The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Be a Dick: How One Person Can Change the World in the Most Unexpected Way by Marc Ensign

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

Be a Dick: How One Person Can Change the World in the Most Unexpected Way by Marc Ensign Amazon Description: "My name is Marc. And I am a Dick. I'm a Dick to all of my friends. And to my family. I'm a Dick to people I know. And to people I don't know. In fact, if we were to bump into each other someday, whether it be online or in real life, I would probably be a Dick to you, too. It's nothing personal. It's just who I am. And who I believe we all should be. Be a Dick: How One Person Can Change the World in the Most Unexpected Way is the true story of one's journey to live a life that matters and the surprising path it takes along the way. If you don't already consider yourself a Dick, you'll definitely want to be one by the time you finish reading this book!" Marc Ensign's story began way back when he was a kid who wanted to change the world. Upon realizing that it might take a little longer than anticipated, he got sidetracked and found himself playing bass on Broadway with the Tony Award-Winning show Rent. He was completely unqualified (his words) but had a gift for marketing himself and the rest is Broadway history. Fast forward a bunch of years later and Marc is now "The Big Cheese" at LoudMouse, a personal branding agency specializing in making some of the world's most inspiring speakers, authors, coaches, and entrepreneurs impossible to ignore.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. Get ready, get ready, strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. It's Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com, thechrisvossshow.com. Hey, we're coming here with another great podcast.

We certainly want to invite you to go over to youtube.com. And over there, you can sign up free for an unlimited time hit the bell notification youtube.com for chest chris voss you can subscribe to the show and see all the wonderful uh guests and authors and stuff that we have over there including today's author you can also go to the cvpn.com, chrisfosspodcastnetwork.com, and see all the wonderful nine podcasts that we have over there as well. And you can hit that subscribe button to all of them because, you know what, you're going to be more smarter, more beautiful, and everything else. On top of that, you can go to facebook.com, 4chess, The Chris Foss Show, and you can follow the show over there. There's lots of groups, actually, for The Chris Foss Show. I think there's like three or four. And you can follow the groups over there. There's lots of groups actually for the Chris Voss show. I think it was like three or four and you can follow the groups over there as well.

Follow me on Goodreads, goodreads.com forward slash Chris Voss. And that's actually the end of our plugs today as if those can get long enough as it were. Today we have a most brilliant author on the show with us. He's been a friend of mine for several years. I'm not sure why he's still friends with me. He knows me very well, which is what's extraordinary about i'm just kidding i'm just kidding his name is mark anson his story began way back when he was a kid and he wanted to change the world upon realizing that it might take a little longer than anticipated he got sidetracked and found himself playing bass on broad with the Tony Award winning show Rent. He was completely unqualified, his words, but he had a gift for marketing himself and the rest is Broadway history. personal branding agency specializing in making some of the world's most inspiring speakers, authors, coaches, and entrepreneurs. His new book that he's just put out, you can get this

all over the world, of course, is called Be A Dick, with a capital D, How One Person Can Change the World in the Most Unexpected Way. Welcome to the show, Mark. How are you? I'm doing fantastic. How are you doing, Chris? I am doing awesome, my friend. We're faking it until we make it on this, what is it? Is it Wednesday morning? I don't even know what morning is anymore.

I'm still going through election shock, so there we go. But today, let's talk about your awesome book. Give us your plugs before we get into the show and what the book is about. Sure. So everything you need to know about the book, including synopsis and where to get it, and even there's some dick pics on there as well, is Iwanttobeadick.com. You'll get everything you need from there. There you go.

Okay, thanks for coming on, Mark. And everyone check that book out. No, I'm just kidding. I didn't promise. That's the First time I've done that one. So anyway, tell us what being a dick years ago. I was living in New Jersey, had this idea that I was going to make this big difference in the world. And as a result of just, you know, going about working and doing stuff that we all do as people, had my midlife crisis around 40 years old, decided to sell everything I own, pull my family away from their friends and school and everything else. And we moved 1200 miles away from New Jersey to, to Tampa, Florida. And because for some reason, I had in my head that that if you're going to

change the world, it's certainly not going to happen off the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey, like you have to get the hell away from New Jersey. We just lost the New Jersey crowd. Well, I found out for what it's worth, I found out that I was not actually true. So so you know, so there's a little redemption there. And, and so I'm in this midlife crisis mode and, and, and I get down to Florida sight unseen. We moved to Tampa, Florida, just like the Gulf Coast. And, you know, the, they're unpacking boxes and I'm walking around my house and just realized that like, what have I done? Like, you ever, you know, like you ever do something really, really stupid. And then like in the midst of, of, you know, and then in the midst of it, like it hits you like, like, oh, that was really stupid. We should probably undo this and get back to what we were doing before. Except when you sell everything you own, including your house and move 1200 miles away, it's a lot more difficult to undo all that. And so I was in, like I was in it.

And to answer your question, Mark, every damn day. Yeah, right. And so as a result, I, my wife threw me out of the house to go for a walk and to, to kind of shake it off. And, and, and so I went for a walk around the house. And that is when I ran into this older gentleman around his mid 6060s, and his name was Dick. Actually, it still is Dick, actually, as a matter of fact. And he's just this extraordinary guy, just, you know, approached, you know, from such a place of love and care and like just a good person, like a good, kind person. And so we became friends. And I, you know, and every day that I hung out with this guy, something new kind of came up, you know, walking around his house, and he's got a dozen Emmys, you know, hanging up on a shelf,

like incredibly ambitious and successful, but at the same time, incredibly humble. And so, so for the next year, I began to just kind of be mentored by this guy, unbeknownst to him, just kind of followed him around like a puppy dog, and picked up all these different principles and started applying them to my life. And it really pulled me out of this otherwise pretty dark time. Nice, nice. So give us an overview of the book, like what sort of details to get into just kind of the scope, if you would. Sure. So give us an overview of the book. Like what sort of details do you get into? Just kind of the scope, if you would. Sure. So the book basically walks through that whole story of coming from New Jersey, moving down to Florida. And then like each chapter is a different principle that I learned from Dick. So, you know, the first one is being kind and, uh, and, and there's just this example

of, of, you know, how he was really kind and just, just accepting to us and my, you know, my kids. Um, and then there was, uh, uh, the, the second principle is be helpful and then be humble and be thoughtful, be generous, be, um, authentic, be present, uh, be forgiving and then grateful, vulnerable, and ambitious. And it's these, you know, each chapter kind of goes through each of these different principles and how to really kind of apply them and, and how they show up in our lives. And, and really, the gist of the whole thing is that, you know, I'm coming from this place of, and I think a lot of people kind of come from this place of wanting to make a difference um and wanting to do something significant with their lives but like you know then we all have that friend that's

building the you know the the orphanage in the in the dominican republic or the or you know walking across the planet in a pair of flip-flops raising millions of dollars for some organization and like i just don't have the time or the energy or the the know-how or the interest of doing any of that so if any you know like that's the person that's going to change the world i'm just going to sit here or just work until i die and and um and it's not the case like like you know we can make a difference in our little corner in our in what we're doing uh just by uh by being kind to somebody by being helpful by being humble and and especially now with everything that's going on, like it's, it just, I feel like it's just something that we all really need. And, and, and to be able to, you know,

kind of package it up and something where that allows me to tell dick jokes all the time, makes it even that much more fun. So the beautiful part about your book is it's, it's, it's, it's a book about a gentleman named Dick and, and it's not what you might think it is. Those of you with dirty minds out there. So I, I think this is a great book to especially to have right now, because we're kind of in a place, especially in America, and there might be other places around the world too,

where it's extraordinarily hard times for a lot of people, especially with COVID and people are struggling and mental health. And we're a little bit on edge, you know, I mean, you know, we've got a pandemic on our hands. And then some of the politics around the world, especially America, for the last, I would say, for the last four or five years, there's been a promotion of toxicity, bullying and nastiness. And I think it is a good time for us to have a reset from that where, you know, we try to be kind to each other. I think there was a thing that, like, you know,

pay it forward sort of projects and different things. I think there's some people that did some videos where if you're, like, nasty to, like, your taxi driver, you're nasty to the person at the breakfast counter line and how you ruin their day by being nasty to them and then they're nasty to the person at the breakfast counter line and how you you you ruin their day and by being nasty to them and then they're nasty to somebody else and then it just kind of spreads you ever seen those videos that yeah and so i think this is really an important thing that they can do right now and and talk about and kind of rethink or reset if you will

yeah and and and that's kind of what it's been doing. I, I started, I started writing this, actually, I started writing this years ago, and then I, then I took it back behind the shed and shot it because it was one of those things that was just taking up so much of my time and I couldn't quite get it right. And it felt like it was a little too, it was a little too out there to, to, you know, to like, I was going to lose clients if I started being the guy that wrote the dick book. And so I kind of got rid of it and walked away from it. And then COVID hit and there was just so much angst and so much, you know, and mixed with politics and mixed with, you know, all the racial injustice going on. And it was all this stuff.

And on top of that, we're all trapped in our house. You know, I can't like, like, so you can't even do anything with this. Like you can't, there's nothing you can do. You're just going to have to sit and stew in it. And so I broke it out out of, you know, out of having not looked at it for about a year or two and just, you know, started with a blank piece of paper and started writing again because I had my own stuff to get out. And, and then, you know, started with a blank piece of paper and started writing again because I had my own stuff to get out. And then, you know, looking around, I'm like, wow, if this can actually do something for somebody or anybody, then I could feel like I've done something in the midst of all this because I'm not a nurse.

I'm not a doctor. I'm not a scientist. You know, I mean, I'm not going to, I'm not a politician. Like, there's nothing I could do to help. I'm a musician who's a marketing guy. Like,'s, like there's, there's nothing I could do to help. I'm a musician. Who's a marketing guy. Like, you know, what good is that? All my musicians.

You like some baselines. Yeah, exactly. Make you feel good. And, and so, so this was like kind of my contribution just to get my head out of all the stuff that was going on and try to keep myself a little bit, a little bit sane. Sounds like a bit of your own car. Carthus is what's the word I'm looking for? It's a cathartic. I was going to sit back and watch you muscle through that. Yeah, I can't. I, I, it's the brain. I don't know what's going on this morning.

But the, you know, a bit of a, it seems like a lot of authors do that. And even stuff that i've written sometimes i i'm doing it more for selfish reasons and then people will be like that extraordinarily had a difference in my life or improve my life or uh there's two times on twitter where i put stuff out and uh talked about some positive and some different issues i was having people told me twice that they were committed they were planning on committing suicide that day and they backed off it it's interesting how we share those internal catharsis that we, that are our struggle. And then we've, we find out through sharing that we

improve people's lives or save people's lives because the human struggle seems to be about the same, you know, across the same sort of topics and stuff. So I think it's really cool you've hit on this and talked about it because I really think we need a reset to being just nicer people to each other and better human beings to each other, just on the basic foundation of that alone. Yeah. And I think that that's the start of it. Like I certainly don't think like, Hey, let's just all be kind and helpful and hold hands and sing songs together.

Like, I don't think that that's necessarily the answer, but I think that there it's, it's a start, you know, I mean, because there's, there's, you know, there's, there's always going to be crazy out there. There's always going to be stuff that, that, you know, that the people that, that you just, you just butt heads with, and it's just not going to work. And then there's also going to be, you know, but, but there's, I have to believe there's more opportunity to connect with people, even if they have differences. You know, I have plenty of friends that have different political beliefs as me. And, and, you know, we're still friends. Now, we don't talk about like, you know, we step away from from a lot of that stuff. But, but it's, you know, I think it just starts with that foundation of that being kind and humble and, you know, and just and just approaching life from a better place. Yeah, the that's important right now. And getting back to basics, you know, I think I think we all forget we're just all human beings and the struggle is real. Sometimes we're going through different struggles, and everybody seems to be challenged at the far end of what they are.

Usually when you're being challenged in life, you're being challenged beyond what we feel at the time is what we can handle. And, of course, it helps build this callus where we can take and, you know, you're like, wow, I lived i lived through that wow i didn't think i was going to make it um and then and then life goes hey here's something else for you try this on for size and you're like god damn another one another mountain or summit that uh is over the next hill so um you know you know me on several years and and for a lot of years i really struggled with being uh one of my uh, what would you call it?

It's this thing that Superman uses, that green crap. Oh, the kryptonite. My kryptonite is being gaslit. Like, that sets me off. And it used to be really bad. It used to trigger me really bad until I dealt with some of my secrets and and and trauma from childhood and uh and it didn't help that there was a politician in office that was triggering that as well on top of every stupid person in the world so is this can this book especially as you know me can this really help

a person like me do you think uh you might be a special case but oh oh wow yeah like back to the psychologist for me i you know i i think it's it's um it's the way that i i explain it to people is it's not necessarily a manual of like okay step one do this step two do this and you know and like it's it's more of a a gentle reminder of uh you know next time you're walking down the street and, and you, you know, you see somebody or you're at the supermarket and some old guys having a hard time, you know, putting, you know, taking the groceries out of his, out of his cart, you know, doing something helpful, doing something kind, being the, you know,

being more compassionate to your kids or whatever, like, like, cause it's in those moments that when we snap that, that things go wrong or things go bad. Cause I think inherently we're all, you know, we all, we're all pretty good people. Like we all kind of want the same thing, you know, to some degree. I mean, you're just some rotten apples and all that, but, but I think for the, you know, the vast majority, it doesn't feel like it if you watch the news, but the vast majority of the people of people are, are decent. And, um, and so, so this is kind of,

this kind of gives you that, that little bit of a, a start to, you know, it's, it's that, it's that paying for the person behind you at Starbucks, uh, kind of thing. It's not going to, is that going to change the world? Not maybe not directly, but, but like, it's going to, it's going to change life for that person behind you. And you don't even know who they voted for. And you don't know what color or what race or what, you know, who they like, you're just willing to pay for the person behind you. And, and we need a little bit more of that, like, you know, as opposed to putting people through a filter of like, you know, I'm only going to help the people that believe what I believe, because it's just not going to get us anywhere. You know, it was funny When I used to live in Vegas, I came up to Utah for the corona because I heard it was better up here.

Tastier flavor. But my family's up here. I think people know that. But at my local Starbucks, when I used to go to Starbucks because I had bad taste in coffee, clearly, but I was lazy, too. So it was right by my house. So that made it worse but uh for some reason like just almost every day you go there and some and someone had paid it forward and you'd always pay it forward because you're like well here's my money let it roll and and it

was just funny just every time but just just the fact that you would have this epiphany in the morning you know you're not you know i'm not a morning person. Clearly. Uh, I usually get fully woke up about, I don't know, six o'clock in the evening. Uh, I'm from Vegas. Give me a break. And, uh, so, so, but you have this epiphany where you'd be like, Oh, well, that's nice. You know, and you're in the morning, you're just like, and then, you know, you're like, Hey, the person in front of you paid for your thing. And, and they

paid it forward for you do you want to keep the train rolling and you're like yeah let's spin the dice and it stops that yeah on one hand you know there's something in the back of my brain that goes i really don't like being put in this position but i'm just gonna pay for my coffee anyway so you know whatever but uh you know it's kind of it there's a little bit of a guilt like what did i get sucked into i don't remember voting for this but you know but then you you realize that it's for a good thing but it it just sends that light off that you're like there's good people in the world there's people everyone isn't a selfish prick and everyone isn't concerned about themselves. And there's people out there trying. And like you say, you know, I may not be saving whales or, you know, out there.

I don't know. Whatever that chick is doing, who always sings about the dogs and stuff for the ASPCA. And I love the ASPCA and I've supported it and given it money with years, but, but still, can we do, can we just stop that commercial and go with another one? But still, I'm not doing all that. And yeah, like we've established earlier, I'm a horrible person. So let's talk about a principle of this. How can we be more kind according to your book? And I'm going to take notes because clearly I need them. So one of the comparisons that I use, and this is the way that I had met Dick was, you know, I was walking down the street with my kids after. It doesn't get old, I'm telling you. I was walking down the street with my kids. My wife threw me out of the house,

told me to grab the kids and take them with me. So just to make sure I didn't run away, I guess, and just start heading north. And so I ran into Dick, and I was just very prepared to just do the cool guy nod and just keep walking. Like, hey, how's it going? And just mutter out some kind of hey. And that was the direction that it was going. And, uh, and I like to think I'm a nice guy because I'll wave at you and I'll, I'll, I'll smile at you. And then inside I'm going, please don't talk to me. Please don't talk to me. Please don't, you know, like, like, you know, and, and I think that's the difference between nice and kind, like, like kind is the, is the person that, um, stops and they're going to, you know, they

want to talk to you and they're interested in what you have to say. He was listening to my kids for 10 minutes, talk about American Girl Dolls and Legos, like interested, you know, like he was, you know, like, like bent over eye to eye with them, like really listening to them. And, you know, and, and, and me completely forgetting that my kids are going through some stuff too. You know, they lost all their friends, they lost their home, they lost everything that was familiar to them too. And, uh, so they're dealing with some stress and they just unload on this guy. Uh, and, and he was, uh, and he caught that and he was, and he was listening. So it's, it's that it's, it's that it's taking that initiative. Uh, at one point he's, you know, he reached out and he's, he's like,

Hey, if you ever, um, you know, if you ever need a ladder, uh, for anything like, you know, cause I know you's he's like hey if you ever um you know if you ever need a ladder uh for anything like you know because i know you're gonna be hanging pictures and decorating and all that kind of stuff around the house um and and the ceilings around here are like you know ridiculous compared to new jersey the little houses that we had in new jersey but he's like if you're ever gonna need a ladder let me know i have two and um and it wasn't about the ladder specifically it was about know, putting that out there. If you ever need anything, let me know. Like, but like, you know, where you actually mean it, you know, as opposed to I've done

that, we've all done that thing where we go, Hey, if you ever need anything, let me know, you know, and walk away, be real vague about it and then hope and pray that they don't call you to help you move, you know, to help move. And, and in, in this case, it was, it was just about, you know, to help move. And, and, uh, in, in this case, it was, it was just about, um, uh, you know, taking that initiative, uh, to, to, to do for somebody and, you know, as opposed to just, um, you know, kind of pretending. Yeah. It sounds like listening is important too. I mean, one of the things that we don't do is we don't listen to each other much. Well, that's that, I think that's what, what puts us in the place that we're in, um, you know, now politically now, like, like now the solution isn't like, Oh, we should just

listen a little more. Like we're so far beyond that, but it started, you know, for eight, 10 years ago, uh, from people not really listening to the other side. And, uh, and so it, um, it definitely, uh, shows up, um, um you know as something pretty ugly now because of you know the the you know pretty ugly seed was planted and i think and i think we have to go to a deeper core i don't know how to get to the bottom of of that certain well of politics but i know that we don't listen to each other and and one of the one of the things i put up on my screen recently when i came up to utah because i was spending more time with my family is don't take my family for granted um and one of the things that we get into as people is we get in that familiarity of and then once we

get into familiarity or ownership if you're married um is is we start taking people for granted we start being dismissive of them they're always there so we you know we're just like whatever man this person again um and and familiarity i think i got this from tony robbins familiarity breeds contempt and and so to me putting that up you know reminded me to always value and appreciate, you know, what's the other word that we're looking for? To appreciate what you have, you know, take stock of what you have and go, hey, you know what? I got some good stuff going on here. I need to appreciate what I have. And so being kind is important.

I think being listening. Are there any other good tips to being kind. Um, I mean, I, I think, I think that's really where it starts. I think that's where it starts in terms of that listening and, and, uh, taking initiative, you know, and, and this is not just a, a something that, that can be done as you're walking down the street. Uh, you know, this is, this is something that, um, we could use more of on social media. Like, like, I mean, it just, just taking away being a decent human being and just talking about social media tactics and growing your business on social media. It's, you know, it's the business that's really out there listening and taking that initiative and, and,

and hearing what people have to say. I mean, if you want to have a successful social media campaign or social media presence, that's the way to do it. Same thing with business. You want to be a business that's successful, start listening to your customers. of, you know, for us as humans and also us as businesses or customers or clients or whatever, that, like, that principle alone made such an impact in my life and my business. Yeah. And so it's important for brands. It's important for companies to be kind to listen. You know, this is a problem I've been having recently.

They don't even listen to their media channels anymore. It seems like a lot of Facebook pages have been in just, just let go. Like no one's even caring about listening or listening on social media anymore. And, you know, listening, being kind is important. You know, how, how can we get there? And I think, I think laying the foundations to, so so so let me ask you this the title of the of the book is be a dick but what you're saying is be more like your dick friend your friend named dick and and be better be a better person yeah yeah so so really it's it's um you know it's it and i talk about this like whenever I'm talking or writing about this stuff that there's a vast difference between a capital D and a lowercase d because there are dicks and then there are – with a lowercase d and then there are dicks with an uppercase d. And there really is a big distinction between the two. And, and there are times when I catch myself being a lowercase D to somebody, you know, somebody in my family, I'm, you know, I'm exhausted at the end of the day and

I'm, I take them for granted and I'm just, you know, just get away from me. I don't feel like doing this right now. And then there are other times when, you know, and I, and, and having that distinction, I can catch myself, like, you know, ask myself, it might be in a lowercase or an uppercase D. And it sounds so stupid. But because it's kind of weird and catchy, and like, you know, it's just fun to, you know, to tell dick jokes around it, that it's sticky, you know, versus, I mean, I could have written a book called Be a Good Neighbor, and nobody would buy it. And it could have been the same book. But because of the premise of, you know, that his name just happened to be Dick, and I happen to be a marketing guy, and I happen to, you know, be in a really tough place in my life. And this guy happened to be a really great person. It all just kind of all the stars aligned. And there's actually a third variation on be a dick. There's just all freaking caps.

So there's that. Be a dick! So, yeah, there you go. Which could actually be either way. It could go either way depending on how you yell it. There you go. I think I've actually heard that, or I don't know what the hell. I can't find the joke there.

So what are some other aspects of the book you want to touch on before we go out that that people should maybe espouse in their lives or encourage people to buy the book so when I you know like getting back to what you said before like like I started writing the book again this year because it was cathartic as I was going through you know COVID along with everybody else. And I needed something to keep my brain occupied. And also, my wife is a grade school teacher, so she's home. My two kids are learning from home. I'm used to having the house to myself as of 8 o'clock in the morning every day.

And so I needed a new place to hide and a new reason to hide there. And, and, and so, you know, I started, I started writing this book for my own selfish reasons. And then I put it out and I gave a copy to my folks and a bunch of friends to kind of get their feedback. And my dad who is going through stage four bone cancer right now, he's, he's, he's like a couple months in going through radiation you know, and just, you know, just, just having a tough time with it. And I gave him a copy of the book, not sure whether he's going to read it or not. He's not much of a reader. And you know, but, but I was like, yeah, you know, I should give it to him.

It's his son wrote it. So I figured you might want it. And so he's sitting in the doctor's office reading this book and and he he looks up and there's an older woman who's there for her radiation treatment also. And she's having a hard time getting out of her chair and gets her walker. And he puts the book down, gets up, runs over to her or hobbles over to her because it's in his hip and he's a hard time walking and grabs her walker and

helps her up, gives her the walker and helps her to the, to the door. That's a very human move. My dad, my dad, but my dad is the kind of guy that is just oblivious to other people when he's just doing his thing. So under any other circumstance, he would have been sitting there and this lady would have been struggling and he wouldn't have thought anything of it. And it would just like, if you asked him, he would get up and he would help you. But if you don't ask him, you're on your own. And then he sat down and it occurred to him, it was like, wow, like that was me being a dick and he got it. And so then he just started finding all like, and every other day I'm getting a call from him about, Hey, here's something that I did today. And I was a dick today. Here's what, here's what it looked

like. And it's really kind of changed his completely, completely changed his outlook on life. And also like how he's showing up he's more aware of what's going on which i think is so important now with what with what he's going through you know like he's he's uh he's going through so much with with uh the cancer that this is bringing a little bit of um you know i guess redemption or i don't know uh into his life so um so really the idea behind the book is not to give you a step-by-step process of how to be more grateful. We got enough of that. You know, there's, there's enough of that out there. What this is, is this is a reminder that the next time you're sitting at the doctor's

office, next time you're out for a walk, next time you're in your car, next time you're on social media or something like that, you will approach it a little differently. You'll remember a part of the story and you'll do something different than you would have done before. Yeah. And I, I, I would advise everybody that I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Cancer is the, cancer is the, is the one thing I hate more than probably anything in life. Even death, the cancer is just such an evil thing. And I, I hope your dad, um, um, I don't know. I hope your dad, I don't know, I hope your dad improves or things get better or his life, at least, you know, he can get through it. The, you know, in the darkest moments of my life, there's always been this little voice, and I don't know where I picked it up, but it always says that when I'm at my bottom, I always go, I should reach out and help somebody because I have nothing else

to give at that point. I'm at some sort of bottom, either emotionally or financially or, you know, different crises I've had in my life. And I started when I was very young. And, and it's a great moment when you have bottom and because you have nothing sometimes but kindness to give. And in the times that I've done that and I, and I haven't done it expecting a payout, but I've done it because I I'm feeling my humanity. I think at the most at that point, and I'm feeling my bottom at the most and there's nothing else I would

contribute, but to be kind or nice to someone. And a good friend of ours, Robert Scoble, he wrote at the beginning of the pandemic when everyone was just kind of in the shock phase, just the initial phase of lockdown, he wrote, there's two things you do right now. Either be a helper or find a helper. And that really helped get me out of my funk.

And I kind of had to fake it until I make it through a couple podcasts. Because I was like, well, what do I have? I have a podcast and I have an audience what assets do I have all right so they're probably struggling like I am and they're really having a hard time with this so I'm gonna try and be a helper even though I don't feel like a helper right now but I'm gonna try and be a helper because uh finding a helper isn't working for me right now because I just don't feel good. And so I'm like, I'm going to try and use the assets that I had from 2008 and the crisis of that recession to try and lift my audience. And so that's what I did. And after a

couple of shows of trying to go through the catharsis of all that, I, you know, I started lifting and I found new ways and new ways to program the show and different things and of course we've got much better uh well we don't have better guests but we've got a different format with really great people and educate minds now and and uh it the show's more about them than it is uh the old me and talking about tech and social media and that crap um but uh you know there were times in my life i remember there was one time where all of our billables this is back in the day with brick and mortar where all of our billables came in by mail and i was running our companies from nevada that were in utah and for

some reason i don't know why just like we've gone through like the worst accounts receivable ever and for some reason the money just wasn't showing up in the po box and uh and we you know we couldn't figure out what was going on you know it just i don't know you just we just hit like the skid and you know we've been in business for 13 years and i was uh you know paying all the bills doing all the payroll and everything and i was you know at the end of the day i was broke from the payout that would come to me. And I remember I was down to like my last, uh, like 20 or 30 bucks. And I, and I was really just, I I'm just like, I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean,

I already broke it a couple of days. Uh, and, um, I went, uh, to like a seven 11 in Vegas and I came around the side of the sevenven and there was a guy there who was homeless and he had all this stuff in a shopping cart, but he was reading the paper. You don't ever see homeless people reading the paper. He's reading it like you read the financial page, you know, you're like studying it. And he was reading the paper and something just hit me. Just like, give that guy some money. He really needs it. And it looks like he's educated.

Maybe he's falling on hard times. Give us some money. I'm like, why? I only got like 30 bucks or something left. I gave him 20 out of the 30, if I remember correctly. And I was just like, you know, fuck it. I'm paying it forward i i don't i'm we're just gonna throw it to the fucking universe right now i don't i don't i don't know if this

i'm gonna know if i meet top robin tomorrow i don't know what's gonna happen fuck it and i gave him 20 bucks and he was really surprised and and i i wished him well and i went about my day and and on the drive back you know my's going, you're a freaking idiot. Like, you're just dumb. And I'm like, I don't care, man. I just bladed out to the universe, whatever we will be. And you know what? The next day, P.O. Box came in with all the money.

It was like a flood of money that came in. Like, all the billables just came in and you know there's some people that subscribe to some sort of karma or religion or some sort of thing like that i don't believe in that i believe in the universe of chaos but but i felt that that got me out of my funk that day and i felt like a better human being. Like in my worst moment, my bottom, I gave back when I didn't have that much to give and I felt better. And that was probably great for me. And I hope it was good for him or did something for him, at least in that moment or for that day or however long you can make 20 bucks last on the street. You know,, that was just an example of, of where being a better person or, or giving something, especially at the moment when you, when you don't have anything else

to give or everything to lose, uh, being that better person is, uh, isn't, is a good move. Yeah. It's, it's, uh, I I'm with you in terms of like, I don't think that if you hand somebody 20 bucks, like, like, you know, all of a sudden something magic, you know, 40 shows up magically the next day. Like that just seems kind of silly to me. But I do believe that it changed your mindset. It changes the way that you show up. And whether it was a coincidence that the mailbox was full the next day or not, like, I think it's, I think it's somehow connected with how you show up the next

day. Like, like if it, if the mailbox wasn't full the next day, you would have figured out a way for it to be the day after because you're, you're showing up in a different way. You're not, you know, curled up in the fetal position, whining about how you only have 20 bucks left. You know, because you're, you're doing something about it. I think, I just think it's so incredibly valuable and, and, you know, to kind of approach life, especially now, especially when there's so many people that, that are, that, that have little or that are struggling. There's so much need out there and, and whether, you know, whether it means cutting a check or whether it means sharing your audience or sharing your advice or just showing up and being in the air for people to vent to. All of that is just being a dick. It's being somebody that, you know, like you don't have

to go pay off my mortgage to improve my life. And you don't even have to give me a nickel. Like all this stuff is free. It is free to be kind to somebody. It doesn't cost anything to be helpful. You know, you have a platform that you can, you know, that you can help somebody who's, who's in need. You've been through stuff that a lot of us haven't been through and you can, you know, that you can share. Even, even something as, as silly as, you know, posting videos of your dogs, you know, just improve somebody's life a little bit, you know, it takes their mind off of what's going on. Otherwise, you know, it's a little something different for them. So yeah, it's, it's like, that's the whole premise of this book. And it's the little things, it's the, it's, it's just the little things that make the biggest differences.

And you interpreted that perfectly of, of what that story is that I told is really about. It's, it made me feel different. It changed my paradigm at the time. And, yeah, I actually do that. You know that I do that on Facebook. There's some times where I'm going through my gaslighting and my triggering and I'm posting just all sorts of political stuff. And I'll remember people really like it when you post about the dogs, and we all need a freaking break. And sometimes I'm either really like it when you post about the dogs and we all need a freaking break.

And sometimes I'm either too lazy or whatever to post about the dogs or I'm like, it's, you know, for me, it's just, it's my dogs again today. Ooh, who cares? You know, but for a lot of people, it brings them a lot of inspiration. I think about the comments they make and we always like seeing your dogs. They make my day happier and people rent me in, you know, and and i'm like post some dogs and make the world a happier place and try and help people with you know they're you know they know all the other stuff from washington post and new york times whatever the hell's going on from any given day and uh yeah then i'll see the comments and i'll be like, you really need to try and do more of that. But yeah, I think it's great.

I think it's extraordinary points you're making in this book. And I like the spin you make on it to remind people about how, I mean, you have don't crossed out on the book. So it's kind of interesting. Technically, if you look at the cover of the book, it says don't be a dick, but then the don'ts crossed out. And we've explained what the play on that is. I think it's good because it gives them that trigger and that memory allocation it's it's it's also that that gentle reminder that uh it's not what you think um that it it it changes the like i want to change the paradigm i want to change what it means to be a dick um i want people to see it differently. And, and, and I want people to use

that. I want people to walk around, like, it's kind of like Google created their own word or whatever. I want to create my own meaning for this because, you know, I, I, I think that like, you know, when you talk about paying it forward or doing good deeds or whatever, it sounds like homework. When you talk about being a dick, it's like, you know, it gives it, it gives it some kind of personal attachment to it. It's, you know, you put, you know it gives it it gives it some kind of personal attachment to it it's you know you get to personalize it a little more and uh and and you know it it um and people gravitate towards it like i get stories i get emails and and messages um all the time about people now you know sharing stories about them being a dick or somebody that they met was a dick

and it's these little these little things that that um that really show up for them that, you know, gives them a reason to focus on it and remember it. It means something. This is a great time to reset, guys. Pick up his book. Give us your plugs one more time where people can find you on the interwebs and order the book up. Sure. So you can get everything you need from the book by going to Iwanttobeadick.com. I just have to laugh at that. Just extraordinary. But it's a great,

it's a great one of those sort of memes for your mind, if you will. And check it out guys, be a dick, how one person can change the world in the most unexpected way. You can get a hardcover paperback or Kindle from all your different formats and outlets out there. I think we have a shop called amazon.com forward slash shop forward slash Chris Voss. We'll have to add it on there or Amazon or any different booksellers. Check that book out.

I would encourage people right now is a good time to reset our brains to try and get back to a mode. There's a lot of discussion with politics of how we start listening to each other, caring about each other more, et cetera, et cetera, caring about other people more. You know, the interesting thing, kind of a concept on politics is, you know, we have these presidents sometimes every four to eight years. We have to live with each other for all of our lifetimes which usually is a lot more hopefully um and we should probably look at the long game i was reading an article recently of a gentleman i think it was in cnn or new york times uh but or wapo or pick a pick one but they were talking about how uh should should uh should we really tear up our families and throw people away over someone

who's going to be in office for 48 years? Is it really worth throwing away your whole family for the rest of your life? People that you've loved and cared for all your life. And that made me think about some different things, but you know, for the most part, be kinder to each other. It doesn't cost anything. Be nicer to each other. listen. It will probably improve your personal relationships, your loved ones, everything else, improve your interactions in life and be better human beings. So there you guys go. Thanks to Mark for being on the show with us. Thanks, Mark. Yeah, my pleasure. Happy to have you. There you go, guys. Be sure to check it out. You can also see the video version of this at

youtube.com for just Chris V voss hit that bell notification button it's free for an unlimited time you can also go to the cvpn.com subscribe to online podcast you can also go over to goodreads.com forward slash chris voss you can subscribe to oh you don't have to subscribe you can just follow me over there and see all the cool stuff we're talking about and go to facebook.com forward slash theast, TheChrisFossShow.com. Thanks to my audience. Wear your mask, stay safe, and we'll see you guys next time.