The Checkup with Doctor Mike - Tommy Innit's Shocking Testicle Surgery

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

Follow Tommy Innit here: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TommyInnit Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tommyinnit/ Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/tommyinnit TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tommyinnit 00:00 Intro 01:40 What Makes Tommy Special 04:10 Live Tour / Stand up Comedy 12:10 Quitting YouTube / Logan Paul / Bo Burnham 23:02 Going To Therapy 25:30 Hospitalized From Water 27:12 Medical History 30:03 Testicle Surgery 51:12 Therapy Advice 1:00:30 Technoblade Executive Producer and Host: Doctor Mike Varshavski Produced by Dan Owens and Sam Bowers Art by Caroline Weigum Contact: [e-mail]

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or go to explorevolvo.com. Tommy in it went viral on YouTube at just 16 years old. Kill a sheep, kill a sheep, quick! Yeah! Tommy exploded in popularity in 2021, amassing 10 million YouTube subscribers as a member of the Dream SMP, a widely popular Minecraft stream. His life changed for the better and for the worst almost overnight. Some days I'd wake up and check my daily subcount that day, and if it wasn't 10,000 or above,

I'd feel depressed that day. Earlier this year, Tommy suffered a cruel twist of fate known as testicular tors. A medical emergency where circulation to one testicle is cut off, resulting in surgery and a unique experience with the NHS in the UK. He says, right, look, kid, you're right testicle, could be dying. I go, when was the death of balls on the tape? When was that even possible? And he goes, it's possible. Our conversation was one that was certainly all over the place.

Good variety on this podcast, isn't there? We go from balls to Minecraft, to balls. Even to the point where an earthquake happened. Should we evacuate? But that didn't stop us from discussing some more of the serious aspect surrounding his mental health, even diving into the difficult subject of losing his dear friend, hero, and fellow Minecraft creator, Technoblade. I'm not like grandparents dying, like dogs die of old age, and then when someone dies and they're just like not meant to, and he's like, doesn't make any sense.

I feel tremendously blessed to have enjoyed such a deep yet hilarious conversation with Tommy, who despite his tremendous success on YouTube as a. young man, I think it's on the cusp of a successful and fulfilling career as a comedian, filmmaker, and yes, Minecraft streamer. Please welcome Tommy In It to the Checkup podcast. I heard you say on an interview that what makes you special is your confidence, your comedy, your editing, and your balls. When did I say that?

Because it sounds like the least humble I've ever been in mind. I believe it was on Colin and Samir Oh yeah Actually I think it started with you Being introspective after Dream told you Like what makes you special Go back to what makes you special So I wasn't just rambling about me

There used to be my bulls Yeah That's what I'm saying So tell me Do you still have all of those qualities Well things have changed In the fast six lengths Mike Really

How in the loop are you About my crown jewels I'm in the loop As much as the rest of social media is So I've heard that perhaps things have taken a twist for the worst. Oh, wow. And you're doing word-plated. Well, yeah, they have taken a twist, taken a turn down a horrible rabbit hole.

So, yeah, about, I want to say six months ago. I can recount the story because I've told it to you so many doctors. Really? Yeah, yeah. And they always ask for the story from the beginning every time. It's annoying, right? Just one of you write it down and then you can tell the rest of them. We need to do better with that.

Yeah, that would be great. Do you find that you have to tell the story before the doctor even walks in, and then again, when the doctor walks in? They come in, they fiddle, and then they go, so what's happened? Oh, maybe you should have asked that before. They fiddle first? No, you know what? God forbid I throw the NHS under the bus.

They don't, they don't, NHS do not fiddle first. If I make a T-shirt, fiddle first sounds like a... Fiddled, I wouldn't, maybe wouldn't sell that, actually, but I'm just, just as some friend-to-friend advice. Friends fiddle first. Okay. Yeah. Well, again, still sort of terrible.

But, no, yeah, I, just so you know, as well, I stand a bit under the weather today. I am, I did sort of two nights ago, working with a terrible fever. I was at most of the night. So in a twist of irony, I almost had to cancel Dr. Mike because I was sick. Oh. What I've done is I've pushed through, I've drugged up, and now I'm here. And it kind of makes sense, because you're coming to see the doctor when you're feeling a little under the weather. I am. And what better doctors

to sit and talk for hours. Exactly. Well, if it's going to be hours, I'm going to be really excited. But it sounds like we only have you for a short period of time. Yeah, I've got a show on later today in New York on Times Square. Yeah, so before we get to the balls of the matter, tell me what's going on with the show. Yeah, yeah. So it's How to Be a Billioner.

I've got, I think, eight shows left now around America, and it's like me explaining my life story, how to be a billionaire. It's sort of like a comedy show retelling my life, kind of like a more theatrical sort of play than it's got... So is it like an improv mixed show where you're getting audience participation or you more sketch comedy? It has a bit of that.

It's kind of quite unique. It's sort of like a YouTube video but in real life. In England, we have pantomime, which are quite similar to. That's not like a thing in America. But yeah, it's been going really great. How do you pivot off of making YouTube streaming content to saying, I want to do live comedy? By accident. You can't.

Sort of my dad was like, why don't we try this? And I was like, really dad. And then I tried it and went, oh, this is awesome. Really? What do you like about it? Oh, I just love hearing everyone's voice in real life and being able to hear them laugh and being on the stage and coming up with jokes on the fly and having my scripted ones that I can sort of, I'm ready to say and I just love it so much. Has anything surprised you about going on tour and doing this live, whether it's that it's more difficult, it's more fun than you thought. You have to really, this is probably sort of a medical way to look at that.

You have to really sort of manage your high level emotions. It's really weird because on tour you sort of everyone's taking care of everything for you. So it's like, you know, sometimes you get anxious about shit, I need to do all these chores, need to cook myself a meal, need to do the, what's it called, the bed sheets. I need to do all these things. You just don't have to do that on tour. But before the show, you sort of have these big high levels of anxiety that you're going to then channel into going on stage.

So it's quite unusual in the way you manage your emotions. I felt like a lot of YouTubers have tried to transition either to movies, to television, to live shows. And a lot of them struggle when it's not just them and their camera. Yeah. But it seems like you're quite comfortable with that. Where did that comfort comfort? I'm a bit of a theater kid. To be honest with you, man.

So it's mainly that. Okay. So you did that growing up in school? Yeah, I did bits of that. And then sort of over the past few years on YouTube, sort of defined that I like doing comedy and telling jokes. And I've always found that on Twitch, like when I, doing my live streams, I've always got such a different thing out of it than all of my other mates that were doing it. So then when I, it turned out that really, what I love about Twitch

translated so much to live stuff. When you say one of your strength is comedy, what kind of comedy do you think you excel at? I guess it's kind of like being myself or an exaggerated version of that. And I think because of Twitch, I'm quite quick off the cuff now. But I've really gotten into writing over the past year or two and sort of writing jokes and sitting down. with mates, like, could this be funny, can this be loud? Do you ever get into it on those situations? Because I definitely do. A lot of my content initially has been very reaction-based and improv-esque.

Yeah, yeah. And now that I'm trying to get into more production writing like you are, I'm finding myself rewriting, rewriting, rewriting, and never being happy with the final product. Because when it's live, you just kind of say it and it is what it is. Yeah. Do you find yourself in that pattern? Yeah, I have found that, yeah, I found that difficult to get through. with stand-up because I've just started doing stand-up

the show isn't that but sort of separately in England to like 20 people in a basement in London been doing stand-up where just open-mouth yeah yeah I've just started doing open minds you have balls oh well not anymore but we'll get to that

but yeah yeah sort of and that has been really cool because you do it and you sort of write it down to you think this is going to work and some of it people laugh way harder than you think they're going to sometimes they just don't for a while

How does that feel? Not great, but it's good because you go offstage and go, cool. That bit's cut. So you sort of gradually refine until eventually you have that sort of piece where you know if they're not laughing, it's kind of their fault and not mine because I've put so much effort into working testing it with so many different crowds. I haven't with videos, though, I would just run it by friends who have made similar kinds of videos who I get advice off, but I haven't done many scripted videos in honesty.

In doing the live shows, whether it's stand-up or the show that you're here on tour for, do you find that there's a world that might exist where you don't do social media as much and now transition fully into this world? You know, it's funny, I always used to say, no, I could never imagine not doing YouTube. I can never imagine not. And then you start doing stuff that isn't, and you go, oh, this is rewarding for very different reasons. Yeah, yeah, and I love YouTube, but it doesn't like, it's sort of, once you've done it for a while, it's sort of the same, it doesn't get particularly more challenging.

It's just the same thing. And I really love that. But I could imagine spending a lot. I never quit YouTube, but I already am spending much less time doing social media or even like thinking about it. You'd Emma Chamberlainit, I like to say it that way, where she's like, she's on YouTube, but like, is she on YouTube? Yeah, I'd love to be, like, Beau Burnham's my inspiration and sort of just following my heart and what I want to do. And I love that he went from stand-up to making a film to doing a weird Netflix special thing. Like, I think that's so great.

So is that currently, like if you had to say, what's my biggest aspiration that I can get in the next five years? What is that for you? Probably a Netflix stand-up special. Really? Really cool. Yeah, I've really fallen in love with stand-up the past six months. Who do you listen to stand-up-wise? Well, obviously, Bo Burnham.

Oh, yeah. I could go for it. Bo Burnham, John Mullaney, I really like. Really like John Mullaney. Mike Bo Bigelia. I really like Daniel Sloss. Really like Steve Martin. I've just gotten really into George Carlin.

Oh my God. You're like in my generation. Actually, it's probably before even my generation. I was probably before even my generation. I was right. I've watched James Acaster I really like. And I've watched loads of their specials. I've watched some Dave Chappelle, but his older stuff.

Not his new stuff. Kill themselves and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Watched a bit of Chris Rock. I've watched a lot of stuff. It's clear that you're, really getting it. I really enjoy it. Actually, last week, this is pretty interesting. I didn't tell anybody. I went to Kevin Hart's award that he got from the Mark Twain Award from the Kennedy Center

in Washington, D.C. And when he was getting this Lifetime Achievement Award, the comedy gods were all there. Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Chappelle. They all performed. They all gave like five, ten minutes. Yeah, we saw them all live. And it's going to air actually on Netflix in mid-May, so you'll see it. But being there live is like really just special seeing it all. How big was the room? Kennedy Center's probably 2,500, maybe 3,000 like Beacon Theater-esque, right?

For like... Yeah, for like three of those guys. It's an opera opera house. Wow. That is special. But it was really cool to be able to see it live. And he got emotional, you know, because this is a genuine award where his friends came out and, you know, it would be cool to see you do the same and get your social media friends

that you started off with to come support you once you're getting that award. Yeah, oh, man. Obviously, it's a little while away. Yeah, at least to like a month or two. You got a dream. Yeah, yeah, totally. It started with dream and now you got a dream.

Yeah, yeah, no, totally. Yeah, but yeah, like, yeah, so I'm loving doing that. Really, I am. Yeah, stand-up comedy is hard. And the fact that there's so many ups and downs in it probably makes it more interesting than YouTube. Whereas, like, YouTube, once you get to a consistent place, you kind of know what works. And that kind of gets monotonous.

Like you're like, oh, it's repetitive. We're doing kind of the same thing. And it's successful and it's great. And you're making people happy. But at some points, you want to pivot and grow and do something different. Yeah. And I think I had many years where YouTube never was the same thing. And then probably in the past two, three years, it's been like, I still love it.

But I don't feel a compulsion of a direction to go this way. Whereas years before, I was like, I need to do that. Then this, then this, then this. Do you think there's a world that because you've been successful so far, fast. That's a reason why YouTube has become less interesting? Yeah, probably. I mean, it was all in the pandemic as well, so I was inside. So I'm sure a lot of why I love life of morning is because it's like the antithesis of lockdown. There's a lot of people in a room in a communal experience doing the same thing. Yeah, that's interesting because had you not, let's say, went through

four to 10 million in one year in subscriber accounts, like if you went from four to five, would you be still interested in grinding to get to the 10, to get to the 12. Yeah. I think the main thing for me was that my YouTube's always been about, like, doing jokes, and I've really enjoyed, like, as I was a kid, I've really enjoyed that. And, you know, even when I was grinding subcount, I was spending a lot of time thinking, how can I make this joke funnier? How can I do a better tweet or a funnier TikTok or a, when you realize all I've actually

been thinking this whole time is how can I get funnier, you go. Oh, that's what was giving me. Obviously, I should do stand-up. like yeah this is for me yeah yeah did you ever get into that um the treadmill of life where you're like i just want more subs i just want more views yep yeah yeah how did you deal with that um i sort of i find it when i like dedicate to a thing i can i can uh work quite hard at it so spent a lot of time speaking to a lot of different YouTubers and asking them like uh what should I do and then they give me some advice and I follow it um and so I like last year did loads of YouTube shorts and

and got like those subscribers doing that and made videos that I wasn't necessarily that into over the past few years and in the end even though it's like rewarding you go you know I've done so much to that I did like a YouTube field that got like 70 million views but of all the past few years

the time I felt the most rewarded was doing a stand-up routine for five minutes in a basement in London and instead of delivering it like Tommy In there doing all this I sort of delivered it like this and it got double the laughs and that's when I was like this is amazing

Once I stopped listening to what other people were advising me to do and really spent some time to go, okay, what do I want to do? That was when things really started to turn around. You mentioned you went to some folks who had successful situations on YouTube. Who gave you the best advice? Oh, man. And this is funny. I spoke to a lot of YouTubers, and all of them have been very analytic-spaced, advised.

Like, very analytical advice. and the best advice was some of the best advice I've ever gotten was from Logan Paul who you would assume it's very analytical but he's actually really into like

the art of YouTube and really like sophisticated with it and that was really shocking so he's given me some really amazing I find myself rereading and be like yeah because it's all about like enjoying it and putting your passion into it

again really surprising wow okay so he was encouraging you to take the art aspect of it more seriously He was, yeah, he was sort of saying, like, you're not going to want to do... Like, give me the advice. Tell me that. I just remember it being very profound, like, how sort of, he was like, you know,

there's all these things outside of YouTube that you can do and about sort of evolving and staying true to what you do and sort of how he brainstorms. And, but nowadays, I find that the main person I watch is film directors and David Lynch and Steven Spielberg and them talking about films. That's what really rocks my boat now. All right, well, now I'm going to give you the harder question. Who gave you the worst advice?

I don't really think any, like, No, you don't... Okay, don't politically correct this answer. Okay, the thing that I found was after a while, a lot of the advice blends into sort of similar things. And a lot of the themes are, like, how can you get more views, or how can we spend time thinking about how to get more views?

Okay. And I think that, just for me, directed me away from why I actually want to do, which is like enjoy it and put in, like, you know, I think the reason I got here is because I really enjoyed it. And no one gave me any, like, terrible advice that misguided me ever. And I'm like, you know, YouTubers are all really smart and really great. And the fact that they even sit down and help me is really cool.

You know, it's funny. You mentioned Logan Paul and you're like, he was actually very aspirational and inspirational with his advice to you. I've had some indirect interactions with him. And actually him and I sat next to each other at the Stream Me Awards one year. And I had a very peculiar interaction with him where we, we sat next to one another and I shook his hand and I'm like hey hey man nice to meet you he goes we've met before and I'm like oh no I mean I'm aware who you are and it's really cool to me you

you goes no we've met before and he kind of did one of these power moves and I'm like I guess we met before and that's been my pretty much only IRL on drugs but oh yeah he said that to you right and for the record I don't I hold no ill will to mr. beast for that but I'm sure he can acknowledge that it is amusing to tell a 16 year old those words and I you gotta know where everyone's advice is coming from that it's coming from their own life experiences right yeah and he's had so much success that his life first of all being on social media is not natural for the human mind really yeah because when think about if you're in a in a group an in group you want them to like you you want to be safe you want to be cooperating with this in group

and usually you can look around the room if you've offended somebody that's why stand up is so powerful because you can get that instant response But now when you have to think about millions of people having very drastically different reactions, our human mind can't really compute that. It's quite hard. And it becomes very unnatural. And that's why I feel like there's so much mental health anguish surrounding social media. And I've had it myself where it's like, oof, how do you manage the fact that maybe 80% of people support you? 20% of people absolutely hate you.

Yeah. I don't find it weird that everyone is anxious all the time. you do find it weird well because of this thing I'm like why are we all well you think of social media wasn't a thing we wouldn't be anxious I think would be less anxious oh yeah well don't you think pouring gasoline on already an anxious

group of people is going to make it worse why did the gasoline the social media is the gasoline in this I suppose yeah I mean I don't I'm no doctor but I do I do think that it's probably not I mean I sort of really agree I think by Byrham's done some really great takes on it

And I think his film 8th grade is the best depiction of like, oh, so this is what we're all feeling. What was the film? Give me a brief. So it's about he was really struggling with anxiety to do with social media and the performance and having an audience and that. And it was really making him panicky. So before Insight, he sort of went, I'm going to do a film about it. I was sort of trying to figure out who is the most similar to him to tell that story. And he realized it was sort of teenage girls because he looked at, um,

sort of boys who made YouTube videos and it was all talking about Fortnite and then girls was all talking about their feelings. This is a really brilliant film about a girl who is just starting eighth grade and is anxious and sort of trying to be their best self and a lot of it is coming from social media and trying to fit in and the sense of belonging and it's just really powerful and you go, oh geez, this is what we're all going through for this is like such an hour. It was just a very, no one ever really plays back to you, your own sort of. at least for me, it's how I felt. And I was like, you know, this is...

Did you feel isolated when you're having your moments of success? Um, I mean, I'm quite lucky because a lot of, like my most sort of, um, not turmoil, what's the word, turbulent years. I was sort of turbulent years were, um, when I was living with my parents. So I felt as isolated as you can do, living with your parents and your two dogs and we all really get along. So, yeah, but it was pretty peculiar. Yeah. And also, I sort of, my success came with the dream S&P and it was around then. So I had a very unusual experience of 20, like 30 other people blowing up and getting really to followers with me at the same time.

When you say that those times were turbulent, what made them turbulent? Well, we had, I'm talking about this in the show, but there was like we were getting docks and stuff. So people were coming to our house and shit was happening, which I would never really prepared for. And I think it was as well the responsibility. Like I was a 16 year old who, now sort of people were looking for every type of view on everything and I was like an idiot from notting him and still am so I found that quite challenging to be aware of the amount of responsibility and influence I suddenly had did you ever make a mist up with that yes yeah a lot how did you handle that um my mum would you I usually go mom everyone's there's a quarter of a million

people and I'm number one trending on Twitter mom and I don't really understand understand what I've done, and then she would help me write an apology. I'd go, explain to me why everyone's cross again, mom. She'd explain it. I'd go, okay, I'll get it, and then she'd explain it. I'd go, okay, that seems reasonable. How much did you'd stop shouting at me, though? And then I'd tweet that, and then it would go away, and then it'd happen a week later. So it's a lot of that.

So it's like you were living life on fast forward, because you were just like in super speed, right? Most people, they'll mess up once a year or something bad happens in school or whatever, but you're like every week. Once a week, yeah, I was getting dog piled up. But I think that is just the internet. And when you're at the, you know, sort of the height in the peak of COVID that I was at, you do have a, you know, there's a real dog pile culture. So it was like, okay, this is, I guess we're doing this.

Yeah. I think in the moment as well, we didn't have time to pause and be like, is this all right? We were just trying to make sure, you know, there weren't millions of people thinking I was a dick. True. Did you get a chance to interact with Boat Burnham at all? You've talked to so many creators. Yeah, he messaged me.

Oh, really? I messaged. what I do to people when I'm a big fan is I send them an email going hello I love you and I'd like to chat to you because I think you're brilliant and I did that one of a 16th to Bobburn. I'm kind of offended you didn't do that to me. And then I did that to Burburn and he messing me on Instagram going keep killing it and I was like yes yes yes and only as a year's gone by I've gone holy shit.

But no notes from the conversations. It was very brief conversation but yeah. And when you're having, I mean that was cool. enough for me to brag to all of my friends for the next three years about. I mean, that's what makes social media special. It reminds you of how small the world is to some degree. Yeah. But also how not real social media is. Because like you said, at one point, you have all these people dogpiling on you and judging you. And yet everyone around you in your immediate circle is, like, dude, you're fine. Like you're young. You're making mistakes. Yeah. How weird is it in these

two very drastic states. I don't think it's amazing for your mental health. But it's also, I'm very lucky with my support. So I've been sort of all right. Well, that's a good mental health fact there from the doctor's side of my stuff, that the number one factor that decides whether or not you have a good outcome when you have a mental health struggle, whether it's anxiety, depression, is whether or not you have a social support system in place. Yeah.

And I, at the big, so all of that really got intense around sort of November of 2021. I started doing therapy in January of 2021. And I remember for like four months, my mom was like, Tom, you're turning into a child star, you should do therapy and I was like, Mum, I'm not broken, Mum, I'm not going to do therapy, I hate therapy, I'm fine, and then I finally did it.

And he was like, you might have anxiety. And I was like, what the hell is that? And then I learnt when that was and went, oh, this is brilliant. And so I'm very into note-taking with YouTube advice. So therapy is like that to the max and learning about your brains. I,

it was really weird because I talked about it in 2021 at the peak and everyone was like, like, guys, you've sent this boy into therapy. I was like, no, my mom just really told me I should. Ironically, you know, I'm significantly older than you, but the mid-2020 was my first time going to therapy also. Right. Yeah, so I had a similar experience in that regard.

You know what it was? I'll tell you what my experience was, and then I'm curious about yours. For me, I'm a doctor, right? So I kind of know what advice you would give someone who's struggling with anxiety. And I would be giving myself that advice, which is essentially cognitive behavioral therapy,

where you take your irrational thought, I'm a failure, I'll never do better, like all these thoughts that frequently make us feel really terrible, and I would talk back to those thoughts or I would write down the more rational thought. Like I failed here, but I could always do better, that kind of stuff. And I just kept doing that in a loop.

So when I went to therapy, I'm like, what are they gonna tell me? Don't I already know? And I go in and I'm like, look, I've been doing the therapy on myself and it's not working. And her advice was, stop doing therapy. You're reliving your, like, anxiety and trauma that you had with this situation over and over and over again by force.

Like, you out use the benefit. You know, carrots are healthy, but you eat enough of them. You turn orange. I was turning orange by over-therapizing myself. I would have to go to hospital. You drank too much water? That I had to go to hospital. Because of that?

No, you just said that carrot analogy. I thought, this has happened to me. No, no, I was very interesting. Sorry, you would do a great idea. My therapy is much less interesting than your water. Okay. Come on. Tell me about the water. This episode is brought to you by Square. You're not just running a restaurant.

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Because when you're doing big things, Your tools should to. Visit square.ca to get started. I was dead by my mates to drink 14 cups of water when I was like 12 and we just kept drinking water. As a joke? As a joke, yeah. And then I just kept going and I drank like 14 of these about 30 minutes. And then my mum came to pick me up and I was blue. So we went to the hospital and I just sat.

You had like electrolyte abnormality? I don't even know what it was. But they were like, that could have fucked up your brain if you had a bit more. And I was like, oh, geez. Again, I'm remembering that I was quite young. I mean, that wasn't that long ago. Yeah. Well, 12, eight years ago.

Oh, yeah, when you say it like that? Yeah, it wasn't like that? Oh, man. That's quite a long time. I started my YouTube channel eight years ago. Wow. I was in hospital drinking loads of water. Yeah, a massive weed, I say.

But that's what I can happen. So basically, your body's electrolytes, decide everything. Because your muscles work off of electrolytes, your nerve firings work off electrolytes. And when you throw that balance off, whether by consuming too much, too little electricalites, or adding or removing a ton of water that can dilute things and obviously you had some kind of medical condition happen as a result do you know what the medical term for over drinking water is stupid um not very that more latin oh uh water drink co not latin not spanish possibly no no it's polydipsia oh wow that's fun isn't it

do you know what the um when you're going to the bathroom too much you're peeing too much called What? I do. Hyperactive bladder. Oh, okay. That's fair. Yeah. I was going to say polyurea, but.

Yeah. I also, yeah. You also peed a lot? Still. Still? I've peed loads. Oh, you have hyperactive bladder. Why don't we go through my medical?

Yeah, tell me medical history. Pretend I just walked in. Hi, I'm Dr. Varshowski. Pleasure to meet you. Mike. Tommy. Tom, in it. Tom, in it.

Tom, in it. And date of birth to verify two patients. 9th of April 2004. 9th of April 2004. Oh, my God. Hold on a second. second four days yeah i'm 20 in four days wow well i thought you oh i saw a tictock that you said you was turning 20 in a month and i assumed we're already here yeah i think i got that day wrong

oh so that i blame you um okay so in four days happy early birthday if you make it despite all the earthquakes and everything that's yeah trying to set you off your path um now that i have two patient identifiers please tell me your medical history well uh i had sepsis when i was young That was pretty bad. Bacterial infection. Yeah, but that's the bad one, isn't it? Yeah, going through the blood. Yeah, yeah.

So I had that from a little cut in my knee. And then they nearly got me, but they saved me. They? It was all right. Sepsis. I don't know why I called sepsis. They nearly got me. Oh, the bacteria.

Yeah, yeah. That was quite scary, I think, for my parents. I was pretty out of it because I had sepsis. And then... Were you in shock? Septic shock? I don't know. It came in through my leg, and then I remember going to bed one and I'm being like,

my leg hurts. And she, as all British moms do, said, go to bed. Good advice, usually. I went, all right, mum. And I woke up. I go, oh, mum, I don't think he says, all right. And then she went, oh, shit.

And then we went to the doctor, and they went, Jesus Christ. Was it septic arthritis? Like, did it go into the joint? It was like there. I got me cool or something. And then it just... Yeah. The bacteria threw a party. I broke my collarbone once. So I still have that little lump there.

Okay. How did that happen? Outstretched hand, fall? I fell off a hammock onto mud, but it hadn't rain for a month in England, so it was like rock hard, and I just landed funny. It was like, it was like this high off the ground. So would you consider yourself fragile? Yeah. I have a very like, uh, like, low pain tolerance. Like when people punch you, there was a judge, they do that to me and I go, stop, because I hate it. That's weird because you said you'd beat up Logan Paul. Oh, that was, yeah, I'd like to just threaten. Oh, okay. How come you haven't threatened us? I kind of

feel offended. Oh, I've had no need to threaten you, but you've been so pleasant. Oh, I would have liked it. Oh, well, I just can't. Maybe if you, you know, really aggravate me, I could start threatening. But I was a younger boy then, you know. I was just threatening everyone all the time. And now I understand that I will get beat up. Yeah, yeah.

And then the other collar phone is at risk. Yeah, because of my low pain tolerance and sepsis. And then, uh, yeah, nothing else really major happened until like, um. Well, you were hospitalized for the polydipsyia. That, I think that was post-sepsis. this pre-collar bone. Okay. And then there was,

um, my, balls. That was like two months ago. Is that how you refer to them generally? Yeah. Yeah, so I woke up one morning at 8 a.m.

And, you know, in YouTube land in Brighton, everyone else gets up at 1 p.m. So this is everyone else is equivalent like 5 a.m. Wow. And I woke up and I went,

somebody's off. Oh, instant. Yeah, and I like moved. I sleep naked. Because I was all, oh,

as all great men do. Is that true? Yes. Why? Because it's comfyer. Oh. Like more circulation of air? Well, I've never deeped it, but I suppose there is more air down there.

Okay, fair. And then I sort of moved, and I went, oh, I set it off. And I moved and went, it was so painful. I didn't like scream. I just sort of went. And the paint was in the testicular area. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was.

And I went, oh, God. And then I went, hang on, is it my balls? And then I touched my balls and went. what's going through your mind in that moment pain primarily but are you worried are you like I think it only lasted about like a minute oh and then it resolved

well it lasted about a minute and I was like oh my god this is horrible and this it was really like probably the most painful thing I've ever had and then it sort of slowed down and I googled what happens if your balls feel intense pain and I went and it's basically a bad

and I went shit so I rang at 1-1-1 which isn't in England there's 9-1-1 which is 9-09 here no the other way around I think other way around and then in England there's 1-1-1 which is like hey I think some it's up I'm gonna ask you because we have the NHS that's cool yeah so 9-09 is like give me the ambulance I'm dying and then 1-1-1-1 is like help

and it's always available so I ring up 1-1-1 I go hey it's all right and they go absolutely not and I go oh all right then Were you living with your parents at the time? So this, and this is the thing. No, everyone was out.

And I was living by myself. It was only two months ago. I moved out when I was 17. And I was like, oh my God. Oh, okay. This is my first step of, like, any other time I'd ring my girlfriend and wake up my room. Oh, my God. I'm not getting that.

What is the other one? Should we evacuate? It just says earthquake. Remain is. indoors. Well, we're not going anywhere. Okay, so I ring up them, they go, this is bad, and I go, all right, so I make myself some eggs, and it's...

Wait, you're making eggs while you're... Well, I'm moving very slowly, and I'm really hungry, and I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital, but I'm well hungry. You weren't nauseous. No, but, like, I was, like, moving quite slowly. Gingerly. So, um, I do that, and I get the... I get an Uber to the hospital.

Before you go to the hospital. It's really calm down in the next time of it. Oh, it still hurts, but I'm like, okay, it's calm down. Something's there. If you had to call only... one YouTuber, who would you call in that moment? I'll probably, I'm trying to think he lives closest to me. So it would be a proximity thing, not who's going to give the best advice?

You wouldn't call Logan Paul. I love you. But what fucking YouTuber is going to give me advice when I'm having testicular torsion? My guy, you told me the best advice you got was from Logan Paul. Yeah, not about testicles. I wasn't asking him ball advice. Life testicles. Life testicles.

Are you on drugs? I tell you what? Before, I probably would have gone, Dr. Mike, the doctor YouTuber. Now I'm even doubting that. Why? Because you just... You got life advice from Logan Paul, who you assumed and said yourself

that that's a weird person to say that they're giving the best advice. Sure. And now, you're saying I would never call him for testicle advice. Yes Interesting Because Life advice And testical advice isn't medical

I didn't He wasn't giving me medical life advice He was giving me more sort of Slight guidance Fair I'm gonna Retract what I said earlier about not challenging to fight you Mike Because you just

I'm gonna pretend that that didn't happen Fair I'm gonna move All right, so you're not calling Logan Paul. I'm not calling any YouTube. I'm calling a fucking ambulance. Okay. You did it.

You made some eggs. I questioned all of your decisions. Yeah, because I was hungry. Yeah. That's weird. It calmed down. It calmed down by this point. And so I had my two minutes of pain.

I put on some joggers. It probably was these joggers, actually. And then I sort of made a few eggs. Went to the thing. They said, I think they said something like, I remember now. I'm like, don't eat when she get to the hospital. So I was like, oh, well, I'm really hungry. So I'm just going to scound a bit now.

Made some eggs. ate them. You know, not poached or anything. Just, just sunny side of. Easy to make eggs. So you weren't quick. Yeah, yeah. I wasn't putting herbs on them.

It was just eggs. Do you normally do that? No, to be fair. And I should, because I have the herbs just there, but I always just rush. I'm always just so hungry. Okay, so you got to the hospital. That's another problem, isn't it?

What's that? But I don't cook eggs very well. Well, I find it ironic that when your testicles hurt, you made eggs. Why? You failed to see the connection on that one? Oh, I see it. Oh, that's cruel.

I've put it together in my head now. Well, that's horrible. That's the medical mind in me. All right, so you get to the A&E, as they call it. I get to the A&E. Why do you call it a A&E? I get to just a hospital, accident and emergency. Oh.

Yeah. Teaching me? I think, I think. And then I get to hospital, and I go, hey, and I go, hey, here's what's happened. And I sort of start at the bottom of the ranks of the hospital. make my way to the top. So I go, hey, this has happened. And they go, why are you sat in reception for an hour? And I go, well, I don't know. Because here's the thing

about Brisbane. We love queuing. I want to just sort of sit in a line like, in intense pain. And they go, why are you sat here? And I go, oh, all right. You go, see this doctor now? And I go, oh, all right. So I go, so I go set outside for a bit longer like that. And then they call me in. He goes, right then Tom. Let's have a fiddle. Did he fiddle first? Or he goes, what's happens? So there's a second time time. over there, go, you need the balls,

and then he goes, all right, let's have a little fiddle. He has a little fiddle. I go, hmm, and then he says, right,

look, kid, it's probably fine now. Seems like they're temporarily untwisted, but this means you're prone to twisting, and if it has twisted,

your balls, what your right testicle could be dying. And I go, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on,

mate. When was the death of balls on the tape? When was I even possible? And he goes, it's possible. It's possible from a twist. You can,

your balls can die, aren't they? Yeah. It's a sad situation called testicular torsion. Yeah, and he goes, look, mate, you've been torsions and I'm worried that your ball is dying right now. We need to save it. At this point, part of my brain thinks, well, this has gotten a lot more exciting and the other part of things, bologues. I'm not going to have it anymore. At any point, did you think you should vlog? Uh, no, I think I wrote a diary entry going, hey, this isn't good. That's what I do when it's not time to vlog when I need to get my thoughts down. Oh, okay. I thought, Hey, guy.

Just let you know. I'll see if I still have it. Oh, that'll be good. Was it a letter to your testicle? I wrote, Tom Simon's in the GP. Hello. Woke up this morning with excruciating right ball pain.

And now? And then it was a dash. Oops. Just got called into the little room where they see me. They said I got to see a GP. Ugh. Good. It's getting sorted, though.

Just hope I'd get home in time for therapy. Otherwise, the day will have been interrupted. This is terrible. that was my the extent of my diary it was all I felt the need to write down and then you were sedated

and going for surgery I think I have a photo of me I think it attached with him it's pretty good you look quite happy yeah well you got to see the joy in things that's what you said

he told you that you know it's a problem he says yeah your balls might be dying here's what we're going to do we don't have a ball department here so we're going to send you up in an ambulance to Hayward's Heath

hospital which is 40 minutes away and I go you're taking the All right, all right. So he goes, we're going to put you in an ambulance. And I'm getting a bit of imposter syndrome. I'm thinking, right, put me in, little old me in an ambulance just because of balls?

He says, yeah. And so I go, all right. And I get in. Are your parents with you at this point? No, it's still quite early in the morning. So I'm sort of the only one awake. And I'm sort of like, okay, I guess I'm on my own. So I'm solo mission.

So I go up and get in this ambulance. I have a chat with a driver for ages. And I'm sort of like, because he goes, they might have to do like emergency surgery today. I'm like, oh, I've never had surgery before. I don't really want that. So I'm in this ambulance for a while. I have a chat with this ambulance guy who's sort of just like chilling

and we have a long chat about Scorsese. Because I was telling him that I was trying to remain quite calm. So we have a long chat. I tell him a bit about YouTube and shit. And then I get to this new place. They send me up to see the ball doctor. And then the ball doctor.

And I go in this room. There's a woman. She goes, look, mate, we're going to have to do ultrasound are your balls. I go, all right. And then I realize what that means. So, what is it? What is it? Well, she puts all the ultrasound jelly on my balls and she starts prodding around. I'm thinking, can my life get any worse? Turns out it can. And then two more guys into the room and they go, oh, mate, what's happened? And for now, for the eighth time this morning, I'm explaining to them the story that I woke up at hey, I made my eggs. I go, why did you

make the eggs? Like, I don't, you know at this point. And then they go, all right, let's have a look. And I go, they have a little fiddle. And then they go, they go, they go. and then as she's doing the ultrasound on a quite remarkably large screen like this, on my there to there a huge image of my testicles start showing of the insides of my testicles which to this moment prior I've never seen

and all of these sort of doctors are stood around like this staring at this big image of my balls and I burst out laughing because this is all gone too funny now because there's all these people stood staring at the insides of my balls

on a huge monitor thinking I just thought this is ridiculous And that is when I started vlogging and I started filming that because I thought this is This is very This is intensely amusing And they all looked at me Quite like that

And I thought all right So I stopped vlogging But I have about 10 seconds of footage on my phone I'm more than I've done to show you At theory testicle Yeah yeah And what conclusion did they drop from looking at your giant testicle Look and out the medical conclusion

Look you ball hasn't died However Your right ball's slightly bigger That's the first thing I thought brilliant And then he goes But you are I was just a pert. That wasn't even necessary for the story.

I just a brag. Yeah. And then they go, yeah, so you're actually prone to, you have a, a summit, dodgy sperm or canal. And you're more prone to testicular with torsion. I go, well, this isn't good, is it because I'm going on tour. And he goes, right, well, what one we need to do is give you a bit of surgery. And I go, oh, shit.

Probably to lock that testicle. So I go, oh, great. So I don't know. A few months go by, and I go. Well, how was the surgery? Oh, you waited. Yeah, so a few months go by, England. So a few months go by, and then they go,

I go in, sort of the pre-op of the surgery where they get this. They have another, the guy that's going to do the surgery, has another fiddle, and then they explain to me on it. So I go in, and he has another fiddle. Another guy now, and explain to him, you know, made the eggs. And then he goes, you know, so here's what we're going to do. We're going to fix your balls, really easy surgery, 30 minutes long. And I go, oh, great.

And then, Dr. Mike, I made the worst decision I have ever made in my life. in my life to this point. More so than drinking all that water. I look at this doctor and go. Yeah, but what actually is the surgery? Oh. And I won't use words to describe this, but he goes.

A sort of... Motion. And he uses words. Now, Mike, to admit to you, I get very panicky about body stuff, especially with assholes, but also, as I found out, with balls. So I go outside and I am now really freaking out.

When I get really overwhelmed by body horror stuff, I have to start taking off my clothes to cool down. So I'm sort of in a T-shirt, in winter, pacing around. Now on the phone on my parents, going, I'm really worried around my balls. And they go, what? But I am. And so I'm pacing around, like, nearly having a breakdown.

I can't do this. I really start imagining. I'm like a Pokemon going into the Pokemon zone. They're going to heal me. but I'm really freaking out. I go home and I calm down and my mum goes, you know, if you think about giving birth,

that's horrible, so just don't think about it. So I go, okay. And then finally, the day for surgery comes around. I've just been to the June 2 premiere last night, so we go. And is this what,

I'm not been rambling for too long, have I? No, I like that. I like the detail. Thank you. I really am. Really going into excruci. And then you can analyze, and I'm excited.

So I go to this, um, uh, this, At this point, I go private for the hospital because I need to get the surgery before, before tour, or I don't want to be able to do the tour. I'm never going to let down.

The guy's also, I'm a billionaire, I'm incredibly rich, so I go, okay, we'll go. I'll try to stay humble too. I love that you said shout out NHS, and then you went, I went private. Shout out NHS until, you know. Until I actually need to do it. No, no, no, no, no.

The NHS is. Clip it! They healed my sepsis. They healed my collarbone. But the balls were just going to be too precise of the surgery. So then I go Sorry, I just hear the police I'm sorry, so I'm coming for the boss

Okay, I wouldn't want that So, yeah, I go in And I sit in my down for a few hours And I can't eat any food or anything So guess what I have that morning? Eggs. Yeah, yeah You love your eggs.

I do, they're very feeling, I really needed them. And so they go, right, surgery day, and I'm really panicking because I don't like this sort of thing. And then they yeah they sort of come in and like over hours go by it's like four hours till the surgery

I'm starving, can't drink water as well was really bad and finally they send me away from my dad and I'm going upstairs I'm like shuddering like a dog and a vet like freaking out and I go upstairs and there's these three doctors who are lovely and they go right we're going to put you under they line me on the thing and I'm saying out of there I've slightly got my balls out and then because I'm really panicking

I start going you know whenever I'm panicking I think about Star Wars I think about, and it turns out all these doctors are also really in the Star Wars, they're like 40, 50 year olds. So we also are having a big conversation about Star Wars. Now up to this point, it's been this really serious doctor. It came downstairs to me earlier. He told me when they put the thing in and tried to send me to sleep, they're going to do that, and I said,

if I really wanted to, could I try and stay awake? And he went, you can try, but you will fail. And I went, you know. So this is a really serious doctor. It's the serious doctor in these two. And two of them, we started having a big conversation about Star Wars while I'm sort of lying on a bed with my testicles out. one of them doctors no offense to him

it's quite a large bogey there and to this point I still worried that that didn't drop out for well they have a mask for the surgery that's true yeah that's true that comes this me a lot but I am sure that was a not the nicest

because you're like if he's doing that what else is he doing that that was not the nicest last thing sure to see so finally they go oh yeah I love the prequels and the really serious doctor turns around and goes

you love the prequels Padamon menace almost ruined the law. And when he's having this really intense and I'm like, I was entirely forgot by the surgery. And while he's doing this, he's so into the prequals, he sort of puts something and he goes, by the way, I've put in the sleep serum. And I got, hack them, what the fuck? And then, I see he goes, count now

from 10, like, I go, but, I'm invested in the Padam. And I've all asleep. And then I wake up, first thing you remember is, I'm in this room with the line of doctors, and I just start telling jokes. And they're all laughing, but I can't remember what I said. And to this day

I'm still a bit worried But yeah I say some shite And then I come downstairs And I'm very like that And then for the next day Whenever I move It feels like I can get punched in the balls

That was horrible That's not a fun Then I have another two days of rest And then the tall rehearsals start So it really wasn't that long ago Wow It was about a month and a week ago Wow

Did you have to wear supportive underwear Oh yeah I did I had to wear my jock strap And it was not nice But it did feel like I was always getting a little hug yeah that's interesting i've never heard it described as such no yeah no so what you know there's my my ball story for you that's in more depth the carrie than ever told you say the right testicle

the bigger testicle bigger yeah and um i'll tell you some fun facts about testicular torsion thank you so much because it most commonly happens in those age 12 to 18 that's good yeah like 65 percent of the cases we're in the boat together and the reason why we suspect that it happens that ways, because during puberty, the testicles gain weight. And when they gain weight, they can twist. And actually, there's some people, I don't know if they, did they, you got one fat ball. I got one really fat ball. But now it's locked in. Yeah, now it's fine. It's a good weight. Yeah. There is actually a deformity that can happen that predisposes folks to having testicular torsion called a bell clapper deformity.

You wouldn't feel that bad for anyone I had a bell clapper, would you? You know what I mean? Stupid. They didn't tell you that. No, I don't have the bell clapper. Okay, good. I wouldn't, I wouldn't be on this podcast

if I had the bell clapper. I wouldn't have the honor to discuss my bell clapper. Well, honestly, the bell clapper deformity is just the testicle kind of lies horizontally. So that makes it more likely. Like, its attachment isn't great. So it's fron. Yeah.

It's kind of a fun unique. Kind of a fun. But not if you get to sigyl or tersion. Painful unique thing. Yeah. So, and the reason. they do the ultrasound is to see if there's blood flow going to the testicle. Yeah. And

the testicle, the reason why it dies is because when the testicle wraps itself around the vein, it starts getting swollen, edematous, that cuts off arterial blood supply and it chokes itself out. That's why we consider testicular torsion or pain

in a testicle, especially in a young person of your age in an emergency. And that's why 1-1-1 told you to call 9-99. It was not... I'm glad they did. I felt very seen. I wish they didn't tell you to eat. Or I wish they told you not to eat. They did tell me.

Oh, they did. But you were like, I stole one eggs. No, that's why I had the eggs. Because when you get to the hospital, you can't eat. Oh, got it. So then... Do you know why they tell you not to eat? Because surgery is shit yourself, in it?

Is that not why? Is that actually, is that not? Is that I sort of assumed that was small. You judged me for the Logan Paul Ball thing? Is that not why? Because in surgery, you shit yourself. And? I don't know.

I'm not a doctor. But what's... Like, if you shit yourself, what? Well, poo in there? It's not nice. I mean? and you think they take it that seriously they're like eight hours

God forbid you shit yourself okay well why don't they want me to eat then because it's a bit of gross poo now I'm saying out loud to you I am like that is possibly slightly um because when you have something in your stomach

right before the surgery when you're asleep you can't protect your airway therefore if you vomit you could actually have the vomit enter into the lungs because that's actually done it's breaking bad in it um I don't know

Oh, okay. Sorry. I watch like seasons one through three. Spoiler for you there, by Jane, but sorry. Is that your favorite show? No. What's your favorite show? All time.

Probably the Office U.S. community or a rest of development. Okay. But back, yeah. Both shows that I haven't really long. Yeah, back to the balls. Wow. So, okay, so your ball's twisted. They untwisted themselves.

That's pretty impressive. Actually, you know, in areas where they don't have a murraying. emergency surgery available. Urologists, which you aptly named ball doctor, they can actually do some techniques to unwind the ball. So did they do that for you? No, thank God they did. So just self-unwind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just that. I'm just up there with that way. Yeah, I was thinking really hard about Mr. Beast's advice and then my ball unwound. That's a good way to put it. Thank you. Okay, so you're going to do your tour today. You have two functional balls. And by the way, if your testicle did wrap around and for whatever reason, either during surgery or it was a longer period of time,

because after like 24 hours, even if you unwind it surgically, there's like only 10 to 20%, zero to 20% chance that testicle is still functional. So there's a world where they take the testicle out. And even if they do, you're still good. Yeah. You could live with one testicle.

Can I have babies? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, but I like them both. I'm not encouraging. you to take one out. Oh, you named them? Yeah.

Which one was the big one? Steve. Why? I don't know, man. It's just a big name, isn't it? Is it? Steve. Kind of seems mid.

Have you played Minecraft? No. Well, the main guy's called Steve. Tell me about Minecraft. What's Minecraft? It's a huge variety in this podcast. We go from balls to Minecraft to balls. What's Minecraft?

Yeah. So I'll give you my knowledge of Minecraft, and then you'll educate me because I've educated you a little bit on torsion. Sure. What is the main reason that 12 to 18 year olds

get the torsion? Let me throw a question back at you. Okay. Before we talk about Minecraft. Okay. All right. I don't like butt stuff. You don't like.

Thinking about arsoles really freaks me out. Why does, oh, butt stuff? Yeah. Okay. Why does it freak you out? Because one time,

and I've never seen one, someone described to me what on anal prolapses and it's freak me out badly since. Interesting. Is that have to do with, what's his name, Howie Mendel when he posted? I didn't see that video, no.

But you're aware of it. I am aware, and I didn't see. It was when I was in school. But I still, to this day, and I usually get very panicky about ball stuff, but then the surgery happened, and I'm no longer panicky about it. But the butt stuff you are. Yeah, it really does. Well, the stuff happens with it, you know?

You can get an anal fissure, you can get a hemorrhoid, you can get a thrombose hemorrhoid, which would be quite painful, lots of blood. What? Yeah. You don't. Okay, just always. But what was the question? You said you were going to ask me a question.

Well, I was just going to ask how I can get over my fear. But then you made me more fearful. So now I feel. I feel like you might have been the worst person. Do you ask about this? The way we move away from phobia is through desensitization, where we start with just saying the word butt. And then we get you comfortable with that.

Cool. What if I show you a picture of a butt? Not the anus, just the buttock. That would be fine. Okay. Then I'll ask you to hold the picture. We'll see. And you see we just stepwise,

get to the point where you feel comfortable. And then you're going to show me an anal prolapse. That's boss level. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I don't know what bosses are in Minecraft, but I was going to make the Minecraft. So the end of dragon is, the end of dragon is the anal prolapse. The new Bimo, V.I. Porter MasterCard is your ticket to more.

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Oh, no. This is terrible. Okay, so the End of Dragon is the anal-prolapse. Were you confused when we reached out to have you on the podcast? I'm currently. Okay. So the end of the dragon is the anal-dragons.

dragon is the anal prolapse and then the the the is there a mid boss because that could be the testicle the wither that could be steve no the wither the wither the wither but what about the steve steve is the who you play us ah you are steve yeah so the wither would be like an asshole like the actual hole itself and then it becomes the endo dragon ender dragon yeah which would be the i just really wish i wasn't so free tell about it but that it's a good yeah well now you can think about it as a minecraft thing and maybe that takes something fear away. Yeah.

Besides the anal prolapse thing, what is your therapist and you, what was your major discovery? Oh, that's so many. Therapy's been sick for me.

Yeah. About anxiety, about, um, about mental health, about how people work, about communicating, about,

let's do something very targeted because we're limited on time. If you had to go back to yourself pre-therapy, so in September, 20, 21, you're talking to yourself,

you're anxious, and you did it, you were a disbeliever, in therapy at the time. Because you said, why do I need that? Well, he wasn't even disbelief. I didn't think I needed it. Yeah. Yeah. What do you tell yourself right now at that point? Pretend I'm you.

Get therapy. What? Sell me on it. Why? I think it'll make you a lot happier. To me, the best description I have in therapy is imagine you have your problems and then there's just layers and layers of like dirt and shit on top of them. Therapy cleans away all of that dirt. So you still have your problem. It's still there and there's still problems. But you can actually

look at them clearly and begin to solve them and put an effort. I love solving problems, um, as opposed to just sort of worrying around doing stupid shit because you're anxious. Um, that's really, a really good picture. So I think it's really helpful. I wouldn't use that with my patients. Huh? I wouldn't use that with, no, fair, but I guess they're not, are they meant to have patients? They're not worried about, you know, problem. Yeah, no, sure. Okay, so you got that takeaway. You learned that therapy is very useful. Yeah. What strategies did you learn that work well for you? Um, uh, there's a sick one called like the wheel. Well, apparently there's like 10 things in it that make up your life.

So there's like, uh, your relationships. Uh, there's like intimate relationships, friendships, family, physical environment, relationship with yourself, exercise. I can't remember the rest of it's 10. And you go through them and you just out, you go 1 to 10, uh, how you feel about it, like instinctively right now. So sometimes it would be like a 10 and it's sick. So it's like a 4 and then you do that and it suddenly becomes clear,

Oh, okay, the reason I'm miserable isn't because I'm terribly anxious about the one thing. And I've been sat thinking about this in 10 hours. It's because I haven't gone on a walk for two days. So it allows you to zoom out? Yeah, it gives you perspective. A holistic picture. And that's all I really want, I think, is perspective. Because I think it's the best thing you can get from stuff.

Do you ever do any of like the three positive things at night or any of these like gratitude letters? Um, no, I've heard about them. I've tried it. And I've been like, yeah. But you prefer the more zoom out perspective, rational thinking. Yeah, I don't have a massive problem with, I think I'm quite grateful, John. I think I'm, because I'm around my parents and all of my mates, you know, my best mate lives 45 seconds away from me.

And growing up, he lived 45 seconds away from me. My roommate is my mate from school when I was 12, who I've known since I was like four. We became mates in school because we just kept having to sit next to each other. Like my girlfriend, I just met in Brighton. She's not like an internet. But like my parents are still, like I don't really struggle with being grounded or grateful on us because all the people around me are, just keep me in check. No, that's good, though.

They keep you humble. Yeah, yeah, they do. Bastards. But yeah, yeah, I think I'm more sort of how to deal with, like, anxiety and relationships and, like, not, you know, going in a direction. I don't want to go. Yeah, it's better to have control. I would say that's a good way to put therapy.

Yeah, that's a sick way to put in it. And I think learning that anxiety is when things are out of your own needs or when you're not feeling in control was really helpful if you can go hang on what shit I actually need to do I think it's made me

a much more balanced person because I remember in COVID I would some days I'd wake up and check my daily sub count that day and if it wasn't 10,000 or above

I'd feel depressed that day and now the idea of doing that is like what the and some of the advice I would give 15, 16 year old me is like mental and I'll look back and I'm like

you know man go on a walk like go sit in a field and get drunk like be happy like you know do you think success in terms of

subs, finances, does that drive happiness? I think money can potentially open up more opportunity stuff, but I don't think for me and my lifestyle is who I want to be, it does know.

I think personal like fulfillment does. So things that I want to do that mean a lot to me, really, really do. And it's been difficult sort of recognizing as that changes over the years. Like, I've never watched back my color and Samir interview

because I'm just like, I was like so obsessed with YouTube at the time. And now I'm like, oh, hell, shut up. I'm just not, you know, I still think it's sick that people are, but it's just not me anymore. I can't watch it back because I'm so intense. I'm like, I'm like just. But that's good.

Why are you judging yourself so harshly in that? I just, like, you're going to have phases in your life what you're excited about one thing. You might look back 10 years from now and be like, why was I so obsessed with stand-up comedy? Oh, yeah, but it's making people laugh, in it? No, you're right. I guess I'm a bit hard on myself,

is probably one of my flaws. Why do you think you're hard on yourself? Um, I think I, uh, uh, why do I think I'm hard on myself? I already know. I think I've always been very, like, happy with where I am

and wanting to go further and very aware of the situation that I'm in and how brilliant it is. And so I've always just wanted to keep, like, pushing myself and keep doing as as good as I can, but I sometimes forget to, I've just sort of lose perspective about anything, so I sort of get in my own little world where it's only sort of me in it. And I forget that, like, I'm actually, I can slow down a little bit or, you know, that. I don't know. Um, I think, does that make sense?

Like, I just sort of lose perspective. I don't have enough, I don't think I have much perspective. I mean, you're young. You got to give yourself some credit. I forget that. that I don't think I'm very good at giving myself credit but I yeah I just sort of get very zoned in a thing and then forget to give myself any credit about anything but also like over the past years I've like over the past year have gone like intensely into movies and I go to the cinema

like two times a week and watch a film and that is to me that is like my religion like I just love films it gives me like such a understanding of perspective and the human condition and the world and everything I think I'm saying that right human condition but um that has really helped me watching those of films. I mean, good films. I mean, even watching bad films,

I think there's value in there. Of knowing what not to do. There really is. Yeah, there really is. Because even the worst films, someone's had to spend so much time on an effort. Exactly.

Someone loved it. I think you have to give yourself credit. You've experienced a lot at such a young age. Throughout the whole process, you manage to stay grounded. You have a good support system. Your close friends are still your close friends. Your family's still your family.

It's very easy to go to Child Star route and think you're better than everyone. and throw your parents' advice away and say, I know better, look how successful I am. I make more than you. These things happen. This is the reality of things. To be sorry, I'm better than everyone.

Mostly am I. No, sure. Yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry, go. And it's true that you've had that journey and you've grown a lot from it. I mean, just getting piled on by millions of people is hard. You've even gone through difficult moments.

I know you were pretty close with Technoblade and going through that. Was that a moment of growth? or changing perspectives. Yeah. Yeah, that wasn't great. Yeah, how was that? Yeah, that was, I mean, that was very tough. Like, because I sort of suddenly was like, oh, this is.

I think when you grow up, I think it's sort of in a bit of a bubble of like, this is all fine and we'll always stay like this. And then someone dies and you go, oh, bollocks. I think that's made me a lot less upbeat about the world. Really? Yes. How so? as a person of those comedy it's hard to see you as not upbeat

I think a lot of comedy's not upbeat I think a lot of comedy comes from I've found I'm usually the funniest one I'm the most miserable which is a horrible thing to think but it's usually when you want to make people laugh the most because you're just not feeling it yourself and the more I've sort of found that in stand-up comedy I'm like yeah I've wrote so much stand-comity about that

because it's such a strong feeling I have but yeah I find uh sorry what was your question about you not being upbeat after the Technobled situation. Yeah, you should live in the world and,

you know, I've had, like, grandparents dying, like dogs die of old age and then when someone dies and they're just like, not meant to,

and he's like, it doesn't make any sense and I can't, like, there's no reason to it. I don't get it. You know, was just like,

oh, okay, I'm going to die. This is, this is like, you know, he can't make any more YouTube videos,

can't do anything. So that really made me go, oh, this, I'm just gonna get on with it. Pedal to the metal. And I'm like, I don't know.

It's really, I think it's still really altering my perspective. I mean, I'm not really talked about it in this sort of way, but like, yeah, I just think that was, I don't know,

I think such a young age to sort of go through that, you know, like my mum's like 40 and she's, watch people die, but never anyone sort of before their time. So I think that was quite a monumental experience to go through

at my age. And, uh, yeah, it's still really shit, it's still really hard. Like sometimes I wake up and be like, oh,

that's happened. Like, I don't think I've really got it around my head properly because it is just, I met his dad a few. It's quite fresh at the moment because I met his dad and saw the room where he passed and stuff and that was like, because I never met him. So that was like, oh, no, you know, he was just like, because to me, Tentaddle Blay was a Minecraft YouTube

but I always looked up to him as my mate and I just called this got sick of Minecraft. And you see his room, you're like, oh my God. This is real? He was just a kid like me with the same family. And I just was like heartbreaking. So yeah, just makes you realize that the world's really, like, that made me realize, okay, this is not fair,

I'm going to make the most out of this, because there's no, these sort of rules that you put in place of like, yeah, you know what, like, I got here because of this, and there's a sick. So it was just like, okay, no, we're just, everyone's just trying to get by. I don't know. It's probably not the most upbeat.

I mean, it doesn't have to be it. It's life. Like, you said this podcast has a lot of variety to it, because life has a lot of variety to it. So I think that makes it more real. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. How'd you meet his dad? How did that? His dad made a video about him, and then he used TechNos Discord account to reach out to his close friends.

And I wanted to, I didn't even think, I didn't even know if his dad would reach out to any of us after the video. And I was really just wanted to say, like, one word thanking him. And then he did reach out, and I sort of helped him through some stuff. And then we became really, really close friends. And we speak quite a lot. And then he's just YouTube now, and I help him a bit with that. But he's just one of the, like, best people ever. Like, he's, I look up to him so much. Yeah.

It really puts things in perspective for you when you experience such a heavy loss at an unexpected time that makes it worse. Yeah. It's like a punch you don't see coming. Yeah, it's like more than a punch. Like, you sort of think you've gone. I think it's it. You sort of think you've gone through punches in your life.

And you sort of think that you've gone through shit. And then something like that happens. You go, oh, no. And I remember as well, to link back to live performing, the day. So I found out of Teno had died. Then, like, three days went by. And then it was my first ever show for 2,000 people.

And I was like, it was the morning of the show, eight hours before the video came out. You've probably seen where it was like, you died. It was on the most harboring video. First time I saw it was like the hardest morning ever. And I was like, I should probably might want to cancel tonight. I just don't know if I can do this. I sort of pull myself through, listen to a bit of Bruce Springsteen.

It was like, okay, come on, let's come on. And then I really locked in and that, I mean, I think on, you know, doing that first show on that first day. And, you know, when you're on stage, forget about it all. And being like, oh, my God, this is like the worst day ever. And I'm still on stage being funny because this is sick. That kind of really cemented my love for life performing. But in a way I don't always get with YouTube. Like, I love being in the editing software and love doing that.

But, yeah, something about that was like, okay, this is, this is amazing. this is like I'm having quite literally the worst day of my life and yet still here I am and I feel amazing for this two hours just like imagine a world where that hasn't just happened um but yeah man it's shit yeah you seem you strike me as a very old soul despite your young age of 19 you're talking about Bruce Springsteen you're talking about that is my dad's fault I could see your parents influence is quite heavy on you yeah yeah yeah and they're really I don't think I'll be doing any of this moment parents' influences still to this day. And I work loads with my dad and my mum, like all my stand-up

I speak to about my dad, even no matter how crude it is. And my mum helps me loads of my stuff. She's out on, on the tour with me right now. I just came to mind to come to loads of shows. I'm very, very, very, well, I'm an only child and I'm very close to my parents. But yeah, I don't know, I think you know, you're talking about YouTube advice, trying to get

perspective, like, that really gave me it, having him died. Like, real life is going to give you better YouTube advice, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a sad way to think of it's true like a lot of people say like what can I do to make my success better on YouTube or something my advice usually to folks is like live in real life die of cancer well that's uh unfortunately that's what living life means living life means trying stuff failing having loss experiencing fun experiencing highs experiencing lows and then you could bring that to the

art to the camera to the YouTube yeah yeah because without it what are you right yeah I feel like people on social media that get instant success oftentimes struggle with that identity. I'm like, who am I? Why am I successful? Especially if the views fade. Yeah, and it really threw me for like a year. I felt really, really lost. After I died in my work and like everything. But I think over this past sort of six, seven months is really sort of in my first time since where I felt that same sort of, I always like work hard. Like always, I'm just from Nottingham. So I just burned into me and my parents. But like, uh, I felt the same. same sort of like passion and like love and holy shit that's that i've had since he died so and i was

sort of like a bit lost after buffett just before he died and then that really sent me and now i feel like focused for the first time and like you know fulfilled and shit well it's great that you keep him alive in your memory that's all we could really ask for about ourselves so no i do yeah yeah he's a good lad yeah well i want to say we should do a part two the next time something goes wrong radically i love to Yeah, and I'll do some research on anal prolapse phobias. You don't have to. Well. And maybe next time you can give me some advice about Minecraft

because I'd love to learn more. I still don't understand what Minecraft is. I'd love to get over. Yeah, so how about this? Next podcast. Next podcast. I'll help you get over that. I'll be going around prolapse and all the time.

And you'll be playing Minecraft. Yeah, so it'll be great, weren't it? So perfect. All right. Well, thank you. Seriously, man. I'm so much for having me. This has been really fun.

Yeah. Can I plug my tour? Please. But this will probably come out after your tour. So plug the next tour. Oh, really? Yeah. When does it come out?

In a month. Okay. Well, maybe you can come to Cincinnati or Cleveland in a month at tomunit.com, maybe. But if you're in the UK, I'm probably going to do some stand-up shows over the next few years. So come to those. Yeah, YouTube channels, Tommy Unit, so. But he's not really passionate about it. I do.

He's like the YouTube channel. I still love my YouTube channel. I do really love YouTube. All right, good work. Dude, thank you so much. Yes.