The Chris Cuomo Project - Walk and Talk: Do the Inventory

Episode Date: March 26, 2023

In a candid and honest Walk and Talk on a cold, rainy day, Chris Cuomo explores the need to take stock of things in your life that you want to do more of and do less of, and why it’s important to lean into discomfort.  Follow and subscribe to The Chris Cuomo Project on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube for new episodes every Tuesday and Thursday. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for a walk and talk and I don't want to be here. It is cold. It is rainy and nasty. So why am I doing it? Because nobody wants to do this right now and I need to get myself back into a groove of doing what I don't like, what isn't easy, but helps me as a catalyst for desired change. David Goggins. Now, you ain't going to be David Goggins, okay? I'm surprised David Goggins is David Goggins. But there's so much truth and so much of what he illustrates in his own life and his own thinking. Sometimes you go out there and do it because the people are driving by and being like, what is that fat guy doing out there in shorts walking along? That's why I'm doing it. Because you don't want to do it.

Because it's easier not to do it. And I get caught up in that. Do you? Chances are yes. Have you ever done a personal inventory? Sat down. Paper. Writing instrument. Sat down. Paper. Writing instrument. Or whatever. You can do it on a laptop.

Doesn't matter. But. What you like. What you don't like. Where you're at. Where you want to be. Relationships. Work.

Sure. Work's going to be the easiest. By the way. My job. Is the easiest part of my life. Now, part of that is because I'm dusty, but I know what to do. I know how to do the job. So many years, so many reps. And the game that is played is so obvious.

That is played. Is so obvious. And I know. That. There's such an appetite for different. And better and reasonable. Instead of left right. That.

I see. Where to be and where not to be. Sometimes it's obvious. The nation was captivated by the Murdoch trial. Hey I'll take crime. political controversy any day. Why? Because that's all hype that only matters in the battle of the two teams. And you guys can stay in the place of, yeah, but our team's way better than the other one. stay in the place of, yeah, but our team's way better than the other one. Don't do false equivalency.

It doesn't matter. The game is killing us. And I see that. And we see that the audience doesn't want it. Of course, politics matters. Of course, government and governance own a very important space. Got to cover it. But that's not what all this BS is that's in the news.

That's just the game. Now, by the way, I'm walking uphill. What is this? Why are you breathing so heavy? And I'm 25 pounds heavier. Because I've been doing all this hypertrophic weightlifting. Why? Because I'm trying to reset and get into a place of doing what I don't like to do as a catalyst to getting where I want to be. Personal inventory. I did it. I didn't like it.

Why? Because, you know, because I'm not satisfied. I'm not comfortable. I'm not... I don't like where I am and what's going on and what the dynamics have been. As a parent, partner, professional, honeybee, personally,

I'm just not on my game, not the way I want to be. And I thought a few tweaks would make a difference, but it didn't. So I had to sit down, figure out what I like, what I don't like, what I can control, what I can't, what to do about what I can control, What to do about what I can control. And how much I'm willing to risk in that regard. Because, you know, I have some weird dynamics going on in my life. But everybody's got stuff going on.

So, five minutes into the walk and talk. What are we talking about? Doing what's hard. Doing what you don't want to do. Discomfort training. Cold showers suck. Some of you are doing ice baths and stuff like that. Look, I've done research on it. It's an emerging area. With this cryotherapy, be careful. And be reasonable. The idea that you need to sit in it for 5-10 minutes. Look at the research. Alright, if you're not something like ultra marathon or something. You know, a little

bit, you can go a long way. So, discomfort training. You do it because you don't want to do it. And it helps you with doing other things that you don't want to do it. And it helps you with doing other things that you don't want to do. I believe that. I believe that it is, at a minimum, soft science of behavioral change.

And that's why I'm out here walking. And I really like doing these walking talks. I'm very satisfied, gratified that you guys like them. In fact, they're doing pretty competitively with most of the other stuff that we're putting out, even with like the big names and stuff. What does that tell you? I'm not sure yet, but happy to keep doing them if they keep helping. If they help, I'll do it. I mean, that is one of my only things that I have central in my

mind all the time. Is this helpful? Is this helpful in any way? It's amazing what a great way. It's amazing what a great clue is to your behavior and your lifestyle. Is this helpful? What you're saying right now, what you're doing, what you're eating, what you're drinking, how you're moving or not moving, what you're doing at work,

what you're doing in relationships that matter. Is it helpful? I'll tell you, that is a good cue for me. So I'm out here doing something I don't want to do. I already worked out today. I'm just about done with this loading phase. I can't take it. I hate every workout. Hate it. I hate every workout. Hate it.

So heavy. I mean, the numbers won't mean anything to you, but when I was playing ball in school, I was once 240. I'm like 6'2". I was 6'2.5". Now I'm like barely 6'2". Why? Well, I'm old, but I also have these discs issues in my back.

Anyway, I'm fine. So, but I've been around 210 for a long time. Then when I got shit canned and I was kind of like in this like tailspin and trying to just level myself out and figure out how fucked I was and why and what to do about it and how to shore up all the relationships around me that matter my responsibilities and my family so I started to lift weights as a way of kind of just dealing with the stress and all that and I was eating you know more and then i was eating more because i wanted to get stronger and my body had muscle memory so up up up up up now i'm like 237 um now it ain't the 237 that it was back in the day when I was playing when I you know had like big thick thighs and I

was explosively fast and a great leaper and incredible hand speed dexterity flexibility small waist you know now I'm shaped like a pear then I was shaped like an inverted triangle you know um but but I always had big legs. You know, I mean, I was working out a lot. So it was very different. This is like a dad bod, the 237. So it's time to cut. And that's why I'm going to work with Dr. Mark Hyman,

try out his stuff for you. See how it works on the regular guy here, as opposed to somebody who, you know, that's their life is being in shape. This is certainly not mine. It's part of my life, but I got a lot of distracted focus like the rest of you, which is why the personal inventory is so important. You got to put it down what's working for you and what isn't, what you want to change, what you want to keep. And, you know, if you Google this idea, you'll see. I mean, people sell templates for it and stuff, but you don't need that.

And then it gives you an organic action plan. You know, what's wrong with your relationship with your kids or your parents or your parents or your partner, whatever, whoever's significant in your life, write it down. Not doing well with mom. You piece of crap.

No, I'm kidding. You're not doing well with mom. Why? Well, she's getting needy. I don't have the time. She doesn't understand. She's a pain in my ass about my kid. Whatever it is. Okay. Are you okay with that? No. All right. What do you need to do? how do I help explain it?

How do I expose my mom in different ways to my life so that I don't have the same kind of conflict? Okay, good. Work, I'm stagnating. Stupid job, I don't know what to do. I want to get to this level. Okay, talk to somebody at that level. How did they get there? What do you not have?

Where are you off? You see what I'm saying? Personal inventory. Now, I got to tell you, this is not a comfortable process. Why? Because, you know, it's so easy to almost irrationally build yourself up or tear yourself down. Now, I'm sure you've witnessed both of these people around you. I am a tear yourself down. I am a natural self-loather. And I always kind of think to myself, you know, I'm used to very exaggerated opinions about me because I'm in the media, right? So from how you look

to why you're good and then to why you're bad, I see them as all exaggerated. You know, the praise is exaggerated and the hate is of course exaggerated. And the hate is a bigger commodity because negativity is a proxy for insight and we are addicted to negativity in our culture we want to see people go down uh it's all over the place it's everywhere we're hostile we violate it and that's what it is and sometimes i'll see ah Cuomo, you know, the negative is arrogant. By definition, it would be almost impossible for me to be arrogant. I don't think I'm better than anyone. I am a pronounced self-loather. I work on it with my therapist. It's part of my personal inventory. In fact, on this walk that I'm taking you on right now, I go past the

cemetery where I try to bury behaviors and habits, memories, traumas, put them away, bury them. Self-talk, negative self-talk. I've buried that piece of natch about six times in this cemetery, and it keeps rising from the dead. Lazarus effect. And why? Because it's hard. Change is hard, and there's something comforting about betting on badness and never surprised by it then. And I come back to this theme a lot because I know it resonates with a

lot of you. I read your comments and know I'm never going to out who you are or what you're about. You're talking to me in a quasi-confidence and I get that. Now look, if somebody, you know, ever wanted me to say their name and, you know, whatever, and I thought it was instructive for other people, I would, of course, but you could tell me these things. I'm not going to say anything. other people, I would, of course, but you can tell me these things. I'm not going to say anything. That's not the point of this. There's no currency for me in that. I want to help. I really want to help. I want my problems and my struggles and my travails to help you avoid the same in your own life or deal with what's in your own life. And I'm telling you, I know this is hard.

My hands are so stiff right now, like an idiot. I forgot to wear gloves. Um, but I'm out here. Why? Because I don't want to be. And I know there's a benefit. I'm getting to have another conversation with you. I'm getting to burn some calories. I'm getting to move some of the lactic acid out of my legs from this stupid workout this morning I'm out, I'm breathing I'm clear in my head these are good things yeah, but it's freezing yes, I know

sucks, it's wet, nasty yes, I know it's triggering your histamine response oh, your sinuses, I know oh, I can't wait to get back. I know. Me either. But a lot of life is like that. That what you have to do to get to where you want to be sucks. Well, I got to learn to shut my mouth around so-and-so because it will help my relationship get better. I got to dial back the judgment and just learn to listen and not want to fix.

I mean, that's all that's required with her, him. I just got to be there. I just got to show up. In large measure, the probabilities tell us that the reason the deficiency exists is because you don't want to do what it is. It's rare that it's that, well, I didn't know. Great. If it's about ignorance, that's an easy change. You know, once somebody around you tells you what they need, you have an easy choice. Either you do it or you don't. But,

very often, you do know. And you don't want to do it. Why? Because he's a pain in the ass. Because he doesn't deserve it. Because she's... So then it's going to be something else. And if I give it on there...

You know, there's always a rationale, right? But there's rarely a mystery. That's where the inventory comes in. You don't have to list everything. Just what comes front of mind about what you want to take on. And, by the way, it doesn't have to just be why you suck. That's what my list is. But it can also be what you're doing right.

What's Wilkinson doing? Because you can lean into that also. You know, success can be as contagious as mediocrity, I'm saying. It's as easily a repeated dynamic. Just as a learning tool, as a simple function of human behavior, we tend to resonate more with negative outcomes.

Why? Because they're dangerous. They threaten us. They threaten what matters, our safety, our well-being. So you learn more from your lapses. That has absolutely been true for me. Now, the frustration is, it doesn't mean you're never going to make that mistake again, or at least not in my life. I mean, I have an amazing ability to repeat mistakes. But that ties into the self-loathing and what I think I deserve. I read this book. You get the love you think you need.

Something like that. I think that's really true. You know, you see it in people. You ever have somebody gets out of a relationship, and they wind up with somebody else, same kind of dynamic, and you're like, uh, you don't know what to say? But why? Because if that person hasn't changed, changed their expectations, changed their appetites,

changed what is needing of change in their own lives, then what do you think they're going to find? So you do the inventory. You mark it down. Now you have it. I want to do more of this and this. I need to do less of this and this. I want to get to this point. Professionally, personally, fitness, whatever. It doesn't matter.

And usually they go together, you know. Life is about correlated consequences. You're out of shape. It's not going to help your dating game. It's not going to make you more appealing at work. You know, we can do all of this. Everybody's beautiful as we want. It happens to not be true. It shouldn't matter how you look in terms of judging your value or your virtue. But in terms of your viability as an attractive person, of course it matters. You know, and you can be fat and not completely unhealthy, but there's a reason that the human body, when it's eating well and moving well and resting well, very important, looks the way those people tend to look and not like the rest of our fat asses so the idea that those are equivalent that's about a lap standard and we got them all over the place in our culture right now we are so you know scott galloway has his book out of drift i don't believe we're drift

i believe that i mean his book is really good, by the way. And his theory is totally solid. But I don't even see us as adrift. Adrift to me means you're kind of off your course, but you don't really have any specific course in mind that you're trying to tack to.

And I believe we are. I think we're heading for the rocks on purpose. Because we're in this zero-sum battle to the to. And I believe we are. I think we're heading for the rocks on purpose. Because we're in this zero-sum battle to the bottom war of attrition with ourselves. And I think we see we're at the rocks and we're like, good, hopefully they get more fucked up by the rocks than I do. That's what I think we're doing right now. And I think we see it in everything. We got a real problem with young men. Including young white men. We know the problem with young men, including young white men.

We know the problems with young black men, if you pay any attention. But you have problems with young men, period. We don't value them. I totally get why. And look, I know a lot of people are going to roll their eyes and say, oh, please, you know, what we need with diversity is not to go back to men, let alone white men. We have to get away from them. I don't think it's as simple as that. And I think we're seeing a fundamental recoil that is bad for the left

and the ambitions of liberalism and of equity, frankly. Because if you think this Dilbert guy is a one-off, you're kidding yourself. And I got to tell you, I don't think the guy's a racist. What are you talking about? He said, don't get away from black people. He was responding. Gil advised, by the way, given the climate that he knows he's in.

He's a very smart guy. That stupid poll from Rasmussen that no news organization respects, by the way, no real news organization, was clickbait to foment racial division. Blacks don't think it's okay to be white. What does that even mean? I've got a lot of people of color in my life. I've never heard anything like that.

I've never heard anything like most of what passes for left-right BS from the people in my life. You know, I don't have a lot of media friends. Cognoscenti friends,

or political insider friends friends believe it or not back to the main point as we wrap up here i don't want to go more than 25 minutes unless you guys tell me that helps you i don't know who only walks for 25 minutes that's not a bad cardio i'll work out on a machine but if you're actually walking I think you've got to shoot for an hour I don't have time, of course you do you make the time, that's the point of the inventory what do you like what do you not like

lean in to doing more of what you like less of what you don't like fix what you can based on what you control and you'll see it there in front of you and you're going to see that a lot of things that you want to change, do more of, do less of, are hard.

Look for the easy way. We look for the easy way. Most of us. Not Goggins, but like most of us. but like most of us but that's learned behavior by that cat and it's hard and we are set up to avoid what's hard we live in a culture in a society that is all about finding the easy way take this pill one simple you know easy way to lose belly fat. Do this for two minutes before you go to bed and you lose 100 pounds. You know, all this bullshit. Change is hard. Lasting change is really hard. Consistency is hard.

Constancy is hard. We are all about the occasional, and you know it. Think about what you do all the time. And I'll give you a hint. What you do most often is what you'll do best. You eat shitty food most often, you'll be good at getting fat. You work out consistently. Come on, I mean, you get all this this Nothing I tell you guys is original thought Nothing I tell you is some guru attempt Or hidden truth or secret

Come on, don't buy into that There's very little mystery in our world But there can be some magic I believe that I believe in magic, I believe in unexpected outcomes. I don't believe in luck. I believe in fortune, but I think it's about circumstance and chance and effort and sometimes dynamics that you have no control over. There's definitely preferences and prejudices that play a role

in those circumstances. But this idea that well, that guy's just lucky. Take a look at him or her a little bit closer and you'll see that is a little bit more than some randomness to whatever

it is that you're coveting. So, we're at the cemetery. God, it's cold. Um, what am I going to bury here? Well, first, what do you want to bury?

This is about you. I'm sick of hearing about myself. That's for sure. This is a cemetery. It's mostly a family called Ranger. Very 18, right after Civil War. Or thereafter, you know, like 1850s, like 1870, I think. Ranger Mary, isn't that amazing?

Anyway, my area is filled with this stuff. It's a really old, homey, original kind of areas that were settled. What am I going to bury? I'm going to say it to myself. And then I'll tell you, I got to believe that things can get better across the board. I got to believe that. I don't believe that you can speak it into existence, but I do think there's something

a little to that energetically. I made my inventory this morning. I know what I got to do. I know what I got to do I know what I want to do now how much of it will I do it's funny how life is as we wind up here you make your personal inventory you realize that the things that you want in your life

more of and less of are going to be about effort it's going to be hard and everything that's worthwhile in your life, more of and less of, are going to be about effort. It's going to be hard. And everything that's worthwhile in life is hard. Failing is easy. Learning from failure is hard. Mediocrity is easy. Getting to a better place is hard.

Everything of value is hard. A good relationship is hard. Fitness is hard a good relationship is hard fitness is hard success is hard and that's okay you just got to figure out what you have in you in that regard and what you're willing to do because let me tell you, hard work, the grind, I often say, is the only glory. Why? Because there's no outcome guaranteed. Just because you bust your ass doesn't mean that you're going to get that promotion. It doesn't mean that your investing is going to go right. It doesn't mean your marriage, your girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever friend, kids,

that they're going to turn out right. It's just that all you control is attitude and effort. You don't control outcomes. We think you are God. You're not God. You ever hear the expression, man plans, God laughs? Do the inventory.

Recognize the need for hard work. Make yourself uncomfortable. Get people around you who are getting it in, who have that grind mentality. You hang out with people who are pizza first, what do you think is going to happen to you? You are the company you keep, who's in your foxhole. All the metaphors apply. Energetically, you start doing the right things, it's more likely that you keep doing the right things. You keep believing good can happen. It can't reduce the chances

that good will happen as long as you're putting in the requisite effort. So energetically, I do think, I'm not saying that what you put out, vibes, come back, all that, I'm not saying that what you put out, vibes, come back, all that, whatever. Believe what you want to believe. But it has to be helpful. I'm not talking about delusion. I'm saying just in terms of your state of mind. It's an immutable truth that everything that happens is only as good or as bad as you think it is.

That's it. No, no. I lost the race. I lost. Yeah. How do you feel about losing the race? That's the truth. Yeah, but they say I should have won.

And I mean, do you think you should have won? No. I mean, I actually felt like I had all I had on that day. There you go. Who the fuck? Who are these people? Now, easy for me to say. Right? I don on that day. There you go. Who the fuck? Who are these people? Now easy for me to say. Right? I don't do that. I have people swimming

in my head that don't belong there on a regular basis. People taking bullshit shots that I know they're just doing to gain advantage. Playing in this sick game of negativity. I see it. I know it. I know how to play it. I know how not to play it, and yet I'm affected by it.

Why? Because I'm weak. Back to the inventory list. Back to what you want to do more of and less of, and then lean into the discomfort. All right? That's what I got for you. Look how far I got to go to get home. This will probably be like a five-mile but look you know what I'm not as cold as I was my hands I but you know what I did it and it'll make it a little bit more likely

and when I go back in there how life, you know what my boy is doing right now? Making cinnamon rolls. Just what I freaking need, right? I look like a cinnamon roll, but that's life. And now I got a choice. It'd be nice if I could just eat half of a cinnamon roll, how bad is that? It's not bad, but I don't do that well. So you have to think, what are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? Where do you have to think, what are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? Where do you want to be? What does it take for you to get there?

To figure that part out, there's so many resources out there. You got people you can talk to who are where you want to be. There are all these guides and self-help and different ways and processes and programs online. The knowledge is there. It's not a mystery. The only question is do you have it in you to get yourself where you want to be or you're going to allow yourself to be like me and spend more energy holding yourself back refusing to take on fights for fear of outcome. Even when you know you're right.

Or being wronged. You know you can be better. You know you can look better. You know you can feel better. And you don't anyway. That's me. That's a lot of us, right? Okay.

We know it doesn't have to be like this. And I just gave you and me a better way. I didn't invent it. I don't even know if I'm going to be able to stick to it as much as I need to. But I'm out here. I'm out here. Any of the people driving by?

These people driving by right now, let's see if we can catch how they look at this fat guy walking out here where it's freezing. Nothing. All right. I hope this meant something to you. Thank you for spending the time with me. I wish you one thing.

Do better at taking care of yourself. Figure out what that means, what it takes, and give yourself a shot. Take care of yourself.