The Chaser Report - Why Don't Bald Politicians Get Elected? | Chris Taylor

Episode Date: July 7, 2024

Australia's politicians enjoyed an evening of formality and humour at the annual Midwinter Ball, which has Dom and Chris investigate the hesitancy Australian (and global!) voters have toward electing bald politicians. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, I'm welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom. And once again, we're joined by Chris Taylor. Charles is off gallivanting somewhere or other. And as much as I love Charles. No, it's lovely to be here. And I was sort of half tempted to try and pretend to be Charles.

Yeah. No one can do that voice. No one can do that voice. And, I mean, you could come up with outlandish theories expressed with total confidence. Oh, yeah. And then change your mind midway through them. You can feel free to if you want. Have an incredibly confident US election prediction.

Yeah. Which you'll deny he ever made. He's already called the next election for Dutton. Oh, has he? And then he uncalled it when Dutton announced the nuclear power player. Charles has to get the credit for on Channel 10. I don't know how Channel 10 hired Charles for the last election in 2016, but they did. And he called Trump before anyone else in the country.

Did he? Yeah. I mean, I assume. Who is the Nate Silver of Australia? Well, he said that Nate Silver had data rather than gut feeling and over Overconfidence. Speaking of Dutton, I've just caught up over the weekend with all the photographs from the, is it, the Midwinter Ball? Midwinter Ball, yes.

And I've got to say, a lot of our pollies scrub up very well. Don't they? There are some ones like genuinely, who's that? Oh my God, they look so much better than they do when they're on the House of Parliament. And I'm sure, I don't mean that in a judgmental, just saying they scrub up very nicely. I don't actually think they should have suit, shouldn't they wear tails on the floor of Parliament? We already think throughout a touch and in a Canber bubble. I think if they wore white tie or tails or whatever it is to the floor of parliament.

Because they're all incredibly sexy and you don't realize that. Because I don't know if it's the light in the chamber or just what they wear. Or Photoshop. Yeah. But no, it turns out we've got a whole, we've got a glamorous set of politicians. With one exception, going through the photos, it'll become as no surprise, perhaps, Tommy. I was going, wow, yeah, they look great, they look great, they look great. Oh my God, he looks as bad as he always does.

he was the one person that still there's just some pigs you can't put lipstick I haven't seen the photos I'm going to just choose three words ill-fitting tucks see that's the thing I think the tucks fit quite well it's just he doesn't have present he doesn't sort of wear clothes with confidence he's got the he's got the glasses he does have the glasses that's been a recent edition are we buying the glasses or do we feel adding intelligence to his demeanour softening the sort of the ball head Everybody go and search for the photos of Dutton at the midwinter ballroom. They're not bad.

Let me just say they're not bad. I was just so impressed with everyone else. Just by contrast. Go ahead and look at the photos while we do this. Yeah, I mean, look, I guess this is the thing, Chris. If we do elect Peter Dutton at the next election, which is far more likely than it seemed earlier in his tenure, you'll have to, you know, pour one out,

give respect to the lack of superficiality of Australian voters because generally speaking, the balder candidate, and I say this as a very bald person, I've noticed this. People have done studies on this. The balder person generally loses. Has there ever been a bald prime minister? I can't think of one in Australia.

Not in our recent history. No, certainly. I mean, they're probably back before the 24-hour news media. But no. Maybe. On behalf of the bald community, it would be a moment of progress, were he to be elected? So you've got me thinking. Has there ever been a bald president or a bald UK?

There have been bald presidents, but they were before the 24-hour news media. Before the age of mass media and photographers. And this is why Donald Trump goes to such lengths to... Work on whatever that is. Yeah, right. So I think if Dutton does win, it will be... I mean, admittedly, yet another white man, but one with his hair...

Oh, no, he's a minority in that one sense. Good, Dutton sort of... I mean, I feel bad, you know, dwelling on this facet of Dutton, given there's so many more things you could critique about him. But he's not sort of bald in the George Costanza way. He's like alopecia ball. He's alopecia boy. I think he actually has got Elipatia.

Oh, so we've just on the Chris Rock. Yes. Sorry, but no, yes, Chris Rock did the G.I.J. joke. If I was Will Smith, I'd punch you at this point. But, I mean, this is, Tanier Plibersek said that he looked like Voldemort, which is a joke that someone in the chase. I thought that was quite good. But she got absolutely cane for that.

He jumped on, yeah, with Carl Stephanovic and said, look, I've had alopecia. I don't, you know, think that's. And she had to apologize. Oh, so we're going to have to apologize. now. And I think... The last five minutes, I've just been a poorly...

You weren't talking about the lack of hair. No. You're talking about the sort of general look. But also, I just want to know maybe J.K. Rowley has done a disservice to Voldemort. We don't at all know that he wasn't an alopecia sufferer who would ordinarily have had a lovely look head of hair, but for a very unfortunate condition.

That can't be helped. Then again, she doesn't mind picking on people who've got, you know, who are in the minority these days, I suppose, JK. It'd be genuinely interesting to know if there is studies about, you know, voter intention in relation to something as basic as whether a candidate has hair or not. Because, I mean, when I see bald people, it doesn't even register. Like, it's, you know, I just think half of men are bald or baldine or something.

It's just not an unusual unique characteristic. But, no, look, there are a lot of, there are a lot of factors. There are a lot of studies that say, I mean, I certainly remember reading them back in, Time magazine had an article back in 2007 saying that people don't elect bald people. It's a known thing that they don't do bald. We don't elect bald women, I've noticed. Yeah, that's true. It says, you know, wouldn't it be interesting if it all came out that, you know,

Thatcher, Gillard, Theresa May, they all had to wear wigs because they read the data about the electability of bald and women. 1957 was the last time Americans elected a bald president, Dwighter Eisenhower over Adlai Stevenson. They were both bald, though, in that one. So there's no choice. Oh, they didn't have an option. Was it a low turnout?

So, that's right. Two people voted. John F. Kennedy, one of the reasons why he managed to do it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look at Bill Clinton, amazing head of hair. I was reading about the Kennedys this week. The new books come out that I saw reviewed, I think it was in The Guardian. You would be surprised here I read The Guardian, Domit.

I'm surprised it wasn't the Atlantic. They've done a deep dive into the history of Camelot and the Kennedy dynasty's appalling treatment of, appalling treatment of women and asking the very legitimate question why hasn't there been a reckoning like are they so untouchable are they so powerful because even you know

the one that's currently running is the third option he's had a whole bunch of allegations scandal this week yeah he's been accused of terrible things back in his youth and apparently he's accused in this book of seriously gaslighting his wife his ex-wife

and making it feel that she was mad when he was actually just all the time having affairs and yeah like he's you know the word gaslight was almost invented for him but then you know going back to chapiquity oh shappaquit rfk junior hasn't done anything quite as bad as chapiquity which was forgotten how horrendous it is

and again the book makes the point that the kennedys have done such a good job to rewrite history to sort of say oh it was a tragedy nothing he could have done and jfk apparently she was um to the water in the car after the car accident with kennedy at the wheel this former senator ted kennedy one of the great Most beloved figures in the Democratic Party for many years. The line of the Senate.

You know, pro-health care, all the sort of stuff. He had a car accident where the car drove into the river, very much like Kendall Roy in succession. Which was directly, I think, a reference to it. It must have been. And I didn't pick that up at the time, but rereading about Chavaquittic, it's clearly a registered. He's got a young woman in the car

who he chose to leave in the car while he made his escape. The autopsy is just sobering reading. The autopsy said She didn't die from drowning She died from suffocation She was alive for an hour In the car Where all the windows were done up

So she'd eventually just ran out of air She didn't drown And he would have had an hour To raise the alarm Yeah Even if he didn't rescue her himself It just snuck off He was thinking about being a president

He was thinking of his country He was Chris he's thinking of it Anyway I don't know how we got on to that So RFK RFK Jr though He also came out in the past week I don't know whether you saw

He's had quite a fascinating campaign this man, who may yet cost Biden the presidency. Well, apparently he's polling okay. And if he's going to attract votes from anyone, probably is Biden. What? Unless you like Maddies. Because he's an anti-vaxxer. He's got that, he's going to get the

anti-vaxxers away from Trump. But with his Democrat blood, from his family, he's going to pull some Biden vote. This is not a common thing for candidates to come out, but he's clarified that in the photo that's been on earth, I don't know that you've seen it of him, grinning next to a barbecue dead dog. He's denied

eating the barbecued dead dog but people think he must have. There's a real theme when I come on to this podcast because last time we sat down we were talking about David Cameron being very close to a dead pig too close in fact with some of his parts and so what's the allegation with Kennedy that he... It's very complicated so there's a

photo. First of all why was there a barbecue dog? Let's just walk through this step by step. Who barbecued a dog? He's now saying it was a goat not a dog. This is what he's saying. But everyone else says it's a dog? People are saying it's a dog. It's certainly a barbecue corpse of some point. He looks very, very happy next to it. He's got a, he's got a collar on that says

Lassie. How many goats do you know? And, um, it's in Patagonia. It was all very complicated. It's a guinea pig sort of country, isn't it? But the thing is, this is the same year, apparently, where he got the brainworm. So the theory is that he ate the dog, got the brain and people have linked the brain worm that ate part of his brain, and that's not in dispute, to being an antivaxor. So the, basically the worm ate the smart part of his brain. I'm not sure. He has said in clarifying this week He was on with Cuomo on News Nation One of the Cuomo's got in trouble's got a job

On a Fringe network That he'll leave anything That's what he says, he leads anything So he did He also had this extraordinary quote When all these sexual harassment allegations Were thrown at him I think they were stronger than just harassment

I think in some cases There was assault allegations He goes, well I'm not a church boy Like there was no sort of denial It was just oh no boys It'll be boys I wasn't a church boy So USA Today's quote, their headline is RFK does not deny sexual assault allegations, rejects reports he wants eight dog meat. So it's basically like, you got me on the first one, but it wasn't a dog, it was a goat.

He said it was part of his rambunctious youth, is what he said. I love that. So he's, of the two ones that he wants to deny, he's happy to own up to the sexual assault and misdemeanors. But he draws the line pleading guilty to ever eating a barbecue dog. Yeah, he says, this is a great quote, just, just envision. this one. As you say, I've said from the beginning, I'm not a church boy, but he went on to say, I have so many skeletons in my closet that if they could all vote, I could run for king of the world. I'm not an elected position, I don't think. It's taken having skeletons

in the closet. And to his credit, turn that into a posit. Yeah. As if that makes me popular. I don't, I don't think the person who made the sexual assault allegations likely to vote for him, if I'm honest. Isn't it, I mean, you know, you despair. It's sort of a, when you look at the media and the way they cover elections these days, particularly in America, but everywhere, you've got still this ongoing obsession about Biden's performance in the debate. Like, that's still the topping most plunditry. No, it's not going away.

Will Joe stay in the race? Will he go out? I mean, we are recording this a little earlier. So by the time that you hear this, he may have dropped out. That's true. I've got an audio clip to play in a second, which helps make the case, frankly, for him leaving. Yeah, but as we record this, he's still in.

Yeah. The point I sort of making, though, is there's a fixation on, not an unreasonable fixation, but an absolute disproportionate fixation on debate performance. Then when they look at the other candidate in Kennedy, they're looking at whether he ate a dog or not. Yeah. And then the question. Trump, meanwhile, is, you know, bending the Supreme Court to give himself lifelong immunity. He did a debate performance too.

Full of lie after lie after lie. No one's critiquing the fitness of a liar to be present. No, no critiquing the fitness of an old guy to be. president. The media in America is mostly liberal, and yet it's amazing how little they hold him to account. The only time I've ever seen him hold him to account is that sort of, when he was denying the election

results on January 6th, that sort of period where Jack Tapper would actually, Jake Tapper would ask the director of CNN to pull away from the press conferences. We will not put falsehoods to air. You would not put Trump to air any day the week. Why do they only do it that day? A lot of falsehood on the network on the debate day, which is on CNN

moderated by Jack Tapper. And not fact-checked live. Now, Chris Lark. Oh, so I did sound like Chowler. It was a stuttering. Chris, I have a fact check for you actually now, after this. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. You said that Joe Biden was an old guy.

He's pretty old. That's not, that may not be true. Oh. Due to something that Joe Biden said in interview last week. And again, this is when he was still running. He was on radio. He's been going out trying to do damage control and trying to say that he's still fit for office. He's claim that he had jet lag in the debate.

He was very tired. back from NATO or whatever it was with the G7. He's claimed all kinds of things. He apparently the following day gave quite a good speech where he was certainly relatively with it. This is Joe Biden trying to clarify that he's actually still got it. By the way, I'm proud to be, as I said, the first vice president, first black woman served with a black president.

I'm proud of the first black woman in the Supreme Court. There's just so much that we can do because together we, there's nothing. Look, this is you. United States America. There you go. He's a black woman. Did he, was that a misspeak? Or did he actually say, I was the first black woman?

First black woman. Is this something he hasn't told us? I think it could be a plus. It could be a plus. He's gone from being not left wing enough to being so left wing. He's transitions, not just his gender, but his race. People have said, I mean, people have said that Michelle Obama is the one woman who could come out and win this thing.

I don't think she's black or female enough, compared to Joe. No, competitive a joke. And she's ruled out one. by Steve Bannon, who's, I think, just about's big in his prison sentence. He said the one person I reckon could beat Trump if she came out was Michelle Obama. He has no interest in running, which, again, is very relatable and impressive. Yes. But yeah, that's Joe's brain against, spewing forth random phrases.

I will give him credit, though, for at the end of the quote, they're saying that he's in the United States of America. Because honestly, you could have believed anything. You remember, like, back in the day, early, must have been early chase the newspaper, and chase the TV shows. We got a lot of mileage out of George W. Bush's gaffs. You know, that Asked Me Once, Shame on You. They were daily.

Bushism. All of that. People released books of them. Lots of Bushism. I mean, at least, I mean, he was in the ballpark of lucidity. But that quote by Biden, I'm a black woman. I mean, this is, oh, God. It's not the best.

I also heard him see, I think you mentioned it, that, you know, they keep coming up with new excuses for his debate performance. The first one was he had a cold, then that he was jet-lagged and hadn't slept. He goes, I think it was one point at the debate, I almost fell asleep. That's right. And he said that as if, oh, that makes it all fine there. Like, yeah. You're on national television fighting to win the presidency,

and it was, it was grandpa nap time. I mean, it would have been fine if he spun it as, you know, Trump was so long wind and tedious and repetitive that he made me fall as it. It wasn't. It was just, no, I was so tired, I almost fell asleep. And I go, not a good election pitch. You know, next. time there's a crisis and you've got to go into the situation room, you're potentially having

a little nap. No, look, it's not good. How you choose between, not even Joe Biden, but a dramatically reduced version of Joe Biden. Imagine this in three or four years versus Donald Trump, his relationship with the truth is, he treats the truth like a wife, really. This is the greatest democracy in the world where the two people running for the top job, a convicted felon and basically a dementia patient or someone seriously incapacitated. Well, I must say, this again, people might look more favourably at Peter Dutton,

who is far more qualified to. Whoever we don't elect, we could potentially give them. I was very mean to Peter Dutton at the start of this podcast. I will go on the record and say, and if Peter Dutton was to throw his hat in the ring, and I advise him to wear a hat, if he was to throw a hat in the ring for the US presidency. I think he'd be the most attractive candidate.

He'd be the most attractive candidate. He's got my vote. And, you know, speaking of uniforms and outfits, and he was talking about, to go back to the Australian election, I think the thing Peter doesn't need to do, if he wants to beat Alba, which he may do anyway. He doesn't look comfortable in a tux, as you say. No, he's looking at.

Get back in the Queensland cop outfit. People are going to vote for that. In 2024, that is the person. A literal cop on the beach, Chris. I think that could work very, very well. Dom, it's been a pleasure as always. Thanks for being here. Our gear is from Road with part of the Iconiclass Network.

We'll catch you next time.