The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Allison Doss, Rock Bottom to Radiant & Letting Go Like a Boss

Episode Date: December 1, 2023

Allison Doss, Rock Bottom to Radiant & Letting Go Like a Boss Instagram.com/bossdosshair Tiktok.com/@therealbossdoss Biography There’s GOT to be a message in the mess! At least that’s what Allison Doss believes. Having overcome decades of addiction, with a land mine of rock-bottoms, her healing through a lifetime of trauma is inspiring others with resilience, strength and hope. And just when she thought it was smooth sailing, her husband comes out as transgender. Nothing forced Allison to surrender her will like the heartbreak of the expectations of her partner not being met. With willingness, compassion and vulnerability, Allison shows up as authentically as they come.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast. The hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show. The preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready. Get ready. Strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. It's Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com.

There you go. Ladies and gentlemen, when the Iron Lady sings it, that's when you know the show is officially on. Welcome to the big show, my family and friends. The Chris Voss Show. The family that loves you but doesn't judge you, at least not as harshly as your mother-in-law, because she never liked you anyway. She told me to say that, and she keeps DMing me, so I don't know what that's about. Anyway, guys, be sure to further show your family, friends, and relatives.

Go to goodreads.com, for just as Chrisos, LinkedIn.com, Fortunes Christos, Christos1 on the tickety-tockety, and ChristosFacebook.com. As always, we have people that come on the show. They share their lifelong stories, the stories that they put hundreds of hours into, sometimes multiple lifetimes into, depending upon which Hollywood star you talk to. And they share their journeys. As we always like to say on the Chris Foss Show, stories are the owner's manual to life.

We have another young lady on here to share her life story and how she's changed and recovered and turned her life into something new that's going places. So we have Alison Doss on the show with us today. She's gone from rock bottom to radiant and letting go like a boss. For her biography that she sent me, it starts out with this line. There's got to be a message in the mess, which is, I think, it's a story of my life too um and most people's lives really when it comes down to it at least that's what allison dos

believes having overcome decades of addiction with a landmine of rock bottoms her healing through a lifetime of trauma is inspiring others with resilience strength and hope and just when she thought it was smooth sailing, her husband comes out as transgender. Nothing forced Allison to surrender her will like the heartbreak of the expectations of her partner not being met. With willingness, compassion, and vulnerability, she opens, she shows up as authentically as they come. She shows up as authentically as they come. Welcome to the show, Allison. How are you?

I'm so good today. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming. We certainly appreciate it. Give us your dot coms. Where do you want people to find you on the interwebs? I have my current career hair page on Instagram at bossdosshair, B-O-S-S-D-O-S-S, hair.

Okay. And on TikTok, it's TheRealBossDoss. There you go. TheRealBossDoss. I should get one that says TheRealBossVoss. That's for another day. So, tell us currently

you're doing what now, currently? Currently writing a book and the book came about oh gosh, where do I begin? You know, I'll be 48 next month. And I didn't get sober until I was 41 years old. So from 17 to 41, I was just out there, you know. And when I got sober at 41, it was at the tail end of my lifestyle of drugs and alcohol. I was a party girl in New York City in the 90s, and it was the best time of my life. And if I could have continued being 23 for the rest of my days, I would have done it.

Because it was great. But that's not what happens. And life moved on and I tried to keep the party going, but that's just not how it works. So that club girl who was just highfalutin in New York City with, you know, grams of Coke in her pocket and a bottle of vodka. When it was fun, it was fun in the 20s. But I found myself at the age of 40, I was homeless and I was prostituting and I was addicted to crack and I had lost custody of my children. My friends had died and I was just alone and I couldn't understand how I had gotten there,

but I wasn't willing to change it. I wasn't willing to change it. I didn't really know how to change it. So I didn't know what I was doing. I just wanted to keep getting high. And one day, I was in a trap house. And one of the other girls out there, an addict just like me, lost her children just like me, just like me. She didn't want me there because I was competition for her. And she jumped me and she cut my face. I have a nice big scar living here on my face now. And for the first time in my life at the age of 41, I was fearful about what might happen to me. Of all, of all of the things I'd been through during my addiction and recklessness, nothing had ever put the fear of God in me like that did. I

don't know if it was my vanity that was now compromised, but whatever it was, it caused me to look at things a different way. So I had the opportunity to go to treatment and started doing that thing. And I went to treatment for like three months and I thought they opportunity to go to treatment and started doing that thing. And I went to treatment for like three months and I thought they were just going to teach me how to smoke crack like a lady. And I could just do it on the weekends. But that's not how it works. I was very disappointed with that because when I finished treatment, I tried to do just that. I'm like, oh, well, they've just taught me how to manage it.

But that was a relapse. Relapsed really hard. Went back into treatment. And when I got out of treatment the second time, I really devoted an entire year to learning how to live with integrity. Learning how to do the next right thing. Learning how to be sober. And I was determined to follow the women around that had come before me that knew how to do this. But I met a guy a couple of months later. And instead of doing that, I decided to follow him around. Wow. I decided to follow him around and became obsessed with this guy at the age of 41.

I was thinking, oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm so in love. I had the feelings like I did when I was a teenager. And I thought it was really something real. And we ended up getting married a year later and we moved to LA and we were living this life. And just about two and a half years ago, my husband told me that he thinks he may be transgender. Holy crap. And you've been married for how long? We had been married for a year together for six. Oh, wow. For six years?

Six years. And he decides after six years that he thinks he's transgender, huh? Yeah. I mean, I would be lying if, let's just, let's not get it twisted. The word transgender never came into my mind, nor was it a part of any of our conversations. But there were behaviors along the way that were odd. We choked them up to being like fetishes, perhaps. I did so much research.

I was on Reddit looking at things like, is this normal? Is this real? I didn't know what was happening. I'm he's, he was 10 years younger than me and had a little bit of a different, um, vocabulary than I did. There were words that there were terms that he would use like gender fluidity and gender fluid. And that stuff didn't make any sense to me. You know what? I didn't know what, I didn't know what he was talking about, but there were things along the way that I just didn't know what I didn't know what he was talking about but there were things along the way that I just didn't quite understand what we're going what was going on but I it felt the things felt uncomfortable to me but I had been so strung out for so long I didn't

recognize what my body was telling me because I was just so used to numbing out. I knew something was uncomfortable, but I didn't know what was happening. But so as he, I refer to my husband as he and husband when I talk about our relationship and our marriage, but out of respect for the reality of the situation and how it is i do refer to her since the transition and that has been a really hard thing to do because my reality that's not the reality does that make sense well yeah you're you're trying to understand someone else's what's going on someone else's head and you know only they can understand what's going on in their head you know uh so are you still married did you get divorced we just got divorced about four or five months ago believe it or not i when the information came to me i think i'm transgender my body began to tremble in such a way that I couldn't control it from the inside out. I didn't know what to do with that information, but my body was registering it in an uncomfortable,

vibrating way. And I couldn't control it. I didn't know what to do with it. I was angry. I was vile. I was shameful. I was manipulative. I tried everything I could to make whatever was happening that was causing me to feel that way to stop. Yeah. And when I couldn't make it stop, the alcoholic that I am, I began drinking again. Oh, no. I began drinking again. And for me, my drug of choice is crack. So I immediately, after a few weeks of drinking wine with my steak,

ended up at the bodega getting drugs from a dealer. And it had been years since I had had a drink, years since I had done anything like that. I had built a career as a hairstylist. I was married. I was jet-setting from LA to South Florida. I was living the life. And in a matter of three months, I was kicked out of the HOA for disturbing and dysfunctional behaviors. And I'm like, here I go again? It's been so long since I've been here. What's happening? So I had two choices. I could continue to the bitter ends, jails, institutions, and death, which I've been to jails. I've done all that, but it just didn't make sense to me to think that I was destroying my life because my partner is brave enough to attempt to live their authentic self.

So I had to come to some type of surrender and decision for what was really happening and what was I going to do about myself and the matter. So I was still struggling with that trembling uncomfortability. I couldn't make it go away for any reason. I couldn't make it go away at all. And when my solution of drinking and drugs was taken away it started getting worse so I began to think that if I could just heal myself enough to be at peace with what was happening perhaps it would go away so I I had I had this motive that

something that I could heal myself enough to be with the new person. Because at the time, my partner still looked like my husband, but was proclaiming to be someone else. I was in such a denial about what was happening because it just didn't make sense to me. So I thought, well, my partner still wants to be with me and I really want to be with them. So why are we separate and why am I hurting? So I'll just heal myself enough to make this feeling go away and we can be together. So I went on this journey of like every healing modality you could possibly imagine from inner child workshops, dissecting the fabric of my own cloth, hypnotherapy, all kinds of modalities to try to make that feeling go away, that feeling of me not wanting what was happening to be happening.

And I thought something was wrong with me. And maybe I wasn't evolved enough to actually love my partner for their soul. Because we have this whole generation that is like that. There's a newer generation that's coming up where they love each other for their soul. And they're different versions of the LBGTQ community. And I was catching a lot of flack from some of my younger friends for not being able to love my husband for their soul. But then my generation, the older generation was all like i can't believe you're even trying to tolerate this in your life so i was being tugged in

a bunch of different directions i didn't know what to do all i want to do is i want to feel better yeah well you can still love people for the soul you don't have to be married to them i couldn't make sense of it i love all my exes for their soul but you know i'm not letting them move in again. I couldn't make sense of it. There wasn't any support for me in the LBGTQ community. I tried to go to support groups. I tried to find other women like me that were going through what I was going through.

I couldn't find anybody except Kris Jenner and me. And I'm like, how am I going to get in touch with her so we can talk about this? Oh, yeah, I get it now. I was trying to put that to you together for a second but yeah i got it she's the only one that i knew of that was going through this or had gone through it recently i'm sure she saw warning signs too evidently evidently there were a lot of warning signs evidently from what i heard but uh yeah so you're you you finally find you feel like you finally you go through your you go through a rough year 20s. You get addicted to stuff.

You feel like you're on the right path. You're getting a man in your life. You're starting to do all the things. Society's like, hey, if you do all these things, you know, you check the boxes on being a good citizen or whatever the hell. And then you find out, you know out that you got issues in your relationship and it's destabilizing you and putting you back into wanting to become an addict again. So where do you go from there? Well, I knew where to go to get help. I had a lot of support in the town that I live in. I had left LA and moved back to South Florida where we had lived

previously. And I got my footing back into AA and started, you know, working a program and doing that, living with spiritual principles and working with other women. And for me, that's been what has, you know, kept me sober thus far. But the biggest thing about like when I decided to write the book which is why I started the story of like why did I even write this book is because like I finally discovered that the transformation and the transition that happened with my husband was like it catapulted me to have like a huge transformation of my own. I really began to investigate how I had shown up in the relationship and how I had been showing up in life with like massive amounts of the need to control and trying to manipulate the outcome and expecting people to behave the way

that I want them to. I mean, Chris, I have boss dolls tattooed on my knuckles. Like this is, this is how I've lived in my life. Thinking that everyone's supposed to just do what I want them to do. When did you get those put on your knuckles? Um, when I was, uh, this was seven years ago. Wow. Is it the same year that I got my throat tattoo done. When I got off the street and I started getting into this sober world, I was still very, my identity, I wanted people to look at me like I was a street tough chick. I know I don't look like it now, but I kind of used to.

Yeah. And so I was moving, I was navigating this new world of integrity and living with people in the real world. But I didn't want anyone to not know exactly where I had been. And I showed up with that. I went and got my throat done. I got my knuckles done because the gangsters always had their throats, their knuckles and their neck done. And that's how you recognize that they were such. And I wanted to be seen as otherworldly and vaguely threatening. Defense mechanism, if it were. How did you grow up?

Did you have a father in your life who was a good man? I did. Who set you straight? What happened? Yeah, my mom and dad married since they were 15 years old. I'm from a very small town in Dubock, Louisiana,

in North Louisiana under Arkansas. And my mom, my dad, my brother and sister, we were all in the same house. My dad was quite authoritarian and demonstrative and would punch holes in the walls if we didn't listen. My older brother and sister were very passive children,

and I was always the one who was stirring shit up. Always getting in trouble. My dad was always whipping me with the belt. I was always doing things I wasn't supposed to. Don't know why. Well, it sounds like there's some instability. I mean, if a man's punching holes in the wall, I mean, that sounds like some emotional instability and more feminine than masculine, really. So it sounds like there was maybe some instability there at the home.

Because usually if a daughter is acting out, you know, she's either not getting enough attention or whatever. So it's interesting to me. Have you ever sat down with a psychiatrist and talked about the patterns that you may have gotten from childhood or childhood traumas that led you down this road? I'm not sure if the, I think I was born an addict. I think I was born. Yeah, I think I was born. I can just remember from my anxiety and my behaviors when I was a kid. I had to be a part of every team, the best of every team, the best of every play, the main character, the trophy winner, I had to be the winner. And I think that came from like, not high performance, by any means,

I think it came from like a certain amount of anxiety that carried with me. And in that anxiety, of course, I had it at home because my dad was, you know, somewhat explosive. But he was like, you know, the he has since passed, but he was, my dad was always the coach of the of the, the softball teams. And I was like Donnie Doss's daughter, people who when I showed up, I was going to get shit done. And that was something that I really loved about my dad. And as much as I respected him, I feared him, but not enough to back down to him. So I thought that I was a little bit tougher than the next person because I was able to take his wrath. Wow.

That's interesting. So your journey now, you've divorced from your marriage you've uh uh and and so now you're doing hair you're working on your book to tell your story what's the future hold for you and do you have a title for the new book i do it's um the working title is the unbossing the unbossing i like it i. I like it. I like it. You're going to have to get two more fingers so you can, you know, right, unboss. Right. Just put them on the thumbs, unboss or something.

It's just been a beautiful journey of surrendering to what is and not forcing my will into everyone's life. There you go. Especially when you're fined. You know, I'm not saying that you make a lot of bad decisions, but I think we agree might've made a few that you're not happy with, that you're not happy with. I'm not judging you. I've certainly done quite a few in my life that I'm not happy with. But there comes a time where you just go, you know, whatever is causing me to make the choices that I'm making, I need to fix because I'm making horrible choices.

And, you know, it's kind of funny. I think you said you're 48 now. When I hit about 50, I could look back on my life and see how some of the traumas of my childhood were being dragged for 30 years into my life. And I could see the damage and wreckage. And sadly, you know, you don't see it sometimes when you're doing it at the time, but you can look back and go, yeah, there's a mess back there. Did I do that? Oh, shit. That wasn't me.

Well, I should probably fix that. And so it's great that you're at that journey now because, you know, it's better that you figure it out before it's too late so uh are you gonna share some tips in your books of uh your book of you know how to how to fix yourself and and how to how to get on the journey straight and narrow i'm sure a lot of people that have addiction problems that have gone through bottoms like you are looking for great stories to help them and just knowing that they're not alone, that there's other people that have done it and gotten out. Right. When I was going through the difficulty with my husband coming out,

I couldn't find any support specifically for myself, but I did have a mountain of other types of support around me. And I specifically wanted to write the book for someone who doesn't have that type of mountain of support around them. If I was still living in Duboc, Louisiana and was going through what I was going through, there would have been no support for me. And so the book was specifically written for people to understand that it's okay

to not have the capacity to respond to what you're going through. I didn't have the capacity to respond to what I was going through and I was hateful and vile and shameful, but you don't have to live there. Then for me, dissecting how I had shown up in the relationship and how I was responsible for my own broken heart because of how I showed up for years in the relationship when there were flags, red flags blowing and screaming and slapping me in the face. But I thought that I could control it. I could handle it.

I could love him enough to make it stop. All of those defects that devalue that I felt like I had no value. But once you know, you can't unknow. Yeah. So that's where I sit now. I'm armed with the facts about myself and I want to help others be armed with theirs. So we don't have to tolerate relationships.

We can actually live and receive quality relationships in our lives. Definitely. I mean, if you fix yourself, you're going to attract people that are fixed. If you, if you're broken, you're going to try people that are broken, which if you look at my roster, uh, of 30 years, no, I'm just kidding. I mean, I, I dated some wonderful women and we did our best and, uh, it's a 50, 50 game of who's at fault but uh i do i did have my mother say to me one time she says why do you always pick these girls and uh that's when i realized that i had based you know i based uh my girlfriends on my mother uh so there you go uh as what looks or personality probably i don't know uh We didn't always have a great relationship

Going up but no That's half a joke there but You know there was My mom was blonde too so I don't put that together where you want And so I date a lot of blondes For a long time But you know I just I was broken I was

Traumatized from childhood and so I was I was attracting People who also were broken as well. And it was like, so, you know, you're sitting there as two people and you're like, Hey, you got some traumas. Yeah. Yeah. I got some traumas. So I got this bag of broken glass and you got what?

A bag of razor blades. Let's fucking play. Right. You know, I haven't, I haven't dated since I left LA and left my husband two and a half years ago. And I have this laundry list of questions to ask at a first date. Do you? I mean, the best thing you're doing is what you're doing right now. You're healing yourself.

You're finding yourself. You're rebuilding. You know, kind of when you divorce, you have to rebuild, um, your identity because when you're married, it's a different identity. And a lot of people, they really make the mistakes. I see this in the dating field where they get divorced, they break up out of relationship. And then right away, they want to start dating again. And it's like, you know, even someone who's a serial dater like me, you know, I, I, I see that. I'm just like, you're fucked up for a couple of years. You need to, you need to go deal with that.

Both men and women, um, because they, they have to unpack and grief and, you know, go through that whole cleansing process of getting that, the dead identity out of them. And they've got to rebuild who they are again. And they got to find out what makes them happy. And then, and then hopefully, you know, you meet them somewhere in that in that cathartic uh cross and you're like hey did you get all that shit cleaned up with the psychiatrist they're like yeah i did and you're like okay well maybe so uh so there you go but it sounds like you're doing that you know part of your pathway is writing this book part of your part of your journey of of cleansing yourself and and figuring

all this stuff out you know they always say the teacher learns more than the student and so that's the great thing about a book and and sharing your story like you are and i love how you're being authentic too i mean you're you're you're telling the good the bad and the ugly and you're saying this is it because people do need to hear it um there's you know the stories are the owner's manual life and there's so many people out there that may have gone through a situation or in a situation that you used to be in that are trying to find the door. And you're probably the only voice that can bring that to them to give them the key to open it. And that's exactly what I meant by that first sentence of, please, God, let this mess be a message.

Because if it's not, I just need to crawl in a dark corner a dark hole and just not come out there you go like how to go from rock bottom to a rock star and uh i like how you have the attitude of letting go like a boss you know i i see so many people do this thing i'm a boss babe now i'm i you. I see it in dating pools. Men don't want to date another boss. Being a boss and being a leader is a masculine trait. We want a feminine trait. I'll see these women that are just like, I'm a boss babe.

I'm a boss. You're like, I don't really want a boss. I would like a nice feminine woman who is nurturing and kind. And if I want to date another masculine person, I'll go on Grindr and date another man. And so I get why women do it because they're trying to be more masculine because they're in a masculine frame when you're in the work environment leadership environment but you know in a relationship environment it's a whole different thing i don't i don't really want to be competing with the boss babe over here you know and that that had been my attitude yeah my persona for so long and it was exhausting to try to prove something yeah something what is there there's nothing to prove there's a certain um sense of peace and serenity that i don't need

um validation from anyone for anything and that comes from unbossing yourself yeah you know i mean like like you like you talked about you're trying that you're doing unbossing yourself. Yeah. You know, I mean, like, like you, like you talked about, you're trying to, you're doing the tattoos and different things to try and,

you know, show you were still street cred and stuff like that. I mean, yeah, really, you know, most women want to get into their femininity, but they have to have a secure alpha frame around them to be able to provide

that security provider protector sort of thing. And it's hard when women are single because they, they have to be either the masculine as well. I mean, you're raising kids now still. Did you get your kids back? Yes. Yeah. My oldest son, he's 22. He lives with me. My youngest son, he's 16. He was just here this weekend for the holiday. We have incredible relationships, but that is only because I suit up and I show up and I make sure that I am there. And it took years for me to rebuild those relationships and regain their trust. And now they're around me all the time. They trust me.

There you go. I sometimes don't even feel like I deserve it for everything that they've been through. But they're remarkably resilient and we adore each other. There you go. And they probably love their mom. Most sons do. Even if they're not the greatest moms in the world. I'm not saying you were, but No, I'm not referring to you. But you know, I mean, I had a real toxic grandmother, so that's what's going through my head. I don't know how anybody dealt with her as a mother. But yeah, fortunately, I had a good grandmother on the side.

But so now you're in a healthy state of mind. You're rebuilding yourself. You're taking care of yourself. You're getting out there. You're sharing stuff. Do you plan on maybe doing some coaching or something like that soon where you coach people? Absolutely. Yeah. Plan on maybe doing some coaching or something like that soon where you coach people and help them? Yeah, I'm working on a digital course that I can offer with the pre-sale of my book to just kind of see if there's any interest in anyone having me help them with anything.

So yeah, transformational coaching. I've hired a global transformational speaking mentor that's helping me curate my signature speech. So I'm working on that also and i'm just super excited about the evolution of what's to come and you know when i get on my knees at night and pray i never in a million years thought i would be grateful for everything that has happened thus far in my life. Without it, would I have purpose? Mm-hmm. And being grateful is one of the most important things. I think it really grounds you.

Yeah. Where, you know, every Sunday I do Gratitude Sunday. We call it Grateful Sunday. It's on my calendar. And so every day is, on Sundays, it's my reflective time. It's my peace time. Um, no one's allowed. There's no, there's no dates. There's no women of, uh, uh, it's my, Hugh Hefner used to have one day a week where he would do his journaling, his archives in his

library and he would organize his life. He would have gratitude for his life. He'd go through this, pretty much spend all his time in his library. And so Sunday is my day where I eat alone. I have peace all day long. I start looking at my week and start getting that game in my head as to how that's going to go down and whatever I got to do, trying to catch up to emails, but mostly gratitude. So I sit down, I go through old photos. I process, you know, the photos of my dogs, which are my children and, you know, put them into the different,

you know, categories and backup files. We back up everything. And so that's, that's my time to have gratitude. And I think gratitude really grounds people. I think that's, I think it's maybe,

isn't it one of the tenets of AA where you have to have gratitude? Yeah. In the beginning, you know, the gratitude is the biggest exercise. It's an action. It's not something that just comes naturally to just wake up in gratitude. It's an action and it's something you have to practice in order for your mind to get set that way. Yeah. And it helps.

I think it helps keep you grounded. It helps you appreciate yourself, maybe love yourself a little bit more. I might love myself a little too much. He's a narcissist. I feel you. There's this pattern that I've noticed in my older age. You know, this is not something I could have recognized when I was 20 or 30. But everything that transpires and happens, there's this incredible hindsight blessing that I'm like, oh my God, that could never have happened if so-and-so didn't happen.

And the things that have happened are incredibly tragic and hurtful and traumatic but if that hadn't happened i wouldn't be two years later looking back going wow if that hadn't happened like for example if my husband hadn't come out as transgender and i hadn't moved back to delray my oldest son would not be living with me right now which is something i had begged and prayed god for years prior to even meeting that man, you know? Yeah. So, you know, it's an interesting road. And the nice thing is about the other thing about gratitude is that helps you be present, I think, because you have to be in the present going, I appreciate everything that we've got right here. And I think that's important. Um, but yeah, you have to be present and go with the past of the past, whatever happened, it got me here. It's a weird, it's a weird wacky journey of life,

but you know, at least you've entered salvation now. And so you've got a chance to redeem yourself, save yourself, find yourself, develop yourself. And, uh And you're out of the throes of addiction and, and hopefully, you know, just making bad choices and stuff. And, you know, you like me, I've probably made a couple, I would say. 98% of my life has been a bad decision. I'm super, I'm so excited about the next half of my life. I didn't know that when I began getting sober, I used to complain to my family that my life's going to be boring now. Nothing's going to be exciting.

And it was just the crazy I was addicted to, the chaos, constant chaos. And now that I don't have the chaos and I live in peace and my body feels at peace, when something rattles that, I'm like, whoa, I don't like that. I don't like that feeling of uneasiness anymore. And I'm so excited that I am grateful. I'm so excited that I feel like an expansion happening. I don't know what it is, but it feels really good. And I love that I have friends and relationships and my children are here. I'm so excited for the next half of my life. It sounds like you built a much richer life and you've got good support groups and people. And, and, uh, yeah.

So that's a great lesson for people out there who might have gone through the same thing or going to the same thing, you know, building a support group, having friends and, uh, you know, watching for uh you know watching for you know the people that's one of the challenges a lot of people do that are grow up in in trauma or grow up in instability instability is they think that's normal and so their whole life is in stable because they're like well that's what i grew up with i'm comfortable with it and uh so it's good that you you can acknowledge it you can see an outcome and you can be like well well, okay, Hey, what's going on here? Um, you know, and stay out of that whole sort of mess. Cause you don't want to go down that road again. So give us your final thoughts as we go out and pitch to people, uh, where can they follow

you, et cetera, et cetera, where they can, they get news in the upcoming book. Um, I'm finishing the edits of my book. It's called the unbossing. It will be for pre-sale and sell on Amazon. You can find me at TheRealBossDoss on TikTok or BossDossHair on Instagram. I am in South Florida. And if anyone needs to get their hair done, I do beautiful platinum work. I'm an international award-winning platinum hair artist.

Oh, wow. Yeah, God gifted me with that talent just off the streets. I don't know how that happened. But God is good. There you go. There you go. Well, I'll call you when I want to go blonde again. I used to be blonde back in the 90s.

So thank you very much for coming on the show, Alice, and we really appreciate it. We got your dot coms in there, right? Yep. There we go. And thanks, Madis We really appreciate it. We got your dot coms in there, right? There we go. Thanks for tuning in. Go to Goodreads.com, Fortress, Chris Foss, LinkedIn.com, Fortress, Chris Foss, Chris Foss1 on the tickety-tockety, Chris Foss, Facebook.com,

and I think that's everything. Thanks for tuning in. Be good to each other. Stay safe, and we'll see you guys next time.