The Chaser Report - Worst Father Ever

Episode Date: November 12, 2020

This week Craig fixes our awful national anthem, Charles fixes his son's lack of horrific injuries, and Dom looks at the attempts to fix the US election. Plus Rebecca De Unamuno with the latest minty-fresh Chaser news headlines.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In times like these, it's important to know who you can trust. At last, a new source that's reliably reliable, informatively informational and never wrong. Unfortunately, you're not listening to it. Instead, you're listening to the Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. My name is Dom Knight, Craig Rucastel and Charles Firth here. Craig, how's your voice today? The voice is good.

Yeah, sounds good, Charles. My voice is a little testy, yeah. I had my anniversary on the weekend and then, yeah, yeah. Well, this will be fun. I've gone hard. It's gone hard. I've gone hard. Well, what's not to love about this week?

Melbourne's free. Trump's gone, sort of. Well, we're going to talk about that. Yeah, we'll look at whether he's actually gone or not. And we'll look at the National Anthem as well. But most importantly, I'm sure you're already aware of this amazing fact, which is the Chaser website. is the number two most engaged with news service in the country, guys.

We've made it. Do you mean number two in the sense of ranked second to number one, or do you mean number two in the sense of it's shit? No, it ranks number two. Can I tell you who the number three source is? Yes. ABC News. So you're saying that Chase the website is higher ranked as a news website than the ABC.

Yes. Well, look, this is a terrible moment for humanitarian. I mean, fake news has truly triumphed If a satirical website is number two Yeah, but also who are the people Who are counting the chaser as a news source in the first place? When you say most engaged with, Is that because they include complaints?

Is that why it's up there? What does that mean, Charles? Well, look, I'm not a statistician. I'm not Anthony Greene. No. But, so what happened, the context of this is that it's to do with Facebook. It's basically the Facebook ranking.

Oh. Is this Facebook getting revenge on the Australian news media? In America, you know, they rank, you know, all the best, you know, top 10 posts of the day. And, you know, for last Sunday, which is when this was, you know, Donald Trump's post was the number one, and then it was like ABC News and CNN. Yeah.

Number two and three. In Australia, somebody did it. Number two was the chaser. Number three was ABC News. Number five was Scottish. news, seven was the guardian. Pick up your game guardian. Again, this is concerning.

I mean, now that it's Facebook, I makes a lot more sense to me. Facebook is about sharing incorrect information with other people. And the Chase website has long been run by Russian troll farms. Let's be clear on that. This is just old aunties sharing

Chase's story thinking they're real. And I now understand. That's fine. Okay. What is the number one? What was Chase Web? I don't think we don't need to go into that, Craig. I think what's important?

Can I guess? Can I have a guess? Well, if it goes basically, the more bullshit you become... You'll never guess. The more bullshit you become, the closer you get to the top. Like, was news.com to how you know what? Or a slightly more reputable site, porn hub. Was porn hub number one?

I'm sure it would have been. But no, I can tell you it was Gold Coast weather and News. News Together website. What? There was a weather event on the Gold Coast. They had a storm or something. That was the most, that was the top post. That was the top news.

Okay. Are you sure this wasn't filtered by like stories about like felching or something? Like, look, can we get, can we get Cam in here? Cam! This is the editor of the Chase website, Cam Smith, who we spoke to in the last episode about how he lost the Chaser's blue tick on Twitter. We need you in here. We need you to just back up my assertions.

We did it. We're number two. We're definitely number two. Do you know what the post at number one actually was? What was it? It was a lost dog on the gold card. It was the number one post on Facebook in Australia. Okay.

So, all right, great. So was your point more that essentially it was a slow news day, it was Sunday. So what was the Chasers? post? I honestly don't know. This is the guy in charge of the website, guys. As you can see, no wonder we got to number two. With this kind of fucking genius behind it here?

I have no idea. No, but Craig, to be fair, Cam, Cam has been very busy. Can I ask us one more question before you ask. Cam, can ask you a question? Have you at least learnt the lesson? How many stories about lost dogs on the Gold Coast do you currently have on the website?

We've got hundreds queued up for the side. Yeah, in fact, Cam's been out stealing dogs. just to boost our rankings. No, but the reason why, you know, he hasn't looked it up is because he's been actually dealing with a very important issue. He's been petitioning Parliament. Because as, you know, regular listeners would recall last week, Cam led us to lose our blue tick, our very important blue tick on Twitter, right?

By impersonating Donald Trump. Yeah. Mind a thing. But, I mean, we didn't actually end up losing that much. I think we were only gone for a day before Twitter really. they were nothing without us. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

I mean, where's the power balance there? Twitter or the chaser? Yeah, but it has been a really big week for petitions. I don't know if you guys heard, but the Senate just passed the Kevin Rudd's anti-neutral. Oh, wow, the 500,000 people with the petitioned for the Royal Commission. Oh, really? It actually went through.

But that was only one of many very large and important petitions today, because we saw that and we thought, well, if Kevin Rudd can do it. Why don't we take this to the people and say, hey, we've lost our tick. The Australian public obviously want us having our tick back. Yes. So we wrote to the board of petitions. I don't know what they're called.

The House of Representatives petitioned. Is that how you started the letter? It was, dear, whatever your name is. Good, good start. Again, research being the key to Cam's job here. Beautiful start. We'll fix it all in post. yeah so we we wrote off to the the petition board

and we we penned a very very formal sounding petition because Trump had gone out with his legalese earlier and oh yes right I hearby accepts did we put a hearby in I think we've got a hearby so it was on Tuesday the 3rd of November the Twitter corporation removed the verified status of beloved national comedy group the chaser for the minor misdemeanor of impersonating

the United States president we hereby asks the House to legislate that the Twitter corporation be required by law to return the Chaser's blue verification tick that was removed for calling the United States president an idiot and they got back to us they wrote back today saying your petition was considered by the standing committee

and it was rejected that's good to know that we've wasted some politicians time that's good cam I mean they could have been fixing something at that point. Climate change and gamble. Well, it didn't stop there. We certainly did waste some politicians time today because we wrote back with fuck, sounds like the corrupt Twitter

corporation has bribed you all into obedience. We demand to see the minutes of this meeting immediately. To which they replied, good afternoon, Cam. Minutes of the private meetings of the committee are not disclosed. Please let us know if you have any further questions about your petition. Which, of course, we do. Yes, which is, and so what are you going to do? What are we going to do about it?

It's good that they didn't, they had no problem with you saying fuck to them. So that's good to know. They're very nice. I think they're required to be because next we hit them backwards, very well then, a battle it is. I will simply put in a freedom of information request to see what you corrupt bureaucrats are trying to hide from us. Yours truly can.

That's very good. Okay, well, like. So we await. the F-O-I. Have they got back to us on that, Cam? Oh, they've got back to us again. A very productive day. Does the federal government have any real work to do during a pandemic? Clearly not. They're trying to hush up a six-scale. This is perfect.

Jeff. Much more important things to do. So they replied to us saying, Good afternoon, Cam. You may wish to note that the Department of House of Representatives is excluded from the Freedom of Information Act the Section 68 of the Parliamentary Services Act regards to the secretariat. This is a big scoop. I mean, We wouldn't have known this if hadn't written this.

This is a bigger scoop. We found out that the freedom of information doesn't apply to the government. You can't know what the government thinks. This goes all the way to top, Cam, take it further. And look, once you write this up for the website, I reckon we're going to beat the Gold Coast. I'll slip a lost dog in there. People love news about Section 68A.

Fucking, that's the way to go. So at that point, I thought, all right, they've got us beat. Yes. We can't really do anything here. And then I had the thought, what if we start a petition to make it so that the department is included in the freedom of information? Yes!

So we've gone and put that in at the moment. They haven't got back to me yet. Well done, Cam. That's good. That's good. Wasting bureaucrats time when they could be doing better work. It's not as pointless as Kevin Rudd's attempt to take on News Corp. Yeah, that's true. It's more likely to achieve change in the media than that is.

Now, of course, that was the most important news the week, but there is more news. Let's check in now with the Chaser Newsroom and Rebecca Dayanamuno. Spinal unit doctors have expressed amazement today after a local man miraculously re-grew his missing spine. The patient, known only by the pseudonym M. Turnbull, had reportedly been suffering from a lack of backbone for years, following a bad fall in the poles that left him bending over backwards

at even the slightest change of winds. Scott Morrison has today denied allegations that his government is misogynistic, pointing out that he never once interrupted Tony Abbott when he was Minister for Women. I spoke over hundreds of women, explained Morrison, during Michaelia Cash's press conference, and not once did I hear them say anything about sexism while I was telling them there isn't a problem. America has today scraped a pass on their collective history exam after narrowly gaining a 51% correct score on who should be their next president, though initially answering A, the first. fascist, Americans were then seen to cross out their answer and instead circle B, the guy

who isn't perfect, but at least he's not a fascist. That's the latest Chaser news. Check out chaser.com.com.com for more updates. The Chaser report, news a few days after it happens. The Chaser report is brought to you by the Chaser website. Now number two. So, David, don't have you saw this this week, guys, that there's a really big push on to change the Australian National Anthem. It's actually a good thing. Most people are getting behind it. The Premier of New South Wales got behind it.

It's basically to change it. So from Australians all let us rejoice for we are young and free to be one and free. Because, you know, the Indigenous population kind of fairly points out that we're not the youngest of nations when you look at it. So most people are kind of behind that. And it looks like it might actually happen, right? I reckon it's a wasted opportunity to only change one word. Yes. Surely we can improve more than that.

We should just change the whole thing. So they're going to say we are one and free. We're in no way one. West Australia's halfway three seceding. Queensland doesn't want anyone else coming now. And also I don't want to be part of Queensland either anyway. Like it should be at least two or three. Probably seven.

Maybe that should be the thing. For we are seven and free. One, two or three. So we are 25 million and free, yeah. Yeah, that's it. I mean, that'd be good, too. Look, there's a lot of stuff you could change in this, to be fair. I mean, the word Gert, yes.

I say more of them. For we are Gert by Gert. But also, there's lots of words that rhyme with Gert, like, hurt. Yep. For we are hurt by sea. Yeah, yeah. That's good. That's true.

Yeah. We are hurt by sea. We are burnt by the sea. I mean, that's kind of pretty sums up out last summer. I don't know, surely we can improve this thing here. Do we have wide brown land in our national anthem? Because I think we've got to get that in there somewhere as well. Oh, you're trying to turn it into some bank country, are you?

Yeah, it's not there. No, we have golden soil and wealth for toil. No, it's boring. That's rubbish. That's a shit one too. The soil is brown. Yeah, we've got brownish soil. We've got brown soil.

And who wants to be wealth for toil? No. You don't want to have to work for your wealth. That is very un-Australian. Oh, wealth for free. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the way our system works is the wealth you get wealthier. You don't have to toil about it.

It's ridiculous. Yeah, that's stupid. So you should change that while we're there. And we like long weekends. Is that the sort of... It's not in there, not in there. We need to put that. That is the most Australian value of all.

Yeah, I think so. I mean, the first one is a bit lame. Australians all let us rejoice. It never happened. What is rejoice? Is that like another child from mana of choice? Australians, actually, that both is true. Australians all let us rejoice.

That makes it a sort of perennial. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Always topical. At one point, we will all create a child for fun. You rejoice. It is, when you do look at it, it is fairly shit. That's terrible. Well, history's page led every stage.

I mean, that's just, that's just shit writing. It's doggeral. It's just page, let every stage advance Australia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, doesn't it? And in joyful strains, like, during COVID, we don't want any more strains of anything. Yeah, yeah.

And joyful strains, sounds like something on the toilet. Like, what is joyful strains? I'm trying to write a national anthem. So I reckon that, look, if we're going to do this, we should change a lot more of it. Or we could just use the second verse, which nobody is aware of.

I love it, yes. You know, you guys probably know this. I know it starts with beneath our radiant Southern Cross, so the Bogan's all like it. Yeah, exactly. And by Radiant means because it's on fire. Yeah. Beneath our racist Southern Cross.

Yeah. That's good. The Chaser Report, less news, more often. The Chaser Report is Australia's second most trusted news source behind the missing dog story. Now, Craig and Charles, when we last checked in on Donald Trump in last week's episode, it was very late on election night. He was having a bit of trouble accepting the result. Frankly, we did win this election. Now look, a day and a half later, we had some more.

Time to think about the result, looked at the numbers. It became very clear that in most swing states, probably Biden would be ahead. It was getting close to time to concede. So Trump went into the briefing room at the White House, and he said this. If you count the legal votes, I easily win. What's your reaction to that the second time he came out and claimed victory and was looking almost impossible to win? I know.

It was a big shock to me because up to that point in Trump's presidency, I thought he was a really sane individual who, you know, weighed up things in a positive way. It really shocked to me. The thing that amazed me was how unshooked every single person was about him doing this. Yeah, I guess because he'd been warning us for months before it was going to happen. There was a bizarre story that came out this week, actually, of the back of that, which was, yeah, it was like on the inside as one of the journalists talked about the fact that Joe Hockies told him that Donald Trump had still not returned to him.

him his score sheet from the last game of golf they played because basically hockey had fucked up and beaten Trump. I mean, it should never do. What's just, we're one job as an Australian diplomat in America is to lose golf to Trump. So he's stuffed up and won't.

And Trump has taken it and will not give it back to him. He won't have the evidence of the fact that he's lost his golf game. That's so funny. Well, that wasn't a legal golf score. Exactly. Yeah, have to go out the legal strokes I win. It's extraordinary, though. It's great.

But this situation is extraordinary, Craig, because what happened after that little speech was that all the major networks and newspapers called the race, right? So Joe Biden's being referred to... Called the race riot? Called the... Yeah, there probably were race, right.

It probably will be race rights. So they said Joe Biden's won the election. He's now being called the President-elect. He's naming his transition team. World leaders are calling him, even Skomo. Congratulations him on winning the election. But instead of accepting that they lost, some Republicans and their supporters,

having real trouble processing this result. It's not just Trump. Let me give you Mike Pompeo. So he's the Secretary of State, basically the foreign minister. This is what he said in a press conference yesterday. Is the State Department currently preparing to engage with the Biden transition team? And if not, at what point does a delay hamper a smooth transition or pose a risk to national security? There will be a smooth transition to a second Trump administration. So they're just pretending it's not happening. I actually love that guy. Like, I just, it's so great.

Just go, yeah, we're preparing for the second Trump administration. And if that's the case, he's just been playing golf every day. That's you preparing for the second Trump administration? What was the name of that? Remember it during the Iraq War? Oh, was that spokesman. Yeah, Chemical Ali. He just came out every day and said whatever, you know, Saddam Hussein is great.

He's good. Oh, yes. We are winning this war, you know, as they lost. And I think that that's, Mike Pompeo's role now. It's a good approach. Are we going to end up in the sort of, was it in Brazil or somewhere where they ended up with a sort of contested, for a few months there was a completely contested thing.

There was two people who just said, we're present. Yeah. Well, that's where we are now, because Trump is now, Trump's now ordered the budget department to prepare the 22 budget that he was presented in February. So he's doing a George Cassanza. He's just pretending that he hasn't been fired. He's going to stick around. So they're all going.

We don't know if we should do this work. Like, clearly he's not going to be there. You're not going to put your best work in today. But we've been told to do it. But look, actually, the chemical ali of this situation, we all know very well. It's a man by the name of Rudy Giuliani. He's the personal lawyer to the president.

Also, the guy who got him impeached over that whole Ukraine thing, by the way. Rudy was responsible for the best moment of the week. He held a press conference and it's gotten a lot of coverage, so we've got to get into it. And, look, Trump tweeted, big press conference at the four seasons. Yes. He then said, no, no, the press conference is half an hour later, and it's at the four seasons total landscaping in suburban Philadelphia.

And so Rudy Giuliani gets up, and the first thing someone says is, what's your reaction to them calling the election for Joe Biden? He had to think quick. He didn't realize that they'd done this. Here's what he said. Oh, my goodness. All the networks. Wow.

All the networks. We have to forget about the law. Judges don't count. There you go. So that's Trump's best defender. Yeah. Trying to say that we've got to keep going. Heavy-handed sarcasm.

Yeah. Does that hold up in court? I've never been in court. Yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, did he win? Did he? Oh, they're little verti words. But so he was standing in front of a garage door.

at this weird warehouse in the middle of nowhere next to a crematorium on one side and on the other side a dildo shop. I mean, is that a good venue for this press conference? It's certainly got everyone talking. It's an appropriate venue. Yeah, I think so. I think Trump would have wanted him to,

he was like, he would have initially booked the actual Four Seasons Hotel and then thought, oh, I really want Julianna to pick me up a dildo on the way home. It'd have been more convenient if we did it here. Do we know what the story was there? Like, was it... Has it been confirmed that it was just... No. Everyone's trying to find out whether it was a fuck-up

because surely it was... I mean, it has to be a fuck-up. You didn't... But they're claiming it wasn't... They're claiming that it was the base and it was the like, the heart thing. But the best part of that, Craig, is to follow up from your point,

people have actually been calling the Fantasy Island adult store and asking you fruity Giuliani's there. The 76-year-old guy behind the desk is sick of all the calls to ask you for, he's still there. Oh, Jesus, that's good. That's, okay.

That's very disturbing that a 76-year-old would run a dildo shot. Yeah, that is, isn't it? You're like, you're kind of walking and then you're going, ooh. This puts me off the mood. Well, it's one-stop for there to the crematorium. Sorry to be ages. But look, a lot of other people are not taking the result seriously. They're refusing to acknowledge what's been decided, what's really pretty clear.

Is Chazel where you host Planet American now? One of my absolute favorites, I don't know if he's made it on a Planet America, but he's certainly making it on a while podcast, is an American tele-evangelist called Kenneth Copeland, who, like Rudy Giuliani, tried sarcasm for the result. The Associated Press said that Joe Biden is president,

ha! Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! Yeah. Yeah. going to be president. Mickey Mouse are going to be king, yeah. You know what I love about that actual clip if you actually watch it? It's quite fascinating because he starts this kind of mad laugh, you know, that mad laugh.

And then he just keeps going with that. And you see the audience who are like initially in on it like going, he's going to go, ha ha ha, what a joke. But he just keeps going. And they kind of, they then get a bit, you can see in their eyes a bit like, what the fuck are we meant to do with this king? And then he keeps it up for so long. They all stand up and start applauding.

and he actually creates the situation, this mad, totally evangelist, kind of gets everyone out of their seats to clap because of the insanity of what he's doing. And I just, I loved watching it because I think I'm going to take that on board. I cut the audio down, actually. It was much longer.

Yeah, that's what I mean. He went for ages. And they didn't know what to do and then they finally started applauding and stood up and gave a standing ovation. The other thing is he, for long-term Chase the fans, he actually looked like one of our most beloved characters, Mr. Trollolo, if he'd stuck around and had

plastic surgery. But anyway, so there's Trump derangement syndrome. I mean, people have accused liberals of having this, but actually it seems to the right have this at the moment, Charles. And it's even here in Australia. Check out this guy on our very own version of Fox, Sky News. Many were saying before the election that Trump's concerns about potential voter fraud were exaggerated. In the light of these dramatic changes in the last 24 hours, and I've been around a long time in this stuff, it appears to me, Trump's comments may have been understated. There you go, Trump didn't go far enough, apparently, according to Alan Jones. Yeah, well, let's see you're going to trust a guy who's holed up on a giant farm in Sutton Forest.

He'd probably know what's going on in America. He'd don't. Don't you think that it's really sad? I mean, not that I like Ellen Jones at all, but don't you think it's a little bit like he's now in the twilight of his career. It's a bit, he's like John Laws on 2SM. He's sort of out there flailing around, trying to find relevance. Like a turtle flailing upside down. Yeah.

That's actually wrong, though. Because it's actually, Sky News has become one of the biggest things on YouTube. Just below the Taser, actually. I stole this audio from Media Watch, so I should have to take on today's point of that. Three million, three million views of that clip. This is good doing both Planet America and Media Watch at the same time.

Well, then you'll know the other clip that I'm going to play. This is another Sky News. Star. And what I love about this is that he flew all the way to Washington to get it this badly wrong. Here's Chris Kenny. This has been a big win for mainstream values against the elites. It's been a big win for democracy against a media push. And I've got to tell you, if you weren't watching Sky News in Australia, this will all come as an absolute surprise to you. If you weren't watching Sky News, you might think Biden won. Yeah, exactly. I mean, this is why you going to watch Sky. But look, I've got to say that it's not just the Sky News weirdos late at night.

There have been some people in Australia who are also suffering from Trump to Regiment Syndrome, some people very close to home. I'm calling this election for Donald Trump. He looks like he's going to win North Carolina, but there's no path to victory for Biden. That's guarantee. Biden has been given the kiss of death. Tom said he was going to win, so Trump's got this. both of you yeah Craig both of you were wrong you called it wrong

yeah I called it wrong yeah but you called it wrong later I was at least bold and called it wrong first yeah yeah yeah you said he had no path to victory yeah I still reckon that dombing on Biden's side

may fuck it up for him like until you see him take over the presidency yeah fortunately there was one person on this podcast who saw clearly and I've just edited my call just a little bit

just to make it seem more impressive I say that Charles is full of it and that Biden will do just fine and win. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Well done, Aaron Sorkin. Hey, I want to buy a dildo? The Chaser Report.

More news. Less often. The Chaser report is brought to you by the Chaser website. Always number two. except for the other weeks when we're five, ten, or something lower. Now, before I begin this story, I do want to just preface it by saying I am actually a good parent, okay? There is no evidence of that, but do go on. Yeah, keep going.

Now, so... I'm not docs, mate. Although they will get this recording later. Now, as a parent, I sort of, I do like to encourage risk-taking. You know, I've got two boys as they're growing up. You want them to sort of, you know, just expand their horizons on the world. You know, my son, my 12-year-old has recently got into graffiti. So, you know, take him out to walls at night and we go graffitiing.

Is that just a cover for his huffing? Was it? Nangs, yeah. Wait, is your son Banksy? That would be so cool. No, but you take him out and you sit there while he does graffiti. Yeah, yeah. That kind of takes a little bit of the cool away.

Like if Bansy's dad was there. But the other thing he's been getting into is skateboarding, right? How old is he? 12. Oh, yeah, this is true. This is exactly what I went through at 12 too. Yeah, yeah. Even I did like skateboarding.

Yeah, exactly. And why not combine the two? Go out at night, do a bit of graffitting, and then learn skateboarding. Because he hasn't done skateboarding before, so he's got to sort of learn. So this is interesting, because normally, like back in the day, all those sort of skateboard, colour gang type hoods, they did it without parental involvement. I think they were disobeying their parents.

You've gone another way. Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping that he'll rebel and say, no, I want to stay home and do my homework. But anyway, so I had a bit of an argument with the wife who sort of went, well, he can do all this, but he's got to wear a helmet, right? I don't know about you, but back in my mind, well, we didn't wear helmets for bikes, certainly not for skateboarding.

Like, how much brain damage can you get from a skateboard? You just fall off and then you just jump off. I mean, yeah, I reckon, I mean, I'm pretty dumb. Anyway, so she sort of inserted herself in this argument. And hardly, to my surprise, my 12-year-old basically just went, oh, yeah, okay, yeah, no, I should wear a helmet. It'd be much safer. Because he still has his brain.

Whereas you're going... No, don't do it, kid, you nerd, you're nerd and your helmet? If you've done it the other way around and you got in the head injury first, then he'd be anti-helmers. Yes, you've messed up. Oh, I've stuffed up the whole parenthood thing. I am a bad bearer. Anyway, so we've just done some graffiti.

We're coming down this big, quite steep hill at Sydney University, like down from the graffiti mural. Yeah, because that's the place where all the cool skaters go, Sydney University. Anyway, so, and the thing is he, because he's, He's just learned, he hasn't learned, I haven't taught him how to turn yet on a skateboard. So he goes round the corner, you know, out to sort of Ross Street, like, you know, at the bat. And just goes way too fast, falls off and goes flat on his back, like really hard, really fast. And the last thing to sort of smash against the ground was his head at great speed.

And was he wearing the helmet? He was wearing the helmet. It literally saved his life It literally saved his life And yet you'd been arguing against Yes Anyway, point is So I

To move on from that point So I run over and you know So oh thank God you were wearing a helmet He didn't pass out or anything like that But for the next six hours or so He had total amnesia Oh my God Because this was on

This was on Halloween night Did you use Did you go Can I borrow five bucks Of you? Did you say your father's a lovely responsible man Who would never get

to escape all without a helmet. Yeah, exactly. No, it was scary because he couldn't, you know, and so we'd be talking to hospital, of course. And, you know, at the beginning it was things like, you know, do you know what diet is?

Well, they normally ask who the president of the United States is, but he probably wasn't clear at that point. Yeah, it wasn't clear at that point. Well, and they've got rid of the prime minister question as well. He started going into it going, well, look, in Georgia, he's ahead by a thousand points. I think we find.

The electoral college says, yeah. No, they went, oh no, this man's going to turn into a nerd, get him out there, take off his helmet. So, anyway, so it was pretty scary. And so by the time we get, I get, so his mum, of course, looks after him overnight because he only allowed one carer. Yeah, and frankly, you'd already failed for the day. I'll take over for me. And, you know, like, so he couldn't answer, you know, where are you, what days, what is this? But by the time I got there at about 7 a.m. the next morning,

he'd started to sort of get with it. He was still, there was a sort of three things test that he kept failing. But other than that, it's fine. Anyway. Person, woman, man, camera. No, it was, what was it? I can't remember. It was Keyes, Cup, and Bird.

That's where you had to remember. In fact, his first memory, because he blanked out for six hours, His first memory is being in hospital and waking up and going to and looking around and then they walk over to him and they say, okay, now what are the three things you were supposed to remember? It had no context. What are you talking about? Helmet.

Don't write a skateboard and my dad's an idiot. Anyway, so his mum leaves to go and get some rest. I stay with him. The nurse comes over and he goes, you know, and they go, you know, where are you? Oh, I'm at RPA hospital. What day is it? Oh, it's Sunday by now. What month is it?

It's November now. And then they go, and who is this? And he goes, I have never seen that man in my life. And that's when we knew he was back to normal. The point is that they knew he was alright when he tried to not claim you as his father. It's like, that's a sign of sanity. His head's together. Yeah, amnesia's one thing.

That was just taste. Now, but, okay, so then the nurse takes me aside and starts... Who are you weird, man? Can you please leave here? No, this is the follow. This is a few days later. The nurse takes me aside and asks me, so have you been treated... How's he going?

He's fine. How are you going? Like, have you been treating him differently? Because they want to make sure that, you know, you're looking after your kid, I suppose, or something. I don't know. Really? Like, and you know... Pit like for that, arguably.

You're just like, no, no, it's all right. I pushed him down a hill this morning on skateboard soon. No, but I start telling agdos, I say, yeah, I suppose I am treating him differently because usually, you know, when he doesn't have a bath, I give him a Chinese burn. And then he has the bath. I like that. It was both abusive and racist. Well done.

The nurse just sort of tilts her head a bit. And then I'd say, oh, yeah, and, you know, when he refuses to go to bed, I usually just drag him off our bed. And, you know, he sometimes hits his head. So, you know, I've stopped doing that as well. You know, thinking, I'm presenting myself to the responsible of the nurse. She's sort of looking over at Hartley. I tell you what, Charles,

look, the only thing that's worse than you telling these stories to a nurse are putting them down in some kind of recordable fashion where we played back to like a courtroom at some point, okay? Just as long as you don't do that, Charles, it's fine, okay? Well, then I'm fine. I mean, what day is it anyway? Where are we?

What am I doing? I hope his new family looks after him a bit better. I mean, that's the happy ending to this whole story. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. And that's it for the Chaser Report. Don't forget the minis get put out midweek. And big thanks to Mike Liberale. The now liberated Mike Liberali, our producer who makes all this happen.

We're almost done with this week's episode, except for that bit where we pretend to be surprised that there's late-breaking news in the Chaser News with Rebecca Dayunamuno. Russian president and famed Dobby the House self-impersonator Vladimir Putin has today stepped down from his role as the leader of Russia after losing the American election. Putin will be best remembered for his legacy of killing any journalists who write bad things about him

and also having a really tiny penis and horribly bad breath. Wait, no, where are you taking me? You can find The Chaser, of course. The Chaser website, apparently the second most popular news source in the country at chaser.com. you, the TikTok, the Instagram, the Twitter, all the usual stuff. Catch you next time.