The Chris Cuomo Project - Amanda Kloots

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

In this week’s episode of The Chris Cuomo Project, Chris speaks with Amanda Kloots, actor, author, fitness instructor, and co-host of CBS’ “The Talk,” about how she and her family continue to cope with the loss of her husband, Nick Cordero, to COVID-19, her journey from Rockettes dancer to daytime talk show co-host, what her current fitness routine looks like, what it’s like to build a positive social media following, her upcoming holiday film, “Fit For Christmas,” and much more.  Follow and subscribe to The Chris Cuomo Project on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube for new episodes every Tuesday. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Life is not a beautiful journey. It's just not. Who you are comes out of these tough times, that you have to build yourself up when you're on the bottom. Hey, welcome to another episode of the Chris Cuomo Project. Please subscribe. Please follow. Keep spreading that word. We're getting up close around 100,000 followers or whatever they call it on YouTube.

That's cool. But I'd like like 10 times that. Why? Because the whole point of this is to share as much as we can with as many as we can. We're doing well. We could do better. And I need your help for that. Why? Because the whole point of this is to share as much as we can with as many as we can. We're doing well. We could do better. And I need your help for that. And I thank you in advance because you've helped me so much so far. Free agent merch. All right. We're starting to build up the kitty. Here we go. Are you free on the back? Free agent on the front. You saw what just happened in the midterms, right? You are who made a difference in this. They're talking about why there was no way the Democrats are saying good for us. The Republicans are saying, oh, it must be about Trump. They're both missing it. Okay. Those things can be true, but there are multiple

things that can be true. And the big factor were independent voters, free agents. You made a difference in the races that matter. Now, I love it because I believe we are living a moment where regular people, not left and right focused, but reasonable, are starting to assert themselves. I called it a declaration of independence. Ooh, that's not bad, right? D-E-N-T-S, not D-E-N-C-E, obviously. So, I like it. And it's an extension of this free agent concept that I knew was going to come. I didn't know it was going to come this soon, but I'm happy it is.

And I like it because we're focusing on collective struggle and what helps us get to a more progressive, positive place. And that's why I wanted Amanda Kloots to come on the show. You may remember her. Her husband, Nick Cordero, died of COVID. No, not comorbidity. He didn't have anything wrong with him. Guy was an Adonis, okay? He was 6'5", 225, professional dancer, actor, singer. He was phenomenally talented. And it just rocked our world. And Amanda came into our world in that moment. And she's a fitness guru. And, you know, she's about positivity and struggle. And they've got a beautiful little son, Elvis, that was born into that crisis. And she has written a book.

She is now, you know, 2022. That was 2020. She has taken her life in an entirely different direction, empowered by the loss of her husband to make the most of her own life for their son and for his legacy of what was left in this world for her. She is beautiful inside and she projects it to the rest of us. She's now a big shot on the talk at CBS. She's got a movie shot on The Talk at CBS.

She's got a movie coming out for the holidays about Christmas called Fit for Christmas. She's got a kid's book. She's just exploding with all kinds of creativity because she is living her life. And it's a conversation for us to have about how do you change pain into this sense of purpose? Amanda Clutes. The Chris Cuomo Project is supported by Cozy Earth.

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Plus, price is going to vary based on product and subscription plan. Amanda Klutz, it is very good to see your beautiful face once again. Thank you. So good to see you too. Those who get to know you and talk to you knows that the beauty comes from the inside. What you put into the world and what you do with the challenges around you. How is Elvis? How are you doing? Elvis is great. He's three and a half and I couldn't love the kid any more than I do. I'm so blessed. He's just the best little guy. We're a team. We really are.

We bonded so strong, and I love him. Honestly, Chris, I'm doing really great right now. That isn't always the case, but right now, I'm doing really great. Now, that isn't always the case. But right now, like I'm doing really great. Where are you with what you're going to tell Elvis, what you're going to show Elvis as he starts to take on characteristics of Nick and of maybe talent? You know, you're so talented. He was obviously talented. What do you tell him? Well, we've been watching videos of Nick. I mean, thank God Nick was an actor, a performer. It's a benefit to us because we have so much documentation of how he walked, how he talked, how he sang. Such a blessing. So Elvis has been watching videos of his dad since he doesn't even remember. I just made that a part of our day in the house. And we talk about Nick all the time.

And Elvis already does things that are so Nick. Just the other day, he was watching on YouTube the top 10 best drummers in history. And Elvis was sitting there on the couch alone. That's what he wanted to watch. And I was watching him and I was like, you could not be more your father right now. At some point, he's going to come at you and say, Elvis, mom, really? That's what you had to put on my shoulders?

Are you not an Elvis fan? I'm a huge Elvis fan. That's the point. It's like, you know, if the kid wants to sing or something, you've only given the name of one of the greatest, sexiest, most powerful performers in our history, just a little something to live up to. Yeah. Well, you know what? Listen, he was conceived in New Orleans, born in New York City, raised in Laurel Canyon. He had to have a big name. He checks all the boxes.

The name fits him so well. And he loves music. So I couldn't be happier that we named him Elvis. It was my idea. And it took Nick about nine months to join the bandwagon. But he did. And I honestly, I love his name so much. It's a beautiful gift.

It's a beautiful gift. And you do have the opportunity to make his father what he needs him to be. And, you know, the absence of him physically, there's an opportunity in that. Like, you know, Elvis won't have to deal with what my kids do, which is seeing that I am not what I'm telling them to be on a regular basis. You know, you can just stick to the virtues. So your life over the past few years have all been about figuring out how to deal with what life is not really supposed to bring your way, not young like this. And a lot of people were dying from COVID, not like Nick Cordero, not healthy, brilliant performer at the top of his game, young. And we talked about the shock and how just wrong it is, but eventually you had to make it right.

And you've done it like a dozen different creative ways. What do you have coming out of you now that is part of this resurgence of, I got to live life. I got to put some purpose to this pain. What do you have now? Yeah, well, listen, the beauty of death is that it teaches you how to live. It really does. And I always thought that Nick, if he could have talked on his deathbed, he would have told me to just, you better go live your life, like do everything that you possibly can. So I'm trying to honor that. And yeah, one of the biggest things that comes out in a couple of weeks is the first movie that I'm ever starring in. I created and executive produced. It's going to be right here on network television on CBS, December 4th. And it's a Christmas movie that literally Chris, it was

July of 2020, like two weeks after Nick died. I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, of course. And I woke up and at the time, Christmas movies were being played to keep people happy in the middle of July because it was the height of COVID. So I turned on a Christmas movie and while watching it, I was like, I have an idea for a Christmas movie. I've never seen one with a fitness instructor. And part of my world is teaching fitness and I have a fitness company. And I just created a whole movie idea in my head. I put it out on social media that we'll talk about later that I was watching Christmas movies in the middle of the night

because I couldn't sleep and I needed to be happy. And through the powers of social media, I was on a podcast for Hallmark. Throughout the idea that I had a great idea for a movie, got hooked up with a writer. We pitched it to CBS because at that time, I just got hired to be on the talk. CBS loved it and bought it. And we filmed it this summer. It was like literally the biggest dream come true. And we filmed it in Vancouver, Canada. And Nick was from Canada. So it was this crazy thing of being on set, especially Elvis came on set one day because he has a little line in the movie. And I'm standing there in Canada, filming my first movie, holding my son. And I just thought, first movie holding my son. And I just thought, my God, Nick is with us right now. Like what a crazy world when he died. All I did was not all I did, but my only job was running my fitness

company and how life has changed. And now I'm in his country filming my first movie. It was, you know, just crazy. But yeah, that's pretty exciting. Fit for Christmas. I don't get it. We have to get fit after Christmas because unlike you, most people, you know, wind up looking like me, which is even this red shirt, like baby Santa at the end of Christmas. And then we have to get fit. What does fit for Christmas suggest? Fit for Christmas is about a fitness instructor, Audrey Parker, who loves spreading the joy of fitness, which is obviously how I feel about fitness. That if you find something that you love to do, it's not a chore and it's a true privilege to be able to move your body. To be

able to work out, to say, I want to go to the gym is a privilege. I watched my husband lay on a bed for 95 days and I knew that if he could even move his arm, he would be happy. And I can move my arms every day and I just choose not to because I'm lazy or it's cold outside or I'm just not in the mood. Absolutely not. Working out is a privilege. So it is about that. It's about finding that joy.

And Christmas isn't an excuse. You need to work out and move your body every day. My belly isn't listening to you right now. I want you to know it is. Now I'm going to be in your head. The next time you're like, oh, it's cold outside. I don't want to go on a run. You're like that Amanda Clutes, damn her. Luckily, I have enough rolls that are covering the ears of my belly so it doesn't have to hear you. That is very cool. You have been exploding in creativities. You got a book for the little ones called Tell Me Your Dreams. Yeah. What will it do for our kids? This came to me out of just doing a bedtime routine with Elvis. You know, your child goes in and out

of sleep cycles, right? And at this point in time, we had a little bedtime routine. And one night, I just was like, Elvis, do you want me to tell you your dream you're going to have tonight? And he said, yes. And then I just started creating a fantastical dream. And on the dream, he met up with dad. And this routine happened now nightly. Every night, I just started creating a dream where Elvis got to meet up with Nick and go on this fantastical adventure. And I thought, well, gosh, this could be a children's book. What a great way for introducing how you can stay close to somebody you've lost, be it a parent, a sibling, a grandparent, for kids. And also, because I do believe that children's books

are just as much for adults as they are for children, since we are mostly the people that are reading them to our children, I think it's a great reminder to adults that you can dream and you can see people that you've lost and that you love. And how do you like being on the talk? I was surprised by that. Not because you don't have the skills, but you guys keep it fairly positive there. You know, it's not exactly the view, like you don't come loaded for bear every day, but it's still kind of TV and talking about a

lot of things that can take you into the negative zone. What was the motivation there to want to make that move? You got so TV, so depressed about it. Listen, I have the scars, my friend, I have the scar, but I mean, it's different. It's different than what you've done before. There's a performance aspect, obviously, to it. You know who you are, you know what you're about, probably more because of what you've gone through than before. But what's the appeal? Why I love the talk, you know, to be honest, I really wasn't a viewer before I came on to guest co-hosts. And then the minute I sat down in that chair on set and I did my first episode, I fell in love with it. I love the idea that there

were five people on stage. It felt like you were in a living room just having a conversation, especially at that time, because we didn't have our live audience back because it was still COVID. So it was just like five people on a stage having these conversations at a time, Chris, where I was living alone with Elvis, but he was one and a half years old. So not really getting a lot of adult conversation time in. So it was so wonderful to come to a job where I got to get made up and looked pretty and put on a cute outfit and go out on stage and have really nice, fun, laugh conversation with five adults and then get to interview a celebrity that I've either watched my whole life or always wanted to meet. And it just felt like a dream job, like I won the lottery. Plus I live in Los Angeles and

my job is eight minutes from my house. Like it's crazy. So, and I have always been obsessed with studio like lots. I just love studio lots. I think you drive on and you feel like you're back in the 1950s. And it's like my dream. So to come on to this studio lot every day, eight minutes from my house, have these fun conversations, get to laugh. I love to laugh. And so I have a job where I get to laugh every day.

It's a dream. It really is. What's the fitness routine? What are you into right now? Oh, well, I jump rope for 10 minutes every single day. That's a part of my day. Straight? Straight. Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's just while I'm on morning meetings, though. That's just to make sure.

I'm a great multitasker. That's to make sure I did something today. So if nothing else, if I don't have time for anything else, you're a dancer. So I'm not, I pull back how impressed I was. I jump rope a lot, but you know, I'm like a circus animal, you know? So for me to kind of hop up and down and rhythm is impressive, but you're a professional dancer. So it's, it's, it's a little different, but so you do 10 minutes of jump rope, right? That's, that's a really high bar. And then what, what do we do in resistance? And then I love everything. I love boxing. I do boxing once a week.

I have a coach. I do Pilates. I love to weightlift. I try to mix it up every day, but I do the things that I love to do so that I look forward to my workout. So I would never like, I'm not a big runner.

So I would never make my workout running on the treadmill because that sounds like doom to me. So that's nothing that you'll ever see me do. But, you know, and then I'll do my own, you know, fitness routine a couple of times. I have an app. So I love to film videos for the app so that I have new videos on my app. But yeah, I kind of mix it up. I would say though, my favorite thing outside of what I do is boxing. I love it so much. It's so cathartic. I love like losing my mind into a con, you know, combination. I love challenging my speed. I love how like, you know, hitting something is just, it makes you feel good. You think you could defend yourself?

I've always wondered that. I asked my boxing coach that I was like, I haven't gotten a fight. Like would I know what to do? And he was like, I mean, you would know, you would, your body might, your instincts might take over and like your muscle memory might help you out. What's your boxing instructor's name? His name is Max Kurtzman. He's the best. Max is a liar. Okay. And I'll tell you why. It won't come to my benefit. Self-defense is a real thing of intrigue for me. I don't even know. I mean, I work with words for a living and I don't really even know what category I would put it in.

I spent a lot of my life, I'm 52, right? So I'm old and I boxed for a long time. I did ground fighting for a long time. And I realized one day watching a Bruce Lee thing, or maybe I was reading a Bruce Lee thing. There is no such thing as form. There is no such thing as type. Fighting is all about figuring out

what wins in that situation. Now, the next step is self-defense, which is not fighting. Self-defense is not fighting. It's not about stance, rhythm, measuring, tempo, time. It's, I got to get out of here. And if I can't get out of here, you've got to go. And how do you make that happen? And it is 80%, I would say, attitude. You get a little clanging and banging in. You're putting the weights on the bar every once in a while. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I like to mix it up. Like I said,

I find the benefit in doing something different every day. Keep your body guessing. Keep your muscles guessing. I like it. And I'll tell you why. I like that approach because it leads me into people. We're doing well. We're getting a robust following on the podcast. And one of the most common comments I get is, man, on TV, your interviews are like laser beam. And then the podcast, it's like, you're like a broken garden hose. But that's because when I'm talking to people here,

I'm kind of playing along the aspects of what somebody has decided to make important. And that's what they represent to me for my audience. I want people to learn from you that endings can be beginnings. And that's not just because we say it, it looks nice on a card or something that you put on your wall or something you watch and you cry.

And then, you know, you go on with your life, which doesn't include that thing that made you cry. And I like your example. And I like that you have made a decision. You can play big ball or small ball when tragedy hits. You decided to play big ball. One is not better than the other. It's whatever gets somebody through. So you did that by diversifying your talent palette, which is very cool, even though having Rockette on your resume is always what I wanted. So I would have stopped right there. But that's me.

Got a ridiculous flexibility level for my size. And I feel like I'd add some diversity to what people see on stage. There has not been a male Rockette. And you also did that inside. I thought really interesting in the memoir is what you alluded to earlier about death is a reminder of a very, very old truth, which is you've got to live life today like it may be your last day. And not profoundly existential, like when the clock strikes 12, I'm going to go, you know, bad Cinderella. But that that's what losing Nick taught you in one way,

that there are no guarantees, do what you can do. You know, the ancient philosophers referred to it by something called memento mori. And in fact, it launched an entire genre of art that I never understood until I got into stoicism many years ago. You ever see people who are like totally fascinated with skull art?

Yeah. They got the ring that's a skull and they got other things. I used to think it was just like a biker thing or like, you must think you're a badass. But it is actually the symbol of memento mori, which means, remember, you can die. And you have seized upon that. And I definitely, I don't advise people to read a lot of books because most people don't like to read. And if they do like to read,

they got a lot of things to read. But I think what your love for Nick comes across as in the book is atypical to me. Maybe just because I'm a terrible person and I don't know how to love my partner properly, but it is different. And I think that's interesting. And I think that there is a lesson in loss that you pull out for people where to the extent that you can, you stay in the mindset of gain. And I'm saying all that for my audience because that's why I'm talking to Amanda. I'm a fan.

I like you. You won me over with how you lived your pain during that moment. And I'm rooting for you. And I'm happy for everything that you do. So you lose Nick. And everybody is swirling around you because he was like the face of what we're afraid of. Like, here is this beautiful, young, talented guy and COVID takes him. And we're like split down the middle as to whether it's real or not.

That's how you come into our lives. Take me through phases six months after when things started to click into you that started to help you get from the fetal position and just what I got to do for Elvis, what I got to do for me into I'm going to live my life every day. Well, I have to say like six months later, it's still really hard. It was still very, very hard. That was like around the first holidays, which holidays still are really hard. A lot of things start settling in. Closing out accounts and things like businessy things. And it starts feeling like the loss of your person is a business exchange or

something, which is awful. So it's crazy too, because six months later, the supporters, the friends and family, it's not as around you. So you're really starting to have to live on your own and figuring it out on your own and deciding how you're going to handle things on your own. It's really, really, really tough. Honestly, I advise, I say this a lot, like if you have somebody that's gone through a loss, yes, check in with them right away, but also like check in with them at that six months or a year, because a lot of times, especially on a year, people are like, you're okay right now, right? Like it's been a year. You've cried. You're good, right? Everything's good. Everything's looking so good. You're doing so much. Life is great,

right? And it starts to feel like you can't talk about how, no, it just is harder. The pain is more, it's worse. And every day is a challenge. So I don't know, Chris, listen, grief is loss is tough. I say it's an onion. Every time you peel off another layer, be it Elvis starts asking about his dad. Why doesn't daddy live with us? It's another Christmas or another Thanksgiving. It's another layer. And what happens when you tear a layer off of an onion? You cry. It does not go away. It's just how you live your life through it and what you can do to make yourself a stronger person. Because if you don't, they'll eat you alive. How do you do it? I do it in many different ways. And I literally thought about this the other day because I had an incredible therapy session. I have done it by writing about it. I've done it by talking about it. I've done it by sharing it. I've done it by dancing it. I've done it by talking with it to my

son, by writing a children's book, by doing this movie, by writing the screenplay of Live Your Life. All of it is therapy to me. Every time I just decide to take it out of my body, it helps me. It helps me move forward. It helps me be creative. It helps me to talk to more people and talking to more people and sharing my story. It helps you receive information and it helps you feel better. You have to get it out. Odd question. What was the worst advice? Gosh, that is an odd question. I don't know. I can't really think of, you know me, I don't like to focus on negatives. That's why I'm here. I don't know. You and I are opposite sides at the top of the battery.

You're the polar positive, I'm the negative. You know, honestly, like I'll say some super negative advice that I just, you know, I didn't listen to at all because I don't really listen to bad advice. And kind of like you, I do my own thing. Like when I put it out there that I was starting to date again and people were like, how dare you? There's a time on this and you should do, you should, you should, you should, you should, you should. That's terrible advice. You want to hear something that's actually true? Sure.

Every time I go to a place where there is a decent chance that I won't come back and not because I ate yet another bad burrito, I give a letter to my wife, which she hates every time. And we've been together. We will be together like 21 years Thanksgiving. We've been together like 23. Wow. I send her a note every time. And the note is like a real note.

I don't email this shit. It's not a text. This is like a written thing. And my handwriting is terrible. shit. You know, it's not, it's not a text. Like this is like a thing. Yeah. And my handwriting is terrible despite all the beatings from nuns. Cause I was left-handed. I never switched to right hand and my handwriting is not great, but the note says all of the obvious and necessary things. And if this goes sideways, okay. No one thing that will matter to me and to the extent that there is anything after this that in any way empowers me or animates me in any way to still be felt in this world, know this. when I am gone, I am gone. And all that matters to me is that you make as many moments for yourself and have as much pleasure and as to me and my loss, know this now.

I think that is bullshit. And I use that word every time. Live your life. Do the right thing by the kids. Transition in a way they're okay with. But find love. Be loved. Because you deserve it.

And it will make me happy. To the extent that I can feel anything, the extent that I can be anywhere. Know that every day that you live with my memory and you're not making your own, I'm going to haunt you. And I mean it every time. It's really important for you to live your life. And I know a lot of people say this to you because they're just being polite, but you have to live your life. You've got to have joy and love and romance in your life to the extent that it matters to you, you know? And I think that there is

something in there for you to explain, which is how do you know what is right and what is not right for you in the process of figuring out how to be and who to be coming out of this? You know, I have a very, I have a very strong intuition and gut instinct. It's just always been a part of who i am i know if there's like that buzzy feeling in my body and it makes me smile like i know that that's gas right just no oh no not gas forget i said that no it's like here instead of i was talking to somebody else it's just oh i mean that used to happen with me with Broadway too. Like I just, I would know. I would know I was going to book a show.

I would know. I just, I have a very strong intuition. I don't know what to tell people that don't have that. I feel very lucky that I do. There's just something that's like very clear in my brain when I know something's right. And when I know something's wrong and when I know something's wrong. And I don't care what anyone else will say. I won't stop until like, or I, you know, I'll do what I want to do in that regard. A lot of performers aren't like that. In the world you're in right now, they're not usually like that. Like in the talk TV, even news TV,

you're being good or bad. That balance system is so much a function of what other people think of you that it's hard to say, I don't care. I just do what I do. Yeah. Yeah. That's true when it's going well. When it's not, that's not what you do. Look, no shame in my game. I've been using AG1 for over five years. Why? It works, it's easier, and it's less expensive. That's why. Since 2010, they've been getting their formulations right and tweaking their formulas. Why? Because the science changes, okay?

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We don't fake the funk here. And here's the real talk over 40 years of age, 52% of us experienced some kind of ED between the ages of 40 and 70. I know it's taboo, it's embarrassing, but it shouldn't be. Thankfully, we now have HIMS, and it's changing the vibe by providing affordable access to ED treatment, and it's all online. HIMS is changing men's health care. Why? Because it's giving you access to affordable and discreet sexual health treatments.

And you do it right from your couch. HIMS provides access to clinically proven generic alternatives to Viagra or Cialis or whatever. And it's up to like 95% cheaper. And there are options as low as two bucks a dose. HIMS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers so if ed is getting you down it's time to pick it up start your free online visit today at hymns.com slash ccp h-i-m-s.com slash com slash CCP and you will get personalized ED treatment options. HIMS dot com slash CCP.

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Plus, price is going to vary based on product and subscription plan. But, but, but, being a dancer, okay, I know some people in your world, you deal with so much rejection in that world that if you wind up going on what you're told, you'll never make it. You have to believe in yourself beyond whatever you're getting affirmed. So I get how you've built that gut over time. Yeah, actually, Chris, I know, you know, you're right. I think that's why. I mean, I've been dancing since I was 10 years old and I started auditioning for Broadway shows when I was 19 years old. And yeah, you got to

build up thick skin and you have to believe in yourself and you have to try again. And the resilience that is just built in you when you are an artist is just, it is like, it's who you are and it doesn't tear you down. And I think that's why I've been able to do a lot of the things in my life, you know, before everything that happened to me with COVID and now after. It's just this, you know, resilience that builds up in you when you choose a career that you're told all the time, no, you're not good enough. No, you're too tall. No, you're not too tall.

No, you're too blonde. No, your name's Amanda. No, you can't sing well enough. You can't dance good enough. No, you're too tall. No, you're not too tall. No, you're too blonde. No, your name's Amanda. No, you can't sing well enough. You can't dance well enough. You can dance, but you can't sing. You can sing, but you can't dance. I mean, that was my daily life for 17 years. You learn to be like, you don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine. And then the next day I'm going to go book a job. And then when you have that mentality, it is what happens. We always say, well, you don't have a choice. You have to keep going. It's not true.

I mean, the world and our own personal lives are filled with people who decided to find another way when a door was closed. And sure, another door opens. It's just not in the same house all the time. You know what I mean? Or the same building or the same hallway. Or the same week or the same, you know, month even. Sometimes it's two years down the road. And, you know, in truth, this is still very fresh. You know, I was thinking about you the other day where I was talking about long haul COVID. So I'm like obsessed with long haul COVID. Okay. Why am I obsessed with it? Because we don't

talk about it and it's real. And I think that's nuts that the reason that our government isn't all over it is all PR. They're absolutely, I could prove it to anybody in any, any naysayer who wants, I'll get a battery of scientists together who are studying long haul. Even the guys who are making the antibody, everybody. They all know it's real. They all know that this virus does weird things to some people, okay?

And I have, okay? And it's different for other people and it's very amorphous and nebulous and weird stuff. But I was thinking about you. I was talking to somebody and they're like, Long, I don't even know how real COVID is. I still think that it was like, you know, basically just like the flu and that vaccine, man.

They don't even know what that thing is. They don't even, they didn't even test it. That's why I didn't take that shit. And I was thinking for a second, because first, another friend of mine came to mind, another beautiful woman whose husband got knocked sideways by COVID. He didn't die, but he ain't the same. And I thought of you and I'd be like, wow, what a tough spot for Amanda now that she's like in the public eye in a different way. Where what is that like for you when you hear people saying, you know, it's season, and you hear people saying, like, COVID, man, they lied about that.

COVID, that was just mind control. It's not even that bad. It's like the cold. You get it. It's a bad cold. Now, look, nobody's dying anymore. What do you do with that? Do you just ignore it?

Do you say, let me put it away. That's my past. Like, what do you do with that? I mostly ignore it. I'm it has happened in many a times right in front of my face. If I say anything, I'll say something like, you know, if you could only walk a day in my shoes or the one of the days that I spent next to my husband who was you know dying from COVID in a hospital bed you'd feel a lot differently I usually shut them right up um you know I mean this is how I

originally met you when when Donald Trump was saying that you know COVID was not that bad you know like it's fine I survived and I was like good for you I'm so glad you did that's great what about everybody else what about the million people that didn't? It's that whole thing of like, you know, you can be homophobic until your son tells you he's gay. And then you have a whole new appreciation for the gay community.

It's that as a humanity, as a race, are so judgmental and about things that we don't know or we're afraid of. And then the minute it's a part of your life or a part of your family, that whole mentality changes. And, um, I mean, what can you do? You know, people are, are inconsiderate and idiots a lot of times. So you can try your best to educate them, but you know, what else can you do? I'm not a fighter. I'm not going to get in a fight with somebody

over what happened to Nick. It's just, I'm not. I can direct them and tell them my experience, but I'm not going to fight. Nick is a bad case for the haters because there was absolutely nothing wrong with him until he had COVID. So, you know, the best argument

against the severity of COVID is comorbidity. Okay. Sure. He died, but he was fat, had diabetes and had a bad heart before that. Yeah. He didn't check any of those boxes. The guy's like an Adonis, you know, so, you know, he's a difficult case, but more importantly, I think that you're doing the right thing, which is you just maintain what's keeping you here, which is, you know, he's a difficult case. But more importantly, I think that you're doing the right thing, which is you just maintain what's keeping you here, which is, you know, what is true and what is real and what matters to you. Now, you know, this cup is always going to be a cup. That's what it is. How you feel about what is in the cup or whether you like the color of the cup is completely subjective. And I think that's one of the things that you've really shown the way on for people. And I was given your memoir and I was

interested, you know, I just wanted to see what you did with it. And so I was going through the doldrums or the troubles or what the former president called last night, the pause of after I got shit canned from CNN after all the stuff from my brother. And I was so desperate for perspective. I was just talking to my producer, Greg, about this before. I was not impressed by my situation. Like if you were going through it or something like that or him, as I was saying, I'd be like, listen,

this was, okay, this was bad. Sucks losing your job. That's rough. It ain't't that bad let's just start figuring out what's next and i couldn't tell myself that so your book was one of the things that i looked at for two things one shame i use i know that's not how you want people to use it but for me it was like I use, I know that's not how you want people to use it, but for me, it was like, sheesh, you know, clutes, clutes is doing a lot better than I'm doing right now. And she is dealing with a lot more than I'm dealing with. So that's helpful. It's helpful. I know that you're not in the shame game. The second thing is the reality is what you think it is. You are either a good dancer or a bad dancer. Whatever you think the answer is, you're right. You are either in a good place

or a bad place. Either way, you're right. Someone can look like you and think they look like me. Either way, you're right. Someone can look like you and think they look like me. And that's really tragic, but that's their reality, okay? And I think that that is a simple concept that we forget because we put strictures in, we put set pieces in, we put rules in. No, no, no, you better be married in the next two months or you can't date for two years, whatever the rule is. It is meaningless unless it's meaningful to you. And I love

that you're putting that out there with everything you do, that this is what I decided is right. And that's all that matters. No one can tell you you're wrong with any of the moves you've made because it's only what you think it is. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Thank you. I mean, I appreciate that. I feel like jobs and work is best when it's coming from you, when it's genuine, you know? And that's what makes me love being a creative person is because when I think of something that's genuinely happy and, and makes me excited about it, then I feel like I know that I'll be a hundred percent at it. Do you know what I mean? Like that's when you, that's when work becomes fun, you know? But I will tell you what you were saying before. I just brought up a memory where, um, I was writing the book and I had to go back into like archives of looking at photos and things

to remember certain dates and stuff. I started seeing, you know, I have a lot of pictures of Nick in the hospital, you know, he, he went into the hospital, 225 pounds. And when he died, he was 148 over 95 days. And, um, I was looking back at photos and I just thought to myself, Oh my God, like my mindset, Chris was so like, he's not going to die. Like what are you talking about? He looks great today. He. His numbers are improving. And no wonder the doctors there thought I was a crazy lady because I look back at these photos and clearly this man is dying in front of me slowly. And I just did not, like, I would not let my mind go there. I literally was like, he is making it out of this hospital. He's walking out of this hospital. I mean, I said that until the

day up until we knew he was going to die. I mean, it was my mindset. I was not looking at it any other way. There was no option other than him surviving this. And you talk about long COVID, he would have had, if he would have lived, best case scenario, a double lung transplant, a two kidney transplant. You know, he had a pacemaker. I mean, his whole body, like long COVID. I think about that all the time. That poor man, what would his life have been like? Because that COVID would have been with him for the rest of his life. You know, destroyed his body. I think that's the lesson for people. You know, there are people who are going to listen to this and watch it. And all pain is personal and everybody is struggling. Everybody is suffering. And the only people who aren't suffering are people who've told themselves

not to. And that's okay. Sometimes that can be delusion and that's not good because then you're not working on the things that you need to work on, whatever it is. But all pain is personal and the power of perspective is so mighty and so underused. Like I am totally a different cat than I was before I got shit canned. And perspective can be really empowering.

You get the opportunity to prepare yourself for what's coming. What would you have said? Okay, I have a lot of feelings on this because I think that the hard times that happen in our lives teach us so much. And I don't know if I would tell myself anything because I think what you learn when you go through something like that, even with yourself is so powerful

and it gives you the opportunity to look at life and change life. And I don't know if I would tell myself anything because I think that journey is so powerful and impactful that you, you don't want to be told anything. I would say my only caveat in that is because I lost my husband is I wish I could have told myself to like, don't fight over dumb things, Give him a hug and a kiss before he leaves that car that day because that's the last time you're going to hug and kiss him. Tell him you love him

because that's the last time you're going to actually talk to him and hear his voice again. I wish I could say that, but I wouldn't say anything else because I think it's important to learn and not have that information ahead of time because that journey that you take through life is too important to go through with, you know, I

don't know. Do you know what I'm saying? I know exactly what you're saying. And I had not thought of it that way myself, but I like your way better. Life is not a beautiful journey. It's just not. And who you are comes out of these tough times that you have to build yourself up when you're on the bottom. I just said this the other day, my girlfriend is

going through the hardest time. Oh my God, she is bottom. It is like the bottom is there. And I looked at her and I said, guess what the best part about being at the bottom is right now? And she was like, you only can go up. I was like, yes, you can only go up right now. Think about it. It is the only option. You can only get up from here. That's right. When you're at the top, you have everything to lose. That roller coaster hill is right here and you're going down. That's the journey. The journey is the up and the down. And what you decide to make it. I always think of this stupid movie called Joe Dirt. You ever see this movie? I know it. I don't think I've seen it. So Joe Dirt, Spader, what's his name? Kevin Spade. David Spade, isn't it? And this guy says to him,

this Cajun guy says to him, and he says, you like to see what you make. And he says, you like to see teenage boys naked? And he goes, no, life is what you make it. And it always cracks me up for two reasons. One, because that's hilarious how he misunderstood it.

But we always misunderstand it. We misunderstand it, not in the absurd way that he did, but we misunderstand that life is what you make it. That's all it is. And look, it's harder to keep perspective on that when you have the burden of choice and you live an examined life. And that's why I love your answer that you just have to go through it and just wish yourself the strength to be your best all the way through. But now the answer I don't like, although I'm going to lose this argument also, but in a little bit, it's because I want to. Social media, okay?

And thank you for being there for me so I could get through this hard thing. Do not go together in my world, just so you know. I see that place as Thunderdome, especially Twitter, as a toxic crucible of fringe political thought. You had a different experience. Share. Yeah. So when my social media account really started growing, it was when I came out to everybody that had just been admitted to the ICU. At that point in time, I had 50,000 followers. They were very loyal to my fitness company, which is what I built my platform on. And at that point in time, I felt like I got a lot of followers, 50,000 followers. I was like, gosh, doing great. And then slowly over the time,

over 95 days, I think, you know, gained around half a million followers through everything that happened with Nick and what I was telling everybody every day. At that point in time, in our beautiful little world, that was not beautiful at the time. The one beauty part about it is that we were all for the first time in our lives in something together that was extremely scary and dangerous. And if you remember social media at the time, there were a lot of people like giving free classes, you know, online free workouts. I was doing free workouts on my Monday, Wednesday, Friday, people were doing free cooking free,

but it was like this little community of just like a time that didn't ever exist. I don't know if it ever will again, but it was this almost like outreach, you know, people delivering groceries to old people next door. It was not a toxic atmosphere. It was very beautiful. And this is when my followers grew. My followers came to me at a time where everybody was being loving and supportive and helpful. And so I feel like I have a social media following of people that are positive. If you follow my page, you're following a positive person. I don't put out negativity. If you show negativity on my platform, I immediately block you. There's just no room for it. I'm sorry. Like, I'm not going to read it. I'm not going to engage with it.

You're blocked. Will you unblock me now or after this? Or am I still blocked? I unblocked you. No, but you know what I'm saying? Like, I feel very lucky to have found, not found social media because I was using it obviously before this, but

when social media really became a huge part of my life, it was during a time where everyone was just being like their best version of themselves because we were all in a horrible time together. We were in this community of just trying to survive. I do feel like my social media followers are very loyal and kind and very supportive of what I do and want to see me and Elvis thrive. Yeah, I'll give it to you. I was I was looking at it, but it's because of who you are and the world that you're creating for yourself. You know, if you started getting political about the vaccine, you'd be blocking things so often your thumb would look like a mushroom. No, Chris, that happened to me when the vaccine came out and I got a vaccine and, you know, there was a bit of a backlash. And then I stuck up for what I knew was right and who I am and what was right for my family. And there's nothing more that I love when somebody comes at me in a DM

and I say to them, oh, okay, do you actually want to have an insightful conversation about this? And then over a few DMs, they go, I'm so sorry that I am sitting here on my couch judging you for what you're doing in your life. I really appreciate you taking the time

to talk to me. And I now understand your point of view. And that has happened many a times. Not just with me? Not just, no, I'm serious, it has. That has never happened to me, by the way. I have shown people that they are absolutely wrong about fill in the blank.

Me, what I said, what I did, what is true, what is it. And there is no surrender on Twitter. It's doubling down on dumb, lie, defy, deny. But that's politics. There's a very old adage. I'm really into philosophy, by the way. I'm more into philosophy than I am into religion. I was raised Catholic. I don't judge faith. I choose to have faith. I cannot win the argument. I'm not here to proselytize. I'm not here to convince. And I don't Jesus people into submission. I don't do it. And I don't need to do it. And I don't know what's real and what isn't real. I just know what I choose. But I am much more dependent on philosophy than I am liturgy in terms of my reckonings, probably because any kind of religiosity, I always fall

short of the standard. So I'm constantly in self-loathing mode, which I'm trying to do less of. But there's a cycle. Hard times make strong people. Strong people make good times. Good times make been a really reliable barometer of history and of empires and of societies and of movements, even in our own reckoning in this relatively young country. And you are now made strong by hard times and you are making good times. The best part is you control the rate of the cycle. And just like a hard time doesn't have to make you a strong person because it can take you out, right? You and I both know people who succumb to challenge and adversity all the time. I mean, it's part of the human condition. Not everybody's going to make it through everything. adversity all the time. I mean, it's part of the human condition. Not everybody's going to make it through everything. And you control how long you stay on the up. And that's why I love your

tenacity of, you know, your stubbornness of wanting to stay positive and wanting to do that. And that's what it is. You got to cling to it as much as anything else. And I love it. And I love that social media helps you with that. And I think that, you know, the more we lift people like you up, it wouldn't be easy for me to have done. I mean, you know, it was obvious to talk to you at CNN when you were going through your hard time. You being on the come up, especially you being at another network, they would have been like, hmm, what's that about? You know, there's all these stupid right way, wrong way in the business. But here, I really think a lot of people

are going to listen to this, think about it, get a sense of what you've been through and what you're making of it, how that applies to them or could. Hopefully they look at the book. Hopefully they check out your site. If they're fitness people, they already know it because, you know, that's a pretty, that's a pretty devout community.

And I wish you very good luck in the movie. I will stay in touch because I'm enjoying the journey. Thank you. I ain't coming on your show though, because I know you people are going to, I know exactly what you guys are going to do. They reached out, man. It's not happening. I'll tell you that right now.

I'm not doing it. I don't do any TV. I'm not talking to anybody. Well, I would make sure we would only be now. I'm not doing it. I don't do any TV. I'm not talking to anybody. Well, I would make sure we would only be kind. Nah, nah, nah. I don't trust any of you people. You can trust me. I told you, Amanda Kloots.

So compelling, she even made me rethink social media. Please subscribe, follow, tell your friends. I want to have these kinds of discussions. And I want you to be involved as well. You know the number that you can call. We'll be doing listener calls. The free agent merch is important, not because daddy needs a new pair of shoes. It's about raising money for collective contributions. And there's a lot of cool swag, merch, whatever you want to call it. Technically, it's merch.

Swag is an acronym that stands for something else. But the idea of, are you free? Why? Because everybody thinks they're free. But do you think party before you think policy or reasonable about the person involved, about what you're backing? Most, no, it's not true.

That's why I love you. And I appreciate you for your participation in the Chris Cuomo Project. I'll see you next time.