The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Exploring the Challenges Men Face in Leadership and Society

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

Exploring the Challenges Men Face in Leadership and Society Freedomminicourse.com https://amzn.to/3vNBQl1 Show Notes About the Guest(s): Bodhi Aldridge is a father, grandfather, lawyer, coach, and facilitator who is on a mission to help men rediscover their magnificence. With a commitment to self-development and lifelong learning, Bodhi has studied traditional teachings and contemporary leadership development to bring these teachings to other men. He guides men to develop presence, open their hearts, and integrate their masculine and feminine energy. Bodhi lives near the beach in Brian Bay with his wife of 40 years, four children, and ten grandchildren. Episode Summary: In this episode, host Chris Voss interviews Bodhi Aldridge, author of the book "Visionary Male Leaders." They discuss the changing landscape of leadership and what it means to be a man in leadership today. Bodhi explains the concept of masculine and feminine energy and how men can integrate these energies to become effective leaders. They also explore the challenges men face in finding a sense of belonging and purpose, and how to navigate these issues in today's society. Key Takeaways: Leadership is about influence, and men can be leaders in various aspects of their lives, including their families, communities, and businesses. Masculine and feminine energy are not based on gender, but rather on certain traits and qualities. Men can access both masculine and feminine traits to become well-rounded leaders. Many women have had to adopt masculine traits to succeed in the business world, but they often struggle to maintain their femininity. It is important for women to find a balance between their masculine and feminine energies. The traditional model of leadership, based on power and control, is changing. Organizations are realizing the importance of diversity and inclusion, embracing different perspectives and traits. Men need a sense of belonging and purpose to thrive. Many men struggle with these issues, especially in mid-life, and it is important to create spaces where men can explore their masculinity and find their purpose. Notable Quotes: "Leadership is about influence. We all have the ability to influence the people around us, whether it's in our families, our communities, or our businesses." - Bodhi Aldridge "Masculine and feminine energy are not about gender. They are about certain traits and qualities that we all possess to varying degrees." - Bodhi Aldridge "Women often struggle to maintain their femininity in the business world because they have been told they need to adopt masculine traits to succeed." - Bodhi Aldridge "Men need a sense of belonging and purpose to thrive. It's important for men to find their tribe and discover their unique purpose in life." - Bodhi Aldridge "The traditional model of leadership, based on power and control, is changing. Organizations are realizing the importance of diversity and inclusion." - Bodhi Aldridge

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast. The hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show. The preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready. Get ready. Strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. This is Voss here from the chrisvossshow.com. There you go. When the art lady sings it, that's when you know it's official. Welcome to Big Show, my family and friends.

We certainly appreciate you guys being here. As always, we bring you the smartest people, the people who expand your mind, brighten your future, teach you the stories and lessons they've learned over life. The CEOs, the billionaires, the White House presidential advisors, the astronauts, the Pulitzer Prize winning authors, storytellers, you name it. They're all on the show. Over 15 years, we've been bringing you the most smartest people. it. They're all on the show over 15 years. We've been bringing you the most smartest people.

We have another grand gentleman on the show today with us. He's the author of the book, Visionary Male Leaders. It came out October 9th, 2021. We're going to be talking to him about his insights and everything that went into it. We have on the show with us, Bodie Aldridge. He is a gentleman whose mission is to help men remember their magnificence and probably how to spell or pronounce it too. Bodie's journey as a father and grandfather, a lawyer, coach, and facilitator has taken him across the world, diving deep into traditional teachings and contemporary leadership development so that he could find his magnificence and bring those teachings to other men.

Bodhi's commitment to self-development, to lifelong learning, and to supporting men in business has allowed him to influence and support many organizations and leaders around the globe. He guides men to develop presence, open their hearts, and integrate their masculine-feminine energy so they can start paying attention to what matters most. Bodie lives at the beach near Bryan Bay with his wife of 40 years, his four children, and ten grandchildren. That would have made no sense to say ten children and four grandchildren.

Maybe it would have. I don't know. I'll figure it all out in the end. That's why he's here to tell us all about it. Welcome to the show, Bodhi. How are you? Good. Thank you, Chris. So excited to be here. And yeah, it's always interesting listening to some of those threads and going, oh, okay. I've got quite a few grandchildren. There you go. 10 grandchildren. That's awesome, man. You're working on the future there. So give us your dot coms. Where do you want people to find you on the interwebs? Yeah, for sure. It's www.bodealdridge.com. And there's also a link to www.freedomandflow, which is a free mini course that we'll be offering the listeners.

And finally, I've got my podcast, which is called True Freedom, which you can find on all the normal podcast apps. There you go. So give us a 30,000 overview of some of the things you touched on in this book. The interesting thing in the book is that I feel we're at the time when for a lot of men a lot of men in leadership it's really a bit of a crossroads it's men are looking to what is it to be a leader now like if we look globally in politics and in business you know we can see that some of the old models of leadership are changing some of them dying off and then if we look at the the kind of swing that came through from the 70s

and 80s, a lot of men are going, that doesn't quite suit me either. And so the book touches on the possibility of what is it to be a man and in leadership. And when I talk about leadership, Chris, it's really simple to me. Leadership is about influence. So you can be a leader in your community. You can be a leader in your community, you can be a leader in your family, you can be a leader in your business, running your business, you might have a leadership role in your community, your faith-based community. I think at some level, so many of us are influencing the people around us. Definitely. I mean, we all have kind of influence and everyone can be a leader when it comes down to it. So one of the things you talk about is the masculine and feminine sides of leadership.

Do you want to define what those are for us? Sure. Yeah, thank you. It's always good to define. And again, as the bio mentioned, you know, I've studied a lot of traditional wisdom. So, you know, Hindu, the Tao, the Aboriginal here in Australia. And what I noticed was that all traditional cultures had words for this energy, the masculine and feminine energy that runs through the universe and runs through nature, Mother Earth, Father Sky. And, you know, essentially we could call it anything, yet these names, these labels seem to have developed. And one of the key things is that it's not based on gender and I'll explain that a little bit more because often one of the strong filters is we automatically go to gender and so if we go to the biggest context Chris these traditional

wisdoms talked about the fact that in the universe and in the energy there are these polarities you think about the north and South Pole. And what they realised is there's a certain energy which you could call masculine and a certain energy that you could call feminine. And the simple definition at that level is the feminine energy in us and in the universe is everything that flows, everything that moves. It's like the ocean or the river

it's constantly moving the masculine energy in us is that and presence and witness the feminine so it's like the river with the riverbanks and as men and as women and obviously i work mainly with men it's about how do I get the balance right between the riverbanks, structure, scaffolding, certainty, and the river, the flow, flow states in sport, flow states in business. And that's a big part of what I teach is how to integrate these two aspects in ourselves. There you go. There you go. People don't, it's interesting to me because I talk about masculine and feminine energy a lot, like on my Facebook I discuss it and stuff.

And it's interesting to me how many men and sometimes women, I think women understand a little bit more because they know what it's like to be in their feminine when they're around a masculine frame. But then if they don't have that masculine frame to provide and protect and provide security, then they have to man up and be in their masculine and

so i talked to a lot and a lot of people really are are really stunted in being able to understand that you know both men and women can operate in their masculine and feminine and you can you can play both sides there's some people that seem to be really centered in it like i've met men who are very emotionally centered in their feminine and vice versa i mean i've met some women that can't come out of their masculine no matter how much you see this and in america you're in australia in america we have some real serious problems over here with people really confused about whose roles are what and what roles are who and who's being who. What sort of challenges are you seeing in the world from your end of life?

And what are men experiencing that they need more help with stuff like this? Yeah, yeah. And again, great, great awareness. Again, if I just thin slice it a little bit more. So, again, it's not about gender. There's gender. We know that many conversations around gender, gender fluidity, all those sorts of things.

If we come into the different aspects of it, so firstly, there is our energy, our life force, almost like our sexual energy that comes through. And for most men, they're more in their masculine, and for most women, they're more in their masculine. And for most women, they're more in their feminine. Yet from there, there are also these traits. It's like this continuum of traits, the yin and the yang. So if you think about masculine traits of, as you say, being the protector, holding space, you know, that strategy, that linear, and these traits for the feminine of connection and compassion and collaboration, those traits are available to all of us.

So what I see often, particularly in business, Chris, is a lot of women have had to use masculine traits, but they've lost their femininity because they didn't have that distinction. How can I still be in my feminine energy as a woman and be strategic and be linear? And what's happened is for a lot of men, their version of the masculine energy is, you know, if you think about healthy and unhealthy anything, there's a lot of unhealthy hyper-masculinity. So being a provider is a very important trait, but the ultra-competitive aspect, the power aspect for some men can be a distortion.

And so teaching men how to access healthy masculine and the traits that they need, any of the listeners there who are fathers know what it's like to be tender with their children fathers know what it's like to be tender with their children know what it's like to be compassionate with their children these are traits you can access as a man together with your ability to provide to hold space those sorts of things there you go it seems like i mean here in america it's basically women are just being men they're just operating on their masculine full-time and they kind of have to if they don't have that sort of thing we have a lot of single mothers and we have a lot of people that are single and so if they don't have that that's kind of where they have to be for

security so you you work with men a lot you talk to men about their issues and what they're into in fact most of the most of the most of the confusion i think that comes in our society is we try and there's this bullshit lie that we're all equal and we're not and how do you square that sort of thing there's no equality in the universe there's or complementally for complimentary for a reason how do you square the people that say we're men and women are equal or masculine and feminine are equal yeah i think the conversation, the layer of the conversation is this whole conversation about diversity and inclusion, you know, which isn't about equality.

It's about embracing it all. It's embracing the diversity that women bring in their feminine, men bring in their masculine, you know, the inclusion of different thought processes, different gender, different color, you know, those sorts of things. And so for me, as you mentioned, one of the things I work with a lot of clients in the US and often I end up working with the couples. I've stopped working with the men. And what I've noticed for a lot of women in the US as a generalization is a lot of them have been almost sold the pitch that you can be a CEO of your organization, you can have two or three children, you can, you know, basically almost do it all.

And to your point, the reality is that for a lot of women that I've worked with in their, you know, 30s, who are, you know, highly intelligent, highly successful and then start to have a family, it creates this incredible internal conflict because there's a part of them that wants to nurture, wants to be with their children, but they've also been told and sold this cultural story that you also have to be the CEO. And that's where this inequality, that's where every relationship needs to be a

conversation between the partners. How does this family unit work for us? Yeah. I mean, a lot of the problems that we see out of it was we had a whole generation of women that were raised being told by their mothers, you can have everything, you can have it all now. And I think the generalization was as well, you can be a CEO and you can have it all now and i think the generalization was as well you can you know you can be a ceo and you can have a family but no one can have it all and the madness in our society is this drive to try and have everything and the belief that you can master it all and that you can balance it and what a lot of companies are finding is this burnout. There was somebody on the show recently who cited a attorney firm. It was a high-powered attorney firm. And the women there were making lots of money, insane sort of high incomes. They had great

opportunities. They had great opportunities to advance, but they couldn't keep the women there at the office. And so they had Brown and Consultants that said, why are we losing women? And they found that women were burning out from being in their masculine. And then eventually, you know, that screaming biological clock that they have eventually won the game and they went and started families. And they were burning out from being in their masculine all the time. And I see a lot of masculine burnout from women these days especially in their 40s and 50s yeah and and then they're you know they they end up defaulting to biology and so basically the bullshit that's being sold to people is bullshit

it's people are always going to default to biology even even you know with all the stuff we get in america where you know men have to do this men have to do this, men have to do that, or men have to be more like women is basically what we get told. In the end, when you see the data on dating apps, they're all chasing the top masculine successful men. They'll tell you one thing, we have nice guys who just sit around around and play with babies but they're all chasing the top masculine men so it's quite the double dipping dichotomy that's going on in our society that's just you're just like there's a lot of bullshit going around again it's the interpretation as you say so a couple of great points you make so with the burnout for for women in their feminine again what what's occurred working with a lot of leaders and a lot

of female leaders is that without awareness a lot of women have had to develop masculinity and masculine traits to succeed in our current business models law firms as you mentioned any of that and one of the things I ran a business breakfast just for women last year and I was able to take them through some practices where you can stay in your feminine energy and as I mentioned access some of the masculine traits because sometimes you need to be strategic you need to be linear and the journey for the feminine for women in their feminine chris is from depletion to replenishment most of them are depleted one of the biggest issues for women mid-30s to mid-40s is adrenal fatigue as you mentioned trying to do it all in the context of what they've been told,

you know, be the CEO, have three children, be masculine. The flip of that, the other interesting study around women in leadership was that a lot of women get to senior roles and, as you say, normally, as a generalisation, will have their family and they look at the men. So I go to the law firm, some of the studies around law firms, and, of course, I spent my first 20 years as an attorney, is that the women look at what it takes to go to the next level.

And a lot of these men in the hyper-masculine, distorted masculine were doing, you know, 70 hours a week. You know, they were doing whatever it took and the studies show that a lot of women are looking at that going i'm not sure if i'm willing you know with a family with balance with my marriage to to really really that's the whole glass ceiling a big part of the glass ceiling was it wasn't just the opportunities for women. It was also a lot of women going, I'm not willing to make that sacrifice. And that's where they lose good talent. That's where they lose because they don't adapt. They think this is the model.

If you're not willing to do 70 hours a week, then you're not able to elevate. And what I see globally working a lot in Europe is that so many organizations are realizing that we need to structure ourselves differently. We need to cater for the opportunities, not based on the lineal masculine model of power and control that creates success, inverted commas, yet doesn't necessarily create sustainability. So a couple of things there. You mentioned the distorted masculine working 80 hours, 70 hours a week. What do you refer to as distorted? It's the healthy, unhealthy. So if you think about anything, and again, the US is a great example.

And Australia is not far off. The suicide rate for men, you know, for young men is just tragic. Yeah, we've got these incredible symptoms showing up, the burnout for men, the lack of purpose for men, the illness for men, the stress for men. So all of that to me, my interpretation of all of that is we've got this. So one of the important masculine traits is a sense of competition and healthy competition for men

teaching boys how to be good losers how to focus on the game you know in sport yep but when it becomes competition at all cost when it becomes dog eat dog when it becomes i've got to win and you've got to lose i would talk about that as unhealthy, distorted. Yet, you know, to me, it's like there's a healthy and unhealthy. There's distorted and a flowing masculine and feminine. I think we've just distorted it because we haven't got the awareness that absolutely being competitive, being the best you can is a great attribute. But when it becomes, yeah, when it all costs and it's power over which is often in business i just i mean i don't feel that's healthy the the other thing is is you were talking about the structure of things and how things work and stuff business business in my mind in and i operate

on theory so i'm always i'm always you I may say something different tomorrow, but business in my mind is the same thing as hunting a woolly mammoth or doing what a tribe of men did back in the day, a caveman. Hunting, killing, strategic, being aware, it's killing, it's murder, slaughter. It's providing through that method, if you will. And that's what business is. You're looking to destroy your competition. You're looking to win, excel, whatever the case may be. There's a hierarchy to it. There's a pecking order. There's a hazing order to it that men do. The reason men haze each other is to challenge each other so that they know that when they are in the thick of battle, that person's not going to cripple if they're in the knees, you know, when they're fighting the only mammoth or whatever it is.

Women's social structures are more communal. And, you know, it's very kumbaya. Let's sit around and hug each other and share our emotions. There's usually, you know, it used to be there was some leaders that were there and they would, you know, take care of each other's kids and provide all that sort of thing. But the structure of business is very hunting, is the very hunter part of the hunter-gatherer syndrome. And so Machiavellianism and other things are natural structures to that, in my opinion.

And I see people, they're always trying to convince me that we need to change the structure of business to something that's more communal like women. And I think in the structures that I've seen, I've never seen one succeed or fail. I don't think I'm ever going to see a Fortune 500 company that's a kumbaya sitting around and sharing each other's feelings. Yeah, there's two important points. And again, being a man of logic, being a man of theory, there's some fascinating studies now. So there was a great book by Frederick Lallou called Reinventing Organization, and it's been around now probably eight or nine years, if any of the listeners are. what he studied Chris was exactly your point how can organizations operate with an integration of the healthy and masculine because there's also the distorted feminine as much as there's the distorted or unhealthy masculine the distorted feminine which we see yep just as much in the

world yep is and so what he found, and it was interesting, he found 10 organisations globally, very successful, very profitable, and they were all operating a different system because to your point, traditional cultures knew that hunting and gathering were important. They knew that integrating. If you look at a lot of traditional cultures, the Aboriginal

culture in Australia, which is the oldest continuous living culture, was actually matriarchal, not patriarchal. And there are many matriarchal cultures in Africa. And what they realized is that if you look at the Aboriginal culture, so the men often went off to kill the kangaroo yep literally and metaphorically so it was very strategic it was hunting it was very strategic they knew where the kangaroo would be they knew which way the wind was blowing they knew where the kangaroo would go they knew where the men need to be placed but while they were doing that the women were gathering they were gathering the berries they were gathering the. They were gathering the berries. They were gathering the seeds. They were gathering the children. And so they had a very complex and very healthy

system, a symbiotic system of integrating the masculine and feminine. And the men went and did men's work, sacred men's work. The women went and did women's work. Now, what happened in our culture with organizations is what we adopted, particularly the industrial revolution, was the structures for organizations are the same that we designed for war, to your point. We have a general manager. We have a chief executive officer. And they're very successful in war. You have to have command and control you have to have hierarchy you have to have absolute compliance in the middle of a battlefield if a marine goes hang on a tick i'm not feeling like it today it's not going to work the marine needs to follow the order the challenge with that is that what it allows for, again, if we use the armed forces,

it's a very healthy structure if you want to win a battle. Yeah, battle for business, battle for war. Exactly. What happens in business, though, and the hazing is an interesting one, studying Japanese culture, because what happens is the distortion of this model, again, it has a healthy and unhealthy. The unhealthy, if you think about power and you think about control, it's important to have a system where there is power and control.

But true power is not the bullying. It's not the power over. It's not the domination from the top. Again, if you look at any of the armed forces, you look at any of the armed forces you look at some of the incredible work they're doing around how do we collaborate and in the middle of a battle you've got to follow the leader and so i guess it's a long answer to your question that i feel we are integrating and some of those systems are healthy yet and have in the right context. And some of them are being distorted. You know, in Japan, the hazing. So in Japan, what happens there is that essentially when you finish college and during college, most of the successful baseball teams in Japan are owned by the big Fortune 500 companies.

So whichever baseball team you go to, you end up working for that organization yep so you know without naming names you can picture some of the big Japanese organizations yep and so it's part of and part of the rite of passage and which is an important thing for men and women is is the hazing and so if you're a junior baseball player there essentially you've got to go through it's like the fraternity stuff that you see you in the u.s yep now again my belief that having done lots of rite of passage work with indigenous cultures is the rite of passage which has been heavily lost in our culture is if you think about the hero's journey you think about the journey for boys to men there were certain milestones so turning seven yep and going to 14 13 14 yep you go from little boy to big boy then you go from big boy to young man and then about 18 21 you go into becoming a man and all traditional

cultures the boys were taken with the men and the girls were taken the women and they were initiated. Yep. What is it to move from little boy to big boy? Yep. And, you know, you can't hang on to being a big boy if you're now an adult. And so the hazing, the fraternity, the stuff that goes on in a lot of the Western cultures, Japanese culture, I believe is, again, using that word distortion of it is about initiation. It is about a rite of passage. It is about you're the new person in the team, in the business, in the fraternity. I just feel that at times it's kind of lost a little bit of its context. That's just my personal view.

So I'm trying to understand to make sure I understand all this thing. it's kind of lost a little bit of its context. That's just my personal view. So a couple, I'm trying to understand to make sure I understand all this thing. Let's, let's, we'll move backward in order. So the, the hazing that men do is pretty, to my understanding,

it's pretty universal. Like we do it in gaming all the time. And I don't know, I don't care how many years I've been playing with somebody, how well I know them. The hazing element that we do is to make sure we're all up on the par, you know, Hey man, you awake, you live, you on point today. We got to go do, you know, we got to do a battle. We got to do war.

We got to go hunt. You on point? You're a little off today. You're, you're, you're, you're falling down. Hey, you had been drinking too much today. What's going on, dude? You're not performing a par. And that's how men keep that, keep each other in check and in line.

And so to me, it's not really about initiation. It is part of that sort of thing. But it's also making sure that, you know, you see football players do it on the team to each other when they're during the game or throughout the game. You know, and even if it's just patting someone on the back, giving some support or slapping somebody on the ass like they do in football games i think they've been i've never seen anymore but uh you know it's constantly like making sure that everyone on the team is operating at their peak performance everyone's aware what's going on because men inherently know and this comes back to those caveman times that the one guy who's the weakest or who's going to, you know,

when the Tyrannosaurus Rex pops up, you know, and he's going to run off. Now, clearly people don't write me that Tyrannosaurus Rex, I'm just using examples here, but you know, he's going to run off and then everyone's going to die because they needed

that one guy to maybe overcome this thing. So that's kind of how I look at hazing. Okay. And I, sorry, just jump in. I, I, I didn't give hazing

that meaning a slightly different meaning for me but absolutely to your point to me what i'd call that is commitment are you on and committed today are you committed to the team you committed to your role are you are you here present so i'd still call it hazing because we break balls here in america we call it breaking balls. So I'm going to go up to you and be like, you got your shit together fucktard, right? And we can talk to each other

that way as men. Can't talk to women that way. We can talk to each other as women because we know. Because I know okay, my buddy loves me, he cares about me, he's breaking balls because he wants to make sure that we're all fucking, you know, we're all up to par here. My buddy loves me. He cares about me. He's breaking balls because he wants to make sure that we're all fucking, you know, we're all up to par here.

And so to me, that's still hazing, but it's, you know, there's different definitions people can have. Now you mentioned that the Aborigines or Aboriginals, Aborigines were a matriarchal society, but then you described a natural caveman society.

So how were they predominantly matriarchal? It's interesting. The studies around herds in animals is fascinating. but then you described a natural caveman society. So how were they predominantly matriarchal? It's interesting. The studies around herds in animals is fascinating. And if you're a hunter, you may notice this because we used to think it was the stag deer that led the tribe. But the studies now, the footage is incredible if any of the listeners are interested. What they realized is that if you think about the herd,

the stag was often out in front. The stag was often the biggest, you know, and obviously genetically the most desirable. But what they found was before the herd moved, the older females were signalled to each other where to go. So they were actually directing the herd and then it was led by the stag. And it's the same in Indigenous cultures. The women, the matriarchs were holding the energy.

They knew where the tribe needed to go. They knew what the children needed. They knew where the berries were. They knew where the tribe needed to go. They knew what the children needed. They knew where the berries were. They knew where the water holes were. But then the men went and executed through the masculine. They went and followed through that linear, through that strategic. And provided the security. Exactly, exactly.

Yeah, so it's fascinating. Some of the studies. Wouldn't the women know that from their roles as gatherers? I mean, that's their caretaker. Their job is to to take the thing so they they would have to know that data that would be men's data to have to know yeah it's like it's like if i'm the top breadwinner in my in my in my home and i'm doing the masculine providing this security you know i've heard this complaint i've heard this complaint divorce court when we'll say he doesn't know the teachers that the kid has and you know i don't know what what sort of whatever fucking thing's going on in the school and it's like he doesn't

need to that's your job in the feminine to take care of you know the water wherever the thing is i mean the providing for the children that's that's a feminine role And whether or not you want to share that role with your marriage, work it all out on your guys' end. So it's interesting to me. You mentioned the amount of suicides men have. I mean, it sounds like you guys have the same sort of thing we have going on here. Men's suicide is incredibly high. Why do you think that is?

The two fundamentals for men, for the masculine, a sense of belonging and a sense of purpose. And what's happened in our culture, the nuclear family, the disconnection of community, loss of villages, and I'm not sure what your experience is, but so many of us men, young men, teenagers, we often don't have that sense of belonging and fitting in. Where do I fit in?

Sometimes you find it in the sporting team. You know, you might find it in a family. And so a lot of young men have lost the sense of where's my community? Where's my tribe? And then purpose is so important. men need a reason to get out of bed yeah we've got to have that purpose and you know having worked with a lot of young men here in australia and setting up different organizations when they feel a sense of belonging i belong to this group i belong to this tribe and that's what we see in a lot of social media

in the gaming world. You know, you're experiencing that. People want to belong to that community, whatever nuances. So giving young men a sense of belonging and then giving them purpose. And for a lot, you know, certainly in my community, there are disadvantaged youth here. And for a lot of them, it's just, you know,

getting an apprenticeship, getting a trade, having a job, a purpose, you know, the whole conversation around employment, you know, those sorts of things. So I believe they underpin. And out of that, just to continue, is that we know that the loneliest people on the planet are middle-aged white men. Yep.

Yep. And that's because-aged white men. Yep. Yep. And that's because they've lost belonging. Yep. That connection, where do I fit in? I'm lonely. And if you think about the trajectory, they have their friends at college, they might have their football friends, and then they lean into their career, you know, and obviously they lose a bit of touch with that.

And suddenly they find themselves, kids might leave home or they might grow up and they're going yeah where where do i fit in here definitely and yeah and i think there's some of the causes the the the real deep causes chris definitely i mean i think i think at the core of that i i came from the last generation that was raised by alpha men and i was the cuspid because it was my grandfather but then my father was a beta and he was stuck in his emotion and trapped in his emotion and he was struggling with his balancing logic and reason he sure discovered narcissism though so he had that going for him it's always good to pick one of the dark triad traits but but then he still had emotion so his his real grounding was in emotion when it came down to it.

But I had an alpha masculine grandfather and stuff. And so it started with the 60s with us, with the rise of feminism, the attack on men, men seeing their families, the rise of divorce and everything else, sexuality becoming more open and free which i'm not sure is it was always a good thing and basically the disposability of men you know men started being attacked very early on in the 60s by advertising because they knew that when we're sitting home watching tv and and playing you know using men and fathers as as the joke, you know. And that's when we really started to be devalued in society. And as men tried to adopt and they're like, okay, there's toxic masculinity, all these hateful people are telling us, then, okay, we'll try to be more feminine. We'll try to back down.

And then it's just gotten worse. And then you had emotional, basically emotionalism has taken over to where it's a largely feminist society that we live in. You see the participation trophy, a generation that was feminine, you know, it's, it's Kumbaya.

Everybody gets an award. There's, we don't have to have, you know, we don't have to have this battle for being number one. Everyone can get a hug and have body positivity and crap. And, and, and men just bought it, hook, line, and sinker. Make her happy, happy wife, happy life, just whatever.

Make her happy. Just give her whatever she wants. And by men abdicating their role as leaders, as elders of society, as masculine, they've lost their way. And so these, they've been, as they were raised, they've been handicapped by, you know, the daughters were told, Hey, girls, you can have it all. And then boys are like, what do we do? And dad's, you know, neutered. So dad just goes, I don't know whatever she says.

And so mothers just basically handicapped their sons and said, do whatever she says. And now we have these incels and these, what else do we call them? The simps. We have these huge amount of male simps in the world. And the funny thing is about all the bashing about patriarchy and masculinity and stuff, all the women in dating apps are chasing the top five masculine men, top 5% of masculine men. They're all looking for masculinity in spite of saying completely the other thing.

And so I think a lot of men have been hoodwinked over three generations, and they've just gotten softer and softer. And, you know, the school shooters that we see where men are using their their biological nature for their proclivity to easily kill and they're living in their emotionality which you mix that together is not a great fucking drink and and so they're acting out in all sorts of ways and behaviors and so i think you're're right. We need to return to masculinity. You know, here in America, we've been told for decades that masculinity is bad. It's evil.

In fact, they stacked enough women on the psychiatry board so they could declare that masculinity is toxic. It's just insidious what's been going on the agenda against men. But then everybody wants us to save their ass in the end go to war and be the masculine provider protector and if not then they're on tiktok screaming we're all the good men you wiped them out good job so and i think you're you know your summary is is exactly what i would call as i said the distortion on the unhealthy you know trajectory that we've been on and where a lot of men have got lost

because what is it to be a man? How do I stand my masculinity, my true masculinity, to hold space, to be a provider, to create a relationship with my beloved that works for both parties and also particularly those with children. How can I have connection and compassion and those sorts of things? It's possible, and certainly we're returning to it. And, again, that's why, you know, I enjoy the work I do with men,

particularly men. What I find, Chris, for me, a lot of men sort of early 40s to mid-50s, you know, they're married, they're in business, they've got a mortgage they've got children and and those men are kind of asking these questions there's a lot a lot of great work for men young men older men but that's certainly the demographic I find it's like how how can I be the man I want to be how can I live fully how can I live my purpose and manage my business manage my parenting manage my relationship.

And the good news is certainly working with, you know, thousands of men around the globe is, you know, we're certainly seeing evidence of what's possible. There you go. So tell us what you offer on your website when people go there, what sort of things you're doing there and services you offer. Yeah, one of the things I'm offering any of the listeners today, and if they go to the link around the mini courses, I'm offering, if any of the listeners are feeling

called and going, you know what, I'd like to explore this more. I'd like to understand what masculinity is yet in contemporary conversations. What I'm offering is a complimentary alignment call. So it's a one hour coaching session with me. It's available for any of your listeners, if they click on the link and just reach out as part of you know being on the podcast and then that alignment call is a matter of going you know is is this work something that interests you and then what happens then is normally what I start with Chris with clients is I normally start with some one-on-one coaching yeah we do a three-month package where we go deeper in these concepts. We go deeper and very bespoke around what's going on for you as a man. What have you

been sold around the image of masculinity? How do you navigate these things? And then a lot of the men, I now run group programs for men where we go deeper, virtual programs, men from around the globe. Again, exploring these concepts. the teachings that I've learned from my business leadership training and my traditional wisdom training are about how to get more present because we're very distracted. There's so much distraction. How to find my purpose. Yep. What is my purpose? And how to bring more passion into my life, how to bring more joy. And so that's very much what I'm offering any of the listeners and working with men who are up for it. There you go. There you go. We need to bring back masculinity and teach men that masculinity isn't toxic, it's healthy. It's

what all the women are chasing at my thing. I hear so many complaints from women that they cannot find masculine men. They don't like finding emotional and you know i've studied all my life from a childhood basis i had to deal with with i had to deal with seeing the difference dichotomy of an alpha and a feminine um uh grandfather and a and a very weak grandfather and a and a completely toxic grandmother who who she couldn't operate safely in her feminine. That was basically it. So thank you very much for coming on the show, Bodhi. Give us your dot com one more time so we can find you on the interwebs. Yeah, www.-E dot com. And True Freedom is the podcast. And then Freedom and Flow is the mini course,

www.freedomandflow.com. And to your point around the most attractive thing to the feminine is a man who's present and on purpose. And any of the listeners who'd like to cultivate that, please reach out. Happy to help. There you go. So thanks, Matt, for reach out. Happy to help. There you go. So thanks, Maddox, for tuning in.

Go to goodreads.com, 4chesschrisfoss, linkedin.com, 4chesschrisfoss, chrisfoss1 on the TikTok, and chrisfossfacebook.com. Thanks for tuning in. Be good to each other. Stay safe. And we'll see you guys next time.