The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Grace Yourself: How to Show Up for the Sober Life You Want by Chris Janssen

Episode Date: January 4, 2025

Grace Yourself: How to Show Up for the Sober Life You Want by Chris Janssen Chrisjanssencoaching.com Amazon.com Chris Janssen’s Grace Yourself is a guide for anyone struggling with addiction to move beyond self-limiting behavior into a life of fullness and freedom. Alcohol had a hold on Chris Janssens’s actions and thoughts until she made the life-changing decision to attend a support meeting and realized two truths: it wasn’t her fault and she wasn’t alone. Once she was embraced by a community that offered a nonjudgmental look at her struggles, Chris discovered that if she wanted to have a full and lasting life, alcohol could have no part. In Grace Yourself, a humble account of Chris’s transformation to an alcohol-free life, she offers a hand to others who are experiencing similar struggles, whether their addiction is alcohol or anything else. With heaps of grace, Chris shares the ups and downs of her journey while teaching you how to get curious and ask questions that move you forward. There is zero shame in her approach, and her expertise in coaching will help you let go of what’s holding you back so you can live a full and free life. Grace Yourself will help you: Get crystal clear on what you want and why you want it. Identify limiting beliefs keeping you stuck. Create sustainable narratives that serve you and your goals. This is a book for recovering sobriety after relapse, recovering perfectionists, and for anyone who desires to release controlling thoughts. Grace Yourself will help you realize that your worth is not dependent upon your actions or mistakes but, rather, your value and power is within you now to live the extraordinary life you want. About the author Chris Janssen, MA, BCC, is a leading results coach in performance and mindset and award-winning, bestselling author whose unique style has energized hundreds of sought-after athletes, creatives, soldiers, entrepreneurs, and small businesses internationally to close the gap between where they are and where they want to be. As a board-certified coach with a master’s in counseling psychology and 20+ years’ experience, Chris excels in helping high-achieving perfectionists navigate performance pressure, overcome self-sabotage, re-write narratives, and attach meaning to life events and circumstances beyond our control through utilizing her successful and sustainable Living All In methods. A California native, Chris lives in Los Angeles with her husband since 1995, Scott. They love to ski, golf, be with their horses, and adventure outside. Together they raised three children, now thriving young adults.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready, get ready, strap yourself in. Keep in keep your hands arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain now here's your host chris voss hi folks it's voss here from the chris voss show.com the ladies and gentlemen there are these things that makes it official welcome to the show we certainly appreciate you guys being here.

As always, the Chris Voss Show is a family that loves you but doesn't judge you. And also, we don't loan you money. Stop asking already. Go to goodreads.com, 4chesschrisvoss, linkedin.com, 4chesschrisvoss, chrisvoss1, the tiktokity, and chrisvossfacebook.com. You can see all the groups we have over there. She's the author of the newest, hottest book come out february 18th 2025 called grace yourself how to show up for the sober life you want out in february by chris jansen we'll be

talking about her about her story her insights and how she helps other people make their lives better chris hansen is a leading results coach in performance and mindset, an award-winning best-selling author whose unique style has energized hundreds of sought-after athletes, creative soldiers, entrepreneurs, and small businesses internationally to close the gap between where they were and where they want to be. Welcome to the show, Chris. How are you? I am great. Love your intro. I feel like I'm about to go on a roller coaster ride. That's what we do here. Need the harness on.

Lock yourself in. So give us your dot coms. Where can people find you on the interwebs? ChrisJansenCoaching.com and until book launch February 18th, GraceYourselfBook.com. So give us a 30,000 000 overview what's inside your new book oh my new book is the subtitle is how to show up for the sober life you want the subtitle of my first book is which is living all in how to show up for the life you want so i say that because i think that is important um to one get the life that we want, the things we want, the goals we want, and then teaching people tools to show up for that. Showing up, we want to show up when life is good and it's easy to show up. And theoretically, we know it's a good idea to have a nice positive mindset and

show up for things. And also, how do we do that when it's not as easy. And so I give in both books, all kinds of tips and tools for showing up when the going gets tough. And in the second one, it is specifically, I share my story with sobriety to help people who may be struggling with an addiction, a harmful habit, controlling thoughts, perfectionism. It doesn't have to be specific to alcohol, but I did have an addiction to alcohol. And so I share that story in order to help and present these coaching tools in the second book. Oh, so can you give us a small synopsis of what that was like and you're dealing with alcohol and overcoming it? Sure. Small synopsis. So 2007, I got sober from

alcohol. I was a person, I was a mom of three small kids, married a wife. I still am a wife. We just been married nearly 30 years. The kids are all in their twenties now. Back in 2007, though, I knew something was not right with my relationship with alcohol. I knew I wasn't good at drinking. I knew it was going to kill me if I didn't figure out a way to stop. And it wasn't, I was a housewife at home. I drank while I was cooking. It wasn't obvious to anybody yet. Yet's a big word. Yet, except for my husband, in the outside. So when I asked people about it, I asked my pastor about it. I hired a therapist and asked about it.

I asked my medical doctor about it. And I think people were giving the best advice they knew how to in 2007, you know, oh honey, that you don't, you don't need recovery. You're fine. I just really looked from the outside like I had it all together. Actually from the outside, I looked the same way I look today. So it was an internal struggle and I knew I needed to do something. So I did look up a recovery support group in the middle of the night one night and went the next day to a women's group. It was a 12-step group. And that was the day I had my last drink for 14 years.

A woman in the group said, who knew it was my first time, said, it's not your fault. You have a condition. It's like an allergy. and you never have to have another drink again. And to me, that was this huge belief shift because I thought I was a monster because I couldn't stop drinking. And which was weird because I was succeeding in all the other aspects of my life, but I took the one thing I couldn't control and, and made this monster narrative about it. And, and once I found other people like me who wanted to help me with a solution, it just completely shifted my belief to from I'm a

monster to, I am just an addicted woman deserving of a support group and recovery. Yeah. You're another human being well you know we we all that's the beauty of stories and the guests that we have on the show and the books they write and the cathartic lessons they teach each other is you never know who needs this to hear this what were some of the signs you know if if i'm out there listening and maybe i'm like do i have a problem what were some of the signs that you felt you know it sounds like you were kind of what they sometimes term a functioning alcoholic where you can function from the outside you know you're not laying on the ground puking all day long so you're you have a functioning thing but you know you have a problem you know you maybe

have an addiction where you can't say no you can't stop what were some of the signs if people are out there in the in the audience that maybe you're seeing some signs and they're wondering that you were seeing that you concerned you. I love this question. The functioning is yes and no functioning. If I wasn't drinking, if I was driving the kids to school, if I was pregnant, if I was, you know, functioning, if I wasn't drinking, then the times when I would drink though, like I said, if I was home, you know, maybe I put the kids to bed and then said, I need to clean up the kitchen and then would get drunk. I was, I was, I was a blackout drunk. I would blackout, vomit, almost die. My husband would have to,

it wasn't pretty. And so it was a huge difference of what people saw during the day or when I wasn't drinking. And in alcohol, you know, it's a condition that's progressive. It gets progressive as we age and it's progressive over time. Had I not found recovery when I did, that would definitely, I'm a hundred percent sure that would have started to be obvious in the day in front of people. I just, I am one of the lucky ones that found recovery. My kids have still never seen me drunk. Yeah. Yeah. You went through uh we talked about this in the pre-show i dated a a young woman who was two kids who had an weekend alcohol problem and so it wouldn't it was really hidden from me she kept all the booze uh down where underneath the sink where you know

they're just sanitized are and that's the place i don't go because i don't clearly i haven't like a year why do that yeah why bother i mean sometimes the aroma never mind anyway just get used to it people don't sit by you it's kind of nice it's kind of you get that six foot covid thing going on where people sit 10 feet away from you and you're like this is nice i have this whole suction of myself you figured it out it's great when you go on planes too anyway don't do that folks but she was a weekend alcoholic now something was kind of interesting about her if you're out there in the audience listening was her her physiology would change so she was not a fun drunk you know most of us think when we drink we you know we're kind of fun and tell some jokes and we're just kind of relaxing

enjoying ourselves she was the complete opposite and and she would Physiologically change I think I think that basically the story of dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde is is built around these type of people And so she would become a very mean vicious Person when she would drink and I've seen what it's like to See a three-year-old daughter cleaning up her mom's puke in the morning. And it's not pretty. So you're lucky that way.

She eventually died of potassium deficiency from the alcohol. And, you know, she had plenty of opportunities that we did to get her into things. Her family put her in rehab a couple times. But, you know, demons are demons. And I think it's great that you're telling your story, that you're helping people understand the dynamics of what's out there and what can happen. Because, you know, shame is probably a big thing that maybe sometimes people avoid keeping, getting help for alcoholism and other drug addiction. You know, admitting you have a problem, you know, is the first step. Yeah, shame and stigma. So I would love for all of us to just that they're useless.

Shame is useless. Guilt. Now guilt. I say, I talk about this in the book can have a little bit, it can guide us a bit if it's healthy guilt, right? Maybe there's a different direction we need to go.

Don't heap shame on ourselves. Those shame. I do not think ever has a place in our lives. Yeah. It doesn't, it doesn't really help us get to where we want. In fact, it kind of makes us hide and try and bury whatever is causing a shame more. And the, you know, sunlight is the greatest disinfectant. That's why people in AA, you know, when they come out and they go, they go, Hey, you know, I, the first thing is it being a problem. Congratulations too. I think you said 14 years being sober. Right? Yes. I had 14 years and then I, this is what, what inspired me to

write the book. And then there was a relapse and then I had to get sober a second time. And so I'm sober again. So I've, I mean, I've been in recovery since I had one, one situation where I thought after all those, after 14 years, you know, I don't think I was, you know, I forgot the why's of why I stopped drinking in the first place. And I go into detail about that in the book. And I thought, you know, I think I was just drinking because of I was young. There were all these things. I was holding all this stuff together. And then in 2020, when I was we were new empty nesters, I didn't have all those things to hold together anymore.

I had a lot of time on my hands. I had I was a life coach for God's sake. I was a life coach. You know, I had worked done all the work and you know, it's like that person that takes a vitamin to feel better than they feel better and think they don't need the vitamin. It was, it was a class. I fell into the classic story you hear in all recovery meetings. Don't stop going to meetings. Don't leave the sober community.

We also moved from California toia to colorado and i couldn't find a group right away and get plugged in so i just thought oh maybe i don't have a problem with alcohol maybe i was just using it to kind of numb these things that are now gone so i picked it up again and i knew right instantly i definitely still had a problem. It indeed had progressed, but it is very difficult to get sober a second time. It's difficult. I mean, Oh yeah. And, and, and it's difficult to get sober first time. So congrats to everybody who's sober or trying to get sober or where, I mean, wherever anyone's at and their recovery process is phenomenal, but there's a saying in recovery, it's easier to stay sober than get

sober. And that is so true. So because of that though, I really, you know, I'm a deep thinker. I love to write. So I wrote this second book as I was, you know, after I got sober the second time, so I wouldn't forget and that I could not waste the hurt and share it with other people. Make the world better. Share your story. There's always people that need to hear your story. And there's always that one person only you can help. And until they can hear your story, you know, I've had a number of authors tell me that on the show.

There's somebody out there that needs your book. They need to hear your story. You're the only person who's going to get through to them. And so that's why it's so important. So now you transpose a lot of what you learned and talked about into the coaching you do for others. Tell us some about some of the different offers and services you do over there. In Christiansen coaching, if you go to the website, you can see. But basically, I do one-on-one coaching.

I coach. I'm trained. I actually worked for Tony Robbins as a coach. So that's a hardcore training. Yeah. And it's very difficult to become a Tony Robbins as a coach. So that's a hardcore training. Yeah. And it's very difficult to become a Tony Robbins coach. So I am forever grateful for that training. I was already a certified, board certified coach before that. However, I was trained in a way to coach anyone, anywhere, anytime. So my belief really is that, you know, I'm coaching somebody on the, the 80%, the psychology of what they do, where they, they are doing them. They're an expert at the 20%, the mechanics of what they do. So I don't need to be an expert at podcasting

to coach you in your business as a podcast host, right? Because you're the expert there. And I'm going to, I'm going to work with that and talk to you about the psychology of what you do. So that, but that said, my niche has really over the years, I've ended up coaching a lot of performers and I live in LA so that, you know, I have writers, dancers, athletes, performers, and I think that's a good niche for me. I think that pressure to perform, it's like pressure to be a good mom, pressure. It's pressure is pressure. And so I'm very good at coaching people under pressure or people that tend to be perfectionistic and tend to self-sabotage. And that's where the addiction and the habits come in. So I'm, that's really

what my niche has become over the years. And so do you, do you do any courses or anything like that? I do. If yes, on my website, I do workshops. I can do virtual workshops. With this new book I'm offering where I will host a virtual book club. So I'll facilitate a book club that's in the bundles package on the website and at graceyourselfbook.com. So I also wrote a workbook for this book, which is available, which would be great for book clubs. And yeah, and I can be hired to come speak to groups.

And you're a board certified coach with a master's in counseling psychology and 20 years of experience too. I mean, that's quite the you know that's quite the resume thing to have i'm i'm mid what are we called we talked about our age before we started recording i'm we're over 30 a little yeah we're over 30 so i've had a few years to go to school and yeah something like that something we were born in the 1900s. We were joking before the show.

Not the 1800s, you kids. Quit writing me on YouTube. Where's this guy from? The Chris Voss show in the 1800s? Yeah. We started the show rubbing two sticks of wood together for fire so we can heat the place first. Anyway, which is funny because I was doing a joke earlier on the prior show an hour ago that I live in a cave. So whoever listens to both these shows back to back will connect the dots there.

What have we talked about that you offer out to your clients? What are some things maybe that you help a lot of those clients achieve? What are they struggling with lately that you've maybe found? Yeah, people are stuck, right? So in a lot of, I love coaching because to me, the difference of coaching and therapy is coaching. We're, we're focused on what works, not what hasn't worked in the past. So we're not going to, and I've, I've tried that. I have my master's in counseling psychology. I myself have been to a lot of therapists. I think therapists is therapy is wonderful. I think it can help people heal from a certain thing or certain things. And it's definitely, there's a big place for it.

But in coaching and what I'm really helping people with is not so much healing or going back and talking about one thing, but where do we want to go from here? What is the life we want? What is the business we want? What is the life we want? What is the business we want? What is the career we want? What is the relationship we want? And then I work with closing that gap, right? And some people either they are plateaued or they've hit a lot. Like I said, I coach a lot of high achievers.

So a lot of people are living already in an excellent excellent level but we coach through the plateau or through that two percent to go from excellent to extraordinary right where a lot of people will be tempted to throw in the towel because a certain outcome didn't work well i'm really good at helping people tweak the strategy and go out at a different angle. I can point out their blind spots. I can see things you can't see. I can see strengths you can't see. And I can partner with people to get where they want to go.

Yeah. Anthony Robbins used to call them skitomas, right? Blind spots. Yeah. And a skitoma in psychology is good. You've listened to Tony Robbins before. You know, it's basically a pattern. It's, you know, these, it's basically a pattern. It's a, it's a pattern of, you know, we think a way we think because that's how we thought

in the past. And I talk about that in the book, actually, Eschatoma, because, you know, say I, say I go, say I want to be sober. And I always used to say, I have a pattern of thinking where I always used to drink when I went skiing or something like that. Now if I'm going to go skiing my brain's going to think oh I should have a drink so I want to prepare for that. So we we work with skitomas to interrupt the pattern, break the pattern, and create a new pattern and then condition, repeat and condition the new pattern

it's as simple as a muscle at the gym right if you go to the gym and you want big biceps that's not going to happen one time you've got to go i wish you would yeah i know i wish so too and people sometimes come to coaching or therapy and they want a quick fix and i think i can do it quicker than most the quicker than a lot of people, but there's no overnight fix. We do have to condition things in our brain to get these new patterns. You have to do the work. We've got to do the work.

Yep. You can't just manifest millions. Yeah. I, I love people that do that. They're there. Like, I'm just going to manifest it.

I'm like, you know, you can't manifest muscles of the gym. It would be funny to sit there at the gym and you're like just sitting on the you're just sitting on the front of the gym going they're like what are you doing here you're just you're not working out and you're working on my muscles i'm manifesting this whole area of workouts but in my mind yeah i've had clients come to me and say i want to make you know a certain amount of money and they want to do it by manifesting and so i'm not the coach for them because we need to do work you need a little bit more than a vision board people

and even then you probably don't deserve half that shit anyway some of the vision board stuff i've seen people do and i'm not fully knocking it folks but you got to do the work that and not everyone's going to be a billionaire i hate to break it to some people but the odds are highly stacked against you you can do all the vision boards you want on it and you try and get close i mean come on but if you think you're going to be the next i mean i don't think most billionaires ever thought they would be a billionaires or even you know it wasn't on their vision board i think they were just trying to make a couple bucks so they could buy some drinks and get laid you know that was they weren't like i'm gonna change the world so i think the megalomania kicked in later

as soon as they hit some success anyway but yeah a lot of a lot of people have that problem you you reach a certain level. I think Tony Robbins used to call it the temperature control sort of thing, where if you get too hot, you get too cold, you get too successful, you get not enough successful. We kind of tend to play in these plateaus that we get to where we reach a new level, but then we're kind of stuck there. And sometimes, yeah, we do need somebody to help us look outside of the box and see what we're doing wrong. We want to get out of our comfort zone. Definitely.

I'm in my comfort zone now, and I don't make anything. I live in a cave, evidently, according to our last podcast. So there's that. What have we talked about that we want to tease out to people to get them to onboard with you, reach out to you and get to know you better? Yeah, thank you. So I right now between today, right, the second and February 18th, I am trying to push as many pre-orders as humanly possible. And the reason for that is just the algorithm game of books and bestseller lists. And the point is not,

you know, authors, we don't strike it rich and make money. We, we write to make an impact. And so the more, if I can, the more bestseller lists I can get on,

the more of an impact I can make. So if people could go pre-order this book, tell their friends about it, you will be helping me help other people you will be saving lives because that's ultimately what I'm trying to do with this only you can help Chris put out forest fires folks yes personal forest fires yes friends please yeah from smoking the barrel of time was eight years old only you can stop forest fires yeah I'm like, I'm eight. What do you want from me?

Yeah. Freaking bear. Anyway. So yeah, it took me a while to figure that one out, but I try everything I can. Sometimes I just take like a glass of water and pour it out on the, on the ground just to try and do my part. I don't know if it's working or not. Eight year old you doing his part.

I'm so scarred from it. I'm going to therapy right now. So thank you very much, Chris, for coming on the show. Give us your final pitch out to people where they can find the book.com on that good stuff. Yep. Follow me at Chris3Jansen on Instagram. I'm

on LinkedIn and Facebook at Chris Jansen Coaching. Go to my website, ChrisJansenCoaching.com. I'll keep it updated. You can find my services there. You can sign up for coaching there. And most importantly, pre-order Grace Yourself there or where books are sold. And please check out graceyourselfbook.com to find out about the bundles, all the things I've created for people who want to buy in bulk right now, which would be so helpful for groups.

Book club facilitation, workshops. You can get my workbook. All of that good stuff. Thank you very much, Grace, for coming on the show. We really appreciate it. Thanks for having me. Loved it. Thank you.

And thanks to our audience for tuning in. Remember, if you think you have a problem, reach out. There's a number you can dial. I believe it's 988 if you're having mental health issues or issues with other things. And you can talk to someone, I believe, for free. They have a service where they can refer you to people that can get help. But the first thing is to ask for help. You have to, what's the word?

You have to advocate for yourself. And it doesn't hurt to ask for help. I mean, you may not have a problem. You may just, maybe you have something that's manageable or maybe you need some bigger help, but feel free to reach out. Don't, don't stay in your place alone. If you're struggling, that's my message. And right now it's the holidays.

We're kind of in between, what is it? Christmas 2024 and New Year's 2024. You know, this is a time where people kind of struggle and ponder about where they're at in life. Don't be afraid to reach for help. There's no shame in it. There's no, you're a much bigger person for if you do. Pick up her book wherever flying books are sold.

Grace yourself. How to show up for the sober life you want out February 18th, 2025. Thanks for watching. Go to goodreads.com, fortune.christmas, linkedin.com, fortune.christmas, christmas one, the tick tockity, and all those crazy places on the internet. Be good to each other. Stay safe. We'll see you next time.

And that should have us up.