The Chaser Report - Who Records A Podcast In An Art Gallery | LIVE

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

Charles Firth is joined by Craig Reucassel, Mark Humphries, Gabbi Bolt, and international photographer Jennifer Forward-Hayter to talk about the latter's actual art exhibition of photos of The Chaser. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigle Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and without Charles. Once again, sorry, I've been in an all-day seminar thing today and haven't had time to record a new episode. Charles is incredibly busy with a forthcoming project to, which I'm sure he will plug two pieces on the podcast when it's finally official. So we haven't been able to record a new one for you, but there's an episode I haven't been able to bring myself to listen to yet. And I think if I can do it, we should all bring ourselves to listen to it together. It's called Live and Artie.

It's from November last year when I was travelling and couldn't come to this very exciting event featuring Craig Roo Castle, Mark Humphreys, Jennifer Ford Hater, Gabby Bolt, what a star-studded line-up and some guy called Charles Firth. I haven't listened to it, but why don't we all listen to it together? If you think we should do more live events for the Chaser Report, please email podcast at chaser.com.com. And tell us what and where you think we should do them, Unless, of course, you think we should do more live events without me, in which case I don't want to hear from you.

Anyway, let's enjoy slash suffer through this in a fog of jealousy if you're me. The Chaser Report, Live and Artie from November. Well, hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report Live and Artie. Nice. Yeah, well, I think the reason that Charles has done this is to answer the question, who are the people who would turn up to a podcast in an art gallery? Like, who is that nerdy? Yes, good.

So we're going to talk mainly about art tonight, but the way we wanted to kick it off, well, the way I wanted to kick it off was to bring up the topic of should arts funding be abolished? Because just explain what you're seeing in this room here, this is all by Jennifer Ford Hater, who's there, that's the artist.

And her name is apt because I think I hate her because she spent about a month trailing around, you know, the chaser office and, you know, following all the interns and watching us do, you know, and taking photos every single day. And I'm not in the fucking exhibition. Everyone else is like, oh, look, John, the intern,

Big fucking huge wall-sized poster of it Lachlan, the podcast producer Another wall Alexer, another intern Fucking gets a nude Andrew Hanson who doesn't even work on the thing now She flew down to Melbourne for one day Gets a photo of Andrew

puts it up Those Those fucking post-it notes in our office Hey, hey. Got a more prominent position than me. It's really good handwriting. We wrote those. I think.

To be fair, I mean, there is a picture of a suit there. I presume she photoshopped you out of that. Oh, Charles is in this. It does show that Jennifer has extraordinary taste. Yeah, it's great. I think I only took one photo of Andrew. Doesn't it won awards or something? Yeah, there's two awards.

It's won two awards. This photo of Andrew has to won two awards. And he's not even here. The photo of Charles is the toilet papers are nice. Yeah, there's a small photo. Because I know you're all desperate. You're all going, but where's the photos of Charles? And there's a small one at the front that she sort of,

like, I think she just got to develop a big W or something like that. And then there's one round there, and that's it. So I think the point is that all arts, funding should be abolished. Jen, I think you should take photos of this moment and then develop them later. And then you would look at it later and go, yeah, that just don't work, I don't know. No, it'll be a whole exhibition called Charles' rage. What's done with my technique?

What I would love everyone to do tonight is to take as many photos as you can and Photoshop Charles out of them. Yes. It would be fantastic. It would be stunning. It's good to know Charles, you have a face for podcasting but not for art. Yeah. But you've been on the receiving end of,

you've kind of worked out to how to game the arts funding system. Oh, yeah. You had a museum piece a few years ago called the Museum of Words. How did that come about? It was a big scam, wasn't it? This was the greatest scam of my life.

And I think actually also one of the greatest things I've ever done, actually, which is in 2012, I can't even remember why we did it. But I think we just wanted to make a bit of money, right? And so we thought, how do you make the most amount of money for the least amount of work, right? And we obviously thought, like Jennifer, art, right?

And so what we did is we came up with the... That's right, because city... This is really sad because, you know, I love City of Sydney, aren't they great? But we did sort of scan them. But so City of Sydney were doing their cultural grandkids. Every year they do cultural grants, they give arts grants out. And so, and it was coming up.

And so I applied, I said, why don't we photocopy a whole lot of words, put them on a piece of paper, and put them on walls, and we'll call it a museum of words, right? And so I then wrote up this application describing, you know, this museum of words, which was literally just photocopied pieces of paper

pieces of paper on a wall and they gave me $20,000 to do it and it was fucking fantastic and it was so good and then some other funder came on for another seven and a half grand because like we'd got this arts grant and suddenly I was in like the arts grant

industrial complex industry right and we had so much fun we spent like $1,000 on the invitations and the way we did the invitations was we did we got black cardboard and then we printed it in black and send it out to everyone

and then and then the whole concept because we got a bit ambitious because you've got $27,000 to spend right? Sure. And so we went why don't we get famous people to donate words right? And then the idea is that they're not allowed to use that word while it's donated to the gallery. So we wrote to everyone, we wrote to Gina Reinhart and And she donated the word

Perseverance with this really shitty sort of arrogant, conservative description of the word and then we wrote to the queen this is the best one

wrote to the queen she replied saying that she wouldn't donate a word they're very polite That's great I own all the words fuck off

I presume she wrote this down though He donated like a hundred words explaining that she wouldn't donate a word. What a cunt. To make sure. God rest her soul. To make sure they didn't steal another word, she wrote it on white paper and white ink. Well, the British Empire is very white.

So it's interesting, that's a much stronger argument for getting rid of arts funding than the fact that you're not in this exhibition. I've got to say, Charles. I would have opened with that. No, but the funny thing was, okay, so what happened was, we then, because the whole point about art is you've got to get publicity, you've got to get people to come along, right? So we then, like, the day before it launched,

because we hired this beautiful, the chalice gallery or something like that, like chalice studios or something, Chalice Street. Clearly fond in your heart, yeah. In Pot's point, like this amazing building. to put up all the photocopied words. And, and... Do we even frame them? I can't even remember...

Yeah, we framed them. It did actually look quite good. Yeah, yeah. I was pleasantly surprised. Yeah. I mean, it printed out a little core... We had a description of each word. Like, you know, there was like a definition.

A dictionary. And we had a gift shop. We had a gift shop. What were you saying? No, no, like, we had a definition of dictionary, which was called a portable museum of words, right? And you could buy the words, couldn't you? You could buy the words?

Oh, yeah, yeah, it was art. It was all about money, yeah. And people did buy. How much were the words going for? Like 200 bucks. Yeah, of course. Anyway, so then... You really invented NFTs before.

You really invented. Well, you actually came up with the best idea you ever had and failed it. And fucked it up. But to get publiced, for the event. I rang up the art critic at the Herald. This lovely woman called Susan Wyndham who I treated very poorly, right?

Because the first... So I started out by pointing out that it was a total scam and criticising our funders going, this is an entire scam. You know, the city. you said he should be ashamed for funding this. It's just a whole lot of words on a wall.

Just to get publicity. Like, it was sort of performance art, right? Like, I wasn't actually saying that. Just to get the numbers in, right? And then, and then we were trying to get, and that went viral. There was the top story in the Herald that day. And then we went, how do we milk it?

So my producer and I sat down. We went, how do we milk it for another news cycle? Like, get a second bite of the. Cherry. We went, we've got a stage, a fight, and you have to sack me, right, for saying such awful things about arts funding, right? And so we orchestrated it, and we're just sitting there, and I texted, no, I tweeted out. I can't believe how shit Tanya Safi is. She's so shit. You're, you know, like, you know, what a disgrace, you know, and changed my bio to not be, you know, founder of the museum

works And so you were saying I've been sacked I've been sacked Yeah I've been sacked Within five minutes Susan goes What's the story

And it's like I'm too angry to talk Right And she calls Tanya And she and And at one point She goes now Are you sure

You're not just like Pranking me You know This is legit And it's like Oh I'm totally sure And we got a whole Extra

And then at that When global Right Like that actually, the BBC picked it up. I did this long... Anyway, there. Can I just say, sorry, as a young person where getting an arts grant

is like finding a needle in a fucking haystack, I'm so mad about this. All I have to do is fake that I'm good at something. And it's like, oh, he's $20,000. Gabby, I know it's very frustrating. It's obviously an evil act that he did. Yes. But as long as he's never stupid enough

to record it and put it out live on a podcast, it's fine he's such a genius guy I almost just feel like really cheated because I've worked for him and at no point has he been like Gabby here's what you should do to get some extra money

it's like you've been hiding your secrets it's all in grants applications yeah yeah yeah we have talked about we talked about the fact that Charles hasn't made the exhibition and I think we've all agreed that's a good move yes the audience is definitely on board for that

well done Jen you've really nailed it let's talk about some of the art that did make And I'd like to, if you all turn around to the back there, this picture of Mark here, Gabby, can you describe this for the people who can't see this picture? As in, like, for podcast-friendly viewing. Yeah, yeah. What is, what is, explain Mark there? Mark is attempting to do the Michael Jackson lean.

And then halfway through looking at the camera, realizing he's being documented and immediately regretting that decision. Trusting he's growing forward. I don't know why. Why? Were we there that day? It was a private solo shit. So we let you do that.

No, like, I'm just, I feel like a bad friend that I watched you, obviously, pose like this. And then you didn't intervene at all. You didn't stop that crying for me. Obviously, Mark was like, well, I'll never put this in because they got all these great photos of charts. Yeah, no, I'm not sure. So, yeah, talk us through that, right?

Well, yeah, there's clearly a lot behind it. Yeah, it could talk to me. I mean, it's, it reeks of single and ready to mingle, doesn't it? I think my marriage had just ended and I think that comes through in the photo. Interestingly enough,

that photo was presented by your ex-wife to the court and she got a 100% custody and all of the money just off that photo. Yeah, that's exactly right. At the moment, and I guess this is the thing

goes back to Charles's thing, at the point where you were doing that, did you realize you were art? I've always felt I'm art I feel everything I do is art and it was just nice that someone finally captured it but I think it's also true

that whatever your worst pose is is the one that will be Make the shot yeah I will Craig is there a single photo of you in this exhibition No I'm not in this at all So you have no stakes

and you're just ready to roast You were too busy working Wait is there a photo of a plastic bag somewhere or Oh no Craig get out of a plastic bottle Jen flew to Melbourne to photograph two seconds of Andrew apparently she couldn't find me in Sydney

No you're too busy being a wild life wire I thought they should be offended by this old thing No no Wait you sounds like a threat But you've posed You must have posed at some point for a portrait Or some sort How old are you?

I've asked for an archibald before What? Have you like sat for one? Well no just it was actually But, well, it wasn't really planned. It was just a friend who was an artist was cross-road and we got really drunk. And he painted me, but then he didn't finish it.

Stunning. So then he gave me, I literally have rolled up in my house. Like, he gave me a, like, it's like about, I'd say, four metres by six-meter picture of me. It's actually done quite a good job. What the fuck am I going to do with that? I am not one of those people who would ever get, I would think I find it fascinating people.

Like, you walk into the house and go, oh, there's a picture of you. That's good. Anyone that buys their archibald and puts it on the wall is a psychopath. Yeah, but I got a good deal on mine. Oh, shit. Oh, yes. Oh, no.

So, wait a minute, you sat for... Yes, I sat for one, which was, it was, didn't make it. That's why you've never seen it. I think the most... Did you do that post? Is that why? I went to it that easy. This is my one.

People don't know it's the packing room prize and then there's the ones they burn. I think the least dignifying part of it is having to carry it in with the artist to the gallery to be rejected. Wait, did they do that in person? No, no. Oh, I thought it was like top model.

I really was like they wheel each painting and they're like, no, no, definitely not. It was shark tank, I was saying, this pose means single wedded a mingle. And, yes, and it was rejected. And so, yes, it had no inheritance. But how did you find the experience of being painted? Oh, it was thrilling.

It was good, well, I mean... How long did it take? Well, I mean, I was probably only... You know, he took a few photos, some tasteful nudes, and then I did... And, which is for his private collection. But I think I probably only, maybe an hour or two, and he felt like he had enough.

Oh, right, because I always saw the rule with the Archibor, was that the person had to sort of sit and you paint them while they were sitting. That is the rule. That's why to get in. Maybe I'm sorry in the artist. It might have been longer. Now I think about seven to eight days.

So you know the interesting thing about nude painting right now is that so the first person that turned up for this particular thing today was quite a young, hot guy, right? And I thought, wow, this is a lot younger audience and I expected for this. What to see now? It turns out that, well, is no offence to all of you.

It turns out that the reason was is that this room tonight is normally used for a nude painting exhibition and he's the nude model and they've moved it into the other room over there. Hey, it's what I'm in the wrong room. We're all going to look at him at the end of the speech. You're going to stay for the podcast, okay?

And when you see the pose that he goes for. Yeah, exactly. It's like a bit of a current. and stick, so I've told you there's a hot guy posing nude over there, but also at the end of this, Mark will do that pose again nude as well. Between the two of them, we will all be in the other room, very quickly. You can have one incredible man or settle for three really average ones. Thank you and good night.

I didn't mean it. I didn't mean that. I think that's a fair call. I didn't mean, I did, but I'm going to say I didn't because I need to get paid. So, Charles, you haven't sat for... I never. Thank God. I was really worried I was the only one on this panel. Yeah, have you...

No, I'm young. Who wants to paint me? They'll be like, cool, painting of young, poor, in a West Sydney person. It's not going to go anywhere. Well, they're so common. Yeah. But none of us have made it in, though. It's fine.

No, no. I mean, we can't even afford art. We can't... As renters, we're not even allowed to put... Yeah. So on the wall. Yeah, because you're renters, aren't you? Yeah.

It's funny. Yeah, it's interesting because there was a bit of a generational divide in this panel, and I was thinking on the way in here. We've got a bit of an art kind of crowd here, so I was trying to write down some of the potential topics that would work with a... Can I just run this past you two to see if we'll go... Is it annoying when you fill all your walls with art so you have to buy a second house?

Isn't that... Yes. Yes. Isn't that annoying? It is. Oh, that's so annoying. See, look. Oh, God, it's working.

It's so relatable for this crowd. And you've got to play stamp duty. It's such a shame that it's harder to buy art through your Superfund now. Yes. It's definitely the case, isn't it? You know, doesn't it suck? Doesn't it suck? Everyone is going to be on board with this one.

Doesn't it suck when you're trying to build a new, like, part of the gallery and give them their money and get your name on it and stuff? And they do the ethics test and you don't pass. Fuck, I hate that. Well, I... Well, I thought about just putting up some words in my apartment. Apparently, that's going to cost me $20,000. You can do that now.

Sell it. It's fine. No, but anyway, it's great. I have mold growing in my house that I tell the landlord is art and then hope that he doesn't look too closely. It kind of does look like a dog, though. Hang on, too. Why isn't the landlord?

I'm never saying the mould. Why isn't the landlord responsible to the mold? What do you mean? Why isn't the landlord fixing the mold? Yeah, why don't it? and I just go buy a house. Like, I don't know, what do you mean? That's like, you get a house in Sydney.

You know you're getting mold and potentially a lung infection. Like, that's the bare minimum now. Yeah, but I feel like that that's the... I went to a friend's house the other day and the floor squelched, dude. Like, the bar floor, bar, coffin. Like, that's where it is.

And look, I did get your application to me to fix that. And look, I would have fixed it, but I've seen some great art here tonight. And I really feel like... Indeed. The mould in your place is a sort of Rorschach test, is it? Oh, what is that? What is that? Sorry.

You said you saw a dog in it. Yeah, yeah. It kind of looks like it's kind. Well, you kind of got to squint, but you, you squint and like sort of like, and then back away. And it kind of looks like a dog. It's a magic eye puzzle, is what you're saying. I mean, it's mold, Mark. I don't know what to tell you.

We didn't exactly train it to look the way it did. But every time somebody mentions it, I just say, yeah, it's art. Maybe you should convert your house into an art. Can't convert. No, no, no, no. Just put a sign out the front saying art gallery. Like a business. Get a grant.

Yes, get a grant. You can get a grant to show the problem with renting in Sydney. You put frames around the moulds. The mould and put a little signature in the bottom of, like, next to the mould. Yeah. So that, you know, it's like your art. This is good. And then you get, give people stickers and then get a whole of people who own property to come in.

They'll put stickers around all the... How many people do you? you think I know that own property? I'm genuinely curious because I can tell you. Well, yeah, okay, you're all welcome at my house. My sharehouse will hate it. I presume you own property but you just rent because you make a good tax reasons.

No, that's why anyone in Parliament rants. No, that's renting as performance are. I think that, look, I think that to be fair, this podcast has taken a kind of a bad turn whereby it's kind of whereby it's really people in an older generation picking on people from a younger generation which is why I'd like to extend that for a second if we look at this picture over here of Lachlan right so Lachlan one of the young interns that helped down the

chaser obviously was exploited by Charles obviously that's an entire case for the future weren't we all but what's fascinating about art is that it captures a moment and if you actually look at that piece of art there is a there is on the wall there is a little square piece of for paper that says Lachlan will give everyone $110 if Labor wins the election signed by Loughlin. I love this.

So now, the question is, did Lachlan cough up? No. No. No. So this is fantastic as what we've now done is, again, one of the younger

generation of the chaser is now losing an extra $110. Although, to be fair, how do you read that? Is it $110 to everyone? and you spread it between everyone, or everyone involved in the chase that gets $110 from Loughlin?

I think everyone in the chase gets $110 dollars. That's how you read it. I wanted to be nicer because when he made that bet, I knew it was dumb. But this is my favourite photo because it's actually,

I just complete, I was saying before we went live, I forgot that that bet ever existed and now it's documented in the biggest format possible. It's on a photo. And I was just texting him today and he's just bought a PS5.

And so now, I'm kind of like, well, you can make up for this bet if you just let me play that. My plan is actually just to dock his wages now. Until the debt is paid off. Sort of indentured labour. That chance is no, no. I mean, what is a better lesson for him to not gamble

than to make him hock his brand new PS5? Yes, yeah. To pay everyone $100,000. Merry Christmas. But what gave him the confidence? to think that Morrison would win. He doesn't have confidence. He's a young person.

No, he just wanted to be contrarian. Yeah, so he thought that... That is true, actually. That's interesting. But a lot of people thought Morrison would win up until the election. They were just in the right-wing meeting. But this is dated 8th of February 22.

Oh, this is before he spear attack on the child. No, I think it was just after he speared to take of it. And Lockham went, that's a winner right there. That's the winning man. Actually, Lockland does play soccer. I mean, it's a very real possibility. He saw that slick slide tackle and went, that's my man. I love in that moment that moment that moment that

that moment that he knows he's fucked. As soon as he lets go, he has to face the consequences of having spear tackled a child. I do also love that that bet is placed above a drawing that we made of Loughlin that was initially meant to audition him for a non-existent show that we were. we heard about like once in the office where they were looking for a young affable receptionist and lockland for some reason thought that was him so we drew him like a headshot because he didn't have one and it had started out very very genuine and like lockland young affable receptionist and somehow turned into lockland sex lawyer i really i really wish i could

explain how that happened does that say sex lawyer yeah it's my handwriting um but i don't know how we got there and i still couldn't tell you that is a great concept for a show Sex lawyer. But it's also a hole in the market. There's so few sex lawyers down the way. It's also the vibe I was going for in my photo. Because, true, if that's it, Markle's sex lawyer. It would make total deluge.

Just for any podcast listeners, this is really good stuff if you could see the photo. I think that's sex paralegal, actually. Sex typist. Poverty of the... stop it. I've got to shut my mouth. The reason I picked that photo is because we've talked about it here, you're going to have to put it out on Instagram and everything else

to go with this podcast. That's if we added it up. I would hate for only the people in this room to see that photo. It's a shame, isn't it? But we've got artists in the audience. Darren, hello, Darren, how I imagine? Oh, okay. Now, Darren, what do you think about Charles's?

I mean, have you had any success with arts funding? Have you gone through grants applications? What do you think about Charles's approach to? It took all the great words. It took all the great words. You were in it before us. Well, I think that's right. Because you can only do it once, right, can you?

Because the whole point about art is it's got to be completely unique. Like, the definition of art is something that's never been done before. Sorry, did you just change the font? That's brilliant. That's brilliant. Museum of words. Comic Sans. Brilliant.

To be fair, that's a thinker. To be fair, Charles can probably sue Jen because she has just photographed, like, post-a-noses. That's a dictionary. That's a museum of words. You can get caught. What a hack. What a hack.

I do feel like that we should probably give Jen a kind of right or reply to the entire attack we're done. Jay, come up. You can have a mic. And, oh. Yeah. Great applause. Welcome to slides

The artist Oh There you go Yes Exactly yes Yeah the movement is going to be Just photos of Mark Humphrey In various ways

I'm surprised The exhibition isn't just that photo Multiple times What it started off is that That was the main image And it was going to be Just as big as Alexa And then it slowly got smaller

And smaller Okay It is true that it's strange that we haven't mentioned the fact that there's a, the largest picture in the whole room. No, don't worry about it. Is Alexa naked with a suitcase with money in front of him? If you knew Alexa though, that's like a Thursday for Alexa. Like if you go to his Twitter account,

that's literally like every second post. And actually, Alexa was here at the premiere on Tuesday and he walked in and he went, oh, thank God it's that one. So what was the one that he was fearing? So I think he was going to try and make a video about this guy he found that skinned cats. And so you know what I'm talking about that. Yeah, I've seen the cats.

So he was like, I would turn up with the camera. I was five minutes late. His clothes were off. And he was like, do you want to see the cats? And I was like, yes, of course I want to see the cats. And I think his girlfriend or someone at the time just threw some skin cats down at me and I was like fantastic.

That sounds like a classical X or interaction. Did you find out if there is indeed more than one way to skin a cat? Get back to them. Mark, I would say you're better than that, but I've seen a photo. I want to ask you a question though about because a lot of people want to get into art

and there's a lot of arts people hearing this. But I want to ask Jen about the, you know, the approach, what it takes to get art. So the picture we talked about earlier, which is just a suit hanging on the wall there, okay, actually has a fascinating backstory. That is actually Karl Stefanovic's sexism suit. So now, but this is the story behind it. You flew to the Sunshine Coast to Nusa to try and find this.

Should I explain what Carl Stephanos? This is the suit that he wore for like a year every day. day over and over to show, prove that people cared about what women wore, not what men wore. It was, look, it's a great shame that in actual fact is the greatest statement about fashion waste that's ever been made by Carl Stefanovic. True. He's our greatest environmental warrior and sexism warrior that there is. Okay? We're all just... You know, Germain Greer was good, but, you know, in terms of Australian feminists, I think

Carl Stefanovic ranks high. Smashed her out of the park just by not changing. But you flew to Noosa to get it. Now, talk us through what you went through to actually get this. Well, so I sort of stalked this guy for about a month, and I followed him on every social media, and I found his parents, because I knew this suit had been auctioned off

to a kind of wedding company on Hamilton Island, and so I found everyone involved in that organisation, and I was like, where's the suit? Who's got it? And it ended up being the son of the owners who had moved to Nusa and he was in America. So it crossed like four different time zones and it was just hanging out in his wardrobe.

I was like, I'm coming to your house. But the interesting part of it is you're leaving out the pack. It says on this thing, you slept overnight in a public toilet. Your trousers tucked into your socks to fend off deadly spiders. with $10,000 of uninsured camera equipment in a Nusa toilet. Yeah, that's typical Nusa life, isn't it? What I like about this is that to Jen, that's just the normal part of the art story. She didn't even think that was the strange part of it.

She's like, I don't do that every night. What are you talking about? I'm an artist. Australian public toilets are so clean. They are cleaner than places that I've rented. There's been some campaigning done by some prominent radio personalities in a Australia to ensure that they're better than others. That's good, yes.

No, I inspected one earlier today. I put it in an offer of $1,000 a week. Could I put my spare art there if you get it? Because I just got too much fucking art for the walls. It can be like the Maricville Metro where they put the big portrait of young Albao up. We could just put the portrait of you up there. That'd be great. Brilliant.

If anyone's got a spare toilet for my art, that'd be great. But so the guy literally has just. bought this suit and it's just holding onto it in Nusa. You can rent it out, can't you? Well, no, now you can. Now it just is in his wardrobe because he left his parents and started his own business I don't know, doing something boring.

So now he has the suit just in his wardrobe. But at least he's a feminist. What I like about this story, though, is that is that Jen, as a photographer doing this kind of art exhibition, has better investigative journalism skills than most journalists in Australia. Yeah, she's tracked this guy down.

Genuinely. I will say as well, there was an ABC documentary just before this. There was partly about the chaser and being offensive and stuff. And they tried to track it down and they didn't. They couldn't do it. Well, there you go. When has Kate McClymonde ever slept in a toilet? I ask you that.

But talking of journalists, friendly Jordies, he's also on the wall there. Do you want to explain what happened the night you shot him? I mean, not, shot him. Fuck, sake. I turn up to his place. He's super stressed. His whole team is super stressed. He's in the studio, right?

Yeah, yeah. I'm in his little studio, he plays. Got fishes and paintings of himself everywhere. Craig. Callback. Unintentional callback. Stealing my material. And he's super distracted, super stressed because he can't find his house keys.

And I'm there, and I'm like, I don't care about your house keys. I'm here to photograph you. So stop, look, you don't need your house keys. They're not important. Forget about it. The next day... I slept in piss. I'd kill for fucking house keys.

I've killed several wild pests with my bare hands. It's all boasting about having a house keys. I got here on the back of a wild deer And so the next day I get a text message of a house on fire And it's his house He had not found his house keys Because I had distracted him

And so he was safe I saved his life He slept in the studio that night And they found as well His fire alarm had been tampered with at his home so him and his girlfriend would have just been burnt alive. Can I ask you, Jennifer, did you firebom his house? Yeah, I was going to say.

For the sake of this anecdote. Well, when I turned up, he invited me to the press conference, and when I turned up, he was like, I bet you're happy. Did he, on any level, accuse you there? Sorry, did he, like, on any level, accuse you of firebombing? I don't think legally he could. No, it's true. But obviously you were massively disappointed

because had he died in that, you would have got the last photograph of him, which is... Exactly, exactly. Way, way fucking worth way more. I mean, the fact that it's just one of 20 things out the back there is because he's still alive. Fucking hell.

I want the artist in the room. Hey, I'm just saying to the artist in the room, finish the job. We're not going to broadcast this, are we? Well, I'm currently the editor, so how about we just edit that one out? Note to me later, leave it in. Where do we go from there? I don't know.

Surely that's enough. Is that enough? To be fair, you've given them a tip of how to get arts funding. I've told them how to make a picture being worth a lot more. Fuck more can we give this arts crowd. Oh, you've also taught young artists that their life is worth more if they just cut it off now. Like, that's the vibe we end on. Great vibe, everyone. Merry Christmas.

Christ. So usually Dominic Knight co-hosts The Chaser Report. And the one skill that he has is he always has the ability to sort of wrap things up neatly. So that's... A lot of people think that's a bit But the other day I had to edit a podcast episode With Charles and a literal robot I'm not kidding

Charles went, Dom's not here So what could I do? Could I call any number of my friends That I know are great at talking on podcast? Nah, I'm just going to interview Google's new AI And I'm going to stretch it out for 15 minutes And then I'm listening to this thing At 11pm at night while editing going

like this is it was it was sad because Charles got out Fox by Charles Charles signed the company over to Google AI fucking never leave it to Charles

At one point the AI went Charles do you think we should wrap this episode up now Hang on Hang on that's great That means we were replaced Tom That's his only use it was a low point

I couldn't know I can't believe if we were telling you this I wouldn't I wasn't planning on outing this problem but I debated texting you being like Charles this is maybe the worst episode that you have ever recorded of this show we got so many complaints about it

or people email just going please never do that again and then the story keeps going and I haven't told you this bit either because I'm convinced you actually didn't listen to the next episode the next episode happens because on that episode Charles very doubt

in the dubs of what he's just done, says, and I promise, Don will be back tomorrow. And then lo and behold, the next day comes. I'm like, cool, so when are you guys recording? And they go, oh, fuck. And so they don't record anything. And then Charles is like, oh, we'll just, you know, go back to one of the war stories.

But the problem is when he said, so, you know, go back to the war stories, the protocol is you have to still do an intro. And I didn't feel like recording one. So I just went on AI. And I made Snoop Dog. give the intro to the next episode of the podcast and you never said anything

so I was just convinced you never listened to it I did not ask your opinion that's this week that happened like three days ago and I just want to point out has anyone noticed that Dom hasn't done the last several podcasts guess who got the last photo of Dom Night ladies and gentlemen

I told you finished the job I'm selling it out of the front it's worth millions Well, since Charles isn't capable of this, this has been the chaser report. Let's look at the nude guy. Our gear is from Road and we're part of the Iconiclass Network. See ya.