The Chris Cuomo Project - Cuomo On The Couch: Why Rigidity Fails and Flexibility Wins

Episode Date: October 5, 2023

Chris Cuomo tackles the concept of flexibility and changing your mind. He discusses how being adaptable, rather than rigid, allows you to respond to changing facts and priorities. Chris reflects on his own struggles with stubbornness and shares wisdom from Marcus Aurelius on cultivating a flexible will. Follow and subscribe to The Chris Cuomo Project on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube for new episodes every Tuesday and Thursday: https://linktr.ee/cuomoproject Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

But philosophy is not far-fetched and esoteric. It can help you recognize one of the biggest problems we all have in our daily lives. Listen, if you know anything about me, you know I've been doing AG1 for over five years, okay? Why? Well, because I heard about it just as I was looking at all of these white and translucent brown bottles in my life. Had to be a dozen of them, okay? Which vitamins I took with when, with food, in the morning, at night, and it was making it so that I didn't even want to deal with it anymore. Then I discovered AG1. One scoop,

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Why not just D3? Combinations matter for absorption. And you'll get five free AG1 travel packs. Very cool, because you can't get through the TSA otherwise. Go to drinkag1.com CCP. That's drinkag1.com slash CCP. Check it out. Take control of your health. The Chris Cuomo Project is supported by Cozy Earth. Why? Because I like their sheets. That's why. A lot of people don't get a good night's sleep for a lot of reasons. One of the ones that you can control is bedding.

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Still thinking about what it is to be a critical thinker and to have reasons behind your actions and inactions that help guide you to better actions or inactions. And here's one of the best examples of how philosophy can make a difference in your life as it has in mine. Now, full warning in red and blinking, blinky, blinky, blinky. I don't do this well, but it is true, okay?

So, this comes from the daily stoic. As you may know, stoicism is a branch of philosophy that I find very interesting and relatable and helpful in everyday life as opposed to, you know, some of the more, you know, far-fetched or esoteric or, you know, or less relatable ideas that philosophy can go into, which is fine. Whatever you're into, you're into. But for me, I like to keep it practical. And The Daily Stoic is a great book, okay, written by a guy named Ryan Holiday and his co-author. And one of the entries hit right on target of something both of us need to know and do. Ready? Flexibility of the will. This is from Marcus Aurelius, known as the last of the good Roman emperors. He kept all these diaries of lessons that he learned from life and Stoicism. He was a student of the Stoics.

And when he died, he told one of his people to destroy the diaries and they didn't. Lucky they didn't. Marcus said this, remember that to change your mind and to follow someone's correction are consistent with a free will. Change your mind, follow someone's correction, follow someone's correction, consistent with free will. We don't usually hear that. More. Because the action, even in the change, is yours alone to fulfill its purpose in keeping with your impulse and judgment and yes, with your intelligence.

So what does that mean? The way Ryan explains it is, are you somebody who once you say you're going to do something, you follow through no matter what? Now, that can be a good thing or it can be a not so good thing. Why? Because what happens when conditions change involving whatever that is? What happens when facts change, when additional facts come in, when different interests come in, when you don't feel the same way that you did at the beginning? Do you still have to finish? If you do, then Holiday

says you're really acting no better than a robot. Although now with AI, who knows what robots are capable of. The point is, you can have an iron will, but you need to be what Ryan Holiday says is adaptable. What I say is open, and it's in step with being a critical thinker. How do we see this? I often have a hard time admitting when I'm wrong, if I'm involved in something, if somebody says something that kind of proves that what I'm saying isn't true, whether it's my kid or my wife or my friend or wherever it is.

It can be hard for me. I don't want to get it. I lose. I look weak. I look less than. The other person is going to have advantage and I don't like them or I don't like what it's about or I'm embarrassed. Whatever it is, you stick to a bad position sometimes. Now, that's just human weakness, right? And that's a behavior and that's a personality shift. But sometimes it's a little bit more rooted like this is what i believe about this and you don't change even as people try to introduce new facts to you you didn't want to get uh you know this type of shampoo uh when you thought that it was just because of this one reason and so you don't like that reason but now there are new reasons for it you're still going to hold on to the same position. You got to be adaptable.

I'll tell you a profound way that this affects. All right. During the pandemic, we made a decision as a society, not us. We didn't have anything to do with it. The government made a decision to have scientists become the main messengers for the pandemic. Trump did it as a way of skirting responsibility, in my opinion, and it worked. And Tony Fauci became a household name,

Burke's household name, others, Biden, same thing. That was flawed. And here's why. Science and politics don't work the same way. Here's politics. I am against taxes, read my lips. No new taxes. No matter what happens with revenues, no matter what happens with the military, no matter what happens with what needs, right? You're going to try and find a way around it or to justify that you didn't change your

position. That's politics. Science is the opposite. Make sure that you clean all your surfaces, clean all your fruit, clean all your groceries, clean your hands with acid and everything else because this COVID you're getting from touch. Then it turns out, no, you're not getting it from touch. It doesn't really spread that way. It's aerosolized. Oh, okay, don't worry about cleaning the vegetables or any of that stuff.

Don't wear a mask because it's based on touch and you'll touch the mask and you'll touch yourself. And we've seen with infections that spread that way, makes it worse to wear a mask, don't wear a mask. Oh, it's aerosolized. Okay, wear the mask because that's the best way we're going to have to do anything to break down on how much viral content there is and what's coming out of you. The sputum. Well, wait a minute. You said one thing. Now you said another. You hear people getting killed for this all the time. Fauci said this. Then he said that he's a liar. No, he changed his opinion because the underlying facts changed. Oh, no, that means he didn't know what he was

talking about the first time. No, it doesn't. You're not used to that because the dynamic in politics is you don't change a position. I'm pro-life, as if people are pro-death. And the interesting thing is people are pro-death. You know who are pro-death? A lot of pro-life people. Wait, how? They're pro-life. They're not pro-death. Pro- who are pro-death? A lot of pro-life people. Wait, how? Are they pro-life? They're pro-death. Pro-death penalty? Oh, but that's different because you're making it different.

You see what I'm saying? You're making it okay. It's philosophically inconsistent. If you're pro-life and you don't have the determination as a human to intercede on God's will, then you don't have the right to do that anywhere. And you can misconstrue the Bible all you want.

Wasn't Jesus's teaching. And you're a Christian, right? So don't hit me with this Old Testament thing because that's not really your book, is it? That was a vengeful God. He's not your God. That's not Jesus's message. So you make that okay.

Why? Rigidity, rigidity. We believe in this and we can't get off our belief. It's a difference between a principle and performance of that principle and you want to embrace flexibility because that's how you get better outcomes in your own life by being flexible flexibility is its own strength anybody who works out and knows. It's not a weightlifter in the world that you'll meet who doesn't wish he or she were more flexible. Why? Injury prevention. The elasticity of the muscle is what allows it to go through states of hypertrophy and heal, right? You get

too stiff at the attachment points, that's where you tear. That's where you really injure. Flexibility. Same thing in thought. Same thing in the performance of your life. How do you feel about something? Well, let it be dependent on the underlying circumstances as much as possible. I don't like ice cream. I don't eat ice cream.

It's bad for you. Dessert is for children. Yeah, okay. What about if you've killed it? You're making amazing memories with people that you love and your diet's going great. And your kid is like, hey, let's go get some ice cream. Now, how do you feel about ice cream?

Now it's a pretty good idea, right? Well, I can't. I've always said that it's a stupid position. Let it go with the underlying facts. Should we be involved in Ukraine? What are the facts? Oh, okay. Now Russia's expanding. They're going to go to Poland. Our facts have changed. Now we have involved in Ukraine? What are the facts? Oh, okay, now Russia's expanding.

They're going to go to Poland. Our facts have changed. Now we have to take a different posture. That's flexibility. There is a misunderstanding that rigidity is righteousness and insistence is certitude. They're not. And that's what Marcus Aurelius was saying. That's what Ryan Holiday is trying to explain as being adaptable. A will that makes full use of reason to clarify perception, impulse, and judgment to act effectively for the right purpose. It's not weak to change and adapt.

I'm gonna punish my kid. I told him, you do this. I told her, you do this. I told they, whatever you call your kid. I'm going to punish my kid. I told him you do this. I told her you do this. I told they, whatever you call your kid. I'm doing that. Yeah, but this is their biggest game of the season. Yeah, but they also did this amazing thing that you didn't know about. Yeah, but they actually heard you doing this really shitty thing yourself.

Oh, all right. Well, now I see a little different. I didn't know that. I know. You didn't know. so now you can change. Let the facts guide the feelings, not the feelings guide how you receive the facts. We don't fake the funk here, and here's the real talk.

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So make it. Go to drinkag1.com slash ccp. Drinkag1.com slash CCP. Check it out. This is a really, really important lesson that is very powerful and very helpful in life. And I don't do a good job with it. And sometimes even in a silly way, the protest beard for Biden not going to East Palestine. Biden ain't going to East Palestine. Biden ain't going to East Palestine.

Not at least in any window that's comfortable for me because I feel like scratching my face off right now. So I take a look at the facts. I want to stay consistent with my purpose, which is what? Giving shit to the president? No, of course not. Wanting to grow a beard? Absolutely not.

Clearly I can't. But I want attention on East Palestine for the right reasons. So what's the president? No, of course not. Wanting to grow a beard? Absolutely not. Clearly, I can't. But I want attention on East Palestine for the right reasons. So what's the adjustment? All right, I did the protest beard. He doesn't give a shit. They're not going. Okay, I will. We'll go. Just to show how simple it is. I'm not president of the United States. He's got a gazillion times more things to balance and of importance than I do professionally, that's for sure. But we'll just go. Well, no, you said you were going to grow the beard until he went. So what?

It's about what is the point of purpose? What's the point of your purpose? And that's what you want to do justice by. That's what you want to be consistent with. to do justice by. That's what you want to be consistent with. And this is a really interesting thing that we really do and that you will definitely see around you. God bless you if you're not somebody who's plagued by this. I certainly am. And I work on it a lot. I try very much, and you'll even see it on this podcast. I've tried to make less declarative comments and make things more questions like, this is something you shouldn't do. All right.

Now, I think a better way to say that is actually, boy, we really do get caught up doing it this way too often and to our own disadvantage, don't we? Boy, it's a lot less accusatory, right? It's a lot easier to swallow. Why? Because it's including me and you, putting us on equal footing, that it's not just about you and it's not one being less than, and it's not judgment, it's not criticism. That's hard for me to do. I'm used to doing it the other way. I feel like, no, you should make a declarative statement. If you have something to say, you should say it.

Don't make it a question if you're actually offering it as an answer. But I don't know that that's the best way. Why? Because I feel that the other way is more influential to people and more suggestive and more helpful. That's the whole point. That's the underlying principle. That's the purpose that I want to be true to. For instance, the walk-in talks. Okay, so what I've been able to figure out from my research on why people are doing what they're doing, thanks to this outside IT service I'm using, that's not really the same audience. There's a little bit of overlap on this,

but here's what I think about what's happening right now. And here's an interview with somebody who's relevant to what's going on in the world around us of news, politics, and information is not the same audience as the walk and talk audience. And I had been going back and forth about like, well, how do I best serve the audience? Well, it turns out I have two. And that this audience of people who are into philosophy and self-help and kind of thinking about those issues. And it was really interesting when they gave me the research and what made me realize that they were right or that they were on to something, rather. I realized that all of the paid political yappers and, you know, the fringe folk who just court controversy and are just nasty

asses, like that's how they make their name in their game, attack all this stuff. Why? They don't get it. It's not their, it doesn't make sense. It's not their world. It's not how they live. And again, it's not a judgment. I don't really give a fuck about any of them. But the point is, why? Because I don't respect what they're doing. And that's okay. I don't have to. Whatever makes them successful, whatever works for them is fine. That's what a free country is about.

But they don't want to talk about philosophy and what makes you feel a certain way and how you deal with that and what struggle is and what suffering is. That is all weakness to them. That is all fodder for attack and criticism and judgment because that's what they're in, right? And that is that binary battle to the bottom of our politics. You're not going to see people get up and say things that make them vulnerable to you,

unless they have to because they're in apology mode because they got busted on something they're trying to survive. That's a different world. It's a different set of appetites and interests. So the walk and talk things, I think I got to do as an offshoot, as a subscription thing. I'll do it as a subscription thing that's really a contribution thing, because I want to give the money, first of all, to the people who produce it, right? And then I want to take the money that comes from that subscription base and do something with it that we believe is cool.

You know what I mean? A good crowdsource consequence as opposed to some function of cancel culture. So that's what I'll probably do with that for the walk and talk crowd. And I know you guys are frustrated I haven't been putting them out, but I only have so much time and I didn't want to defeat the purpose of the audience until I realized what was of most service. You see what I'm doing? I'm adapting. I'm changing. It's not comfortable and it's not easy. And I'm not sure whether it's right. And I feel like, oh, I should be doing it and they do well. And maybe the subscription and what is that? How much do I charge? I wanted to stay

where I was because I was comfortable there. I understood it. But nothing changes if nothing changes. And you have to be flexible. And it doesn't mean that you're weak. It doesn't mean that you're backing off your principles. You know what I mean? It doesn't mean that you're not following your will and conviction. It's about the point of purpose and serving that purpose. It's okay to change your opinion on something if your facts and understandings of the same have changed. Watching true crime. I think Murdoch did it. I think Alec Murdoch did it. I mean, who else would do it? Who else would kill his wife and son? Well, wait a minute. There's some holes in this case. Is there doubt? You can go back and forth. I go back and forth on cases.

Sometimes you don't know that because that's not my job is to tell you where my head is on a story in real time. It's for you to judge from the people who are in the business of doing that and to learn from the people who are in the business of doing that and to learn from the people who are involved in the case of controversy, and then you make your own decisions. But things can change in politics. You want to be for one guy, then you're for her, then you're for him. Why? The facts change, your understanding changes. It's not weakness. Vacillating is a

suggestion of there being no real legitimate basis for the movement, right? That's the way it's seen as if it's an ambivalence, meaning that there's equal value on each side. Well, that doesn't have to be the case. It can be that now something matters more to you. When John McCain was running, boy, he had that race won if it was going to be just on terrorism and keeping us safe. Then the economy went to shit and he'd been telling everybody, I'm not an economics guy, that's not me, but I'm here to keep you safe. I mean, the facts changed. It changed the calculus for a slew of voters and he wound up losing. I'm not saying it was the only factor, but it was a

factor and it changed opinions. It's okay to change. I'd never allow my kid to do this. Yeah, until you know that that's all your kid wants to be about is that thing, that she doesn't want to do ballet. She wants to do baseball or he doesn't want to be a team sports kid. He wants to be a gamer. Well, I'll never do that. My kid's going to be outside. You're going to be an athlete, whatever it is. That's not strength. Rigidity is not always strength. Flexibility, adaptability, hewing to your convictions of your point of purpose and your principles as seen through the lens of pragmatism, a word we use very rarely, almost as rarely

as philosophy. If you ask me what my personal politics are, I would go with my father's understanding. Now, he was a Democrat, right? By today's reckoning, they don't use the word liberal anymore. They say progressive. I don't think he would have liked it based on what he sees those people being about and how they go about it. More importantly, he was a liberal. That's what he was. But he used to say, you should be a progressive pragmatic. Progressive has changed in meaning to me like far left now, or at least that's the code usage of it. But pragmatism is right. You know your principles, but then you find the best way. What's your position on something? Depends what it is. Depends where we are with it and what the

and what the goal is of the people I represent. I think that's good. That's what I try to do in my own life with how I look at politics and who I want to vote for or not or what I think about a policy or not. And that's how I get to a lot of places that people see as false equivalencies because I'm balancing the interests of both parties

and they see that as weakness. I don't. I think you should have border security. I think you should detain people who enter illegally, send them back right away unless they have an overwhelming asylum claim. You should review the asylum laws and either expand them to meet economic difficulties

and these other rationales, or if you're going to stick with them, you better have a lot more ability to process and turn people away quickly and make the home country agreements again and have more of the processing done there and really ramp up your ability to hold people you do detain in a good way, a humane way before you send them home.

I think you should do all of those things. And if people are going to be here, they should be working and contributing to the system and to their own lives and to their own dreams. What's so complicated about that? You know who thinks that way? Everybody who's ever run CBP. Most of the men and women down on the border. Politicians know this. The problem works better for them than the solution. Why? Rigidity. The left can look at the right and fairly say, these people have no heart. And the right can look at the left and say, yeah, and you have no head and no respect for law and

order. And they're both right. Why? Because they're all about the problem, not solutions. Because they're all about which one of them is worse. That's not how you want to live your life. Be flexible, be adaptable to what matters in a situation that keeps you close to your principles and your purpose. This is how you marry philosophy with practicality. So I'm not going to eat dessert. Bam, I bang out a banana pudding like it was a dead man's meal. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

Well, that's it. A diet shot. Might as well have pancakes tomorrow. No, adapt. You did something shitty, Now you do something well. You make an adjustment. Yeah, but you know, I said I wasn't going to do it and I did it. So now forget it.

Failure is a given. Change is a given. It's okay. Change doesn't have to be failure. And that's the way we see it, especially in our politics. Don't make that mistake in your personal life. All right. Marcus Aurelius said it.

The Stoics believed it. Most great thinkers will tell you that adaptability and flexibility and changing opinions on things as facts and underlying understandings change is intelligence, okay? Not weakness, but strength. I hope that makes sense to you. It certainly does to me. I hope that makes sense to you. It certainly does to me. I just struggle with it mightily in the practice of my daily life.

How does it work for you? What do you think about it? Do you do it? What's your take on whether it's helpful or not? Let me know, all right? Subscribe, follow, appreciate you here and at News Nation, 8 p.m., 11 p.m., every weekday night.

Thank you for giving me a chance. Take care of yourself and take care of the people you care about. That's what matters.