The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Hitting the Wall: Eliminate the Beliefs That Sabotage Your Business and Your Life by Shelly Lefkoe, Vahan Yepremyan

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

Hitting the Wall: Eliminate the Beliefs That Sabotage Your Business and Your Life by Shelly Lefkoe, Vahan Yepremyan As an entrepreneur, you’re a master at solving problems and selling solutions. But limiting beliefs can still derail your progress. You struggle to delegate. Your company thrives, but your health and your nonbusiness relationships suffer. In Hitting the Wall, Shelly Lefkoe and Vahan Yepremyan shine a light on the limiting beliefs that cause otherwise successful people to suffer from such blind spots. Discover how to identify and escape from the hidden beliefs that hold you back. Get inspired with real-life examples of people whose lives dramatically changed when they addressed the beliefs standing in their way. Hitting the Wall shows you how to eliminate damaging behavior patterns so they no longer derail your career or decimate your relationships. Ridding yourself of inner barriers will unveil an exciting future full of more time, accomplishments, and personal freedom than you ever believed possible.About the author Shelly Lefkoe is Co-founder and CEO of the Lefkoe Institute. An international keynote speaker and workshop leader, Shelly has helped thousands of entrepreneurs rid themselves of limiting beliefs. Her programs have reached over 150,000 people worldwide. Her work has been featured on the Today show, Leeza, and many others.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries and motivators. Get ready, get ready, strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Cause you're about to go on a monster education rollercoaster

with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, it's Chris Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the big show. As always, we appreciate you coming by The Chris Voss Show. The Chris Voss Show has been around for 16 years and over 2,300 episodes bringing you the CEOs, the billionaires, the white house presidents, advisors, all the smartest people in the world.

And then there's just some idiot with a mic that shows up and hosts it. Opinions expressed by guests on the podcast are solely their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host or The Chris Voss Show. Some guests to the show may be advertising on the podcast, but it is not an endorsement or review of any kind. Today we have an amazing young lady on the show. We're going to be talking to her about her new book that came out in August 23, 23, August 23, 2023. It is called Hitting the Wall, Eliminate the Beliefs that Sabotage Your Business and Your Life.

Shelly Lefko joins us on the show today. We're going to be talking about her insights, her journey through life, some experiences that she did and how she got here. She's going to share all that with you so that you can make your life better. She's the founder of Lefko Institute, a transformative personal growth organization that has helped over 150,000 people worldwide eliminate the limiting beliefs that hold them back in life, love and business. For over 35 years, she's worked with individuals struggling with deep seated behaviors and

emotional challenges from procrastination to fear of public speaking to relationship conflicts. Her proven methods validated by independent research at the University of Arizona create lasting transformation in just hours. She's a bestselling author of the latest book we aforementioned and international recognized speaker and workshop leader. Her programs and expertise have been featured in Forbes, The Today Show, The New York Times and now The Chris Foss Show.

Welcome to the show. How are you, Shelley? I'm wonderful. How are you? I am wonderful. It's wonderful to have you as well. Give us your dot coms, where can people find you on the interwebs? Shelley Maldonado You can go to lefcoinstitute.com or at Shelley Lefco and any of my socials and I'll give you, when I give you my treat, my free gift at the end,

I can give you that at Shelleylly Lefko Breakthrough 25. So give us a $30,000 over you. What's in your new book? My new book, interestingly enough, is for entrepreneurs. And I say it's not really, it's really for everybody, but it's geared to entrepreneurs. And when I say interestingly enough, I was the least likely entrepreneur imaginable. So my late husband created this process 35 years ago, Chris, when nobody was talking about limiting beliefs.

Nobody knew what a belief was. They used to say, beliefs? You mean like religious beliefs? What do you mean? And so he was on a spiritual, intellectual journey to discover why people knew what to do. We all know that if we eat well and exercise, we'll live longer and feel better. But we don't. A lot of us don't. We know going into a relationship, we see red flags and we go in and we stay in. So we all do things that we don't want to do and we

don't do things that we want to do. And so in his own life, everything was struggle and effort everything was supposed to turn out didn't. And he was on a plane and he was journaling and he downloaded this process and he came home. He showed it to me. I watched him do it and I said, that's why I'm on this planet. I am here to do this. This is my life's work. And I've been doing it for 35 years. He died nine years ago and left me with a business. He loved to do research. He loved to, he was a philanthropist. He was a do-gooder He was he only wanted to make a difference in the world. So he left me with this business that was financially not doing well, I

Did not know the first thing about running a business you could have Said to me Shelley what eat what's the least thing you want to do in the world? I would have said be an entrepreneur run a business, But put me in front of an audience of 10,000 people, I'm good. Let me work with anybody from Oprah to the Queen of England, I'm good. I'm there. So I had to really go to work on what my beliefs were that had me not able to run the business, even though I didn't really want to. And I probably quadrupled it since he died. Go figure.

Pete Slauson Yeah, good for you. Julie Harjo Yeah. So, somebody heard me speak, a serial entrepreneur in Costa Rica, and he said to me, oh my God, that's why my clients don't listen to me. It's beliefs. Let's write a book. So, I said, okay. And that's how we wrote a book. And can you give me the pronunciation of the second author so we can have some people search for him? Von Vahan Yipremian. Ah, that's a, you can get all the letters if you hit Y or V or you know, that's like

a perfect name for a wheel of fortune. Yeah, he was raised in Soviet Russia. Yeah, lots of V's and A's, everything M and M. Yeah, we've had a lot of people on that came, we had somebody on a week or two that came from Soviet Russia, they grew up behind the wall. Crazy. Heating the wall, many beliefs. There's a lot of talk about this. I know Anthony Robbins used to talk about how a thermostat effect where if you make too much money or become too successful or you don't make enough, you don't become, you're not being successful, we kind of bounce between this thermostat sort of range. And anytime we go too high

or go too low, we kick in, you know, if we go too low, we kind of, oh, I should do some extra work. If we go too high, we're like, maybe I should goof around and go drinking with the buddies and I'm having too much success, I should party more maybe and you know, then you know, it's a sort of cycle. And so I imagine that's a lot of what people's, usually there's some sort of belief system that's in there that's keeping them stuck at that thermostat level. Yeah, that's interesting. I wouldn't agree. I think people either go for it like Tony. He's all in, 100%. That's what he does 24 seven, he's on, right?

And there are people who get their foot or their finger in the door, their foot in the door and they start and then they start the door and they start and they and then they start procrastinating or they start and it falls apart and they start again, it falls apart. The beliefs and in the book I have the specific beliefs that underlie the specific patterns. So a pattern is observable, right? People mix up beliefs and patterns. I'm a procrastinator. That's not a belief.

A pattern is I procrastinate. So I can observe you having addictions. I can observe you being depressed. I can observe you. And for high achievers, you don't get away scot-free either because in the book I talk about watering all the plants You know, you have a health plan. You have a body that's going to take you through life. You have relationships your children your Your partners you have friends you have should have hobbies

You should have all the plants being vibrant and alive and for for most of us, we're watering one plant to death. So even if you're a successful entrepreneur or CEO, that doesn't mean you're happy and you have a great life. And there is a very common belief, Chris, that's perfect for your audience. What so most people have the belief, I'm not good enough. It's an unconscious belief. Sometimes it's conscious, but it's that little voice that goes, oh, you can't do this. Or I had a client who said, I'm worth $10 million, I'm on the cover of business publications. I don't know my kids.

My second wife is ready to divorce me. When is it going to be enough? So he's driven. Why? Most people have the belief I'm not good enough, but if what makes me good enough are my achievements, now I have to hold the beach ball called I'm not good enough underwater. So I have to keep achieving and achieving and achieving. And that's what workaholism is. And it doesn't end well. You work yourself to death, grind yourself down. achieving and achieving and that's what workaholism is. And it doesn't end well. You work yourself to death, grind yourself down. Exactly, and then there is the other side of the equation,

which is I don't have what it takes. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart. And they have all these, I worked with five Harvard PhDs over the years who all had the belief i'm stupid and i'll explain why everybody talks about beliefs today but very few people know how to

permanently eliminate them the way we do and i'll give you the secret sauce secret sauce secret sauce so underlying procrastination are beliefs like mistakes and failures are bad if I make a mistake or fail. I'll be rejected What makes me good enough is having other people think well of me, so I'm afraid to put out that video I'm afraid to get my podcast out there. I'm afraid because what if I'm afraid to get my podcast out there. I'm afraid because what if What if somebody doesn't like it what if somebody doesn't think well of me what if I make a mistake what if I fail so underlying all

Of our patterns which are the things that we do that we don't want to do Or don't do that. We want to do, or don't do that we want to do, right, are these beliefs. Now here's the secret sauce. If I said to you, Chris, you said to me, Shelly, I think so-and-so doesn't like me. And so-and-so walked by and didn't say hello. Wouldn't you say to me, see, I told you they don't like me. They just walked by and didn't say hello. Rude. But it feels like you're seeing they don't like me.

So I have clients in every country around the world. I've spoken in every country from Vietnam to Russia right before the pandemic, I spoke in Moscow. Everyone has the same beliefs. Here's why. You come into this world as a little kid, as a little baby, and you don't know if you're good enough or not good enough, and you come into this little world called your family.

And what is the question, the one word question every child asks all day long? Why? Every little kid in every country asks, why can't, daddy, why don't you play with me? Why can't you, why do you work all the time? Why guess I'm not important? Why are you criticizing me? Why can't I live up to your expectations? I guess I'm not good enough. Why do you yell at me when I make mistakes? I guess mistakes and failures are bad. Now here's the juice.

It is as if to a child, you can see I'm not good enough. Like you can see and you can't, it is impossible to not believe something you think you saw. Yeah, because you saw. But anything you could see has a color, shape and location. So for those of you who are listening, I'm holding up my pink water bottle. Anything you can see, look at anything on your desk or anything in front of you, it has a color, a shape and a location. You cannot see a belief. So when you get, wait

a minute, that there's no Santa Claus, that's my father in a red costume or some paid guy at Macy's. I never saw Santa Claus, I made that up. That belief goes away and never comes back. Pete Slauson Oh, wow. That'll do. I found out Santa Claus wasn't real for my grandfather and then he told me not to tell my siblings and then I did.

Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! You're a little troublemaker even back there. Yeah. I knew my younger brother who was a shit would cry. He always had it coming. He was a bit of a shit. So yeah, I made them cry. I think my sister cried, I don't know, but I ruined it for both of them. But I mean, sharing is caring, really, when it comes down to it, right? Tell us about your journey through life.

You hinted at some of it, some of the journeys that you have. What influenced you and how you were raised and what were some of the things you overcome as you were growing up and starting this business? Jai Radha I was raised by an angel, my mother was. I was very, very, very blessed. One of my big things about going on podcasts is I don't have one of those stories. And then my husband left and then my mother beat me and then my father, you know, I just don't. I had an amazing childhood. Now, I was very fortunate.

But my dad was tough. My dad would used to say things like, you don't use your head, you just don't think. You know, what are you in? He used to say, what are you, an idiot? And I once said to a kid, you know what you are? You're an idiot. And he looks at me and he goes, what's a nidiot? But that's how he used to say it, that I thought the word was nidiot, N-I-D-I-O-T, you're a nidiot. So I had lots of beliefs about not being smart. And I grew up with that. So I never got, and when I was three and a half years old, I was very precocious and I was on television. I was on a network panel show on CBS. And people used to, kids used to come on

and tell us their problems and we would solve their problems. So I was kind of came to this world to do this. But my mother used to tell me, just remember, you're not special. And I had now what she meant was, she didn't want me to be one of those bratty TV kids who was really spoiled and obnoxious. So I used to get recognized in the streets and people would ask for my autograph. I was four years old. And she said, just remember you're not special. And what she meant was you're not better than anybody.

That's all she meant. But I concluded if I'm special, no one will love me. So I never let myself be successful. I would get to the top of the building, but I'd never go to the roof. And over and over. And so when I got rid of that belief, I was finally able to everybody's special. So I have my gifts and you have your gifts and we all have our gifts. So I was able to allow myself to be successful. And that's not, you know, a lot of people have the belief if I'm successful, people won't like me or rich people are bad or evil. So anyway, my angel mother only cared

about my being happy. She wanted me to be loved and included and invited. So if I was invited to the party, Chris, she would say to me, you were invited to the party. And if I wasn't, she'd say, I didn't invite you. So I concluded what makes me good enough is having other people like me and think well of me. And so I used to walk away from every conversation going, did I say the right thing? Did I do the right thing? I would call my friends and say,

what are you wearing to the party? And they'd say, I don't know, whatever I feel, but are you dressing up or dressing down? I was so afraid that somebody wouldn't think well of me. Oh wow. And when I got rid of that belief, it was my Martin Luther King Jr. moment because I was free at last and for everybody listening, when you stop worrying about what other people think, the world will

open up to you because once you're your authentic self, I spoke in front of 700 people in Croatia. Some people loved me and thought I was wonderful. Some people thought I was okay. Some people didn't like me. That's the reality. I'm not everybody's cup of tea. But when I'm okay, when I'm good enough, no matter what anybody else thinks, now my focus is on you. It's not on me. It's just not, yeah. Pete Sienaar It's kind of like you have to give yourself permission to be okay with everything. Ruthie But you can if you have a belief.

Pete Sienaar Yeah. Ruthie It's very hard. A belief is like a box inside the belief people can't be trusted. Having, you know, being an entrepreneur and having a partner is not a possibility or having one that you don't trust or having one who rips you off is a possibility inside the box. But when you eliminate the belief people can't be trusted, now you have a choice. Does this person look trustworthy or not? Let me see. Let me do my due diligence. But when beliefs go away, you have possibilities that didn't exist before. Pete Now, talk to us about some of the things you do at the Lefkoe Institute. I see the website,

there's some courses here, some offerings, etc., etc. So we do a couple of things. We train people, therapists and coaches and anybody who is interested in having a career and helping people. This helps people in a way like nothing I've ever seen in my life. So we do trainings, we have courses, so I'll tell you something that you will love. All of our feelings and emotions come from the meaning we give events. So if your wife doesn't or your husband doesn't kiss you hello when you leave the house and you give it no meaning because they never do You won't feel anything. But if you give it the meaning they don't love me anymore. They're having an affair

You're gonna feel bad if you give it the meaning they must have had a lousy night's sleep, you'll feel compassion. Now here's the exciting distinction. And this is a course that we teach called the occurring course. So let me, let me, I'll, I'll walk into this. Cause if I just say it, people's heads will explode. If you're in a room, Chris, and somebody walks in and doesn't say hello to you, what might you automatically think? They're busy. They're busy. That's meaning. Where did that meaning just come from? I just assume, you know, I'm a busy guy, so I just assume if I'm busy, everyone else is busy. Where does the meaning come from? Where did, I said, you know, I'm a busy guy, so I just assume if I'm busy, everyone else is busy. But where does the meaning come from?

Where did, I said, what do you think? Where do you think from? I'm not sure I understand. Your head. Yeah, my head, yeah, thinking. The meaning, they're busy, they're rude, they didn't see me, they don't like me. Whatever everybody said when I asked that question, meaning is in your mind. Are you sure this isn't an insecurity of a feeling?

Or maybe partnered with the thought, maybe? No. Okay. So, think about it. I mean, if somebody is around me and there's something they do and I attach, they must have some sort of malice intent in their behavior. Right. That's going to be tied partially probably to a feeling and possibly a projection of

how I feel when people do that or when I do that to other people maybe, I don't know. Or maybe… I would contend. … some sort of childhood trauma. It may, but where does the meaning come from? See, I'm going to get you to where you're going, but you're going backwards. So you come into this world, you create beliefs, you give meaning to an event, dog bites you. Now you think dogs are dangerous.

A dog comes into the room, you give the meaning, that dog's going to hurt me. Then you feel fear. Pete Okay. So, the thought before the feeling. Ruth Exactly. Pete Okay. Ruth Exactly. Pete All right. Ruth Now, your meanings are made in the moment. Beliefs are formed in the past.

The meaning you give events generally comes from your beliefs. So if you believe people can't be trusted and somebody turns around and talks to somebody, you're going to give it the meaning, they're talking about me. And then you're going to feel self-conscious or whatever you feel. Now here's the piece. If meaning is in your mind, do events have inherent meaning? Do events have meaning before you give them meaning? I don't know. I mean, I guess. I don't know. I mean, I guess. Another way of saying meaning what I know for sure.

So my husband died. That was very sad and upsetting and I hate that he's dead. But does it mean I'm going to starve to death? Does it mean I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life? No. Does it mean I'll never be happy again? No. No. Events have no inherent meaning.

We don't know. We don't know anything for sure because something happens. So for everybody listening, all of the, whenever you feel a negative emotion, if you can get what meaning am I giving the event, come up with one other possible meaning and then get the event has no inherent meaning. I don't know anything for sure. I'll tell you cute story how this hat saved my life. So do you know Mark Hyman? Mark Hyman has a podcast that's in the top 0.1%. He has 100 million downloads. He's my client and my friend. He had me on his podcast. He revealed stuff that I never believed about the work that I did with him. I was blown away by how amazingly transparent he was because he wants to make a difference

in people's lives. So he shared about very personally the work he did with me. The end of the podcast, it could not have gone better. He texts me and he says, he was in a hotel room, he was traveling, so he wasn't in the studio. And he texts me and he says, I'm not sure I pushed the button. I don't know if we got that. And I watched myself start to go down the rabbit hole. start to go down the rabbit hole and I stopped and I said what happened? Mark said we may not have gotten it. What meaning did I give it? It's never going to be as good if we do it again. What else could it mean? It could mean it'll be better next time. It could mean

he did get it but the fact that he just said that has no meaning. I happen to be going into the course where we teach people how to do this. It's a 10-week course. And I share the story. At the end of the course, Mark texts me and he goes, I got it. It's fine. and he goes, I got it, it's fine, no problem. And that was it. So, I saved myself an hour of suffering. Pete Yeah. Yeah. We need to teach this to more people that, you know, there's so many people that they love their feelings and they love being in them and they attach so much stuff to them and the attachments are right. I've met people and I'm like, whatever sort of assumptions you always make, they're always fucking wrong. Not all people are like that, but some people are. And they'll just attach the most idiotic

things to something and you're just like, how the hell did you come to that connection? Because beliefs are very powerful and that's why we want to eliminate beliefs because they drive us a client said to me just this morning i'll never get what i want and they believe that because as a kid they never got what they wanted so they think they saw i will never get what i want and when you believe you never get what you want, your behavior is always consistent with your beliefs. Pete I mean, you know, the world you, those are the rose-colored glasses you look through in the world.

Julie That's right. That's right. Pete Go ahead. Julie No, I was just going to say, you know, whether it's business, the most successful people, I worked with someone, a model, who was so successful, she's worth tens of millions of dollars. She believes that she's not important, but what makes her important is how she looks. So she's driven to keep having, and as she gets older, that gets a little more shaky. So our beliefs that we're not important, it's like a heroin addiction. We keep needing something to make us feel important. But when you get rid of the belief, I'm not important, and you go, you know what?

I'm not important or not important. I'm the creator of the belief, I'm not important, and you go, you know what? I'm not important or not important. I'm the creator of that belief. There's nothing that makes me important. I just am. If we could parent that way and teach our kids who you are is important. You don't have to score goals.

You don't have to get an A. You know, my husband was very successful in that he created a process that changed thousands and thousands of lives. But when he died, Chris, do you know what they said? He was the most loving man I ever met. He had integrity. He was, I ever met who had integrity. He was, he always made me feel special. My daughter stood up and said, I not only knew I was loved unconditionally every day of my life, but to never feel judged.

That was my dad. We talk about who you are, not what you do. Pete I mean, that's interesting. I mean, some people I can judge on what they do rather than what they say, but that's two different things and different people. It's kind of interesting that way. So how can people onboard with you? How can people reach out to you? How can they get to know you better, utilize your services, etc., etc.? So I want to do something very special for

your audience, and this is nothing you can find on the internet. And of course, it's absolutely free, and it's what I call the breakthrough belief blueprint. So this is for high achievers, entrepreneurs, professionals who know deep down that something's holding them back, whether it's self-doubt, fear of failure, procrastination, or the belief, I'm just not good enough. We've tried mindset work, coaching, therapy, self-improvement, how many of us have tried all those things and, you know, the same issues keep on keeping on. So they keep hitting the same invisible wall that stops them. What they really want is to finally break through from the behavior patterns that are keeping them back and create lasting transformation that feels effortless. So the breakthrough

belief blueprint is comprised of two things. One is the limiting belief identifier quiz and this is going to help you unlock your subconscious beliefs that are keeping you stuck. The second is the mindset mastery call. This leads to the fulfillment accelerator offer. There isn't something, this isn't something going to find online and this is a one-on-one meeting with me. And this is going to open up all your patterns and beliefs so that you can step into your full

potential without hesitation. So if you want to take advantage of this just go to at Shelley Lefkoe and DM me the word breakthrough 25 right now. So I only have 15 spots available for this and you know first come first served obviously. So, I only have 15 spots available for this and, you know, first come first served, obviously. So, it's Shelly Lefko, L-E-F, as in Frank, K-O-E, and DM me the word Breakthrough25, and I will send you the Breakthrough Belief Blueprint. And if you want to create a book a session, you can do that. Pete Well, that sounds awesome. Shelley, thank you for coming to the show. We really appreciate it. Shelley It is my pleasure. Pete Thank you. And thanks, Florence, for tuning in. Order of the Book where refined books are

sold. Hitting the Wall, Eliminate Your Beliefs. I'm sorry, let me recut that. Hitting the Wall, Eliminate The Beliefs that Sabotage Your Business and Your Life out August 23, 2023. I'm sorry. Let me recut that. Hitting the wall, eliminate the beliefs that sabotage your business and your life out August 23rd, 2023. Thanks for tuning in. Go to Goodreads.com, Forza X, ChrisFuss, LinkedIn.com, Forza X, ChrisFuss. ChrisFuss won the TikTokity and all those crazy places. Be good to each other, stay safe. We'll see you next time. And that's it, I'm Sam.