The Chris Cuomo Project - Cuomo On The Couch: Do The Homework

Episode Date: May 4, 2023

In a candid, unfiltered talk from his living room couch, Chris Cuomo analyzes why it can be harder to manage emotional pain than physical pain, and explores the need to “do the homework” when it comes to self-improvement. Follow and subscribe to The Chris Cuomo Project on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube for new episodes every Tuesday and Thursday. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I have a confession and I have a very powerful suggestion for you. Which do you want first? You can decide. I'm Chris Cuomo. Welcome to another special episode of The Chris Cuomo Project. Couch confession? Cuomo on the couch? Couchy Cuomo?

Cuomo shaped like a couch? Whatever you want to call it. I'm not a great salesman, but I am on a journey that many of you are on as well. And I want to talk to you about it a little bit more deeply. So welcome. Thank you for subscribing and following, not subscribing. I'm giving it away. You subscribe to the podcast, you follow the podcast, but I am thinking about doing a subscription model that is for a more specific group of us.

And we're going to talk about that today. Thank you for taking a look at wearing your independence through the free agent merch. Again, I'm trying to get a kitty of money together that we can use to give away. And I think that's helpful. Thank you for watching News Nation, seeing me at eight and 11.

The numbers are growing. I appreciate that. It's Thank you for watching News Nation. See me at 8 and 11. The numbers are growing. I appreciate that. It's not the same as the podcast, but it definitely borrows from it. And there'll be more and more exchange as we continue to develop it. The Chris Cuomo Project is supported by Cozy Earth. Why? Because I like their sheets. That's why. A lot of people don't get a good night's sleep for a lot of reasons. One of the ones that you can control is bedding.

One out of three of us report being sleep deprived. Okay, well, what is it? Well, it stresses all kinds of things. But the wrong sheets can make you hot, can make you cold. I'm telling you, I don't even believe it either. But Cozy Earth sheets breathe. And here's what I love about them. Cozy Earth's best-selling sheet is a bamboo set, okay? Temperature regulating.

Gets softer with every wash. I'm not kidding you, all right? Now, so if you go to CozyEarth.com and you enter the code, enter the code Chris, and you can get up to 35% off your first order. CozyEarth.com and the code is Chris. Look, no shame in my game. I've been using AG1 for over five years. Why? It works, it's easier, and it's less expensive.

That's why. Since 2010, they've been getting their formulations right and tweaking their formulas. Why? Because the science changes, okay? It's not like politics where people decide to believe one thing and no matter what happens with the facts, they never shift. This is the opposite. Ooh, prebiotics work with probiotics, but in this way. D works with K, and this type of B works with that.

They have the scientists doing it, so I don't need all the bottles, I don't have to spend all the money, and I don't have to figure out when to take what and why. More importantly, it's not just the regular list of vitamins. It's the extras, okay? The adaptogens, the prebiotics, the probiotics that support your body's universal needs, gut optimization, immune support, stress management.

That's what foundational nutrition is about. And these are the people at AG1 who've been doing the work to get it right, okay? I tell friends, I tell family, I get no complaints, okay? If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with AG1. Try AG1, you get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs, okay? That's what happens with your first purchase.

So make it. Go to drinkag1.com slash ccp. Drinkag1.com slash ccp. Check it out. a suggestion and I have a confession. I think I'll start with the confession. As I was speaking earlier today with Greg, I have become increasingly aware of an obsession I have with pain management. Now, I don't mean popping oxys to help with my aching knees. That's something else. I'm okay with physical pain. I get it. I can make sense of where it comes from.

I can make a sensible judgment of how to manage it and understand my boundaries. I get it. I do not get that on an emotional level the same way. And I am obsessed with suffering and pain management or the lack thereof. As I understand it, if there were a written exam on how to deal with failure, difficulty, disappointment, pain, any of the negative emotions, I think I'd get like a 97 or a 100, depending on how focused I was on the test. The practical exam would kill me. And that is my experience in life. I keep making the same, not, you know, it's not as simple as bad choices. It's not as simple as like,

I really shouldn't drink this syrup. It's not that simple. But I get caught in loops and cycles. And I think this is very familiar to you. I think this resonates with you. I think just a lot of people don't admit it. And if they do, they do it by way of telling you that they have an answer. And that's why you need to buy for $19. See, I don't have that. I don't have the way. I don't have a way around this. I have read and studied so much, which takes me to my suggestion, but hold on,

that I totally get different ways, belief systems, processes, mechanisms, reminders to help. I get it. So when those sirens go off in your own head, in your own heart, I know ways to respond to it, but that doesn't mean I do it well because I don't. to it. But that doesn't mean I what I control and what I don't. All things that I know, I just don't show well. And that's consistent. And I think that's familiar. And I think it is a really fruitful conversation because I have noticed that I take a lot of comfort in hearing other people talk about that they're struggling and enduring.

You know, Marcus Aurelius says, if it's endurable, endure. And I really believe in that. I don't believe things happen for a reason. I think you have to put reason to whatever happens. That's your choice. I don't believe in luck. I believe in circumstance. I believe in chance. I believe that things can go your way. I think you can make them go your way. And I think that that can also fail you. But I don't think

it's just, well, that guy's just plain lucky. I don't think that's so simple. I don't think that's the way it works. That's my belief. Now, should we start something additional where I want to curate a more committed audience to this conversation of people who are willing to share because it's not just going to be about me. I've lived a lot, but not enough. There's so many people with such more rich experiences in their life, positive and negative, that are instructions for the rest of us that we can grab onto, that we can learn from. And I really want that. And I don't know if it's just a natural extension

of the podcast. Certainly, I'm not going to do it on my TV show, but I really believe that in my commitment to help myself and others, I really think I'm missing an opportunity here to do that because these are the best conversations I have with people, and I'm having more and more of them. They're really hard to have online. I'm certainly not having them on Twitter. That place is just a toxic crucible of negativity. And there's something about the brevity of it also. You know, it's like quick thoughts are more often going to be bad thoughts, it seems. But what do you think of that? What do you think of the idea?

I don't know what I would, I don't know what it would cost. The value proposition, though, would be that I would share things about my own life that I think are instructive. And look, I know people are going to wind up signing up. I'm going to miss them in vetting. I'll blame Greg. And that they'll wind up exploiting what I say there and twisting it the way they did when I said I'm trying to drink less whenever I'm dealing with anything because I don't want to use it as a coping mechanism. That turned into me having a drinking problem when the opposite is true.

Or when I said, you know, I understand the feelings that people can have of being like, I'm so angry about what happened, but you have to make a choice of what to do with that anger. It's not like you're going to kill yourself and everybody else. It's not rational.

And it was taken out of context to mean that's what I was thinking of doing. Look, I get that people are going to play it that way. We're in a gotcha culture, okay? Our media is getting increasingly negative and reductive as clickbait because that's what you guys want, but not all of you. And I really believe there is an audience for this. And I just think that I got to keep it close. I mean, even if it's like 100,000 people, but that are really tuned in on this, and this is where their head and their heart are, and they want to talk about it, and they want to share so that I can say, hey, Greg, keep last names out of it. It's probably safer that way,

except for me. Hey, Greg says that he lost his, you know, fill in the blank and this is what he did and it didn't work. Then he was trying this and this really seems to help. And has anybody else has experience with this? And I did some research into it. And I really believe in the homework part of this. And that's my suggestion. I love self-help, okay?

I believe in it. I think anything that helps, that encourages positivity and for you to practice kindness and try to play to your best angels, I think is a good thing, okay? But it can be escapism that's counterproductive. It can entice you into what is going to be a quick fix when there is non-man. Nobody gets out of this life alive, right? And it's all about struggling to the end. And look, you can perceive struggle as joy, as your happiness, or you can just see it as labor, or you can just feel it out as toughness. And as David Goggins talks about callusing your mind and challenging yourself through the grind,

however you decide to perceive it, it's an achievable end. And I think it's a must. I think you've always got to be making an effort. And I think that there is reason to suggest that instead of just leaning on the latest list of seven things or five things or a secret or the way to actually do the homework of getting underneath,

not psychology because it gets sophisticated and subject to interpretation and the need for clinical expertise. Certainly I don't have it and I'm not really going to develop it, and I have a therapist, and I think that's an amazing tool for me, really. But there is a way to study why we believe things, what is the truth, what connects us to it, and that's why I'm so into philosophy, okay? It's not because I'm deep. I'm as deep as a puddle. But I have a curiosity and I have a real desire to be better. And I really

struggle with it. And if you take some time, just start with a simple, like even like a Wikipedia thing, all right, just a Google search on epistemology, okay? Epistemology is a branch of philosophy that deals with how we reckon belief and truth and understanding, how we know what we think we know. All right, epistemology comes from the Greek word for knowing how to. And the study of how we know is really helpful in resetting your basic understandings of why and on what basis you decide to move forward.

We don't fake the funk here. And here's the real talk. Over 40 years of age, 52% of us experience some kind of ED between the ages of 40 and 70. I know it's taboo, it's embarrassing, but it shouldn't be. Thankfully, we now have HIMS. And it's changing the vibe by providing affordable access to ED treatment, and it's all online. HIMS is changing men's health care.

Why? Because it's giving you access to affordable and discreet sexual health treatments, and you do it right from your couch. HIMS provides access to clinically proven generic alternatives to Viagra or Cialis or whatever. And it's up to like 95% cheaper. And there are options as low as two bucks a dose. HIMS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers. So if ED is getting you down, it's time to pick it up. Start your free online visit today at HIMS.com slash CCP.

H-I-M-S dot com slash CCP. And you will get personalized ED treatment options. HIMS.com slash CCP. Prescriptions? You need an online consultation with a healthcare provider, and they will determine if appropriate. Restrictions apply. You see the website.

You'll get details and important safety information. You're going to need a subscription. It's required. Plus, price is going to vary based on product and subscription plan. We don't fake the funk here, and here's the real talk. Over 40 years of age, 52% of us experience some kind of ED between the ages of 40 and 70. I know it's taboo, it's embarrassing, but it shouldn't be. Thankfully, we now have HIMS, and it's changing the vibe by providing affordable access to ED treatment, and it's all online.

HIMS is changing men's health care. Why? Because it's giving you access to affordable and discreet sexual health treatments. And you do it right from your couch. HIMS provides access to clinically proven generic alternatives to Viagra or Cialis or whatever. And it's up to like 95% cheaper.

And there are options as low as two bucks a dose. And it's up to like 95% cheaper. And there are options as low as two bucks a dose. HIMS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers. So if ED is getting you down, it's time to pick it up. Start your free online visit today at HIMS.com slash CCP. H-I-M-S dot com slash ccp and you will get personalized ed treatment options hymns.com slash ccp prescriptions you need an online consultation with a health care provider and they will determine if appropriate restrictions apply you see the website you'll get details

and important safety information you're going to need a subscription it's required plus price is going to vary based on product and subscription plan you know you have basically a few different buckets here you know that certain things are true two plus two equals four uh you know that that's called propositional belief you know that it is but then you have knowing how to do something that leads you to a belief you know how to add two plus two um you know how to get water out of a well you know how to uh successfully present bait to fish and structure in this situation you know how to communicate it. So you know something and believe it because of your experience in doing the same thing.

And you can know by your experience with something, object experience also, that you know this is a rock because you feel it, you touch it, and you get all these different things. So, they're different bases. And some of them are called a priori and some are called a posteriori. Posteriori is that you need experience. It's empirical. You know it's hot because when you touch it, it burns like a mofo. And there are other things that are a priori in terms of you don't have to experience them to know that they're true. And I really believe that taking the time to read about how reason works and how it plays into logic

and how we arrive at truth versus belief is really interesting because we've totally screwed it up in our political culture, by the way. We're at a point now where if you want it to be true, it is true. And that whatever you feel is the same as fact. And that's really problematic

if you were to apply it anywhere else in your life. It's literally like we're saying, no, I'm going to lose weight if I eat cake. I'm going to eat cake and I'm going to lose weight. And I've been told that cake is going to help me lose weight. I saw Bill Cosby, chocolate cake. It's got eggs. It's got milk. You know, that's good stuff.

And that's what I'm going to do. Scott Milk, you know, that's good stuff. And that's what I'm going to do. That is not a sound basis upon which to be healthy, right? But that's what we're doing in our politics. Well, they all lie, so I'm sticking with my liar. And the other side's worse, so I'm doing that. You would not apply that to anywhere else in your life.

And that's because we've gotten screwed up in terms of deferring to tribalism and groupthink instead of what's best for us. And I just don't think that's a survivable strategy for the things that matter most. I don't think it's a survivable strategy for our politics, which is why I really encourage you guys to leave the parties. It's not because I see them as equal.

I don't. I think it's often case by case, but I think right now you certainly have a bad bargain on the right in terms of what they're deciding to cling to in Trump. And I get why he's got a base. And I don't care how many of you who decide to reject people's feelings of disaffection

and disassociation and that they're being put upon and that their understanding of our culture is changing for the worse and things are being foisted upon them. I don't care if you don't agree. I'm not saying I agree. I'm saying I get why they feel that way. Yeah, but they're wrong, but they still feel that way.

And it leads them to make judgments about whom to support. And you're not winning the campaign. You may win the argument, but you are splitting power 50-50 with a third of the country's population because of the electoral college and how our system of representation works. So that's just showing you how powerful what is a minority feeling can be. So you have to regard it and deal with it, even if you reject it. And that takes us back to our study of understanding the basis of belief and truth and reason and why we think about things as understood. That's epistemology. I really think you should take some time to read it and think about

it i think it will help you it helps me to the extent that anything does which takes me back to where we began i don't do a great job putting into practice what i tell you that i've learned and i've seen in others that works. I know what works. That doesn't mean you're going to do it well, certainly not consistently. And I guess you have to figure out what works for you in terms of a level of satisfaction that you can live with,

that doesn't put you into a complete cycle of self-loathing or quitting. And I struggle with that. And I think it's pretty common. I think it's pretty familiar. Certainly my therapist is unimpressed by it, if not outright amused when he listens to me tearing myself apart.

But I don't want you to confuse what I understand with what I have achieved because that's not the case. I don't think that I'd want to have these conversations if I knew for sure how it worked because I don't think that I would care enough about people's inability to do that because I'd be like, well, you know,

you don't get it, that's on you. But I have more of a sensitivity to the struggle because it's so real for me. And I think it's real for most of us to the extent that we open our eyes to it. You know, sometimes ignorance is bliss. I believe that. I do believe that sometimes what you don't know

can't hurt you. Now, sometimes it can, but whatever it is, I'm not there. I am very self-aware of shortcomings and dissatisfaction to a point of almost desperation. And that's why I'm so hungry for better and for knowledge and to understand better ways and better practices, to try to create better outcomes in my own life, life, especially with an impact on consistency. I'm capable of really good highs and bad lows. And, you know, people go, maybe you're bipolar. That's something totally different. You know, it's another thing that encourages me to encourage you to do your homework. We use so many terms recklessly and completely divorced from their true meaning.

And it happens all the time in our culture. And people saying a lot is often misunderstood for people saying something of worth. I don't get it right, which is why I'm so interested in talking to you about it and learning from you and sharing what I have learned, I don't get it right, which is why I'm so interested in talking to you about it and learning from you and sharing what I have learned, even if I've learned it through negative experience or through failure.

And I really want to know what you think about me starting something that's curated more to just these conversations. Because I just don't think that it's enough to have it as a mix. It matters more to me than talking the really big names about things that matter. That matters to me too. I think that there's a value to you in that, but not like this, not for me. It matters the most to me of everything I do. And I'm the least qualified to do what matters most to me. I know how to interview and evince people's true character for you and their nature for you to learn from them. I know how to interview and evince people's true character for you and their

nature for you to learn from them. I know how to cover the news. I know how to do legal analysis and news analysis. They just don't matter to me as much as this does. The basis upon which we form our relationships and our habits and our behaviors and how we deal with pain and loss and disappointment, how we learn to suffer, to suffer. And I mean that. We have to endure things that are uncomfortable. There is no easy way unless you make what is difficult okay in your own mind and you accept it. That's as close to easy as you're going to get, which is your own interpretation of your struggle, that it's okay. You get to be the super Jedi version of this as Goggins who loves the suck. The harder it gets, the more pain he's in, the more he enjoys it.

Now, I think that's a little extreme for most of us in terms of our capabilities, but I get the ideal. And we have to embrace the suck very often in life and learn to hold our tongue and hold our temper and realize that people don't piss us off. We decide to be pissed off. that people don't piss us off. We decide to be pissed off. And I struggle with this mightily and I fail at it. But that gives me respect for the process and the effort. And I think that's shared by a lot of people. I really don't care the way I used to about how people judge me, my actions, my intentions.

But I've never cared more about sharing perspective with you and coming to a common understanding of better ways to try. And I really think that that is helpful to me. And I think it's helpful to you because you guys talk to me about it more than you do anything else that I do. So, you know, you don't have to be a genius to kind of pick up on that. So what do you think? Is it something that you would consider? I mean, it's not going to be like an expensive thing. I mean, but I would just want it to be committed, dedicated, and that's all it's going to be. I'm not going to have like Cedric the entertainer, you know, talking about, unless, you know, that interview goes into something that really creates a pocket for us

of understanding of struggle. But what's more important in life than figuring out how to deal with the hard times? Hard times make strong people if you deal with them the right way. make strong people if you deal with them the right way. Otherwise, they can break you. And I know that feeling. And I've seen it in others in way more profound manifestations than anything I've ever had to deal with. So I think there's value. And I want you to understand that what I know is not the same as what I achieve or what I do well. I am as flawed as any and without any good excuse for it. And that I really believe it's worth the investment of time and effort to do some studying of why we feel that things are beliefs and truth

and what that intellectual construct is. I'm not saying we're gonna make ourselves pocket professors, but it's not that complicated. And it's really helpful in terms of helping you delineate belief from feeling, from fact, from truth as an underpinning of what your rules are and your reckonings for your own reality. So that's what I got. It's really important for me that you don't have a false image or expectation of me. I want to help you. expectation of me. I want to help you. And I don't want you to see me as some example of how to be.

How not to be often may be the case, but there's zero quit in me when it comes to this. I'm going to try. And if I can help myself and help you at the same time, and if you can help me, that would be awesome. So thank you for giving it a listen and for considering some of the ideas that I put out there and see if they work for you. And if not, let me know why. You know that I'm looking at the feedback. Thank you for subscribing and following. Please give me your take on whether or not this is something for me to consider or should I just keep doing it this way, which is fine. And I want you to think about wearing your independence and leaving the parties. Not because they're both evil, but it's because the game sucks and it's not getting us to a better place. And I don't think it will anytime soon. And I think the most powerful thing you can do

is leave it and encourage others to not just vote by party, that that's silly. I'll see you next time. Please don't forget News Nation, 8 and 11 o'clock p.m. Eastern. Thank you for watching. Thank you for continuing to watch, and I'll see you again. Music Music Music