The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – 31 Days to Become a Better Man: Level Up in All Areas of Your Life! y Joel Gandara

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

31 Days to Become a Better Man: Level Up in All Areas of Your Life! y Joel Gandara https://amzn.to/3SqD3Y7 31dailychallenges.com The definition of masculinity has been evolving in recent years, with men today having lower average testosterone levels and weaker handshakes compared to previous generations. However, being a good man is not solely about physical strength, but also about fulfilling one's responsibilities towards family, spouse, and society with sincerity and determination. This book is not about weightlifting or steroid use, it's about striving towards being a man of one's word and pursuing one's goals with passion. Join a community of men who are reclaiming their lives and becoming the best versions of themselves.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast. The hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show. The preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready. Get ready. Strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, this is Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com. There you go. I don't know, man. Every time that Iron Lady pipes up, man, that just wakes me right up from whatever sleep I'm in. I'm just like, holy crap, maybe I should put that on my alarm.

She does such a great job. I'm glad I don't have to do that after 14 years of doing the Chris Voss Show singing. No one liked that anyway, right? I don't know. You guys run up to me at shows and sing it. Welcome to the Chris Voss Show, my family and friends. We certainly appreciate you guys coming in. As always, we have the CEOs, the billionaires, the White House presidential advisors, the

politicians, the Pulitzer Prize winners, the most smartest people on the planet, the right books, share their stories, share all the stuff that they learned over their cathartic journeys of life and survival and everything else. And as always, we have another great author on the show today. Joel Gandara joins us on the show with us. He is the author of the latest book to come out. It's coming out to March 20 or March 3rd, 2023. It's 31 days to become a better man. Level up in all areas of your life is his book. And you can order up where refined books are sold. He was born in Cuba, came to the United States in 1980. His family arrived on an overcrowded boat, and even though he was a kid,

he knew that he'd landed somewhere life-altering. His father took a job repairing electrical equipment at a non-profit radio station while his mom cleaned rooms in a hotel. And with their tremendous work ethic, his family lived below the poverty line like many immigrants. That led him to become an entrepreneur early on, mostly out of necessity. He started earning money at the age of 10 when he was in fourth grade. His first business plan was to buy products

that he could resell in the schoolyard. I love it. I had a lot of fun, and he had a lot of fun. I had a lot of fun reading this. He had a lot of fun, and he also learned many important life lessons that have helped him throughout his life. His parents could not afford to give him pocket money, and so did mine.

Mine were pretty stingy, but we were poor too. And that's what happened and how he learned to make money and build his business. He's done various different things with doing smart investing, flea markets, eBay sales, wholesale businesses, and importing from Mexico, starting wholesale shows in Las Vegas and Paris, and offering business owners the opportunity to sell products in brick-and-mortar stores near worldwide. He went from selling other companies' products to creating his own brand, and in 13 months, his brand reached $1 million in sales.

Welcome to the show, Joel. How are you? I'm great. Thanks for having me, Chris. There you go. Thank you for coming. We certainly appreciate it. Give us your dot coms. Where do you want people to find you on the interwebs? Sure. 31dailychallenges.com is what I'm up to now. That's the number three and one, 31dailychallenges.com. There you go. Kind of like 31 flavors, only like how to be a better man kind of sort of thing. So give us a 30,000 overview. What's inside your book? Yeah. So there's a lot to it, but to start off, I built up a business that enabled me making seven figure net profit EBITDA in my pocket to build a team to then handle it. So I didn't have to be in the day to day for the last eight, nine, 10 years that allowed me to

get into the stuff that I really love, which is coaching and helping people. And I did it as a volunteer and every startup and accelerator that asked me to, I did that organically turned into coaching because some people said, I want to hire you as my one-on-one coach instead of this group mentor for this startup group. And so that turned into something. And then I started learning things from these entrepreneurs. I saw what was missing and what wasn't working for them. And then I started learning things from these entrepreneurs. I saw what was missing and what wasn't working for them. And then I started realizing, why did certain things work for me, but they're not working for these folks? And that's what I put in this book. It's all the very good habits of the top entrepreneurs that I've coached.

And I'll include myself in there. I coached myself. I think I was a pretty good entrepreneur. I still am. And I'm putting in there all the things that helped me succeed. And it isn't just business decisions. It's a lot of discipline. It's a lot of getting up every day and doing the thing you got to do with being uncomfortable. It's having very difficult conversations. So every single day, there's a different challenge. There's two. There's

always a physical challenge. And then there's this mental self-development challenge. There you go. So we'll get back to the book, but give us, tell us a little bit about yourself as the audience. Tell us about your journey. I mean, it's certainly coming, you know, from Cuba and on all that stuff. It's quite the journey coming to America and then trying to find your way through, you know, the maze of coming up in America. Yeah. So got here as a kid, a 12 hour boat ride, four of it, four of those hours were rough seas. And it is etched in my mind. I have a serious fear of the ocean. I really do. And I live in South Florida, Miami, Fort Lauderdale area. So it's funny. I'll tie it back to the book on my day 18. It's about facing your fears. I don't want to be a hypocrite. So I got scuba certified

a few months back. And to me, I know that might sound like no big deal to most people, but to go into the ocean and know that, man, it's way down there. And I went down there. That was one of the toughest things I've ever done in my life. I got a YouTube video about it. I documented the whole thing. So that's the start of early memories are coming here in a rough seas. And that up and down continued for me. And I'll tell you, we got here. My mom was a physics teacher in Cuba. My dad was an electrician here. She cleaned hotel rooms at the Socrates Drake Hotel in San Francisco, where I grew up, that area. And my dad would fix people's radios and TVs back then. Then he got a very low paying job. And my parents were really smart and thrifty and bought a house within a couple of years, paid it off a few years later,

but lived a very simple life. Unfortunately for me, though, that meant living in a very bad neighborhood, getting into fights, doing stupid things. As we all do in youth. Yeah. So unfortunately for me, I was arrested at 18 and then at 19. So those are adult records. And I'll credit it. So first of all all it's all me bad decisions i shouldn't have done that those things but i wanted to make money and i didn't know any way how to do it and everybody in my neighborhood was doing it illegally that i knew of right the ones that stood out were the drug dealers the guys who robbed stuff you know those sort of things so a lot of stupid decisions and at 19 i said that's it this is what my upbringing was like my parents were destroyed

by these stupidity things on my part. And I made a decision. I said, number one, I'm going to buy a house in the next three years by 22. And I did. I put $32,000 down about a house every year for four years. After that, I kept buying houses, kept selling, working full-time jobs, part-time jobs. I always had a lot of work. I slept four hours a night from the age of 19 to 22. And I don't regret it. I spent those three years or four years or whatever it is with a cold. I couldn't kick the cold because I never slept. I knew it, but I couldn't do it because I had this big goal of buying my first house and the second and the third and build a business. So a lot of

ups and downs. Fortunately, now at 48 years old, I've had some successes. I've had some exits of a couple of businesses. And now the water is smooth. I'm not in that four-hour battle on that boat like I was before. There's no screaming on the ups and yellings on the downs. It's kind of cool now. And I get to enjoy it and look back and appreciate it. There you go. That's the beauty of working hard.

You do the hard work early on. And I remember telling my business partners when we were young, I'm like, we can start this company at 22 and we can work our asses off and maybe it'll work and maybe it won't. Or we can keep climbing our corporate ladder. And I see these 50-year-olds leaving the corporate golden parachute and I don't think I'm going to have the energy for this when I'm 50. And yeah, there's no way I could have worked what we did for our company. That's a way to do it. That's a way to do it. So in this book, you know, you mentioned one thing that part of the habits or tasks that you have in here are both physical and I suppose mental.

Maybe a good assertion. I'll let you correct me if I'm wrong. Why is that important to have both of those in there? Yeah, I don't know how to silo things and separate them and be really good at one thing and then horrible at other parts of my life. To me, it's all together, especially for the entrepreneur who his brain or her brain is, it's all mixed.

It's, oh yeah, I got to take my wife out on a date. Oh, I got to call that customer about this million dollar PO he might be putting in. It's all in there. And we can't clock out and start the other thing. So that's one part of it. The other part is I really believe our lives have become too easy. Our ancestors, if they were as soft and as lazy as we are, we wouldn't be here today.

Because a saber-toothed tiger would have eaten them. They would have been so stupid. And looking down at their phone, they would have walked off a cliff, right? So we are blessed that our ancestors were real people. I mean, those women were probably way stronger than us as men. And those men were superstars throwing spears and hitting an animal and eating it. So I think we got to suffer a little bit. And I don't mean a David Goggins in your face, yell at you, go run a hundred miles today. Not that, but put yourself in a little bit of uncomfortable situations. And Hey, when you got to do a hundred pushups in a day and you haven't been doing that,

you go, I don't know. That's a lot. Do it. Let's just do these 31 days of little challenges like that. At the end, not at the end, day three, guys are writing me and saying, cause I'm in it with them. I'm in that WhatsApp and the 24 guys at time only. And they're telling me this is changing my life. And I go, dude, chill out. It's day three. You got 90 minutes. Pace yourself. No, I mean, I was the guy who didn't go to the gym for most of my life. And I was always like, I got to get this business built or startup done or whatever. I'll take care of my health later. And so I never, I don't think I ever went to the gym for a week straight in all my life. And until I got older and I realized the value of it in not only in simulating your body, stimulates your brain. So, I mean, you know, you reach that age where

things are starting to go foggy and you're like, I've got to work out. And there's a feeling that you get from it and it helps your brain, helps your thought process, helps your vision. It just encourages so much more. And I think it's even more important, you know, both men and women need that because we're physical beings, but I think it's more important for a man because it refills your testosterone. You know, when you work out your legs, it rebuilds your testosterone. You're, you're, we're very, we're been, we're very physical beings as men when we're giving up our body strength for a reason to be, you know, fighters, defenders, protectors and everything else.

And so there's a feeling you get, and maybe it's endorphins or whatever, you know, just, there's probably so many chemicals that come from it that are so important for your body to have. And then the factor of discipline, you know, realizing that you don't go to the gym to give a shit about what other people do in the gym or, you know, who cares about some guy who can lift more than you. It's the battle within yourself or with yourself. It's the battle of the challenge and the discipline within you. And I think men really need that more than ever, especially today.

Oh, yeah. First of all, you're being told that being a man is somehow a bad thing by people with blue hair. But I'll say one more thing. So if a guy hears us talking right now and says, I'm 25, I'm building a business, I'm working really hard, I can take it easy. Maybe when I'm 40 and things start to change, I'll start working out. I'll tell you what. You could tell the guy who's 25 it works out compared and things start to change, I'll start working out. I'll tell you what. You can tell the guy who's 25 it works out compared to the guy who's 25 who does not work out.

He shows up even better than the other guy. So what I say to those guys like us who work 12 hours a day, 16 hours a day, and worked really hard when we were young, see, I didn't do this enough, but we should have stopped for a moment. Let's say we've got to get up to – if we're drinking enough enough water, we got to get up to go to the bathroom every so often. Do 20 pushups every time you go out to the bathroom. And do a one minute jumping jacks. You know, do these little tiny things that you squeeze in throughout your day. That's going to show,

you're going to show up different. Your posture is going to be different. Your muscles are going to be a little leaner, stronger. You're going to look in the mirror and be that extra little bit more confident. Because I wasted years being not so confident in my businesses and thinking, I don't know if I could ever pitch to that company. I don't know if they'll buy from me. I would have had that confidence had I did.

Now, later I went and pitched to them and I got those clients. But I would have done it even sooner, made more money, felt better, and gotten that good steamroll going early had I built that confidence by working out and taking care of myself. Oh, yeah. I mean, it makes all the difference in the world in how you feel, how you come across, your confidence, your presence. I mean, when you feel strong and embodied, and the thing that I would say to somebody who's watching, like you said, 25, you don't want to play catch-up, man. I'm busy trying to play catch- and it's hard man i mean trying to lose

fat and get the testosterone balance right and and and and you know burn off all the shit that i've done to my body lay that new foundation it's freaking hard it's definitely hard i've had if you're a young guy i tell this to my kids i've got four kids three of them are boys my oldest is 18 he's a soldier i tell them if you take care of yourself and you show up looking great got great posture. You're strong You got a good smile You don't have acne because you exercise drink a lot of water flush it all out wash your face regularly Guess who you attract you attract top-shelf women, right? You're talking you attract top-shelf friends if you're the nerdy guy in the corner who doesn't take care of himself, that's your new circle. Go to a party. I bet you, you and I, we go to a party. We'll end up attracting the people that we are like, and that goes for everybody. So raise your bar so that everyone around you raises too. leader it's much more easy to lead companies to to build things you know i can walk into any room

and start taking it over i usually walk into my i usually walk into my testosterone clinic for my testosterone replacement and there's usually a whole mess of people sitting there i'll come up and pound my hand on the table and be like i'm here to donate my testosterone and then i look around the room i give it a scan you own that room and I own that room and I can do that a lot I get off on it, it's kind of funny I'll go get my hair cut and I'll just take over the room and have everybody

rolling and laughing you just come across as more confident and you have that power and people do respect it or they're drawn to it most people run away from me because they see what I look like after I take over a room. But no, it's funny. So in the book, there's the lead in, you talk about where men are being told that having low testosterone levels, weaker handshakes compared to younger generations and how masculinity is involved.

Do you talk in the book, I guess, about the definition of masculinity and what we've been led to believe recently? Yeah, masculinity is toxic. And if you're too much of a man, that's bad. If you work out every day, they're making connections of that to it being a bigot and a racist. And who knows? There's all these crazy things out there. I don't listen to too too much noise i haven't watched news in eight years i can't tell you what's going on in the world gladly i don't want to be and i don't want to get too political

but i will share this there's one side of the political spectrum that will move forward more than the other the thought of not eating meat. Eating meat raises testosterone. I eat a steak a day. Do you really? Guys with high testosterone vote a certain way. I think I want to start doing that. Connect those two.

I'm on a Zempic, so it's not going to work. I eat testosterone. I eat steaks. I have high testosterone naturally. I have never taken anything yet. Right. But okay. So I eat testosterone. I eat steaks. I have a high testosterone. Naturally. I have never taken anything yet. One day I will.

Yeah. And I'm a pretty conservative guy. And most of my friends are high testosterone, strong guys who I trained jujitsu with, who I lift weights with. They're all pretty conservative guys for the most part. But then when I read this article that the left doesn't want you to eat meat for the most part,

guess what? When you don't eat meat and lower your testosterone, you're more likely to vote that the left doesn't want you to eat meat for the most part guess what when you don't eat meat and lower your testosterone you're more likely to vote for the left so that's something that i see from the outside that i'm not sure it's a i'm not sure it's a full monolith because i'm on the left but i'm a moderate democrat i don't think it's a monolith i i think some of those articles they try to paint a broad swath on people. But I will agree with you that there is an attack on men, and it has been going on since the 60s. And it's a very insidious and evil attack on men. And it actually falls on both sides of the political forum. Part of it is, part of it grew out of when women were sitting at home and men were making life easy we they started

doing advertisements through tv and you know tv came into its age tv advertisers figured out early on and so did sitcoms and everything else that the play to the audience they had before them you know women's natural state is uh not to be self-accountable it's just the way they are it's kind of a feature not a bug and so you know it became shows that devalued men you know oh dads are stupid you know we went from we went from what was the leave it to beaver yeah ward cleaver ward cleaver was the ideal strong husband strong husband great father to you know pick your witch bewitched to me yeah the stupid stupid guy and so they the advertisers and media started figuring out that women liked poking fun at men and playing the victim card and so they started

focusing on that and that's when we really started evolving as men and of course the family breaking apart with abortion and everything else you can you can literally tie the decline of marriage and manhood and men's stuff to that. And it became a generation where over the last few generations, the alpha men died off and they just became beta fathers. And now there's just sim fathers, you know, guys who rock around going, help your wife, hop your life. And so, but it's much more insidious than that. It goes to, you know, it basically breaks down to feminism, really,

when it comes down to it. And feminism's interest was never to be fully equal. There is no equality in the universe. Men and women are not equal. If somebody tells you that, just give them an earful. Yeah, that's the same argument. Whoever would think that is, no, we're all the exact same.

Women are just as strong as men. Look, I think we all have tremendous strengths. My wife is a woman. My wife has the most patience. She's the most nurturing and motherly. It's the reason that kindergarten teachers are women. I don't see too many male kindergarten teachers. But you also don't see any guys saying

they're being discriminated against that. We're not built for that for the most part. There are exceptions to everything, but you and I would be the worst kindergarten teachers in the world, right? Yeah. And I don't, you know, I don't know. One of the things that, one of the biggest problems is there's just been a serious attack on men. And the attitude has been that men must be put down in order for women to rise up. And it's been a scarcity mindset where it hasn't been like, hey, we can all rise together. And part of it comes from sexuality and intersexual dynamics. Women's value for sexual and mating peaks at 23 for men's attraction.

Men's value peaks at 55 because we're valued for resources we're not valued for beauty we have to earn our place in society and women felt that they could hack the system by becoming men and entering a men's world i mean leadership battle that goes on the corporate level it is a tribal fight battle that men used to go into when they would fight with, you know, you know, woolly mammoths or whatever,

the lions and shit. It's a men's world and it's designed that way on purpose. Leadership is a, is a masculine trait, trust, honesty, loyalty, all that stuff is masculine.

And so women want to play in that world, but they don't want to accept the most key value of, of men, which is self accountability andountability and self-actualization. And there's a reason for that. It's featured on a bug in their aspect of their thing. But the delusion that has been fed to women for all these decades is that you can have everything. They were raised by you can have everything. And little boys were told you need to do whatever the women say. Yeah. Well, how do you get brought up as a little boy? With your mom

and then with a female school teacher who pats you on the back and gives you a sticker when you make you please her. Those are the guys right now saying, happy wife, happy life. Yeah. And men are, we've had a lot of psychologists on race on this. So there's data on this people, if you don't believe me, but basically men have left, have been driven out of teaching and it's just women so these these little boys are being raised by women fathers fembot fathers they're being raised by fembot teachers and they are treated in school like defective girls so when jimmy acts like a little boy does, because that's how little boys are and that's important for them to do what they do, they get treated like defective girls.

And so there's been this whole thing that we just need to turn men into women. And which is weird because all the women want to become men. That's really what you see, you know, and ultimately I don't think anybody's happy under that scenario. They're not. And the interesting thing about it is the feminists are still running a dualistic strategy.

So I see so many feminists that are still running hypergamy. So they're still dating up. They're still supporting a patriarchy. Even anybody tells you they don't support the patriarchy, they go to church all the time and believe in religion which is a patriarchy women technically still want a guy watching over him whether he's in and the house or in the sky and they're chasing you can see what they're doing on dating apps it's all data that you can see with this but it's it's pretty insidious because what they've been trying to do is flip the model where women can become men and men can take a step back and be women. And it's not about equality at all.

If it was about equality, women would be on the draft. They wouldn't need special assistance to get ahead. Nowadays, if you go into a job, know if you're a man or woman against it a woman might get the job you might get the board seat and stuff not whether you might deserve it but maybe you know you're just because you oh we need to check that box but you know recently there's kind of been a return to stuff yeah there i heard a story of and this has been happening a lot in corporate america we're seeing that in the dating markets. But recently there was a big high-powered attorney firm, and they couldn't figure out why they couldn't keep women.

Silicon Valley has the same thing. They couldn't keep women in jobs. And they're like, why is it all, you know, we have these women, we've got all this money, they have all this power, they have all this success. And at 40, they're dumping out on us and leaving and going and starting families. And they're like, why can't we keep women?

And it's because women eventually will always default back to their biology. They'll go have families. And you know what happens when they don't? Not all of them. Again, there's always exceptions to everything. But the one who doesn't do that ends up at 50 completely alone. And there's a lot of women regretting that now. I'm seeing that in the dating market. And it's very rare that there's a woman at 50 who doesn't

have children. It's really freaking rare. But what I'm finding now is a more disturbing trend where the women bought the corporate man thing, and they bought this lie that says, don't go serve a man as a wife, go serve a corporate man, CEO is the thing, and freeze your eggs and stuff. And so now the disturbing thing that I'm seeing is women who are in their 50s with a half-cooked family on their divorce, and they're looking for new mates to come in at 50, 55 with a half-cooked family. And I'm seeing women that are posting in dating apps that, hi, I'm 47, I froze my eggs, and I need to find a mate really fast so I can start a family because I live the corporate trend. And basically, we're going to see here over the next 20 years the end of the attempt to flip this lie on society and biology.

And you're going to see women that are going to be seven years old where they're trying to get their kids out of the house because they waited all these years. There's no man that's going to take that. I'm 55. I'm going traveling, man. I'm not trying to recoup. And also as a man at 55 who's built wealth and has life experience and the women aren't necessarily, like you said, they're not looking just for looks.

They're looking for security and protection and a good life. You have a whole gamut to choose from. Oh, yeah. I mean, as a man. From 25 to 50. Yeah. Your value is still there. Yeah.

And I'm at my peak value, so I'm not settling. I'm at my peak income. Most men by 55 are in their peak income levels. So the sad part is, is these women don't understand how frail they're going to get. They don't understand how, you know, they usually have no idea what a truckload, what's the thing they get when they're about 50 that changes, they lose their ability to have kids. Menopause. Menopause. Menopause. That thing's a nightmare. Yeah. And you're going to have literally kids that are going to be, when they want to leave for junior high, they're going to have to change 65-year-old mom's diaper and hope that she doesn't wander out of the house with her Alzheimer's.

That's what you're going to have coming up here. Yeah. With all these people who saved and no husband and all these people who saved them. And it's going to be ugly. And mom's going to be working at Costco till she's 80 to get these damn kids out of her house. Yeah.

Look, I think, and I don't mean to say that if a woman feels one way, she should force herself to do something else. Fortunately for me, fortunately for my fortunately for my wife my wife has those old school traditional values and she gets it whether it's she's manipulated me for 21 years i don't know but she seems to act like this is her calling and what does that do

it makes me want to fulfill my calling right to protect to give additional security make sure our four kids are taken care of and man if she's faking it it's a great show but but we're all so happy because we're all fulfilling our roles that i think we were designed or evolved to do yeah so i mean it just all came to this lie that women were told hey you can have it all you can do everything and that's just bullshit no one can have it all and no one can have anything and instead of logically being able to go like men can and go that's bullshit they're emotionally connected to it and the more the more they find it's bullshit the more well men are to blame for it they double down yeah emotions will could lead you to delusional thinking it's i think it's logic that helps you figure things out and go

the right direction emotion isn't reality emotion is your perception of reality yeah and you and then whatever decide way you decide to react to it so yeah men's men's thing has been over uh under attack for a lot of time and i think that was told to both sides of the political party of spectrum all women were telling their daughters after the 70s you can have it all you can be a businesswoman you know don't don't stay home and do what I did. They just curse their kids to go into this life of hell. And now they're all waking up at 40 and 50 going, Jesus, I hate this. I hate being a man all the time. I hate being masculine all the time. And it's too late.

I know cases of those type of women. And these are friends with a guy who put up with that. Good guy doing everything he could for his wife and being that submissive type guy and then guess what happens after a certain age that woman leaves them i've seen this happen too in multiple occasions to go for a tough guy because in the end what she wanted is that tough guy i might grab her hair a little bit i don't condone that but you know just be a little more rough as opposed to the yes, dear type of guy. They always go to masculine.

It's funny. You'll hear all this stuff being said about how we want nice guys. Women do that for a PR reason. It's a feature, not a bug. We're aggressive and direct communicators. They're indirect and non-aggressive, subversive communicators.

They deal in a different sort of way. And there's a reason for that if you studied human nature all over time. But the biggest lie that has been told to men and women for the past, since the 60s, is that we're equal, we're not different, and we all have the same strengths, and we all can be each other. I mean, it's just bullshit. And sadly, a lot of men were raised that way. I was raised by an alpha grandfather and grandmother. I saw an alpha grandfather and I saw what a

feminine alpha relationship was with a masculine and a feminine place. And then on the other side, I had the opposite. I had a very masculine, angry, bitter, vicious, shrew grandmother with a weak husband. And I grew up with this juxtaposition looking at both of them going, why is she such an angry person and vicious and mean? And this woman over here is feminine and beautiful and so well. And it was because she had a masculine husband and she did not. And she was having to live in her masculine. And really it comes down to very simple things. People living in their masculine, people living in their feminine. But you're right. A lot of people have deluded and been lied to about what

being masculine means. And it doesn't help that women have taken over the psychology boards and they recently declared that masculinity is bad and evil. Yeah, well, 20 years ago, I remember reading in college, yeah, more than 20 years ago, reading in college feminist books that as I read them, I had a good head on my shoulders. I couldn't believe as I turned the pages that they're saying these lies. Everything was that the men in this planet are the worst thing in the world.

It was jumping into kids' brains, and some of them didn't come as prepared to college. I think I was a little bit older, and they probably believe it all. But it was thing after thing that tells you that you're horrible, you're bad, and basically go kill yourself, I guess. I don't know what they wanted us to do other than just simp and be the weakest person possible. It's really weird, but you see, they tell us to do other than just simp and be the the weakest person possibly it's really weird but you see they tell us all this stuff but then you go on dating apps and you see what women are chasing they're chasing the most masculine man you see what the feminists do like i know so many feminists they married a guy who made more money who was more masculine

and everything else yeah this is this is hilarious to see like you said it's pr it's good pr it's good pr it's i think and really in reality my theory of is from what i know about women is it's this it's a it's a it's a sabotage mechanism for because women compete for men so what they do is they tell women hey you should you should go paint your hair blue and go over to that march over there keep in mind i'm a moderate democrat folks yeah. Yeah, you don't sound like it. You sound like a right-wing conspiracy theorist. You would think, but I'm not. I'm just a guy who understands sexual dynamics.

Because you know what? You can be right where you are politically in your thoughts, but as the political parties move, you're looking like a little bit more conservative probably over the years. Maybe. Yeah, I used to be kind of a liberal, and then I kind of understood what was going on with the stuff and i you know i don't agree with the far left of my party i don't agree with the far right of of the republicans to me i really see that the extremes are really

the problems in this country oh yeah you know there's plenty of moderate uh republicans that you know are fucking sane and and moderate democrats i hope that you're saying i i seem i think i'm sane. So whatever that means. I mean, what's the old definition of sanity? It's just whatever enough people think they are on a curb. But, yeah, so men have been deluded. They've been told all this thing, masculinity is toxic.

You know, no one ever says the words toxic femininity, which there really isn't. It's really, yeah, it's just toxic masculinity. There isn't toxic masculinity. There are people who are toxic that are men. There are toxic females too. Yeah, there are toxic females too. We put those toxic men in prison usually.

So, you know, I'll tell you that that's all I want to do is bring attention to this and let these guys who have been pushed down for so long, hey, give it a shot. For 31 days, you're going to be a little bit more masculine. And like I said, it doesn't even take the 31 days because they're starting to message me a lot sooner. But once they do some little exercises, like, hey, get things off your chest, say to these people what's been on your chest,

do this exercise, get yourself in a cold bath and wake yourself up, something starts changing in your brain and in your behavior when you do these sort of things. Most definitely. Most definitely. It changes. It starts amping up your masculinity. It starts amping up endorphins, dopamine, serotonin. I mean, I'm no scientist, clearly. And so you do this. Let's talk about some of the programs you do on your website. I see men's and women's programs here. And then I think you have some groups and stuff. Let's get into it as the offerings you have there. Sure. Guys go through these 31 days. Look, here's the thing. I exited my businesses and I'm okay financially. I'm not doing this

for money. I'm doing it to impact lives. I'm an entrepreneur, so I love building. But the price for these 31 days is $199. I don't think I'll ever raise that price because I just want as many guys to be able to try this out and see if they love it. What I do with every class of 24 guys, I pick the top few guys and I invite them into what I call the brotherhood. That's my inner circle. If those guys need me at any time, they can call me up and it's happened. A guy called me this morning, his father passed away and I was the first one he talked to, right? So I'm there for them. They're there for each other. I bring them amazing speakers we had 48 guys with an entrepreneur yesterday who's an amazing author i've got an air force general

talking to him i've got israel del toro he's an airman in a hum in a humvee he was there to call airstrikes in afghanistan he got blown up ears gone face gone he's talking to my guys and coming out to visit him we have an annual retreat we do all these cool men stuff. We're in a fishing boats here in Miami, caught a bunch of big fish in September. And that's a circle of guys that they usually don't have before. Guys who've been through the 31 days, they've been through that bootcamp and they understand each other. We're all working to get better. So there's that. Recently, my wife, Jessica, who's amazing, cancer survivor, registered nurse up until she was 30. She at 30 four kids that we have heart a badass you can see all her abs works out one to three times every day she's a machine no excuses wow she started a women's program same exact model

first class is on right now sold out right away 24 spots that's the other thing we're not trying it's not a money grab we limit it to 24 people if that limits the income i other thing. We're not trying to, it's not a money grab. We limit it to 24 people. If that limits the income, I don't care. We're not doing this for the money. We're doing this to change lives. So what happened is, you know, after I'd had a couple hundred guys go through my program, they started asking my wife on something like this. Cause she says, she's never seen me this good. Do you have something? And I kept saying, I'm not going to teach women. I'm not the guy for that. And that turned into convincing my wife, who I think is the most amazing woman I know to start a women's program. And that's what she has going on.

And then on 31dailychallenges.com, it's a men's program, a women's program, and then it goes on from there. But that's the starting point, kind of the boot camp. There you go. I love it. You know, one thing that I don't have it recently off the thing. I think it's on my phone. But there's been a recent thing that's come out that men are now alone more than ever. And even if they're married, they feel alone. You know, men are just shoved into the dirtiest part of their house is the garage or into some sad,

pitiful, what do they call them? The basement things, man cave, you know, I mean, this is your house. You usually earn more than your wife. You paid for it and build this house and you're not even welcome in it. You know, a lot of men are disrespected sometimes in relationships and different things you know they've failed all the shit tests a lot of young men you know this incel simp generation makes me mental and they're alone and women always have a support group for women are very communal they always have a support group but men nowadays don't have. And when I grew up, you know, my alpha grandfather and my father and other men, we went and did things together as men. We went fishing. We went hunting.

We went camping. We, you know, we just did stuff. We worked on cars. We did guy stuff together with guys. And I love hanging out with other dudes because it refills my masculinity. But it's so hard nowadays. Like if I meet somebody and I'm like, hey, you want to go to the gym together and be my spotter? It's like, what are we, gay?

You're like, dude, what the fuck? I'll tell you what, the most common in my world of networking and building businesses, and I bought 14 of my competitors, so I had to build relationships over a couple decades. The typical thing, if you're in town, is you want to go grab coffee, a drink, lunch. So years ago, a friend of mine, David Redlick, taught me to not ask that, but instead to say, hey, let's get to know each other. Come work out with me. And that's my default. Unless you tell me, I know I got a bad injury.

I can't even go for a walk. Let's go have coffee. Absolutely. Otherwise, 90 something percent of my get togethers. Yesterday, I hosted six entrepreneurs who flew in from DC. They're all members of entrepreneurs organization. They're here on their retreat. They came to my house. We did a workout, jumped in the pool, ice bath, sauna, steam room, Wim Hof breath work. And then we talked business around the table, the seven of us for an hour, spend a whole day together. There you go. I love it. Yeah. Typically what you're going to find is let's just go have a drink and I don't drink alcohol. I do smoke cigars. So I like to do that and everybody around me can drink. I don't care. I'm going to have water, but, but, but that's the thing I think we need to bring back. It's

that camaraderie. It's that brotherhood. I didn't do this for money. In fact, my first class was someone else's book and it was completely free. 20 something guys, most of them millionaires, but you know, we have all kinds of guys, but I started with my friends and then it went on to the next class, the next class. And once they all said, Joel, can you do this again, a second class and charge us? Cause you put a lot into us charges. And then they convince you and write a book, man, because you've talked about these topics and yours are better. So then I created a book to go with it. But all this was because I really saw a need. Everybody says that, but they're usually chasing money.

I'm doing it because I really saw a need for what you just said, to do stuff together. And it's virtual. We've got guys all over the country. A lot of them are linking up because they're like, oh, I'm in Wisconsin too. I'm in Pensacola. I'm in, and they're teaming up with each other. But we've got this virtual

community to bring them all together and do guy stuff. There you go. The one thing you shouldn't do though, I should say, is one of my guy friends who knew me on Facebook for a long time called me up one time and asked me if I wanted to go hot tubbing with him. And that's probably the one thing you shouldn't do. We don't want to start with that. First you want to invite a girl out.

I think he was wondering because I've been single all my life and I think he was curious about it. Yeah, I don't start with that. I get that from a couple gay guys where they're just like, Chris, you've never been married. And I'm like, no, I lived in Vegas for 20 years for a reason. Yeah, if you were in San Francisco, I might think differently. The check-ins at the Spearmint Rhino are kind of a sign. So there you go.

And at strange hotels. So, yeah. I mean i what's the old line i chris never got married because he never got tired of being happy but no i love that you're doing all this stuff and and you know we need to bring it back you know all these school shooters that are going on we've had all the authors on the show and the psychologists that done the studies these are boys who are lost. They're lost in their manhood. They're lost in their masculinity. They're living in their emotionality like women. And you don't put something...

We're designed to kill. I mean, physically designed, we are designed to be killers in our brain and everything. We do whatever it takes to protect and fight and war. But, you know, this is what provides this safe society where everyone can complain about how awful men are yeah you want to see how you think if you get together and do guy stuff that's producing violence my circle are pretty tough guys i train jujitsu and that's why i know some

amazing guys those are the most kind men you'll ever meet they can destroy you they can break your neck get you to sleep they can do a lot But, man, those tough guys are the kindest people, and they're great to women. So don't believe the hype. Yeah. There's an old saying, don't believe what they say, watch what they do. And if you study the data, it's there. But I'm glad you're doing this. This is really important for men.

And if you're a man out there, you need to go find friends. You need to have a circle of friends. When it was the old thing, the five people that you surrounded. The average of the five. Yeah. And you need to have a men's group of men. And you don't need to have loser men. You need to have men who are masculine and they're healthy masculine,

if you want to identify it that way. Because masculine is healthy in its nature. But you want to have men that are going someplace they're doing things with their lives that are achieving things with their lives people who pull and drive you to be better because that's what masculinity really is a drive to be better a fight to be better we're constantly improving our skills and doing what we do you know laying around and living on our emotion is just a horrible place to be so there you go do you guys get into any of the stoicism stuff about patients marcus aurelius and things like that yeah we've

never we can't have marcus aurelius on the pod on the show but on our thing but yeah we're still trying to book him yeah yeah we all align with it we share those types of thought when one of the guys shares something's going through we're there for each other for that stuff someone will often remind him about stoicism in a particular quote that usually works with guys it's so good for men and women like it too i got a good gal pal she likes stoicism stuff she likes the seneca so there you go it's good we people shouldn't live in their emotions all the time although some people i think have to by biology wise so thanks for coming on the show, Joel. Give us your dot coms. Where can people find you on the interwebs?

Yeah, 31dailychallenges.com. And I'm on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn as well. There you go. And let's see. Order up the book, folks, where fine books are sold. 31 Days to Become a Better Man. Level up in all areas of your life. March 3rd, 2023 is when it came out.

And thank you very much, Joel, for coming on the show. Thanks to my audience for tuning in. Go to goodreads.com, 4chesschrisfoss, linkedin.com, 4chesschrisfoss, chrisfoss1, the TikTokity, and all that good stuff. Thanks for tuning in. Be good to each other. Stay safe. We'll see you next time.