The Chris Cuomo Project - Cuomo On The Couch: Memento Mori

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

In a candid, unfiltered talk from his living room couch, Chris Cuomo explores the concept of memento mori, and the need to live in the present when there’s no guarantee there will be another tomorrow. Follow and subscribe to The Chris Cuomo Project on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube for new episodes every Tuesday and Thursday. Need to hire? You need Indeed. Visit Indeed.com/CCP to start hiring now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You want to know the best motivation to do what you need to do and want to do? And do you want to know the ultimate truth about the only thing that matters in your life? I know both answers, but knowing is the easy part. I'm Chris Cuomo. Welcome to a special episode of the Chris Cuomo Project called Cuomo on the Couch. Should just be called Cuomo the Slouch on the Couch, because that's what I am, especially today. And I'm going to give you some answers. Why aren't I more excited? I'll tell you why. The wisdom is good. The practice is everything.

And practice is the struggle. Support for the Chris Cuomo project comes from PrizePix. I gotta tell you, there's a reason PrizePix is America's number one fantasy sports app. Three million members. Why? Easy., plenty of action if you're into DFS, and it's just you against the numbers. You pick more than or less than on two

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PrizePicks. Pick more, pick less. It's that easy. We don't fake the funk here, and here's the real talk. Over 40 years of age, 52% of us experience some kind of ED between the ages of 40 and 70. I know it's taboo, it's embarrassing, but it shouldn't be. Thankfully, we now have HIMS, and it's changing the vibe by providing affordable access to ED treatment, and it's all online.

HIMS is changing men's health care. Why? Because it's giving you access to affordable and discreet sexual health treatments. And you do it right from your couch. HIMS provides access to clinically proven generic alternatives to Viagra or Cialis or whatever. And it's up to like 95% cheaper. And there are options as low as two bucks a dose. HIMS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers.

So if ED is getting you down, it's time to pick it up. Start your free online visit today at HIMS.com slash CCP. H-I-M-S dot com slash CCP. And you will get personalized ED treatment options. HIMS dot com slash CCP. Prescriptions, you need an online consultation with a healthcare provider and they will determine

if appropriate. Restrictions apply. You see the website, you'll get details and important safety information. You're going to need a subscription. It's required. Plus, price is going to vary based on product and subscription plan. But first, I start with emotional truth. Guys are like, what?

I know. But hey, the time has come, my brothers and sisters, where there's just no reason to fake the funk anymore. I know somebody in my position, as most of you recognize me from the media, is supposed to constantly be on portrayal mode, you know, of either an optimist or a gravitas or somebody who is in the know or whatever the artifice is or whatever the projection is that has seemed helpful for that platform. the artifice is or whatever the projection is that has seemed helpful for that platform. And I certainly take the gig very seriously and I work hard and we're trying to build something at News Nation for you and with this podcast, but I'm just like you, man, and the struggle is real. And now there's also this weird cultural contrition where people who have many things to be thankful for in their lives are not allowed to be anything else without seeming somehow ignorant of their own privilege or

ungrateful or something else pejorative that gets you canceled. I don't care. I have been feeling kind of shitty recently. Could be seasonal. Could be. Could be that the meds that I have been on aren't working or in that amount. Should probably go back to the doctor, right? Yes, I am. Actually this week. I don't know when you're watching this, but this week. Why? Because that's how you take care of yourself, especially once you start to feel it. I also don't feel great, but it's also allergy season, and I have allergies. And allergies can affect your mood. And allergies and histamine response can affect antidepressants. All these things go together, which is why it's so helpful to have a clinician, which I do. But guess who recently decided to start talking to their clinician less? Ah, why did I do that?

Because I'm sick of myself and I'm sick of thinking about some of these things. And that makes struggle only more intense. And I know that, but I'm also self-destructive. So that's where I'm at, okay? It's not all peaches and roses. And I know there's some jackass out there who's gonna take this out of context

and write Cuomo in crisis. Look, our media works off the gotcha. And the hater is the hero right now. That's what you guys are into. That's what works. That's what resonates. That's what the media picks up. That's what the algorithms on social media

pick up as clickbait. You want it raw and provocative and mean and animus. That's what's working. So yes, they'll do this. Like when I told you, hey, I'm trying not to drink when I'm dealing with a problem, not because I have a drinking problem, but I don't want to drink whenever I have problems. I want to be clear-eyed about things, especially when I'm on a mood medication. Cuomo has drinking problem. Look, when you're really down on yourself and you're angry and you feel you've been wronged or whatever, there's this temptation of like, well, you start thinking about your options and all these silly extremes that are completely unrealistic. So I say, well, what are you going to do? You're all upset. You got all this pent up anger. What are you going to do? Kill yourself, kill everybody else? Which, by the way, logically

doesn't even make sense. You kill yourself first. There isn't everybody else. But anyway, that's not the point. Obviously, I was being hyperbolic. Cuomo says he wanted to kill everybody. Why? Because that's the commodity. And it's not just with the New York Post and with all these shit digital sites. It's the media in general. Too often, we see negativity as a proxy for insight. It makes you sad. It makes you sad. It makes you want to stop watching the news. I get it. I get it. And I'm affected by it as well. And at some point, you're just tired of fighting back against bullshit and things that are wrong and things that are untrue and being threatened and borderline extorted by circumstance because you can be. Because I can't. I can't take on any more drama or controversy.

I can't do that. I've had enough. So that can kind of depress you. And then you have all the other things outside of this artificiality of my professional life. I have a family also. I'm in parenting also. I have friendships also. I have things in my life that matter to me

that go well and don't go well. So look, we're all dealing with the same shit. That's why I'm doing this, is to reach out and be real with you about what I've learned that is helping or not helping because I'm not doing what I've learned. And hopefully you will, so it'll get you to a better place. And it helps me to think that I may be helpful to you even if I'm not being helpful to myself. Does that make sense? I hope so. So that takes me to the gravamen of today. Why do you need to do it right now? Why is there no more time for delay?

Why is it crazy to wait because you could be dead tomorrow? Oh, that's fatalistic. God, that's the best you got. It is one of the oldest pieces of wisdom to motivate change. In Latin, it was phrased memento mori. Remember, you could die. Now, why? Because they were just really dramatic? No, because that's the reality. That's the truth. There is no guarantee of tomorrow. Oh yeah, but I'm young and I'm fit. Oh, does a bus care about that? Does a shooter care about that?

Does an accident care about that? Does something that's in you that you don't even know about that could just like that, know about that? You don't know. Don't be so arrogant as to think that you know when you're gonna think that you know when you're going to die or you know when you have to start to worry. Life comes at you fast and without warning. Now, I had shied away from this idea for some of the reasons that I just laid out there for a long

time because in my initial research on it, my understanding and recognition of it, it was derivative of the Puritan experience. And the Puritans used memento mori and its very common logo, which is a skull, skull art and all that stuff. Isn't just about people, you know, like liking the macabre. It's a metaphor. It's a reminder. And for them though, it was a form of religiosity that doesn't work for me, which is, you're going to burn forever if you don't do it right today. That doesn't work for me. No disrespect. And if it works, great for you, but not for me. So I was kind of, meh, that doesn't work. But then when I rediscovered it in my search and discovery and study of stoicism,

it is one of the major tenets of stoicism, of that philosophy. And it's basically a carpe diem thing, a seize the day thing, a why not now thing. And that works really well because I'll procrastinate as well as anyone. It's one of the reasons that I'm lucky to be in this business because of the immediacy, the everyday, the must, the exigency of having to do it today, having to write today. You know, I'm a little prone to blue phases and ups and downs, and it's good to have to get up,

have to motivate. Memento mori, remember, you could die. Live today, do now, try now, succeed, fail now, succeed, great, fail, good. Why? Because you learn. What do you learn from your successes? Think about it. The big change moments you've had in your life. Oh, I remember that time I hit that number in Blackjack and it really made me real. I remember that time that I got that gig and really I just killed it that night. What are you going to do?

You're going to do the same act every night? It's when you fail that you have to think, you have to try, you have to change, you have to adapt. That's how you grow. So don't worry about failure. Don't do that. Don't worry about anything.

That takes me to the second point. Well, why would you not worry about anything? That takes me to the second point. Why would you not worry about anything? Oh, I'm not saying that. I worry as like a personality trait, okay? And I know it's a waste of my time. I know that I can change nothing that happened before this sentence that I just said. I cannot do a God darn dash darn ding darn

thing to change anything. It doesn't matter how much I want to. It doesn't matter how much I reach out to whoever was wronged or whatever that was done or whatever I want to redo. It doesn't matter. It's done. It's in the past. It's over. Except for how you incorporate it, change or redo the next time. But to worry about it in the past, yeah, but I did that and they're going to come and they're going to hurt me or this is going to be said or I'm not going to get the job or the boss is going to find out or my wife is going to find out, my husband's going to get the job or the boss is going to find out or my wife is going to find out my husband's going to find out my this my that my that maybe but it hasn't happened yet so all you can do is what ah plan for the future and think about the future and how it's going to be better and how it's going to be this and how it's going to be that and then maybe worry that in the future you know maybe you won't get it right that time and maybe it's still going to be bad and maybe

i really should have just gotten out of this. Maybe I should really just change professions. Maybe following my passion is really the right thing, even though I probably won't get paid for it. Or maybe Galloway's right. And I really should just do what I'm going to get paid to do well. And then, no, that's not the answer. Why? You don't have any control over any of that either. You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow if tomorrow happens. You don't know, and you don't have a damn bit of influence over it. Because even if you assume that that's not true because you can assume what you do to prepare for tomorrow, but you don't control everything that goes along with that. You don't control you of tomorrow now. You don't control everybody else and everything else.

So what does that leave us with? I don't have anything there. If I don't have anything here, what do I have? You have what matters most, which we waste the most, which we value the least, some mushy Buddhist notion of now. Now. All you have is now. How do you decide to feel now? What do you decide to say? What do you decide to do? What do you decide not to say? What do you decide not to do now? It is everything. You know, in reading Alan Watts about what is Zen, okay, what is Zen? All right. Zen is basically the state of consciousness of being present, okay? Because that is the only consciousness that is competent. Because that is the only consciousness that is competent. Now, what is now?

What matters now? What am I doing now? That's what Zen is, to stay centered, stay in that place. It's a mentality. It's why they use breath work. Why? Because breathing is a really interesting dynamic. It's the only thing that is at once voluntary and involuntary, right? You must decide to breathe. But if you don't, you're going to do it anyway. Because it is both voluntary and involuntary, right? You must decide to breathe, but if you don't, you're going to do it anyway, because it is

both voluntary and involuntary. You can control how you do it, but you really can't control if you're going to do it at all. And that's why it's a centering mechanism. You breathe in, you breathe out. And then people will say, well, then that's all there is, is the breath. Well, that's not true. There's all kinds of life around the breath, but the point is that that's what you control. And this is a

really fundamental thing that I wish, I wish, I wish I lived more. The Chris Cuomo Project is supported by Cozy Earth. Why? Because I like their sheets. That's why. A lot of people don't get a good night's sleep for a lot of reasons. One of the ones that you can control is bedding. One out of three of us report being sleep deprived. Okay, well, what is it? Well, it stresses all kinds of things, but the wrong sheets can make you hot, can make you cold. I'm telling you, I don't even believe it either, but Cozy Earth sheets breathe. And here's what I love about them. Cozy Earth's best-selling sheep is a bamboo set, okay? Temperature-regulating. Gets softer with every wash.

I'm not kidding you, all right? Now, so if you go to CozyEarth.com and you enter the code, enter the code CHRIS, and you can get up to 35% off your first order. CozyEarth.com, and the code is Chris. We don't fake the funk here. And here's the real talk. Over 40 years of age, 52% of us experienced some kind of ED between the ages of 40 and 70. I know it's taboo, it's embarrassing, but it shouldn't be. Thankfully, we now have HIMS, and it's changing the vibe by providing affordable access to ED treatment, and it's all online. HIMS is changing men's health

care. Why? Because it's giving you access to affordable and discreet sexual health treatments, and you do it right from your couch. HIMS provides access to clinically proven, And you do it right from your couch. HIMS provides access to clinically proven generic alternatives to Viagra or Cialis or whatever. And it's up to like 95% cheaper. And there are options as low as two bucks a dose. HIMS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers. So if ED is getting you down, it's time to pick it up. Start your free online visit today at HIMS.com slash CCP.

H-I-M-S dot com slash CCP. And you will get personalized ED treatment options. HIMS.com slash CCP. Prescriptions? You need an online consultation with a healthcare provider. And they will determine if appropriate. Restrictions apply. You see the website, you'll get details and important safety information. You're going to need a subscription. It's required. Plus, price is going to vary based on product and subscription plan.

There's very little that you control, but you always control your own reasoned choice of how to deal with whatever happens. And the only place you can do that is in the present. Did I ever tell you the Kung Fu Panda line? The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift, that's why it's called the present. I got that from Kung Fu Panda, but I know that it's been said by many different people,

many different ways of saying it, but that's where I heard it, where it really got me. Sifu saying it in Kung Fu Panda. But it's really true. Look, you can learn from the past. You can plan for the future, but you're not going to change shit and you're not going to affect shit.

Not really. It's what you do now. And don't mistake what you do today as affecting the future. No, it's just affecting today. Could it mean something good or bad in the future? Yes. Yes. But it's all you control. And yet we spend so much energy on these other things. And by we, I mean me. And I hate it. Talk to my therapist about it. I meditate about it. I think about it.

I try not to think about it. I surround myself with people who don't do that. But I do it anyway. Why? I'm weak and I'm flawed. And I succumb to a lot of the bullshit in my own life. I don't come from an attitude of gratitude. I don't control my effort and my attitude primarily as the main agents of my animated self,

of what I'm going to do, of how I'm going to be. I get caught up in all the other bullshit that we all do. Memento mori. It could all be over tomorrow. Gee, I wish my demo had been a little higher. I don't understand why the ratings aren't increasing even more. I could be dead. How much energy do you want to put into that? But I really want people to just say this one thing that'll make me feel better. You may not have a chance tomorrow to do anything else or to experience anything else.

What really matters to you? Now, I'm not saying that that therefore means that every day all we should do is just stay in a clutching embrace of those who matter most to us because we're all going to die tomorrow. I don't know that. Of course not. It's that you should have a sense of urgency. Memento mori. Remember, you could die, man. Don't wait. Do. Try. Win. Lose. Do it. Redo it. Re-redo it. And remember that you've got to stay present and locked in. Now look,

That you've got to stay present and locked in. Now look, allowances, allowances. Today's a bad day. I'm not going to do as much. I'm not going to grind. Maybe I'll just take a walk. Maybe I'll just see somebody. Maybe I'll just eat a bag of Jack's.

Okay. Well, but wait a minute. I could die tomorrow and all I have is now. Hey, but you only control so much, man. If you are blue, if you are down. If you are blue, if you are down, if you are depressed, if you are grieving, if you are mourning, if you are in pain, then that is where you are and that's okay. There is an opportunity in everything, positive and negative. Well, how so, man? That sounds like some Pollyanna bullshit. First of all, Pollyanna is misunderstood, and Pollyanna bullshit.

First of all, Pollyanna's misunderstood, okay? Pollyanna was not delusional. Pollyanna decided to be an optimist. She decided to see whatever that was happening, no matter how disgusted or shocked or bemused the people around her were, as something that, you know, it's gonna be okay. So now we use it as to be derisive, as a pejorative, right?

Don't be a Pollyanna. What does that mean? Oh, that'd be fake optimism. Look, there's nothing fake about optimism if it informs your actions and your feelings about yourself and the situations around you. So you can be having a hard time. Those sirens could be for you, right? You say, God forbid, heaven forfend.

I hope not. Yeah, but you don't control any of it. We don't know who they're for. We don't know where they're going. We don't know who may not have a tomorrow or whose life just forever changed. And now they'll have a new sense of urgency about what they should have done all along.

Maybe there's a blessing in that. Maybe there's a blessing in all of it, every challenge, if you choose to. You know, I had some of you people come back at me about David Goggins and saying, I don't know why you're so into David Goggins, man. Everything he does is so extreme. No, actually everything he does is really simple.

It's really basic. He gives his all and he is constantly trying to determine what that means. Stay hard is his mindset of constantly testing yourself and conditioning yourself. You don't have to be David Goggins. Let's be honest. In all likelihood, you can't be David Goggins, okay? I know I'm not as disciplined.

I don't have the capacity to study or apply myself or to deal with the pain, to develop the kind of muscular and psychological endurance that he has. I can't do it or I won't do it, but that's okay. You can still see a challenge in adversity. If you're sad today, if you're depressed, if you don't want to do anything, if your diet is shit, if you've had a bad moment at work, at home, both, use it. Use it to take a break. Use it to think about why. Use it to think about how to do something differently that you weren't going to do before as your next with that person. You know, oh, Greg and I really fought today about what we were going to do with the blah, blah, blah. Okay. Okay. So what am I going to do when I see him? How am I going to reach out? What am I going to say? What am I not going to say? What am I not going to do

next time? There's an opportunity in everything. Remember, there is no guarantee of another chance. So every time you get one, do something with it. Do something with it. It can be a little thing. It can even mean that as a discipline. You know, I have a Snickers bar every day at 4 o'clock. And I really want to lose weight. Don't have the Snickers bar today. Try it just once.

You know, I have this habit. I try to do it half. You know, people say, I'm never going to drink again. I'm never going to do that again. I'm never going to eat sugar. I'm never going to eat meat. Just'm never going to do that again. I'm never going to eat sugar. I'm never going to eat meat. Just try less. Try less.

Less can work. Stay present. Stay now. The past is history. The future is a mystery. This is a gift. That's why it's called the present. I don't do this well.

I am not your guru. I am not your guide. I'm not your guide. I'm not your example. Except, except, be me in terms of thinking, damn, I can do better. Don't be me in terms of, but I deserve to do worse. Don't do that to yourself. Life will do it. Negative self-talk is just giving yourself an excuse to stay where you are and to screw

the people that you care about. And I do it too often. And it really bothers me. I work on it a lot. Remember, memento mori, there's no guarantee that we get another chance. So do something with this one. And remember, all the power is in you to just do what you can right now. And anything you do in any advancement of any goal is more than where you were before that thing. So it doesn't matter how big a step it is. My grandmother had a great line about lasagna. You know what lasagna is? It's a big tray, noodles, then some type of meat or vegetable. They know, they're all different kinds, right? Sauce, cheese, top, next layer of pasta, and they build these things, right?

Every bit counts. Well, but the noodles, but the meat, you know, those are the main, aren't they? Yeah, but everything adds to the flavor. Every layer, every aspect, every part, every ingredient matters. See your own progress that way. See your own existence that way. Every bit counts. Every bit of sugar, every bit of salt, every bit of good, every bit of bad. There are no guarantees that you get another chance. So every time you have one, make the most of it. And remember, just stay locked in to what you can deal with, what you can do, what you can understand, whom you can help, how you can feel now.

Does it make sense? It should because it's not complicated. But Lord knows it ain't easy. Something can be simple but hard, and that's life. Help others. Help yourself. Practice kindness. Try to do better.

Try to minimize worse. Easy to say, hard to do. If life were a written exam, we'd kill it. It's the practical that gets us. So good luck with yours. Make the most of your day. Make the most of your moment. Make the most of your now because it's all we have. I'm Chris Cuomo. Subscribe, follow. Thank you for doing both. I appreciate you giving me this opportunity to try to help somebody else, even if I'm not going to help myself. And hopefully I can do both.

And so can you. See you next time.