The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Chasing Shadows: Fighting the Monster Within by Justin Brien

Episode Date: October 20, 2023

Chasing Shadows: Fighting the Monster Within by Justin Brien https://amzn.to/3S6BIpG This is a book about recovery, redemption, overcoming obstacles, and loss. It highlights struggles with mental health, substance use, and suicidality. It will take you through the journey of one man's struggle to find inner peace as he chases a dark path of loneliness. Battling his own mental health demons and substance use, he embarks on a path that leads him down a hole of pain, becoming suicidal and being lucky to live and tell his story. He was able to turn his life around when one day, sitting in his basement suite alone facing the decision of suicide or help, he comes to realize his WHY to live. He finally finds the strength to ask for help and step out of the shadows. It will teach you strategies on how to cope with your mental health and deliver you tangible takeaways to start to become your Strongest Version. Full of life lessons, poor choices and grief, you will see how to break through struggle and create the future you desire while building a stronger mindset. It will illuminate the power of acceptance and forgiveness and how they work for you. Justinbrien.com Here are some key points from the podcast transcript: Justin Brien had a tough childhood - his parents divorced when he was young, he was bullied, and he struggled with undiagnosed ADHD. This led him to have low self-esteem and turn to alcohol later in life. Justin became an alcoholic and his addiction caused him to lose important relationships and hit rock bottom. On January 4, 2019 he finally got sober. Justin has now written a book called "Chasing Shadows: Fighting the Monster Within" which details his struggles with addiction and mental health issues. The book includes reflection questions to help readers improve their own lives. Justin is now a motivational speaker, transformational coach, and mental health advocate. He wants to help others, especially men, feel comfortable asking for help with their mental health. Justin believes it's important for men to get in touch with both their masculine and feminine sides - to be strong protectors but also show compassion. He works with clients as a transformational life coach, offering courses and 1-on-1 coaching to help people achieve the future they envision. Justin stresses the importance of self-love, building a support network, and realizing that change is possible. His story demonstrates that you can come back from rock bottom if you commit to growth. In summary, Justin Brien has turned his life around after addiction and mental health struggles, and now helps others improve their lives through motivational speaking, coaching, and advocacy. His book and message aim to inspire people to confront their inner demons, ask for help when needed, and believe they can change.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready, get ready, strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. This is Voss here from thechrissvossshow.com, thechrissvossshow.com. Welcome to the big show, my family and friends. We certainly appreciate you guys having you here and being a part of the big show. If it wasn't for you guys, what would we do with our spare time?

We just, I don't know, we'd sit at the bar drinking or something. So, ladies and gentlemen, we have the most amazing author on the show joining us. He's going to inspire you to talk about mental health and being a professional executive coach and how to really improve your life. And I think his story is going to resonate with you. And if not,

well then, go listen to the show again because you probably missed something. In the meantime, or for the show, your family, friends, and relatives, go to goodreads.com, Fortress Chris Voss, linkedin.com, Fortress Chris Voss.mas subscribe the big linkedin newsletter it's so popular go to uh youtube.com for just christmas and christmas one on the tickety-tockety over there so there you go uh justin bryan joins us today he's an author motivational speaker transformational coach and mental health advocate which is the opposite of what I do.

I'm a mental health broken individual. So he's going to advocate for us and we're going to learn some stuff from him. His newest book came out May 24th, 2023, Chasing Shadows, Fighting the Monster Within, which is what I do on Fridays. So there you go. You can pick it up wherever fine books are sold. Justin is a mental health advocate, inspirational speaker, professional executive coach, and also he is a loving husband and father of two amazing kids.

He enjoys coaching his son in all sports he plays in and spending time with his family. He loves to play hockey and is an avid fitness fan. He believes that the power of sharing your story can help those who struggle ask for help and realize they're not alone. And that's one of the things we talk about on the Chris Voss Show. We're story collectors here and stories are the author's or the owner's manual to life. So, you know, most people don't get an owner's manual. Stories are the way we share, inspire each other And we learn from each other Welcome to the show, Justin, how are you?

I'm doing well, man Thank you so much for having me on this show Thanks for coming, it's an honour to have you as well Give us your dot com So people can find you on the interwebs You can find me at justinbrien.com That's J-U-S-T-I-N-B-R-I-E-N Dot com It's like

O'Brien, but without the O. There you go. And are you Canadian? I am Canadian as you can probably tell when it says I play hockey. Yeah, the hockey was the tip off, but yeah, it's the O. It picks up when you probably say a boot, it'll get really

heavy. I love our Canadian friends. You guys are the nicest people up there north of the thing. We try to. I think it's because you're hanging out with all the moose up there. I mean, that's what it is. They're pretty docile until you piss them off. I've seen that. So anyway, give us a 30,000 overview of your book,

Chasing Shadows, Fighting the Monster Within. Well, as you can probably tell by the title, you know, I was fighting a monster within. You know, I grew up with very low self-esteem, low self-worth, low self-confidence, and that just transpired into substance use from drugs and alcohol to battling with my mental health, being diagnosed with depression, clinical depression, which is

like a major depression, anxiety, ADHD at 30 years old. And I didn't get diagnosed till later in my life. So I didn't even know I had all these things. But it ultimately led me to becoming suicidal for six straight years. You know, I tell people it's not like I wanted to die, but I wanted that pain to end. And I didn't know what that pain was. And it was that pain of me not liking myself, the pain of guilt and shame, the things that I was doing. And, you know, I ended up putting it in into a book. And the book walks people through my life, my life through substance use. But then what I learned and how I how what I did I did to get sober. Like I lost, I lost my family.

My, my girlfriend left me with my son at six months old. Cause I started hitting the bottle hard again. And I was in no shape to get around. I, I, I don't blame her. Right. She did what she needed to do. And that was leave me. And then I, I really started to go down and I'm very lucky to be alive.

I woke up one, one day and, you know, there was blood in my bed and pulled back the sheets and, you know, there was a knife and I don't remember doing any of that. Wow. I remember being very fortunate to be here a couple of times. I blacked out when I drank and, you know, I went through rehab a couple of times, but I just, I kept saying that I could do this. I could do this alone. I can, you know, I can have rehab a couple of times, but I just, I kept saying that I could do this. I could do this alone. I can, you know, I can have one.

I could just have that one. I proved it time after time that I couldn't have one and that I needed that help. And then, you know, finally at January 4th, 2019, I found myself sitting, sitting downstairs in my bed or in my living room. I had tinfoils on my windows and i started looking around i saw saw pictures of my son i saw his toys in the corner and um i just started thinking man man justin you got two choices here pal like you can either you know go get help or or you can end it and you know that day i phoned my mom and i said, you need to take me to the hospital.

So she took me to the hospital. And my dad to my left, me and my mom in front of me and counselor to the right. It was the first time I admitted out loud that, you know, if I was going to continue to feel the way that I did, that I had a plan. And that plan was to end it. And on that day of January 4th, 2019, you know, I've been sober ever since. And I actually got back together three years later with with my son's mother and we have another baby girl and that's all ended up going back to school at 30 oh geez 33 30 34 to be a coach a speaker and all of a sudden i decided to put everything i learned into a book. That book goes over my life, what I did, but it's not just a book. It's a workbook.

There are questions at the end of every single chapter. Okay. It asks you thought-provoking questions. It really inspires you to transform, inspires you to make the changes that you need to make. I broke it into three different parts. I have life during alcohol, life life after alcohol and then learning lessons and learning lessons you got your knees um chase how to make choices how your choices can affect you building a support network um and like how self-love is best love how change is actually possible so in those chapters it actually gives you more questions to ask yourself so it is

essentially an autobiography chocked full of learning lessons that goes over mental health it goes over substance use goes over the stages of substance use um and it really just i try to get you to grow i want you to answer the questions when you go through the book even if you don't if you think you don't struggle you can pick up on something i remember um listening to Grant Cardone's book, 10X, I think it's called. And he says the difference between rich people and poor people is that a rich person will read the book and say, I got one thing out of it. A poor person will read the book and say, I got one thing out of it. Now, I want you to read this book.

And if you're not struggling with your mental health or if you don't struggle with mental substance use, you will still get one thing out of it. Try to do one question. And then maybe that will open up you into a whole new world of, hey, actually, I might need to make a change here. Maybe there is something that's bothering me. Maybe there's an underlying trauma or relationship that I need to mend, I need to build on. So if you can, even if you don't struggle that i mean one out of five one out

of eight people around the world struggle with mental illness and one out of five will have a mental health episode at some point in their life so that's like one of your friends one of your family members one out of the five of those will have a mental health episode so it really introduces you into mental health you know what what substance disorder use disorder is and then really gets you to look deep inside and maybe there's a change I need to make. Most definitely. So tell us about your upbringing.

Was there some trauma in your life? What caused you to turn towards, you know, some of these self-destructive ways, depression? Was there some triggers in your childhood that caused this? Well, growing up, you know, I think when I look back on it now, I think I had ADHD as a kid. I got diagnosed at 30. So I was always acting out. I was trying to be the funny man.

I was trying to be liked and noticed by everybody. And, you know, I was putting myself into a lot of trouble. I get suspended, right? I've used things, but I got good grades good grades right i was on the honor roll and um people liked me but i didn't like me uh however there's one one spot that really kind of i was kind of bullied um by my friends but not in order to hurt me but you know i was picked on a lot because you know i was voted in school most likely to make a girl faint on cue so i dressed nice right and since i acted out a lot you know people call me flamboyant so people would actually make fun of me a lot and you know it wasn't to i don't think directly hurt me hurt me

because they're my friends but you know it started to get to me and i started to make my that my identity i started to believe it wow. Justin, you are that guy. But at 10 years old, I remember driving with my stepdad and my stepbrother, and he looked at me and he says, Justin, would you fight your stepbrother? I'm like, yeah, for sure. Well, all of a sudden, the vehicle veered off the road

and he looked at me and he's like, alright, get out. You can fight him right here. Now, I looked at him and I just put my head down and I was, I didn't know what to say. You know, I was lost. I was confused. And I put my head down. I got scared and I told him, just take him home.

And that was the first time I ever felt powerless in my life. But it wouldn't be the last. You know, I was, I was whipped so hard one time in PE class by a guy, and I got a bruise and I started to bleed. I was so mad, but I was so scared of people back then. I was smaller. I was a late bloomer as well, and this guy was bigger than me. I watched him fight a couple times in high school,

so I didn't do anything. I felt powerless again. Then I was trying out for hockey teams, and I got cut from a few. I felt powerless again. And then I was trying out for hockey teams and I got cut from a few and, you know i i found what alcohol gave me gave me confidence self-esteem self-worth where i realized everything was giving me was fake and then all of a sudden everything as soon as started take away from me was very real lost relationships jobs lost self-respect lost son lost partner right and it's uh and it took me a long time to get that back in my life and really take back that control of, you know what, Justin, you aren't your thoughts. You're not your past. You have more worth than you think.

And to really change those beliefs that, you know, what happened to me as a kid is I wasn't in charge or I wasn't responsible for that. But I'm now responsible for how I react to that. You know, my parents got split up at eight years, when I was eight years old. And, you know, I eventually went to live with my dad because I didn't get along with my stepdad. When I look back, you know, he was drinking a lot and it was around my dad.

Your dad or your stepdad? My stepdad. And, you know, you getdad, my stepdad. And, you know, you get memories, you get flashbacks that, you know, you kind of see that the verbal abuse, you know, he went through.

And I remember one time I was sleeping in my bed and my mom crawled into my bed. My mom opened my door, crawled in my bed and looking at her and she's scared. And then my door opened again and it was my stepdad and he's, he's getting in. And I just sat there and I stared back at again and it was my stepdad and he's he's peeking in and i just sat there and i stared back at him and i didn't move i guess i was thinking i dare you to come in wow so so it sounds like you know adhd um you're talking to somebody who had it pretty severely too in my youth um usually it stems uh sometimes from trauma and uh you know you're you're acting out you're you're you're looking for attention and stuff

do you think that maybe when your parents got divorced that had an effect on you that uh how long was it before your um stepfather got it came into the picture too by the way not very long after that huh interesting because when a man loses a father it's it's a it's a big deal it's bigger for a daughter but at a young age you know parents getting separated there's anxiety was it me you know I'm not saying that's what you felt but I'm just kind of curious if you think maybe that contributed to some of the issues you were having and how you were trying to overcompensate as a child. Because we don't know how to deal with it. We're not built to deal with it at eight years old.

No, and you know what? I didn't get along with my stepdad. He was completely different. Don't get me wrong. He taught me how to – I built a house with him. He took me camping. We did rentals together. Like he taught me how to dirt bike and snowmobile. So there were some good times.

Yeah. Like he wasn't, he had his issues. Right. And I have nothing against him. Yeah. Um, it's just, he was doing the best he could with what he knew at that time, but he was dealing with his substance use for sure. Yeah.

Most parents are, they're doing the best they can. Even, even our natural born parents are doing the best they can. But there is something about that shock and trauma and divorce at losing your father. And, and, and, um, were you the oldest child? Yeah. Well, you know, I had an older brother, half brother, but I still barely, barely know him. So you were the second child who's looking for attention. I hated getting dropped off.

I'd see my dad every couple weeks on the weekend. I hated getting dropped off. Me and him had a lot in common. We loved sports. He would take me to hockey because he knew he had to. I guess he didn't have to, but he still chose to take me. Me and my dad,

we had the same likes and loves. we got along and we watched hockey together like we we just bonded we had that a little more a connection so i hated being dropped off and you know eventually i went to go live with my dad yeah at 12 years old i'm like you know i'm out of here i think i need to i need to go live with him. And I did live with him. And, you know, growing up is I got a lot of things that I wanted. You know, I got to play sports. I got to play baseball, hockey. I played volleyball and soccer and school and basketball. And, fortunate that I started seeing a counselor again because he finally looked at me and said, Justin, you didn't get the love and connection you needed as a kid. Yep. And I looked at him like, man, don't bring my parents into this. I'm like, don't blame them for my choices. It's not about blame though. It's not about blame. People are doing the best they can, but recognizing that it had an impact is the key.

So he said to me, he's like, Justin, I'm not trying to blame them. Yeah. He's like, but you didn't get the loving connection that you needed as a kid. And so that actually opened up a whole new room. I got to walk into this room. And when I walked into that room, I actually phoned my dad. I'm like, listen, I'm like, this is what this is what this counselor said and he's like you know what Justin he's like you know you probably didn't he's like I should have said I loved you more I should have picked you up more

um he's like I I finally learned this past summer when I was writing my book no just before that sorry before I finished my book I got to put it in because I opened up that door because I went to ask for help again just to stay up front. I don't want to go backwards. I have been backwards. I don't like backwards. I mean, sometimes I'll fall a little bit, but I'm going to get myself back out of it or I'll ask for help. So I did. And he said that and it opened up the door to that.

And I found out that my dad is an army brat and he was at 16 his parents were he watched them fight and he's like maybe i use substances too much but i didn't have the guidance i didn't get the guidance i needed i didn't and there's there's a loss too there's a grieving thing and a reaction to the grieving when a loss so in the divorce you know suddenly you know this person who's your father you look up to, you know, suddenly, you know, this person who's your father and you look up to, and you know, that thing that, you know, father, son relationship, you know, suddenly he's gone or he's taken out of your life and removed and there's a loss there. And one of the problems that children have is they, we are, they aren't prepared to deal with it they're they're not they're not adults

they don't have a system set up so it's a real crisis for them uh and i see this a lot with divorced young men who grow up um it's even worse if they grow up with single mother homes but uh um you you know but you you had a comparison between your stepfather and your and your thing so it's it's great that you identified this and like your stepfather and your thing. So it's great that you identified this. And like I said before, and like your therapist said, no one's to blame. I mean, I forgive my parents for whatever sort of transgression I thought they did when I was young and naive.

You know, everyone's doing the best they can. But it's great that you identified this, that you crossed that threshold and had that moment where you're like, okay, and you're able to reconcile with your parents too. And maybe they can heal as well. Yeah, no, it was really, it was really good and I really commend my dad because I was like, dad, do you care if I put this in my book? And he's like, no, he's like,

honestly, if it can help another dad be a better dad, then I'm all for it. And you know, it's not very easy for, for a man to say, you're like, Hey, I wasn't a good dad, but I'd say I wasn't a good dad for those three years that, uh, me and my girlfriend, who's, she's now my wife,

um, broken up. I put my son in front of the TV, you know, I put him in front of the TV. Cause I was, I was, I had that weighted blanket on me,

man. I couldn't move. I was so depressed that he would, he would have to watch a lot of TV. And, you know, when we first broke up, I actually could only see my son twice a week for four hours at a time. Oh, wow. And I couldn't drive with him per court order in my car because I had an analyzer.

And, you know, I was a wild heart, I guess you could say. So I had to earn, the biggest thing I ever had to earn, not only my sobriety was was the right to see my son on a regular basis and you know i wasn't the greatest dad and i i had to really go back and and look at that and be like okay now what are you gonna do to to change that and you know i have no problem with telling people that i wasn't a good dad. And I'm not even, you know, I'm probably not a great dad still. You know, I'll be honest with you, Justin. Like, I'm not a father, but I don't know if I would have been.

I wouldn't have been a good father either. But a lot of fathers that I, I know a lot of fathers that are my age. I'm 55. And a lot of them talk the same way and i don't think there is a good dad i don't think there is a perfect dad i mean i think you have to give yourself some grace as a father because or as a parent or mother father you know there's no instruction manual no one goes to school for it every everybody just fucking wings it pretty much yeah and that's kind of how you know you're dating you're having fun all of a sudden hey baby whoa what caused that you know

they have studies now that tell you how that happens but uh you know people do the best you can and uh and some people do good some people do better and i think most most fathers that i know that are my age that are my best friends, you know, they kind of feel like at, at their kids are in their teens and they feel like they're, they're doing pretty good, but were they the best fathers though? They're all, I think they're all pretty critical. Like you are of yourself and it's okay. I think that's what I'm trying to say is it's okay. And you know, you can always, your your whole life you're going to be a look back on whether it's your father or your life you know i look back on i don't know something i did early

this morning and go well that was dumb um you know it's just you're just gonna have these collections of things but the most important thing is you can do is what you've talked about in your book and what you're talking about is being present being here not so much worried about the past so then you know doing some reconciling reconciling and of course recognizing with these stories you know how you got to here but you know there's no there's no superman dad and believe me i've i've met guys that that people are like i think he's a super dad they're not man everyone's got a host to their own bag of problems and issues and probably regrets of maybe how they could have been as a father. So I think one of the lessons you're giving to people is give yourself some grace.

It's okay. That's why I never was a dad because I knew I'd be awful. Well, you'd be surprised how how you can change but it did take me three years and you know i i like the fact that i can i can look back now with and give myself some grace but i can look back and be like hey like two months ago i you know i did something there i'm like that actually wasn't the right move yeah i should i should apologize like i'm okay so here's an example yesterday we dropped off my son at hockey and um i had to go to work and my wife has a earache like a really bad one she's and she's

not feeling good so i told her i tell my son to go meet her out in the parking lot after and i didn't do that and then she thought i did so she kind of gets in an argument with him and it's like nobody believes me and so today like because uh i had to pick him up from school i had to apologize hey i'm like dale like that's that's my fault i didn't communicate with you and i'm sorry for that so i had to apologize to him today and would i have done that back in the day i probably would have tried to stick by my guns. Yeah. But that's so important because you're teaching your son accountability,

truth, self-actualization. You know, a lot of people, you know, we were talking about this on the prior show, a lot of parents, and I don't know how many, but a lot of parents seem to think that if you tell your kid one thing and do another, that somehow they'll believe it, what you tell them to do. And kids pick up on your behavior and what you do. If you tell them one thing and you do another, they pick it right up. They go, Hey, this guy's full of shit. That's fair, man. They're sponges too.

They're sponges, but they see you and hear you more than I think most parents think so. My parents are good parents, but they told us stuff like, don't lie. And then we catch them lying. I'm like, hey, I caught you doing the lying there. You're not living your truth. So I think it's great that you're honest with your son that way and and you know you you show him yourself accountable you know part of being a leader and part of being a man is is not only being a king and being benevolent uh but also being able to show that you're you can be benevolent and that you can uh admit when you're wrong and you can apologize and uh you know otherwise you just end up a narcissistic

machiavellian asshole like me so there's that don't be like me folks um but no i mean this is the great thing about being a man you show that there's a full circumference of of character and that's what you're instilling in your son and what's important and you know your son's seeing that you you aren't infallible that you aren't perfect and that you make mistakes but you can admit to them which is probably what your father didn't couldn't self-actualize at the time and couldn't admit to you maybe or your stepfather um you know now you can do that so you're you're doing you're on a great path, I think. Well, I'm trying to be as open and honest with him as I can,

just to show him that, for one, you've got to work for things. Yeah. Two, life's not going to be easy. Yeah, that's the way of being a man. It's not fair. But to treat everybody with kindness, especially because you don't know their story, right? You don't know what someone's going through.

You don't know if they lost a job that day, if you lost, if they lost a loved one or they got diagnosed with a mental illness, if they forgot to take their medication, if they're dealing with generational trauma. You know, one of the things that I learned in coaching that stuck with me the most is all behavior makes perfect sense.

And that's interesting. All behavior makes perfect sense and that's interesting all behavior makes perfect sense i never heard that before yeah that's why i do the show so i learn stuff yeah so every someone's acting a certain way for a reason now i'm not i'm not saying that that means it it's the best reason yeah i'm not saying don't or let them treat you bad let them treat you poorly let them walk all over you but there's a reason why they're acting that way so try your best to not take it personally and that's one of the hardest things you can do it's like oh this guy's treating me because and then all of a sudden you get in your head he's like well they're treating me bad because i'm not a good person

that makes sense i heard somebody say one time or maybe it was in a book uh where someone talked about when people are being evil, they don't really understand they're being evil because either that's how they were raised, being immoral or unethical or whatever sort of character flaw you want to label, you want to put on it, but they don't understand. They just think they're doing what they're doing or defending what they're defending. Maybe you talk to somebody about politics and they're on the opposite side of politics. Or maybe you talk to somebody about some issue about life or belief system you have. And you're like, do you see how hypocritical that is?

Do you see how stupid that is? Do you see how the opposite of what you think you're trying to accomplish is that. And they don't get it because they maybe were raised a certain way. You know, sometimes I see this when I deal with people that act like shitheads or are morons. And you're like, you realize that that was how they were raised. That's the only imprint they have to go off of, and that's their blueprint. And so you can't save those people. They've got to go on their own journey to figure out how they're fucking up.

You know, kind of like what you went through. They've got to go through their cathartic journey. But, you know, you just can't have those people around you. But, you know, they think in their minds that they're trying to do good and that they're doing good. And maybe sometimes they're doing some evil shit. I mean, so there's some ugly stuff you can do in this world. If you look at our prisons, um, and, uh, and, and they just, they just haven't gone through that. So it's, it's great that the self-actualization is there.

And I like how you've put in the book different questions or or uh workplaces to do that uh now talk to us about what you do with coaching uh i've got your website up give us a website plug here in the middle of the show we'll get a jam in for that real quick it's www.justinbryan.com there you go b-r-i-e-.com. That's justinbryan.com. And so tell us what you do there. Tell us what you do with coaching and you're speaking now and doing all this stuff. Well, I take people through a transformational journey. I'm a transformational coach.

So there's a couple options. I have a do-it-yourself course up there. That's six weeks, mindset reset, back the Basics, where you just have a video, you run through video modules of me speaking, of my face looking at you and telling you or encouraging you, let's say, to do a week by week, right? And then I have my 12-week program where you work with me for 12 weeks, one-on-one, and then we go through that journey of what you want to accomplish. And we go over through modules that I've created that bring more self-awareness and ask thought-provoking questions for you to really get a deeper dive into what you want out of life. But also we talk about every week, what do you want to talk about? What do you want to create?

What do you need more clarity on? Do you need to reframe your thoughts do you need to work on your beliefs and give another perspective because we need that on certain things on how to approach certain people on how to make certain decisions when you know people we want to be like okay i'm going to do this okay well well what about what about that have you tried that idea have you entertained that idea so i just work with them on that to you know trying to get them that future them that they, uh, they want to create.

Uh, so that's awesome. So there's several resources they have there on top of your book. And of course the book's a great introduction. You're available to speak. You've got, uh, when people want to potentially onboard with you,

maybe see if you're a good fit. Is there a way for them to reach out to you and maybe either book a time or, or you know, a call or something? How do they kind of see if they have some particle with you? Well, they go to my website and then there should be a Calumny link in there where they can just book in a time with me. They can just email me at Justin at at justinbryan.com.

They can check on my Instagram, send me a personal direct message, and I'm at justinbryan19 on Instagram. You know, I love hearing from people. If they read the book, if I'm on a podcast, I'd love to hear just their biggest takeaways. You know, what's their story? Just anything like that. But if they're looking for speaking engagements, you know,

I've been fortunate enough that, you know, I've lived quite the life. I've worked out in the north, working on rigs. I've managed restaurants. I've played junior hockey. I've worked in mills. I got a plethora of knowledge that experiences, let's say, being a gypsy where I can speak to a wide variety of people. And I typically speak on mental health, on substance use, on choices, because everything we do in life comes down to a choice and a decision.

What is behind that choice and decision? Well, for me, a lot of it was my mental health and substance use. So I speak on that and personal awareness and talk about motivation and how I can get from here to here and what I did. There you go. Now, you also, I think you've mentioned this, the Mental Health Menu 14-Day Challenge book, ebook people can get free on your website as well, right? Yeah. So that's just a mental health menu, 14-day challenge, just walks people through 14 days of coping mechanisms, you know, mental health goals.

It's just a 14-page PDF, which is completely free for you to try. It's like, hey, you know what? I'm going to try these different kinds of coping mechanisms. There's, I think, maybe 14 on there, or there might be more, but it walks you through day by day, gets you to pick ones that you like to do that you can implement every day

into your life. And I guess you to try new ones, but just one or two. So you don't get overwhelmed because you know, you see all these gurus, these influencers and the here's five ways, here's 10 ways on how to improve your life. And then all of a sudden you're like,

okay, I'm going to get up. I'm going to do all those 10 things. Well, for one, no, you're not. And if you do, you're going to be overwhelmed. Unless you're a super dad. There you go. I like these things that you offer people to help them.

Have you ever studied stoicism? I know what stoicism is, yeah. Kind of. The overview of it. Yeah. If you get a chance, I advise you and my readers to pick up Marcus Aurelius' Meditations and study stoicism. It really helps with trauma, and it really helps men a lot, and it gets us in our masculine frame of logic and reason and gives us a really good concrete basis.

And so I recommend everyone grab a copy and read it. I keep one by the office site here and spend time going out in the sun and reading it in the morning for my vitamin D. But yeah, good stuff. I mean, stoicism really helps men. I think it really helps men too, that had father issues or mother abandonment issues. Uh, it really helps put us back to our core of, of how kind of we're designed and built

and gives us a, I don't know, a real mental rock to, you know, I think you made a comment somewhere in the line of it is what it is, which kind of a tentative stoicism um you know the world is not fair and that's the way it is it's you know here here's the thing you know it is what it is but you got to deal with it you gotta accept it you gotta learn how to forgive you gotta learn how to work through it um like i tried to put my book out as fast as i could because i wanted my role model my grandfather to be able to read it unfortunately he passed before it was finished um i had to read him the chapter about him and i put that chapter in because i really look up to this man like he is one of the greatest he's he is the greatest man I've ever met.

And you know what? When he passed, I'm like, hey, it is what it is. Now what am I going to do? He may have been your father figure rock when you were growing up, maybe a little bit. Yeah, I looked up to this man. He was there for his family.

He's quite the man. He golfed in the summer every day until he was like 89 when he passed he played pickleball he played hockey he played baseball and he did it with one bicep by a cow twice broken femur broken ankle like damn i feel like a pussy now because i don't have any broken stuff and i'm not doing any of that so he's a tough guy you know i had the same sort of experience with with my grandfather uh my grandfather was an alpha male uh from the old school i mean shit they decided to they decided to get a house they built their house this is like in the 20s they're just like, yeah, we want a house. Yeah. We're not going to buy one. We're just going to build one.

And it's still up today. Uh, the, uh, you know, he was just a rock salt to the earth, man. Uh, and, uh, a wonderful, uh, parent father. Um, it was, I mean, he was tough, but he was loving and kind. But he was the alpha father who set the standard for fathership for me. My father was a good man, but he had some real feminine issues and problems and weaknesses of character. And, you know, but he was a good man. He tried his best and he had his moments of greatness and goodness. But, you know, to me, having my grandfather really set the standard for me,

and I'm glad you're celebrating him. And it just sounds like he had probably a bigger impact in your life that you'll learn more about as you go through life. Yeah. But, yeah, it's definitely something, you know, you've got to work through it, right? Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, those guys came from an era.

Uh, I just feel blessed cause I, I I'm on the cusp of men who went from alphas to betas where men went from logic and reason to, to emotional. Uh, and we live in a society that tries to, to promote emotionalism and being emotional and stuff. And this is why stoicism is so important because you can have emotions as a man, but you've got to have logic and reason that doctor them.

Otherwise you're just, you might as well just go be a woman really. And you know, emotion there, women are very emotionally based. Men are supposed to be logical and reason based. And this is, you know,

people that struggle sometimes because I don't have that father figure in their life or they don't have a good stoic alpha male in their life. They end up, you know, this is where we got the participation trophy generation and all this other crap that we're dealing with these days in society. And so it's just real important. But I'm glad you celebrated him and recognized him in your book. Yeah, thanks. I believe that when I took the Tony Robbins strategic intervention course, men need to have the masculine part and the feminine part. You need to be able to show your emotions, talk about what's going on,

because the longer you keep it in, it's going to eat from the inside out, and then you're going to turn into a man that you don't like, a man that's going to push people away, a man that's going on. Cause the longer you keep it in, it's going to eat from the inside out. And then you're going to turn into a man that you don't like a man. That's going to push people away, a man that's going to be, you know, feared. And then you're going to start to fear yourself, but it's good to be a man.

Yeah. Stick up for your family, stick up for yourself. You know, you got to have that self belief, but it's good to have that feminine part where, you know, which is a little more caring,

compassionate and kindness. And, you know, it's just women are, are tentatively, you know, they do that more. compassionate and kindness and you know it's just women are tentatively you know they do that more it's natural it's more natural for them than it is man especially from how people and for how you were raised and you know the experiences you go through but it's it's good to have both parts right definitely i mean you have to have balance but the the challenge is one does not overrule the other or uh emotions don't overrule it for a man yeah no if you start

to get your emotions disgusting you start to make mistakes you start to make stupid decisions if you let emotions lead your decisions and your choices and your actions well then you're going to get yourself into a lot of trouble and that's what i did i'm sad i'm gonna do some cocaine i'm sad i'm gonna drink some beer, drink some straight vodka. Right? If you're going to say something you don't mean, you shouldn't be saying. Yeah. There's an old line from, was it The Godfather?

Women and children can make mistakes. Men can't. You know, we're expected to hold to a different standard. We have to deliver. We have to perform. We spend a life building who we are. We're not born into our agency. We have to build agency. We have to contribute to the world. We have to contribute to a family and provide for them and protect. And we spend a lifetime doing that. Most men do not peak on their value until

they're about 50, 55, my age now, where they make their most money, they make their most resources, they have their head completely put together. It takes a long time for us to get to that point because we're valued for our resources, what we provide. We're not valued for beauty or youth or femininity. We, you know, the world whips the crap out of a man if he doesn't stand up and do

what the world expects you to do or society expects you to do, which is to produce, make something of yourself and make enough of yourself that you can give it to a family and build a family and contribute to the world. And so it's tough being a man. But yeah, you can't have emotions where you need logic and reason. You can have emotions. I think some people think that stoicism means you're emotionless or that you pack away emotions. And it's not, it means that you can look at your emotions and not let them control you like the wind or like the sails. And you know, I can look at my emotions, I can feel

things and go, okay, well that feeling kind of sucks, but you know, I'm not going to go, like you said, make bad decisions based on my emotions. I'm going to be calm and I'm going to look at it from a logic and reason standpoint and go, well, that's a great little emotion you got there, Chris. And it's okay to feel that. And okay, great. We did that. And now let's try and figure out a way to maybe overcome why you're feeling that way. And, you know, we have different logical ways we can process that. So it's really good stuff.

Final thoughts as we go out and pitch to pitch to listeners to work with you. Uh, well, first, I think it's really important to get men to feel safe enough to, to, to say how they feel,

um, to be able to say, Hey, you know what? I'm not having a good day to ask for help because unfortunately in this world, you know, one person every 40 seconds takes

takes their life and 75 of that is men so i think it's it's to get men to feel safe enough to ask for help and to you know not be embarrassed about it like because we all struggle but it's okay to ask for help um last final thoughts i if if you episode, um, if you have a story you just want someone to talk to, please reach out to me, www.justinbryan.com or at justinbryan19 on Instagram, or email me justin at justinbryan.com. I'd love to hear what you thought of this episode, how your life is going. And, uh, I look forward to chatting with you. There you go.

And I think there's a lot of young men who maybe have gone through your journey where they're struggling to find themselves, whether it's, you know, alcohol addiction. We had someone on in the prior show that had alcohol addiction problems when they were growing up and things in youth. And so it's so great to see someone like you going through the cathartic times and surviving because some people don't you know and uh and it sounds like you ran pretty close to the edge and so it's quite the inspirational story of uh of coming back i mean it's it's great that you got back together

with the uh original mother your child and and now you're building a healthy family and you're on your way justin so i highly commend what you're doing, man. And I hope people will work with you and support you and bring you out to speaking gigs and hear your story. Because there's people out here that need to hear your story. And that's what makes it so important. I appreciate that. And hey, if you ever need a book, pick up Chasing Shadows, Fighting the Monster Within. If not for yourself, for somebody else. You know, I've had people tell me that a lot of men actually, holy cow, I feel the monster within. If not for yourself, for somebody else. I've had people tell me that a lot of men actually,

holy cow, I feel the same way. Or hey, there's that man up stigma. Because I lived by that man up stigma and it almost took my life. And then that fired my internal dialogue. But I've had people say, hey, I had to skip chapters. I had to skip this part because it's heavy. There's more in that book than I've talked about today.

So you do be ready to read a story. Give us your.com one more last time. www.justinbryan.com There you go. Thank you very much, Justin, for coming on the show. Order up the book, folks, wherever fine books are sold.

Chasing Shadows, Finding the Monster Within, Stories of the Great Owner's Manual Life. Thanks for tuning in Be good to each other, stay safe And we'll see you guys next time