The Chris Cuomo Project - Cuomo On The Couch: Have You Been Hurt?

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

In a candid, unfiltered talk from his living room couch, Chris Cuomo explores how to control and process being hurt, the philosophy behind handling what you feel, and how vulnerability can make you strong. Follow and subscribe to The Chris Cuomo Project on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube for new episodes every Tuesday. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, I'm Chris Cuomo, and welcome to another special episode of the Chris Cuomo Project. Cuomo on the couch, soon to be called couch potato. Why did you change it? What happened to couch confession? Confession sounds weak. Sounds like you did something wrong. Not necessarily weak, but like you did something wrong.

And we got to get away from that. I was actually playing into the exact problem that I'm trying to help us dispel to deal with. So wrong name. And I appreciate you for reaching out to me and telling me that. Now, thank you for subscribing. Thank you for following. Thank you for all the feedback, comment, and otherwise, because as a collaboration, I'm trying to do what you can use, what works for you.

I don't have answers. I just know the struggle, various struggles, and I know what I turn to, what I'm reading, how I'm thinking, what has worked, what hasn't worked, much more on that than what has worked because the struggle is real. And if I can help, great. If I don't, let me know because I don't want to waste your time or mine. The free agent gear matters because we're trying to create a collective kitty for contributions. I think it's good to give. I think it feels good. And I'd like to do it together.

So there's lots of different merch coming up on Christmas and Hanukkah or whatever you celebrate or care about. So they're nice gifts, pretty cheap. And that's what we're going to use the money for in the main. We don't fake the funk here, and here's the real talk. Over 40 years of age, 52% of us experience some kind of ED between the ages of 40 and 70. I know it's taboo, it's embarrassing, but it shouldn't be. Thankfully, we now have HIMS, and it's changing the vibe by providing affordable access to ED treatment, and it's all online. HIMS is changing men's health care. Why? Because it's giving you access to affordable and discreet

sexual health treatments. And you do it right from your couch. HIMS provides access to clinically proven generic alternatives to Viagra or Cialis or whatever. And it's up to like 95% cheaper. And there are options

as low as two bucks a dose. HIMS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers. So if ED is getting you down, it's time to pick it up. Start your free online visit today at HIMS.com slash CCP. H-I-M-S dot com slash CCP.

And you will get personalized ED treatment options. HIMns.com slash ccp prescriptions you need an online consultation with a health care provider and they will determine if appropriate restrictions apply you see the website you'll get details and important safety information you're going to need a subscription it's required plus price is going to vary based on product and subscription plan. Look, no shame in my game. I've been using AG1 for over five years. Why? It works, it's easier, and it's less expensive. That's why. Since 2010, they've been getting their formulations right and tweaking their formulas. Why?

Because the science changes, okay? It's not like politics where people decide to believe one thing and no matter what happens with the facts, they never shift. This is the opposite. Ooh, prebiotics work with probiotics, but in this way. D works with K, and this type of B works with that. They have the scientists doing it, so I don't need all the bottles, I don't have to spend all the money, and I don't have to figure out when to take what and why. More importantly, it's not just

the regular list of vitamins. It's the extras, okay? The adaptogens, the prebiotics, the probiotics that support your body's universal needs, gut optimization Immune support Stress management That's what foundational nutrition Is about and these Are the people at AG1 Who've been doing the work to get It right okay I tell friends I tell family

I get No complaints okay If you want to take ownership of your health It starts with AG1. Try AG1. You get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs, okay? That's what happens with your first purchase. So make it.

Go to drinkag1.com slash ccp. Drinkag1.com slash ccp. Check it out. We don't fake the funk here. And here's the real talk. Over 40 years of age, 52% of us experience some kind of ED between the ages of 40 and 70. I know it's taboo. It's embarrassing.

But it shouldn't be. Thankfully, we now have HIMS. But it shouldn't be. Thankfully, we now have HIMS, and it's changing the vibe by providing affordable access to ED treatment, and it's all online. HIMS is changing men's health care. Why? Because it's giving you access to affordable and discreet sexual health treatments, and you do it right from your couch. HIMS provides access to clinically proven generic alternatives to Viagra or Cialis or whatever. And it's up to like 95% cheaper. And there are options as low as two bucks a dose.

HIMS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers. So, if ED is getting you down, it's time to pick it up. Start your free online visit today at hymns.com slash ccp. H-I-M-S dot com slash ccp. And you will get personalized ED treatment options. hymns.com slash ccp. Prescriptions, you need an online consultation with a healthcare provider,

and they will determine if appropriate. Restrictions apply. You need an online consultation with a healthcare provider and they will determine if appropriate restrictions apply. You see the website, you'll get details and important safety information. You're going to need a subscription. It's required. Plus price is going to vary based on product and subscription plan. The Chris Cuomo project is supported by cozy earth.

Why? Because I like their sheets. That's why. A lot of people don't get a good night's sleep for a lot of reasons. One of the ones that you can control is bedding. One out of three of us report being sleep deprived. Okay, well, what is it? Well, it stresses all kinds of things.

But the wrong sheets can make you hot, can make you cold. I'm telling you, I don't even believe it either. But Cozy Earth sheets breathe. And here's what I love about them. Cozy Earth's best-selling sheet is a bamboo set, okay? Temperature-regulating. Gets softer with every wash. I'm not kidding you, all right?

Now, so if you go to CozyEarth.com and you enter the code, enter the code CHRIS, and you can get up to 35% off your first order. CozyEarth.com, and the code is Chris. So today, we start with a hard question, especially for men, especially for me. especially for men especially for me have you been hurt have you been hurt i don't like the question i don't like dealing with it why makes me feel weak but maybe more importantly, makes you feel vulnerable. And that can be the same thing. It shouldn't be. It shouldn't be.

But it can be. Have I been hurt? This is something that my therapist put to me. And also a priest friend and then a mentor of mine. Have you been hurt? Now, the easy answer is yes. Well, that's not the easy answer. Oh, you're making yourself a victim.

Oh, you got to move past all that. Move past what anybody is going to think of how you feel, okay? You get way too distracted by what other people are going to say. That's easy. Just playing to everybody else. Playing to yourself is hard. Have I been hurt? Yes. Okay. Why don't we want to say that? Because, oh, I can't really justify that. It makes me seem weak. It makes me seem like I'm complaining. I'm supposed to be strong. Scary.

Then there's a different answer. It is true or not true. Have you been hurt? Yes or no. Either way, you're right. Why? Because the reality is, it is what you think it is. This is a podcast. It will always be that. It will only be that. How you feel about this podcast is entirely up to you. It doesn't matter

if there are a million likes and no dislikes. You could hate it, find it of no use. The opposite is also true. It is subjective. It is in your control. Have you been hurt? Yes or no? Either way, you're right. It's about how you feel. Well, what are you talking about? What if I just got knocked in the head? Obviously, you've been hurt. No, you've been hit. Whether you're hurt is up to you. you've been hit. Whether you're hurt is up to you. What about hurt versus injured? Now you're cutting it too fine now. We're still dealing with subjective, okay? Because even if, what are you talking about? My leg is pointing the wrong way. Okay, you've been injured. How do you feel about it? I'm going to be fine. Okay, then you're good. You understand what I'm saying? The perspective is powerful and it's meaningful. Now, dealing with hurt deals with your emotions and it really messes with men's minds. I've read about it, talked to my therapist about it,

and I've experienced it. Either way, you're right. Now, the Stoics give us a guide here, which is you get to decide and determine what it is and that there is an opportunity in all things. So you can move past the pain, the guilt, the shame, and get to what the lesson is and how to deal with it. One of the biggest reasons that I have leaned on this is I am afraid of being hurt, not just because of what it says to me, but what it may lead me to do to others, okay? And I don't just mean that in a way, but in terms of how you conduct yourself

in your relationships. Hurt people hurt people. Now, easier for me, have I hurt people? Yes, many times, many ways. That bothers me a lot more than being hurt myself because that didn't have to happen. I could have controlled that and I didn't. That sucks.

That bothers me. That bothers me. That pains me. Especially when you can't fix it. That's life. And I've had to learn to deal with that, and so must you. Hurt people hurt people. So be aware and deal with the reality that you may be hurt. Deal, heal, and that will make it less likely that you will take it out on others knowingly or unknowingly. process. The how is very important and it's usually all you control.

You do not control many outcomes. I control what I say. I don't control what it means to you. So I can't get too caught up in that. I can only come from a place of researched reasonableness, authenticity, keeping it real, and how much vulnerability I decide to show because there is risk in vulnerability. Now, I increasingly do not perceive that risk. I increasingly, for whatever reasons, don't care what you think of what I say. I hope it is of value. But whether or not it makes you feel a certain way about me, I am not looking for praise. And I really am not short on motivation to change or things to see critically in myself. I do plenty of that myself. So more and more over time, I am losing, which is rare for a guy who's on TV. We're very

sensitive to what people think about us because it's so determinative of our success, at least in the beginning. Process is really what you control. And heading into process and how you use process is a fundamental of three components. Philosophy, why, and how. Philosophy, why, and how. What is philosophy? Philosophy is kind of the precursor to your why. What are you about? What works for you? What motivates you? And be honest, it may be, I want a hot girlfriend. I want a hot boyfriend. Okay boyfriend okay okay there's nothing petty about that if that's what matters for you and that's why you are working out doing better at work hanging out the way you are making yourself look a certain way feel a certain way project a certain way okay I want a car I want a house I want to be the. I want to be the boss. I want to be rich. Whatever it is.

Okay. Figure out what matters to you. Translate that into your why. Because you're going to have to rely on that to do a lot of things that won't be easy. Nothing in life that is worthwhile is easy. Even failure is not easy. And failure is worthwhile. Defeat is not.

The hell's the difference? Fair, fair point. Fail is I didn't win the race. Defeat is I'm not going to race again. I'm never going to do what I think would help me win. Whatever winning is for me, whatever the best is I can do. What's your philosophy? What are you about? What is your why in that specific circumstance? And then you get to how, and that is going to lead you into process. Because the how is the consistency. The how is the willpower. The reason you have the willpower goes to the why. The reason you have your why is because of what your philosophy is. That's all very key. There's a great book about this called The Slight Edge. Slight Edge. I think the guy who wrote it, his name is Olson.

Greg will check that if I'm wrong. Slight Edge. Olson, I think his name is. Now, I have a diagram that is something that I created when I was going through the troubles. What our former president recently referred to as the pause. The time that he hasn't been president, that Biden has been president. He to as the pause, the time that he hasn't been president, that Biden has been president. He called it the pause. I, as a joke on my show, said it sounded more like manna pause because he was having this list of grievances about what he wasn't able to

make happen anymore, and he seemed to be having hot flashes about it. Anyway, this is my little diagram. Here's how I've dealt with hurt and situations that are negative and situations that I'm not happy about. Do I control the situation? Yes or no? No. Okay. Then I have three options. I don't control it. I can watch it, see what's happening with it, monitor that, see if there are opportunities for me to do anything that could influence it. I can release it. Let it go, man. You don't control it.

They don't like you. Get over it. You can't fix it. They don't like you. They pick somebody else. They watch somebody else. You fell short. You can't afford it.

Release it. Last option, think about it. Pray if you want. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of intentionality. And no, yes, I do wear these things. They were given to me by a very, very important person in my life. And he believes in their ability to direct energy. I believe

that he cares about me. And this is a reminder to me, and I love the weight of it, is a reminder to me of the fact that somebody cares about me enough and I should care about me. So that's where I wear it. But I do believe in the energy of intention. And the more you say that something's going to happen, as long as you do the things that go along with it, there's a better chance. And that's easier to achieve negatively than positively. If you say you're going to shit the bed on something, you will. If you say something's not going to go well, it won't. So if you don't control the thing, you can watch it, see for opportunities, you can release it, let it go. Or you can think about it, pray about it, find a way to rationalize your lack of control.

Yes, you do. Okay, you do control it. So is it about something that you do or that you don't do? Do or don't do? If it's something that you do, I control this. I control whether I lose weight. Okay. How and how often?

What are you going to do? What's your and how often? What are you going to do? What's your how? And how often are you going to do that? What's your consistency? That takes you to process. Is it about something that you will not do? Okay. How often must you not do it?

I control whether I get drunk. All right. How often are you going to not get drunk? All the time? You're not going to drink anymore? Are you going to watch how you drink? Or is it what do you do when you do what you're not supposed to do? That's in your control also. How you react. A really great example of this. You're on a diet. You eat pizza.

What do you do for dinner if you ate pizza for lunch? Eight out of 10 of you will eat shit. I'm one of those. The right answer is next meal, do it right. Nah, the whole day's shot. Not true. It is what you make it. Now, a lot of this idea of what you control and what to do when you do control and what you do when you do not control is brilliantly captured in the book called Racing in the Rain. Yeah, it's weird. It's told by a dog and there's a weird side turn in it, left turn in it, but it is a great metaphor, racing in the rain. When to make a move. When is the answer more? When is the answer less? Both can apply. Both can be the right thing. When is it about me?

can be the right thing. When is it about me? And when does it need to be about we? Both count, both matter. And what is your why? What is your why? What is your why? When you figure out your why, when I started doing work on that, it really helped me deal with negative things I'd gone through, negative things that I had caused. I did not do what I was accused of in the media. But that doesn't really matter. The people I care about most were hurt by all that drama. Some of that I controlled. Some of that I didn't. And I've had to deal with that.

And I am dealing with it. I'm not who I was. I'm messed up by it. But I also think that there's a beauty to that. And that there's an ability for me to get better. So being hurt is real. Dealing with hurt is real. You got to get over the pride,

that's why it's a deadly sin, of what makes you seem weak or vulnerable and just focus on what makes you better. Just deal with that. You're going to have your haters. I have so many. It's the nature of being popular. I have so many lovers that are equally baseless.

So what do you decide to listen to? That's up to you. What do you decide to do with how you feel? That's up to you. Are you going to do the work that helps you get to a better place? That's up to you. Do you control it? Yes or no.

What is your philosophy? What is your why? That'll lead you to your how. Consistency is everything. And part of consistency is knowing when to relent. Yes, to be inconsistent. It'll never be simple. And if it is, it'll never be easy.

Because everything in life that matters is hard. Sometimes it's simple. You want to lose weight? Eat less, move more. Simple, not easy. This is what I've learned. This is what I'm struggling with. This is what I know. Being vulnerable can make you strong. That which can bend is often much more resilient than that which, once it is bent, it is broken. I'd rather be the reed than the trunk. I believe that. And I believe in the strength of vulnerability

and of exposing it. Hurt people hurt people. Don't let yourself stay there. That's where I'm at. But it makes you a free agent because you're open and you're honest and you're honest. And you're not tied to team or tribe or party or groupthink.

Don't be a sheeple. Don't be a lemming. Be your own person. Free agent. Get the gear. Subscribe, follow. Thank you, thank you. Let me know if this works for you.

And I wish you all good things. I really do. And for most of it, you will make it happen. Thank you for watching. I'll see you next time. The struggle is real. Let's get after it.