The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – 12 Questions for Love: A Guide to Intimate Conversations and Deeper Relationships by Topaz Adizes

Episode Date: March 9, 2024

12 Questions for Love: A Guide to Intimate Conversations and Deeper Relationships by Topaz Adizes https://amzn.to/3uUf0YV “Save yourself another round of heartbreak and breakups and read this first. Topaz condenses years of wisdom into 12 powerful questions that will give you the keys to unlock real, true, and profound love so you don’t have to keep searching (or suffering) in disconnected relationships.” —Natalie Kuhn, spiritual teacher and co-CEO of The Class Could one conversation improve your relationship forever? We all crave connection. But sometimes we need help getting there. By having a conversation with your partner, guided by these thought-provoking questions, you’ll discover the strength in having mindful, meaningful conversations and unlock a deeper level of lasting intimacy. Author Topaz Adizes invites you to bravely explore the heart of your relationship through 12 carefully crafted questions drawn from thousands of candid conversations with real couples featured in his Emmy Award-winning documentary series {THE AND}. In today’s fast-paced world, it is easier than ever to feel isolated, disconnected, and idling in surface-level relationships. Having observed a decade’s worth of extraordinary conversations unfold, Topaz explores the key to feeling closer, more secure, and more connected with your partner. This essential, inclusive guide includes: Powerful tools to create a safe, transformative space for connection 12 questions proven to nurture authentic intimacy, and examples from people who've been there Strategies for staying connected in the midst of conflict Confidence to craft better, stronger questions of your own (hint: you’ll get better answers) Make every conversation count, and you’ll uncover the magic that awaits when you dare to be vulnerable, go deeper, and love like never before.About the author TOPAZ ADIZES is an Emmy award-winning writer, director, and experience design architect. He is an Edmund Hillary fellow and Sundance/Skoll stories of change fellow. His works have been selected to Cannes, Sundance, IDFA, and SXSW, featured in New Yorker magazine, Vanity Fair, and the NewYork Times; and have garnered an Emmy for new approaches to documentary and Two World Press photo awards for immersive storytelling and interactive documentary. He is currently the founder and executive director of the experience design studio The Skin Deep. Topaz studied philosophy at UC Berkeley and Oxford University. He speaks four languages, and currently lives in Mexico with his wife and two children.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast. The hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show. The preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready. Get ready. Strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. I'm Oaks Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com, thechrisvossshow.com. I'm just going to sing it because I couldn't find the button to get back. Welcome to the big show, my family and friends.

As always, we love having you guys with us on the show. I can't do this after six years. What the fuck is going on? I couldn't find the tab to get back. And so welcome to the show. Now that I've found my show and audience in the 5,000 Google tabs that I've had, has anybody ever considered that maybe the people like me that have way too many tabs open on their Chrome browser need help? We need some psychologist or maybe a rehab center to go to for tab addiction. Sounds like you drink too much of that old tab pop that I grew up with as a kid.

Anyway, guys, we have an amazing show and a great author on the show with us today. He's going to light your life and brighten your world and make you smarter. And I've just put a ton of pressure on him. But I think he's got it. I've taken a look at his book. We're going to have another, I think it's our third or fourth billionaire on the show. Silicon Valley tech CEO will be on the show, I think, later this week. So be sure to check that out as well. We like having billionaires on the the show they make the show seem like it's important maybe we'll get it we'll stick around for year 17 so do that go to goodreads.com fortune is chris voss youtube.com fortune is chris voss linkedin.com fortune is chris voss and it's never boring we just kind of make the intro as it goes and that way you're not sleeping through it going like what is chris doing again it's the same old thing i'm just going for the i'm just going for the brain bleed just going for the brain bleed when i heard that

i was on i'm going for brain bleed right here as we go we're gonna be we're gonna be brain bleeding today because evidently i'm suffering from it already it's there you go he is the author of the newest book 12 questions for love a guide to intimate conversations and deeper relationships. And it just came out. We're going to be talking to Topaz Adizes on the show with us today. And he's going to be telling you all about how to answer those 12 questions for love. Usually, I only have one question for love. Why do you hate me so much?

We can talk about that. That's not a good question. We can do better than that. There you go. His book came out January 2nd, 2024 so you can get it wherever fine books are sold. He is an Emmy winning writer, director, and experienced design architect. He's an Edmund Hillary Fellow

and Sundance Skull Stories of Change Fellow. His works have been selected on Cannes, Sundance, IDFA, and South by Southwest, featured in New Yorker Magazine, Vanity Fair, and the New York Times, and has garnered an Emmy for New Approaches. Thank you. wasn't that something what i'm glad that was you not me what is going on first facebook goes down today and everything else so was i mid bio with you you were mid bio man maybe we want to go back and stop and we're yeah so actually what we'll do is we're god facebook went down

like the tab just closed on its own i was in a different but i was still recording i was still and i was just i think the audience is going to get a great shot of what a interviewee is interviewee is just doing when the host disappears just there you go great experiment on humanity right there you're like you're like hey is it me is it my internet oh no there you go well this is gonna all end up on the cutting room floor let me recut this topazaz is an Emmy Award-winning writer, director, and experienced design architect. He's an Edmund Hillary Fellow and Sundance School Stories of Change Fellow. His works have been selected in Cannes, Sundance, IDFA, and Southwest Southwest. Featuring New York Magazine, Vanity Fair, and the New York Times,

he's garnered an Emmy for Approaches to Documentary and two World Press photo awards for immersive storytelling and interactive documentary. Welcome to the show, Topaz. How are you? Chris, I'm very happy to be here, man. I'm excited to be here and share some brain bleed. Share some brain bleed.

There you go. That opener, the opening bumper has just got me. I'm like ready for that. Isn't it though? We've got a sound bite we're working on where the guy's going to go, I'm just here for the brain bleed. The same guy who did the intro. So we're working on that.

So there you go. So give us your dot coms. Where can people find you on the interwebs? The SkinDeep.com. That's my team. The Experience Design Studio. We explore humanity at its best and how we connect. So the SkinDeep.com and all the socials and the website. My personal website is TopazDeeds.com, but all my work is really focused on the SkinDeep.com. There you my work is really focused on the skin deep.com. There you go. So give us a 30,000 overview in your words. So what's inside your new book, 12 questions for love. So for the last 10 years, now I'm in our 11th year, we've been holding the space for this project called the and that what is the and you're wondering? Well, the end is about

a relationship. It's not you or I, us or them. It's you and I. It's the and that connects us. So for the last 10 years, we've been bringing people into a space where they face each other and we give them questions. And they ask each other questions. And from that, they have incredible cathartic conversations. We film it with three cameras, and you're always seeing both participants' faces at the same time. You're seeing how they react to each other after doing this for 10 years over 1200 conversations we've distilled down our learnings down into a book 12 questions and it's basically here's a guide to how to have deeper more meaningful conversations because it's

going to give you a stronger more vibrant fulfilling relationship and it's just something that we don't think about but where do we learn how to have these conversations where do we learn how to deepen our connections? We learn that from modeling from our family and maybe our friends. Here, because of our experience, my team and I for the last 10 years, here's a way for you to do this. Here's how you create the space, and here's how you construct really good questions. There you go. Questions are the important things in life, because if you ask better questions, the quality

of your life, I think, gets better. Same thing in business. I agree. I think we spend way too much time looking for answers instead of creating better questions. Put all your emphasis on creating better questions. The answers will appear much easier and they'll be more empowering. There you go. So you came up with 12 questions, but before you get into that, give us a little bit more

history in your background and your words. How did you grow up, get in the field you're in and the interest that you have, et cetera, et cetera? Who hurt you when you were young? I'm just kidding. My parents' divorce hurt me. I mean, I think we all have some type of trauma or pain. And, you know, you read Viktor Frankl's book, A Man's Search for Meeting. And, you know, from his POV, it's just that simply everyone has their own trauma.

And we don't need to compare traumas. We all have our traumas. The question is, what do we do with it? For me, that trauma was being a three-, four-year-old boy with a 15-month younger brother and watching my parents go at it. And from that came this pain from a lack of connection and intimacy, just from this kind of war of divorce that happens i'm sure many people yeah many people from that yeah but that that created a hunger in me in the search for intimacy and connection and that led to you know traveling the world making films for 15 years 20 years and then converting that skill because i realized the camera's a bridge

we started this way i asked you how you did this for the last 10 years so many years so many interviews you said you're interested in people you're collecting stories i found that the camera was my bridge was the door opener that allowed me to collect stories that were more vulnerable and in create more intimacy than i would get if i'm just without one and without the camera and and then i've converted that into this this project the end where we're really having people have incredible conversations together. There you go. What got you into filmmaking? I mean, it sounds like part of what you discussed there, was there additional draws

that drew you to that? What was the proponent? Did someone hand you a camera when you were young, or why were you drawn to that medium? That's a good question. I don't know what to tell you other than it was is kind of instinctual like my ability to see something and then somewhat want to capture it right you see a beautiful view there we are like how do i grab it and hold it and feel it and

because it's going to pass by the the sun is going to set the the clouds are going to come something's going to change that moment is not forever how can i capture it and feel it and elevate it and filmmaking helps you do that right or photography helps you do that and so i think when i graduated university i studied philosophy at uc berkeley and oxford i was fortunate enough that i could just piss off and travel and you know move antique furniture and pick up cleaning jobs of dishwashers, jobs in Australia, and I went to India and ended up in Sweden. I traveled, I worked my way through, and I just had a camera and I started talking to people. There you go.

And ultimately I moved to New York and then really honed that skill. So it sounds, you know, from what happened to you as a child in the painful divorce and losing intimacy and then searching to fill that void, you found that the camera and collecting people's stories helped helped you know get that down the pain created a hunger for me to search for intimacy the camera was the tool for me to open it up and now i believe with this project of the end it's it's a gift and the book particularly it's it's it's a it's a gift it's an offering.

This is what I've learned. This is what I've come through. And I want to share with other people because I'm sure I'm not the only one who's searching for intimacy and connection. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I run three big meetup groups of singles for meetups and a big Facebook group for singles. And there's a lot of people looking for love. So it's a big deal.

And then pretty much every married guy knows looking was looking for love well you gotta give me your address because i'm gonna send you the deck i can't believe you're not playing our decks the questions there's a deck all right we'll get into it we got 12 decks we'll get into the decks yeah so on this book let's flush this out just a little bit tease us out a couple of the top questions that we can tease out we want people to buy the book so they don't get them all but tease us out a couple of the questions that that we can tease out. We want people to buy the book so they don't get them all. But tease us out a couple of the questions that you think are important. The questions can be replaced. You can have a prescriptive experience, ask these 12 questions,

and I promise you're going to have a cathartic conversation that will forever change your life. Oh, so it's about having a guide to intimate conversations, deeper questions, or relationships. There are 12 questions. You can have them. But there's also, in the end of the book, I have other replacements so that you can mix. But the point is that I'm teaching you how to ride a bike.

Okay. Right? I'm showing you what I've learned from watching over 1,200 conversations, how to ride a bike in terms of how to have more deeper, intimate conversations. So I say, what makes a good question? How do you construct a really good question that's constructive and really empowering and digs deep in their connection? How do you create the space? The 12 questions, really, they're structured in a certain way.

So there's an actual journey. The peak journey, the climax, would be the seventh question, the seventh and eighth, which is, what is the pain in me you wish you could heal and why? What is the pain in me you wish you could heal and why? What is the pain in me you wish you could heal and why? That's powerful. You know, the eighth one is, what's one experience you wish we never had and why? Oh, that's really powerful too.

That number seven reminds me of that line from Anthony with Tori Amos, when are you going to love you as much as I do? You see a lot of broken people in dating. And yeah, and some people some people you know they're just you can't fix their hole right but I think that's a big point I was wondering that myself and witnessing all these conversations we have

people of all kinds not just romantic couples but best friends parents with their children you know grandparents with their grandchildren I've been wondering can we can you heal someone else and i think i don't think you i don't think you can necessarily heal someone else but what you can do is you hold a space for their healing you can try and slap them hard enough sure wake them up yeah really don't do that people it's a fucking joke i have to say that but that's kind

of like to your question of why don't you love me is that we can construct to be a better question well some just want you to slap them harder but that's a different sort that's that's kind of like to your question of why don't you love me is that we can construct to be a better question well some just want you to slap them harder but that's a different sort that's a different kind of fun yeah there you go you can find that only fans folks the so now now there's something we haven't covered here you you wrote this book out of out of these interviews that you did and and tell us how that that whole background is so i don't i don't do the interviews what i do is i have people come you would come with your partner or your best friend your mom you'd sit across from them i would present 12 questions for each of you to ask each other so you come up with the questions yeah and you have the conversation and what happened is after doing this for 10 years

we have some incredible wonderful fans and community members who are, and one of them happened to be an editor. She reached out. She says, Topaz, have you, over doing this for so long, what would be the 12 most poignant questions that you see really work and why? And so that's what I put together in this book.

There you go. And so there what you have, it's basically learning from witnessing humans having human conversations on a deep level. And that's what's in the book for you to not only have the experience yourself, but learn how to recreate that experience over and over again with anybody that you're connected to in your life. You actually want people to talk to each other and look at the phones? Can we just do this over texting?

I think sure you can. And here's the thing. Really? How many times do you go to a restaurant and you see a couple or a family and it goes on their phone? All the phones. Can we just do this over texting? I think sure you can. And here's the thing. Really? How many times do you go to a restaurant and you see a couple or a family and it goes on their phone? All the time. And you're wondering why is that? Well, we're doing that because every time you swipe,

you get a new piece of information, you get a dopamine hit. Dopamine. New piece of information, dopamine, dopamine, dopamine. My suggestion is, oh, I lost you. Yeah. I lost my man, Chris Voss. I guess this is going to be the Topaz Adizu show now. And if we're live streaming, for those five people, whoever is watching, yes, I'm alone in the room and I'm waiting for Chris Voss to come back and entertain you and I can keep talking.

But on that point, the thing with the dopamine is that if you're swiping, oh, there we go. Yeah. You want to go oh, there we go. Yeah. So. You want to go back to dopamine? Yeah. Actually, I think I got the answer I wanted. It was the last I heard. It seems like we're having memory crashes or something.

That or the Facebook. We're going live on Facebook. So it may be that what's happening, because we're live on five different Facebook groups, and maybe Facebook is still trying to get up and it's having system crashes because it's broadcasting live to there. So that may be it. We'll just roll with it. We were on dopamine hits on people in restaurants.

Yeah. Because your point was, can we just swipe and talk on text? And my point is the reason we're swiping so much to get quicker dopamine hits, what I'm suggesting is if we spend more time to connect and talk, you will get a bigger dopamine hit that won't come as often, but it'll be much more beneficial and much more meaningful and a bigger hit. You just got to invest in it.

You just got to spend the time and ask the question and really be present with the person and you'll get a bigger dopamine hit. There you go. So now this came out of the award-winning series. The End. The End. And you won an Emmy Award for that. Tell us about that. I mean, do you do this in multiple cities? How does the format of this work so people can check it out? Is there a way they can go see it?

Oh, absolutely. You can see all our videos on YouTube. We also have excerpts on Instagram and TikTok. And we also have a live experience, which is basically a magic show of humanity, where for 90 minutes we can create this environment where 2,000 people or 400 people in a room will connect about a subject in a personal way that really reinforces your belief in humanity. There you go.

And I need a lot of reinforcement and help for believing in humanity. Let me tell you. I've seen it lately, and it's not good. But I think we can talk about why that is, because we don't spend enough time listening to each other. What? Yes. Sorry.

That's one of my favorite jokes to pull. My mom's like, you never listen to me, what? You never listen to me, what? You never listen to me, what? Anyway, but you're right. We don't listen to each other. And why is that? Because we don't practice it. If you look at everything you watch, everything you watch in film, Instagram, everything,

everything is you're always seeing who's speaking. Yeah. And you're invited. The algorithms are inviting you to speak and put content in that's going to absorb more people to watch you speak. There's narcissistic. I'm not saying people are narcissistic. What I'm saying is the platforms are breeding more narcissism because it's always a reflection that you're supposed to pose of yourself, of you talking.

How many things do we have of people listening? And what we do in the end, while we film it with three cameras always, and at minimum, we're always showing you both faces. So you see two faces, just like they are side by side right now. You're always seeing both faces because we're elevating the listener on the same level as the speaker. And we're saying both are equally as important. And what you practice is what you're good at, what you get good at. And we're not practicing listening as much as we can. And it's one of the reasons that you're seeing, you know, many of systems are are breaking down because we're not figuring out how to listen to each other yeah

and we're getting you know we're addicted to that dopamine hit of social media i know i know which is a shallow hit which is a shallow hit but oh yeah much deeper hit that's there that when you feel it it's much like it's much like when you get in an argument with a with a partner and then you sit through that turbulence and you sell it and you find a new way to come back to each other. That new relationship is that much stronger because you've gone through the tension, because you've gone through the conflict. You've worked your way through it. And that's the bigger payoff, in my opinion, if we invest in it.

But we don't know how. And that's why the book is created, is to help people find their way through. Asking better questions to improve the quality of life. And I love this because questions do make things improve. You know, sitting down and sometimes, do you find that people have a hard time asking some of these questions? Like they're almost too intimate or too at risk of being painful? Absolutely.

Absolutely. Absolutely. But what I've learned from watching is that it's actually not important what is said. What's important is that the question is asked and that both people sit in that space. Wow. If you think about couples therapies, which I've done and it's been helpful,

is when you go to a couples therapist, the therapist is holding the space. The therapist is the referee. So you as a couple's therapist, the therapist is holding the space. The therapist is the referee. So you as a couple are practicing speaking but not holding the space for each other because the therapist is holding the space. The therapist is asking the questions. What I'm suggesting is let's also use this method where we are creating the questions together, asking, sitting in the space, and even if we don't answer

because part of the rule of playing the hand is you don't have to answer any question you don't want. You have to allow people to be who they are, and they don't have to answer if they don't want. What's imperative is that you ask the question. And by asking the question and we're both in that space, we're both thinking in our heads what the answer is. I'm thinking about what I'm going to say. You're thinking about what you're going to say, what I might say. The point is we ask the question. We're having our own conversation in our head, and we hold a space for each other, even in that discomfort, even if we don't verbalize an answer.

And that's where we practice greater resiliency in our relationship, by sitting together in discomfort or exploration. And on the flip side of this discomfort, there's also the point of having a conversation you never had before that illuminates your connection with your best friend. Oh my God, we spend so much time together, but we've never asked this question. And now that we do, it kind of brings a new vibrancy and freshness to your relationship because you haven't articulated before. And that's also a lot of fun.

Ah, there you go. So tell us about these decks. I bought a couple decks for talking to people recently, which is kind of weird because I'm like, we're going analog again. And one of the decks I was going to take on dates because when you go on a first date with somebody or a coffee date, you have to go on coffee dates now because you can't tell who anybody looks like until you meet them. And I mean, you're really looking for connection. I think I have the best product, and I'll tell you why.

Is it the dating one? I have 12. We have dating. We have long-term couples, couples, friends, family, strangers, coworkers, amusing, healing. The reason that our questions, in my opinion, are the strongest and the most kind of helpful is because there's five pieces to a question. One of them, which many people miss, is asking the question that illuminates the connection. So what I mean, if I ask you, hey, Chris, you get a dating deck. You're on a date. You get the question.

It goes, Chris, what scares you the most? And you're on one of these blind dates. So five people go in front of you. What scares you the most? You're going to say the same thing five times over. A snake, a snake, a snake, a snake. Okay, great. Our questions are different.

The connective point is it illuminates our connection. So the question would be, hey, Chris, what do you think scares us the most? What do you think we both fear the most? And now you're thinking about me. You're thinking about us. You're thinking about what's in common. And therefore, the five people on the date that you're speed dating, you're going to answer that question differently for each person because it illuminates your connective relationship. It illuminates the relationship. And that's why our questions, in my opinion, are some of the strongest, best in terms of bringing out and elucidating a deeper conversation. There you go. I definitely need the dating edition. I like this

question. I'm sending it your way. I just, I'm going to ask once you play, if it works or not, let me know either way. Definitely. Well, we have, I think 600 people on our Facebook dating singles group that I run. And then we have about 2000 in the meetup groups. We, we hold regular meetup groups every two weeks. And so I'll definitely give it a recommend. I like this one. If your mom were here, what would she warn me about you? Where are you getting that? Where do you see that one from?

It's on your website. It's on your website. Another one was like, what are you caring from your last relationship that you won't into this one? Oh, really? Here's one that I like. Do your impression of your parents meeting me

for the first time. But do you see how that question... These are fun. It brings the connection into play. A lot of questions are like, what are your parents like? Well, you're going to ask that question regardless of who asked the question.

Our questions are immediately putting us both in the game yeah and i like it because one of the problems you have with dating and and first dates and coffee dates is they end up just being like a new york police shine a flashlight in your face right you know give us the right answer we're going to hit you with the yellow pages you pages 1970s sort of interview sorry, did you finish that thought? pretty much, yeah we have this societal programming

where we ask the same questions and we get the same answers so what do we even really, we're just checking scripts the way to debunk that, the way to short circuit that is to ask a totally different question that hasn't been asked before and then all of a sudden, your mind, which is such a good service I'm saying is that the way to debunk that, the way to short circuit that is to ask us totally different question. It hasn't been asked before.

And then all of a sudden your mind, which is such a good service member to your question is always going to find an answer. He's going to search for an answer. How does, what's your, which is a great one on a first date. What's your favorite memory from your worst relationship? That might be a good one or bad one.

That might be a good one. I try to ask. That might be a good one. I try not to remind him of bad relationships. You don't go there. Oh, you're using that example of, okay. Yeah, as an example of how do you create new questions that people don't often ask and therefore creates a space for exploration. Yeah. Another good question asked is,

how many of your boyfriends were narcissists of the last 20? Hmm. It seems there's a commonality there between either you make bad choices or you are the problem. That's my favorite. But that's probably not in your deck, is that? No, that's not. I'll tell you why, because that doesn't set you up in a constructive answer. That's true.

But it does give you license to run. So there you go. And sometimes you need that in a dating scenario. You're like, check, please. Hey, you know what, Chris? Maybe we should collaborate. We should do an anti-and deck. Anti-the-and deck.

The Chris Voss. The dating run deck. The dating run high and dry. When to ask for the check on a date deck. She says this or he says that there you go but no i love these decks the ones i've tested i haven't bought new year's but i guess you're up next is you know you've got to let me try and plug a couple here for you this the self deck is you've got the long term couples edition where they're like why don't we have sex anymore why don't you bring me flowers

let's see i'm just kidding kidding, people. These are jokes. These are not in this deck. You got the co-workers deck. Wow. Back to solo time. Back to solo time. I'm hoping Chris is going to cut this out. He'll be back in a second, ladies and gentlemen.

We do have 12 decks. We got a lot of wrinkles, eh? Facebook. I know this is Facebook. Because Facebook was down. Did you try and get on Facebook this morning? No, I stayed away. My team let me know and I was like staying away i got on facebook and

they kicked me out of all my accounts and everything and i was like what the fuck i hope i haven't been hacked but i know this is what it is because it's going out live and they're unstable anyway we're on this out here soon so you got the healing expansion deck is that for self-healing that's for healing of any relationship okay oh so after the constructive healing after from a after a fight after a breakup after know, when you're trying to handle things and find solutions. Jesus, I should get an affiliate code and sell this to all my singles. Dude, done. Done.

Self-edition on racism. That's one of my favorites. That's interesting, on racism. That's very powerful. That's a collaboration with... There we go. I can get some Trump voters together and cover that one. Friends edition, amusing expansion?

What is amusing expansion? Meaning like amusing and healing, you can mix in with the other decks, right? The other decks are based on a relationship, friends, family, long-term. But then healing and amusing could mix in with any of the other decks. There's a kids edition too, family edition, strangers. Yeah, I love these decks because asking questions... You know, you go on dates or you you talk to people you know there's some i've seen where it delves into relationships you know my mom's still alive she's 82 we have a hard time figuring out stuff to talk

about she's ultra religious i'm an atheist you know it it can be hard finding things of common i'm sending you the family deck the family and the dating deck. The thing there is, the reason these work is because you also need to create the space. If you go to your mom and you say, hey mom, why do you love me? She's not going to be wondering why she loves you. She's going to be wondering, why the hell did Chris Voss come home today and ask me this while I'm watching TV? Where is he coming from? She's not thinking about the car. Now, if you come home with a car game, a family game's play this game and you pull out randomly why do you love me mom now the space has been created the permission has been granted for her to give the answer and maybe more important for you to receive the answer because the space is there now she's not

both wondering why the hell you're asking the question she's she's now wondering about the question itself because the space by virtue of the game is being created. Yeah. Thankfully, I don't have to ask that question anymore. She already told me she doesn't love me and I was adopted. So there's that. Really? No, I'm just kidding. No.

She loves me. We're actually in the midst of having the DNA test because I keep teasing her that I'm adopted. I'm pretty sure looking at my whole family, I'm adopted. So we're going to find out if she slept with the postman or the milkman. I think that was a joke back in the day. So I love these cars. They're awesome. Anything more you want to plug in on the show before we go?

No, I just want to thank you for the time and the platform and wishing everyone a good weekend. I guess the thing is that don't shy away from good questions because there's such a big payoff on the flip side there you go and listen to each other put that damn phone down people you know i i was out i was out at a coffee date i think one or two this weekend and the the most important thing is to put that damn phone down man if you pick up a phone when you're meeting somebody or introducing yourself to people or whatever just try and when you're talking to somebody and intimately, your family member, whatever it is, try and focus like what you said on listening to them.

Put the damn phone down. You know, when I go out to lunch, dinner with friends, we have a put the phone down rule. I agree, but then the question is what do we do now? And so that's exactly. And that's why knowing how to construct good questions is really helpful. That's why you order up his book, folks, in the question decks, as always. Give us your dot coms as we go out to a pass.

It's skindeep.com, and the socials are the same, the skindeep. That's where you can find everything. There you go. So, folks, order up wherever fine books are sold. 12 Questions for Love, a guide to intimate conversations and deeper relationships. And, of course, my question for love always is, love, why do you hate me? Anyway, I'm thinking of the Sam Kinison thing

where he's like, love wouldn't screw you in the nighttime. Come on, come on, open the door, open the door. Anyway, that's my life. Thanks for coming on the show, Topaz. We really appreciate it. My pleasure. It's my pleasure, too. I got Sam Kinison in my head.

Thanks for coming. And thanks for tuning in. Go to GoodReach.com, 4ChessChristmas, LinkedIn.com, 4ChessChristmas, Christmas1 on the TikTokity. All those crazy places around the internet. Thanks for tuning in. Be good to each other. Stay safe.

And we'll see you guys next time.