The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Alain Dumonceaux of The Awakened Man

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

Alain Dumonceaux of The Awakened Man Theawakenedman.net As the Purposeful Action (Men)tor for the Awakened Man movement, Alain Dumonceaux has been on a mission as the beacon for what it means to live an authentic life. For the past three decades, Alain has lived the highs of the Culinary Olympics to the lows of losing it all…almost twice. Today, Alain's purpose is to guide men to rediscover their life's mission starting with a purposeful action plan called: The Return of The King that sets the stage for their Hero’s Quest.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready, get ready, strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. I'm Chris Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com, thechrisvossshow.com. Welcome to the big show, my friends. The big podcast tent in the sky of the Chris Boss Show family

where we all come together for the communion. We all come together for the big praising worship of wisdom and knowledge and becoming smarter because you don't want to be in the Dunning-Kruger crowd. Folks, if you know what that is, you can Google it. If you don't, well,

we might be talking about you. That was rude, Chris. Don't do that. Anyway, guys, be sure to go to YouTube.com for Chess Christmas. Goodreads.com for Chess Christmas. And LinkedIn.com for Chess Christmas. And tell your friends. Put your arm around them and lightly

shame them not in a bad negative sort of way but just give them a little shaming like tsk tsk if only you knew more and you listen to chris voss show you'd be more sexier to me so uh knowledge and brilliance and smartness makes you more sexy i don't know if that's true or not i just made it up anyway guys welcome to the show we certainly certainly appreciate you being here as well. We've got an amazing gentleman on the show. He runs a site that is called theawakendman.net, and I'm hoping to become that later on today, on Monday, because I'm drinking the coffee to chase that. So I thought it would be good to bring him on so I can wake up because I overslept this morning. We have a gentleman on the show.

His first name is Elaine. Elaine, do I have that right? Yeah, and Alan is fine as well, Chris. Thank you so much. So is it Canadian accent for Alan? Yeah, absolutely. French-based for sure. Is it really?

Yeah. There you go. Most people refer to me in four-letter expletives, so there's that. Can you give me the pronunciation, Alan, on your last name, please? Absolutely. It's Dumonso. Dumonso. So very French.

Yes. Am I even doing a French accent? No, pretty close. You can tell me how you see it. All right. Alan, so what we have is we have him on the show. We're going to talk about his journey. And he's gone through an interesting journey as a young man.

It seems like he's still a young man from what I can tell. He is the purposeful action mentor for the Awakened Man movement. He's been on a mission as the beacon for what it means to live an authentic life. And for the past three decades, he has lived the highs of the culinary Olympics to the lows of losing it all, almost twice. Today, his purpose is to guide men to rediscover their life's mission, starting with the personal action plan called The Return of the King's just the stage for the hero's quest. Welcome to the show. How are you?

I'm doing really great, Chris. Thank you so much for having me on the show today. There you go. There you go. Thank you for coming. And I think we haven't had a Frenchman in a while. We had a great French journalist a while back. So we need more French people on the show.

I don't know why we're discriminating or something, but welcome to the show. Give us your.com so people can find you on the interwebs. Absolutely. So you can find me at TheAwakenedMan.net. I also have the host of the Revolutionary Man podcast as well, where we give opportunities to really enlighten guys' lives and some of the challenges that we faced. We talk a lot in my work about everyone being on their own hero's quest,

and so it's a great place to hear how other people are living their hero's quest. There you go. And I understand this is a great thing to give men, kind of a space to talk. You're looking to create like a community. Is that correct? Yeah, absolutely. So I know, and I'll just tell a little bit about how I got to that point. Sure.

I was one of those guys that, you know, always watched the rom-com movies back in my early 20s and that. And I married my high school sweetheart, to believe it or not, and, you know, and had this vision that we're just, you know, we're going to, you know, live together and die and have matching cups to put our teeth in, you know, on the headboard and that whole thing. But when that reality didn't happen, then life really changed

for me. You know, I was extremely successful. It said there in the intro there, I was competing in Culinary Olympics professionally. I was doing outstanding, but my personal life was just in the toilet. And so when everything, when that marriage failed in my early 30s, I lost everything. I ended up by having to claim bankruptcy. I lost everything. I was in such a state of depression that I hardly saw my kids for about a year and a half. I just couldn't work up the guilt, really, of being able to see them, to have them see their father in a place. And, you know, as time has gone on, I've understood that they didn't really care.

They're three and five. That's not what they wanted. They just want to spend time with their father. And then, you know, fast forward, I met another young, another lady. And, you know, we've been married now for 20, 20 plus years. And I just about blew up that one as well. And even though I was on this journey of, you know, self-discovery and,iscovery and what I thought was doing the work. But the truth of the matter is that while I read lots of books and did some courses and got some training,

the problem was that I wasn't really living it. I wasn't living authentically. I might as well just grab the newspaper for the amount of value I was putting in it. And I know that's pretty prevalent with lots of guys, right? We're pretty intellectual, we're left brain thinkers. We don't necessarily want to dive on that right side and really get into stuff. And so when my second marriage just about collapsed due to some infidelity on my part, it was my wife who saw the man inside of me that needed to be revealed and gave me the opportunity to truly

turn things around. Now I say that because I think it's important that the people that understand that while I had the opportunity, had the work not been done, then there wouldn't be where I am here today and I wouldn't be doing this work. And so that was one really powerful piece. And within a real short period of time, less than a year, about a year and a half, my father-in-law passed away. And he was really, really close to me. It was like he had two daughters. I was the son he never had. And he's a big Yankees fan.

So we traveled to Minneapolis. I live in Winnipeg. So we'd go to Minnie to watch the boys play. And we just hung out and did things and so when uh when nobody could find him for about a day and a half uh i went over to his house he lives a couple blocks from us and and i knew right away there was an issue because the cars were in the driveway and his little dog dicky was uh sitting there at the door you know pretty pretty melancholy and you know it's not something that you want to face in life you know you have you have the lots of grief, you know, I'm going through some other stuff. And I just found

there was nowhere for guys to go. I was very uncomfortable sitting in a, doing any grief work with, uh, with other women in the room. I felt I needed to, that's not very macho. That's not what men do. And so I created this space where guys come in and really, really deal with their stuff. And, uh, you know, it's a place where there place where we're free of shame, blame, and judgment. And I think that's really needed today because guys just don't know how to deal with stuff. We weren't taught. And I think it's important that we get an opportunity to really work through that stuff so we can get our lives back on track.

So are you still married to your second wife? Absolutely. Wow. And how long have you been married now? Just 20 years. We're just coming on 20 years here this October. Now, you mentioned there was some infidelity. So she gave you a second chance at that, huh? Yeah, absolutely. My wife married late. This is her first marriage. And she just said that really she wasn't interested in wanting to remarry and go through that process. But what she was interested in is to see.

And she challenged me. She says, I just want to see if you're truly the man that you claim that you are. And so I had to go and do that work. Now, it was a really challenging two years, especially to go through that, to go through everything. But then what it revealed to me is that, you know, I learned how to be a better communicator because honestly, up until that point in time, I was a people pleaser and a doormat. No, that's not her fault. That's my fault because that's how I, I showed up in the relationship. And so when things started to become, when I started to really understand,

then I could start to make changes in how I was showing up. And that also caused some challenges as well for her because now she's not used to seeing, oh, really, Al's acting a little differently than he normally does. But it was important for us to go through that. And we spent lots of work rebuilding trust, obviously, that had to happen.

I work in hospitality. At the time, I worked in hospitality. So it's late nights. It's weekends. You know, the convenience because of that type of environment. I did things to make sure that she could rebuild that trust with me, right? So access to cell phones and emails and whatever you need to do, right? Yeah, it's interesting the journey you go on.

You marry that first woman and you're kind of in that mode that you mentioned. I sometimes refer to it as oneis or um the soulmate myth uh do you have any thoughts on that sort of thing that men are going through and why we why we have that mentality yeah well we we think we have i think that what it boils down to is that we just think that we can't do any better right and this is it like we've hit the pinnacle we've we've've, we've got this individual that's in our life and then we just pour everything into it. And one of the things I've learned is that I truly believe that men fall deeper into love than women do. And it takes us longer to get out. And that's how it takes us longer to get out of it. Yet, when we're in the relationship,

all we know on how to react and live in that is that we mirror what we've seen, whether that's through our parents' relationships, through other family dynamics. And I think that we feel that we can't make a different choice. And so we just go through life. We're just repeating motions and behaviors that we've seen. We're mirroring them, but we haven't really dealt with the real hard stuff. And what I mean by that is I talk in one of the programs, we talk about the big three.

Are we in alignment with sex, spirituality, and money? Because if the relationship's going to have challenges, it's going to have challenges in those three areas. Everything else is going to come back to, to those three pieces. And so can we be in alignment with, with what those three are? And that doesn't mean we agree on all of it, but we under, we understand where the other person's coming from. And if there's too much of a gap, then we can make different decisions before kids and homes and everything else comes into play. It's not that you can't. It's just messier, right?

You know, when I was growing up, I looked at how my sister dated. And my sister would talk to me openly about it. And finally, I had to ask her to stop because I was going to switch teams if she didn't. It was, you know, the way women think is very complex and, uh, um, scattered at the same time. And, and so you never know where, I mean, the stuff you would think about, I would, I would, I would be like, I really can't be on a date with a woman and think, know that she's thinking that way and they can multitask very well. Um, but there's a lot of stuff that they, that goes through their mind where we're kind of a little bit more focused on stuff. But we also, you know, don't multitask as well as they do in their head, I think.

You know, you talked about how men don't have spaces. One of the things that a lot of men don't realize is, you know you know, it used to be in the, prior to the seventies and eighties, um, you know, we had bars we could go to, we would go to football games or baseball games together. There were man places and man spaces that were only men's spaces, much like women have only women's spaces now, uh, which is kind of interesting flip, uh, considering they wanted into all of our spaces. Um, and, and, and so men didn't have these spaces and men don't talk to each other anymore. And I know something when I was growing up, I'm a guy who's 55. I've been single in my life by choice. Um, I tried, you

know, playing the, the social form constructive game that was given to me that like go be a resource mule and pump out stuff and, and, you know, provide for people. And then, you know, people can just divorce you and tread on you. You know, but each relationship I went in, you know, there was trouble with the gals. And I wasn't the most perfect person either. I'll take 50-50 blame. But there's no men's space where men can go to the bar and sit together and talk about men's stuff. And when I was dating and when I was seeing all my men friends go away, you know, a lot of my men friends would come to me and go, hey, Chris, we can't be friends anymore because you like to be independent and, you know, you're a fun guy having your single life and you're a bad influence on me, my girlfriend says, and we're getting married. So whatever, I'm not the guy who gets invited to weddings, which is fine with me,

actually. And so, you know, I would find that these men were getting programmed very early on and they would, they would just, like you mentioned, they would think that this is the one-eyed person. This is the, the all in person. And, you know, it's been said that, and what I find now, men really isolated and going through a lot of depression, which is probably why we have a higher suicide rate than men, or than women. And it's because those spaces have been invaded and they've been taken away. And so we don't have the ability to sit and talk. In fact, if anything, in certain parts of our society, we're shamed.

You know, there's a lot of shaming going on now because we hold to our biology and we want certain things and we look for certain things. And there's a reason for that. So I'm glad you're creating these spaces because we need them. Men need to talk to other men. And part of it's tribal, I think, where when I game with my friends, and they're mostly male, they're all male pretty much. I have some female friends that I can game with. But, you know, mostly the continuum is men. And when we get together, we're tribing. We're doing caveman shit.

We're getting together. We're forming a tribe. We're going and achieving things. And there's something, hanging out with other men, it feeds your testosterone and it does a difference. So I think men's space is really important. It's important that men recognize that they need to go hang out with other men sometimes and just do men shit. 100%.

The only way you learn how to be a man is in being with other men and being in masculine environments. And some of this challenge also goes back to the rise in the fatherless homes right and so it's it's it's a huge issue and and this isn't about and what i'm saying this isn't about about them single moms not you know not being you know having to live this life what i'm talking about is just as a man i can't i can't raise an individual to be what it's like to be a woman or a mother. The mother can't provide that either.

There's just things that men bring to the table that are different. And we have to be able to recognize that that's the way it is. And so that brings a lot of the youth now that are coming through that are in this position and they don't know how to interact. They don't know what it means to be in a in a in a man's space where they're most likely they're going to be held accountable at least that's the kind of work that we do and even though we i said we you know it's no shame blame and judgment we still hold each other you know with with love and compassion our feet to the fire and so you know with with love and compassion, our feet to the fire. And so, you know, with every time we get together, everybody leaves with at least having one commitment that they're willing to take an action on by the next time we get together.

And why do we do that? Because we're guys. Like you said, we're doers. We want to do things. That's part of our makeup. And when you leave it to your own volition, unfortunately a lot of us will not do it. But you have the courage to come into an environment where you know you're going to

be supported, even if you didn't get it done. You made an attempt. You can talk about what was happening for you. You start to figure things out that, you know what, I'm making a lot of excuses for myself. And I need to you know the things i truly say that i value you know the self-sabotaging behaviors and all this starts to percolate i don't have to sit there and poke you know chris at it we just have you'll start talking about it and pretty soon the pattern starts to reveal itself to yourself and you're in an environment where you can be supported while still being held to an accountability of okay okay, brother, let's see if you can get it done on the next time we get together. There you go. And so you have a mentorship program where you can join a brotherhood of men.

And I think this is important. People need to realize we haven't changed that much as a species. We still hold, if you study female nature and male nature, we still hold to our biological patterns. And they've been created over eons of time. And I think what's happened is, and there's actually a lot of data to support this. If you go to data charts, you can see the change. Sometime, you know, up until about the 60s, men were providers. They were protectors. We took care of women.

You know, even back in the 1800s, they had polygamy in places because, you know, women need to be taken care of, especially as they age and have providers and have a place for them. And their children as well because this is, you know, a lot of our biology and everything we really do almost on a daily basis as both as both sexes is the propagation of the species we are designed to fulfill the universe's biological survival game the propagation of the species and that's what all species are kind of all game to do and program to do and uh it's survival of the fittest and so we we have we have to recognize that in the 60s once birth control came in once once men made enough appliances different things that could make women's lives easier and make it so they could

go to work and do different things and of course that's what they asked to do um the role of being of that father provider really changed we went from being someone who took care of things. If we got divorced or whatever, we paid lifetime alimony, um, and all that stuff to where, you know, women said, Hey, we want to go our kind of our own way and do our own thing. And, and that whole world changed. I think a lot of men really got lost in that age. I grew up in an age where I had, uh, and a very wannabe alpha but beta-tized father. And so I saw the crossover. And growing up with an alpha grandfather, I used to call him my true father because him and my grandmother were the most toxic, non-toxic relationship I had. On the alternative, I had a very toxic, very toxic grandmother,

and a very nice grandfather, but a very toxic grandmother. And a lot of this comes from childhood trauma that she probably had. I don't, I don't even know what hers was, but I can tell it's probably extensive from what I've, what I've learned in life. And childhood trauma seems to bring out a lot of that stuff. But having an alpha grandfather who taught me boundaries, who taught me standards, who taught me how to be a man. You know, we did men's stuff together. You know, fishing. You know, he taught me all the stuff that you need to be a man.

And the tough stuff, you know, work. And his wife was one of the most happiest wives I've ever known because, you know, she was my grandmother. And she was the most nicest person and they had their roles. In fact, it's kind of funny. You mentioned earlier in the show, they had their teeth in jars too. I don't ever forget that. So when you brought that up, I remember seeing their dentures in the thing. Uh, when I go in the bathroom, I'm like, God, that's gross. Yeah. Um, never get old Chris. Um, they had roles, and she was very happy, and she was left with a wonderful retirement package for the Union Pacific back in the day. You know, this is the old standard.

And part of what happened, too, in the 70s is men, you know, started losing their massive jobs. And billionaire companies went, hey, if we, you know, if we double the workforce, uh, we can keep wages capped for 40 years. And so men kind of lost that whole retirement program, all the, all the, all the strength they had in, you know, being able to provide and protect. And it became, you know, job turnover in the eighties. If you watch wall street, you understand what that is. Um, and so there's been this thing that men kind of started somewhere in there, probably by Disney. It's referred to as Disney myth of the one-itis, of the you must find that one person who stays with.

And it's kind of lost in that same era that I talk about where, you know, you go to work for one company and there would be a gold watch at the end of 50 years, and you retire, and your wife, the two picket fence, the two-car garage, and all this stuff from that nuclear family age of Levittown in that era. And so men need to recognize this more than ever, that the dynamic changed, that everything that was done before, and we've been doing marriage and taking care of people for only a few hundred years, I think it is, or for a very small millennia of time compared to our tribal history over a millennium. And so we need to recognize that took place. And at the point that women had the power to control birth control, and you can see that there's a complete dive in marriage, relationships, children, everything begins as a client at that point. And it's not blaming or not shaming.

You go see the data. There's a significant change that happens there between dating, divorce rates go through the roof, everything else. Now, no one's blaming women for that. But what we have to do is realize there was a societal shift at that point in time. We have to go, things changed. So the model changed. So things are different now. And the problem is, or problem I think, and a question I'm posing to you in this

roundabout is, do you think men really understand that something changed? Do you think we're still operating on the old paradigm of trying to be providers or protectors? And it just doesn't work anymore. Yeah, that's a great question tris i think there i think we do try to operate in that old paradigm but because because of the environment that we're in it's hard to be hard to be in for being that environment today's environment where i'm supposed to be the provider and it's a two income home. Yeah. Right. So it's basically it's every home is a two income home and everyone's out working and doing their thing. And so we don't know how now as men and how do we fit into this?

And for the women in our lives, you know, they've been also sold the Disney story. Right. And so they're looking for their white knight. And so now so now we're this competing this This piece is happening within the dynamic in relationships. And I think the challenge is now is that while we're not going to have Edith sitting at home waiting for Archie to come in, we're going to come in together back into the home. And what's happened is that because we're so busy, the whole family dynamic has ended. Like, I don't know about you, but growing up, but I'll tell you, like growing up for me, every weekend was out at the farm with my grandparents, you know, and there was,

I'm the oldest of five. There was five of us on the, in this, on the same farm was, were my cousins. And so there was always family dinners is my point. And we got together. And so we were able to change and direct the conversation today. That's gone. And so guys are sitting there wondering like, I would, I want that, you know,

they, they want some of that from, from, from childhood and they want some of that, but we don't know how to get there in a two, in a two income home with the wife and or girlfriend, depending on your situation, who's also aspiring to, you know, that she's trying to climb the corporate ladder or starting her business or trying to grow that business.

And so it's about having the conversations about, not about who's the provider in the relationship, it's about how do we bring back connection into the relations how do we bring back the wholeness of it instead of operating as two separate tracks on the railroad that never touch but how do we get to a point where there's some there's some uh confluence we get we can get together and really work on the relationship and i think because uh because of of the drive of the feminist movement, and I think there was some positive in the spirit of it initially, but what it's also caused is this,

this, this riff between trying to, I'm not, I've been dated in forever, but you know, the research tells me that men have more choice than they've ever had in the world, but they just don't like the pool because the pool we're looking for a

traditional, more of a traditionally centered, uh, woman, whereas women are still driving that, you know, I want, you know, I don't have time for kids. I don't have time for family. I'm growing my career, my business and guys are sitting there going, yeah, well that doesn't necessarily work for me. So it's, we're in this, in this dichotomy and we, and we have to figure it out. And I think the way we do that is really about coming back to getting true on what our values are as men, you know, and really focusing on that

as opposed to the peripheral stuff that we may have used to choose our partners. Definitely, definitely. You know, we need to recognize that lots of stuff has changed i mean you make some great points the you know the feminist movement uh you know was great at the beginning we've had authors on that talked about you know back when flight attendant it kind of started with flight attendants uh in the in the job lawsuit market to give them more opportunity and like for for flight attendants would, you know, they had very rigid standards of beauty and thinness and weight.

And then there were women that, you know, they fell in love with being flight attendants. There's a couple officers that wrote books about this. But, you know, they wanted, they would get retired at like a very young age. And then they wouldn't have a career. And they wanted to be able to keep flying and do their career and stuff. And so, you you know they sued and they they i believe uh my understanding is one of the big uh equal opportunity um acts i think that we have for the job act was created by those uh flight attendants because they sued and they wanted they wanted to be able to work until

a normal retirement and enjoy life and not have those standards. And that was beneficial. But women were kind of told some things that basically said you can have everything. And you can't have everything. That's not possible. It's a madness to go after that. But a lot of these women were indoctrinated by their mothers during that age. You can have everything. And then the boys were told, youinated by their mothers during that age. You can have everything.

And then the boys were told, you need to make sure she's happy. Happy wife, happy life started getting selling to people. Someone should research when that term got created and when it started getting used. But men are always giving, protecting, taking care of. We try and make women happy. So when women go, hey, I want to do this, we go, go okay we'll try and support you there and so men have done that but we need to realize that's a very important change that happened and you know we see we're kind of seeing a reawakening going on with both men and women right now where women are going you know what i don't know about this do everything and you go on tiktok you'll see a lot of uh people going on and there's kind of a return to values. But you also

talk about the pool that women had. I've dated all my life. So I'm an interesting dipstick to the dating pool because I'm still in the dating pool. And I was very lucky in how I don't have any kids. I don't have anybody who's, you know, I've gotten locked down with. I tried, like I said, I tried the getting engaged twice. Once I looked at the moment of getting married and they were long engagements, about two years, I was obviously dragging out for a reason. But the more I just looked at the relationship, I'm like, I don't see this lasting more than five years. And I remember, I remember dating and I used to power date because, because, well, I used to power date, let's put it that way. I've dated in the triple digits. At one time, I used to own a modeling agency and they called me the U after Utah. I did it a lot. Let's put it

that way. Um, so, uh, there was a sea change that took place and it came culturally from, uh, the Kim Kardashians, the Hiltons, but also came from Paris Hilton. Uh, and it also came from sex in the city and sex in the city really changed the dynamic. Like I would go out to dinner and basically I'd be interviewed as, uh, you know, a lifelong partner, a partner who would provide, have kids, want to get married, all that sort of stuff. I was really looked to as a provider and a traditional father. And when Sex and the City came out, it really sold this concept to women that, hey, you don't have to adhere to the biological shaming of the community that once told women,

hey, we're going to help you make sure that you, if you have kids, that you find a good man. And communities did that because communities knew in the old tribal system and even why marriage was created, that if women had children outside of wedlock, no man would want them anymore. And it was shamed because the community ends up paying for it. Even today, our community pays for it. A lot of single mothers are on some sort of support or welfare, or even then the government is designed to provide them with alimony and take it from the father and provide

them with alimony child support. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it was designed that way to protect them and help them. And now the model's kind of flipped. But what I saw is a sea change in women's attitudes at Sex and the City. And there's a lot of data on this too as well. And they were culturally sold this, you can go mess around a town, you can have hundreds of partners. I mean, that's what the show engaged. And at the end, when you get really old and you decide you're not going to play with the boys anymore around town, the Chads and Alphas, that Mr. Big will show up and be the Romeo White Knight. He'll be the millionaire on the money, and he'll take care of you. And they were sold this idiom, and I saw a sea change in the women that I dated. And at that point I predicted,

and this was 30 years ago, I predicted that we were going to enter into a more hedonistic society. The family was going to collapse. The family unit nuclear sort of thing was going to collapse with the rise of people going through this hedonistic, I care about more about, you know, getting my rocks off and having fun than really building a family and building something for a life. You know, we became more transitional. We've done that with our homes. We've done that with our cars. We've done that with everything. It's, you know, now we're in a point where we're not even owning homes anymore. We're becoming a renter society. And this whole dissolving of some of the standards that people did there, there was in the wealth thing, there was the huge change in the sea change of what happened with social economics, with, you know, trickle down economics, the Reagan era and different things that things happened to put us into that place. And so men have kind of been combobulated with loss with everything.

And then, of course, women have come in our spaces. So when we're around women, we can't talk about the stuff that most men would talk about. We can't talk about, you know, our deep-seated stuff. But there's been the sea change, and I think it's important that men recognize that. You know, now we're in a very hyper-hedonistic environment. If you've been on OnlyFans or Instagram or, you know, if you even look on your Facebook thing and we have to realize that I often call, I often term social media is the great husband replacement and women, you know, because they're, this is a biological design,

it's a feature, not a bug. They look for validation and they look for attention. That's why they, you know, if you go on your Facebook feed, if you go on your stories, if you go on your Instagram, why are women taking their clothes off? Why are women wearing lower cut shirts? Why are they trying to look at the prettiest they can? Validation, attention. They're trying to get the attention of viable mates to wife them up or mate with them etc etc and uh but also to you know feed the need of their emotional security storms that they live on women process through emotion men process through logic and reason that is a fact um women you know women have logic and reason if they adapt to if they if they focus on it but it still processes their feelings first um and that's

just the way our brains are designed. And if you understand biology, we're designed that way. We're complements to each other. We're designed to have individual strengths. This lie has been told to us that we're equal. And it's been sold for about, well, almost three generations now. And I think what people are waking up to is going, hey, we're not equal. There's a reason men are men and women are women. Now, you know, we can go do the same similar jobs together.

But when it comes to raising a family, when it comes to the influence that children has, I mean, I can tell you as a guy who's dated for 35 years all his life, that the impact that a father has on a daughter is incredible. I was just going to say that, Chris. Absolutely. is incredible i was just gonna say that chris absolutely i i don't know i don't know a lot of these people that uh you know that that obviously are posting the way they are these women but i would suspect that if you did if we did a little digging that they don't they either come from a fatherless home or they have an absent father that's you know that's the issue because truly

if they had were raised in a home with a father that was that was present they would learn the value that they are enough without having to do the things they're doing today and uh and that is a you know and that ends up by perpetuating you know a different i'll call it a different class of, of guy, right? A guy that's just looking to hook up and not really looking to, to do anything more than to validate, validate his, his, that hole that he has within himself. And so we have this, and you know, you hit the nail on the head with this society being so hedonistic and the way we're moving forward.

And it's because we totally have lost our sense of values. And I think the challenge is is that our work to do today now is to bring bring a sense of values back and uh and and and and sometimes when people hear that word they think about that word they think that that that that maybe we're talking about being more religious i'm not talking about that i'm talking about you know are you willing can you look in the mirror at yourself for the actions that you've taken on today? And if you have the cringe moment, then I suggest that you have a value that's being misaligned. And I think we need to, and that's the work that we need to do.

You know, they say, they always say that the wound is, the work is in the wound. If you're not willing as guys to actually look at that. The father wounds of how we were raised, whether they were absent or not. You know, my dad's no longer with us. I can tell you, he never said once that he loved us. Now, does that mean that I wasn't loved by my dad? No. You know, born in the 30s, you know,

they were going through tough times. We just knew that every day there was food on the table, there was a roof over our head, and I didn't necessarily need that closeness. But my ex-wife, my high school sweetheart, when we started dating, we'd go to their home, their family dynamic was all the kids would kiss their mom and dad goodnight. You know, just the way it is. And there was boys and girls, and it didn't matter what age, what age 15 16 and that was just a different type of environment right and so i think we can take a lot of the we can look at our past and say you know it was really bad and like and leave the

blame there we can move that thing forward to the present and do some work you know and do some work and understanding that like i don't begrudge my father. I love my father to death for everything that he did. It's the man that he was. What I regret is that I didn't have the ability within me while he was alive to go talk to him about the things that were important to him about growing up and what happened to him in his life and to really get to know and understand the man and i think you know this kind of you know really talks about this whole problem in society today is that we just don't as men we don't know how to have those conversations it's uncomfortable it's you know it's it doesn't smell good for us so we just don't want to go there but it's so important

for us to be able to have those conversations. And, you know, we can do what we normally do as guys, is wait until the 11th hour to finally go see the doctor and then get the bad diagnosis that you've got to lose weight and you've got to change some different things in your life. Or we can recognize it earlier on and get in there and do some things. There you go. Now, how do you help men? When you consult, when you work with men,

tell us about the process or how people can reach out to you and get involved. Absolutely. So we offer two different programs. Our first one is a group mentorship. It's our band of brothers. So what we do there is we work through, we'll help guys in the initial stages is to work through crafting what I call a personal vision and mission statement. And it's really an opportunity. It's's really an opportunity. It's eight or so modules. We go through some of the, we call it the four horsemen of life. It's really the work based on Moore and Gillette with the King Warrior Lover.

And it's really about understanding how we can get more centered in that, understand how we show up. And we really tackle their values and beliefs. You hear me talk a lot about that today. Really unpack their where are these self-sabotaging behaviors how are they going to take them how are they going to derail themselves how do they derail themselves and by the time they're done this piece then they get an opportunity then they can finally craft a mission and a purpose statement and what it is it's really a guiding light for them it's not an all it's not a forever thing it's going to evolve

as they evolve and grow but it's really an opportunity for them to do that work and then be able to share that with other men. And so monthly we have, we have a different topic. We have, we focus on an aspect. We also follow, I really liked Ben Franklin's, uh, how he did his values piece. So we do have a monthly virtue that we get to spend time working on. And it's really a great opportunity for guys to, to do that. And so we meet twice a time working on. And it's really a great opportunity for guys to do that. And so we meet twice a month with that. The other program is if guys really want to dive in and really get inside and really do that work, we call it the Hero's Quest.

And it's an intensive 90-day program where we really unpack all aspects of their life and really get down and diving into what it is that's been preventing them from living the life that they've desired for. So those are the two programs and they've been working pretty well. We're pretty happy with the results we're getting. Awesome, Sauce. It's really important that men start realizing they need to talk to each other. And I really encourage men to talk to each other. You know, my gaming community has known little guys sometimes for years and then opened up to me about something's going on in their relationship. And the one thing I learned very early on from my alpha grandfather was there were boundaries. And part of them were very traditional boundaries,

but they were that way because of his time. But, you know, this is my grandfather. He worked hard all of his life. He, and, and not to say my father didn't, uh, but he didn't, uh, no, actually I need to correct that. He didn't. Um, he, he, my father worked hard and he tried to provide and he tried to do all the right things, but there were some different things that he had going on that were, that were screwing with him. Um, and, uh, a bit of narcissism and different issues. And he was kind of a little bit more lazier than my grandfather. But my alpha grandfather had boundaries. And you knew where the line was with him. And my grandmother, I'm sure, had whatever her boundaries were. But the two of them, seeing this healthy relationship with boundaries, with him having a very solid role of what he did, she having a very solid role.

They knew what their roles were in the household. And seeing the security of a woman and her feminine was what that showed me. And they were the most, I mean, I'm sure she wasn't always happy. She probably hid some of that from us. In fact, we never really saw it. She was wonderful. She was the grandmother that would give you the, you know, if you asked for her arm, she'd cut off and give it to you probably with lots of love. I mean, that'd be funny, but she was that kind of woman. If you went over there, she would cook you a meal, whatever you wanted, she'd take care of you. She was the best cook too. And to see this role of a very healthy boundaries relationship, my grandfather, even as boys,

we knew where his line was. We knew where his boundaries was and he communicated very effectively to us. And if it wasn't like you follow the rule, he communicated to what happened when you crossed the boundary. So a bit of a spanking might take place. Um, and, uh, you know, a lot of that's lost. Like I, I, on Facebook, I asked the other day after listening to one of my married friends' crisis, I asked, I asked my, uh, I asked everybody on Facebook that were men. I said, how many of you set boundaries in your relationship? How many of you know what they are and set boundaries, active boundaries in your relationship. I got two people that out of normally, you know, lots of things that I get only two people. And I even said, you can privately DM me if you want, because one of the problems men

have is they can't talk about this. Or if their wives see them talking about their girlfriends, see them talking about, they're going to catch shit. And so I'll get DMS because men are afraid to talk about this, which tells you the state of where men are. And so I'll get DMs, Chris, you're really called out. I'm like, can you put that in the comments? No, my wife sees it. She'll get angry at me. I'm like, how do we get to this world where men are so feminized and pussified that they're afraid of women? Uh, they're afraid of making her angry. Um, and for me, I've dated all my life. I have very active boundaries. I sit in a relationship

or in a dating sphere or in my rotation of people that I date. I have very specified boundaries. You do not cross these boundaries. And I'm very hard with my boundaries. I don't fuck around. You don't fuck around with me or you find out. Um, and, and if you, you know, I just, I just ejected someone from my life last night that was actually a male friend in my gaming communities who got toxic and it just got too tired of his toxicity. And I set a boundary and said, we're not crossing this line anymore. And once it was crossed, I said, no, we're not doing that anymore. And you're, you're, you're out of the league because who you surround yourself makes all the difference. But men need to recognize these things are going on. They need to talk to other

men. They need to reach out. Um, and they need to, they need to, uh, learn more about what it means to be a man because seemingly two men claim that they set boundaries in their relationships and they're both, they were both married. They were, and what was interesting about both the men, they'd been married for a very long time. Now, keep in mind, they probably married high school sweethearts and people that had a very low body count at that time. We talked earlier in the show about body count hedonistic and different things. Biologically, men are designed to find women that won't embarrass them publicly and that haven't been all around town and the sexist city effect. And so there's that dichotomy going on as well.

But seeing those alpha boundaries are really important. I think a lot of men don't understand how to set those, how to maintain them. A lot of men don't even know what shit test is for women and how women test from a biological aspect and their personalities that a man is going to be able to provide a protector and the man is going to be able to provide security. He's going to be able to overwhelm the invaders when they break into the house or the village and so um they fail a lot of those and they end up in these situations that i see a lot of misery man i see a lot of misery in fact i can't think of a guy that i've ever talked to someone brought

it up the other day in the gaming community uh they asked one of my gaming friends the one guy's like i'm thinking about getting married again all the gaming guys chimed in and said don't do it don't do it i'm whispering so my wife won't hear me don't do it it was it anytime i joke around i'm like i think i should settle down i'm getting old i should just find a wife a nice mexican wife who's a great cook in mexico because you know i've been watching these mexico videos these women that cook, and they have these, like, really 100-year-old stoves. It's like, it's insane what these women can do with the way they cook. And I'm like, I'm just going to go find me a fat Mexican wife.

And, you know, I'm just getting to the age where food is almost more important than sex. So I'm like, I'm going to get one of those, like, don't do. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't run. And when you have that community constantly telling you that it's a bad thing, you start to go, I don't know, man, I haven't found anybody. I have a couple of guys that say it's great, but like I say, they married, they married very young, probably virgins and low body count. Uh, they were married in high school, high school sweethearts. Everybody I know who's my age who has a long-term relationship, that's what they had. And so, you know, men need to look at this and go, hey, man, this whole one-eyedness, this whole soulmate myth crap,

I used to buy into that crap from Disney. They need to realize it's not the way it is because Because, like I said, when I was growing up, my sister talked to me about how women think and how they date and how they constantly have an array of gentlemen that they're vetting. And some people just give them attention and validation. They keep them in their friend zone. But they have support for them if they need their car cleaned

or oil changed or whatever. They've got that guy who will do that. They also have the alpha chat. They can call and, and, uh, do that whole bit with hookup culture. But men are suffering right now, especially in the dating market. Um, I didn't notice this because I'm six two, uh, and I'm successful. And, uh, so I have the income there and I have the other thing, you know, there's this thing that women have been throwing around, what they call the three sixes. They want a six-income man, which they don't realize how small that is.

In Instagram, the society kind of taught them that, I guess, three-quarters of the population are millionaires according to Instagram, which is just a very small percentage. And they want a six-inch unit. I think we all know what that is at the very least. And they also want a man who's over six feet. And if you don't believe this isn't true, go Google it. But one thing they found in the data is that women on dating apps that are single have put in that they only want six foot or taller, sometimes

six one or six two or taller. The cutoff is about five, five 11, I think it is, is where the ramp starts. And so women are chasing and dating on dating apps right now. The data shows us four to 5% of the top alpha chads and men on the dating apps. And the big search cutoff is like i said it's that 511 and they want a six foot tall man and what's interesting is it even goes in like 6.7 and you're like what are we looking for basketball people or something and so a lot of these men can't figure out why they're not succeeding on the new forms of dating apps when they used to do

what i do is is cold pickup, cold, you know, you can go to, you can meet a girl in public, a bar, wherever. These days, you have to meet someplace other than a bar, but you can meet a woman in public, hit on her, go up, get cold approach, they called it, and get a phone number. Well, I used to get four to five phone numbers in bars back in the day. I mean, that was my thing. You go to the club, get a phone number. Well, I used to get four to five phone numbers in bars back in the day. I mean, that was my thing. You go to the club, get a bunch of phone numbers, date a bunch of girls, see which one, you know, at that time I thought it was searching for the one. I just need to go through a bunch of girls to find it. And, you know, I was minding, I was doing how women date as opposed to how men date where a lot of men I find they'll, they'll date like maybe five people

and wife up the first one who gives them sex regularly. You know, there's a big thing that went on with TikTok recently where a wedding planner found, you know, said, I don't know how true this is, but said that men marry the woman in front of them when they get the, you know, the ability to create a family and they get the resources to do that, which is partially true from what I've seen. You know, I've watched a lot of men wander off my dating scene and go into the marriage scene and then they come back again. And I'm like, how was that journey? So that's the whole thing. So it's interesting, you know, you're providing these resources for men, but yeah, I want men to realize they need to talk

about these things. They need to understand what boundaries are. Women actually really, when you said boundaries, a lot of times it's a turn on. They love a man who values himself. And when you understand women's nature and their biological part of it and why they seek that, it makes sense. They seek a man of value, a man who values himself because they want stuff. If you really study women's nature, why they chase the bristophilia, the bristophilia is where women will fall in love with men who are criminals and hard narcissists, killers. I mean, the guys who murder people in jail and they're on death row

have more girlfriends than I do, probably more marriages too. And they have women writing to them throwing themselves at them you know why do women love narcissists you know you look at an evil narcissistic man who has a lot of power money and and you kind of look at him and go you know that guy is maybe not the most ethical moral person in the world he doesn't seem to give a crap about other people but women love him women will chase him women will throw themselves at them because they're designed to seek a man of value a man who respects himself and they they're looking for a man who has purpose and who's honest purpose you know i used to have all my friends would be like i chase women are number one chris i chase women you're you're so weird you always chase money first and i go yeah well i watch tony montana say it in scarface where you get the money then you get the women right um

and so i understand the game he tony montana understood the game i don't know why he's he's probably not the best character to reference on the rest of it but uh maybe you should get your money in more legitimate ways and don't do the murdering and killing. But, you know, women seek this and they seek it from a biological thing. It's not like a, it's not like a thing where someone's just being a jerk. No, this is what they're designed to do because that person that provides value, that male that provides value will be the best mating partner to provide not only their children to them, but also to their, um, for protecting them and,

uh, providing for them. That's what women seek. And so men that are, you know, they're dilly dallying around with their value. They don't see that their, their worth is there.

They're not, they're not mating. And so, uh, you know, these people, these men are now at this crisis point because they're being ignored by women. And,

and there's a lot of things going on with instagram and women being overvalidated and simp culture and everything else and people and people don't you know realize that they're still seeking those men they're chasing the top four percent for reason because they want the men of value they want the men who who understand themselves who understand women's nature. Women don't like to know how the sausage is made when it comes to dating. They don't want you to sit down with them and go, and here's what we're doing on this, you know, here's how I'm working with you.

They just want you to know the game. They want you to understand women. They want you to understand them. And they don't want to have to explain it to you because they're not good at that either. Women are very, or men are very overt. Women are very covert. You understand biology and history. You understand why that takes place.

So I'm glad these resources there, I'm glad you're providing them and I'm glad you're helping men. And I just, my message is in this whole roundabout is men need to wake up and realize the game has changed and the world has changed. And, um, women have been told something,

uh, for a long time that it appears not to be turning out very well. In my dating process that I see right now, I'm really astounded. It used to be when I dated back in the day, most women were spinning out of their first marriages that they got married around 18 to 22 and at the height at the height that they're, uh, dating sexual market value. And what they would do is they would have children that would spin out maybe in their thirties. And then I came along, you know, and started, you know, my, my situation went from dating to where I dated single women and had no kids to dating divorcees with kids. And so I saw that shift going on and I went, Hmm, this is kind of interesting. So, uh, I would hear about their first marriages, what they were doing in the first marriage, how they valued their man, what the, what the whole, you know, their whole operation of how

they got there. And, but they would still be young enough, still enough beauty and everything that men seek from biological thing. They would still have enough of that to get a second man. And of course, a large time they would be able to find a man who would take care of kids from another DNA source, which is not a popular thing for men. But if men don't have a lot of other options, they will take that. So now it's very changed. The thing that women were told to do is put off marriage and kids by the corporate. It's kind of interesting how they wanted that and supported it. But they were told to put that off.

Now I'm seeing women coming out of their first marriages at 45, 50, 55. And they still have that half-cooked family that I used to see of women in their 30s. But the half-cooked family now is 50, 55, and they're on my dating apps going, hey, Chris, we want you to wife us up, become the provider and protector for another man's DNA, and these kids are half-cooked. And I'm 55 looking at it going,

you have kids that are five and seven. Now, I'm not shaming or saying there's anything wrong with this. I do think that it's not healthy from or saying there's anything wrong with this. I do think that it's not healthy from a biological aspect of why we do it. But I'm not shaming anyone. If you did that, hey, that's your life. That's your thing. Your boat, go row it.

But you're asking me to come help row your boat. And so I have to look at it from a man's aspect and go, what am I taking on? Can I provide and protect for these kids? But the other challenge is I'm 55. If I take on a woman who has a 5 or a 7 or a 10-year-old, I have to think, okay, I'm going to be 65, 70 by the time this kid technically leaves the house. They don't leave the house anymore. Technically at 18 when they go to college. So do I want to spend my golden years, the best years of my life, because most men die out at about 70. We start really hitting the wall health-wise at 70. And we usually die in our 70s

to 80s. Do I want to spend the rest of my life doing a restart? And most men are different than me. Where I've been single in my life, technically my first marriage, they've been through one or two marriages. They've been through your experience. They've been cleaned out maybe in their first marriage. They've been cleaned out maybe a second time in their second marriages. And they're looking at marriage from a different aspect. Like, I don't want to do that anymore. I did that twice. I want to go do something different with my life or I'm not dumb enough to jump into bad, toxic situation. I'm not saying all single mothers and stuff are toxic, but there's, you know, sometimes you meet somebody and they haven't resolved their childhood trauma. And you've got to deal with that and their kid mess and then their ex-husband's mess.

I mean, a lot of times, you know, I would get in relationships with single moms uh and i would i would learn very early on that i was married or i was going to be married or i was in a relationship with their other husband you know i'd have to deal with him calling and being in our life and sometimes i come home she'd be angry and mad and i'd be like why are you mad what did i do this time and she's all the ex did this and i'm like wait i have a guy in my relationship who can ruin my night, my, my woman's attitude or, or, or, you know, what's going on that day or sometimes a week because he didn't pay his child support or he took the coat from the kid or he's doing this or, you know, he's calling drunk and being stupid with the kids. And I got to get on the phone and be like,

knock it off. I've actually had to sit down with, with divorced fathers and say, Hey, look, man, no one's trying to replace you. I'm not here to compete with you. I understand the complex situation of nature, and your kids do need you in your life. You are their birth father. I will never be able to take that from you. It would be wrong for me to do that. So you need to understand where I'm coming from, where you're coming from, and let's try and build a healthy thing for your kids because these are your kids.

And she's probably going to leave me someday and take the kids and all my investments are going to go out the window. But you're still going to be their birth father. And I've dated women all my life. My friend used to own two strip clubs. He used to say to me, if it wasn't for bad parenting and fathers not being a lot of times in these women's lives, I wouldn't have a business. And I'm not being crude. That's very true. I've dated all the women.

I've seen the fallout of, did your dad hug you enough as a child? Did your dad give you enough attention? Was your dad your life? Did your mother run your dad off? You know, I've heard a lot of these stories from, well, the dad just left. Dads normally don't leave. They're real providers. And so it takes some toxicity and different things to drive them away. And a lot of times they make bad choices in mates

and we both do that on both sides of the sexes. So I think it's really important that you have this and men realize that the game has significantly changed and we need to get back to our tribal interests. Completely agree a hundred percent. And that's a great way to really summarize everything. I think that's why it's so important that men need to understand that. I was just thinking that I interviewed a lady on my podcast, and she was very open about how she emasculated her husband. Wow. And how many of us are in that were in relationships, and that was happening. And she had the wherewithal to understand what she's doing.

And they're still together, by the way. And now her work is to show women, wives, how they're doing that to their men. And kudos to her for doing that. But on the flip side of it, where are the guys waking up to understand? I was that guy being emasculasculated truly until and we talked a lot about boundaries right so setting some boundaries what are you willing to accept and not accept for how how how you're being how you're showing up in the in the relationship right and i think for guys we just wanted to know that we're that we're that we're respected right and that

there's some and that we have that we're valued and that there's some honor there. And when we can get that, then then, you know, the relationship goes well. But when we feel that we've been disrespected, especially in a public atmosphere, whether that's out to out to dinner with friends or you're having friends over and things are being said that that that shouldn't be said, you know, how home secrets being shared. I think that's a challenge for guys that we need to be able to be able to set that boundary and there's nothing wrong with it but we think that if we do that oh my gosh now she's going to leave me well if that was the choice then it was that it was going to happen anyways that's true it was going to happen anyway so what are you you're just delaying the inevitable instead i would suggest and you brought the point up and it was perfect is that she's actually going to probably be turned on that

you're actually standing up for something that you have a sense of self you know what what's important for your for you and when we start showing up that way yes it's going to be uncomfortable because she's going to go just like my wife did who's this guy? That's not how Al used to be. Well, you know, because I was a doormat and I decided not to speak up and say what was important to me. And let's face it, you're going to start to do that and it's going to be messy and you're going to stumble, you know,

and you're going to make mistakes. And so, you know, that's one of the things that I coach my guys is just say, look, I want to say some things right now about what's going on in the relationship. It may not come out well. They need to get some stuff on the table. And if you're willing to go with me on this little short journey, then we can work some things out.

And when you come from a place of, hey, I'm willing to work on and understand, but I need to get stuff off my chest, they're more open than just sitting there and vomiting all over them and Yeah. And, and just, and then just given it, given them the gears. And so there's a right, there's a, there's a better way to do it. Yeah. And we just need to learn that skill and you'll learn that skill when you

participate in different men's groups. And there's lots of different groups now out there today, but that's just the void we're trying to fill here. Yeah. 49th and, you know, help some, help some dudes reclaim themselves.

Definitely. You need a tribe. You need to hang out with men and just men. It's not like... Somehow we got this thing where we hear men, are you weird? Or sometimes they're shaming that comes from the community. What are you guys doing over there?

No, there's just... I'm a man's man. I'm an old world man from an alpha thing. I can stand, I can be your best friend and love you as a male buddy. You know, my guy that I'll go to war with, you call me, man. You know, what's the Ben Affleck thing where he comes in, we don't know, we're going to hurt some people, and I'm not going to tell you why, and we're not going to talk about it after. You know, we're not going to hurt anybody, but you know what I mean?

You can stand and fly fish with somebody for a whole day and you're you're you come back and your wife or girlfriend would be you know uh what'd you guys talk about nothing well did you talk i don't know i asked him how how his part of the stream was going and we shared some fishing stories really that's it yeah that's we just hung out we we didn't really say anything we just hung out but We didn't really say anything. We just hung out. But our testosterone goes up with that. We hang out with other men. And what men don't realize too, I don't think, because I've started to talk about this on Facebook, women have a community. And the community for women is very social. They used

to get together. And that's one thing women need to do more of. They used to get together and share notes. They were a little less competitive. They still have that competitive nature that they have in biology for human, uh, for human reading to find the best mates. Um, so there's still a competition there, but they used to get together and they used to help each other and teach each other. They used to teach each other skills. They had hobbies. They just did stuff. When I grew up, women go quilting and I'm not saying women need to go quilting don't put me in that box and i don't care what women do if they want to get together and talk about business which they do in in events great you know but they would get together and and that would kind of feed their femininity and feed their feed their ability well men kind of lost that like

i said when they lost their places but also women have always had a committee and they have a committee so they have help from the community to help them make wise, logical, and reasonable choices through their emotion to find the best mates. Everything is about the propagation of species. Just tattoo it to your forehead. Everything is about propagating the species. It's their biological DNA. And you cannot change that. You can come up with whatever movement you want, whatever certain new fad you want. You cannot change that. You can come up with whatever movement you want, whatever

certain new fad you want. You cannot change biology. You can lie. You can try and change people's sexes and be like, oh, we're going to have 82 genders. You will not change the thing. When they dig us up 100 years from now, and I have nothing against the gender, whatever you want to call it, nothing against it, as long as you're not forcing people to believe in something that goes against biology. But you they dig you up 100 years from now they're going to find two dnas that's right dna and a male dna and uh i mean if you want to be something different good for you but it's not going to change who you really are your core and your biological paradigms of propagating species and every girlfriend I've ever had, I

date the committee, and I know this. I learned this very long time ago. And that committee is designed to help her make the best choices for the best mates. Sometimes. And so, sometimes there's a bit of sabotage and jealousy and, you know, all that thing that women do in competing

for the best DNA. And it's built that way. You can't hate the system. Don't hate the game. That's the way it is. And it's built that way. Otherwise, you and I wouldn't be here talking. It wasn't for the propagation of the species in these games.

But men lost that. And so it's literally, I see a lot of men and I'm like, dude, you are all alone against the whole group of her committee of women that she goes to, talks about her issues and everything else that goes on, and they give her advice. And I learned a long time ago I have to manage the committee because sometimes there's those girls on the committee who will sabotage my girlfriend and tell her a bunch of stuff. Oh, that man hates you. And I'll be like, oh, is that from Sally who's never been married

and can't hold down a relationship and she's always at the club and she's 35. She's giving you advice on manhood and relationships. This girl, you know, she wants you to leave me so that you can go back to the club for her because she's getting lonely at the club because everything's disappearing with her age. And so I've had to learn that there's that committee. There's the mom sometimes, you know, the mother-in-law, the mother, the mom, and they're getting advice from a whole group of people and it's that way on purpose. That's fine. But men are isolated and they're alone and they do not realize how much is going on over here on this other side and why that's important.

But men need to have the same thing. They need to have a chance to talk to other men and go, here's what's going on in my relationship. And, you know, I'm not comfortable with how I feel and what's going on. And all of this is stuff that men need to realize how isolated they are and sometimes how programmed they are. Like I've had one of my millionaire friends, I kept saying that she's got a lot of red flags. She's got a lot of problems. And he really had a captain, save a woman sort of attitude. There's another term for it that people don't like, so I won't mention it. But, you know, basically saving someone who has maybe some trauma and some issues

and maybe they've, you know, had a lot of partners in body count. And that's what we do. We save people. You know, we run into buildings. We take care of people, provide or protect. But, uh, um, you know, these men are isolated. They don't have that and they really need it. They really need to be able to hang out with men friends.

If you don't have some guys, you can go just do some stuff with. And I think that's why gaming is so huge for men is because that's the one way we can get together. And we're still hunting when you really think about it. We're still doing caveman shit of hunting down some, you know, wooly mammoth or whatever you want to term it. So men need to realize that. They need their own committee.

They need their own things to sit down and work through their things because you can't talk about certain things with a woman. You can't talk about your feelings. And it's been shown. This is data. It's been shown that the first time a woman cries around a woman, she starts down the down ramp of doubting you, of doubting whether you're strong enough, of doubting whether you're powerful enough. This is why women love narcissists. This is why they chase narcissists.

This is why they're all over TikTok going, I was in a narcissist relationship. Yeah, well, you were attracted to the alpha chat who was a narcissist because he was powerful and because he was doing that. I'm not saying people should be narcissists. That's taking it a little bit too far. But you see why they chase value. And it makes sense because, like I said, everything is about propagation of species.

Women are chasing that because they want the thing. Unfortunately, women have been told two different routes. You need to chase the old traditional stuff, but you want to be your own person, your equality. I'll hear this all the time on dating apps or dating. I'm an independent woman. I'm like, great, you don't need to date me. Have fun with that.

You get some cats and have fun with that, but I don't need to date someone who thinks that they're their own, you know, they, they're their own individual because that's not how a relationship works. And logically as a man, I know that, you know, I want somebody who's like, Hey, I realized that I don't need to be independent because that's where the relationship is. And let's work together and build something.

And, uh, so a lot's been lost and what's going on. Uh, anything more on how people can reach out to you, work with you and get to know you better. Yeah, absolutely. The best, best way for them to reach out to you, work with you, and get to know you better? Yeah, absolutely.

The best way for them to reach out and get a hold of me is to go to theawakenman.net, right on that homepage there. It'll be the Start Here page, actually. You're going to see where you can participate in one of the two programs, or Band of Brothers or the Heroes Quest. That's the best place to go. There you go. Thanks for coming on the show, Elaine.

We really appreciate it. Yeah, I really appreciate you being on the show as well. Take care. Beautiful discussion. Just really interesting. And I hope we save some men because we have a really too high suicide rate. And we need more families. Families and kids are in decline and boys going to college and boys being interested in being married and stuff. Otherwise, you end up with places like Japan and China where their empires are ending because there's not enough young people coming up reading. Anyway, give us your dot coms and everything where people can find you on the internet, please.

You bet. The awakenedman.net, and that's where you'll find everything there. And the podcast is the Revolutionary Man Podcast. There you go. Thanks so much for tuning in. Go to goodreads.com, Fortress, Christmas, youtube.com,

Fortress, Christmas, all those great places on the internet. You can find us. Thanks for tuning in. Be good to each other. Stay safe. We'll see you next time.

Great.