The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – HEY DOORMAN: inception to an anthology by Haji Outlaw

Episode Date: July 13, 2023

HEY DOORMAN: inception to an anthology by Haji Outlaw https://amzn.to/3JWPo1B The world’s funniest bouncer regales with true tales of Los Angeles nightlife in the sublimely original workplace memoir—Hey Doorman: Inception to an Anthology. A bouncer, or doorman, in the city of angels can be many things. But there is only one Haji Outlaw (if you haven’t guessed by his name) and he tells stories in a supremely unique way, like Skittles wrapped in cleavage, safely secured in the beak of a 7th degree black belt time-traveling pterodactyl. Which is understandable knowing that he has written for The Eric Andre Show and produced music for Kool Keith, two enigmatic artists of note. In this book the author tackles Hollywood after dark in bars/nightclubs, intoxicated people of all sorts, celebrity encounters, not to mention his own sexual encounters of the third kind (wink!). Have you ever wondered what the worst night of the year is at a bar/nightclub? Who are the worst people in Tinseltown? Which celebrity has the biggest head? These answers and many, many more are answered in this literary voyage. Most bouncers have a personality and writing flair (not Ric Flair—WOO!) that falls in line with their profession. That is not the case here as the author of Hey Doorman has garnered praise from some comedy heavyweights:

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready, get ready, strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times, because you're about to go on a monster education rollercoaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. This is Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com, thechrisvossshow.com. Welcome to the big show, my family and friends.

Thanks for coming on. Thanks for being here. Ladies and gentlemen, people of the audience in the podcast, International Space Station, whatever that fucking means. Is there a thing on the space station? Welcome to the show. Refer to show your family and friends and relatives. Go to goodreads.com, 4chesschrisvoss.

LinkedIn.com, 4chesschrisvoss. YouTube.com, 4chesschrisvoss. I already said that. And that new threads is out in TikTok TikTok you can follow us over there as well We have an amazing gentleman Author on the show today He's been talking to us his latest book Called Hey Doorman

Inception to an Anthology That came out January 30th 2018 Haji Outlaw Is on the show with us today And he'll be talking about his latest book and some of the other works that he's done and everything that goes into it. Haji is written for the Eric Andre Show in addition to other television programs, films, and commercials.

He is also a music producer, having released a number of his own comedy songs. And when he's not producing music, he's writing for the screen or performing stand-up comedy. He can be found penning his latest piece of obscure genius, if not collaborating with Isolaman Media. Do I have that right? Yeah, that is correct. There you go. So welcome to the show, sir. How are you?

I'm doing pretty good. Thanks for having me. How are you doing?'m doing pretty good. Thanks for having me. How are you doing? Thanks for coming. We certainly appreciate you having you come on. And give us a.com, wherever you want people to find you on the interwebs. For.com, for the book, you can just go to hajioutlawhd.biz. If you sign on there with the subscriber list, you can get a free chapter from the book.

Other than that, you can find me on Instagram or Twitter at OutlawHaji. There you go. So what motivated you to want to write this latest book? The motivation for the book was kind of twofold. At the time when I was living in L.A.,

on the weekends when I wasn't writing for stuff, I'd bounce at local bars. First of all, the second one I got hired at was stuff, I'd bounce at local bars. First of all, the second one I got hired at was a guy I went to high school with who came to GM at the bar. That was literally a five-minute walk from my apartment. So that made it real easy. And basically, in between writing jobs, it was just so many funny, crazy things kept happening. I eventually decided I got to chronicle all this stuff down.

And eventually, it became so good. And I was telling people the stories. They were like, you should put out a book on it. I said, iticle all this stuff down. And eventually it became so good, and I was telling people the stories. They were like, you should put out a book on it. I said, it's not a bad idea. So that was the kind of inception of it. A great, I think bars and clubs and stuff are a great microcosm of interesting people. And, of course, there's the drinking part and whatever else the hell you might be doing. So did you call it, hey, doorman? Did you get that called out to you a lot like hey doorman let me in or what was the inception of that every once in a

while i would but it's the idea i wanted to be kind of friendly that's why i put the hey part in there and one of my favorite groups is the clips and they have a song called doorman uh so i just kind of combine those two and also like at the main bar that I was at with my buddy from high school, who was a GM, they wouldn't call us bouncers. They called us door hosts because they wanted us to be more congenial and not just some big guy in a black shirt with an earpiece just being an asshole to everyone who comes up. So door maker or Congenial,

I was going to call it Hey Door Host. I thought, that's kind of stupid. And I thought, Hey Dormit just had a better ring to it, so I went with that. There you go. I can see a song in this, maybe. Is there a song in Hey Dormit? I don't know. Hey Bouncer? I don't know. There should be.

There should be. I'll let the clips do the regular Dormit song, but yeah. I should be able to come up with something at some point. There you be. I'll let the clips do the regular doorman song. I should be able to come up with something at some point. There you go. Now you've been billed the world's funniest bouncer and true tales of Los Angeles nightlife. Tease us out some of the stories

people are going to find in the book. There's a few of them. There's the Naked Masturbator. It's a pretty good one right there. Wait, I told you not to tell that story. I know, but I figured I'd start off with the more personal stuff for you.

It was one time in LA, West Hollywood. I don't know. And then there was The Worst Night Ever. Then there's The Worst Group Then there's the worst group. What's the worst holiday? That's probably a big one I get in there. What's the worst day to be at a bar?

A lot of people, not in L.A., will say the day before Thanksgiving is always the worst. Because for most places, that's where people come back into the town they're from. They're not working the next day, which means they're not, they have to, they're not going to be with their family the whole next day. So there's a lot of big drinking on that day right before Thanksgiving. But in LA, exactly. But in LA, it's different because most people aren't

from LA, so it's kind of a nothing night there. So I went through all the other major days you'd think, like St. Patrick's Day or New Year's Eve. Those all have bad stuff but the one i had was actually the worst it was uh it was the bar we're right on santa monica right near fairfax and highland and uh it was basically they bought out the whole bar and we found out after they bought it out that it was a lesbian party

oh fine cool you thought wouldn't be any problem here. They had one male bartender and three female bartenders. The male bartender told me he has never been openly threatened physically so many times in one night than that

single night. By a bunch of lesbians. Who literally wanted to fight him. And the worst part of that event, which actually got that group blacklisted from ever coming to that bar ever again,

there was a woman who was in the men's bathroom, but it didn't matter that night because they're all women. But there was a woman who was in the bathroom. There's like an overhang for the stalls where like a bar you can grab so she got her arms up here someone is holding her legs another girl's holding her legs and another girl is ramming a double-sided dildo in and out of her yeah and and the weight of it and everything broke the overhang for the stalls and they all collapsed on the floor then i come in there and look i'm like what the heck are you people like there's a dildo hanging out of her a pink dildo

if i remember right and you've broken the men's bathroom on it all let's be nice that that's the kind of stuff that i write about in the book yeah this is why we need bathroom rules damn it i don't know what that means exactly uh but uh you know i i don't know uh d means. But, you know, I don't know. Dildos and bathrooms and, you know, I had friends that owned clubs, and we'd go hang out in the office above the club, and there was always an adventure going on, right? You know, there was someone doing too much E and overheating or someone getting in a fistfight with the bouncers, which is always a really bad idea because those guys are usually

looking for blood. Somebody hurt them in their life and they're just looking for... I've seen bouncers hunt and shit because I had friends... They're just looking and they know some guy's a problem

and they're keeping their eye on him and shit. He's probably going to get a shit beat out of him in the back room uh for some crap he'll pull you know he'll grab some girl or some shit that he shouldn't be doing um so these are interesting stories and and i i imagine there's there's a lot of funniness in the telling and the tales that you do through the book oh yeah um that's probably the main thing for my comedy background from stand-up and for writing for TV I can take story that might seem mundane and make them seem really interesting Basically through different kind of comedy weight frame it and everything But that's part of that's part of what attracted to me because like that the story I just gave you with the you know The lesbian party that's an easy one, but then I'm like, oh there'll be other small ones where it's like this one guy well this is kind of a long one about to short it up a little bit it's basically

a guy who had a beer in his hand as he was walking in and i was like whoa you can't come in here with the beer and he told me i guess he said i just came out from out the bar i'm like i've been here the whole time i didn't see you he's like well i well, I just came outside. And I was like, first of all, you're drinking a Pacifico. We don't even serve Pacifico. And he's with two other buddies. And they were like, oh, crap. And so I was like, if you want to get in, I need to see your ID. He's like, I don't have my ID. The bartender has it. Why does the bartender have your ID? He said, I don't know. They just took it. That was like the second lie in a row. And eventually, I wouldn't let him in. And then the guy threatened me three times and said he's going to kill me. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And I was like, yeah, yeah, it got quickly. But I was like, I just laughed at him because I grew up on the south side of Chicago and I'm like, I know some real killers. And the last thing a real killer does is tell you I'm going to kill you. What they do is they kill you and let other people talk about how you got killed yeah that's how you become a good killer yeah yeah yeah you know if you if you were bouncing in west hollywood and he had a bud light then you know that he had got that bud light in the beer i don't know what that means folks you can figure it out um so it took a little while for me to get around it uh so uh one story in the book is

skittles wrapped in cleavage what's going on there man what's up what's up with that i is that a new way to get skittles into the bar uh no that was actually a very interesting woman who came in there uh basically she walked in with like three or four friends and uh like she just eyeballed me the whole whole time she came in and then she came out a few minutes later and as she and she started just started talking just bringing up conversation but as she's talking she keeps on opening one button of her top and i'm just like okay are the breasts gonna pop out here at some point? And eventually she's like, her other friends come out,

and she's like two buttons away from like a titty being completely out. And that's why I said it was Skittles, because it was like I was getting to see the rainbow. But eventually she's like, I have great boobs. And she just showed me her boobs. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, you got great boobs. She's like, yeah, got great boobs she's like yeah my husband doesn't appreciate them and she was going on and on about her husband while her titties are out like right on santa maria boulevard and i i look i look over to her friends i'm like uh i don't

know how much she's had to drink she's only been here a few minutes but you want to grab her her friend comes over and sees her breasts like oh my god not this again and that's why i was like i felt like skittles because i was like it was like i was seeing something i shouldn't be seeing at the end of a rainbow just a woman just flash yeah just titties flashing left and right and i'm not even doing anything there you go end of the rainbow there's another uh west uh hollywood joke there from la but uh that's becoming the talk of the night. Yeah, yeah, there you go. I don't know what's pushing it at this point.

The rainbow of all those cop cars out there. Is that true? Yeah, all the cop cars in West Hollywood, they have the rainbow flag on it. Do they? Oh, wow. Okay, well, there you go. You know, it's interesting what people do, especially when they imbibe in alcohol and their ability to, I don't know, process stuff goes out the window or something. It's fun to watch some of these things.

So what do you think people are going to learn from your book? Is it that humans are interesting creatures? Is it the fun of it, the comedy of it, and the weird behavior of human nature? I think it's going to be that they will learn more about the weird behavior of human beings just interacting at a bar in general. And then I think a lot of people also just wonder, like, who's going to be the worst male or female? Like, who's going to be the worst male or female? Like, who's worse at a bar? And they're going to really get both sides because there's a lot of bad, like, guys. But I've literally, I chronically in there, I've been physically assaulted by women way more and sexually assaulted by women at a bar.

And in West Hollywood, to be sexually assaulted by a woman as opposed to a man is kind of a feat. Yeah. You know, that's interesting. I think I heard that from another barman. They said, I think it was an interview on a TV show or something. And they said that, yeah, they had more problems with women and sexual assault and getting hit from them than men. Because, you know, men know if we if we throw down you know we can go all the way to death so we usually don't throw it down because you know we know it can get

pretty ugly uh because we're men and we're we have upper body strength but you know women uh you know who knows what's going to go on i've seen seen lots of people that have drank too much and then they get emotional and all that stuff. When you're a doorman, do you kind of approach the night with some sort of mentality or theory where you go, well, let's see who's going to be the shithead tonight and you kind of have a clue early on maybe? I never came in with that thought, but if I was there on a Friday and something happened or if i was there on a friday and something happened or

if i was there on a thursday and something happened the next night i'm like uh what's gonna happen tonight what's gonna go down now but it always seemed like the nights were weird stuff would happen we're not usually on the weekends it was on weekday nights oh really a wednesday or a thursday occasional tuesday those are the ones where the weirdest things Oh, really? Tequila for you. Yeah. Like I literally walked in just to grab a glass of water. And then I heard like a pop sound. And I looked around. I was like, what? What? Did someone drop something?

I was like, no. And I heard another pop sound. And I saw the bartender going over to this couple. And he was telling her like, ma'am, you cannot hit him. And the guy was just taking it like you cannot hit him. And I'm like, and he's looking at me like, I think you have to kick her out of here. I'm like, that's fine with me. But the bartender was like,

you guys got to go where you got to go. And the next week it was the same thing with a different couple. And the thing that baffled me was no one in that was a pack bar. No one did anything. Like even the women were looking at it. Like he must've, he must deserve it. You go girl.

Step in. Exactly. But if it was the other way around, everyone would have been like, Oh my God, he's horrible. Get rid of him. Call the yeah i did i i used to appeal all my speeding tickets there was a trick in utah for a long time where uh if you appealed your ticket and you it took

two of the three years that it would normally appear on your driver's license thing you'd only have it on your driver's license for a year. So we'd appeal it endlessly. And in appellate courts, they put you in all sorts of stupid courts for the appeal, because there's not really a thing for traffic. No one appeals a traffic ticket. But I'd learned this game,

and I had a BMW, so I was running up a lot of tickets. And so one time they put me in domestic violence court for the appeal. And I was at the end of the docket mainly because I was there for the speeding ticket, but also my last name is Voss. So, you know, they just put me in. So I had to sit through a whole domestic violence docket one time.

And it was amazing how many guys had gotten beat up by girlfriends. And, like, you know, there was the usual stuff there. But, you know, sometimes there was, you know, the woman gets pulled in an orange jumpsuit. And the guy is there and he's got the shit beat out of his face. And you're just like, wow, man, you're in court with this too. Wow. That's interesting. Yeah, that's embarrassing right there.

Yeah. Now, this is book six of eight it shows on Amazon. Tell us how that's working, and do we want to get a plug in for any of the books? Sure. I mean, they're all titled Hey, Dorman. They're just numbered in different kind of goofy letters. So the first one is 21 True Tales. The second one is 22 True Tales.

But, yeah, they're all the same Hey Dorm Man series under my name. So they're all kind of, once you get one, you'll be getting the lead in for the others. Yeah. I'm a betting man. I would, I mean, do you ever reach a point where when someone came in the door, you're like, yeah, this one's going weird tonight. We should keep an eye on that one. Oh, I got a good instance of that.

I think both of them ended up being good. Yeah. It was one time there was a guy. He was probably like 240, 240 pounds, 6'2", 240, big guy. He was walking up. He was walking up. He was with a bunch of buddies, but you could tell they'd been drinking, but I couldn't exactly tell how much as he's approaching. And normally when people have been drinking

they're going to a bar they'll like they'll put it in their head like okay you just have to act sober for 60 seconds get past this guy once we're good like that part of his brain never kicked in so he comes up and he's kind of slurring and stumbling his words and he goes to hand me his ID and he drops it then he tries to pick it up drops it again then he kicks it the next time somehow by accident, stumbles over trying to pick it up. I'm like, oh, come on, buddy. Wow. I'm like, I can't let you in.

You're too intoxicated. He started snapping going off, saying, I'll beat the crap out of you. I'll kill you. His buddies are trying to hold him back. He said, just come over here, and I'll beat the hell out of you. I'm like, dude, you're four feet away from me. You're not on the other side of the street. He can't even pick up a driver's license.

Yeah. Huh? He couldn't even pick up his driver's license, right? Yeah, and he had a whole fit about it. And then, so the other bouncer I was with, after we kick him out, they go down the block, and the other bouncer sees him walking back about maybe 10, 15 minutes later. He's like, watch your back. I'm like,

I'm not really worried. If he does throw a punch, he's going to miss. But he comes up, and he's super apologetic. He's like, I'm so sorry. I have been drinking too much. I don't want to be able to not come back to this bar again. I really apologize. I was like, no problem, buddy. He came

back like a week or two later. It was a long line. He walked up, introduced himself again. You remember me? I'm like, yeah, I do remember you. You said you're going to beat the crap out of me from four feet away. And he's like, okay, I'm going to wait in line. After about 10 minutes, I called him up. I was like, hey, are you going to be a problem tonight? He's like, no, it will not be a problem. I'm like, okay, give me your ID. You can go right in. And after that, he came back, always shook my hand, and he was super nice about it. Well, there you go. That's a good U-turn.

There you go. Yeah, not everyone's a bad person and stuff. I love that. Having that bad moment. There you go. So who are the worst people in Tinseltown? The worst people? What I have found, it's kind of a split young wealthy white women

young wealthy persian women the most air like i've i'll tell you two quick stories there was a these two white white girls who came in there uh they go up to the bar they get drinks they get shots and one of them immediately throws up on the bar oh like on top yeah the bartender's female season is telling the other bouncer hey get her out and she's got to go now she just threw up on the bar so this guy tries to cut him off and be like tell him you're out of here they act like they don't see him and walk away he cuts him off again they zag another way and finally puts his arm out like to stop him with his arm and it's like you just threw up you got to get out and they're like oh my god you just assaulted us with your arm we're calling the cops and they call the cops and the other on the bar and the other bouncer comes to me is telling me this and

i'm like what like yeah let them call the cops their DNA evidence is all over the bar so that was when it was just the arrogance of doing that and then calling the cops and then yeah that's quite the thing isn't it kind of Karen yeah a little bit very carnage yeah and then the the Persian one this is probably this will seem bad at first but I'll tell you the whole story yeah yeah well you can't see bad like yeah basically there's just a bar where it's two big rooms the back rooms like a DJ dance floor packed shoulder-to-shoulder normally I wouldn't I would go from that the front room into the back room around

water so in the morning so I go back there and I'm back there for two minutes and I see this woman coming towards me like a bad dancer kind of waddling. And I see the other bouncer, Joshua, right behind her. And Joshua, this is important to say, he's about my height, but like 20 pounds lighter. He's about 6'3", but like, I don't know, 160 or something or 175. And he's gay. Like two words come out of his mouth, you know this guy's gay. And it's relevant

it's relevant for the story so he's walking her she gets to me and he's rubbing his eyes and he says get this bitch out of here and he goes behind the bar and he's trying to go clean his eyes out i'm like i don't know what's happened at this point uh so i'm just like before i could i'm like okay so before i could tell anything to the woman uh that you gotta go she just beelines it towards the front because i'm just following her and, she just beelines it towards the front. I'm just following her. And the whole time she's walking towards the front, she's just, like, cursing to herself, like, getting angrier and angrier. And I'm like, okay.

And right as you hit the door, there's a red rotary phone by the door. She picks up the rotary phone, and I don't know if she's going to hit me or people at the booth or at the bar. So I karate chop the phone out of her hand. I grab her out, and I walk her out like this. Like she's facing me. As I'm walking around, she slapped me on top of my head. So I turn around 180 degrees so she can't do that. Walk her out the front and I put her down on the curb.

And I'm thinking in my head like, this is over. I've shown that I'm physically more dominant than you. This is a bad idea to escalate this any further. Not for this Persian woman. As soon as I put her down, she comes at me, slaps me once and then comes back and slaps me again and then turns her back on me like I'm just that dude to slap. And at that point, I was like, okay, I'm about to choke slam her. I walk up, grab her around the throat, lift her off her feet, and I'm about to slam her. And then I realized, like, her body just went into survival mode. Like, all the anger she had, like, her body was like, we really messed up.

Chill out. So my GM was right there, Brian. And he's seeing me do this, and he's just, his whole, like, his mouth was open. He's just stunned. And I'm like, Brian, you better come get this bitch. And he's like, yeah, yeah, just please put just please put it out please please please put it down so I put it down and after I put it out he tries to grab her she tries to kick me twice again and then she yells out loud to Brian as Brian told her back you're just gonna choke a bitch and leave I look at that

guy I'm like yes that's exactly what I'm gonna to do. So that's how it ended. But the funny part is, before this happened, the reason Joshua was kicking her out was because at the back of the bar was only one section you can't sit in. And that's the DJ section. She had been sitting there and wouldn't move the whole night. And eventually the DJ was like, told Joshua, get her out of here. And they got her around the shots thinking that she would leave. And she said she would leave, but she wouldn't. So Joshua was like, you got to go. You got to get out of here and then they got her around the shots thinking that she would leave but she said she believed but she wouldn't so Josh was like you gotta go you gotta get out of here she immediately calls Joshua who's gay calls him a rapist throws her to keep your tequila shot in his face and then hauls back and hits him in the face with the shot glass Wow yeah so that's what

he walked her to me and he was going behind the bar to clean that tequila out of his eyes because it was burning yeah salt and everything yeah yeah so that's a that's a salt assault with a weapon and then she assaulted me yeah she seems nice wonder she's got a tinder profile um i'm sure she does and so uh you've collected and written these stories for a while and had some fun with them. Do you tell the same stories on stage or do you do different material when you do stand-up? For stand-up, it's really a little different.

Some of the stories I'll kind of delve into but for the most part, not really just because they're already written and I kind of want to just push them like that's a book thing. I do talk about the guy who said he was going to kill me three times. That's actually a joke in my act. You have to give yourself some perspective on it.

I mean, so what about which celebrity has the biggest head? I suppose Sean Penn. Sean Penn. Wow. Not like egotistical, but like a physically big head. Like for his body, his head looks, it's OJ Simpson size. It's huge. Wow.

Yeah, he was there. He was on a date with Charlize Theron at this tequila bar. It's a taqueria place too. And everyone, like I got there a little late, so all the bars were like, oh my God, Charlize is here with Sean Penn. I'm like, yeah, okay. I'd seen Charlize at another place in Venice, I think, so I wasn't that impressed.

But when they walked out, I got a good look because they were like three, four, four feet from me, and I was like, oh, my God, Sean Penn has a humongous head. Probably works good for the film, again, being on screen or something. I don't know. Oh, yeah, it probably makes them look tougher, tougher bigger or something but i've heard that people say if you're on tv or film it's good to have a big head because it makes you i don't know makes you look stand out or strong or something huh maybe i should go into hollywood

i have a giant fucking head there you go it's gonna it's, and I'm a narcissist too, so there's that going for me. Oh, you're perfect. He's gotten into a few fights of his own with the paparazzi and all that stuff down there. Any other famous people that you came across that had some interesting stories when you were there? I think probably a good one was jessica alba uh yeah i had always had a huge questioner for years she came in there with her girl her girlfriends i was like oh she's really good looking in person well i saw a couple times but uh like she was just it was a little goofy like they were leaving they're standing like

right in the doorway and they're just talking and chatting after you know how to keep it in tacos or whatever And it was a sweet little Asian woman who was just trying to get in but couldn't like get around their party So I like tap just go in the back and be like excuse me I need to could you move out the doorway and as soon as I like got in her personal space before I get to her You could tell she was used to having press. She gave me the greatest bitch face I've ever seen. You're in my personal space. I just remember that look being like, oh, I don't see that in film. That's a serious

get the hell away from me face. After they realized what was happening, they were like, oh, yeah. They moved over and let everyone else in. Just that face alone was good. Do you ever keep going back and doing doorman stuff so you can get more stories? I did for a while, but I haven't been bouncing since the pandemic. I haven't been bouncing since the pandemic.

Oh, that's true. It's interesting what people do. I've seen fights. I've seen girlfriends beat the hell out of the boyfriends in the parking lot, sometimes going out the front door. One of my friends was a bouncer. He's just a really big dude. He was doing a lot of roids.

And he had this little girlfriend, man, and she started beating him up in the parking lot. It was funny. It's interesting what people do when you mix alcohol and you know god knows what else they're on or whatever they're off you know their meds yeah and uh it's kind of funny how you know it's it's weird what people can do in there um you know uh people are dating sometimes or they're they're looking to hook up or date and And, um, I don't know what,

what types of bars are, did you work for different types of bars? Like, I don't know. There's like Western bars and different things. Is there, is there a certain type of bar that is the worst bar to, or interesting bar to work at?

I've, I've heard from other bouncing of the people that the worst bars are typically as far as getting into problems. Uh, it wasn't a type of bar. It a western bar at least in southern california but it was the bars near long beach or in long beach primarily because that's where a lot of ufc fighters train in that in long beach and so you don't know like a lot of females and then made people train out there too so you don't know what and now the females and then made people train out there too so you don't know what anyone is into and i've heard like those are some of the bouncers that are like guys who are all 250 plus like it because they there's some real fighters out in there so but as far as

like a certain type of irish bar western bar i haven't found it much much difference there you go uh probably a lot of roid ridge, maybe. I don't know. Yeah. When you're doing bars there on Sunset Boulevard, do you find there's a lot of just tourists and people minding their manners maybe a little bit more? Yeah. There's a lot of tourists from Japan or Asia come through there.

A lot of European, too. I can tell you a quick story. I remember there that was a guy I think it's from Tokyo but I'm just at the back of this one bar and he's just smoking a cigarette in the middle of the floor and I'm like what what I go to my buddy you know you can't smoke in here get out and he barely spoke any English he's just like uh-uh and his buddy had to come over and be like oh no he's from Tokyo he just doesn't know you can't smoke in here. And I'm like, oh, okay. I get it.

I won't boot you out. Just put the cigarette out. I've had Europeans, they just tend to be a little more flippant. Like, I remember right before the bar closed for pandemic, we're like, we knew this was something that was big. I think within three days, the state had closed down. But this one European, she had a passport. She was smoking a cigarette. And instead of just holding up her passport because she didn't want to put her cigarette down or put it out, she handed it over to me.

And I'm just like, you know, there's a pandemic. Why are you handing me stuff that I have to then put my hands on? And I was like, come on. And it happened like three times that night. It was all people with passports from somewhere in Europe. Wow. You're like, these people have probably picked up COVID.

It's interesting how cavalier people can get and crazy people can get in a bar and sometimes overly friendly. When you work at the clubs, whether you're a doorman or a barman, it's interesting how people can

be a little probably overly friendly to you. They're just a little too familiar. I've had some regulars who I had to put at arm's length. They always want you to take shots or hang out and talk about their day. I'm just like now

Just me the worst the guys who think you're friends with them And then they want to hang out after hours and they'll go really like yeah Like other bounces be cleared out like we're closed now I'll move out and they'll be like they'll sit on the side like no haji told me told me told me I could stay say I'd hang out and they come to me and I'd be like I don't know who this dude is I don't even know his name. I have to go tell him, you got to get out of here. That was always annoying.

Except for the chicks who did that, cute chicks who did that. No problem. Yeah. Did you ever have any people that freaked out, like, on some sort of, you know, psychedelic or something? I think we had, my friend had a couple times where we had, I think we had some people overheat on E. Like, you had to call the ambulance and shit.

They were overheating because he could do that. He's in a big club. Some people are on some sort of whatever it is, whatever. They're just having a little freak out. Yeah, we've had some guys who are on a lot of coke. They're just sweating sweating being overly friendly. You start getting close to passing out because their hearts are racing.

I've had a few of those. We also snubbed one. You know Andy Dick? Yeah, yeah. Andy Dick. That could be some great stories. Yeah, this dude was like he had been there a couple times before. He wasn't drinking.

He was fine. Or he wasn't on anything. Then one time he came there, and he was on a comedy show or something, but he was drinking and on other stuff. And I think he grabbed, like, three or four guys by the crotch, got punched in the chest by someone else because he grabbed them on the crotch. And then, like, our GM had to come to to him like, you got to stay out of here. And I saw him later, like an hour later, he's sitting on the curb, passed out.

All his buddies had left. And I don't know how he got picked up or what happened. I saw him like that maybe a month later too. But he was always on a bunch of stuff. If he was dead sober, he was on everything. Wow. Didn't some of that make the news on tmz and stuff i think yeah i think some of that i remember him getting kicked out of some clubs and and

having some issues there and and uh yeah kind of a little interesting dude uh you know it's it's just wild what people do but it's great that you have these these books and tell these stories um because it's it's fun and it's funny how people in their life anything else want to plug on the show before we go out a couple of things they got a couple other book series once you know these movies suck which is basically my take on a bunch of major franchises I take shots at Star Wars The Matrix a bunch of major franchises. I take shots at Star Wars, The Matrix, a bunch of movies. I've always,

this is one little tip, I've always been baffled how no one talks about how all the names in Star Wars are just really on the nose. Like, the idea like, like Darth Vader. Basically,

they just want to call him a dark invader. That's what it, and I think it's basically just added a lisp darth vader and took out the end that's it and a lisp i never thought about that that it makes sense though yeah it's all princess leia we need we need someone who's like royal and everyone wants to sleep with how about princess lei no lays a little on the nose how about lay up that works Wow you

know he ripped that whole he wrote the whole plot of that movie off of Kira Kurosawa's movie I think the the something oh yeah but I've heard that rumor yeah yeah it's and it's it actually, what's his face said he did it? The guy who created George Lucas. He's actually on the video. He goes, yeah, I took it from, I believe it's called the Dark Fortress. I think it's the something fortress, the Dark Fortress. But even the characters, the build out of the characters, R2-D2 and C-3PO, they're all in the movie.

And the plot line is the same. It's just put into a different century, basically. And so it's funny when... Yeah, you should go watch it. It's fun to watch. And Princess Leia's in there as the thing, and there's a Wookiee, but

there's not a Wookiee. It's just the characters of of uh the japanese people that they put in the movie but they have that sort of that that wonkiness of each of the characters in the star wars movie and you're just like holy shit you just like wholesale ripped off that whole fucking movie and uh and there you go when you watch it you'll be like there's c-3po there there's R2-D2. Wow. Okay. And they act as goofy and dorky.

He just lifted the whole movie and he says it on the video. There's some video he has that I think is an intro to the 40th anniversary or some shit and George Lucas is like, yeah, I just stole it all and changed the names basically. I hope Kira Wasawa got a percentage of that, because when he sold it,

he sold it for $4 billion. I don't know how that works. Yeah, hopefully he got a cut of the action and stuff. Yeah, a lot of people ripped off Akira Wasawa. I mean, a lot of our producers liked it. But, no, I never really thought about that stuff. You know, you should do a podcast about that and just rip on

movies and stuff. That sounds like it might be a fun podcast. Yeah, that sounds fun. I thought about that for a little bit, but now I might have to look a little harder at it. Somebody needs to throw shit at movies, man. People like Star Wars, but you need some entertainment

and comedy where you just go, seriously. My big thing with Star Wars is every fucking movie except for two of them involves blowing up the death star it's like how many times are we blowing this thing up and how many times they're rebuilding it like at what point does somebody in the emperor go you know these fucking rebels keep blowing up this goddamn death star every time we build one maybe we should just not build the death star and then some reason every time we build it and they blow it up and we build another one,

we put the same flaw in it where if somebody just shoots a torpedo down some hole, the whole thing blows up. Maybe there's a fundamental flaw in the process we're using. Yeah, I think the family guy did a thing on their Blue Harvest where they're like, I remember it was like Darth Vader

was like, Stewie was asking like, the Death Star is good to go. He's like, oh, he hesitated. He's like, well, there's a one minor flaw. It's a small little hole that a Wombat can fit through. And he's like, well, can't we board that up? Like, oh no, we'd have to go through OSHA and do all this stuff. He's like, oh, forget it.

They leave it there. No one will figure it out. No one will figure it out. And yet somehow they do it every time. Yeah. I just, I get tired of the whole, oh, we're going're gonna we have a major gun that's gonna blow something up and you know it's just like can we come up with something new like i don't know maybe they can mcguive or hansel can mcguive or something or i don't know but something creative something creative but no that would be a great podcast

dude it would and then maybe you could have a doorman podcast too and you have other doorman guys come on and tell them the tell them the tales of the week and there you go yeah so yeah it's a good idea you could you could uh put it in vegas because you know i know a lot of friends that work the service industries they call it in vegas and so they're they work the doorman and there's a lot of the girls that I know that do bottle service, and they have some interesting tales, too, about what guys do. And then you can interview strippers at Spear and Rhino, and, you know, they can tell you tales of the week, too. I'd watch that show.

Yeah, that'd be fun. Yeah, I'd be mostly watching to make sure they didn't tell any tales about me. So there you go. Well, this has been fun to have you on the show, Haji. And give us a plug,.com is where you want fun to have you on the show, Haji, and give us a plug. .com is where you want people to find you on the interwebs, please. Yeah, on Instagram and on Twitter, at OutlawHaji,

and then for the book, it's HajiOutlawHD.biz. There you go. Thank you very much for coming on. It's been fun. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Appreciate it. A lot of fun. There you go. And thanks to my audience for tuning in. Go to goodreads.com, Fortress Chris Foss, youtube.com,

Fortress Chris Foss, linkedin.com, Fortress Chris Foss, and the new threads and TikTok. Go Foss over there. I like this. If you know where to wrap. Thanks for tuning in. Be good to each other. Stay safe. We'll see you guys next time.