say that, which country was he operating his vineyards out of? Okay, so this is a gentleman who, apparently the story begins in Hodgarica Montenegro, where it says the Herald, Faso, Yulich, son, Nicola,

and up to ten others planned the alleged importation of 2.5 tonnes of South American cocaine. So they're in Montenegro. So they had this plan and the authorities in Montenegro documents that the heralds obtained on this and apparently the money came from Canary Island bank accounts The cocaine was coming from Colombia to be processed in Ecuador

Then to travel through European ports And onto the deep waters off New South Wales So a truly global supply chain Pretty impressive, it's like a computer or a sports car or something Oh look I reckon a lot of coke snorters it'd be pretty concerned about the carbon footprint there, Dommy. Yes. It's a lot of, you know, we talk about food miles,

but that's a lot of snort miles. And I think, you know, we've, I think in Australia, I'd like to think that our cokeheads would value local produce, you know, something that's been manufactured nearby. That's true. An artisanal product. Yeah, single origin. Maybe a single origin bean.

What is cocaine? Remember the coca bean or something? That's, for coca leaf or something. I think, yes, you'd want to. Wouldn't you want to be able to go and talk to the growers and hear their stories? I think of growing coca leaf and how lovely. Because you'd want to be fair trade, wouldn't you? As far as I understand, Andrew, there's not enough fair trade in the coke industry.

No, there should be fair trade. In fact, there should be like packaged nicely too, Domney, you know, in a nice little recycled cardboard package with a photo. With a photo of the farmer's face. A little signature. A person who made her, the brewers, do you brew cocaine? What do you do? The cooker's face should be.

Pack it. It's quite bizarre. So they grow it in Colombia. Apparently, you can't process it there. You've got to cook it up in Ecuador. Now, I read that wonderful book Marching Powder by Rusty Young. And apparently the best cocaine in the world is found in the prison where he used to go and sleep the night. It's somewhere in an underground laboratory. That's where you go to the best cocaine. You have to go to a prison. Noting that, it's great read. I really recommend it. It's fascinating. It's a bit late if you're in a prison to get the best cocaine. Apparently, that's where you get it.

They really know their stuff, given that they're serving life sentences. Do you kind of regret getting that far? I mean, sure, you might have the good stuff, but you're in prison. It goes to Ecuador. What confuses me is what was happening in Europe? Why would it need to even go to the Northern Hemisphere? But apparently that was the idea. But then anyway, eventually it was going to make it onto a fishing boat coming down here.

And there were some very clever details. The way that they identified each other was that they were given. particular banknotes to show each other and they'd been texted the number of the serial number of the banknote to look for to prove that they were legit. So they had code names like Robin Hood,

Geran, Geran and ACDC. God, it's lucky that the actual Durand Girand were not on that flight. They could have been a very confusing and worrying thing for Durand Girand. And the plan was they'd rented to storage units in Lake Macquarie where they were going to keep it

and send it out from there. And the package of cocaine, there was a symbol stamped on a rooster or a four-leaf clover or a horseshoe or something saying what was going on. But there was a problem, Andrew. And this is the thing, if you are involved in a global cocaine conspiracy, just a note to you and anyone else listening is interested in this business. You don't want to use a clandestine underworld app that's been set up by the FBI because they were part of this famous anorm scan. Do you remember the anorm scam? We've ever been using this app to, like, kind of criminal WhatsApp, and the FBI ran it and got all the info.

You've got to hand it to the FBI on that one, Domi. That's extraordinary. Is it a well-reviewed and popular app this one? Not anymore. I think it's really dropped in the App Store charts. I can imagine the ratings would be fairly low after the Duran-Juran people, you know, posted their opinions of the app. Ironically, if they'd used actual WhatsApp, they would have been absolutely fine.

You can't, it's sort of end-to-end encrypted. Last year, you'd be in a criminal conspiracy with Mark Zuckerberg. He's probably worse than any of those. Anyway, so a lot went wrong. Andrew, I'm going to tell you about some of the things that went wrong after this. This, please. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. So given that the FBI got in, they managed to grab the packages, the original packages,

and swap it out for harmless white powder. Now, presumably the Colombian police disposed of, of the original cocaine and... I suppose they disposed of it. Yeah, they'd be known for that, wouldn't they? Absolutely. Then what happened was, it went into a boat and... The fake stuff.

The fake stuff got put... Yeah, I assume that the proper stuff was resold for a profit for the police. Oh, yeah. Traditionally. What are they used for the fake stuff? What is it? Do you know, it's flour or... Yeah, it could be.

Mm-hmm. I don't know. I'm not sure what it is. Baking soda. I don't know. And so what happened was, the boat went off. from South America on its way and a plane flew overhead

and the crew panicked and set the vessel on fire and it turned into an absolutely huge fireball they've got an aerial photo of it here and it's not good the entire ship is basically a giant fireball in the middle of the ocean I would have thought

for somebody to make their decision you'd imagine that they were just coked off their nips at the time you know they would have been using the product But they couldn't have been Because unless it was the placebo effect Because all that stuff was fake I think they were pretending Like they're just sort of go

Oh I'm so I was so jacked Or whatever the Spanish people But really they were quite Stone Cold sober When they made the decision To just set the boat a lot I mean I remember

I remember going to a karaoke once Where I was the only person Not using that And yeah I mean everyone else was basically spraying champagne On the ceiling and on the walls So I had to as well I had to

Just to fit in, not to be judged. Oh, you had to, yes. Well, you wouldn't want to be left out. But I mean, Geran, Geran and ACDC. That's right. But imagine if it had actually been cocaine, the tiniest sniff of the fire presumably would have completely destroyed them. The chopper pilot would have at a great time.

Would have been very confident going in to save those people. Absolutely. So what happened to the ACDC and Durand, Duran after this fire? So then another boat apparently was overloaded. They put too much on a boat. So it wasn't allowed to leave the dock in Ecuador because it was overloaded. Then COVID happened and syndicate members couldn't get down. The Panama Canal was shut.

You remember when it was blocked? They couldn't send it through Europe. So then they had to go via Cape Horn to try and do it. The team in Sydney were arrested and remained before the courts. I don't know whether any of them are ADC. I presume some of them are. And then another, there was another interception where the U.S. Coast Guard replaced the cocaine with an inert substance.

So to charge them with trafficking in cocaine seems a bit unfair when it seems as though they didn't actually manage to do any of it. No, you're right. They were just bringing in baking powder. I don't think that's an offence, is it? Absolutely. This could be a huge boom for the bakers of Sydney, I imagine, when all this stuff.

Are they distributing the flour or the baking powder, I hope, to needy bakers? Imagine how the delight of the bakers Even beyond The bakers, delight bakers I can't imagine They'd be very happy Just imagine the delight of bakers So these guys are known for their delight

They're not I mean bakers are famously delighted To get up at 3 a end Yeah Well there's a lot of white powder around a bakery Is there is a lot And a lot of delight And they're up at 3 in the morning Yeah

You know they're very driven Very confident and driven people Very long hours they do So this guy Yulich apparently Allegedly was part of the Sydney Underworld Before he worked on the gold and mile in King's Cross, did all that sort of stuff. And he went back to the Balkans.

He retired to Montenegro. And he had a vineyard there. He retired. He went back home. Well, he was now Albanian, actually. But he had a vineyard cultivated with grapes from South Australia. And the great news is that Montenegro doesn't have an extradition treaty with Australia.

So I'm not sure what's going to happen now that they've arrested him. But anyway, so it's an awful lot of cocaine to literally burn on the ocean or to just lose because it was too heavy. Look, it's one of the great goofball stories of the year, this one, I think. And, yeah, a fantastic business story, too. Well, I think the point of the matter is don't use encrypted apps. If you wanted to, I don't know, exchange information, just to hide it in plain sight in a podcast. I think so.

Yeah, yeah, launch a podcast. That's right. Just speaking to which, Andrew, can you ensure that the thing is processed and delivered appropriately, as we've discussed, and show the banknote that? With the serial number, 0-0-0-30-3525. If anybody use bloody cash nowadays, Domby, I'd be happy to waggle a banknote around. But I feel there was another fatal flaw in the plan. That's true, actually.

How suss is that the people are waving banknotes, and nobody has a banknote. You have to exchange credit card details on your phone. You have to tap to identify yourself. Exactly. I mean, what else could they have waggled around at each other? Like a fob watch? Yeah. What are the obsolete?

farthing? Yeah, here's what we'll do, guys. We'll ride out on our penny farthings, and that way we'll be able to spot each other at the end. With a cutthroat razor in time in case anyone dries to attack us. So, I mean, I guess it's quite a funny story that they were so inept and the pandemic fall. It's just so much money up in smoke.

But I just, I worry for the cocaine users of Sydney, Andrew. It's a town that when you grew up here, you know, that if you're completely sober, it's a harrowing place to be, isn't it? It's an awful place to pay, I know, I know. Look at the property prices. I think it's a, yeah, I'm very worried about it. It's just another pressure that Sydney people deserve not to face, not having any coke to snort right up their nostrils every morning for breakfast.

What are the tourists to do in this city? That's the only reason anybody would visit Sydney. The whole point of a night out in city, the reason why all the bars close early is because there's nothing to do, so you just go home. And by that stage, you're so drug-fucked, you don't care. Well, you only go to Sydney, you know, for the drugs. I mean, this is like visiting the champagne region in France and discovering that it has no champagne.

That's right. Or Amsterdam being sort of weed-free would be very depressing. Oh, that's very sad. Instead, you've got to, you just go to Montenegro and find a little vineyard. Yeah, track down, Mr. What's his name? ACDC. Oh, I don't know what his evening was, but yeah. Allegedly, this Eulich fellow.

So there you go. The most shocking thing to me, Andrew, is that anyone caught drug dealers, from what I've seen, they never get caught. Yeah, well, you know, but I imagine most of them are as tiny bit more competent than these boat immolating drug dealers that you've described from Montenegro. So, yes, there's a useful business tips, I think, for all of us. There, check the apps that you're using. Check the apps, check the apps.

Come up with less embarrassing pseudonyms than Durand, Duran. I think so. And if you're running a lovely vineyard in Montenegro, maybe, maybe. you just stick to that. Yes indeed. Gears from Road, we're part of the O'Connor Class Network. We'll see you next time. See you.