The Chaser Report - Who Won Our Raw Dogging Challenge??? | Andrew Hansen

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

The moment all you hardcore raw-doggers have been waiting for has come. Andrew and Dom announce the results of our 10 Hour Raw Dog Challenge, and also dive into the wider concept of Chicken Vol-Au-Vents. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. Dom here with the triumphant return of Mr. Raw Dog himself, Andrew Hanson. How did you go with the Raw Dog Challenge, Dommy? You know, we set everybody the challenge, didn't we, of, you know, listening to a 10-hour-long episode of this very podcast, as you would, if you were raw dogging on a 10-hour flight

and doing nothing at all, having no entertainment, nothing whatsoever, just sit there and listen to it and see if you could spot the secret message. Without even going to the toilet, indeed. Without any further ado, to announce and applaud the winner of the challenge, the first person to correctly identify what was said and when it was said. Let's get into who they were and what they did after this. Bill to the suspense, who wants to be a millionaire style?

Andrew, did you like that? Look, I'm on the edge of my seat down. Even I couldn't spot the hidden phrase, and I said it. You did. It was very hard to spot. Over to Omja Das, who emailed at 9.17am on the day of release, straight into it. I don't know how Omja managed to listen to it. I assume Omji didn't skip forwards or, you know, load it into a sound editing app or something to look for the waveform.

No, no, no, no. I'm sure he listens to all the advertisements too, very faithfully sits and listens to them, It doesn't skip forward. And Omja says, Andrew says, Chicken Volvovo at 7 hours and 47 minutes to get it to 747 into the podcast. Andrew, did you indeed say chicken vol avant?

Yes, that is the absolute correct answer. Congratulations to you for having listened to all 10, or at least the first seven hours and 47 minutes. How do we know, Domi, that they, that they listened to the remaining, you know, two hours and twenty-three minutes. Omje doesn't strike me as a kind of person who would do us dirty on this one. Here's a quick clip from the podcast of The Fateful Moment when Andrew did actually say something during our 10-hour ordeal.

Producer Lachlan, please insert here. Chicken voluvon. What he said. And I must say it was suspenseful for me to just know what you were going to say, when you were going to say it. I've never waited so long. It was like waiting for, I don't know, tickets to you two back in the day or something.

Oh, it was suspenseful for me, too, don't mean, waiting seven hours and 47 minutes just to speak. Because I was terrified. I was going to miss my cue because I know that we had agreed. It had to be seven hours, 47 minutes to sound like an airplane. Yes. I was petrified. Imagine if I'd forgotten to come in on time and I'd come in at 748,

we would have had to start again. We would have had to start, restart the recording and do it. another seven minutes of seven hours of 47 minutes. Yeah, I must say as well, it was a bit of a punish after you said chicken vo lovonne. I think I just laughed and said, there was nothing else to look forward to you. I had no idea what you were going to say. But then knowing that I had to keep going for another year, two hours and 13 minutes, after the suspense had been sort of dissipated from the chat, yeah, it wasn't easy,

but it was worth it for the listeners, Andrew, because it's all about the listeners. And it's all about Omja, who wins a prize. Well done, Omja. I just realized you're right, Dommy. It's 2 hours 13. I can't add up. I don't know how many minutes I'm talking about here. But look, I don't know what the prize is going to be yet

because Charles is in charge of all the merch. Mr. Inflatable Avocado Pultoy himself. He's still overseas, so we'll check it out with him when he comes back. I can't get into the merch cupboard. I'm not even sure which state it's located in. So there is a giant stockpile of chaser merch. I've been there a long time ago. We'll break into it for you, Hunter.

Or even which country. I mean, you know, it's probably buried deep underneath the earth in Norway, like nuclear waste. That's right, with biohazard signs on it. That's true. Now, look, Honourable mentioned to the others who mentioned the whole thing. There are a couple of comments here. Let's just go through some of them.

But Omja is our winner. The others were later than Omja. Andrew Rutherford says, and the thing we forgot, Andrew, is that, in fact, there are ads in the podcast. So it's hard to time it exactly to 747, which makes me think that Omja did actually download the MP3 of the audio so that it was 747. Andrew Rutherford said 7 hours 42 and 20 seconds.

Andrew says something. It sounds like chicken voluven and he had to check the spelling of Volvovon. So well done, got that right. Oh yeah, well done. Or maybe they're French. Indeed. Nandita Hanam said, I thought you two were playing silly buggers,

but it's there at 748 and 38. It's not 747 47. And Dom says what he said. We're going to play silly. So the involvement of advertisers has ruined everything as it always does. Yeah, well, we could have foreseen. couldn't we? Yeah, of course.

They've actually sabotaged our entire competition and rendered it invalid, I think. I mean, I don't think we can even hand out a prize now. Indeed. We might have to hand out a prize to everybody. I mean, it depends what Charles Firth can afford to get out of the chasing nuclear vault. And I mean, Alan Rutherford's confessed that he cheated. Alan said, well, that was fun, incorrect. Luckily, I decided it would be in the last half of the episode.

So I saved a bit of time. To clearly skip forward, Alan. Yeah, I think so. Well, look, I think Alan's not the only one. I mean, I noticed on the socials, you know, you and I were messaged by the ABC's Matt Bevan. Oh, yes, Matt Bevan. And that was within a very short time of the release of the podcast. I don't believe Matt Bevan would have listened to the full 10 hours to identify the phrase.

He's a busy man. He's making if you're listening and, but he did have a rather brilliant suggestion, which is that he was proposing a remixed version that had you saying chicken vollo phone and end the sleep for seven hours and 47 seconds and then a brief delay, the brief empty space and then continuing for the rest of the pod. I thought that was good. It was a wonderful idea to challenge people to spot when the silence occurs. I mean, imagine listening to that. You want raw dogging.

You try chicken volavon dogging. That would be really, really punishing. Yes, and the one thing, you've discovered, the one thing worse than no food on flight is a flight with chicken vollevon at seven minutes, seven hours, 47 minutes into it. So that's, I don't know if we'll actually make that version, but I guess, I mean, you've got some skills. You could take the little clip and turn into a dance, dance floor, banger, couldn't you? Well, like, you know, why don't we do that? Perhaps we can release that in a future episode.

That would be wonderful. The Chicken Vollerville single. It might be coming your way. Should I include the seven hours and 47 minutes of silence in the dance single as well? I think that could be in the radio edit. That's the 12-inch remix. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, we'll release that and see if Nova will play.

They'd probably be quite pleased. They would. You know, fill their whole day of schedule, you know. The world's first seven-hour and 47-minute pop song. It would be a lot better than a lot of radio. I think rather than Kyle and Jackie O. I would rather listen to that. Oh, look, I think there's a lot to be said for just silence or aeroplane noise on the radio dummy.

You know, I mean, Smooth FM, for instance, they advertise themselves as being, you know, more music, nice talk. But I reckon we should start a station that's less music, less talk. Yeah. Airplane noise. Just the white noise. And this is what Matt Bevan said on X slash Twitter, that it was, if someone went to bed at 10pm, he worked out, They'd be woken up at 5.48 a.m. by someone saying chicken vaulovant, thereby ruining the white noise track that people could use for sleeping purpose. And I must say, it's a long time since I got to sleep for seven hours, 47 continuously.

I'd love, even that would be a huge improvement. No, children interact with me. Imagine at our point in life, dummy, even to sleep for seven minutes and 47 seconds would be amazing. I think Matt may have missed the point that. He's supposed to be raw-dogging the episode. You're not meant to sleep through the episode as a soothing, soothing white noise calming. I know. This is the problem.

That's not what it's for. This is the thing that's really disappointing is that we've succeeded in producing a sleep aid, Andrew. I mean, if we could have slept while recording it, it would be much better. The Chase of Report. It's your sleep aid. A lot of people put in that they tried sleeping to it. Oh, did they? Yeah.

Anybody succeed? Anybody say that it was useful or good in that way? Yeah, some people did actually. Lauren said, thanks for a surprisingly therapeutic episode. The white noise really helped me relax after a rather stressful week. So that's, there you go, an accidental public service. Oh, that's fantastic to hear, Lauren. I'm pleased that we could have done that for you.

Lauren emailed me several times just in case it hadn't worked. I think a few people got sort of bounced backs or something. I'm not sure what went on there. Classic, classic chaser. Something to do with, you know, cost cutting. But I mean, Michael, for a special award to Michael, with no monetary value, Michael emailed me at least five times on podcast at chaser.com. at AU, say that nothing was said until nine hours and 59 minutes and 37 seconds, thus missing

the whole point. Michael said it worked as quite noise to go to sleep, but completely missed the chicken Volvovo and just came back for the ending. Back for the, that would be irritating. Michael, you need to listen again. Just go back and do it. Mark sent a screencap of having gotten to the end of the whole 10 hours, although of course you could skip forward, so hoping it was genuine.

My bladder is full, says Mark, thank you. Fuck, it wasn't water music in the background. Yes, if we'd done 10 hours of a dripping tap, that would have been torturous, wouldn't it? And said, the 10 hours of static was therapeutic and has cleared out my ear canal. So Mark Mr. Volavon as well. Interesting.

I suppose I said it in a very soothing way. It was. It was very nice how you said it. Yeah, if you were in the middle of REM sleep, it might have just made you dream of floating chicker volavans. Oh, you can imagine, yes, that the Homer Simpson sort of land of chicken volavon. Oh, yeah.

I would all like to live there. Little trampolines. You don't see them anymore, do you? I mean, I haven't been offered a Volvo in many years. Have you, Dolly? No, it's been a very long time. It's been a very long time in between Volvovovon. I remember, I think it was Jeff Duff who had a whole, who had a song about volvons, didn't he?

Tell us what inspired you. I mean, you had seven hours. One of the biggest creative challenges of your life, Andrew, really, is having to work out what you would say, what random thing you would say. I didn't know what to expect. Well, it had to be, look, it had to be. something quite unusual that people had not encountered in a long time. This is why I said it, Donnie, because

I was thinking, what's something that I could dredge up from the mists of history and, you know, not something that's on everybody's mind? No, it's not at all. It's not at all. Although I'm hoping it now is. I quite like to see the return of the chicken bollabwe. It's a nice hot little creamy treat in a

pastry case. It's nice, isn't it? Particularly now that you're off the veggo. Yes, chicken bolliver. One of the great treats to meet it is, Let's just take a moment to think about chicken Voivant, shall we while we'll listen to ads. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. Yes, no, I would devour several if they were here, Andrew, if we had chicken Voivant. But my question, just about your creative process, I always want to know how the great minds work.

Did you immediately seize upon Voivant, like about a minute or two into the seven hours 47? Or did you have other candidates? Did you go through a whole process of deciding? Yeah, great question on me. I mean, yes, no, I was certainly, you know, sifting through some other kind of obscure culinary treats from yesterday. I was thinking, you know, I was thinking of maybe suggesting an egg in Aspec. Oh. That might have been good to pop in the podcast or half a grapefruit with a cherry in the middle.

Yes. So it was sort of like the food of the seven, like a prawn cocktail type thing. Yeah, or an avocado vinaigaretti as the waitress would sometimes offer, you know. Oh, goodness me. So this really was a journey for you to. I didn't mean to give myself the easier job. I just sat there hoping that you'd speak. And it kept me awake, of course.

I was wondering when you would. Hanging on my every syllable, I imagine, to me. Oh, it's quite gripping if you're waiting for me to say something. Let me tell you. I think this is a service you should offer. I think, because I know you're available on, you know, cameo and to do a shout-out. I think people should get you for a 10-hour Zoom, which it's really a form of meditation, right? I'm happy to do that.

I'm happy to do it, actually. It's a great idea. I might add that to my cameo profile, like the optional 10-hour Zoom call where I say nothing. You have to raw dog your way through just sitting with me for 10 hours. 10 hours straight of Hansen. And then you just know. I'd charge about the, I reckon I'd charge about the same as a flight because it's similar to a flight. An international flight.

Yeah, that's about right. You could pay me on points. And you say you're there on a Zoom with Hansen and you just know that at some point. And I haven't had this experience, I recommend it really. At some point he's going to say something random. But it just. All use. It helped me with my mindfulness because it blotted out the outside world.

It was only you, Andrew, as a sort of sense, in a way, as a guru, waiting to hear what you had to say, waiting on, hanging on the words of the Great Hanson. Well, this is how I seem as of, I mean, look, I think this can really take off as an online phenomenon. Yeah. It does feel very much like a mindfulness or wellness piece of hocus pocus that I could sell for thousands, tens of thousands per session. I'm envisaging a giant, I don't.

And I maybe call it an ashram, call it a camp, call it a retreat, where thousands of people are sitting in lotus position, watching you on a giant screen, waiting to see what you'll say for 10 hours. I think I would be there in the field watching. It's going to my head. I mean, you're turning me into a cult leader. You're turning me into the family or the Jones Town. The Maharishi. Let's make it more Beatlesy. Yeah, yeah.

Look, I'd be a pretty good. help leader, I think. You would. Because I've, you know, I've got that sort of oddness. I think I've got that you're quirky. You're about me where most people look at me and think, I'm not, I don't trust him. And yet about five people throw themselves at my feet. They do.

I remember this. From our touring days, there were some people who only wanted to meet Hanson at the end of every live show we did around this wonderful country of ours. There was a hard call. And there were a lot of fans of Craig, let's be on it, but they weren't discerning. It was the Hansen fans

who were the most eager and they might not have had as many as the Craig fans but who can compare with the Craig fans really but the passion that they had I think far out shown anyone else Well this is the thing about being the you know being the interesting one Domney or the or indeed the good one in the group is you know you need somebody with taste I mean Craig of course Craig's kind of like well I see you're sitting a bottle of coke right there

Yeah yeah I mean yeah Craig's the just the bog standard plastic Coca-Cola bottle Oh he wouldn't like that It would have to be in some sort of recyclable, recycled container. I'm the cognac. You are, you're the cognac, you're the aged whiskey, the refined, for an educated palate. Yeah, yeah, no, I do, yeah, or the Chateau Nuffe de Papp. What are you, Domit? Which beverage do you feel you are in this ensemble?

I don't, I'm not sure that I even, like, I don't have, like, a spot on the shelf, maybe off to the side somewhere. Or are you a surprising one that people... I feel you're a surprising one that people realise they like only after they try it like a cremonde. Perhaps you're the cremdermont or a vermouth. Possibly, possibly.

Or perhaps something strange. Perhaps... Yeah, like a kalua or something where you're just kind of going, what's in that bottle? And it's sort of alcoholic milk. Anybody ever had that? I like that. I am quite milk toast, but with a kick, hopefully.

Yeah, that's good. Well, very nice. Nice. Well, look, this is all, I feel we've started a movement here. I feel this isn't the end of this story. I feel that, I don't know, somehow you're going to be unleashed on the world as the leader of a tribe of devoted raw doggers. Just you wait for my raw dogging offer. Look, dude, keep an eye on my cameo. If they offer the 10-hour video option or the 10-hour Zoom option, I don't know if the app does offer that. No, you might have to book it through it. I'll ever look. You might have to do it separately. I'll announce it anyway, once it's a up and running. And yeah, if you like, you can pay me a huge amount of cash and I'll sit there on a Zoom call with you for 10 hours and say only one thing. I really want someone. Someone's got to do this. I think it's... If you've tried everything. If you tried every

known therapy, you've tried, I don't know, retreats and meditation and yoga and Pilates. You haven't tried... Even actual therapy. Even if you've tried actual therapy. Yes. Psychotherapy. You haven't tried the Hansen 10-hour raw dog therapy. I think you should do this at the comedy festival. By the way. I think you should... Well, I feel it's a bit more serious, that, dummy. I feel I should probably find a wellness festival to do that. But I'm just imagining. There's a mind and body festival, isn't there?

At the end of the comedy festival, particularly with the comics. They're all debaught and exhausted and drunk. And the day after, you could have, in the Melbourne town hall, get everyone in there at nine o'clock sharp through till 7 p.m. 10 hours. And say only one thing each. Say only one thing on the stage. They'd be paying the most amount of money for the fewest amounts of words. I think that would be a good thing, I think.

I mean, you know, because everybody's, do you do a lot of speaking in a stand-up show I've noticed. Because you expect to stand there and do nothing but speak. The entire show. I know, it's boring. There's a lot of talking. So there could be something in that. All right. Well, it's a vision.

It's a vision we've had. Andrew, thank you for your leadership and the spiritual healing you've offered this messed up world. Well, I feel I should respond with silence. Gehry is from Road. We're part of the iconic class network. And look, if you're having a rough day, go back and listen to the 10-hour roadog podcast. It's apparently therapeutic. Chicken Villavore.