The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – 2nd Acts: The World’s Leading Online Dating Expert Shares 166 Practical No-Nonsense, Step-by-Step Approaches to Romance by Andrea McGinty

Episode Date: February 22, 2025

2nd Acts: The World's Leading Online Dating Expert Shares 166 Practical No-Nonsense, Step-by-Step Approaches to Romance by Andrea McGinty 33000dates.com Amazon.com 2nd Acts: Winning Strategies for Dating Over 50 is the ultimate guide to finding love and companionship in the next chapter of your life. Written by Andrea McGinty-seasoned entrepreneur and the powerhouse behind 33000Dates.com and It's Just Lunch-2nd Acts offers a fresh and inspiring approach to dating later in life. Packed with 166 proven prompts, real-life stories, and invaluable business wisdom, 2nd Acts is designed to ignite confidence, encourage laughter, and provide clear steps for navigating the modern dating world. Andrea draws on her unmatched expertise, having orchestrated over 33,000 dates, to deliver practical strategies that empower you to create meaningful connections. Whether you're feeling hesitant, excited, or overwhelmed, 2nd Acts will transform your dating journey with humor, honesty, and a dose of reality. It's not just about finding a partner-it's about enjoying the adventure, embracing your unique story, and confidently stepping into the second act of your romantic life. Read today. Date tomorrow. Get ready to turn the page and discover a new kind of love!About the author The Godmother of Modern Dating Releases 2nd Acts Book--Love for the over 45 crowd on January 15, 2025. Andrea McGinty, the trailblazing founder of It's Just Lunch and the creator of 33,000 Dates, has spent over 3 decades redefining modern matchmaking. With over 33,000 set-ups and 10,000 plus marriages to her credit, she is now turning her attention to helping singles with a hands-on, tech savvy roadmap to finding love later in life in today's digital era. Her book has over 14 actionable worksheets, QR codes with her personal videos to coach you, and 166 strategies to empower readers through Andrea's personal experience to take control of their loves lives, no matter how long they have been out of the dating game. McGinty is a fun, dynamic dating expert, dating coach, speaker and entrepreneur with over 30 years of experince. After being jilted at the altar in her 20's by her fiancee, she revolutionized the dating world by founding a company with over 110 locations world wide before selling to private equity. Readers love her passion and advice.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready, get ready, strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. This is Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com.

There you go, ladies and gentlemen. There, ladies, sings it. That makes it official. official welcome the big show as always the chris fos shows the family loves you but doesn't judge you at least not as harshly as the rest of your family because they know you and we don't go to goodreads.com fortress chris fos linkedin.com fortress chris fos chris fos one on the tiktokity and chris fos facebook.com opinions expressed by guests on the podcast are solely their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host or the chris foss show some guests of the show may be advertising on the podcast but it is not an

endorsement or review of any kind today we have an amazing young lady we're going to be talking to her about her lifetime of insights her depth of experience in the world of dating relationships romance and all that sort of good stuff uh if you call that good stuff i suppose some people people are like i don't like dating but you know we're gonna help you like dating i think when we're done with the show uh andrea mcginty joins us on the show today her newest book has come out january 15th 2025 called second acts the world's leading online dating expert shares 166 practical no-nonsense step-by-step approaches to romance welcome the show andrea how are you i'm great thanks for having me chris thanks for coming they call you the godfather of modern dating that you've no they call me the godmother godmother

i'm sorry i have a computer camera right there where the mother starts uh so i i like the godfather though that was yeah movies yeah you go on you go on dates you look at them across the table and you go make me not for i can't refuse i don't know but the godmother of modern dating releases second act's book uh and she is a trailblazing founder of it's just lunch and the creator of 30 000 dates and spent i thought i was tired of dating wow that's uh i've done three digit dating i don't think i'm quite to the 33 000000 yet, but there's still time. She has spent over three decades redefining modern matchmaking with over 33,000 setups and 10,000 plus marriages to her credit. That's pretty good. That's a one out of three ratio there.

She now is turning her attention to helping singles with hands-on tech-savvy roadmap to finding love later in life in the digital era. I, of course, need a single dating hands-on. I don't know what that means. Her book is a got over 14 actual worksheets, QR codes, whether personal videos to coach you and one or 66 strategies to empower readers through her personal experience to take control of your love life, no matter how long you've been out of the dating game or how lame you are, I added the last part. Welcome to the show. or how lame you are. I added the last part.

Welcome to the show. How are you, Andrea? Thanks. That was a great introduction. Yeah, we do a little shaming on the show. It's kind of what we do. So welcome to the show. Give us your dot coms.

Where can people find you on the interwebs? They can find me at 33000dates.com or you can find my, and it's 33000dates.com or you can find my book everywhere. Books are sold. It's Second Acts, Winning Strategies for Dating. There you go. Now, is this your

first book? It's my second book. Okay. My other book was in the era of my It's Just Lunchtime. Ah, there you go. So let's get into it. Give us a 30,000 overview. What's inside your new book? Well, you know what?

It's pretty much everything I know, Chris. So I think I have one book in me, and it just wanted to come out. And I take a very direct, strategic approach to dating with my clients that I work with. And it's a very business-oriented look at dating. And dating, of course, is so personal and it can be pretty emotional emotional too so my book really takes you through 166 different tactics but what's unique about it is that there are qr codes throughout the book that give you a little more from me like personal almost like personal coaching but then there's worksheets so there's every all kinds of worksheets from what's your mindset? And it runs you through, you know, are you really ready to do this right now?

To what's your brand and developing your brand? And you have to be a little bit of a promoter and an influencer, you know, to be online. To kind of the climax of the book is the personal business plan for dating. So I have you write a personal business plan, and it's fun. You know, it sounds kind of weird that you're writing a business plan for your personal life, but you've got to know where you're going. Yeah. I mean, you really do. Yeah.

You really do. You know, to me, dating is about a healthy mindset and you know there's so many people that I think it's gotten worse because people just want everything handed to them I'm not gonna complain about Millennials and Gen Z right now but anyway but you know it's it's a thing where you have to have a good mindset you have have to realize it's a numbers game, especially these days. And it's, you know, I still meet people and have people in our dating groups. We have a big dating group. So I think people know that by now in the podcast.

But it's like they want to go on like two dates and find the love of their life and then just get married. And they think that it's like they want to go on like two dates and find the love of their life and then just get married and that like they they think that it's that easy like i just need to go meet one or two people and i'll find what i'm looking for and you're like no no it's you it's a numbers game you're gonna have to run the numbers and you know anything you want in life that has any value you know you have to dig for diamonds and dig for gold. You know, anything you have to do involves a bit of work and otherwise it wouldn't be valuable. I mean, how valuable would love be if it wasn't so hard to find, right? Yeah, you're right. And you know, you're right too, Chris, because it is a numbers game. And I don't think people really appreciate that enough when they get online and start dating. And we can talk a little bit about

mindset too later, but just the numbers for a minute. I have a log sheet in my book where I have people keep track of how often they went online, how many messages they sent, and then how many replies they got back, and then how many dates they went on. And on average, for every five messages you send online, you get one reply. And then for every 10 messages that you've sent online, it's about one date. So people will tell me, oh, I'm online all day. It's a full-time job. I can't believe it. But then when I give them this tracking sheet, that's not even true.

They're going online. They're looking at like two people, and then they're like, I want, you know, instant gratification, and they hop off. So that's part of it. And then, you know, you're right. The other part is mindset. It's where are you at mentally? And, you know, you might have come out of a divorce. You might be single, you even I get young widows, you know, that are in their 50s. And I say young, because that is young.

And are you able to go out on dates and not talk about your ex and not talk about the custody battle you went through and not talk about a child you're estranged from how positive can you be you know on a date i'm not saying fake it but you know when you take when you kind of go through my quiz in 10 points you'll kind of realize who you know maybe i'm not ready for this or or yeah you know I definitely am yeah I think there's there's people that need to do that I learned as a rule of being single and I don't know I don't know what your rules are but my rule is and I copy this from a lot of people is we don't date anybody who's two years out of a divorce I mean unless you want the crazy uh the crazy stuff uh you know the revenge revenge sex you know it's fun to date

those people but usually you know they're not in a good mindset the for like it takes a year or two for me in my opinion they need to go through the grief process of the loss of identity and then they need to figure out who they are and then usually after about two years they've gone through that process they wandered through the desert. But a lot of people just hop from relationship to relationship. They never fix where they're broken. They just go use up another person until that person figures out, you know, how much they lied or how full of shit they were or what they hid in the skeleton closet.

And then once that person finds that out, they just jump from relationship to relationship. That's what I see a lot in dating now. Right. And that, you know, that's exactly what you, what you don't need. And, you know, part, part of the reason I wrote this book is I, yes, you know, I work with clients that, you know, are maybe right out of divorce. And sometimes I say, you know what, you're not ready. I'm not even going to take you out as a client right now. Now, on the other hand, part of the reason I wrote this book too, is because I've lived all this. I was married for 24 years, divorced, and I did not jump back into dating. And part of it was, you know, I just wasn't ready. And look what I do. You know, I mean, this is what I've done

since I was 20 years old. I mean, my first people that I ever set up were two of my college roommates, you know, and they're still married. So, you know, I did not jump back in. I took like a three year break, not really intentionally, I guess I just knew I needed, you know, the time out. And plus, you have other things to deal with, you know, kids that are teenagers that really don't, you know, they need their mom during, you know, or their dad during this, you know, period two of what they're going through as well. But when I was ready, I was ready. And I knew I was ready. And, you know, I jumped right back in with, and it was like three years after my divorce, with a great attitude.

And the other thing was that I did, and I think, I don't really have rules, but one complaint that I get a lot from men is they can't stand when they just get likes or winks or smiles or all that kind of stuff from women apart and no message. And so the first thing I did when I was online, I reached out to everyone that I thought looked interesting. And my personal first week dating, now this is a mistake and I don't recommend it to people. I went on five first dates. I mean, my head was like, you know, a mess by the end of it because I was like, oh my gosh, who did I talk to? You know, what did I even talk to these people about? I can't even remember them.

But you know what it did? It gave me a lot of confidence. And, you know, they were kind of practice dates too. And I realized, wow, I can still talk. You know, I've still got, I've still got a vibe. I, you know, it was, it was fun by the like third, first date I was having fun. And yeah, I mean, a bit of practice dating. One of the things I always tell people, and you can tell me what your thoughts are on this is build your social graph first,

build your friend space. And out of that is a great way to find dating referrals like people refer you and be like hey you want to date my sister uh or you know whatever but just having that good healthy friends graph going out and doing things um you know i've i've done lots of coffee dates and you uh and a lot of times sometimes I'm halfway through the coffee date and I'm like, I can't invest in this. Um, you know, there's too many liabilities, maybe too many red flags, too many problems. And what I'll do is I'll just make a friend. I'll just think of it as making a friend.

And so I'll just be like, okay, well just think of this now as a practice date. So just practice being interesting practice being funny practice you know entertaining and you know let the other person have a good time you know when we leave you know then then that's it but still you know just think of as practice dating and i think a lot of people you know they don't practice number one i mean they don't i mean going on dates and getting good to me being good at dating also contributes to you being good at relationships because you're going to keep that sort of dating mindset where you're going to keep going out you know you're going to keep thinking hey i need to still woo this person just because they're my

girlfriend or my wife or my husband or boyfriend you know you keep working it you know that making that relationship because that's i think that's when most marriages fails when they really stop dating each other right and they just start right yeah you're like roommates and you know you're right about you know the the practice dating and what you just told me your story about the coffee date i mean that just illustrates um somebody who has a positive mindset too so you're thinking like halfway through the state, there's absolutely no way. Well, you know, I'm just going to be me and, you know, make another friend. So I totally agree with you. Build up that, you know, make sure you have a good social network because so much of that, I've just been reading this University of Michigan study that says that the number one thing for longevity in life and a healthy life, it's not the working out and it's not the eating healthy,

but it's having people around you that you love and they love you back. So, you know, that could be a romantic relationship, which most people want, you know, that as a part of the equation, but just people,

people around you, you know, that, that are part of, are part of your, you know, support. And yeah, you know, you can rely, you know, that are part of your, you know, support. And yeah, you know, you can rely, you know, somewhat on that friend network or, you know, pickleball or, you know,

those kinds of things to meet some people too. And there's also great meetups, but, you know, only do a meetup if you're really interested in what they're doing. If they're hiking at Red Rock in Vegas and you hate hiking, don't do it. I had one woman who was going to the driving range three nights a week to meet men, and she's like, I just hate golf. I just hate it. I hate golf.

You hate golf and you're dating guys who are golfers? Don't do it. Yeah. what are you doing? You golf and you're dating guys who are golfers? Don't do it. Yeah. Why are you doing something like that? And then, you know, I mean, you know, so your friend group is one way. But I am a huge proponent. And this is after, you know, starting It's Just Lunch. And this is 1990.

There's no Google. There's no online dating. And it was basically, you know, a dating service, a matchmaking service. And I grew it from one location in Chicago to 110 locations worldwide. And when I sold it, um, about 10, 15 years ago, it was primarily because I saw the writing on the wall, you know, what was going on, um, with the internet, it was getting better and better there's 1400 dating sites out there most of them no but you know what the top 50 yes there are some good and they're getting so much better with like filters and algorithms and and getting rid of the scammers

and the bots so you know i really saw where where the future was. And, you know, that's why I jumped into this with coaching and helping people, you know, find relationships online. Yeah. And you just, you launched, you were the founder of It's Just Lunch. Is that correct? Yes. I was the founder of It's Just Lunch. Yep. Dating for busy professionals. Yep. There you go. I mean, I, you know, I'm an old world dater, and like I said, I'm kind of a historian, unfortunately, for dating. I saw a lot of the different changes that kind of happen with our society.

What are your thoughts on hookup culture? Hookup culture is really dominant in today's dating sphere. Annoyingly so, in my opinion, but I'm an old world freak. I don't know about that um with the 50 and 60 something group like i i would say if we're talking about the 20s and 30s and you know tinder and hinge and stuff like that yes uh i i would agree uh with that but you know when i work mostly with the 45 to 65 year old age group, and I don't, I don't see, I don't see the hookups. I see people looking for one of three things, you know,

they're either looking for a long-term relationship. They're looking for somebody, you know, maybe, maybe to live with, and some are looking for marriage. So, you know, that 45 to like 55, 60 year old crowd that a lot of them, they're, they're my second apps. They're the people that, you know, get married again. Now people in their sixties tend to not care as much about, you know, marriage and they're looking for that long-term relationship, somebody to travel with somebody to do things with, you know, that kind of relationship, you know, but an exclusive relationship. Yeah. So do you advise people to men and women to use dating apps?

Because women, I mean, they can rock on dating apps and just about anywhere, Instagram, Facebook, et cetera, et cetera. But men really don't get a lot of responses on dating apps. What's your advice on that? Oh, yes, they do. You have to be on the right, you have to be on the right you have to be on the right dating app because dating apps are very funny because they will be they will skew one way or the other either female or male so for example chris bumble uh bumble is 75 women My male clients do great, and half my clients

are men. They do great on Bumble. That's pretty much across the U.S. A lot of it, well, there's a lot more to it. Men make a lot of mistakes, too. They have bad pictures, like really bad

pictures, and they don't really write anything or they have a you don't you don't like my pictures of fish where i'm holding fish and stuff fish love that fish in their bathrooms taking a picture by their inside their car i'm like what like what what what don't they get here so you want to like really, really good pictures because it's a visual medium. So if you're not getting a good response and you're a guy out there, I take a hard look at your photos. And here's what I would do. I would show them to three or four of your women friends or your sisters and ask them what they think of the pictures.

That's a good idea. Because they will give you some, you know, they're going to be hard-hitting with their comments, right? I hear a lot about the fish and the hunting photos from women. They're like, stop doing that. Yeah, stop doing that. And then, you know, the men will complain, and women shouldn't do this.

You shouldn't be posting a photo of yourself from 10 years ago or 15 pounds ago you know post post a current photo you want you want to go out on this date and have you know good results and you don't want them to be surprised that oh you don't look anything like your photo yeah what do you think about i don't know how much you talk about this in your book. I just got it yesterday. What about filters? Filters is a huge problem in the business, this filters thing. And especially, well, in the older women, it's filters because younger women don't need them. But the filters are just crazy now.

Like, it is sheer catfishing. And we've had this discussion in my group a number of times. I mean, I have some women that take their filtering so hard, they're almost, they look like cartoons. Like, you're like, are you trying to look like some sort of Disney thing? What's going on? Like, and, you know, they're trying to look 20 years younger and stuff. What are your thoughts on filters and stuff?

Okay, here's my thought. What I really see going on, and I immediately tell a client no, is it's AI they're using now. So they're AI-ing themselves. So everything from, you know, slimming their waist to their face starts to look and they can even enlarge their eyes. I'm like, no, you look like a cartoon. Don't do that. That's that's absolutely ridiculous. So, you know, look, look your best for the photos.

But no, you don't need filters and you shouldn't be using filters. Yeah. What we see is, huh? You don't need to. and you shouldn't be using filters. Yeah. What we see is, huh? You don't need to. You know what you need? If you're doing stuff like that, you need more confidence, which means you need more practice dates. And practice dates will give you that confidence. There you go. Some of what we're seeing, and this is fairly typical, is a lot of chad chasing going on.

So if you look at the numbers of what's going on in most dating apps, I don't know about Bumble, but on most dating apps, you have women who've set their search settings to where they're only getting maybe 5% of the top quality men in the world. So they're adjusting for height and other actions but mostly for height and then income college etc etc and so what they're doing is they're only getting the top men and then what i'm finding is a lot of women that are very masculine and very uh in their 40s and 50s and stuff they're trying to date down and they're kind of addicted to this hookup culture of Chad chasing. And so that's where we see a lot of the AI being used and the filtering being used to try and make themselves look 20 years younger because they're trying to get, they're trying to still, they're still on the Chad train,

and they're still trying to chase those Chads around. That's kind of where we're seeing most of the filtering going. I mean, a lot of the counseling that I give to men is if you see filtering, just left swipe it. Just don't even support that at all. Right. I agree with you. I agree with you.

I would have to say that I'm seeing less and less of that, but it's still out there. The less and less of the ai stuff no less and less of like that the the filter is being used for the the top five percent i'm all about like yes i mean if there's something that's really important to you you've got a three post grads and blah blah blah blah and that's super important to you yeah then. Then set the filter for, you know, the education thing. I don't get too much pushback on from women on height of men. I really don't get too much of that. I mean, the average man in America is five foot nine and a half. The average woman is five, four and a half. So most women, you know, will, you know, I'm five, nine, I probably date, you know, down an inch or two and, you know, up.

So I, I don't really see it, that being a problem. So I think, I think maybe what they need more is just like an attitude adjustment. Well, you said it, I didn't. So I'm not getting in trouble if i say is she said it folks not me uh you need an attitude adjustment no it's for what i'm seeing in in our marketplace is a lot of hookup culture dominates the market it's about 95 of the dating market about 90 of men 90 85 of men not dating. They're sitting on the fence. And then we host meetups. And so we host in-person events. And when we have access to

four to 5,000 people, we can barely get 100 people out. And people just won't meet up. They just don't want to come out. They don't want to, i don't know if they're too scared i think that's part of it people seem to have a lot of meetup anxiety from covid i think i think covid really hurt us as a society where or as a humanity where we stayed inside and we lost a lot of our social skills and it seems like a lot of people have lost those in-person social skills, you know, doing remote work and COVID and, and, uh, you know, social media has kind of driven everybody away from each other to where, you know, everyone's looking at phones instead of talking to each other. And so that, that seems to be a real issue to me because a lot of these dating apps, they really don't work with the Amazon.

I call it the Amazon effect, where people are shopping online for people. And a lot of times they're just shopping for looks, really. And they think they can just order the perfect date or the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, just like you ordered the perfect product off amazon and uh although we need to have reviews i think but uh yeah you know um so i think i think where we get caught there is with the instant gratification that we've experienced with amazon wait what do you mean it's not going to come between four and eight today? What do you mean? I have to wait till tomorrow? That's so ridiculous. So some of that mindset, of course, you know, goes over into, I mean, every part of our life, you know, we want

it now. We want it now. And I think one thing to keep in mind, you've got to go into the online dating with a three-month commitment that you're really going to do this. You're really going to try. You're going to go out on dates. You're not going to have expectations on the dates, meaning you're not going to have high. You're not going to have low expectations. perseverance and resilience because last year and well this is actually 2023 and 2024 40 percent of people that got married over the age of 45 met online so when you say it doesn't work what did those numbers just say say to us people are getting married and 60% are getting married somewhere else.

You know, good for them. But, you know, if you don't have the access to that many men or that many women, hey, 40% are getting married online. So, you know, I don't know. I like those stats. Yeah. Well, so 40% of people who get married got married from being online? Is that correct?

On the date. Yeah. So people are still somehow 60% of the time getting married on the thing. I wish someone would track how long these last, like dating online, meeting online last to meeting in person. You know, the in-person thing, I really miss. So before Sex and the City came out, my conversations with women were what kind of man I would be, what kind of father I would be, what kind of earner I would be. And there would be a vetting process.

And we would go on two or three dates to get to know each other. Sometimes the first date, maybe everyone's nervous. I'm not. But maybe she's nervous i'm not but maybe she's nervous and you know maybe you're you're just not clickety you're not clicking or maybe you know things it feels a little off because you know you're strangers so um but of course in my day you know you got her number from the club so you had met her you know what she looked like you knew you were attracted to her You knew that she was probably tracked to you if she said yes to a date And gave her your number the real one

But but normally there'd be this vetting process well you know I've got people now that they won't even go on a coffee date with somebody and they're just they're just gearing off of what they see in pictures and To me that's really that's really challenging. Number one, I mean, men are very visual in that sense in what they choose. But women are very pliable in their nature where they can meet a guy and be like, well, he's not the hottest guy in the world. But then she can go, well, he's funny. He's interesting.

He's successful. He seems like he's funny he's interesting he's successful he seems like he's a good leader and as women get to know him they can be they can become more pliable to them if you understand how human nature is designed it's designed that way on purpose and so but people never get a chance to get to know each other and so a lot of what we see now is we see this, we see everyone chasing the top 5% of men and somehow expecting that somehow that's going to work out for everybody. And clearly, if you do the math, if 95% of the women are chasing 5% of the men, about 90% of them are getting all the good men.

So, you know, you hear those things, and that's just because people aren't having success. Or let's put it bluntly they're doing something wrong too they're doing something wrong and then let's go back to your point about you know divorce are people getting divorced more when they meet online well we go back to like our age group you know so let's go back to people who got married in the 90s, or late 80s, 90s. So those people now are in their 50s and 60s. So 48% of those people have been divorced. Wow. And they met in person, right?

There was no online dating when they met. So I don't think it really matters if you meet them online, you meet them at a meetup, you meet them at a Whole Foods grocery store, you meet them. I don't think it really matters if you meet them online, you meet them at a meetup, you meet them at a Whole Foods grocery store. I don't think it matters. Yeah, I mean, it seems like the younger crowd, I'd be interesting, too, on that 40% of the date that marry online. Right now, the 20- to 30-year-olds, they rule the roost when it comes to the dating apps. They seem to be doing well on them. I constantly get conversations in our group.

We have this group graph that shows the 10-year things of our deal. One of the things that the 50-year-olds run into is the availability of people and population. I don't know if you've plumbed that stat with some of your data and stuff, but at 50, men die at almost twice the rate of women throughout our lives. And when we hit 50, we go full on double. The hammer just goes down for us. We just die from, I don't know, all the stress women put us through.

Oh, my God. I'm just doing the jokes, people. Okay, hold on. So, you know, and so, you know, we do hard jobs. We do jobs that sometimes are very dangerous. We do the most dangerous jobs in the world, really, when it comes down to it data-wise. And so we die a lot. And we, you know, women have better DNA.

They're designed to stick around because we need to propagate the species. So we always need the womb. But we die faster. And one of the problems it it seems like we have at least from what we've seen in our dating groups is there's not a lot of 50 to 60s that are single and on the market the the i think i think out of my dating groups of 3200 people uh only there's only about four percent that are 50 and older five percent that are 50 and older seeking of what do you mean men of population of men yeah and women that makes that makes total

sense to me though chris because they're not they're not going to come out the way women will come out um women will come out to those types of things that you're hosting or having much more than men will. You know, a trend also that I've seen in the last five years is women in that 50 to 60-year-old age group are tending to date about five to eight years younger. And partly because they look good, partly because they've got the energy level and they can so there's not as much of a stigma you know it used to be oh the men would date 10 or 15 years younger but let's face it when we're like in our 50s and the men are in their 50s they probably already had kids they're not looking to have kids the women have probably already had kids and well at this point they're not going to have kids most likely um

so you know the the goals the goals are different so dating younger i've got one client right now who's 64 and she only dates up to 55 and she met up to 55 and she's doing great with the men and getting no pushback on age yeah there you go uh what are some of the other things we want to maybe tease out on your book uh on strategies and different uh tools you have that's in there um well i think um you a couple of things you know you make sure you're taking really good care of yourself. Stay in shape. Get a manicure. Get your teeth whitened or take care of your teeth.

Maybe it sounds stupid, but when you're online and you put it out, it's a very visual medium. And you do want to look you know your your absolute best and the other thing i would say is you want to be a little quirky online and quirky does not mean weird quirky when i say quirky i'm talking about um you know maybe your bio or a little profile you know that, that you might have on Hinge or Match or wherever. But, you know, that is really interesting. And it's not like, hi, I'm looking for XYZ and I am ABC. Because those are really, really boring. Okay, that jumps right over to the messaging part. Because that's where a lot of people lose traction because their messages are you know I already covered the part about you know

just sending likes and stuff but the other part is men will send really stupid texts like hey beautiful or hey you look hot in that picture you know like really it looks like so stupid or or we are women oh send a message like hey how's your weekend okay you know does anyone really want to answer a vanilla question like that so you know what read over their bio or their profile or look at their photos because photos will tell you a lot you know whether they're they're skiing or they're kayaking or you know whatever they're doing,

you can do a lot better messaging people that way. Yeah, showing interest in them, right? Showing interest in them. And then the other thing I would say, too, is we don't have our hormones exploding like we did at 20 when we see somebody and the the chemistry is like boom you know so i say sometimes it can take up to three dates yeah figure out whether or not there's chemistry so you go on a date you're like hmm i like tim but i don't know if you are in doubt at all, go out again. So in doubt, go out. Second date.

I thought you said in doubt for a second there. In what? I thought you said in doubt for a second there. Oh, no, no. If you're in doubt. If you are in doubt, go out. If you're in doubt, go out. Really, that's a good thing to have.

If you're in doubt, go out. Try and see if maybe you click again. Right. But you know what? Don't go past three dates because then you're wasting your time. I would say two, too. I mean, if you're not kind of clicking by date two, maybe. I don't know. What do you think? Yeah, you know what? I could buy that, too. But especially after the first date, if you're not sure, I always encourage people to go on another date. And then I also encourage people, don't jump into exclusivity either. You know, people jump too fast.

And they'll, you know, they'll go on three dates with a person and they'll be like, oh, Andrea, you know, I don't want to see anyone else. This is it. You know, we're going to have a long-term relationship. And I'll say, well, does she feel the same way? Oh, I don't know. Is she still online? I don't know. You know, that conversation. And by the way, don't force that conversation either. That conversation will come out naturally without saying, hey, want to get exclusive with me you know it'll it'll just it'll just come out so don't don't don't push it don't push it don't push it so let's talk about some of the things you offer on

your website you've got some cool things on here you can find your dating score for guys and ladies and tell us about some of their offerings you have here yeah you know um take you know if you go 33000dates.com and take the dating quiz because it gives us a lot of information, and we get back to you pretty fast with the dating score of how you're doing. So that's really helpful. Another thing on my site where I'm primarily doing coaching, but I also offer another thing where you can send us up to four photos and we'll rate the photos of your, not of other people, of yours. And give you, you know, some feedback like this is good or no, get rid of all, you know, burn all those photos.

So that type of thing. And then I write a column about three times a week. And it's just full, it's on my blog, it's full of dating advice. And I write for some publications too. But it's full of, you know, everything from red flags and new things that are coming on the market, you know, that maybe you didn't know about. So I'm really, I really stay at, try to stay ahead of trend and you know, what's, what's going on. And sometimes I, you know, I just talk to my male clients and I'm like, okay, let's talk about the top, you know, five or six things you're looking for in a woman and write columns about something

like that too. And of course, my book's on there too, but you have to buy my book. There you go. There you go. And people can reach out to you for a free 15-minute call, it looks like, too, as well. Yes. Yes. You know what that 15-minute call does is it's a chance for you to meet me and then it's a chance for me to meet you too and talk with you a little bit and see if I think we're a good fit to work together. Because, you know, I don't think you're quite ready yet.

You know, I've been here for 30 years. I'll be here next year. You know, maybe you need another three or six months from your divorce or, you know, losing your spouse or, you know, a relationship ending. You might need a little bit more time. Or I'll say, hey, you're, you know, you're a great fit. This is what we're going to do. This is the program. And let's, you let's rock and roll.

There you go. Well, Andrea, give people a final pitch on as we go out to onboard with you, reach out to you, dot coms, et cetera, et cetera. I'm sorry. I missed that. Andrea, give us a final pitch out to people on where they can reach out to you, dot coms, et cetera, et cetera. Sure. where they can reach out to you and dot-coms etc etc sure you can reach out to me at 33,000 dates calm 3 3 0 0 0 dates calm that's how many setups I've done in my life actually it's more than that and you can also text me from my

phone number is also on the site too so if you if you have questions and then you can also you know sign up for a 15-minute talk with me. And then, of course, I'm on social media at 33,000 Dates on Instagram and Facebook, LinkedIn, everything. TikTok. You can find me everywhere. There you go. Thank you, Andrew, for coming to the show. We really appreciate it.

Thanks, Chris. This was fun. It was fun to hear your viewpoints, too was fun you know hopefully this helps people a mindset and date set dating is so important order up her book wherever fine books are sold folks second acts the world's leading online dating expert shares 166 practical no nonsense step-by-step approaches to romance thank you for coming on the show thanks for audience for tuning in uh be good to each other stay safe we'll see you next time and that should have us out andrea great show