The Chris Cuomo Project - Walk and Talk: Start Anywhere

Episode Date: February 23, 2023

In a candid and honest Walk and talk, Chris Cuomo explores why all pain is personal, and when it comes to achieving a goal, the best place to start is anywhere.  Follow and subscribe to The Chris Cuomo Project on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube for new episodes every Tuesday. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another episode of Walk & Talk. I do these from time to time. They should probably be regularly scheduled, but I don't get to walk enough to do them. So, as with many things in life, you have to wind up just taking the opportunity when it comes. Schedules, routines are very difficult, but very helpful. So, I want to take this on that theme to where to begin.

And here is what I have gleaned from most writing, most study, most different versions of things that I've come across. Anywhere is the answer. If you have a goal in mind, an objective, the place to start is anywhere and with anything. Because we are almost hardwired to resist change. Why? Change is hard, uncomfortable. We like the familiar. We see it in everything. All appetites, all predilections, all tendencies. Now, this is not true of all people, right? Very few things are true all the time for everybody in the same way. But if you look at yourself, my suggestion is that you will see that if you have a choice between change and staying the same, you will

choose to stay the same. So, a good place to start on just about anything is to start with doing anything. Doing anything you can that gets you towards where you want to be. So let's make it simple. I want to be in better shape. Okay. You want to be in better shape so you can do anything. You can talk about how you eat. You can talk about how you move. You can talk about how you feel. You can look at it many different ways. And all of them, or any of them, will take you in that direction. So, change what you eat in this meal. What's our tendency? Well, I blew it with this meal, so the whole day's a wash. I'm not going to lose weight today. Might as well eat whatever I want, right? I'm too busy. I don't want to work out. I was experiencing that with this. I don't feel great. I'm just coming off a trip to Ukraine, crazy hours. I don't feel great. So I was kind of

convincing myself not to do anything today that I don't need to. and then I just try to upset that dynamic, get up and go. And then once you do, most times you feel better. It depends on what it is. So there is also a competing instinct here of a sense of satisfaction in the change, right? And that's the friction. Very often you don't want to do things. We, you know, change is hard, right? But not changing can also be hard sometimes. And that's the friction. Very often you don't want to do things. We, you know, change is hard, right? But not changing can also be hard sometimes. And then once you do the thing that you don't want to do, sometimes you feel better for having done it.

And that's not always going to be the case. Some workouts are a bitch. Some changes feel hard and uncomfortable. Now, so the first point is the best way to start with any endeavor is to actually just start. Now, for some people, that'll be a boo, but look around. Procrastination is often the rule. Change is often avoided. So, look, I woke up this morning taking somebody's advice to say, hey, today I want to try to be better about these three things. And like I blew it in my first interaction with one of my kids. Now, even that assessment, did I blow it?

No, I blew it in that moment. Does that mean that for the rest of the day, I might as well just do everything the way I have been doing it? See? Change. So you got to take the next opportunity, even though the first one didn't go the way I have been doing it. See? Change. So you've got to take the next opportunity, even though the first one didn't go the way you want. Support for the Chris Cuomo Project comes from PrizePix. I've got to tell you, there's a reason PrizePix is America's number one fantasy sports app. Three million members.

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Again, go to prizepix.com slash ccp and use code ccp for a first deposit match up to $100. PrizePicks. Pick more, pick less. It's that easy. We don't fake the funk here, and here's the real talk. Over 40 years of age, 52% of us experience some kind of ED between the ages of 40 and 70. I know it's taboo, it's embarrassing, but it shouldn't be.

Thankfully, we now have HIMS, and it's changing the vibe by providing affordable access to ED treatment, and it's all online. HIMS is changing men's health care. Why? Because it's giving you access to affordable and discreet sexual health treatments,

and you do it right from your couch. HIMS provides access to clinically proven generic alternatives to Viagra or Cialis or whatever. And it's up to like 95% cheaper. And there are options as low as two bucks a dose. HIMS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers. So if ED is getting you down, it's time to pick it up. Start your free online visit today at HIMS.com slash CCP. H-I-M-S dot com slash CCP.

And you will get personalized ED treatment options. HIMS.com slash CCP. Prescriptions, you need an online consultation with a healthcare provider, and they will determine if appropriate. Restrictions apply. You see the website. You'll get details and important safety information. You're going to need a subscription.

It's required. Plus, price is going to vary based on product and subscription plan. Now to the second point. Sometimes you got to lean in to what you don't like. What does that mean? So, as is often the way, when you are in the public eye with a lens of scrutiny upon you, in a gotcha culture where negativity is often a proxy for insight and we are consumed with a social media that is absolutely a toxic crucible where the

currency is taking people down. I mean that is certainly the case. Can you find good things on social media? Of course. But when it comes to media and politics, we know what that place is about. It's terrible. And I really hope that there is a competitor to Twitter that gives people a place for reasonable discussion. I mean, you can disagree, but this is just the stupid gotcha contest all the time. And I know it because I'm in that game, whether I want to be or not. That's how it is. So I'm talking about what you have to do when in crisis to cope. And I'm making the point that, look, pain is real. Hurt is real.

Anger is real. But what are you going to do if you just let it consume you? What are you going to wind up with? A proposition where you got to kill everybody, kill yourself? And especially the way I was raised, you know, in this Italian American community, there was such a premium in passion. And I do think there is something to collective identity. And I do think most of the Italians I know feel pretty deeply about things, not that others don't. But that was my point, is that you can't do that. You have to find a way to put your pain to purpose. You have to find a way to cope.

So what happens? I get taken out of context, painted as like a homicidal, suicidal maniac. And the people who did it knew that they were taking me out of context they knew that they were taking what was said literally but not putting it into context figuratively and we do that all the time in the media you see that all the time and you know that's the game and you see it and what's so interesting is that you see that it is perceived through the lens that a particular person wants it to be. If you are someone who is set up to see me as some type of enemy to your political cause, you see it as Cuomo wanted to kill everybody and himself. God forbid. And if you don't, then you see it in context. You see it and that happens with too many things.

So sometimes you've got to lean in to a problem to expose the truth of it. And this is one of those situations. So my general advice for all of you, to the extent that any of you are exposed to this dynamic, is to shut up. If you shut up, most scrutiny cycles,

especially if they're unfair, will go away in a matter of days. They can be long days, but they'll go away. Just shut up. Especially when it comes to talking to the media because more often than not, they're just looking to fuel the cycle.

So, yeah, sure. they'll give the other side of whatever they obviously want, but it's not going to be in the headline, it's not going to be until a few paragraphs down, or a few moments in when most of the people have stopped watching the reading. However, there are a couple of caveats in it. The first one is, if there's a process attached if there's a process attached then this dynamics is going to keep coming and going

the second one is where it's worth the fight and for my purposes here on the walk and talk this is worth bringing up you're going to have horrible feelings about bad things that happen in your life, especially when they're attached to a sense of unfairness. This can happen in absolutely any dynamic.

This can happen in parenting, in coupling, professionally, self-definition, you know, your sense of self-worth. It can happen in any context where you are going to have to lean in to the hard feelings and do something with them. Because energy has to go somewhere. And you do have the choice of what to do with it. Comfortable, uncomfortable. Permanent, impermanent. Very often it's just a step. Very few problems have simple solutions. And that's okay. So when you're having whatever your crisis is, avoid what I was often instructed to do by the people who raised me, which is, well, look around you.

Look how much worse something could be. Sure, you didn't get that raise. Sure, you didn't get that position, that job sure she, he, they left you this relationship, that sure, whatever it is went horribly, but it could be so much worse I would be slow on that level of analysis.

Of course, it's good to have a sense of relativity. But at the same time, all pain is personal. All pain is personal. What bothers you, what is real to you, is real for you. So, you know, the idea that, oh, well, so many have it harder than I do. Okay, true, real. But what does that mean about how you have it? And why is it that perversely, given that notion of relativism, we often find people

who are absolutely in extreme circumstances, disease beyond cure, horrible war and difficulty that they will not be able in likelihood all likelihood, to get past favorably. And yet there is a contentment, there is a peace, there is a happiness. How? You could easily say this person is deluding themselves. But no, very often, what they're leaning into is what we're discussing right now, which is the choice of how your pain is real, your dissatisfaction is real, your upset is real, your hurt is real.

Don't deny it by saying it could be worse. But now you deal with a beautiful and frightening reality. So what are you going to do with it? Okay? Whether you think it's bad or it isn't, you're right. So how are you going to decide to feel about it? And what are you going to decide to do about it? We don't fake the funk here.

And here's the real talk. Over 40 years of age, 52 52 of us experience some kind of ed between the ages of 40 and 70 i know it's taboo it's embarrassing but it shouldn't be thankfully we now have hymns and it's changing the vibe by providing affordable access to ed treatment and it's all online hymns is changing men's health care why because it's giving you access to ED treatment, and it's all online. HIMS is changing men's health care. Why? Because it's giving you access to affordable and discreet sexual health treatments, and you do it right from your couch. HIMS provides access to clinically proven generic alternatives to Viagra or Cialis or whatever, and it's up to like 95% cheaper. And there are options as low as two bucks a dose.

HIMS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers. So if ED is getting you down, it's time to pick it up. Start your free online visit today at HIMS.com slash CCP. H-I-M-S.com dot com slash ccp h i m s dot com slash ccp and you will get personalized ed treatment options hymns dot com slash ccp prescriptions you need an online consultation with a health care provider and they will determine if appropriate restrictions apply you see the website you'll get details and important safety information you're going to need a subscription. It's required. Plus, the price is going to vary based on product and subscription plan. The Chris Cuomo Project is supported by Cozy Earth. Why? Because I like their sheets. That's why.

A lot of people don't get a good night's sleep for a lot of reasons. One of the ones that you can control is bedding. One out of three of us report being sleep deprived. Okay, well, what is it? Well, it stresses all kinds of reasons. One of the ones that you can control is bedding. One out of three of us report being sleep deprived. Okay, well, what is it? Well, it stresses all kinds of things. But the wrong sheets can make you hot, can make you cold. I'm telling you, I don't even believe it either. But Cozy Earth sheets breathe.

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off your first order. CozyEarth.com and the code is CHRIS. There's almost never a situation where there is nothing for you to feel or do

if you think about it. So leaning in, leaning in for it. We don't like to do that. I don't like to do that. We want to avoid it. Let's put it to the side.

Pretend we'll deal with it when we have to deal with it. Now look, there is something to that in terms of controlling what you control when you control it. Not letting worry be the primary focus of energy, especially if it's something you don't control. I'll deal with it when I have to deal with it. Okay, sometimes that's the best choice. Sometimes it isn't. Sometimes you've got to prepare, especially if it's crisis.

And ultimately, you've got to lean in to those feelings. What do I do with this? Not, I should feel bad for feeling this. Not, I'm wrong to feel this. That's not as helpful, I've learned. And by the way, I'm 52 years old. These are not lessons that just came out of, you know, my dynamic with my brother.

I mean, that's much more of a figment of the media's feelings and construct than it is about my own. Sure, there's hurt, there's upset, there's disappointment, there's a whole basket of feelings. But I've had plenty of other experiences in my life. This was about ultimately losing a job and the magnified perspective of tribes on him and by association me, some people taking advantage of that to target me. And my choice ultimately to let go of what I can't

control and what I can control to take very very seriously I just don't talk about it but the situation in my own life is not over and it's not going to be over until I get a fair finding of what I know to be the truth in the situation. But that's for me. It's not about my relationship with you. It's not a value to you. You're going to have whatever opinion you have about me regardless. And that's your choice. But my choice is to lean in to this. And it took me a long time to do that because, like many of you, I experienced hard situations when I was young. And this is very hard action for people who are young. There is something to maturity and how you deal with trauma or crisis.

It's very hard for kids. Literally, your brain isn't even formed yet, let alone the guides you have for your feelings. I mean, anybody who has kids knows this. Anybody who has teenagers who really knows this. Just how wacky what they can come up with in terms of what they feel and what they think. I mean, often it can make you think there's something wrong with the kid. I mean, in terms of, you know, literally their mental capacity, but it's just developmental. But coming out of those childhood experiences,

there's a great book called The Body Keeps the Score. The Body Keeps the Score, about how no matter how you think you're weighing something or devaluing something or putting it aside, it's in there. And I've certainly seen that in my own life. I have an unusual capacity to accept disappointment in the people and dynamics around me because of experience. experience. You know, you grow up in the public eye in politics, media, it's such a perfidious, yeah, it's such a disloyal, ugly, opportunistic dynamic that you just get used to people. One day they're a friend, next day they're talking shit. You know, why? Usually based on ignorance or advantage. So, you're going to feel these things. And they're real.

They are real, these feelings. But you have to decide what you do with them. And my suggestion here, based on research, reading, talking to experts, psychologists, philosophers, reading, talking to experts, psychologists, philosophers, consultants who deal with efficiencies in corporate environments that often extend into the personal, is that avoidance is at best a short-term solution. And you have to lean in to what it is that you fear, what it is that hurts. And that's where coping comes in. And that's where the choices of how to deal with situations

comes in. And you're not going to get it right every time. You're not going to make the right move every time. You're not going to say the right move every time. You're not going to say the right thing every time. You're not going to feel the right way every moment that you need to. You're going to fall. You're going to fail. It's going to hurt. It's going to be unsatisfying. It's going to be incomplete. That's the reality. But the virtue in it is there's always a next. But the virtue in it is there's always a next. There's always a next. Okay?

So, for example, and again, it's a gross example, right? It's a rare example. But you get beat up because people want you to come across as a homicidal, suicidal maniac because they want to take away your power and your agency and your influence. That's what they do. They know that they're doing it. They know that's why they're doing it. So what do you do? Well, it's your choice. And when it comes to the feelings that you have about that, I tell you lean in. Now, in terms of how that translates into action or inaction, well, that's very subjective to the circumstances. And in my case, I'm not going to just let an opportunity pass to say, hey, look, I'm sure you felt in your own life that the hurt, the pain, the anger, the upset, the negative emotions you were experiencing gave you what we now refer to in fancy language as

ideation, that you have thought about, boy, I'd like to just fill in the blank of negative consequence. That person, husband, wife, boss, colleague, kid, friend, foe, whatever. But that's just emotion. And what do you do with it? That's where the work is. That's where the change is. That's where the opportunity is. So think about that. Think about what you avoid. Think about what you can lean into. And remember, to end where we began, the only essential thing in getting to any goal,

any desired change, any desired outcome, is to do anything that takes you in that direction. And even if what you do fails to achieve that, guess what? You've got another chance. You don't need a catchphrase, but that's what I mean when I say, let's get after it. That's what I mean about being a free agent when it comes to your political ideas and staying independent and getting away from these teams. Get away from these teams because you have a choice and an opportunity to do something with how you feel,

where you're not just being a lemming and following some groupthink. You have an opportunity to do something about what it is. And I'm saying that as much to myself as I am to any of you. And I am often disappointed by what I decide. And I am often disappointed by the situation that I put myself in. What I now have to deal with. But that's life. And the only thing that you control is the next.

Is the next. So lean into the feelings. Figure out your own course. Take a step. See what happens. And repeat. Because either way, that's going to be the dynamic. If you make the right move,

and something happens exactly the way you want it to, and you get the satisfaction that you dreamed of, guess what? Now there's a next. Time to do it again. And if you shit the bed and everything goes sideways and people hate you and it's unfair and this and that, guess what? There's a next. You see what I'm saying? So the process remains the same and it is motivated by the same dynamics, which fundamentally begin and end with your assessment of what you control and what you don't, and how to feel about both of those propositions and how you manifest those feelings and what you do say, refuse to say, or refuse to do. All right? That's enough.

I tried to hold this to like 20 minutes, and I hope you're able to take it in while you're walking, because I really believe in it. The more I do of it, the better I feel. Yeah, physically, sure, but just as much for your head, your heart, as it is for your legs and your lungs. All right, I'm Chris Cuomo. Thank you for this. Thank you for subscribing and following. It's nice to grow. It's nice to build.

But most importantly, it's nice to be helpful. And to all of you who have said that this is helpful, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to help because doing something that helps others is a tremendous benefit to my head and heart as well. The free agent gear you can get, I want to get the money together. Oh, you keep saying that. Yeah, I know, but I want enough money where it's impressive when I start to give it away. So there's a lot of different gear.

There's going to be a couple things happening with the brand. That is really just about empowering you. And allowing you to wear your independence. Because as a last thought. The only cure for our political system in America. Is for us to stop being on the teams. The two party system is a problem, not a solution. It doesn't mean the parties are equal,

but it doesn't matter as long as the game is afoot. You have to make it more about the people who want to be empowered, playing to independent thinkers, critical thinkers. And that is part and parcel of what this walk and talk was all about. Determine for yourself how to feel, how to act, how to think, lean into your problems and make things better or not, but under your control, your interests. All right, my brothers and sisters, be well.