The Chaser Report - Will This New Apple Product Find Dezi Freeman?

Episode Date: September 14, 2025

Dom and Charles bring the most comprehensive review of the iPhone 17 Max, the new Apple Watch, and the iPhone so thin you'll forget that Tim Cook absolutely sold out to Donald Trump! Plus, Charles has a theory on one way the new Apple Watch could track Dezi Freeman.---The Chaser Report: EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/chaserreport Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee 🌍 Buy the Wankernomics book: https://wankernomics.com/bookListen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Do you remember the moment a very long time ago when Steve Jobs took to the stage and teased the audience by saying we've got a new phone and a widescreen iPod and an portable internet communications device? Oh, yes. Three different devices and then it was like, he kept flicking between them and it's like, and it's all one thing. thing, it's the iPhone that you all knew was going to be announced this morning. Well, Charles, forget that.

That's no longer the greatest moment in Apple history. Oh, wow. Because just a few hours ago, as we record this, Apple managed to make the exact same iPhone we've had for years that's barely changed at all. But, slightly thinner. It's the iPhone air we've always dreamed of. Have you ever looked at your phone, Charles, and thought, I like this. It's just a bit sick. Yes, all the time, every day.

Because the problem with me is I tend to look at my phone from its side. That's right. I always go, ah, fuck, this is thick. That's the angle that you're looking at it from. That's right. And you just want a few fewer. And what if I told you, you could have a thinner phone that then had fewer cameras. Fewer features.

Fewer features? Yes. And worse battery life. Worth battery. Would you go and buy one immediately? I probably will. So I'll talk about the new iPhone. iPhones, this is the iPhone 17 and iPhone 17 Pro as well.

A little summary of those, but I mean, there's also the Apple Watch. Now, I know, Charles, you've considered giving up the Apple Watch. Oh, I'm definitely. You're planning on getting out of the car. I just definitely want to get rid of my watch, yes. What I've done with my Apple Watch is I've turned off every single thing on the watch. Other than the watch. Other than the time, right.

And even then, it sort of shits me to tears because occasionally Siri will just activate it somehow and go, I don't know what you're talking about. And then... Oh, there we go. It's just done on it. Show it to the cameras. Yeah, we're recording this thing. Somehow and got...

Yeah, see, look, it's so fucking shit. It's just a piece of fucking shit. Ask Siri why she's so shit. It's on Do Not Disturb. Like, why would you... It's just so shit. It's the biggest piece of shit ever. And anyway, let's say what you make of the new Apple watch in a few moments.

And we'll talk about the phones. Okay, so the new Apple Watch, Charles, I mean, we're talking amazing features, the stuff that's never been done before in a smart watch. Wow. Groundbreaking. So, like, time? This is the Apple Watch 11, the Apple Watch SE3 and the Apple Watch S.E.3 and the Apple Watch Ultra 3.

Okay, what did the break going to mean? Look, can we just be honest, but it's never been the forte of the Apple Watch show the time. It's never been the thing it did as well. Oh, yeah, you've got to press button. Yeah, I mean, for the traditional watches, you just look at them and you know what the time is, No, no. Do you remember those days?

Yeah, yeah. Yes. So, look, they've made them, I don't know, thinner. They've managed to get the display going up to slightly more of the screen. And I know that's the thing you've always wanted. But, Charles, the big pitch, to be really blunt about it, what they've realized is the way to justify the Apple Watch to people is by saying it will save your life. So they introduced the whole segment with a montage of all these movie clips of like basically

fat asses who were told, oh, you've got, you know, you've got atrial fibrillation or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have improved one feature on that, supposedly, which is that it can now tell if you have hypertension. So if you have high blood pressure. I don't know how it knows that, but apparently has this new feature to tell if you have high blood pressure.

So in your case, you're so pissed off at your Apple Watch. Yes, you have high attention. But my theory, and look, I don't know how this has been validated. The FDA hasn't approved it yet. My theory is it just checks which country you're in. And if you're in Australia or America, it just goes, you have hypertension. Yes, yes. I imagine that's how it.

It just checks the news. Yeah. And sees what Trump has done that day and goes, yeah, you probably have hypertension. Yeah, you get a little Apple news update on Ukraine. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right. So that's one thing that they've added. But they've also added a new thing called sleep score, which means it's another thing

that we don't get enough. Oh, you can see, they've gamified sleep. Yes. At last, because the thing that's always been lacking is, is, you know, just sleep being, essentially a non-capitalist activity, isn't it? Yeah, it's not a competitive sport that you don't have to compete against anyone. You don't need metrics usually. Yeah, you just go, you either go, I've had a good sleep or I've had a bad sleep.

And you know, don't you? This is the great thing we're talking about the other day in actually a fourth coming episode of Welcome to the Future, the special senses in the toilet. You know if you've had a good or a bad sleep. But what we didn't know was your sleep score. And so they figured out how to, I mean, traditionally, I've worn my upper watch to bed. before, it tracks how long you sleep, it tracks, it gives you a little graph with the quality of the scrape. But it's never, it's never, it's never, never, how many times you were interrupted

by Siri? Exactly. But it's never previously, just taken all the information that it already captures and turn it into a number, Charles, a number. Right, out of what? It's a percentage. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Never been none before. Well, I reckon I'm 69. Oh, God. You weren't getting any sleep, wait. Hey, hey, hey. So sleep score high. Now, one of the, I hate this to my core. I can't work out why... But also, for this to... It's just going to breed a whole new generation of people who have something else to worry about.

Which will prevent them from falling asleep. Now, I have... I've got to... Because actually, I was talking about the science of sleep with my trainer the other day. And he was saying the whole... Because he used to go to the AIS, right? And the whole key is to not worry about the importance. importance of sleep as the way to get to sleep.

Too bad. The whole key is to not worry if you're going to go to sleep. And if you, if you, it was called, if you glorify, or you glorify getting to sleep, then it fucks your sleep because it makes you more active. It makes you think about the thing that you're trying to do that you're trying to not be active about. And the number of nights when I've lay there trying to get to sleep and going, oh, God, if I can only get to sleep. And, but also, Charles, for this is just, this is just, this is irresponsible.

This should be banned. Charles, for this to work, and let's be really clear on this, for this to work, you have to wear your Apple Watch to bed. Yes, definitely. Which is another, it brings another feature that actually Apple's been really good at since the first Apple Watch. So do you just plug it in and then strangle yourself? How does it work?

It has got more battery. So they've managed to, on the regular Apple Watch, it now is 24 hours. The idea that Apple managed to charge hundreds of dollars for a watch with no battery, you've got to charge every day. So you've got to find a way to charge it during the day. But this is the thing. you've got to have it on all night, which brings me to the feature.

I've always noticed. I don't know whether you have it, but ever since the very first Apple watch, one of the key features for me has been contact turbotitis. It's been irritating your skin. Oh, right. Oh, no, I've never heard that. No, no, well, you probably have a better skin than me.

But anyway, so you've got to wear it at all night in order to get this feature. So that can't be good, can it? Having the Apple watch on all the time? Or does it just mean Apple intrudes into another, like Apple's now haunting our dreams. Yeah, because my worry with it is, Because it does occasionally To speak to you

Yeah Yeah well like Why like It will definitely do that It will definitely This has the smart Workout Buddy thing as well That's going

That was your fastest 5K ever Like maybe they need to introduce A dermatitis school Yeah Well I've got Let's see how my dermatitis is coming on Yeah right I figured out

I have finally found a band That doesn't give me dermatitis But no there's usually a bit of irritation Going on there Yeah right Okay I mean the first ones With the plastic straps

I've got terrible dermatitis It doesn't strike you that maybe you should just ditch your Apple Watch, Dom. But Charles, I don't know if I'm going to die. And look, to be fair to them, yes, it has. Why do you want to be fair to them? They're not being fair to us. The very, very expensive watch that we don't in any way need does occasionally save lives. And also, the Apple Watch 3.

Oh, does it? So did they have examples of people? Oh, yeah. There's lots of times when, particularly atrial fibrillation and stuff like that. Oh, right. There's stories, because you can actually use them to make phone calls. Like, someone got lost. in the middle of his kayak went out to sea or something and he managed to call.

But there's a new feature on the Apple Watch Ultra 3, which will be genuinely useful for adventurers, which is that it can do those satellite emergency messages now. So if you're middle of nowhere and you've got the Apple Watch Ultra 3, which is the super expensive, very thick one, you can send a message to get picked up. Do you reckon the guy who's on the run in Port Punker has an Apple Watch? Wouldn't that be brilliant?

Yeah, to just get in touch. No, I mean, it hasn't been released yet. Maybe he's managed to get a pre-release, I don't know. So, no, the satellite signal thing, very... And it actually lasts, apparently, for 42 hours. So you only have to charge it once every two days. Right. So $1,300 sort of a cost.

Yeah, so day three, you're fucked. So he clearly doesn't have an apple watch, yeah. So, Charles, I mean, I tell myself that at the regular time when I'm venturing in the wilderness far from a mobile phone signal, because I'm such an outdoorsy guy who goes hiking. Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah, that's what it's for. Yeah.

So very, very good. All right, we'll move on to the phones. Yeah, I feel like you've buried the lead. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser report. Because all I want to hear about is the phones. Why have we talked about the watch? Well, that's what they do to get people listening for longer.

Oh, okay, right. But Charles, are you now going to keep your Apple watch because it's not great at telling the time? I've now just taken off my watch in disgust. All right. Should we go straight to the air? Because this is the only thing that's of any interest, really. There's some minor updates to the 17. I haven't looked at the 17 Pro, but you have.

Shall we tease the air thing till the end of the podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we should do the main thing with the Pro. Yeah, you talk about the Pro. The 17 is barely anything, really. Yeah, yeah. So the Pro, they're going to, I don't know about you, but my phone lasts about three hours per day.

And so I charge it at least twice a day. Really? Yes. And how, does your phone, tell you how many hours you've used it that week? And do you feel ashamed? I don't. Oh, it's awful. I'm going to turn that off. So, because what they did for the iPhone 15 pro is very actually clever is they build it out of a substance that makes it heat up to extreme temperatures all the time. Great. Great. So it was called titanium. Yes. And it was seen as much

better than aluminium, which actually dissipates heat 168 times more. Yeah, have you ever seen, you take aluminium foil out of the oven or something. In a minute or two, it's a much better than aluminium. It's, It's just marine temperature. Unbelievable. Yeah. So what the breakthrough for this one is that they've gone back to aluminium, which they have had for the last two years. So all the stats for the phone are much better because it's just like the old technology back again.

So they've increased the battery life and the thermal status of the phone by not having this fucking piece of shit material. Just going to the simple aluminium, which as we know scratches very easily. And the thing is, and then. And the huge breakthrough, which I just don't see how, I mean, like Steve Jobs had some good ideas, but this is next level, which is that they've made an orange iPhone. So that, I mean, that like... No, I've had orange iPhones before, but they've never had an orange iPhone pro. Yeah, exactly.

That's game changer. If you want to look like you're an emergency services worker. Yeah, or SES, volunteer. Yes. Oh, that's absolutely brilliant. So it's in orange. That's very exciting. And that's it.

That's all, it's the only things. Can I just slight correction because I'm looking at the website now? It's not orange. It's cosmic orange. A deep blue or silver, that's it. Now, a lot of the talk related to the aluminium has been about something called the vapour chamber. Yes. Which sounds like a sort of amazing steam bath where you go to and, you know, you inhale, I don't know, eucalyptus and it helps you.

Does the phone have something like that built in? Can you use it to clear your sign? in the middle of winter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is a vapour chamber? Like what? Is it just do anything? No, I think it's just like, you know how air gaps,

what actually helps dissipate heat? Or like, there's a whole, like, the idea is that it takes the heat from the processor and spreads it all evenly around the thing. And I think it's literally because there is a chamber of essentially air. It's actually water. I'm looking at this here. So deionised water.

Sealed inside moves heat away from the A19 Pro Chips. For all these years, they've been telling us to keep phones away from water. And now. Or avoids your warranty now they're built in water. So, see, that's pretty cool. But you're not going to notice that at all. Like, none of this stuff will actually make any different to our use of the phone. No, no, but like my phone, no, I completely disagree.

My phone gets so hot that I can't pick it up sometimes. So you're saying the battery. And that's the life's actually better, like in all sincerity. That's because, no, the titanium would heat a, up to extreme levels and it would go around the rim. And so you could not pick it up. It was terrible. Okay.

So I feel like they should be replacing the iPhone 15 Pro with an iPhone 17 pro under warranty because it's such a fucking shit piece of design. Like the AJBLC should go after Apple and just go, nah, it's like, just fuck. All right. So they've built in water. What else? It goes up to like, it says here it's got 16 times optical zoom, really. That's actually a huge improvement.

We're now recording this podcast using iPhones. And, I mean, that could really focus in on, I don't know if I got a pimple on my nose. It could be amazing. Because it was five times. That's an improvement. And as a result, it's got this massive ugly bump on the back. Yeah. Which they're calling the plateau.

Yeah. So it's now the ugly bump goes all the way across the whole back of the phone now. You know, or you could buy a car. You know what? Like, it's like there are $2,000. View pricing. Yeah, indeed. Yeah.

Which is best for me, Pro Max, from 2199. Yeah, you could do, is there more money for Orange? What you could do is you could buy a, oh my God. A laptop. Do you know what if, you want a 2 terabyte one cost? You could buy happiness for less than. Yeah, we'll get onto the iPhone here in a moment. You know what, to 2 terabyte iPhone 17 Pro will cost in Australia.

It'll be 3,000, $3,799. I never run out of space on my phone. See, what else could you buy? for that. You could buy a really specked up laptop. You're not a holiday. You'd go to South East Asia for a week of lying by a pool for that, couldn't you? Yes. You could pick up dermatitis in another

country. You'd have a vapour chamber. You'd actually have a proper vapour chamber. You could probably buy a person for $3,700 in some parts of the world. I mean, those sorts of prices were mentioned, I think, in the Epstein birthday book, weren't they? It would have just been fully, fully synced.

All right. I reckon there's places in the world you could go and get a kidney for that. Oh, isn't that what Carrie Packer paid is helicopter pilot? Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure. All right, so that's the iPhone 17 Pro. Let's now look at the main game, Charles. Talk us through the iPhone Air, because this is the, this is the one that I know you're going to get.

And you won't. How do you know? Because the whole purpose of this phone, I can tell, is for people who don't put cases on their phone. Yes, which I don't, yeah. Because there's no point having a 5.6 millimeter wide phone. in a case. Yeah, and then putting a fucking case on it. It should be noted also that it's 5.6 millimeters wide, like most of it.

I mean, look at this picture. Like, it's super, super thin, except for the massive bump up one end that's, I don't know, more than a centimeter wide or something. Yeah. So what's going on? You know we're all going to buy one. You know that. And I don't know why, because it's just an emotional thing.

It's super thin, strikingly light and shockingly strong. Do you actually, does it actually matter to you whether your phone? your phone is thin? Like, is it actually going to be nice? The only thing I'd say is my favorite phone that I've ever had was a Motorola razor. Oh, yeah, that were pretty cool. And they were, for people who are less than 50 years old, I'll just explain, they were incredibly thin phones.

Yeah, back then. Like, literally, they wouldn't have been more than, like, when you folded them out, it wouldn't have been more than a few millimeters. Have you seen the latest? And they had terrible software. Yeah, really bad in a face. It was like literally, I think it was like you could store 10 numbers in it or something like that. Like, I literally could not store all my contacts in the phone.

It was so shit. But it was so thin that it didn't matter. You were just, it was like being in the future. Look at the new razors. Look how thin they are. Where is it where? That's the new razor on Android. It's chunky.

That's in half. That's in half. It's flipped. That's the closed claim shell. Oh, right. Yeah. Why are we still doing iPhones? All right.

So you think this could be your phone. So I just think thinness is actually, like if Steve Jobs were alive today, we'd already have the iPhone air. It's getting back to a sort of time when actually technology was something that created an emotional connection, not something that was there to milk you out of your next $2,000. Poor Steve did get very thin towards the end, didn't it was awful. Our most outrageous iPhone ever, the pancreatic cancer iPhone. But Charles, so I was a sucker, one of those suckers who bought the original MacBook Air.

And he launched that. He launched that by pulling it out of an envelope. You remember, it was one of those sort of office envelopes. And it was like, oh, my God, that is so thin. Our most underpowered Mac ever. It was terrible to use. It had one USB port, which also powered it. And I took it when we went on tour, like the Chaser toured around in the country.

I was like, oh, my God, I got the most portable laptop ever. And it was awful. You couldn't write word documents on it. So is that what we're getting with the iPhone Airphone? Well, I think in fairness, I think they've made it all powerful and everything like that. My objection is, as you quite rightly point out, that there's this bump with the camera on the sort of thing. And you just go, if you're going to go thin, just go thin everywhere. No, like, buy a different phone if you want a good camera.

Go back to when they just had a tiny little phone sensor that fit it into the back of your phone. and just make it just absolutely super sexy. I mean, I'm just looking forward to all the tests of how strongest thing is, because what they're doing is that they're putting the ceramic shield. They're making it out of fucking titanium. Yeah. They're putting the ceramic shield thing on it on the back as well as the front, so that the whole thing's supposed to be scratch-proof.

My last iPhone got scratches on the screen in about one day. Yes. But then as soon as surely as soon as you drop it, it's game over, right? Like, that's the thing I've never understood. Why did it? But that's why you pay extra for Apple Care. Yeah. Okay.

So, and they've also tried to, to convince us that a phone with one camera has two cameras. This is the best marketing. This is where you go. Classic Apple. It should be illegal. Like, they should... So why is it two cameras?

Because it's a fusion main camera. Two advanced cameras in one. But it's got one lens. One camera. Yeah. But also there's a new mode. I'm not sure if this one has it, but there's a new mode that Apple's invented that lets you simultaneously record from the front camera and the back camera. So for narcissists,

record, I don't know, something actually interesting. And your reaction to it. There's a whole social network based on that, wasn't it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. During the pandemic. Be real or something. Be real. Yeah, yeah.

So, I mean, yeah, all that really has going for. I mean, the presentation mentioned all this technology that's supposed to be amazing about it. It is titanium. It's got an immersive pro display. It's immersive somehow. Now, let's see the pricing. This is the big question.

No, they're cheaper than the pros. Are they? Yeah. So they can't actually be good then. 1,800 bucks or something. Oh, the colours are really, why are all the colours boring? Yeah, they're boring. So sky blue, which is slightly blue, light gold.

Tim Cook had to make it shit in some way. It's base of black. So 256 gigs is 1799. Well, I suppose you're only getting one camera. There's no vapour chamber. Are you going to get one, do you think? Look, to be honest, if I message worked on Android's, I would switch over to it. Wouldn't we all?

Isn't that the only thing that's keeping us? pixel pro tomorrow the google pixel pro 10 has everything but you know but but it's not i message it's i message yeah i mean don't you just feel revulsed when you get the green text from someone yeah i do i feel pity yeah i know i feel ashamed for them yeah it's the only thing keeping you see is it the messages i am that shallow i'm as shallow as the iPhone air is thin okay and there you go the most comprehensive review with the new apple iPhones oh and the apple 17 has literally nothing of any interest at all. It's centre stage camera when you're doing your selfies.

It'll sort of follow you around the room. Have they invented a way to stop authoritarianism and autocracy in the US? Yeah. Yeah. Tim Cook had dinner just the other day. Donald Trump, I assume that was to help stop autocracy and authoritarianism. Our most democratic. Yeah, no, I think they've...

People have resurfaced recently a tweet that Tim Cook made on January 6th, 2021, talking about how, you know, the president-elect needed to be recognised and all this stuff. And yeah, that was that, that was then. This is now, now is, now is, I like having dinners. He said, I like having dinners. Like many for dinner, Mr. President. Well, I like iPhones.

Well, Charles, on the bright side, we can now chart the, the rapid decline of everything with a very thin phone. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yes, it'll be nice and light. Hmm. Yeah. So the sort of heavy news that comes through each day. Yes, that's true.

And if you turn it on, if you turn your phone on it, on your side, then suddenly the 2025 disappears. Oh, that's good. I am getting one. We're part of the iconoclast network. So, yeah.