The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Bigger Better Braver by Nancy Pickard

Episode Date: May 14, 2022

Bigger Better Braver by Nancy Pickard In Bigger, Better, Braver, master integrative life coach Nancy Pickard challenges us with these life-altering questions: •Is there something you’d love to do but haven’t found the courage? •Do you want to give yourself over to the fullest possible experience of living? •Do you want to take a leap toward a bigger, better, braver life? Bigger Better Braver is a proven, step-by-step guide for uncovering and putting into action the vision we each have in our hearts to live the life we are meant to lead. Provided with clarity and enhanced with inspirational client and personal stories, it shows readers how to get unstuck from old ways of behaving and take bold steps toward something new and larger in their lives. The book is a journey in itself, as Nancy lays out time-tested tools to identify, face, and overcome shadow beliefs from childhood that hold us back, get free of the limits of our comfort zone, come to terms with and cultivate fear as a driving force for change, and discover the courage we already have to take bold steps into the future. She teaches how to be more present, use our intuition, and get out from under the daily restrictions of autopilot. She reveals strategies to stay the course, maintain low attachment to outcome, receive feedback, stay disciplined and responsible to ourselves, and learn what it means to practice acceptance and surrender. Ms. Pickard is testimony to her proven methods. She reinvented herself as a master life coach in her second half and at the age of 61, climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, experiences and achievements that recalibrated her way of being and became her vision for a bigger life. Not everyone must climb a mountain to live larger. As the book well shows, each of our versions of a bigger life can be anything that brings elation, accomplishment, fulfillment, and connection with the spirit of who we are. Bigger Better Braver provides the pathway to uncover our personal vision of what living bigger means and opens the door for a major life change.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. Get ready, get ready, strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain now here's your host chris voss hi folks this is voss here from the chris voss show.com the chris voss show.com hey we appreciate you guys tuning in today oh my gosh it's good to have you guys on the show. Thanks for being here. We certainly appreciate it. As always, hey, we just passed another million mark. If you missed

that, we missed that in the previous show. Blew through another million mark. There's over like, there's almost 24 million views on YouTube. So go over and watch all those channels. You can watch videos that go back to 2006 over there. It's freaking crazy. It's crazy to look back on. I'm tired already. I might need a nap after all these videos. So today, we want you to turn to your friend, your neighbor, your relative, I don't know, your dog, cat, and just say, have you subscribed to The Chris Voss Show?

You should do it because your life will be so much better. You'll be smarter. I'd be watching inane TV shows. I don't know, The Bachelor or, I don't know, some other show. There's much more better drama on the Chris Voss show and better looking people too, I should say.

I don't know if I can speak for myself. Anyway, guys, be sure to tell them to go to youtube.com for Jess Chris Voss. Hit the bell notification button. Go to goodreads.com for Jess Chris Voss. You can find my book and all the books you're reading over there. Also go to all the groups on Facebook,

LinkedIn, Twitter, all those crazy places the kids are playing. The big LinkedIn newsletter and the big 122're reading over there. Also go to all the groups on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, all those crazy places the kids are playing. The big LinkedIn newsletter and the big 122,000 LinkedIn group. Subscribe to that group. It's pretty fun over there. Today we have an amazing author and coach on the show. She's going to be talking to us about all the amazing thoughts and brilliant ideas in mind that she has because we need her here

because I'm clearly not covering any of that on this. I'm just the host. I'm just the idiot they put a mic in front of, and then we bring the smart people in to tell us what's going on. She is the author of the book, Bigger, Better, Braver. Came out July 14, 2020. Nancy Picard is on the show with us. She is a certified integrative coach through the Ford Institute for Transformable Training

and the 11 Life Coach Academy. She is certified as a breakthrough shadow coach, empowered parent coach, courage coach, healing your heart coach, leadership coach, holistic style coach, and bigger, better, braver coaching. She's author of the bestseller that we just talked about and uh she can help you conquer your fears embrace your courage transform your life and maybe she can tell me if this is infected or not this cut i got today welcome the show you you can do a lot of coaching there nancy welcome the show i do thank you very much i'm excited to be here there you go it seems like you should have one of those 70s coaching outfits with the headband and the velvet sort of jacket, maybe.

I don't know. Did you grow up in the 70s? I did. I did. I think I grew up in the 60s, actually. Oh, there you go. So give us your plugs, your.com, so people can find you on the interwebs. NancyPicardLifeCoach.com is my website.

And then Nancy Picard Life Coach is Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn as well. There you go. There you go. You put the book out in 2020, but you've done some extensive stuff. Give us a little bit of origin history on you, if you would. Maybe what got you here, what maybe got you into it? I used to own a personal training gym. So for 16 years, I was a trainer.

So I was working on the outsides of people. And I was married, I have two kids, perfect little life. And when that fell apart, I fell apart. So after 26 years of marriage, it really destroyed me. And I didn't have the tools or the strategies that I have now. And when I started working on myself, I actually decided that it was time for me to get back in the workforce and to do something. I was playing. I played for nine years after I got divorced and I wasn't working. I sold my gym and I just felt like I wasn't giving back. I wasn't doing enough. I had more gifts to give. And that's how I originally got into coaching. There you go. Yeah. And I have a

growth mindset. So you didn't even list all my, and I didn't even put them all down, but I keep getting more certifications and more certifications because it's just like more tools for me, more tools in my toolbox so I can help more people. So I love what I'm doing. And in 2000, I don't know what year it was, but five years ago, I was turning 60. And I thought, oh, my God, what a disgusting number that is. I have to do something outside my comfort zone just to let me know I still had it going on and I could still do big things. And so I trained and I went and I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. Yeah.

And that was huge. And I loved it. And it was definitely like an inspirational journey for me. But then I wanted to help other people like what's your Kilimanjaro? You don't have to climb 19,000 feet, but are you looking to get into a marriage or out of a marriage or a new job or move across the country or lose 50 pounds or whatever that looks like to you. My book was a step-by-step how to do that so that you don't have to, if you, listen, I love for people to hire coaches, but it's not for everybody and not everyone can afford to hire a coach.

So my book is actually a step-by-step how to do it on your own. And after you read the book and you do the exercises, if you're still not there, then you could hire a coach. So that's what that's all about. That's pretty amazing. You climbed Kilimanjaro at the age of 61. I'm 54. And I don't know, that makes me tired just thinking about it. It was great though. It really was great. But I love your analogy of how you spent the former part of your life working on people's outsides, and now you're working on the insides. What do you find people's biggest challenges or hang-ups are these days that a lot of your clients are struggling with that you help them with? Regardless of what somebody comes to me for, it's all about the disempowering beliefs from their childhood that they're not aware of.

They're called shadow beliefs. They're in your subconscious. We all have them. And they are there to protect us as children. But as an adult, they keep us plain. I'll give you some examples. Let's say you're an eight-year-old little boy. You stand up in class.

You spell something wrong. You spell something wrong. You say something wrong, and everybody laughs at you. In that instant, you decide, I'm stupid. I will stay quiet so no one will know. That protects you. Fast forward, you're now 30 or 40 years old. You're in corporate America, and you're in meetings, and you never share your anything. That's no longer serving you.

Now it's keeping you plain small. So all of these beliefs, I'm not worthy, I'm broken, I'm not lovable. I have to be perfect to be loved. I have to be, I have to control everything to be safe. I'll never be chosen. My needs don't matter. These are all examples of shadow beliefs that people are not aware of. But when they come to me, they're actually why they're playing small. So they have to uncover that first.

That's pretty amazing. Yeah, we all build those little like scotomas. I don't know if that would be a scotoma, but we build those little hangups. Sometimes we pick them up, I think, from parenting. Like your parents will, you want your kid, you want your mom to buy something for you at the store, and mom, buy this expensive cereal and stuff. And she said, we don't have enough money.

That's the excuse she gives you to get to not have to buy the sugar pops that'll bounce you off the walls. God bless mom. She didn't want to put up with that. And so she says, we don't have enough money or something. And you hear that often enough, and then you start repeating that in your head, and that becomes an identity thing, or like you say, a shadow thing. Yeah, we all have money stories. We all do. And what people don't realize is that your self-worth is actually tied to your net worth and vice

versa. So if you don't think you're worthy, then you're not worthy of going after the job. You're not worthy of saving your money. You're not worthy of asking for what you deserve for a raise or any of those things. It's very related. And we all have money stories. So that's one of the things I help people uncover is what's your money story? We all have it. Yeah. I know I'm unworthy of being loved. I'm a horrible person, but we all know that.

Enough to judge that. No, trust me. My audience knows. They've been following for 12 years. Right now, there's a whole echo of them going, yeah, he is horrible. But he's funny and interesting, too. I have people on Facebook. They'll tell me, Chris, the only reason we put up with you is you have really cute Siberian husks. I've got that going for me. But jokes aside, one of the shadow things I found I

had when I lost a bunch of weight was when I would go out to shop or go out to eat, I would spoil myself with a treat like a reward. And I would use food as a reward because my parents would use food as a reward. Hey, if you guys are quiet and if you're good in the store, you get a Snickers candy bar or something like that. And at 40 years old, 50 years old, even when I started doing vegan stuff, I would be so proud of being vegan stuff. I'd be like, I should probably buy a Snickers and a milkshake on the way out. And it was like food is reward. And so I had to unwire that whole shadow belief system to where food is not a reward food is for just keeping alive and and not much more than that at least in your family and your family it was always around food and holidays and food was a big part of all of our

childhood most of our childhoods so feeding ourselves ourselves feels like home. So you coach a lot on a lot of different things. Let's see, we've got, there was a powered parent coaching, a courage coach, healing your heart. Do you deal with people that maybe you're dealing with a heartbreak and issues with? Yeah, healing your heart is about any kind of loss. So loss of a if only that, but they're really the victim in their story. And I help people see that everything is a co-creation. And sometimes it's just even your shadow beliefs that you have that attract those people into your life because our shadow beliefs, our ego wants to be. So whatever your limiting beliefs are, your ego wants to prove you're right.

So if you think you're not worthy, you attract people in your life. They're going to prove to you you're not worthy. And you're going to say, see, look, I knew I wasn't worthy. So you collect the proof, the validation for that. Yeah. For all your limiting beliefs. Yeah. People do that.

And it's interesting. I've always been curious how people can take one little belief and then your brain goes, oh, that's what you want to believe? If you want to believe that all the government officials are Martians or lizard people, right? You make that one statement or belief in your head. And your brain goes, oh, this is what you want to believe? And it goes, okay, we'll build a whole system of every time we see, I don't know,

something that tells us that the politician is alien. Oh, clearly they're alien. Oh, see, that's an alien look right there. They'll build a whole belief system where you'll have five tons of proof around whatever sort of crazy stuff you did. This is how people work. So you have to go in and you have to find that original lie i think sometimes disable it yeah because that's the lens that

you see everything your ego wants to be and so it really only sees that when you uncover the belief and you give yourself a new empowering belief you actually it's almost like all of a sudden everything is 3d you can see things as they are and not just through the lens of your disempowering thoughts and beliefs. I remember Tony Robbins talking about this. He talked about how, I think he talked about it with the reticular acting system, the brain, he called it. But when you, like when you first buy a car, like I buy a black BMW. When you first start driving that around other black bmws everywhere you just like suddenly start noticing them and it's your brain also validating like

you're a smart person like you say feeding that ego going you're a smart person look at all the other smart people like you no it's true very true yeah or you have a tragedy in your life and all of a sudden out of the woodwork you hear how, oh my God, I know this person who had that same thing. I know this person. It's just, you get whatever you think about is what you attract. So you get what you think about. That's why I try to get people to think positively because if you think negatively, the only thing I can tell you for sure is you're going to get it. So let me ask you this.

You've mentioned the word victimization once or twice. We live in a victimization society. Like everyone's hustling to be the biggest victim these days, especially if you go on Twitter and social media. I'm a victim of, I don't know, some sort of microaggression. Someone, I don't know, cut me off in traffic and I'm scarred, which happened to me today. That's why I'm bringing her up. But is that one of our biggest problems that you see is that we think sometimes we disempower ourselves by being a victim. We totally disempower ourselves by being a victim. But a lot of times when something happens, like one partner wants out of a marriage and the other partner does, you lose your job or somebody gets, you get passed over. It's very easy to see yourself as the victim in the story. This is happening to me. What we don't really realize

is that life happens for us. There's something we need to be learning. There's somebody else we need to be with. There's a different job that we need. We don't, we're not the general manager of the world and we can't see the big picture. You can think about rejection as protection and there's something better coming down the pike. We just don't know that. And so we see ourselves as the victim. But if you actually work with somebody to see that you're not the victim, you co-created it, then you get to see, oh, wow. Okay.

So what do I need to learn here? What can I do differently? So next time I'm not here again? Like, I don't want to be here again. So what can I learn so I'm not here again? Well, that makes a lot of sense. I just connected what you said earlier about how we do things to support our ego. Once we get an ego of a victimization mindset, I see people all that all the time. Everything is a victim.

They're being victimized from everything and everyone right and it's disempowering because you can't have empowerment and you can't be successful at something if you're a victim i guess you're a successful victim i don't know you can create a super pack for that or something and some billboards but it's something that people don't realize you're like hey we want to be empowered but uh we also want to be a victim. And you're like, you can't really do both of those at the same time. You have to go forward. You talk about embracing courage, and courage, I think maybe might be a big sort of word that you love. Let's talk about that. I think that you need to embrace courage because people

are stuck because of their fears. And I think that those that are not moving forward and are stuck, they think that other people are fearless. And that if only they didn't have these fears, they too could be successful. But the reality is those that are successful have learned how to harness their fears and move forward anyway. If I'm walking down the street and it's dark out and I'm walking through an alley and I'm scared, yes, hello, listen, that's good fear. But if my imposter syndrome mind is saying, oh, you can't do that, sorry, you're not big enough for that, those are the're not big enough for that.

Those are the fears I have to move forward. I have to get a drink. You can talk for a second. No problem. No problem at all. Imposter syndrome, too, is a thing I hear a lot of people struggling with nowadays, where, you know, they're always just fake it till you make it. You have to fake being confident.

You have to program yourself to be confident. I had to fake being an entrepreneur. I had no idea what I was doing when I started. A lot of parents don't, they don't have a whole lot of training when they become parents. So you have to fake it till you make it. If you ever make it, do you ever make it as a parent? It's a tough job. It's a tough job. And those kids tend to grow up. So they bring new challenges to teenage them. But is imposter syndrome a big thing these days? I think imposter syndrome is always there because our wounded child wants to keep that's inside of us, wants us to stay small. So it's the same thing. It's just the fears and the disempowering beliefs that are basically saying no. Like it's cognitive dissonance.

Your brain loves what it already knows. So it doesn't matter if what you're doing, you're not successful. It's like, all right, I know this. I've survived this. I can survive this again. You'll see people that have an alcoholic father and they end up with an alcoholic husband and or they become an alcoholic. It's not because they want that, but it's what their brain knows and their brain's comfortable with it. So back to the fears, we all have fears. But if you can utilize that fear, like when I'm afraid to do something, when I'm given an opportunity to do something that's outside my comfort zone, I basically know that fear is a good feeling because on the other side of that is going to be growth. So I do always step in. And even if I'm afraid, I step in. And even if I fall, I fall forward.

And that's what people who are stuck on the couch don't understand. Those of us who have become successful, it's not like it's a one and done. It's not like we are fearless and it's not like we don't also fall. But we just stay in the game. That's the main difference. Showing up is half the battle. So when people used to ask me, they go, how come you're successful? I go, I show up every day and I don't take vacations. After a while, I started taking vacations.

But you touched on something that was interesting about how the child within us wants to stay small. Tell us a little bit about that because that's interesting to think about. I think after your childhood, you got lessons and thoughts from your family, from your siblings, from your teachers, maybe from religious people in your life. And it's all about what you should and shouldn't do. And so as children, we get smaller and we actually disown certain qualities. Oh, it's not good to be a liar. It's not good to be a cheater. It's not good to be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's one of the ways that we make our lives smaller. And then we get triggered by people who have those qualities that we don't see in ourselves.

And so we're getting triggered and activated all over the place where, I mean, I'm going off on another topic, but that's one of the things that's in our subconscious that we're not aware of that keep us small. But so as children, all of these disempowering beliefs, they're actually made to help us so we don't get hurt or we don't get yelled at or we don't get punished. We don't get sexually abused. All these things that happen to people. I have so many clients that have been

sexually abused as young children who are now 300 pounds or anorexic because their belief is that I need to be invisible to be safe. Yeah. A lot of people that are overweight and in rehabs have usually some sort of sexual trauma in their childhood. It's really, I can't even believe how many people I know who I work with who have had some sort of sexual trauma. And so you, as a child, you have shadow beliefs that are made to keep you small so that won't keep happening. And they'll keep you out of relationships too. You'll never be able, you'll have a hard time trusting people. It's, we've had so many brilliant people like you and psychologists on the show and great authors. And there's been a theme throughout it that I've learned from being able to sit front row. And there's been a theme throughout it that I've

learned from being able to sit front row. And it's amazing how much our childhood traumas and childhood scars haunt us for a lifetime. It's just amazing how much of that there is. And you can really sometimes see the arc of people's lives based upon that trauma. When I help people uncover their shadow beliefs, they're like, oh my God, that makes so much sense. And then they can track it down. When I was five years old, I was playing with a lighter and I put myself on fire. Oh no.

And yeah, and I'm fine. I don't even have any scars on my body, but I burnt my whole body. And I never really thought about it because I didn't even get in trouble because I was in the hospital. So my parents felt bad, all of that. But fast forward 45 years later, when I was divorced and I felt very unsafe alone and I was in a car accident and I did some shadow work with a coach. And what came up was that this little girl inside of me was triggered by the car accident and she wanted me to know I wasn't safe alone. And when I put them together, I thought, oh my God, that makes so much sense. You're able to put yourself on fire. That was a brilliant thing to come up with.

But as a 45 year old who's now divorced and should be happy alone. And I was successful and financially secure and my kids were raised and all of that stuff. I still was so unhappy and so upset. And it was only because of that little girl inside of me. It's amazing. And the sad part is most people don't figure this out till late in life. Like I did about 45 to 50. I started really looking back at my life. And you sometimes have such a trail of destruction that you've left behind.

You've done a lot in life, but then you look back and go, I could have done some things better. And there's a pattern there of me being a jerk. And then you can go, oh, I think I know what that's been going on. Yeah. And it comes from childhood. Oopsie. My bad. And you can change it.

See, the beauty is you don't have to. It's a choice, right? Yeah. You're responsible for your own choices. So once you figure that shit out, you can actually do something about it. Yeah. And it's better late than never to figure stuff out. And somebody asked me one time, they go, if you go back and talk to your teenage self,

what would you talk to him about? People are like, tell him to invest in Bitcoin or something like that. And then what? Really? Yeah, that would be a bad idea. The,

mine, mine is go see a psychiatrist, man. Go see a psychiatrist. I had horrible ADHD as a child. Horrible. I would check the doors like 20 times a night, see if they were locked.

My, my brother would wash his hands till they bleed. We both had really bad ADHD. And so it would be like, go see a psychiatrist. But I don't know. There's the other turn of that. I have the CEO's disease, the ADHD. So it made me an incredible entrepreneur, but also a very destructive and insane entrepreneur i don't know somewhere in

there i lived which is amazing when you really think about some of my adventures i don't look back and think that i wish i'm not saying i'm not a perfect human being not like i'm saying i wish i could change this i could change this i could change this but at the end of the day it's who you are today it's what made you who you are today. If you wish those things didn't happen, you wouldn't be who you are today. That's true. And I don't know, there's always a dichotomy. I get in conversation with people, where people are like, I go, would you go back and change anything if you could? And they'll be like, no. And I'm like, I don't know. I think I would. Not everything, but maybe some things I'd tinker with. But I don't know. It's one of those things everything, but maybe some things I'd tinker with.

But I don't know. It's one of those things. Because, you know, some people always tell me I have the greatest life I could ever have. And I'm like, how do you know? Couldn't be better. Maybe you could have been better if you'd done some different stuff. I'm not saying you should get depressed and victimized and want to go take yourself out. And you don't want to get depressed and be like, I could have done better. It's a fun thought to entertain where you're like, I don't know, what if I hadn't been such a dick?

So there you go. There's something else here on your sheet that I was going to say. How about just do better now? Exactly. Good, good call. Good, good call. See, this is why you're coaching. I'm not.

Let's see. You also talked about, let's see, setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. That's a really important thing that I've been focusing on getting better at. I think I always have been, but mostly it's just, oh, you're a pain in the ass, get the hell out of my life. But setting healthy boundaries so maybe you don't have to get right to that point. Let's talk about that because I think a lot of people struggle. Yeah. So there's two kinds of setting boundaries. Some are just the boundaries that you need to set with yourself. What will you or will you not tolerate in yourself anymore? How many times are you going to start a

diet or say you're going to meditate or say you're going to not binge eat or binge drink or binge watch Netflix or whatever? So it starts with setting healthy boundaries with yourself. What can you do in your life that you can finally say, all right, enough, I'm not going to do this anymore. Or I'm going to turn off my cell phone at night, or I'm going to only, I'm going to put on a timer and I'm only going to what, look at social media for an hour. Like whatever those things are, I'm not going to drunk phone call, whatever we all have our, we all have our things, right? Yeah. And so that's one thing. But the other thing is that if you're angry or you're depressed or you're overwhelmed

or you have any of those feelings going on, then there are boundaries that are being crossed. And you need to figure out what they are. So there could be boundaries at work. There could be boundaries with your partner. There could be boundaries with your partner. There could be boundaries with your children, with your friends. So I help people, number one, see where the anger and the frustration and the overwhelm is coming from. And then where do you need to set boundaries? And then I help them set boundaries.

And a really good script to use is, I feel X, so I'm making it about me. I feel sad. I feel angry. I feel disappointed. I feel disrespected. When you do, why? Would you be willing to do?

I feel disrespected when you leave your clothes on the floor. Would you be willing to put them in the hamper? Or I feel disrespected when you leave your clothes on the floor. Would you be willing to put them in the hamper? Or I feel disrespected when we're on a group Zoom call and you talk over me. Would you be willing to wait till I stop talking? I feel disrespected or I feel afraid when you have more than two drinks at night. Would you be willing to stop at two drinks? And then you have to have the plan B because if the person says yes and doesn't do it

or even just says no, you have to have a plan B. Okay, so in order to honor and respect myself, when you have more than two drinks, I'm going to sleep alone in the bedroom. And then if you don't follow through, it's you who's crossing your own boundary because they didn't set the boundary. You did.

So that's basically it. You figure out where your boundaries are being crossed, where you need to set them. You use that script because it puts it on you instead of the other person. If I just say to you, I feel really sad when you do such and such, I'm not making it that you're a bad person, but this is how I'm interpreting. This is what's making me feel sad. Most definitely. When you do this. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's really important to analyzing it down, those boundaries.

A lot of people don't know how to set them. And then by the time they try and set them, things are so out of control, you can't. Are afraid to set them, things are out of control. You can't. They're afraid to set them. They're evil pleasers, conflict avoiders, overdoers. They have the shadow belief that either their needs don't matter or they need to please everyone to be loved. If you have a belief that you need to please everyone to be loved, you're not going to set boundaries because you don't make your needs a priority. Yeah. Yeah. And people don't get how that's,

and some of that comes from trauma. From these beliefs, but we're also afraid that if I set this boundary, he or she is going to leave. We have these kinds of beliefs. And so we put up with long-term discomfort instead of just putting up with a little short-term discomfort

of asking for what we need or thinking that people, if he loved me, he'd know what I need. That's not true. You don't even speak up on what you need. How is he supposed to really know what you need? People can't read minds. People can't read minds. And if you don't make your needs a priority, you cannot expect anybody else to do that. Most definitely. You talk about getting out of autopilot, living in the present. That was a problem I had up until I think about 50, or at least it got really bad for me after my dog passed away, where ADHD and my brain waves just really started having

the best of me in depression. And I couldn't be present. And I was having trouble where my dogs would be with me and I would be petting them, and I'm like, I'm still not here. I'm not here. Like, I can't be here. And I'd be just locked into all this noise in my head. I don't know if you want to touch on that a bit. Sure. Emotional autopilot, there's two kinds of autopilot.

Some autopilot we all have and we all need. You get in the car and you drive, and you don't even remember getting there or i couldn't ski down a mountain i couldn't run you need your body needs to move on autopilot but emotional autopilot is that we're numbing out we're not aware of our feelings we don't want to feel the pain that's what you're talking about and you overeat, you overdo social media, you watch whatever your thing is, you over shop, there's a million, you over have sex, there's a million things that people can do to not feel. And so I help people get mindful of where they're in autopilot, right? What are your go-to bad habits that you do so you don't have to feel? And then we work backwards and we do actionable steps. If you're a mindless eater, you can make an action step that you're not going to eat in front of the TV.

Or you're going to use chopsticks for a week or two until you get control of how you're eating. Or you don't bring things in the house that you're not going to eat. To get mindful, you actually have to get present with what's going on. Like, why am I not feeling? Why am I shut down? You have to ask yourself those questions or you'll stay in autopilot. So you knew. Depression's a tricky thing because i always think about depression as you're on the wizard of oz with the poppy fields and this calls you like come take a nap fall asleep it's going to be so wonderful that's like how depression feels it like just it called your name to come lie down nothing and it's addicting. That feeling is addicting.

And so it's like you have to be ready to snap out of it and recognize that this is just not healthy for me. And what can I do? It's big. A big part of getting out of autopilot is becoming the observer instead of the reactor to what's going on in your life. Observing it. Oh, wow. Look at me. I've been watching five shows. I got to turn off that TV and why am I doing that? Or why am I overeating or over drinking or over shopping or overspending? You got to catch yourself first and then try to dig down to see why. But in the meantime, just come up with actionable steps to stop the thing you're doing. Yeah. Yeah, definitely really important. Let's see. What else have we touched on? You want to tease out about

the... What did you say? What else did I want to talk about that's in the book? Yeah. Tease out about the book or some of the other work you do that people do. Sure. I have an online course, Bigger, Better, Braver, that goes with the book. And it's very independent. It's evergreen. You can buy the course and do it on your own. I also do group coaching with that. I do group coaching on boundaries and other certifications. And I have a new course on Gen Connect You, which is for women entrepreneurs. And it's tips and strategies for living your most purposeful life. And it's like Bigger, Better, Braver,

but it goes way more into boundaries and self-sabotage. We all have our own recipe for self-sabotage. And that's another thing, like If you're in autopilot, you're not even noticing where you're sabotaging. That's true. You've got to figure out what your own recipe is for self-sabotage so you can stay out of autopilot

and you can stop sabotaging yourself. Then you have some things in the book too, an 11-week step-by-step course. Yeah. The book is actually now a 12-week course because I added boundaries and self-sabotage, but the course follows each chapter of the book because each chapter of the book is how to figure out what your vision is. What do you really want and not just what other people think you should want. So that's part of it. How to get beyond your fears, how to have a safety net

so you don't just jump without. We're not Peter Pan. We actually do need to know more information before we take that leap. But it's all about how to do all those things and how to have a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset, which is a fixed mindset. You're not going to try anything that you don't think you're going to be good at. And so from that end of things, you do very little, right? If I can't be perfect, I don't want to do it. Yeah. It's interesting how some people, when they want to start a business or like a lot of friends are like, I want to start my own business.

And you're like, okay, we'll go start it. No, I have to wait until everything's perfect. I have to wait until everything's perfect. Or maybe I'll start a relationship because I'm working on myself. For me, I'm not married because I can't afford the divorces. I'm still saving up for the divorces. We do the comedy here. I have something to say once.

Oh, there's a lot of women in this town. I'm sure your ex-wife is here somewhere. I've actually dated women who have gone to my house and I give them the house tour and they're going, oh, yeah, can I be your first ex-wife? I'm like, there's a line. There's that. Anything more you want to touch on before we go out? No, I think you hit pretty much. What's the best way for people to reach out to you and get to know you better and ask for your help? I do free discovery calls. So all you have to do is you're going to have the

links in your show note, but my website, nancypicardlifecoach.com, I have a button for free discovery calls. That's actually the best way to see whether or not we're a good fit, whether I can help you, whether somebody else can help you that I could set you up with that would better serve you than I am or I do. And that's where to start. And buy my book. There you go. My book. There you go.

Buy the book wherever fine books are sold. It's the cheapest way to get help. There you go. It's been wonderful to have you on, Nancy. Give us your.com so people can find you on the interwebs one more time. And, of course, like you mentioned, they will be on the podcast. nancypicardlifecoach.com There you go.

And thanks to my audience for tuning in. Thanks for you, Nancy, for being here. We certainly appreciate it. Thanks for having me. There you go. Go to youtube.com, Fortune's Christmas. Hit the bell notification button. Go to goodreads.com, Fortune's Christmas.

All the groups on Facebook, LinkedIn, all those crazy places the kids are playing. Thanks for tuning in. Be good to each other. Stay safe. And we'll see you guys next time.