The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – From Fear to Peace: Growing Spiritually as a Dementia Caregiver by Linda Knebel Pruden

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

From Fear to Peace: Growing Spiritually as a Dementia Caregiver by Linda Knebel Pruden Lindaknebelpruden.com https://www.amazon.com/Fear-Peace-Spiritually-Dementia-Caregiver-ebook/dp/B0F7J3DJ3F An instant #1 New Release in Dementia. This spiritual growth book explores Linda Pruden’s experience as a dementia caregiver for her husband. Inspired by his own determination to find spiritual gifts embedded in the journey, her story provides encouragement for those living with a chronic illness and the people who love them. “A powerful read for caregivers facing the journey of caring for someone with dementia. Her growth and faith over years of caring for Rob is an amazing blend of self-discovery and acceptance. An incredibly validating and relatable read.” —Lisa M. Brown, MSW, LISW, caregiver services program coordinator for Lyngblomsten Community Services When Linda’s husband, Rob, was diagnosed with dementia, he described it as a gift and an opportunity to grow spiritually. As things grew more difficult, Linda remembered these words and began her mission to live out his hopes. Offering a fresh, positive outlook on serving as a dementia caregiver, From Fear to Peace is a reassuring road map for any faith-testing journey. Linda Knebel Pruden is an author and national speaker residing in St. Paul, Minnesota. She received her master’s degree in speech/language pathology from Purdue University, and went on to write five books for teachers, as well as her award-winning memoir, Reflections on a Changing Family. Having grown through the experience of being a caretaker, it is now her passion to help others unbury their own truths and find beauty in painful times. This book covers caring for dementia, but is also an essential read for . . . people hoping for spiritual growth and peace, those looking to effectively provide caregiver support, and families needing a guide for walking in grace. During the hardest of times, Linda’s words help readers to let go of expectations and hold tight to hope . . . it’s only then that we can move from fear to peace. “Linda has created tools that will guide you through those darkest hours of transitions and fears. It is a story of empowerment and gratitude.” —Kristin Burich, healing facilitator About the author Linda Knebel Pruden is an author and national speaker residing in St. Paul, Minnesota. She received her master’s degree in speech/language pathology from Purdue University, and went on to write five books for teachers, as well as her award-winning memoir, Reflections on a Changing Family. Having grown through the experience of being a caretaker, it is now her passion to help others unbury their own truths and find beauty in painful times.

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Because you're about to go on a monster education role. rollercoaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. I'm Vos of Vos here from thecris Foss Show.com. The airline single, the airline single that makes official. Welcome to the big show, as always for 26 years. 1,700 episodes going on 1,800 now. We've been bringing you the Chris Foss show, the wonderful guests, minds, and authors

on the show as well. Opinions expressed by guests on the podcast are solely their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host or the Chris Foss show. Some guests of the show may be advertising on the podcast, but it's not an endorsement or review of any kind. Today, we're amazing young lady on the show. We're going to be talking about her book and some of our insights and all of that good stuff. It is entitled, if I can find it really quick here and pull it up, we'll get that right.

It is entitled, From Fear to Peace, Growing Spiritally as a Dementia caregiver out May 13th, 2025 by Linda Pruden. Linda, I'm sorry. That's okay. It's Kniebel, but that's okay. Kniebel Pruden. So we'll get into it with her. and all that good stuff. And we're going to talk about her book, find out some of the details and all that. She's an author, a national speaker resigning in St. Paul, Minnesota. She's received her master's degree in speech, language pathology from Purdue University and went on to write five books for teachers.

In 1987, she was the first speech language pathologist to be named as a finalist for Texas teacher of the year. She has used her writing to tap into her experience as a mother of three and grandmother to seven. Her spiritual memoir, Reflections of a Changing Family, a Recipe Book of Life, received a Next Generation Indie Book Award. Her latest work from Fear to Peace explores her experience caring for her husband throughout his time with dementia and shares messages of hope and peace. Welcome to the show, Linda. How are you? Thanks. I'm glad to be here. So thanks, Chris. We're glad to have you as well. Give us any.com's websites, where we're really. want people to get to know you better on the internet.

I'm on Facebook at Linda Kniebel, K-N-E-B-E-L-Pruden, comma, author. And they can find me at Linda Kniebelprudin.com. So Linda, give us a 30,000 over you. What's inside your book? My book is filled with hope. When I, when my husband was diagnosed with dementia, it was a lot of fear-based, anticipation of what was going to come about. And everyone seemed to put their two cents in that it was a journey that would not be fun. And I was given books to read. And nothing in the books had anything

that I ever found that said there would be any positives in the journey. When I grew up, my mother always told me that rainbows follow every thunderstorm. So I've kind of lived my life that trying to find the rainbows and whatever trauma I had. And so I knew that this was going to be no different, that I could find some rainbows in this journey. But again, all the books I read and everything that was given to me was kind of a doomsday. My husband, who's a very spiritual man, before he lost his ability to talk, I asked him what he thought this was all about.

He said, Lynn, I think that it is a gift and a gift to keep us working toward growing spiritually and that gifts come through challenges. So when things became really difficult, I was like, I've got to find those gifts. Wow. And so the book is built around 19 spiritual insights that I found when I wrote my first book, trying to reframe my grandparents and my parents and our journey and trying to find out what were we supposed to learn through all the traumas that we had and we seemed to be repeating. While looking and reframing that journey, I came up with 19 spiritual insights that I have used

for the past years every time something would happen, I would go back and try to find the beauty and the journey through one of the insights. So that's what I used to reframe the journey. And I did, in fact, go from fear to peace. Ah, fear to peace. You know, there's a bit of empowerment there, isn't there? There is. And sometimes it's just how you look at things, switching a little bit of the way you view something,

and it changes the entire situation. Yeah. It's all about how we meet the perceptual. of how we meet things. I mean, we can, you know, something can happen and we can choose at least two paths, or wherever we go, you know, I'm just going to throw a pity party and cry and, and woe is me and why does the universe hate me and, and, you know, well, and so, kind of soak in some negative depression, or how can I meet this moment? And like you say, I like the use of the words reframe where you can reframe it and, you know, have a bit of gratitude or levity where

you're like, what is, what is, what is, what is, you know, valuable about this particular instance? How can I meet this in a positive way? And, you know, there's, there's, I think I copy this or Anthony Robbins, but, you know, there's two, two different people can go to a party and one can just watch the party from a negative sort of perception. And they're like, oh, I saw people just boring and hating it and they hated the party and they were just, they, they just weren't happy there. And the other person can be very positive and they can go to the party. me, oh, I saw everyone having a good time and talking. And both experiences are probably true because that's what the person saw. Although, I don't know, maybe it's not reality. It's just what you kind of see,

what you want to perceive or what you want to see sometimes. And so I love dreaming. You know, there's all sorts of things that can happen in life. You know, one of the things that I've lost about four dogs so far. We just started a fifth. And, you know, it's interesting. It's always It's been hard for me when my dogs passed, but when I get the new dog, the new puppy, I realized that part of this is a circle of life. This is a natural state of life, death and rebirth and all this stuff. And you have to appreciate the value of it because if we didn't have that sort of loss, where we didn't have need, we wouldn't put any value on any of it.

Life wouldn't mean anything if it didn't, you know, if it couldn't be lost, I suppose. Yeah, I totally agree. And what I learned or what I kind of figured out through all of this is that we have childhood things that frame who we are, who we think we are. And it was looking back on our childhoods to find what were we bringing into adulthood that maybe this journey with dementia would help us shed. And with my husband, he had never really received unconditional love. Oh, wow. And I think through the journey, he not only learned to have unconditional love, he became unconditional love. At the end of the journey, there wasn't a lot left except he emulated unconditional love to everybody that he was around. And I, as a child, became the people pleaser, the one that I'm a half.

happy person by nature. And I thought that's what defined me. So happy was what I showed the world. And I hid everything that wasn't the happy persona that everyone expected of me. Oh, wow. And so you can't really keep a happy persona all the time when you're a dementia caregiver. It's not an easy journey and I'm not trying to sugarcoat it for anybody. but I am trying in the book to show that there is beauty in the journey. And if I could, I'd like to go over some of the insights. Please do.

And if you could, if that includes setting it up too and telling us what, when was your husband diagnosed, when did you start down this journey? And what was the scenario and how did it develop? I think like everybody else probably, we denied it for years. Oh, really? And, you know, I saw little things. he gave up driving, but we said that was cataracts, you know, and he would misuse words. And I'm like, yeah, that's just the aging process. And he would feel I would talk to him like there was a void.

And I would think he's just still in his meditation because he meditated a lot. And so we denied, denied, denied until we couldn't anymore. And so he was officially diagnosed. And then about three years later, I mean, the progress. progression was fairly fast after that. Oh, wow. I interviewed him each year. The first year after he was diagnosed, I interview him, and that's when he said that

gifts come through challenges, and that he thought of as an opportunity for us to grow spiritually. The second year, I interviewed him. He said, we are not here to compete. We're here to learn. And the third year, I interviewed him, he said, love, peace, and joy. Those are the only things important in life. Definitely are satisfying, yeah. And when you think about it, what is more valuable than love and peace and joy?

And then after that, he was not able to, when I would ask him a question, he would just kind of look at me. But these insights that I found when I wrote my first book, I've kind of tried to use them throughout my years of looking at them when things were difficult. And so I went back and the book is really around these 19 insights. It starts out with just kind of framing the journey. And I call it losing Linda. When I lost who I was, I no longer I was crying all the time. It was, I just wasn't finding any beauty in life. Then I realized I needed to go and take these 19 insights and get rid of the fear and move it to peace.

And so some of the insights, one of them is giving up who you are is a much greater tragedy than losing your possessions. It didn't seem like, how was I going to find this? Because when I wrote my earlier book, we had a house fire that totally destroyed everything. And I realized losing your possessions really isn't that big a trauma. Losing who you are is. Yes. But here, what I was losing is I was losing me. I was caring for Rob.

I was kind in doing so, but I was losing who I was. I wasn't singing and dancing and smiling like I normally do. And then one day I had this little message and I like to listen to those little messages. And it said to paint my home, I had always been the one that let him kind of decide the colors. And so we had always had more masculine-looking homes. And I was told to paint our home in jewel tones or what I call. fairy tones. So I took a month, I mean, a week, and he painted right beside me or stood there while I painted. And after I changed the home, it was like it was saying, you're back,

Linda, and you're here, you're authentically here. So I put on some music and I started dancing, and before long, he joined me in our kitchen dance studio, I called it. And he had never danced. So this was a new thing because whenever I wanted to dance, that's not what he wanted to do. And for the first time now, he was dancing. And I realized that by reclaiming me and what I needed, I was helping him. Yeah. So from then on, when he was getting uptight or if I was, I would put on some music and we would dance. So that's just, and what the book is arranged in, I take these 19 spiritual insights and I try to find

something that happened, you know, I had journaled during the process, something that had happened that maybe was present that day or in the past, and how it was, how that particular insight was reframing the situation. And so I realized that we're not, when you're a caregiver, you're not on a selfless journey of helping your loved one. It's a shared journey. And that's a message I wanted to get across. So at the end, after I write, I call it the spiritual memoir section of the book. Then at the end of every chapter, I have Linda's thoughts for caregivers where I'm not telling them what to do, but I'm asking them to reflect and how does this show up in their life.

That's a really good point because it's a huge struggle to be a caregiver. It's a huge struggle because, I mean, you know, it's hard enough sometimes that we just have to care for ourselves and all our stuff. That's true. Yeah. And, you know, it's it's a big challenge. And then to watch someone disappear in front of you as a challenge as well, seeing them forget you, seeing them disappear. And, you know, that person that you've known for X, Y, Z amount of time, you know, they, they're disappearing slowly.

And, you know, I went through this with my sister. She started calling me once a week many years ago to wish me happy birthday every week. It was like every fourth caller that I would get. And at first I'd push back and be like, oh, Delaney, I saw my birthday. Are you okay? And then, you know, eventually it became clear that she was in the throes of dementia on top of her MS.

And so I would just thank her. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. And we just find the fun in it instead of the disturbing issue with her calling, wishing me happy birthday all the time. Because it would bother me. I'd correct it. And then I realized that it was better just to have fun with it with her,

make her feel good because she would get upset. She would cry. She would get confused, you know, those dementia patients do. It was better that I just had fun with it. And I just, oh, thanks, Lina. Thanks for wishing me happy birthday again this week. Absolutely. I mean, seriously, who has birthdays every week?

I mean, it's kind of a cool thing if you can. I didn't get presents every week, but, you know, it felt good. That was kind of a present. Yeah, there you go. Somebody actually remembers me. I found the same, I mean, one of the beauties, I know people think it's weird that I say that there's beauty and dimension, there's gifts and dementia. One of the greatest gifts is they live right in the moment. There is no past.

There is no future. So there are no worries. They're sad. but there's no regrets of the past. There's no worry of the future. It's just the now. And Rob would be, I mean, he wandered a lot and you have to protect them. But I would get him to sit.

And when he would sit, I would be like, finally, I can do something. So I would get out my phone or I would write or I would do something until one day I heard this message that said, stop doing and enter his word. world of being. And so I put away my phone. I put away what I was writing. I held his hand. I put my head on his shoulder. And I just was in the present moment, just being with the man I loved, not doing anything

else. And I found that to be the greatest of all the gifts that I got was learning to be present in the moment and not be having to do something all the time. We're taught, I think, as kids, my mom would say, you know, when we would sit down, she'd go, move, go do something. And so I learned that I was supposed to be doing something all the time. And I think our society is like that. Yeah.

And yet there's beauty in just being. And now every day I can spend lots of time just being in the moment. Yeah. Yeah. One of the things I got caught up when I was young, and it's something a lot of men get caught up on. We think that by doing things and taking care of people, that that's our way of showing love. But people need some, you know, one-on-one time, some face time, some present time of just having quality time with them. Instead of, you know, being off, doing things and things. I had the same kind of challenge with my dogs.

I recently got a new puppy, and they've been kind of old enough where they're going and doing things like my older dogs used to do together out in the yard. I don't know what they do half the time out there, but they're up to something. But I realized that my one dog has been, the new puppy has been really just freaking out every time he gets around me. He's jumping on me. He's clawing at me. He's biting at me. And it's a little bit of habit. But what he's trying to do is he's trying to get me to be present with him.

He's trying to get my attention. And I'm just kind of treating him like one of my older dogs. I don't have to give a lot of attention to. You know, the last dog, you know, we had 10 years of, you know, history. And, of course, her, she was like, I've had enough of this guy after 10 years, you know. She didn't care much. She was good. She wanted some.

She'd let you know. She'd just come visiting. I need some treats or something. But my little dog evidently needs a way more being present than what I've been kind of doing the past month that we got. her. So, you know, last night I started sitting down and just petting her and just spending time with her instead of trying to go buy new treats or, you know, do my thing and pet them when they come in the office. I've been actively going and trying to spend more time with him just by sitting down, petting him, and he likes to sit near me or lay at my feet. And that's what

they like, that present, being present moment. And that's what so many of us don't do. We get caught in like you say the chasing this, taking care of that and doing this and that, when really sometimes just sitting with a person and you don't even have to talk to them sometimes. Sometimes sitting with a person, the bodies energize and talk amongst each other and you're just, you're just there and you feel each other. And I think that's sometimes more healing and important than anything else. I totally agree. And also you were talking about your sister and how she called you for a happy birthday all the time.

You know, when they, it was hard for Rob to communicate. I would talk in different accents to him, and he would think that was really funny. Oh, really? And so that playfulness, I, it's hard to see your husband who has always been so competent, revert back. But he was kind of like a two-year-old, and they do throw temper tantrums. And Rob did throw temper tantrum sometimes, but usually it was because he wasn't understood. Yeah. Or because things were too complicated or he thought he messed up.

And dancing and playfulness really, really helped. And lighten my load as well. Yeah. It made things more fun. I could just have fun with it. I know we talked about how they live in the present. And that's why they say the thing. He would say something that he would say something.

say it again, then he would say it again. And being a speech-language pathologist by nature, that never bothered me because I was used to kids doing the same thing. But I saw some people who reacted so negatively, and they would say things like, I just told you that. But if we reframe it to see that they're in the moment, they don't remember what they just said. They're in that moment. Just learning to live in the moment, I think it's such a beautiful way, actually, for us to live. Yeah. And caregivers can get really bogged down. They can get really overwhelmed. A lot of times they don't take care of themselves. And so they end up kind of, you know, on the ropes. It's very draining, you know, the emotionality of it too is very hard, you know, like I said,

watching someone disappear, you know, worrying about the future, worrying about them. But, Like you say, just being present sometimes is the best thing for everyone. Enjoy the moment. You know, I'm always, there's a line that I like from Billy Joel. This is a time to remember because it will not last forever. And, you know, these are the moments you have to remember is what the focus is there. Because they don't last forever. You know, we all lose people and we lose things in life.

And God, you wish I could have spent more time with that person. And so now is the time and being present. I mean, that's probably one of the great things. and piece of advice to give to caregivers at all is to maybe just live as opposed to trying to, you know, fight the fight. What's inevitable? That's inevitably going to happen, you know, it's going to, you know, it's going to go bad in the end either way. I mean, enjoy what you can, what you have, what you can, I guess. Yeah, and that was another thing. One of the insights is gratitude expressed is direct communication with God. And, you know,

taught, be thankful for what you have, be thankful for your things. And I realized I had put gratitude away because it's hard to be grateful for seeing your husband that you've known as so competent, not be able to do things. But I started thinking, you know what, I'm grateful that he's still here. I'm grateful that I can hold his hand. I'm grateful that we can go for a walk and he sees the beauty in the trees, that that childlike beauty that he sees is, it just made a spark in my life. To go through and see his eyes through more childlike behavior, open my eyes to, yes, we can thank for our things, but to think that the sun is shining or to think that that tree is now a beautiful, glorious tree with colors, those things are gratitude.

that I now appreciate more than I ever have. And so that was something else that I gained. Yeah. Gratitude is so great in keeping yourself grounded, too, I think. Sometimes we get into these things where we deserve everything. We're entitled to everything and spoiled and don't get our way and get upset about it. But having gratitude really is the thing of appreciating what you have because sometimes what you have is going to be gone soon. And that's what you kind of see with dementia and care patients, you know, that their health is probably on the downslope.

They're disappearing every day. You know, it's a challenge. But all you can do is enjoy the moments you have and the time you can spend with someone or something. And just live every day. I've done that with my dogs in hospice care where every day is a good. And every day in day is a brick of gold. I used to call it. And we get this day.

And I don't know what comes tomorrow, but we get today. And that's the brick of gold. And so be thankful for what you have. Don't sit there and go, God, this horrible thing happened to me and why me and poor is me and poor pity party and yada, yada, yada. And then, I mean, I think some people go through them the way through their steps of grief. But, you know, having that gratitude, having that value, realizing, you know, how valuable life is, how valuable the time that we spend with each other is is so important. And I'm glad you give caretakers a lead on this because we have a lot of caretakers who write books on the show about, you know, how to deal with these situations. And it's tough.

It's tough on both parties. But I think caretakers, I mean, caretakers have a camera in the numbers I've top of my head. Someone can Google them if you're listening. But they have a high suicide rate. They have a high depression rate. In fact, they also caretakers have a higher, I think it's times seven or ten times higher chance of getting Alzheimer's, dementia. themselves because it takes such a toll on their bodies and their brains to take care of someone else. And so that's a huge factor in managing, you know, the stress that you're under and being a

caretaker. The other thing that I learned is that we're not in this alone. I was raised in that time period where women, we were the caregivers. We were, and we could do it all, you know, we were not supposed to ask for help. We're supposed to do it all. And yet what I found is that we can't lose ourselves. So I helped reclaim myself by the painting and then the dancing. But there's more things.

You know, I missed time with my friends. And what I found is that we have to find a way to reclaim the part of us that makes us who we are. And so I had to put aside, we had an accident in Tennessee. that put me in the hospital and took out my entire right arm, so I was going to be non-functioning. And it required that I asked for help. And what I found is what I asked for help is that everyone was there. Everyone came to my aid offering things. That we get this idea that we have to do it all, but really we don't.

And another thing from my advice for caregivers is to what is that? passion that defines you and find a way to keep it. So whatever it is, if you like to talk to friends, find a way to talk to them. Either bring them to your house or talk to them on the phone or whatever, but you can't give up everything that you love because then you will become resentful or I knew I didn't want to become resentful. The other thing I think I had to learn is not only to to let go. I kept getting the message, let go and let God. You know, it is what it is and enjoy the journey and learn from it and profit from it. But I also had to learn to let go and let friends. That we're not in this alone. We have people who want to help. There are resources that are out there

and we need to acknowledge that we can't do it all ourselves. It's, it is. It is. is, like you said, it's not an easy journey. But it is a journey that I found is filled with opportunities for growth. I'm not the same person. I don't see how you could be a caregiver and come out to be the same person, but I'm a better, more authentic me. Think it's more in women, maybe than men that were taught not to be angry. And so I never showed, I didn't show anger. I don't think Rob ever saw me angry. But when he's urinating all over the house, it's a little hard. It's a little tricky not to feel that anger coming.

And so I had to find a way because if you think of a toddler, and that's how I saw Rob, if you think of a toddler, if you get angry at him, they're going to throw a temper tantrum. They're going to do something. And with Rob, it would be he would leave the house and he would wander off. And that's not safe. And that's not safe. So I had to find a way to release my anger, but at the same time, not let him know that the anger was from something that he cost. I learned some very fun swear words that I never allowed myself to use.

And the one I liked to start with the F word, and it became my favorite, Chris. And I, unfortunately, or fortunately, I'm not sure which, but it's now part of my everyday vocabulary. as my daughter says, mom, it's sounding really natural on you now. I never allowed myself to show anger. I didn't want to upset anybody because I was a people pleaser. But what I realized that people pleasing is just another word for avoidance of judgment. Not a people pleaser anymore. I tell people how I feel and I think I'm more authentic and that's something else that I learned that we are not to hide who we are. We're supposed to be our authentic selves and we all have good sides and not so good sides. I don't know about you, but I have not so good sides.

And so I learned that it's okay that people who truly love you, they're not going to leave you. And people who will judge you for that probably weren't your friends anyway. Yeah, that's true. You know, it's a good swear word here and there. You know, it's good to sometimes it's good just to kind of express how you feel and be like, damn it. And then you just go, okay, I'm going to pick it up and fix it. All right. But, yeah, so it's good to just kind of express it and kind of shoot out of your system.

And then you're not dealing with it anymore. Damn it. All right. Let's do better. Absolutely. So it's kind of a quick way to release the anger and whatever you're feeling at the moment. And then at least it works that way for me. And then I can be like, okay, pick it up and go.

And somebody will be like, what were you upset about? I'm like, it's something now. I just let it out. Sometimes that word does just release. everything. So I learned that. I have a lot of gratitude for that because it has become part of my daily ritual. Wake up in the morning and start off with the F word. That's the way I have it. I try to start the day with gratitude. I'm going to choose that one. That's what I meant. Yeah. Another thing that I learned is that one of the things is spiritual

communication transcends earthly words. And that is certainly true with people who have dementia. I noticed Rob out in public. He would say things like, she didn't hit me on the head today. I don't know why he said that, but every time he saw someone, he would say, she didn't hit me on the head today. So I would say little things like, oh, yeah, I can't because it's not Thursday. I don't know why I picked Thursday. Or I've only hit you three times. I could have hit you 10. Just to make it fun. Yeah, you got to make it fun. But what I realized is that no one ever said, why did he say that? Huh.

So his meaningless conversation sometimes, people didn't react too negatively. I think they felt that pure love come through. And so what I realized is that I spent my entire career teaching children how to talk. But really, it's the end. intent behind the words that has more impact, even in the words themselves. And I thought, if I can communicate with Rob without saying anything and he can communicate his love with me with just a handheld, that maybe when he passes, which he did, I can still feel that love, even when I can't see him or hear him. So, yeah. But the other thing I learned is that words are,

And one of my things, words are powerful messages to our souls that need to be used wisely. And I realized that all my life, I had said things like, you're not good enough. You're not smart enough. You're not pretty enough. You're not kind enough. Because life just seemed to be this competition that I hated. We all compete. And so one of the things that I also learned is that I had been talking cruelly to myself for years. Oh, wow. And then I needed to stop that. So I wrote affirmations on my mirror and I repeated them.

And at first, they felt kind of foreign. But now I can say things and believe them. And one of my mottoes that I really believe is strength through vulnerability. So that we don't need to be that people. people pleaser. We don't need to be that perfect person that goes out into the world. We just need to be our authentic selves. And people either like us or they don't. I say if they don't like me, that's their problem. Because I'm a nice person. So I'm not sure why they don't. But if they don't, I no longer worry like I used to about it. Oh my gosh, that person doesn't like me. What could I do to win them back?

Blah, blah, blah. I'm like, if they don't like me, you know, that's just something that, I'm okay with. Yeah. I mean, I've been on the internet for 18 years with social media and doing videos and all the stuff that we do. And there's a whole lot of people that don't like you. And it really doesn't matter. I mean, I think for sometimes your reflection of failures of those people, you know, they have their issues, their traumas, their whatever. You know, I heard, yeah, what was the that I saw recently?

I saved the TikTok video. But I heard someone say, I never have haters of someone who's more successful than me. I never have people that hate on me or are haters in my social media feed. There are never people more successful than me. Interesting. And he says, there are always people who aren't as successful as me. And maybe I just represent the fact that if they worked harder, they could be successful too. But instead they just sling, you know, poop at me.

Yeah, it's kind of an interesting sort of perspective. What are your thoughts on, you know, one of the problems is caregivers don't take care of themselves. They give and they give and they give until they have nothing left. And the problem is, is we talk about this concept a lot on the show and especially in caregiving. You have to put your oxygen mask on first on the planet if there's an issue because you can't help others if you don't have any oxygen. And so you kind of have to do that. And as a caregiver, it's easy to get lost. I think especially as a women, because women are designed to be caregivers.

They're designed to be family-oriented and support everyone. But so, you know, and moms are guilty of this. My mom was guilty of this, too. She was always the last person to eat. You know, she'd feed her family first. And, you know, I've talked to a lot of moms. And they're like, yeah, I just eat the leftovers. That's basically where I'm at now.

I eat the whatever the chicken fingers, the kids won't eat, you know. And so how did you square that? and find a way to make it so that you took care of yourself. I think we've touched on some of it throughout the show. Yeah, I think that's a big portion of what I try to show caregivers is that it really is a shared journey. It's not a journey of sacrifice. It's a journey of growth. And to me, the end goal is for unconditional love of yourself.

And once you have unconditional love of yourself, only then can you. you have unconditional love for someone else. And you have to take care of yourself. So it's little things like knowing that it's okay to say, I need help. People want to help you. It's okay to cry. It's okay to dance and sing if that's what you like. I tell people, what have you given up that says who you are?

And that's what you have to reclaim. So I like to do, I used to do watercolors, but I also also like to dance and sing. The watercolors was going to be hard because he would always be right there. He was never more than two inches away from him, basically. And so you have to, you have to find time. And another thing that I was able to find is my voice that would say to him, Rob, I really need you to let me have a little room right now. I really need you to scoot over.

I really need you to not be in my face right now. And he respected that, which surprised me. But also to say to people, I'm crashing. I need some help here. Can you just talk to me? Just talk to me and listen. Also, what I did is that we've always gone to bed at the same time. It's just we always did.

And I started staying up, so I would put him to bed, and I started staying up one to two hours after he went to bed. And at first that meant just giving up sleep. Eventually, then he started needing more sleep than I did. But during that time, I reclaimed, I like to take baths to relax sometimes at the end of a day. And I was not able to do that because he was. He was always there. He would be going to step in the tub if I didn't say not to. So he was always there.

So I had to put him to bed, make sure he was safe, and then take my one to two hours for myself. And I think people need to realize you're not being selfish when you take care of yourself. You are becoming the person that will have some reserve then to give the love that you want to give. Because you don't have anything to give if you have exhausted yourself. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah.

You got out of reserve. And so one of the insights is that inner peace is the greatest possession one can have. And if we don't have inner peace, then I think we've given up. That's a goal. So if I find myself not having inner peace, then I realize I'm giving too much. If I don't have it now, I know, take care of yourself, Linda. What are you going to do?

Did you have a, go ahead. Go ahead. No, caretakers need to take care of themselves. I really was at the end at peace with our journey. I knew that he had finally understood that he deserved unconditional love because that's what he got. And he also gave that to everybody he met. What a gift that was. And at the end, I realized that I am stronger than I ever thought I would be, but not stronger with bitterness.

I'm just strength through vulnerability, through allowing myself to be who I am at any moment in time without this need that I need to squelch who I am or become less than who I am so that I don't offend somebody else. Yeah. offend everybody at this point. That's my part. I try not to purposely offend, but. Sure, yeah. It's not my goal in life, Chris. It's mine. That's how I roll. I offend everybody. I'm an equal opportunity offender. You haven't offended me so far. I mean, you know, I'm nice to some people. I'm nice to the people in the show. Let's put that way. Nice to my guess because it brings such amazing intelligence.

I do a lot of self-offending things to myself. I self-affaferending things to myself. I self-affafering. Jocene jokes. But no, it's the thing that caregiver struggle with. Like I say, they suffer higher amounts of Alzheimer's dementia because they give so much of themselves that they really just drain themselves dry. And, you know, the long hours, the sleepless nights, the worrying. And I think, you know, some of what you're talking about, you know, instead of worrying maybe so much, just try and enjoy day to day. You know, that's kind of what I can. to with my dog that was in hospice care. I just focused on every day having the best day we could. And I use this, you've heard me, I said it earlier, you know, I use this thing. Today is a brick of gold.

So how are we going to use it? How are we going to maximize it? I don't know what tomorrow's going to bring. I don't know if she's going to be there tomorrow. I'm not going to worry if she's going to be there tomorrow. We're going to enjoy today. We're going to spend time and make the most of it and be present like you talked about and have fun. You know, my dog would come running for treats still. Love to be fed, love to be petted, love to play, you know, no matter how old she got or how tough it was sometimes to get around. She still want to play like the other dog and she still want to have fun. And, you know, it was always cool to see her come running to get a treat, you know. And yeah, she went out like a king queen too. She was fed like raw meat. She let a raw meat diet for last year and a half of her life. She ate like a queen.

So she was living life. My other dog was like, what the hell, man? I actually renamed my husband because the rob I knew was basically, I didn't find him, so I could mourn him. Or I started calling him Robsy because he was more childlike. And so I embraced that. And that now I grieve both Rob and Robsy because I grew to love that person who was more free-spirited, more. see how sad at times? I mean, I'm not saying that we didn't cry.

We did. We cried a lot together. But when you strip things down from a relationship that's been, I mean, we knew each other 55 years, when you strip it all down, what's the essence of everything is just love? The relationship we had was gone, but the love was still there. And I found that, you know, what I'm hoping. my book is, it's not a how-to book. Because we're all different. We're all, we're all different people on our own journeys. No journeys are the same. No two people are the same. But I wanted to be a reflection of hope that there are, there's beauty in the journey. We just have to reframe how we see

some things. And to learn, there's no one that has gone through this journey that doesn't come out stronger. You just have to or you don't come out. Yeah. Or it'll destroy you if you're it destroys you. And so it's just finding that those gifts in the journey and realizing that love, peace, and joy. What Rob said is what life is all about. That's what I found at the end. The only thing left in our world was love, peace and joy together. And I miss it. Those are the things you miss. So that's why they're important to share at the moments that you can experience them

with that person, being present. So Chris, people don't know this, but I had trouble getting online. So now I'm on my phone, which was not fully charged. So now it's saying 20% battery just to let you know. Okay, thank you. We're about 50 minutes in. So we're beyond kind of where we would normally be in the show. But we've been doing such a great job of fleshing this out and all this stuff.

Here's something really awesome. My friend, let me borrow your book. I just want to say thank you for changing some of my visions. Wow. Oh. That wonderful. Thanks, Don't know. I've gotten some really good feedback on Goodreads and on Amazon.

And that's where my book right now can be purchased is on Amazon. But I've gotten some good feedback that people, even that weren't caregivers of dementia. It's kind of a book to how to reframe trauma in general. Yeah. To look at it through. the lens. If there's one thing I want people to get out of this is we're not victims. We're not being punished.

We are being opportunities to become better people. And my goal, again, is to reach that unconditional love of self that allows me to have unconditional love of others. And I think my husband attained that. I'm still working toward it. it's an ongoing process but I am a more authentic person than I've ever been in my lifetime and I like that yeah these journeys that we go on that we you know what's that old saying now which doesn't kill us makes us stronger you know I was telling my nephew last night we

were doing some gaming and I said he was complaining about something I said I said you know let me tell you something all of life is moment to moment hour by hour minute by am in it is problem solving. You're going to go through your whole life having problems. Now, maybe it's a simple problem. Do I turn left or right or which way is the map on the, you know, where I'm going to eat the tacos or pizza, you know, actually that's a very complex problem right there. Those are both really great things. But, you know, the true answer is have both at the same time, folks. And you eat your dessert first. Anyway, but, I love her, dad. I mean, you know, hey, enjoy life, man. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

tough. It's scary. It's ugly. It's not pretty. And like you say, we can get caught up in these concepts of someone in the sky hates us or fate hates us or the universe hates us or somebody's out to get me. It's the Illuminati who's clearly trying

to destroy my life. Whatever your thing is. The sun god is not happy with you today. Pick your poison. But in reality, there are challenges in life and, you know, bad things happen to good people. It It is. That's the way it is. The universe is one big survival game, really, when it comes down to it. And so you've got to survive these challenges that you're presented with. You've got to survive the things. And reframing, I mean, so important what you've talked about in surviving because if you don't, it makes it much harder to survive. And sometimes, you know, people can drain themselves through feeling victimhood, through feeling, you know. And that's what.

a lot of people sometimes self-harm themselves and end themselves. It's because they feel like they're in a victimhood. They feel like they're in a place where they can't correct or they can't find the way out. And sometimes that's what's good about talking to other people is because you can get perspective. And a lot of people have the answers. That's why we do the shows, because people like yourself come on with stories about challenges and experiences they had in the blueprint that they used to survive and come out of those and become even better people. and, you know, that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And it's kind of a, it's kind of a, I wish it wasn't that way, but it is what it is.

But, you know, I think it's like a roller coaster. You know, a roller coaster is only fun because it comes up and down. If a roller coaster only was smooth, it wouldn't be fun. So we have to enjoy the valleys if we're also enjoying the peaks. They make the journey the journey. Otherwise, they would become stagnant. And my last spiritual insight was all events are positive, even if at first only the sorrow of the situation is evident. And that is probably the message that I want to impart is that when you hear that your loved one has dementia, of course, it's going to be a hard journey.

And of course, it's going to be a grieving process. But there will be positives. There will. We just have to put on those blinders and live in the present moment is what I just live in the beautiful present moment without fear of the future or regrets of the past. Just live there. And what a beautiful place to stay. Oh, yeah. I mean, I was going through a hard time in my life one time and I was really being overwhelmed with ADHD.

and I already have it bad just on the normal day. But it was over the death of my dog that I took through cancer treatment. And somebody turned me on to Eckhart Toll. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And he really saved me. My brain was just smacking me relentlessly, just abusing me to a point that I just want to turn it all off. And he talked about even present.

You can't change the past. There's no you sitting and crying about it, worrying about it, and trying to, you know, You can't change the past. You can't change the future either. The only way you can really affect the future is in the present by being present. So if you're sitting around all day worrying about the future, oh, poor is me, why did this happen to me? What will it become of me? Be worrying of the past.

You know, we had great times. Now we don't have them anymore. You can't change any of that. The only thing you can change is your future and your present and also how you reframe, how you meet the moment. You know, I studied a lot of Stoicism and Marcus Aurelius meditations and a lot of it is how you are going to perceive and react to the thing. Are you going to emotionally flip out, you know, lose control, you know, go into depression or pity party, or are you going to meet the moment with logic and go, okay, this is bad. This doesn't feel great, but how am I going to, you know, meet the moment, how I'm going to reframe it? How can I build something positive out of it?

And that's really the difference, I think, between greatness and, you know, sometimes getting a little off the given path. I mean, some people can go down that path and they can come back. You know, we all go through the steps of grief. I hate the stages of grief. I hate when something happens and you're like, oh, God, I got to go through all stages of grief and experience that. But, you know, like you say, love, life, loss, it wouldn't be valuable if it was, if it didn't have any value. If it wasn't something you could lose or be taken away from you, if love was so fleeting or hard to find wouldn't have any value. You'd just be like, oh, here's this love again.

It's just like a gallon of milk I got out the shelf again. Oh, boring love, whatever. Who cares? It's like going to Hawaii when every day is the same. I live in Minnesota. Every day is not the same here. You guys got a lot of snow and cold up there. It was 54 today, so not so cold.

Oh, that's sunbathing weather up there, isn't it? It's nice. It's got on your bikinis. Absolutely. Shorts. People were out in shorts. Yeah. I almost bought some black husky wolves hybrids from out of Minnesota back in years when I started buying things.

That's some beautiful dogs. Let's wrap the show before we run out of juice on the phone there, Linda. Give us your dot com. Just give us a final pitch out. Tell people where they can pick up your book and all that good stuff. They can pick up my book from fear to peace, growing spiritually as a dementia caregiver. on Amazon currently. Hopefully in the near future will be other places, but that's where it is now.

And you can also contact me through Linda Kniebel, K-N-E-B-E-L-Pruiden, comma author on Facebook or Linda Kniebelprudin.com and my website. Wonderful stuff. Thank you very much, Linda, for coming and sharing this. There's so many people that are sharing this. I just learned a new term really this week called The Sandwich Generation. and I didn't, someone brought it up and they do caregiving as well and they go, yeah, I'm part of the sandwich generation. I'm someone who has kids in their middle age and I'm making sandwiches for them and I have a mother or father that I'm making sandwiches for that's going into dementia that needs care and all that stuff.

And so I'm taking care of two ends of children, if you will. And it just is what it is. I mean, that's just the way we're rolling now. we kind of live in a different world where, you know, most people didn't live past, what, 50 or 60, 100 years ago. Right. You know, we have a whole new kind of problems we're trying to deal with and fix and everything else. So thank you very much, Linda, for coming on the show and sharing your message and journey. And thank you for putting up with my lack of technology skills and getting everything set up.

We got to it. I had my hair all set for earphones. Is what it is. That's okay. That's why you wear a hat from the Chris Foss show during the show. That's what I do. Thanks, Chris. And I hope that people that read my book do find some peace and hope in it.

If one person can find a little bit a glimmer of positive, it's not sugarcoated. I don't sugarcoat the journey. I mean, I talk about him urinating throughout the house, which was one of the things that really was difficult to deal with and other things. I do that now, though, so I might remember myself. Okay, that's your own issue, Chris. But I love your reframing and stuff. I mean, that's really, when things happen to you, sometimes you have to take a moment and be like, how do I meet this moment? And, you know, a lot of times if you meet it with negativity and pity party and woe is me, you're losing time that you need to deal with the moment.

And it's not going to be helpful usually. It's just going to usually make the moment worse. And sometimes just pulling up our big boy pants. or big girl pants and being the moment and and you know discovering ourselves too i mean that's the interesting thing about you know we've talked about that as you go through these things you discover a lot about yourself through these moments anyway thank you for coming on linda thanks for on it for sure on it's true for sure book folks wherever fine books are sold it's called from fear to peace growing spiritually as a dementia caregiver may 13 2025 and i'm going to go read a book on

how not to pee all over the house so my god I'm glad I inspired you to do that. My dogs do it. I mean, what's wrong with it? They mark their territory. I do, mine too.

I got to put it in the car, though, because the dates hate that. Anyway, like a man, not like a woman. You know, it's funny.

It's my new puppy. He pees like a girl. He doesn't lift his leg. Oh, so the context is I've had four female huskies, and this is my first male husky. And he peeped, they weren't the previous owner.

on me, they go, he pees like a girl. And he literally pees standing on all fours. He doesn't lift his leg. And he ends up peeing on the front of his or the back of his front paw. I don't know. Maybe there's a book you can write on how to get people from not people. I'll let you do that one. Okay.

Thanks a lot, Chris. Thank you. And thanks for us for tuning in. Be good to each other. Stay safe. We'll see you next time. You've been listening to the most amazing intelligent podcast ever made to improve your brain and your life.

Warning. Consuming too much of the Chris Walsh Show podcast can lead to people thinking you're smarter, younger, and irresistible sexy. Consume in regularly moderated amounts. Consult a doctor for any resulting brain bleed. Linda, and we're out.