The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Jamie Gantt, ICF Certified Coach and Positive Psychology Practitioner

Starting point is 00:00:00 You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready, get ready. Strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times, because you're about to go on a monster education rollercoaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. It's Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com. Thechrisvossshow.com. You know how that goes.

Starting point is 00:00:45 What can you do? What can you do? Welcome to the show, my family and friends. We certainly appreciate you guys being here and being part of the show. As always, we have the most smartest minds to bring you to the show. 15 years of the billionaires, the CEOs, you name it. Everybody's been on the show except for, I don't know, who hasn't been on the show? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:01:04 But if you haven't been on the show, then uh i don't know who hasn't been on the show i don't know but if you haven't been on the show then that sounds like a you problem anyway guys uh refer this to your family friends and relatives go to goodreads.com fortress chris fuss linkedin.com fortress chris fuss youtube.com fortress chris fuss and chris fuss one on the tickety-tockety over there where the kids play uh today we're going to be talking about living radically we're going to go radical show's going to be all ratty uh is this the 90s what are you doing uh we have an amazing young lady on the show and she's going to be talking about some of the things that she does to help people live radically i think that's where we are we're going to go spray paint stuff like we're

Starting point is 00:01:40 going to uh uh you know that could be fun maybe we should i don't know maybe we're gonna overthrow tip over cows in a field or something we're gonna we're gonna go nuts and radical a while on the show uh jamie gamp joins us on the show today she is an icf certified coach and workshop facilitator dedicated to helping individuals create positive change in their life uh she has a background in positive psychology and people management and brings a unique perspective to her coaching and workshops by combining evidence-based practices with a compassionate client-centered approach. After experiencing burnout and a spiral of depression at the peak of her career, she embarked on a journey of self-discovery to find the key to

Starting point is 00:02:23 unlocking true happiness and success so see if people you're finally after 15 years going to get the true key to unlocking all the happiness and success you want uh through a lot of trial and error she uh discovered the power of focusing on the one true thing that matters self-care now jamie wants to share her hard-earned knowledge with others so they can avoid the same mistakes and pitfalls she encountered. Welcome to the show, Jamie. How are you? Hey, thanks, Chris. It's great to be here. Thanks for coming. We certainly appreciate it. We're ready to radicalize our radical living.

Starting point is 00:02:59 Give us your.com so people can find you on the interwebs, please. Yes, it is radicallyaliveCoaching.com, so people can find you on the interwebs, please. Yes, it is RadicallyAliveCoaching.com. All right, let's get radical. So give us a 30,000 overview of what you do in your words, Jamie. Yeah, so what I do is I basically work with people to help them sort of uncover what it is that they really, truly want and help them create an action plan to get it. And when I talk about living radically, it really is about getting to the core of what you truly want. I think too many of us live our lives chasing after success and chasing after dreams that were never really ours to begin

Starting point is 00:03:39 with. They were just sort of programmed into us from a young age, influenced by parents, teachers, older siblings, whatever. And people get lost in that and they find themselves burnt out. They find themselves maybe achieving a certain level of success and still not feeling so great. And when you really dig down deep inside, it's because it was never really what they wanted in the first place. A lot of people go through this in life. I remember when I was young, I would listen to Billy Joel's My Life. And I was trying to figure out, I was like 10 or 11. I think I was 11 at the time.

Starting point is 00:04:14 And I was like, why is he written about these people that are going through midlife crisis? And why are they all burnt out and they're in a bar having a drink together, sharing a drink they call loneliness. And they're divorced. And I would hear my mom go on about those divorce guys and they go leave the women and they're always having their midlife crisis and stuff. And it seems like everyone has a midlife crisis. So I just kind of looked at it like,

Starting point is 00:04:41 why are so many people going through this? And it became apparent to me that a lot of people, they just kind of jump on the social bandwagon you know it's the old fight club thing what i call my dad and i said what do you do he says go to college uh okay so i went to that and i said dad what i do now he goes get a job and so i went and got a job and uh you know what i do now go get married and. And everyone just kind of buys into the program thinking that that's just an instant drive to happiness. And Newsflash doesn't seem to be that way because you're not making the choices that you want. Exactly. Yeah. And what's most interesting actually that I find the more people that I work with is so many people are so crystal clear on what they don't want. They have no idea what they want.

Starting point is 00:05:28 They're like, well, I want to have money. Okay. You want to have money for what? Well, so I can buy stuff. Okay. Well, what stuff do you want to buy? Well, I mean, you know, stuff, but I saw my neighbor has this cool car. Like maybe I should get one of those, but why? Like for what? What do you want that for? And you bring up a good point when you say that because a lot of people think that that's the game, keeping up with the Joneses. So I got a job like Bob. Maybe it's some corporate thing that I am not excited to do.

Starting point is 00:05:59 But, you know, I got to be like Bob or Joe and pick your neighbor. And, you know, I got to go to college and do the thing with that thing. And I got to get like Bob or Joe and I'll pick your neighbor. Um, and, uh, uh, you know, I gotta, I gotta go to college and do the thing with that thing. And I gotta get a job and I gotta go into traffic and, uh, you know, do the commute every day. And, you know, I gotta do all the things and, you know, happy wife, happy life. I gotta raise the kids and stuff. And I think, I think people, um, they don't really think about it. Like don't, they don't really think about it like don't they don't really plan about they just assume that the social uh construct that they're handed like you mentioned um is just okay well that's what everyone's supposed to do and yeah exactly sometimes that's not where it's not

Starting point is 00:06:37 what maybe you want to do yeah exactly and i think with social media today it's actually gotten much much worse because there's all of these like perfectly curated Instagram lives that, you know, people are so happy. They make millions of dollars from home and they don't have to do anything. And everyone's starting to wonder like, well, why not me? Why not me? Why don't I look like that? And then even if they do happen to get there in some way, shape, or form, once they get there, they're like, why do I still not feel good? Because that wasn't what you wanted. Yeah. I grew up poor.

Starting point is 00:07:13 And, you know, my parents struggled. And I thought that buying all the things would make me happy. I'm like, when I get money, I'll buy all the things I want. And then when I got there in I get money, I'll buy all the things I want. And then when I got there, uh, in my thirties, I was miserable. Like I was like, is this all there is? This feels empty and sad. And everyone just likes me for my money. Um, there's no other reason like me, you know me well enough. Uh, but, uh, um, I'm sure that's not true. It is. It is. But yeah, thanks for playing along. But, but honestly, I just, I was just like, what, what the hell this is?

Starting point is 00:07:51 You know, this is, I thought that would be so happy. And all I want is more things. And falling back to the fight club reference, it became that thing where the things you own end up owning you. And you're like, is this really like now i've just i've just built to me it became an elaborate i used to tell people i just live in a gilded cage we built an elaborate very expensive gilded cage and are trapped in it i had companies i owned i wasn't really interested in doing um but they were successful and i enjoyed running them but i was unhappy um and I was just like,

Starting point is 00:08:26 I'm just miserable. And everybody around me is miserable too. So how do you help people get on the journey to discovering more of what they want, maybe what they should be doing and help them find maybe their true thing that they want in life? Yeah. Yeah. You know, so much of your story, Chris, really resonates with me. I feel like I had such a similar experience on my journey to where I am now, helping other people kind of get through this. And what I've found actually is when I'm working with people, I like to really focus in on their core values. A lot of people have never really sat and thought about like, what are my values? What's really important to me? What actually drives me and a lot of what I call values-based self-care and values-based goal setting. And so I like to work with my clients on really digging into

Starting point is 00:09:31 who they are at their core, what is really, really meaningful to them, and then build a plan around that. And self-care is a huge one. Especially with women, I work with a lot of women. Women have this terrible habit of putting themselves last always. We're always last. Everyone else comes first. Everyone else comes first. And so that the burnout is inevitable when you're doing that. I don't know if you've ever heard the saying, you can't serve from an empty cup, but it's so true. And so I really focus in a lot on that self-care and those values. And people are sometimes shocked at what they uncover. They find out like, oh, I always thought that loyalty and things that make me feel obligated are important. But I actually learned that from my father who learned

Starting point is 00:10:25 it from his father who like, et cetera, et cetera. And so it wasn't actually something that was important to me at all. So it's interesting. Yeah. It's, it's, it's something where, um, you know, yeah, like my dad told me, or, you know, my family told me, or I thought that if I bought this and then, and then people kind of wake up and sometimes they don't wake up till midlife. They, they, they decide that they want to, uh, they said they, and I think something has to happen that I think that leads us into my next question for you. You said one of the challenges you had was overcoming burnout. Uh, talk to us about that and how you, uh, worked your way out of that and got to where you are now? Yeah. So my story is actually crazy. I feel like I've had a couple of different sort of turning points. But my upbringing was quite toxic. So I grew up very poor.

Starting point is 00:11:17 My parents, they divorced when I was very young. My stepfather struggled with drug and alcohol abuse, and my mother sort of fell into that spiral with him. So it was just a very unstable, very toxic household. And through that upbringing, I sort of picked up a lot of those similar patterns. And I was going nowhere fast when I was in my early 20s. And I had a little bit of a turning point. I was like, oh, I don't want to end up like my parents. I refuse in my early 20s. And I had a little bit of a turning point. I was like, oh, I don't want to end up like my parents. I refuse to be like my mother. So I thought, I'm going to get on the fast track to success. So I went and I got my bachelor's in business.

Starting point is 00:11:56 And I was the second person in my family to graduate from college. My sister was the first. And I got a corporate job and I worked my way up the ladder. Now I'm managing a team of 32 people. I'm making good money. I'm like, yeah, I'm doing all the good things. Married a wonderful man who was brilliant on paper. And from the outside looking in, it probably looked like I had a pretty good thing going. But through all of that, I was really, really miserable. Everything should have been amazing. I was comfortable. I was living in Chicago, which is such an amazing city. Everything was good. My job was good. I had benefits, 401k, all that stuff that you're supposed to have when you're an adult, I'm ticking all the boxes. Um, and I just, I, I felt like the life, my soul was being sucked out

Starting point is 00:12:51 of me every day. Like so often I would get up in the morning and think, Oh, what kind of excuse can I come up with to call off work today? I don't want to do this. I can't do it anymore. It was just like, I was lather, rinse, repeat, same thing over and over again. And it was just. So was it because your heart and soul wasn't in it or was your heart and soul not in the work or the way it was applied or what was the thing that was off there? Yeah, I think that it was a combination of things. I think that while I did enjoy a lot of the work that I did, my heart and soul really wasn't in it. It wasn't something I was passionate about. It was just something I was good at. We can be good at a lot of things that we're not really passionate about. So I wasn't really passionate about what I was doing. And I think also because so many

Starting point is 00:13:43 decisions were being made for me, I wasn't really making, I felt like I wasn't calling the shots in my own life. So, you know, within my relationship, I mean, the marriage has since ended with that person. But during that relationship, it was always like everything had to be a discussion. And ultimately, I felt like my decisions weren't my own. It was always a democracy, which, you know, not to say that that's a bad thing in relationships, please don't start fighting with your spouses because I said that. But it just, it wasn't working for me at that time. And I couldn't, you know, make my own schedule because I was

Starting point is 00:14:22 in the hands of my boss who said, you must be at work at 8am. You've got to stay here till 6pm. You must show up in this way and this way and this way. And I was just like, God, who even am I? Like, what is this life? Did I choose this? Because I don't remember making this choice. I just, I just knew I didn't want to be my parents. I just tried to find whatever the opposite was and ultimately that wasn't really who i was and sometimes the what what i found and i think this is pretty common in psychology is is young women who have instability at home especially with the father they they tend to make their first choices badly um and so that may have been what happened with your marriage is you pick someone because

Starting point is 00:15:07 you were checking off the boxes. You're like, what do I do now? I got married. And you think that everything works out, but actually the choice is one of the most important things to take and do. And sometimes you're looking to fill that father role too. That's what I don't know about yourself but in general what i find with um women who are looking who end up in the sort of situation they've they're trying to fill

Starting point is 00:15:32 the father role because they had a weak father growing up or their father had issues so they're trying to fill those shoes and they and they tend to to to make bad choices very early on. And then they go, oh, this isn't fun at all. Is that? Oh, oops. Yeah, oops. Yeah. Yeah, no, I think that does ring true. And I think especially in my situation and what I've found with other women that I've worked with as clients who have had some similar experiences is it's a little bit of trying to kind of fill that role,

Starting point is 00:16:06 but also it's somewhere along our development because that figure was missing. We don't feel like validated at just for being ourselves. We feel like somehow we need to earn love, safety and belonging, which I think is human nature. We all want love, safety, and belonging. That's kind of like at the core of our being as humans.

Starting point is 00:16:29 When you look at like the evolution of humans, connection has always been a big part of our survival and our perpetuating, you know, on this planet. So we need that love, safety, and belonging. We will do anything we can to get it. And oftentimes for young women, if we are missing that male figure, we think that that's the piece that's going to give us love, safety, and belonging because we feel that the male absence is the reason that we feel unstable. And so we start seeking that in other areas. And often it becomes something that we seek in romantic relationships, which doesn't usually pan out very well. Yeah. People really undervalue the imprint of a good, solid man who's a father figure. It's the imprint that it makes a difference of a lifetime. I'm 55

Starting point is 00:17:20 now. I can see the wreckage throughout a whole life of people that don't get help and get some assistance or psychology on it. I know people in homes with alcohol abuse and different things like that, the instability is very hard, especially for women, for kids in general. They just don't understand it. They don't have any tools because they're new and they don't have any tools to deal with why mom and daddy are unstable and stuff. And so they're usually seeking stability from wherever they can when they get out in the world. And unfortunately, they'll get into relationships that seem like they're stable, but they're not maybe quite as healthy or sometimes it can get worse. So you, you,

Starting point is 00:18:05 when do you, when do you finally, uh, hit your cathartic point on your burnout and want to get out of it? I don't think I understand that again. I'm sorry. Uh, when do you finally hit your cathartic point with the burnout of your job and

Starting point is 00:18:20 you're working your job and, and you know, you're, you're just hating every day. When do you finally break? When do you finally go, Hey, I'm not doing this anymore. So like for me personally, or for people in general. So for me, yeah, for me personally, it was, um, I think I must've been 12 years into my career by this point. So I was a customer service manager at an energy company in Chicago. And I remember just thinking, I was like, you know what? If I have to live one more day like this,

Starting point is 00:18:54 I'm going to just lose my mind. And weirdly enough, I made the decision and I did this without speaking to my husband, which later became a big old fight. But I was like, I decided I wanted to leave the job and I wanted to go do something that I enjoyed. And I was getting really into group exercise at the time at the gym. And I went to get, I decided to go be a personal trainer. And I started teaching exercise classes because I was like, I just want to do something fun. And I want to do something that helps people that feels good and who doesn't want to be in shape. So let me just go do that. So I went from making just under six figures a year to making $10 an hour. Well, you got to build somehow. You got, it was it was quite the transition.

Starting point is 00:19:45 But yeah, I think it was just really I remember walking in to my job one morning and I went to go and have my normal morning check in with my boss. And I remember just like I was walking just the walk from the train to the building, maybe about six minutes. That was like the longest six minutes of my life. And it was, I think it was like a Tuesday morning and it was an otherwise perfect day. It was summertime and Chicago can have some beautiful summers and I'm walking. And rather than enjoying this weather and thinking, oh, it's going to be a great day. I'm thinking, I do not want to step foot in this building. It was like I felt the weight of the world just sitting on my shoulders. I was like, I cannot do this anymore. I just can't.

Starting point is 00:20:34 I was dreading every moment of it. And when I felt that and just the physical feeling of heaviness, I was like, you know what? Something's got to give like I can't do this anymore I just can't and so you quit your job and went to the thing and and uh I imagine you started searching for things I mean you teach now technically with being a certified coach maybe you just really wanted to help people and get better whether it was working out or you know coaching or some sort of instruction or teaching thing maybe yeah I think that's ultimately what I figured out. And I realized through my own self-seeking because I really just wanted to get out of this slump. And so when I started teaching exercise classes,

Starting point is 00:21:16 I also got really deep dive into personal development, started listening to Tony Robbins and all of these other major influencers in the personal development world, reading lots of self-help books and learning more about who I am as a person, what I want to do, things like that. And I sort of learned along the way that what I really enjoy is the sort, supportive role and the teaching role. So even as a manager, I would sometimes put together my own little makeshift, um, teaching trainings for my employees. Um, I would partner a lot with our HR department. I was like, Hey, I think I want to do like strengths finder with my employees. I think this would be really great. And I'd put together my own little training curriculum and it just sort of became a thing. And that was the only time I ever enjoyed my job.

Starting point is 00:22:08 And I didn't know that that was like what I was headed towards until I started searching like within myself, like who am I and what do I want? Like you would think we all know that by now. I mean, I was 33, 34 by this point. And I'm like, shouldn't I know this by now? But no, I really didn't know who I was or what I wanted. And as I started kind of sifting through that and learning all of these different things, I was like, oh no, I think I actually want to do coaching. Like this is where I'm meant to be. And I found myself, because I was making $10 an hour at the gym, I found myself looking for another job to get more income. And wouldn't you know it, I landed a customer service support role at a company called Health Coach Institute. And it was a company that taught people how to be coaches.

Starting point is 00:22:58 And I was like, oh, what is health coaching? What is this thing that you're talking about? And as an employee there, I learned more about the coaching world and what it means to be a coach. And I started on my path at that point to getting my certification. And ultimately, I went back to school to get my master's in psychology because it just really spoke to me. And I was like, no, this is definitely what I want to do. And yeah, ever since then, I've just been on the path, finding people who need my help and helping them. Yeah, because you survived the burnout transition, the whole thing there. And it's interesting to me.

Starting point is 00:23:38 I've been through so many. They need to tell people in life that you're going to go through a million different journeys. I tell my nieces and nephews, I go, be a story collector. Go through life and collect stories. Take a look around. It's going to go really fast. It's going to go faster than you ever think it will. And enjoy the journey through the forest.

Starting point is 00:23:58 There's a million different pathways to go down. Life is a giant catalog. And you can choose your life. And, uh, but just enjoy, you know, take some time to look around because it can move really fast in you. And, and, uh, um, that's what I tell people. But the thing is, is, is we change so much as we grow, you know, you talked about how, you know, after 12 years, you're, you know, you're finding yourself and you should have known what, what you want. Sometimes it's just about that.

Starting point is 00:24:28 We just kind of grow in a certain way or we grow into a certain way and we go, Hey, I'm somebody kind of different now. I mean, I've been somebody different about every, I don't know, five to 10 years. I go try on different things. Like one time I was like, Hey, I'm going to be a cameraman for, you know,

Starting point is 00:24:43 learn photography and try and be professional cameraman for five years and, you know, spend a billion dollars on cameras and crap. And then after a while I was like, you know, not really into this cause I suck at it. And, uh, uh, and there's, and the editing's a lot of work. The camera, the camera stuff is fun, but the editing nightmare and, uh, and trying to get everything right with the lighting. And I'm just like, Oh my God,

Starting point is 00:25:06 I just want to press big, you know? And so, uh, so then I didn't like that and they moved on. And so I think people should realize, or maybe get told when they're young, so much to have a little book and say,

Starting point is 00:25:16 you know, there's going to be a lot of different changes in your life and it's okay. It's okay. You don't have to, I think maybe some people think that because they bought the, you know, that single serving sort of fight club, Oh, I think that because they bought the you know that single serving sort of fight club oh i got the couch so you know i got that couch thing fixed for life

Starting point is 00:25:30 um that there's no other way or that that's going to be the journey for the whole of their lives and in many cases you may go i don't i don't really this doesn't fit me anymore kind of like a this kind of sounds a little weird you know kind of evil but you know like kind of like a shape a snake sheds its skin or an animal sheds its skin and becomes something else or like uh what's a better example than a snake because people don't like snakes uh like a butter like a butterfly a mother moth to a butterfly you know yeah and uh you know people molt and change and it's okay yeah yeah absolutely 100 and I think that's the thing. I always joke around that I've lived so many lives in my short 42 years of living. I've lived so many lives. And I think that what I often hear from people who are in my age group or a little bit older, so often they think,

Starting point is 00:26:22 but it's too late for me to change careers. It's too late for me to do this. And I'm like, no, it's really not. Nobody says... We get to the end of high school, we're 18 years old, 18. We know nothing. And we're supposed to decide the career that we want for the rest of our lives at 18? Come on. I don't care what you went to school for and what your degree's in. You could go to school again. I see people going back to school in late 50s, early 60s. It is never too late to make a shift. And you can always decide the next chapter of your life because you don't know how long it's going to be. With medical science today, stem cells and whatnot, we could be living to 120. You might might as well just go allow the shifts and the ebbs and the flows and and do your thing because yeah you know it's fine and there's ai we

Starting point is 00:27:12 can all be gone tomorrow by terminator right now you talk about something uh in your uh work called the power of radical acceptance and of course we tease that at the beginning of the show tell us what that means yeah so radical interestingly, is what influenced the name of my coaching practice. But I learned this term when I was getting my degree in psychology. And it's a term that basically says that we are accepting our situation wholly, mind, body, and spirit, even if we don't like the facts. So it's accepting the facts of the situation and it's accepting the emotions that exist around that situation without trying to change it. And I absolutely love this idea or this concept because so often, and I even, I'm still guilty of this, like none of us are perfect, obviously. But so often we find ourselves trying to time travel

Starting point is 00:28:14 and trying to change things. So, I mean, how many times have you stood in the shower replaying a conversation thinking, oh my gosh, I should have said this, or, oh, if only I had done that, or, oh, this would have been better if I had gone this way instead of that way. Or you get stuck in indecision and you're thinking, should I go this direction or should I go that direction? What if I make the wrong choice? And what if this, what if that, what if this? We get so wrapped up in all of this stuff that's outside of our control. We have very little control in our human experience. Control is very much an illusion in so many ways. And when it comes to radical acceptance, when you can find yourself sort of coming back

Starting point is 00:28:58 to this concept and coming back to this idea that, you know what, I don't like this. However, this is where I'm at right now. This is my life. So from here, if I can accept that this is where I'm at, now I can make a choice. If I don't like where this is, I don't like what's happening. What's my best way forward from here, rather than trying to change it and berate myself for making the wrong decisions that got me to the spot, just, okay, this is not where I wanted to be. I made some choices that got me here. Not so much what I'm aiming for. Let me redirect.

Starting point is 00:29:35 It's a much kinder way to move forward than to sit there and think, oh, if only I had or if only I could or if only I did. It just doesn't get you anywhere. You can't time travel. to sit there and think, oh, if only I had, or if only I could, or if only I did, you know, just doesn't get you anywhere. You can't time travel. And I think people maybe have to have radical acceptance for what that journey has to be from one ship to another, from one path to another. It's, it's not always easy. You know, you just can't be like, you just can't, you know, be doing, I don't know, uh, uh i don't know working at a cardboard facility one day and you're like i'm unhappy and you're just like and then you know the next day you walk into that perfect thing you love where i don't know you you teach gardening or something you know uh it's just a it's just like you just don't go like well i'll quit this and then oh there it is

Starting point is 00:30:20 it's the shining beacon on the hill thing that i need to go do. There's kind of like a journey you have to go on and a little bit of wandering. And sometimes, sadly, you know, kind of the way our world works, you know, financially, they don't make it easy. But I think that's kind of the, I don't know, you could probably do some joke about an evil plot of the, you know, the billionaires. The conspiracy of the corporation. Stay in your jobs uh yeah we're just joking people don't start a cult um so but you know you sometimes like you went to when you made your change you know you had to go from a high-paying job to 10 bucks an hour but you can't i think the important point about that is is you can't put a price on feeling fulfilled and doing something you'd love, right? So, well, maybe initially you're making 10 bucks an hour. You're not

Starting point is 00:31:12 showing up every day going, I want to just jump out one of these windows here. You know, I actually am kind of enjoying myself. You can't put a price on peace. You can't put a price on finding what you love to do. And so sometimes you just got to go through that cathartic journey. Yeah, absolutely. I think that's so true. And I think that's what a lot of people lose sight of because yes, I recognize money makes the world go round. This is the world we live in, whatever. But at the same time, you don't need the super fancy car or the super fancy house or whatever, because you really can't put a price on your piece. And I think often what I see in this, I actually do work with companies as well to try and help them with

Starting point is 00:31:58 employee satisfaction and employee burnout. And a lot of what I kind of point out is, unfortunately, some companies create this sort of unspoken culture where it's like we pay you a lot. So we expect you to be here 60 hours a week. It's like this unspoken agreement of like, yeah, you might feel like crap and you might feel stretched thin, but we pay you a lot. So you should have to deal with that. And I think a lot of people put themselves in a position where they think like, oh, but it's so much money. I can't say no. I can't set boundaries. I can't do this. I can't do that. And it's like, you know what? If you're living that life, it's just not worth the money. It's just not worth it. Yeah. It's something that people need to

Starting point is 00:32:41 realize that, hey, it's okay to go on that journey. And, yeah, maybe you're not going to keep up with the Joneses this week or whatever. But maybe that really isn't the thing that you're all about. I don't give a fuck about the Joneses. And here's a newsflash to most people. No one cares about what you're doing. They just don't care. They're so busy doing their own problems.

Starting point is 00:33:03 They don't care. They're so busy doing their own problems. They don't care about yours. Like I've had, I've had friends that are like, uh, people are watching me drive down the road in this old car. And I'm like, no one cares. Like no one, no one cares.

Starting point is 00:33:14 In fact, they're, they're worried about their own shit. They got, you know, a lot of people don't realize, I think it's kind of epiphany. People have about 40 or 50.

Starting point is 00:33:21 They realize that all the thinking they're doing about what they think other people are thinking about them, no one's thinking about them at all. Yeah, absolutely. No one gives a crap. Like, I don't, you know, they spend half their life trying to impress other people, keeping up with the Joneses, keeping the right car, the right job,

Starting point is 00:33:40 the right college degree, blah, blah, blah, that we've been talking about. So you've launched a new course that we should talk about, a new online course about self-care. Tell us about that and how it works. Yeah. So this is actually, this is a course that's going to lead into another course that I'm currently building, but it's called Self-Care Mastery. It's a mini course. It's three modules. It's nice, quick, and easy, but it's basically a way for someone who might be experiencing a little bit of burnout or on their way to burnout, get a little bit of a deep dive into personalized self-care.

Starting point is 00:34:20 And it's a very much a self-discovery journey. So this isn't your like, let me give you the perfectly curated Instagram self-care routine, like do a facial, do a pedicure, whatever. It's not that. It is very much a self-discovery mini course. And I take you on a journey of figuring out who you are at your core, what your values are, and you craft your own personalized self-care plan out of that self discovery. So it's very, it's very cool. There you go. Uh, and so how do people onboard with you? How do they work with you? How do they see if, if you, um, if you can, uh, you know,

Starting point is 00:34:59 you're a good fit with each other, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. So you can find me on Instagram at radically alive. I have a link on my profile where you can book a free call with me to have a bit of a consultation. And you can also go to my website, radicallyalivecoaching.com. You can enroll in my courses. You can also book a call with me there. There you go. You know, this is really important people. I've been referencing Fight Club a lot, and the reason I probably do Fight Club is because there's a lot of truthisms in there. But it's what woke me up. When I was, you know, I had everything I thought I wanted and didn't have anything I really wanted. I went, is this all there is and i saw the movie fight club and it it shocked me it woke me up and i had a huge awakening uh there's a line from it uh you are not your job you are not how much money you have in the bank you are not the car you drive you're not the contents of your wallet you're not your fucking khakis um and i think what we've been

Starting point is 00:36:01 talking about that's kind of harkened this back to me is that we think, you know, from what you and I have been discussing in the past hour, we think we're all those things. Oh, I'm the career person at XYZ Morris & Morris Company and the chief accountant, you know, and I've got the title and all that stuff. I've got the BMW. I've got the bmw i've got the um the thing and people don't realize that you know what you've talked about and what you coach people on is you help them find themselves and all this external bullshit you know fuck martha stewart as they say in fight club fuck the sofa it really is a brilliant movie isn't it it's really everything it's got it all yeah but what it tells you is that you need to find what's inside of you.

Starting point is 00:36:46 What makes your heartbeat? What makes your soul be filled? And kind of what your sort of modality is that you enjoy doing. And then a lot of times, especially in the great thing about today's world, you can usually find just about any way to make money off of the thing that you love. And that's the great thing about being an entrepreneur as well. You find something you love and you go, I really love doing this. And I wonder if anybody else likes doing this. People are like, yeah, we like doing that.

Starting point is 00:37:12 Teach us how to do it or show us, you know, the different skill set that we need to do it. And so I like that Fight Club quote because what we've been talking about is not just finding what the social world hands you and says, get the job, get the picket fence, get the career, get the title, you know, get, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, do all the hoops. And a lot of times it doesn't work out, you know, get married, have the kids, everything will be fine. And, you know, I know a lot of people that you'd think they'd have everything, but they're freaking miserable.

Starting point is 00:37:43 And the problem is you end up building that gilded cage that's very hard to get out of. It's a trap. But really, we need to find out what's inside of us, like what you said about coaching people, and what we really want, and what would fulfill us and fill our internal buckets, as opposed to our external buckets. There we go. Yeah, 100%. I think it really is.

Starting point is 00:38:03 It's all about passion and purpose. You find your passion, you find your purpose, and your purpose is not what your mom said you were going to be when you grow up. It's not what your proficiency test said that you took when you were in high school. It's not that. All of us came here into this existence with a gift and a purpose. And when you find what that is, all the other stuff falls into place. It doesn't matter. You don't have to worry about, will I make this much? Will I have enough to survive? Will I do this? Will I do that?

Starting point is 00:38:38 You find this sort of inner compass and this inner trust that whatever you do, you will find a way because you've got passion and purpose. A very dear friend of mine once said, you can get anywhere without a plan if you pack a strong enough purpose. There you go. Having a purpose in life is so important. I remember in 2008, what you're speaking to, in 2008, I lost all my companies. And it just totally wiped out. Our biggest company was a mortgage company. So, I mean, that took everything down. But nothing was working.

Starting point is 00:39:13 Everything came to a standstill economic-wise. And I remember going through the cathartic journey of losing everything and realizing that it wasn't those things that I owned that made me. It was me. I'd always been the entrepreneur since 18. I was always been the builder, the guy, the innovator, the idea man. And as long as I still had me, I could rebuild and I could do stuff. And what you mentioned before in talking about knowing that you can do it, that's so important because people think

Starting point is 00:39:46 all that external bullshit is the thing that makes them it's their identity it's their you know it's without it they can't survive but um when you get down to the core you realize that you're the person who can do it you know you have the ability and if you don't think you have the ability you can develop the skills to do it i mean i was an introvert and now i'm an extrovert who is an asshole on a podcast um you know and the loud mouth ceo boss who goes and gives speeches um you know you you can change and life is going to change and you're going to change and it's okay you're gonna be fine um a lot of you know you mentioned earlier in the show about how people say, well, maybe it's too late. You know, I'm too old to change.

Starting point is 00:40:29 I think Oprah, there's a whole list. I'll see memes on social media, so I can't quote them right. But the guy who started KFC, the guy Oprah, there's a whole list of people who sometimes really didn't restart their lives and find success until they were like 40s or 50s. Yeah. Morgan Freeman only started or 50s. Yeah. Morgan Freeman only started acting at 46. Yeah. There you go. And he's like 90 now or 100 or something.

Starting point is 00:40:55 I'm just kidding. He's pretty old. He's pretty old. He's working it good. He's got it down. So give us your final thoughts and pitch out as we go out. So I would say my biggest final thought is find your way to your truth. And when I talk about living radically, it's really just ditching the script. It's okay to let go of all the things that people said you were.

Starting point is 00:41:27 Like you don't have to believe that you are who people say you are or the people have told you you are as you were growing up. At any time, you can let all of that go. One of my favorite memes that I saw once upon a time was a wise woman once said, fuck that shit. And she lived happily ever after. And I wholeheartedly embrace that. That is so true. That's living radical.

Starting point is 00:41:55 There it is. Just don't live your life. Don't let anybody tell you who you are. Only, you know who you are and don't make things your identity. Make you your identity. I mean, I can go anywhere probably in the world and, and if you give me a couple bucks and i don't even probably

Starting point is 00:42:10 don't even need a couple bucks i probably figure out how to start a company where i go um and they probably have to you know i had friends during the the great recessions tell me you know because i was trying so much stuff to find find something would hit. And, you know, nothing was moving. It was like a dead still economy. And one of my friends said to me, they go, you've tried so many things that if it came on the news that you were an international weapons dealer, I wouldn't be surprised because you tried so much

Starting point is 00:42:42 to get out of all this stuff and survive this crash. And that's really what it was down to. It was down to about me. And when COVID hit, I had the tools to go, okay, well, I survived 2008, so I can do this. I mean, I don't know about the health part, but the business part and the money part and stuff, I can figure out a way to survive this.

Starting point is 00:43:05 So there you go. Tell people how they can onboard with you, reach out to you and sign up with you. Yes, you can find me on Instagram. It's at radicallyalive. And you can also get onto my website, radicallyalivecoaching.com. Everything is there.

Starting point is 00:43:24 And I would love to chat with you there you go uh thanks to ken for the great words there agreed good job chris uh you need to work on your space in there buddy but i still love you uh thanks to us for tuning in thank you very much jamie for being here we really appreciate it thanks chris there you go guys refer the show to your family, friends, relatives. If not, you'll lay awake at night in just guilt and shame going, why didn't I invite my family and friends to the Chris Voss show today? What's wrong with me? No, I'm just kidding. People don't do that. Go to goodreads.com, 4chesschrissvoss, linkedin.com, 4chesschrissvoss, youtube.com, 4chesschrissvoss and chr Chris Foss1. The tickety-tockety. Thanks for tuning in.

Starting point is 00:44:05 Be good to each other. Stay safe. And we'll see you guys next time.

The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Jamie Gantt, ICF Certified Coach and Positive Psychology Practitioner

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