The Chaser Report - Will Albo Call An Early Election?

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

Charles is back (I don't know what's going on either) and he and Dom unpack the expulsion of Fatima Payman from the ALP. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Charles, you seem to be back after the most dramatic announcement at the end of last week, or I think it was Monday's episode, that you were going off for months on end. Yes. Is this another one of your bold plans that didn't work out, or are you worried? Are you worried that Andrew was so good on yesterday's podcast?

that you were worried he might have taken you a spot. Well, he did do a lot of research, didn't he? He did. But so I'm mainly back here. Look, I'm back here to do a proper podcast episode, but before we do, can I just ask, who was better, me or Andrew? If you had to be honest. If I had to be honest.

Well, I mean, it depends what the criteria are, Charles. If it comes to actually having enough time in your schedule to reliably record a daily podcast, You, my friend, are miles ahead. Andrew did one day, and he then texted today saying, I'm really sorry I couldn't possibly do today. Chris texted today and said, I'm really sorry, I've got stuff for the next three days. I can't do it.

So if people are wondering why it's just us on this podcast, Charles, either it's because we manage our time very well. Yes, yes. Or it's because we have very little going on in our lives. Which are the two, whichever of the two things it is. Why not both? Why not both? But, you know, like Andrew joins a 900 episode.

Yes. And then Flakes after one episode. Yeah. I mean, I mean, it was a good episode. Yeah, it was a good episode. He's kept his average high. All the stuff about the doddery other politicians.

A lot of discussion of former Russian leaders. Soviet leaders. Do you ever, do you remember the cricketer Sean Tate? Yes. Vaguely. He was a very, very fast bowler for New South Wales. And he, he, I think he was in one test for Australia. He was very talented, extremely fast.

bowler. His body kept on breaking, right? And he had one test. And then he retired from long form cricket which was defined not just as test, but it was also one day internationals, i.e. 50 overs. To concentrate entirely on 20 overs

because bowling more than four overs was too much for his poor body. Well, I'm all for that. I think getting Andrew back one episode occasionally, we need some research. He's the Sean Tate of podcast. He was very good.

I mean, just to polish, Charles. The professionals are better. Better than me? Well, it depends. I don't want to judge. It's, you know, but if you like random pauses and you like unjustified flights of fancy and big theories, and I'm sure some people do. Yes.

Then there's a very good case for you. That's why they tune in. I'm going to think about that while we're taking our break. Yes. Look, Charles, it's like a romance, really. If you can't get the person you want on the podcast, love the one you're with. That's what I say. Like the song.

So this is like a marriage. It's getting a bit that way. 900 episodes. It's a bit longer than a marriage. Now, but let's actually get into some fanciful flights of fancy. I'd like that because, frankly, it's getting a little awkward and I'm missing Andrews so much. So if you could distract me with some news. And there is big news today, Charles.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, before we get into the big news, I was just going to say to you, Dom, I was thinking the other day, isn't genocide bad? You know, isn't genocide? Like, do you think genocides? Kind of bad. Don't you think? Hang on, wait a second.

Yeah. Charles. Hmm. We've not had a meeting. We haven't reviewed our position on genocide. We have not, um, caucused. What? It's in our platform.

It's in our platform. I'm pretty sure we wrote it down somewhere when we started the chase of that we were against genocide. You know, as well as I do, that you can't take a stance on something like, that without consultation and a thorough process. Charles, when you join this podcast, you undertook not to take stances on things like this. This would be more comically justifiable if you weren't famous for just taking massive bold stances and everything all the time with no basis. But anyway, let's keep it going. Charles, I'm outraged. You've come out on genocide. I have no position because we haven't had a meeting about it yet. I'm going to have

to expel you from the podcast. I'm sorry, Andrew, come back, Andrew. All is forgiven. But I am absolutely certain when I joined this podcast that we're all vibing on the whole anti-genocide thing. Like that was one of the reasons why I was hanging out with you was because I thought we all agreed that genocide was, but I'm pretty sure we wrote it

down somewhere. I'm pretty sure. You're going to have to rethink your position, Charles. You're going to rethink your position. I don't, no, I'm going to suspend you indefinitely. What can I say? What can I say? Well, you can say that you're in favour of gay marriage because for many, many years, you wouldn't

have been able to endorse gay marriage. Yeah. But now that the caucus has belatedly got together on that one. And we're in favour of that now. The other reason I joined the podcast was because I thought we were against gay marriage. For years we were against gay marriage. There's nothing like an analogy with a news event. Yeah.

Look, this is interesting, Charles. Look, you've got very many members of your family who've been in the ALP. You've been in the ALP. It's a bit of a straight jacket, isn't it? But also, Charles, to be fair to. Anthony Albanese it's about a Palestinian state rather than genocide

and I believe Labor does actually in its platform endorse a two-state solution No, we did. We wrote that down in our, when we set up the chaser two-state solution. I love the idea of the chaser having a worked-out policy on any world event. All right. But look, Charles,

you can come back for now because Andrew's not available. But the moment Andrew is available, you're out of here. But we're going to talk about news now. Yeah. I think We can park the extended analogy. Yeah, okay, right. Because Peter Dutton has come out. He's done some reading at the tea leaves,

and he believes that there's an early election on. He's called it, according to the Herald. He's warned coalition colleagues that the fact that Albo has pulled out of going to NATO in Washington next week means that an early election is coming on. Labor is trying to sell its domestic agenda, and Albo doesn't want to seem like he's not focusing on cost of living. It's election o'clock, Charles. And you know why I reckon Petter Dutton knows this?

And he's probably best placed in the country to know. Which is that he has probably read his own internal polling data and realized he has fucked up so fucking royally with the nuclear stuff that if Albo called an election tomorrow, Albo would definitely win the election because Dutton has got himself into a total pickle, right? And so Dutton is playing the mind games of somebody who thinks he's playing. playing four-dimensional chess, but he's actually playing one-dimensional checkers. So you think it's a double bluff. You think he's come out and told his MPs not to go to an early, he's warned his MPs about in an early election to stop Albo from going to an early election. Yeah, yeah, that's what he's doing.

He's sort of, like, because now it's Dutton's idea, right? But the whole thing is what Dutton desperately doesn't want is to go to an early election because I haven't seen any internal polling, but I can guarantee you that Dutton is not going to go up at the next poll. Like, there is so much wrong with the nuclear policy that it makes absolute sense to have a September election. And the thing is that what, like, there's a whole lot of things playing in that favour. But isn't the point. The other problem is the interest rates.

What will happen with the interest rates? Like, I reckon Albao is going to look at the inflation rate and that is going to be whether. But he's not going to call it now. He's going to call it like in spring. be like early September if he goes through an early election. Yeah, no, that's what they're saying. They're saying look out for the election in September. Yeah, and so Dutton's come out and said that to let Albo know that he'll be all prepared

so that he doesn't do it because the only thing Dutton can do now is play for time because he's come out with such a bad policy that he's going to take six or nine months to actually work his way back up. I think there's a flaw in your analysis, Charles. if I may be slightly critical. Were you critical with Andrew when he had analysis? No, I was very admiring. Well, it's very hypocritical.

Because he'd done his research. But look, here's the thing. You're saying that Dutton's policy stinks that no one's going to want the nuclear policy that it's dead in the water. The problem you have with that analysis is that the alternative is Albo. And as far as I can, it seems though Albo

suddenly quite on the nose with everybody. He's his own nuclear policy. This is the thing. Yes, they might not like Dutton much. And this is the thing. The one thing that... Albo is the personification of a nuclear reactor in every electorate policy. Well, I've got nuclear on the one side.

Or maybe Albo is like a sort of a renewable. He's like a bit of a drippy thing that... You know, he kind of thought I had hopes. Yeah, he's the fucking wind farm that kills the birds. He's the solar panel that doesn't quite work properly. That doesn't generate money. power as you wanted. Yeah, it doesn't have any power.

And the battery that doesn't work properly and just a little bit shit. Yes. So I don't know which you choose. But also, Charles, the one thing that you don't do in the world right now is have an election unless they're making you. Because look at Emmanuel Macron. Called one in France to try and flush out Le Pen, the far right leader of them, Marine Le Pen, who massively won the first round of voting.

And her party is likely to be the biggest party in the Assemblae after the election. So that backfired. Joe Biden desperately doesn't want any sort of a vote. not the presidential election, certainly not any sort of internal poll on whether he should be president. Albo needs to hang for time. If Albo can launch a coup and avoids the next election for many years, I think he'd take it. Right. So is he the sort of, is he going to run an election and then lose?

Is he going to do a Macron? Like, what's the, what's the analogy here? I'm just not quite understanding. I don't think anyone wants an election. I don't think Dutton wants an election. Yeah. I don't think Albanese wants an election. And if there's one thing that Alvo delisional.

is things that people don't really want. And so there's going to be an election. That is clearly the case. Yeah, have we just talked ourselves into a knot? Thank goodness you're back, Charles, to provide clarity. The Chaser Report, less news, more often. What is the worst idea? The worst idea is to go straight to an early election.

Besides the nuclear one. Okay. Well, the worst idea, I'll tell you what the worst idea is. To, in the middle of a housing crisis, not do anything about housing. Yes. And not do it. Not because you don't believe in doing something about housing, because it's in your party platform.

It's in their party platform. I think we've established in this podcast already that they don't read their party platform. But it's because they believe in the states doing housing. Because somewhere it's written in Albo's rule book, that for good governance sake, the states should handle housing, right? So my understanding internally is that one of the reasons they're gridlocked is because, and this comes from like fairly senior parts of the bureaucracy, is part of the problem is that they just don't want it. They're just going, well, you know, we could solve, you know, I think Adam Band had a thing the other day, which was like, you know, we could solve a trillion dollars if we got rid of negative gearing. You know, like it's sort of like we'd take a trillion dollars.

It was like Dr. Evil. But I think the thing is that because they don't want to solve housing, they want to leave it to the states. And essentially, we're talking about two states, aren't we? It's Victoria in New South Wales. So in some ways, what Albo is arguing for is a two-state solution on housing. I see what you did there. Very hypocritical. He said he should be suspended from the Labor Party for proposing a two-state solution to housing.

Very nicely done. Well, Charles, you say that. say that, and I like your logic. But you've got to remember Albo's personal journey. Albo grew up. He didn't grow up in a state government flat. He didn't grow up in a federal government flat. He grew up in a council flat.

So in Albo's world, the Prime Minister doesn't have to do a damn thing about housing. It's the local council. It's the local council. He's supposed to talk about. He's gone to the level with ironically the most power and yet the furthest distance around him to actually house people. Mayor Albo.

Yeah, he doesn't want to have to do it. So if If you were Albo, Charles, and you're trying to win the next election, would you not come out? By the way, I didn't actually know that Albo grew up in government housing. I'd never heard that one before, by the way. You think you should have perhaps mentioned it at some point? Yeah, he should mention it more often. Trying to make himself likable. Every time he says that, Charles, every time that comes up, it's just a reminder that we don't have that system anymore.

That today's Alboes don't get to grow up in subsidised housing. Yes, yeah. Particularly not in, like in Campedown. He grew up in the inner city of Sydney. in a council flat, very near Sydney uni. That same flat now is probably sold to, I don't know, some boomer investor for $4 million, two-bedroom little flat. Yes, and it is almost certainly being negative gear.

Yes, and it's almost certainly hasn't been renovated since he lived in it. So, I don't know, if you were Albo, would you not, and you want to win the next election, wouldn't you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, he doesn't want to win the next election. No, this is, this is the mistake. And actually, if you realize that, everything he's done for the last two and a half years suddenly makes incredible sense. Housing crisis.

Oh, I'm not going to do anything about that. That's because he doesn't want to be elected. Right. Be anti-genocide. Nah, not going to do that because I don't want to be elected. You know, like, all the things, like, just thinking anything, oh, fix the environment. Nah, let's just kill a few more penguins. Because he doesn't want to be elected.

Well, Charles, you say that. He's been very decisive about one thing. Oh, what? Fat of a payment is toast. She's not getting anywhere near the caucus group anytime soon. But you know what, Charles? We'll know when he wants to call the election. You know what he's actually going to do if you're Albo.

I was going to suggest, you know, he could spend many billions of dollars on something called Housing Australia and actually come up with a policy that would actually do something. But no, that's clearly not going to happen. No, no, no. What he's going to do, Charles, the one card he has to play, he's going to get married. Because Albo enjoyed a very long honeymoon with voters. Yes. For a very long time.

Yes. He's going to get married probably at the lodge. invite all, not Fatima Payment, but invite lots of other people will get to come and there'll be a little glow to be, he'll sell it to Women's Day, he'll, you know, go on Colin Jackie O and try and have one more brief burst

of enthusiasm. Yes. One more honeymoon period. But the thing is, when he gets married, that's when you know the election's coming the same day. But I can tell you, I just, I just know this. I've worked in TV enough to know that as soon as two central characters then get hooked together,

there's no tension anymore. and your ratings plummet. So the moment he gets married, there's no possibility of, you know, further romance or whatever. It's over. It's over. And that proves me,

which is he's going to get married and not be elected. He doesn't want to be elected. And then lose the election. All right. And then lose the election. Charles, I think,

no, I do like your honeymoon idea. But don't you think that'll last about, I mean, that's what I'm saying. It'll last a week at best. Yeah, it'll last a week. And then we'll end up with fucking Peter Dutton.

Our Gears from Road, we're part of the iconocles. We'll catch you tomorrow. I don't know who's going to be doing the podcast tomorrow, but something will happen in the feed. See you then.