The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Ana Lennyr, Family Relationships Mentor & Life Strategist

Episode Date: March 6, 2022

Ana Lennyr, Family Relationships Mentor & Life Strategist Analennyr.com

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. Get ready, get ready, strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. This is Voss here from thechrissvossshow.com. The chrissvossshow.com.

Hey, we're coming to you with another podcast. We certainly appreciate you guys tuning in. Be sure to go to youtube.com forward slash chris voss hit that bell notification button go to goodreads.com forward slash chris voss see everything we're reading and reviewing right now go to all our channels facebook linkedin twitter instagram see the big 132 000 group on linkedin and our newsletter on linkedin that thing is killing it people love that newsletter it just goes right to their emails on linkedin and it's just eating up all the views every day. Also, be sure to tell your friends, neighbors, and relatives to

subscribe to the show. Today, we have Anna Lanier on. She is a premier life strategist who specializes in helping teenagers and adults to build strong and supportive family relationships. By addressing the root cause, which holds people back, she removes any and all excuses and replaces them with reasons and opportunities. Anna is not only proving herself in the industry for a very long time, but she is sought out by people from all over the country and the world as well. She's gone through her own hardships like abandonment by her father, an alcoholic mother, insomnia for two and a half years, a suicide attempt at 19, chronic back pain and migraines for 27 years of her life, obesity, non-alcoholic, liver hepatitis, poverty, and a depressed child.

She makes herself unique by combining herself as a teacher, psychologist, and parent experienced with her anti-depression expertise. She changes teens' lives and adults' in subtle ways without lecturing, confrontation, or therapy. That's the opposite of what I do. I just lecture them. I'm just kidding. I just do confrontation. Our philosophy, her philosophy is simple. Master the game of life so you'll never be trapped in pain and hurt again. In her approach with difficult teenagers, she teaches teenagers how to teach your child to master their game of life. Welcome to the show, Anna. How are you?

Fine. Thank you, Chris. Thank you for having me. Good, good. I was just trying to take over your bio there, really, with how it's going. So give us your plug so people can find out more about you on the interwebs. So you can find me at AnnaLanier.com or better ask Anna with one N dot com. But what we do is a little bit different than your regular business show. We're looking at the family as a cell of recharging somebody who is an executive,

somebody who is a professional, right? Because this is the truth. When you come home and your family doesn't understand you, doesn't love you, doesn't respect you, somebody's in depression, somebody's angry, somebody's whining, right? You at work, you are not able to function properly, right? You're always worried about your family. You're not able to get to your true potential. You're not able to get to your top productivity. So what we do is practically we take over the family when there are any kind of problems, minor problems or major problems, we fix them so everybody can concentrate on work, making money, right? Because this is the truth.

If the battery of your family life is not charging you properly, you always feel exhausted. You also always feel tired. And you think it's a work problem when it is not. It's actually your family problem. There you go. And it sounds like you've been through quite a lot of experiences that have given you expertise and knowledge and some of the challenges that get thrown into people's life. Do you want to talk about some of those? Yeah. So I've been through depression for 27 years of my life. I was suicidal at 19. I was an adult child of an

alcoholic and I ended up as a parent of a depressed child at the age of eight. And after I overcame depression, I thought that I succeeded to catch the last train that goes to God or something like that because I was so happy, right? And it's when I realized that I have a specific talent to get people out of the depths of their pain in a very different way than they expect. So yes, sometimes we need to address depression for teenagers and adults, and that takes up to like five, six months. But we usually work on preventing these issues with like fixing marriages in less than a month, with like turning your teenager from difficult to totally workable. Wow. A couple of weeks, right? So we're trying to address these issues before it gets to the depths of nobody understands

me. Nobody likes me. Nobody loves me. I'm not good enough, right? Because those are a little bit harder issues to address. But if we have to, we intervene in this too. So practically, when we work with companies or with professionals or with business people, we take away from their shoulders their family life. Right? So they can be relieved. And it's amazing, right, because we were working with,

we talked about a mega success where I've been in December, and it's when I found my youngest customer, six years old, suicidal child. Holy crap. Yeah. So you can imagine how deep this goes, right? So, of course, that I intervene immediately. And he's already out of depression by now with his mother because they were both in the same thing. What was exceptional to see is from the father, who was a very successful man.

The moment when he saw that his family is fine, his child is not depressed and angry, his wife is totally fine. Now he's ready to open three extra businesses in the last month. He felt so relieved. He's like, oh, my God. He's like, I have wings. I've been waiting for seven years for somebody to give me the solution. Now I know they're good. They're safe, they're totally fine. And he didn't do anything special. The poor man was just so worried, and it kept him down. Yeah, if your home life isn't right, your work life isn't right either.

True, right. So the way we're looking at the family is like, you know how it is with little orchestra things like a duet, a trio, or a quartet where everybody's playing their own song, right? So I just interview for a short period of time and be the conductor. Now you stop, now you start, now you stop, now you start. And it just takes a couple of weeks until everybody plays a song instead of everybody playing noise. Well, that's all the difference. So what are some of the techniques that you use?

How do you get people through these sort of things? Or what sort of clients are the people that you usually like to work with? You will be surprised at all kinds of clients that are with their marriages falling apart. They have difficult teenagers at all levels, either withdrawn, anger, disrespectful, answering back, right, or playing video games. We saw people that they realized that slip in depression or they have some level of anxiety. But the first technique that I use is that I teach them relationship skills. Because they don't have a good relationship with themselves and with a family. Oh, wow.

In that little orchestra I was talking about, everybody tries to play a song to be heard, and nobody listens to the other person playing. It kind of helps if you listen to each other. Now you stop, now you start. Now you stop, now you start now you stop now you start right and it's amazing because some things we can fix them in three days so about uh about seven it was yeah so about seven weeks ago it was it was a big executive that called me and she was like

i have my divorce papers in my hand right now You have one week to convince me not to divorce my husband or I'm just going to throw these papers in his face. I'm like, I need three days from you. And she's like, what do I need to do? I'm like, do this relationship course of three and a half hours and then call me. She did not call me the next day. I said, why didn't you call me? Because I saw that you finished the course. I can see it on the computer.

You finish it. Oh, my God. I am mute. I made so many mistakes in my marriage. You're hiring, firing people all the time. You're a big executive. You're mute? I'm like, I can't believe.

I thought my husband doesn't understand me. I don't understand and respect him. I'm like, okay, perfect. Now let's work on it. Do you want to work on it for the next month? Or you just want me to give you the 10 steps to do today? Give me the 10 steps. In three days, her marriage was saved.

Wow. That's pretty darn amazing, man. That's pretty amazing. So why are people struggling so hard in marriages, relationships? I mean, is it that they don't know how to partner up and be in a relationship with each other? Or is it just they got a clean house on their issues or something? Sorry. So after they get through a honeymoon period. Everyone loves that part. Right. Okay. Women have different expectations than men. So women always want their

husband to change or their partner to change. Unconsciously, they want this. Why? They change every month. As a woman, you're changing every month. Your blood changes every month, right? Men are different. Men, I want you to be the same person as you. I married you 50 years ago, if it's possible, right? I don't want you to change. So this is super funny because when we're working with women like that, they expect me to be the therapist where they complain, which I don't do, right? And they're like, oh, be on my side and try to manipulate my husband to change and things like this, right? I shock them. I like

short circuit them and I give them a relationship course that tells them everything you do is wrong. You don't understand the man you're next to. And then they're like, oh my God, oh my God. So you're not by my side. I'm like, no, I'm by the side of a truth. Okay. Wow. You expect the man to change. You want to manipulate him. And poor man is bringing you everything you want at home. It's working.

It's doing his best. Don't you have a little bit of respect towards him? They don't understand that because, you see, we've been in a culture chris where we women know how to manipulate men yeah it's very true okay and we used to do that and actually the right way to approach a man is just to tell him the truth oh he doesn't want quacking and being manipulated and being afraid of manipulating just tell tell him the truth. This is what I want. Yes or no? And 99% of the

times he will tell you the truth. We're very simple creatures that way. Yeah. I mean, we're very simple creatures like that. Just get right to the point. Tell us what we need to do and we're off on that mission. So I get along great with men because I just like, just talk to me like a man.

Forget about that woman. Yeah, it's, you know, and we're problem solvers. I mean, we're naturally problem solvers where if you give us a task or something, we're taskers. If we got to go kill the dinosaur, I mean, that's where we come from.

We come from cavemen. If we got to go kill a dinosaur to get something to eat for everybody, we go kill a dinosaur. It's real simple. We don't, when we go shopping, we do the same sort of principle. We go get the genes and we leave whatever we want to buy. We don't sit in there and spend a whole lot of time with that because we're hunters. Women are gatherers. Men are hunters. It's so funny how a lot of people think that we're very different than our caveman genes, we're still the same. We're still the same. It's all biology, really. Even worse, nowadays, women are taught by feminists that men and women are

the same. They can be the same. Women can just act like men and it'll be fine. It doesn't work out because it's eons of biology. You can't disrupt it. Tell us about some of the other things you've had or maybe a favorite client you had as a success story. So we had a lot of success stories. I remember when a guy just gave to his wife my phone number. He said, listen, our marriage is not working. Just talk to this woman, right? And she was the one who, her name was Cindy, and she was the one like complaining for an hour on the phone.

I hate my husband do you know how bad he is and I'm like oh god poor man is trying his best right and you just don't get it right so a lot of I call these women that are complaining about their men and they can't hold on a marriage I call them as Bamb right? Because they're always into the mode of wanting to change something or always looking to be some kind of victim of something, right? And who is the abuser? It's got to be the husband because there is nobody else. And what I do is I electroshock them with a course of three and a half hours where they find out everything they did wrong. And then, but now that I wiped off every intention of them to change their husband and do it all the way they want to, now it's easy for me to rebuild.

So I have to be honest, Chris, I get more flowers from my men customers that I get from my husband. My husband is quite jealous. He's like, when the heck do I have a chance to buy you flowers? That's true. That's true. Does it have to do with accountability? Because I know one of the biggest complaints for a lot of my married friends is accountability

in women. Getting them, instead of blaming the guy for everything, and it's always his fault of everything, there's actually a guy on TikTok who does a thing for all the things my wife blamed me for today. And he's like, I breathe too loud, and it's my fault. I need to stop breathing. It's kind of funny. He's got like millions of followers. There's a few of them now doing these things.

Is accountability or self-accountability one of the things you deal with women to help them overcome? No, I practically rewire them the right way. Okay. Okay? Because this is the truth. They always have the idea that somebody is hurting them, that somebody is abusing them, that they have to be angry at something, right?

And when I tell them that your husband is not the enemy, he could have left you a long time ago. And they hear this from a woman, which is not by their side, that shocks them. Because women are usually, oh, honey, you're so right. He's such a bad guy, right? And I'm like, no, you just don't get him. You don't understand. This man is doing this job. This man is doing the other job. And there are four types of men and four types of women in the world. So I show them all where they are and where they have to step properly to dance properly.

Because relationship is a game, is a strategy, is a dance. It's not like fairy tale that you learn from an 80-year-old woman, grandma. Wow. Yeah. What age group do you find struggles the most, or is it pretty much all women these days of all ages? I found struggling the most the ones that have teenagers or kids at home that are difficult because each one tries to pull the kid towards them, thinking that the other parent is

wrong you know what i mean and then they and i i say this i remember that i knew one of the famous wisconsin lawyers family lawyers long time ago and i asked her one time what was your biggest case the one that was like you're never going to forget? And she told me it was a case when two people were divorcing and they're pulling one child right, left, right, left towards them and the poor kid killed himself. So I always tell, you know, parents is like stop interfering when the father talks, when the mother talks, Stop saving the child and bring

yourself into this triangle of insanity because no parent wants anything bad to the child. This is how you perceive things. And the child needs to learn the good from every parent. That's why they have two parents. Yeah, most definitely. They do. I guess there's a lot of culture of blame in marriage. I've never been married. I can't afford the divor do. I guess there's a lot of culture of blame in marriage. I've never been married. I can't afford the divorces. So I never got married. Now you can because you talk to me. There you go. I still got to save up the money for the divorces. Divorce. That's probably the thing to do. Give them a copy thing. So are the men, you say you give a course to women. Is there a course for men yes we have courses for men they're usually the one that

are feeling betrayed and they don't know why they have been betrayed and hurt by women they don't know why they haven't been respected and usually this kind of man I call them the good boys. The good boys that are not very forceful. They have been taught by our culture to be soft, you know, not to offend women and stuff like that. And those are the ones who get hurt the most. Yeah. So we build forces for them because the truth is they have been disrespected and betrayed by their partner because their partner doesn't feel protected with them because they're so soft and such good boys, right? So here we raise their self-esteem and we show them, listen, you met 25% of women that are

cheating on you. There are another 75% in the world that will never do that. Come on. Don't lose hope and don't quit. Don't end up at the age of 74 single. We had customers coming to us. I'm 74. I'm depressed because I'm single and I have no kids. I'm like, how am I supposed to help you now? Yeah, like 74.

That's a little late in the game to get started. Exactly. I'm like, I. I think I'll start dating. What the hell with that? Oh, it's true. A poor man was afraid of being married and having a relationship for all his life. Instead of fixing that problem and having the guts to go through a relationship course, he ended up depressed at the age of 74. Well, that's a, I mean, there's his life choice probably happy for it and i don't know the the most interesting statistic that i read recently

was uh most married guy it used to be that married men would die within a year their wives passing away the recent thing that happened in modern year is most men die seven years before their wives they're just fucking frazzled to death and beat down and they just they're just beat out and died so the guy probably live longer for it i expect to live longer for it but what are some other things that tips and tricks or ways that people can reach out to you and do business with you so we do work with teenagers i mean mean, more like with parents, right? Trying to teach them all these skills. We do work with emotional imbalance, especially anger, worry, right?

And anxiety. We work with a lot of anxiety, a lot of anxiety these days. I work with anxiety. Mostly it's mine. Yeah. So people don't understand that the anxiety is like taken away in the family as energy, right? And yes, we do hard cases of depression too if it's needed. But I'm hoping that nobody's going to get there.

Good luck with that, right? Yeah. Good luck with that also. Depression's always fun. I think I live with it most of my life. But finally, I got an eviction notice and told it to go its own way. I don't know what that means. No, I don't. It's a joke that I evicted depression. So that's just a joke. Your divorce depression. Okay. Something like that. Yeah. I served a notice and gave a divorce. I don't know. I probably still live with it. So, so what are

some of the best ways people can reach out to you, do business with you, learn more about you, et cetera, et cetera? So the best way to reach me is betteraskanna.com. There we have usually a couple of courses for free for depression, and we have a couple of classes for free. And we have a new service that we institute, and we have a lot of requests called Ask Anna One Question before you make a mistake in life.

You're going to get yourself a free answer from me because we saw many people jumping in divorces when their marriage could have been fixed. And then they end up in depression. I'm like, why did you divorce? You were better in your marriage and now you're more depressed. I'm like, why did you divorce? You were better in your marriage, and now you're more depressed. I'm like, this is not a good idea. Let's try to fix the problem, right?

So we ended up with a lot of requests there of answering questions. So betteraskhannahwithonehand.com is the best way to reach me. And this is really important. I mean, I've been single all my life, which means I did all the divorced single mothers. And I hear what they say about their divorces. And nine times out of ten, they were actually better off staying in their marriage and working out if they could fix it.

You would think that, Chris, but you see the men being single after they divorce, about one, two years after the divorce, they end up with heart attacks. Oh, really? And the women

end up with all kinds of illnesses, including ovarian cancer, breast cancer, and things like this. You would think they're better off. This is how they try to lie to themselves. The truth is that a life without love

is a sad life. It really is. I mean, I think a lot of people, they seem to think life is better on the other side. And what's that adage? The grass is greener? But no, nine times out of ten, a lot of males aren't looking to marry up someone else who has someone else's seed.

They're looking usually for their own seed if that's what they're into. But the other thing is it's just such a mess to deal with. And so they really struggle. You see them on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter trying to find a good man, and they can't find anybody. It's like you really should just go back to your husband. They know exactly who they need to find. Is that what they need to do?

They don't even know who to find yeah they don't know who they are out of the four types of women they don't know who they are so how are you going to know what you want you're just deluding yourself i want somebody that loves me and respects me just tell me which type of a four men? Oh, we call them the creator. Okay. The manager. Uh-huh. The visionary.

And the kink. Ah. I'm all four, I think. I don't know. A balanced person will be all four and will be able to manage from these energies at any time. Hopefully that's me. I don't know if I fit them all. A non-balanced person will go only on

one or two, right? And will always seek from a partner the other two and wondering why they don't get along. Because you're seeking something that you need to accomplish. That's probably why I'm single. I have all four, so I don't need them. Yeah, you see?

Well, this has been a wonderful discussion. Yeah, you see? That's probably it. Yeah, that. Well, this has been a wonderful discussion. Anna, give us your plug so people can find you on the interwebs and get to know you better. So AnnaLanier.com or BetterAskAnna.com with one N. You can find me there. And, yes, I am a parenting and relationship mentor, a life strategist, and an anti-depression expert. There you go. Thank you very much for coming on the show today, Anna. We certainly appreciate it.

Thank you, Chris. And thanks to my audience for tuning in. Go to goodreads.com, 4chesschrisvoss, youtube.com, 4chesschrisvoss, all the groups on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, all those different places out there. Also, see our big LinkedIn newsletter and our big LinkedIn group on LinkedIn. It's in the name of the show. You can find it everywhere. Thanks everyone for tuning in. Stay safe, be good to each other, and we'll see you guys next time.