The Chris Cuomo Project - Walk and Talk: Why? And? Or?

Episode Date: March 12, 2023

In a candid and honest Walk and talk, Chris shares three short, simple questions that can function as powerful tools in analyzing any situation: Why? And? Or? Follow and subscribe to The Chris Cuomo Project on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube for new episodes every Tuesday and Thursday. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another Walk & Talk. I'm Chris Cuomo. Thank you for subscribing, following, checking out the free agent gear, checking out NewsNation. It is a little befuddling to me how many of you who follow me on social media, who are part of the extended fam, don't know that I'm on television with News Nation. It's a startup, and that makes sense. But this recent measure is like about less than half of you know that I am back on TV, cable TV, at News Nation. There's a button at the top of the page where you can find it where you are. It's got pretty good reach, actually. I think it actually has more reach in terms of households than MSNBC. We're on at 8 and 11 Eastern. They rerun the show. So check it out, please, because that's why I'm doing it. Now, this is a good one today, at least for me. The three

small words, among the smallest of all words, that can mean the most in analysis of anything. Emotional, factual, personal, professional, but they can be the most vexing and frustrating. What are they? Each asks in the form of a question. Why? Question mark. And? Question mark. Or? Question mark. These are tools for you in reckonings of any situation. Now, by the way, just because I know, don't mean I'm able to show. In terms of my own life, I struggle mightily. I've come to the conclusion that maybe there is something to these past lives. Because this one has proven very difficult for me. I honestly sometimes think to myself that I'm going to borrow a line from our youngest. I'm just not good at

life. I'm not good at living. And I laughed so much when she said it. And I get it. I get it. I get it. This can be hard, man, because it's what you decide to make it. It's what you decide about how you're going to feel and see it. And that's easy to say, but it's hard to man, because it's what you decide to make it. It's what you decide about how you're going to feel and see it. And that's easy to say, but it's hard to do, especially consistently, right? Consistency is key in everything. It's the hardest part of any dynamic, at least in my experience. But these three questions, so you have why, which can only be asked as a question, right? can only be asked as a question, right? The most important question ever invented.

Even in journalism, what, where, when, how, all important. Never been my pursuit. Why is everything to me. It always has been. It's what brought me into the media. It's really the only question that fascinates me in most dynamics. And it's where I struggle most. Why? Why do you feel like this?

Why did this happen? Why didn't this happen? Why something is real? Why something isn't real? Often this question is avoided as regularly as it's answered or pursued, but it is fundamental in terms of figuring out yourself, others around you, and dynamics that matter. Why? She's angry. Why? Do you understand? Do you not understand? You know, and you can almost do a flow chart with this. I've tried this. It actually works sometimes, not in the moment, but when you diagram things out, it can then help you the next time something happens. Why would somebody say

something that they know isn't true? Okay. So if you ask that question almost all the time, the answer is going to be self-interest. What is in it for them? Because that's why they're doing it. So you have to go down that road. Why? Why would they do this? Is it popularity? Is it just to hurt you? Is it just to help you? Is it just to make them something, get them something? Why? Now look, this answer may yield an understanding to you that isn't accepted by other people. Then you got to go to why again. Well, why don't they get it? Why don't they get that there is nothing behind what he just said? He's saying it's true, but it's not

true. Or she's saying it's true, but it's not true. She has no proof of this. He has no proof of this. In fact, the proof goes the other way. Why don't they get it? Why? Because it works for them to believe that person because it's bad about you. Bad for you. Oh, okay. Okay. So that takes you down a road. Not satisfying, but at least you understand it and it can condition how you feel. Now, why, if you're watching right now, and I hope so, because I'm really much more into the visual than just the auditory, visual versus audible. So I hope that you're subscribing to YouTube. It's free. It's going to stay that way. And I am in front of the same cemetery that I walk past all the time, which is largely devoted to the ranger family from out here in

East Hampton. And I come here just to show some respect, but also to bury things that are going on in my life at the time. Why? Because it's a mechanism that maybe helped reinforce it. This has not worked well for me. Why? Because I am repetitive in my problems and mistakes, I am repetitive in my problems and mistakes, and it's very frustrating. But I'm here, and what I'm trying to do is to minimize negative self-talk, which all of us struggles with to different degrees. All of us struggle with it to different degrees. Why?

Because it comes most fundamentally out of a conditioning dynamic of this is what you do, so you continue to do it. Second, out of fear and self-protection. It is often makes you feel more secure, even though it makes you insecure because it's going to tune you into protecting yourself and preparing for the worst and expecting negative outcomes so that when they come, they are somehow perversely less damaging, less scary because you knew it was going to happen. Have you ever told yourself that? Oh, I know I'm not going to do well on this test. I know it's not going to happen. I know I'm not going to do well. I know he's not going to say that, I know that he's not going to, I know that this isn't going to and then it doesn't happen, you're like I knew it, like somehow it sucks less so we do that and that manifestation winds up

becoming a habit of self-talk that is largely negative why? we just discussed that, so why in terms of changing it? Because there is something to you manifesting what you believe. I mean, on a very simple level, do you train? You ever been jogging and you're like, oh, I'm done. I just got to keep going. I just got to keep getting to that next stop sign. I just got to get to that next block. And what happens? You get there.

You get there. Why? Because you were telling yourself you could. That's why. That's why we tell our kids the story about the little train that could. Right? These lessons are not novel.

They're not genius. They're're simple and why takes us there why do we tell them that story because you got to put in the effort because that's what you control is the effort and the attitude and amazing things are possible when somebody is determined to do them, to say them, to feel them, to manifest them. So there's no question that negativity, self-doubt, worry, these are all survival instincts. They absolutely are. But I don't know that they make anything better. It certainly hasn't been my experience.

Why? That's the key to unlocking it. Why? Very often you don't know that they make anything better. It certainly hasn't been my experience. Why? That's the key to unlocking it. Why? Very often you don't want to ask it. Especially if it's about yourself. It can lead you to some dark places. Some truths that we would rather dismiss or avoid. Why?

I didn't get the job. Why? Well, the other person is the kid's uncle's friend's friend. Okay. So it's the Bob's your uncle thing? Okay. At least you know. And you know what it was about and what it wasn't. Why? Well, my resume kind of sucked and there were a couple of typos really why well look the guy did ask me what was your plan if you got into this capacity for the next two or three moves you'd make I wasn't ready for that learn you learn very little from success if you think about it have you ever had a big win or a great thing go you're lucky if you even stop to appreciate it.

It's a win that didn't have to necessarily happen and celebrate it and reinforce it in yourself, right? Most often, what do you do? I always say, too often, to me, success is just failure averted. But next time, it could go bad again. Why? It's negativity. but next time it could go bad again why it's negative negativity negativity is is as addictive as anything else and if you go down the road of why you'll see it takes you to a place of self-protection but also of habit and we do a lot of things that are self-destructive

i mean i certainly do and i have incredible swings of things where this is good for you, this is not good for you. And how you feel about that yourself can shape a lot of those choices. And then the question that unlocks the reason behind them, the reason to change them is why. And very rarely do we want to answer that question. You have have kids what's the worst thing to hear out of them sometimes why no you're not having a party at the house time why because i don't want to discuss. We just want it the way we want it. Okay? But if you ask that question, it can be a great tool to understanding things that at first you don't understand. You just decide to feel one way or

another about them. You ever have that happen? I do. Wait, what? Oh, I'm so angry at this or that. Why? Why did it happen? Why did that happen or not happen? Why was that said or left unsaid? Did you have a role in it? Are you seeing it right? It's a good tool if you decide to use it. Very often, we'd rather not. We see that in our politics all the time. I call it a return to critical thinking and being independent, being a free agent, as it says on my hat. Why? Why do you believe that this is only bad when it happens with the people on the other team? We see it everywhere, even on the train crash. Biden's response hasn't been good. True.

But really, Trump is the one who made this happen because of the bill that he got rid of because of the lobbyists. Also true, but not for the specific circumstance. But that's the game. Now ask yourself, why? Why are these people in power pointing the finger at each other? Easier than solving the problem. Solutions are sketchy. Can be unsatisfying, can fail. Blame is a home run, nine times out of

ten. And they do it to you all the time, and the media echoes it. Ask yourself why. And that doesn't have to lead you down some absurd road of conspiracy, deep state nonsense. Because when you go down those roads, you're getting played again, by the way. By the same forces that you start off wanting to upset, you know, to disrupt. So that is a key question. Why? Why? Unlocks motivations, realities, beliefs, skepticism. Skepticism is very good. Very good.

Banning books. Why? What are we getting at there? Saying that them wanting to take Omar off the committee is about an attack on brown women. Why? What's the proof of that? The Chris Cuomo Project is supported by Cozy Earth. Why? Because I like their sheets. That's why.

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Restrictions apply. You see the website. You'll get details and important safety information.'re going to need a subscription it's required plus price is going to vary based on product and subscription plan okay the next tool and and let's combine them. Or with a question mark. Now these are great tools also, but again, they are the enemies of impulse. The enemy of impulse. Impulse is what we just decide to do out of habit, convenience, and because of just a flush of often emotionally motivated desire. So I am going to decide to work out.

And, or, apply them. Alright, so I'm going to go out tonight. And, you're going to drink, you're not going to drink. I'm going to go out tonight. Or, are you going to do something else? He says that to me again,

I'm going to punch him in the nose. And, what's going to happen from that? Or deal with it a different way. We, I, often avoid these tools, these levels of scrutiny of things. And that is a mistake. A mistake that I'm sure many of us make repeatedly. But awareness and presence of the opportunity can make a difference. And, or, how often do you apply it? Well, this is what I'm going to have for lunch. And, meaning what? And, what's that going to have for lunch. And, meaning what? And, what's that going to do for your goal?

Or, do it a different way. And sometimes, it's a subtle change. I'm having this cheeseburger, man. Okay? Or, have it, but have it without the bun. Only eat half of it. if you're a diet person. You see what I'm saying? It's a good tool.

We often don't want to use it, though. Why? Because it complicates our impulsive desire, which can be fueled by irrationality, emotion, short-term thinking, self-doubt, self-loathing, why, and, or. And once you start to put them into play, you'll see them everywhere. You wake up. Knucklehead left the door open last night.

Who does that? Why? Well, he did that because he's a teenager. She did that because she's a teenager. She did that because she's a preteen. She did that because she's a kid. He did that because he's a kid. Okay.

Well, I am going to light him up. I am going to light them up for this. And they are going to have their phone taken out. And where does that lead you? You know you're having another fight. Or Wait, let's get back to Ann on that one. I'm taking the phone and I'm going to tell

him. You give me one day of doing these things that you're supposed to do every day, you get the phone back. So I'm not just going to take the phone. I'm going to put a condition on it that will actually get them the phone back. Ah, okay. It's better than the initial assessment, right?

As all of us in the parenting game know. Or, well, I'm not going to take the phone because that's just going to give me another war and they're going to lock themselves in this room and they're not going to take the phone. Because that's just going to give me another war. And they're going to lock themselves in this room. And they're not going to do what I want them to do anyway. Or, I'm going to say, well, now because you did this. Or didn't do this.

There's going to be a new responsibility put on you. There's a new goal. There's a new challenge. There's a new condition. You see what I'm saying? Options. Critical thought. Assessment of motivation.

Action and inaction. Thought and deed. Can be very helpful. Such small words. Such powerful tools. I am beat. Alright. Why? Such powerful tools. I am beat. All right. Why?

Can only be asked as a question. And asked as a question or as a proposition. I'm going to watch the game. And I'm going to stick to the crudités and not the cheese balls I am quote a ball off working out today or I'll just take a walk let me just do that so I do something so I don't hate myself for doing nothing. Great tools. If you decide to ask them. If you decide to use them. You know that is kind of the unspoken reality of all philosophy and you know even the consumer version of it, which can also be way too simple, which is self-help. I'm fine with the self-help culture.

I think it's good if used the right way and for the right reasons. I read a lot of that stuff. Some of it I dig, some of it I don't, but that's okay. But with all of these things, it's not that they're like telling you something you could have never figured out. It's finding a way that works for you, something that clicks. And to me, that is always best achieved with something simple, easy, and repeatable. How often do you ask yourself why

about what happens or what you're going to do? How often do you give yourself options of behavior and thought? You know how to do it. You know why you would do it, but you don't do it. So sometimes simplifying it, hearing it repeated to you, can manifest itself or it kind of sticks in a way that it hadn't before. And that is my hope for you with this walk and talk. Thank you for checking out the podcast Griscomo Project, which I named that because

it is about a collaboration between me and you but it's also about me rumbling, fumbling and stumbling through my own life, just like everybody thank you for checking out News Nation I am excited about what we're trying to build there

and it's going to take time and it is a great sign that it is growing we are in a media environment that is shrinking i mean there's expansion of choice but not a lot of people are growing outlet by outlet we are that's cool and thank you for that subscribe follow keep it free and the ads that i do are stuff that i use and I believe in. Otherwise, why would I waste your time? So thank you very much. I hope this was a good use of your time. If nothing else, we burned some calories together. I hope you watched this or listened to this as a walk and talk. I hope you did it. Burning some calories, doing something that helps you get to a better place. Take care.