The Chris Cuomo Project - Walk and Talk: Here to Help

Episode Date: December 4, 2022

In a candid and honest Walk and Talk, Chris Cuomo links his uncomfortable shoe and an encounter with a bird with a broken wing to why we’re here to enjoy and here to help, even though it’s natural to struggle and suffer in life.  Follow and subscribe to The Chris Cuomo Project on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube for new episodes every Tuesday. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So I was listening to a book and I was thinking about doing a walk and talk and what to think about and what to say. Thinking about how to wing is broken. What are you supposed to do? Well, I'm not going to kill it. I'm not going to make him smoke my cigar. But. You do what you can. So. I'm holding him.

Take him home. See how he does, see what happens, probably call the vet, ask him for some advice. Why? Why not, first of all? We're here to help.

What is the meaning of life? You tell me. Why are you here? You tell me. What matters most? You tell me. Yeah, but the great philosophers, but Jesus, but Buddha, but this prophet, that prophet, this great mind,

they say things. But what they say is no more real or true than what you decide for yourself. What is life about? I've always agreed with a great thinker who said, the answer to what is the meaning of life can only be given by the person who's asking it. That's pretty heavy. Heavy's okay. I think heavy helps you keep it light. I think philosophy matters. I think we avoid it to our disadvantage. I think that you have to

struggle and suffer in life. I think it's part of it. I'm not saying that you go looking for it, but I think it's a natural part of what's going to happen. And it is helpful, as I learned from young, but very precocious and very wise, Matty J.T. Stepanek, child poet

and peacemaker who played as he would describe himself. Why not me? Why shouldn't I suffer? Who am I not to suffer? Who's this guy to suffer? Is that his or her lot

in life? Where's the other leg, by the way? Is that what happened? Oh, there it is. Okay. He's got both legs. That's good. Why not you? I think that you have to get past that part and then start doing the work. I just saw this great movie, Spirited. Now look, the musical aspect of it, it's not my vibe. And they even mock it during the movie. But Ryan Reynolds, Will Ferrell, what a great message. It's a Dickensian story, right? it's about Scrooge and you can watch

it yourself if you want but what I love about it is the inculcation of the message that we don't have to play the game we don't have to give in to the suggestions of social media and the tribalism

and the fringe thinking. It's certainly not natural. And it's certainly not the majority. You are the majority, the core, not extreme, not extreme. In terms of politics, center left on social issues, center right on fiscal issues. So I've been walking for like an hour and this thing has been bothering me the whole time. Hold on. And I've been not changing the position of the sole of my shoe, which had shifted, because I kept telling myself,

well, I have to keep going. I can't fix it. Why? What a misplaced sense of suffering and asceticism. Oh, look. Look. Did you see him?

He got it back together. He shit on me. And then he flew away. Beautiful. Beautiful. Perfect. Perfect. Flew away.

Hung out. Got it back together. Shit on me., flew away. I doubt it was intentional. I think they just go when they have to go. But who cares? Now, that feels good. Well, isn't that what it's really all about?

Now, I know my Christian brothers and sisters, my priest buddies, they're shaking their head. No, no, no. Feeling good is not all it's about. Duty, responsibility, code. It's not just about feeling good. And boy, do I disagree. it's not just about feeling good. And boy, do I disagree. Now, it is a question of interpretation. Mother Teresa, what made her happy was attending

to the passion of the Christ, suffering in the world. So she had a hard life, a hard existence. She was around dark times and dark realities all the time. But it made her happy because her definition of it, and by the way, that's the key of this whole walk and talk. Her definition, her answer was that this is what gave her joy. This is what made her life enjoyable. This is what was her happy.

May not be yours. Certainly not mine. But that's because the answer has to be yours. But boy, we don't do that. Like I just suggested. I can't go around thinking and saying, I just want to be happy. I just want to do what feels good.

Ooh, you hedonist. You hedonist. Selfish. Why? Because they say so. Ah, they. Another four-letter word. They.

They. Who are they? We all pick them, right? La gente. My grandmother. My godfather who I just saw. What will the people say? You got to get rid of that.

You have to answer your own questions. And that's hard. It is so much easier to refer to the external. See, it's interesting because we always say, what we tell people is, to thine own self be true. Just worry about how you feel. But if you think about the context for that,

very often it's because somebody's been hurt by external judgment. The kids don't like I'm bullied. They say I'm... Right? Happens to all of us in life. Don't worry about what they say. Worry about yourself. But that's the only context that we often give it. And I think that's the wrong approach. I think the right approach is, well, let's think about why they say what they say about whatever it is. It'll be pretty apparent. Most group think is. And you weigh it, measure it, find it worthy or lacking. But really, the overall approach is the right one. But we don't really do it. The same of us who, we who say, don't worry about it, worry about yourself. Very often, we are still very reliant on the external, on others,

for our feelings about what's right and what's wrong, what's good and what's bad, who's worthy and who isn't. And you know I'm right. Now, sometimes it seems unavoidable, right? Well, I have a boss. Well, I'm on TV. There's an audience. How can I get away from them? How can I not say their judgment matters?

Well, it does. It does. Now, first of all, I put myself in that position, right? You don't have to. But in most positions, you're going to have to deal with other people. And and very often on something other than your terms. That's okay too, because still, the only answers are your own. Only you know what is true about you. Only you know what is true about you. And that can be a blessing and a curse. Right? The curse is obvious.

You know you're not what they say you are. Okay. But the blessing is you also know that you're not what they say you are. Which is a negative assessment of you in a way that's just not fair. You got to hold on to that. You have to provide your own answers. Easy to say, hard to do. Many of the things that I've learned or am in the process of learning, for a written test, I'd ace it. But the practical exam, in this case living, But the practical exam, in this case living, struggle is real.

And that's okay. Here's a hard one. What do you do with the bad things? Bad things you did. Bad things you wanted. Bad things you made happen. Hurt people. What do you do with that?

It's a tricky one. How can you think you're a good person when you've done bad things? When you do bad things? When you will do bad things again? Hmm. So, I do a ton of reading. All these different perspectives. Psychology.

Ontology. all these different perspectives, psychology, ontology, figuring out what is the best guidance for what is right. And as is often the case, the more you look into it, the more the most basic, common sense, obvious truths become the weightiest.

Everybody does bad things. Okay? You may not see them. They may not admit them. But it happens. It's the human condition. The only thing to do is the only thing you can do. What?

Is to do whatever you can. Make amends. Can't make amends. Yeah, it doesn't work. I tried. That's all you can do. Yeah, but I'm still not happy about it. They're still not happy. Live on. Live on. Results are often going to be unsatisfying. All you can focus on is the next and doing the next right thing. You 12-steppers out there, this will be vibing for you.

Making amends, that step. Focusing on the next right thing. That mentality. Easy to say, hard to do. Easy to say, hard to do. And that's okay. And I think that once you start to see that, and you don't do the counterproductive, but somehow satisfying method of self-punishment, self-loathing, you know me on that, big favorite. That is self-indulgent in the worst way. It's helpful to no one. to hurt yourself, not to make anything better.

Now, there are some people who, when hurt, want to see the person who hurt them also hurt. That's true. But it doesn't have to be you. If you're upset about what you did or didn't do or said or didn't say or felt or didn't feel. Instead of making it worse, make it better. If it's something that bothers you so much. Why don't we do that? Oh, it can be very complicated. But if you strip away all the isms

and the external rules and rationales and codes and ethics and architected senses of morality, what you get at is have a basic philosophy and let that guide. You're here to help. You're here to enjoy. Now, as simple as that is, you're here to help. You're here to enjoy. Now, as simple as that is, you're here to help. You're here to enjoy. What is that missing? Shortcut. Nothing. You live that way. I'm here to help. I'm here to enjoy.

You're in good shape. I live that way. I'm definitely better off than I am right now. you're in good shape. I live that way. I'm definitely better off than I am right now. But why don't you? Oh, it gets so complicated. It's easy to say. It's hard to do.

All the other people, the other rules, the other expectations, the other standards, the emotions, the conflict gets complicated. Struggle, suffering, it's all real. It's got to be a sine curve, though.

You know, a sine curve waves up and down. It's got to be that way. The only constant in life is change. If you expose yourself to life, you can be incredibly extreme in your behavior and keep things very stable. But that is not the natural condition. The natural condition is to avoid extremes, but to come too close to them and have to adjust. How do you make those adjustments? How do you know?

Sometimes you find out the hard way. Sometimes you have foresight. Sometimes you have advice. Sometimes you have help. Sometimes you just have what some people refer to as dumb luck. But you're here to help. You're here to help. You're here to enjoy. I'm telling you, that certainly would be the right answer on the written test.

There's going to be suffering. There's going to be struggle. It's a given. From 5 to 50 to when you're done. It's going to keep coming. You cannot stop it. What you can do absolutely completely within your control is to decide what your perspective is on all of it.

How do you feel about every step of it? Because look, good outcomes, like that bird flying away. That's rare. I gotta tell you, that was like, almost felt fake, right? But it wasn't, it's completely real. But how rare is that, that your intentions are met by a desired outcome? But how I feel about it is up to me. You know, why did you pick up the bird? They have disease. And I don't.

We're like COVID breathing, COVID breeding machines now, right? We ain't so clean. So all you control is the effort and the attitude of your perspective on everything that happens. But that's a lot. And within that, you provide your own answers what's the meaning of life you tell me what matters the most you tell me what's right and wrong well outside the laws that we concoct as a exit from the state of nature and into community you're here to help you're here to enjoy all right well what if your enjoyment hurts somebody else well then you're here to help. You're here to enjoy. All right, well, what if your enjoyment hurts somebody else? Well, then you're not helping. Well, what if I'm helping so much

that I'm not able to enjoy it? Then you're not enjoying. You provide the answers. You provide the answers. You provide the effort or not. You exercise the attitude and perspective or you don't. But that's on you and it's within your control. And don't let any excuses cloud that.

Easy to say, hard to do. Not everything you try to help is going to wind up flying away. Better for your effort. And getting shit on, that's just part of life. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. I hope your head is in a good place, your heart is in a good place, and that you're ready to provide your own answers. Let's get after it.