The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Jennifer Chapman, Founder of Just Commit Coaching, ICM Certified Mindset Coach & Speaker

Episode Date: October 13, 2023

Jennifer Chapman, Founder of Just Commit Coaching, ICM Certified Mindset Coach & Speaker Justcommitcoaching.com Jennifer Chapman, an Indy native and Ball State graduate spent the first 16 years as a sales professional in a variety of roles with several organizations where she thrived. After life had different plans for her in 2017, she had to learn how to accept and embrace this new version of herself. She felt the call to create Just Commit Coaching in 2021 after the power life coaching had on her life after suffering a major health scare. Jennifer’s passion lies in supporting an individual’s whole self on all levels so they can excel in every area of their life.  She has completed a year-long certification through Institute of Coaching Mastery. Jennifer is passionate about supporting others through 1:1 and group coaching as well as speaking her message on Embracing Your Inner Warrior: Overcoming a Victim Mentality.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready, get ready, strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times, because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. Chris Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com.

That's it. The opera singer. She's the new intro. She's the new intro we just introduced this week. Who is introducing that singing line. Because we got too many complaints over 13 years. People were like, who sings that horrible line? And they're like, the host is an idiot.

But he's funny the rest of the time. No, I never said that. Actually, people liked it. Every time I stopped doing it, I get emails emails so you're gonna keep doing that thing you're gonna keep doing the thing uh so there you go you'll be able to run up to me in public and scream the chris voss show but you have to sing in an opera operatic voice there or whatever the hell that is so hey guys welcome to the big show we certainly appreciate you guys we're coming to you from the chris voss studios in the chris v foss landia if you don't know where that is i was born in burbank and lived in north hollywood as a as a thing and

i think northlandia or chris foss landia is somewhere close to burbank i don't know it just sounds like it should be doesn't it i don't know i'm just making up stuff as i go on because that's the ramble that's what we do in the ramble every time it's different so if you go back and listen to each one it's never the same except for the singing part that's always the same and then some idiot who always says he's chris voss but i don't know it depends on which personality shows up today uh we have an amazing uh young lady on the show we're gonna be talking to her about how she's going to improve the quality of your life give you uh her knowledge and what she has accumulated and how she can make your life better because

we've seen your life and you need some improvement. Don't we all though? I mean, look at me. I'm 55 and I'm still finding new ways to improve. That's the whole reason I do this podcast is to get a front row seat to the brilliant minds and I get to improve. And sometimes I come off this show and I learn so much and I'm like, I hope my audience learned a lot, but I learned so much that I just really don't care if anybody doesn't learn

anything. I learned a ton. So if you're not learning a ton from the show, you may want to, I don't know, seek professional help with that. Or you go back and listen to every damn show. There's two to three shows, three to four shows. Now weekday. There's 20 shows pretty much coming out every week. If you're not listening to everyone, remember there is a test on Saturday. And if you don't pass it, I don't know what we do. We punish you in some way, shape or form. So refer the show to family, friends and relatives. Help us pay for the opera singer that costs half the budget this year.

Five dollars on fiverr uh go to goodreads.com fortress chris foss linkedin.com fortress chris foss youtube.com fortress chris foss and chris fuss one on the tickety-tockety over there where the kids are playing uh jennifer chapman joins us on the show today she's a certified life coach and speaker and she talks about interesting things. One of her bylines is, it's okay not to be okay, but it's not okay to stay not okay. Okay, I got it. And that's kind of what I was leading to in earlier. If you're not getting it, you should probably just keep trying until you get it. Jennifer Chapman is an Indy native and Ball State graduate.

She spent her first 16 years as a sales professional in a variety of roles with several organizations where she thrived. After life had different plans for her in 2017, she had to learn how to accept and embrace this new version of herself. She felt the call to create Just Commit Coaching in 2021 after the Power Life Coaching had on her life after suffering a major health scare. Jennifer is passionized in supporting an individual's whole self on all levels so they can excel in every area of their life. She's completed a year-long certification through Institute of Coaching Mastery, and she is passionate about helping others through one-on-one and group coaching, as well as speaking her message on embracing your inner warrior, overcoming a victim mentality.

We're going warrior, folks, today. So put on your gear, grab your spear, and off we're going to go. Welcome to the show, Jennifer. How are you? That was a hell of an introduction, Chris. I'm doing great. Thanks. How are you? There you go. There you go. That's why I have a podcast. It's good. Thank you very much. I certainly appreciate it. We aim to entertain with our spiritages in the warriordom here that you have entered.

You've entered the warrior dome. And since you are here to instruct us on the ways of the warrior, we're glad to have you. Give us your dot com so people can find you on the interwebs. Yeah. Find me at just commit to coaching dot com, please. Thank you. I've got the whole warrior theme going on now. I'm thinking like Thunderdome with that Mad Max sort of thing and

what's her face who shows up and she screams Thunderdome the great singer who recently passed away so thank you for coming on the show give us like a 30,000 overview of what you do for yourself and clients yeah 30,000

view is I help men and women that are struggling in life i feel like they're just surviving and i help them go to thriving by embracing their their inner warrior by helping support them on a mental emotional and physical level and uh so what got you down this road uh tell us a little bit about your origin story. We alluded to some crises you had in life. And tell us about your journey. Yeah, thank you. I think it's my superpower, honestly.

And, you know, it's taken me a lot of not only time, but work on myself to be able to say that with confidence, is that, you know, I lost my mom at a young age. And at age 11, it was kind of finding a way to already accept a new normal. That was, it's unheard of. I mean, it's, you know, so that was, that was kind of the start of my story. And then it really came full circle when I suffered a life changing stroke at age 34, which was the same age she was when she passed. And I was in corporate sales at the time.

Oh, wow. Wow. And she was 34? She was 34. And I didn't know that, right? Like I didn't process how old she was. I knew I was really young when it happened. And so when I turned 34,

it was quite the epiphany that I had while I was coming off the best year of my sales career. There was a part of me that was on a high and then had this moment two days later when I turned 34, like, oh my goodness. I still feel so young. And then nine months later, then to suffer a stroke, I didn't process even that I was the same age, really probably until about a year later, it kind of came to. Wow, that's pretty amazing so is it attributable to anything in your dna or your genetics from your family having uh young age strokes no wow no so it that that was a process in and of itself was to figure out

because i consider myself a pretty healthy person took took care of myself, worked out all the time. My mom did not pass from a stroke. So there was no family history of stroke. So to figure that out and the why behind it took about 18 months for them to determine the cause of it. So that next 18 months after it wasn't, it took about four or five months to physically recover. I was going through rehab and therapy. It was much harder to overcome and work through the mental and emotional aspects of recovery. I got to say, yeah. Yeah. And so does that create a cathartic time for you? I would imagine, uh, and, and cause you to reanalyze your whole life. That's put you down this path. Well said. Yes. That's what it was like. It was because I think i think you know i went back to corporate sales a few months later thinking i was i was good to go i was ready i was healed

i thought i could do it i wanted to go back to normal what you know whatever that means that was um that next like i said about a year that i still stayed with that company and was still trying to sell at a high level every day and wondering why I'm crying in my car every day. Oh, wow. Had no idea. You know, I didn't know at the time that I was living with so much fear and anxiety. I had never experienced that feeling before, you know, and the fact that it was like, it felt so out of my control. There you go. You know, you, you, you, you're so young at that time. And so people don't really think about that. You know, they didn't even know that in the hospital. They didn't know that.

Oh, they didn't know that you'd had a stroke. No. The first neurologist misdiagnosed me with vertigo. Holy crap. Yeah. Wow. And probably because, you know, technically, I mean, she shouldn't misdiagnose, but, but, you know, the, the, it's, it's so, um, weird for, um, you know, having that so much

in your youth. So how do you, uh, how do you navigate the pathway beyond that where you're, you're, you're, you're crying in your car, you're, you're struggling to deal with your situation. Uh, what, where do we go from there? Yeah. You know, I, I always say like everybody needs somebody, you know? And so even though so even though I have amazing family and friends and husband, they could only get me to a certain point. They didn't know what to do with me every time they called me and I was crying. It's like, what do you continue to say? And I was open enough at the time to try therapy first. And that got me a little bit further, but I was still emotionally drained walking out of those sessions. And I'm like, I no longer want to feel therapy first. And that got me a little bit further, but I was still emotionally drained

walking out of those sessions. And I'm like, I no longer want to feel this way. I am so tired. It's not even the word tired. It was so fatiguing and draining. And I was still, my brain was still healing. So understanding that. And then it was through a friend's recommendation that I try a life coach. And this was in 2018. Yeah. And I was was like I don't know what that is but I'm open to it I what tell me more about that yeah yeah you you sometimes you have to reach that point where you're just sick of it and you're just like I'm gonna try something different and sometimes you know identifying that sooner than later is the most important part. And, but sometimes you have to do kind of go through a journey a bit and there's, you know, there's a stages of grief and loss and, and, uh, you know, sometimes you have to process that. Uh, but, but there is a point

that you reach where you just go, I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm sick of this and I'm going to do something. Right. So what happens when you discover the life coaching? That was a couple of powerful moments with her in the first couple of sessions. One was already reframing my mind and not that I was sitting there saying, why me? She asked me that if I had done that. Right right and i'm surrounded by people that are saying those words like why jennifer right how did this happen how why and she just looked at me straight just as a matter of fact and said you need to ask yourself why not me and i was like that lands different all right let me let me process that wasn't you know you have to be in a space to really hear that and process it and i mean several months later you know probably longer than that

did i really understand yeah this happened for me this happened for a reason what is that reason everything does and and some people you may not want to hear that because if you're in a hard situation you're you're not ready to hear that. I fully understand that, right? No one could have told me as a teenager, well, your mom passed for a reason. Like, no, stop. And it has taken me several, several years to really know. Honestly, probably, Chris, in the last two, three years, have I really been able to embrace these reasons that were given to me with losing my mom and having a stroke, you know, and using those to as my superpower to now be able to help others that are where I've been. There you go. Do you, do you feel like you had, had, had closure with your mom's passing or did this having the stroke and, and

going through this, uh, reprospectivization, is that a word? Uh, changing your perspective, your framing as you put it. Did that make you identify that maybe you hadn't fully processed that or got closure with your mother's passing? You nailed it. I didn't know I didn't until this. Yeah, probably because it happened when you're so young. Yeah, and I didn't know that i was grieving an

old version of myself as well like i was grieving my mom that was happening grieving an old version of yourself i was like i had to let let her go that's very insightful that's very insightful uh when i when my dog passed uh she passed the middle of the night one night and from a seizure and it was over in a half an hour and you know i always thought you know oh you get time they tell you three days but it was it was over and gone um and uh so it was a it was enormous shock and when i wrote about on facebook and kind of poured out my soul and what I felt and the loss and the pain. And it was a lot of vodka too. I had people write me and they said, you know, you burying your soul

and just bleeding all that out on a Facebook and a post made me realize that I didn't process my parents' death. I didn't process my other dog's death or animal's death or someone I loved's death. And I was kind of surprised by it. It made me go, I don't know, how did you not process your parents' death? But it happens to people. And, you know, kind of what you'd explain really nails it right on the head, you know. Maybe at 11, you're not fully equipped to, with all the tools you need to process a death, you know? Maybe at 11, you're not fully equipped to,

with all the tools you need to process a death, you know? And then grieving our old selves. I mean, that's a really great concept to kind of think about because we go through cathartic times and we, you know, sometimes we lose everything. There's people lost everything in 2008 and there's people that, you know sometimes we lose everything there's people lost everything in 2008 uh and there's people that you know maybe they go through a divorce i know divorces any sort of these identity experiences where we have something it's an identity and we see ourselves as that and

then that gets taken away from us and then we have to realize that we weren't ever maybe that, or we're not that anymore. And we have to realize who we are now. And sometimes that may be really the truth of who we've always been. We weren't really that, it was really who we become. Is that true? Or what do you think about what I just said? I, that, that lands for me. I wholeheartedly believe that. I think, I think people have to be open and willing and believe that that's possible though. And I, I see so many, which is kind of where my, when I speak about victim mentality versus warrior mentality comes from honestly is like you know when i when i started uh when i speak in engagement i start with you've survived every single day of your life until this very moment right like you've survived congratulations like you've made

it that's true however have you let something in your life hold you back or control you or have some power over you where you've maybe not even been aware that you've played the victim role? I remember I did a post on Facebook when I turned 50 and it was like opposed me. It was like a victim sort of post. I'm like, oh, God, I've hit 50. I remember what the old man was doing at 50 and fortunately i have better health and a lot better health than he does at 50 um which is interesting because i lived a much uh sinful life than he did but uh uh he never drank or did any things i did uh but he didn't have as much fun either so maybe that was it yeah but uh i wrote a post about it

and somebody hit me in the comments like a punch in the gut and they said you know chris there's a lot of people who aren't here right now that would love to be 50 and never made it and maybe you should think about that and it just it struck me it still strikes me this day and it's like waking up every day is uh you're winning yep yeah yeah and because a lot of people don't get to do it and you should probably have some gratitude for it so i love how you start out your speaking engagements with that yeah i think it hits it lands for people right it's it hopefully i mean my goal and mission is to hopefully shift a change in perspective for people. There you go.

And that's really what people really need. One of the issues that you have when you have a soul identity that's not really yourself or centered in yourself is it's more external because it's controlled by other things. Like I've had business partners and best friends that I loved wholeheartedly. I would have done anything for. And then you get betrayed or you lose that partner. And sometimes this happens in divorces and other issues. And you realize that that was an external thing. It literally wasn't you.

You know, I've talked often on the Chris Voss show, and it's in my book too, about how you go through that Jackie Martling, Howard Stern loss. When Jackie Martling left Howard Stern and Howard Stern was lost, he's like, oh my God, I've lost my mojo. I've lost my partner. I'm no longer cool. I'm no longer funny. I can't do this job anymore. I should just quit and go home. Imposter syndrome sort of thing. And then he figures out that it's always been him. He really didn't need Jackie Martling Lee.

He's always been the guy. And he can still do it. And he goes on to do it. And, you know, I went through that process. And I think a lot of people do.. And, you know, I went through that process and I think a lot of people do, they realize that the power is within them and that they are the core. And that really helps, has helped me survive all sorts of ups and downs. Like when COVID came along, I'm like, okay, well, 2008 again, here we go. We know what to do now. Um, Put in the work and go. And so someone like you who's stood at life's door, death's door, with your stroke, you know, you have that perspective of coming back and saying, hey, let's reframe.

Let's get perspective. when you're stuck in that identity, what I started with down this road, you can't see the other identities, right? Of maybe what you could become or what you can be. And so you've got to make that shift somehow and find who is that other identity or your true identity maybe. Yeah. I mean, you just hope somebody's rock bottom isn't, you know, everybody I think hits that rock bottom and you hope that it's not so hard when you hit that you can't tap into that resilient piece of you, right? And bounce back. And I think we have the tools, but sometimes we need some people like you or your life coach to show us that there's other ways. We need to listen to podcasts like this so you can learn, hey, you know what? If I do hit rock bottom, there are options.

And there's other identities. And sometimes you're hitting rock bottom because you've held on to something for far too long when you should have let it go. And maybe we should put that on a coffee cup or a t-shirt. And that's usually what it is. You've held on to it and you won't give it up. And you've done that Faustian bargaining where you're like, well, as long as I don't lose this, I'll still be my identity. As long as I don't lose that, I'll still be my identity. sometimes when you're going through crisis or failures or cathartic moments, everything's going to get taken from you because that identity is being dissolved, basically. I just gave myself my own epiphany.

I think you did, yeah. Yeah, I'm really on it today. But I've been through this a few times. But really, you're dissolving your identity and and you you you've got to embrace it and and sometimes you're gonna just have to hit rock bottom where you've lost all you've dissolved all of your identity and you're like well it's just my naked self here um and with no identity and who am I, what do I do? And well, let's rebuild. And,

uh, you know, you're, you're, it's like almost like, uh, you know, coming down the birth canal again,

you're welcome to your new life. You're, you're flat ass naked in the fetal position. And, and it's time to do what you say, embrace your new inner warrior, get out of the victim mentality and go, who am I now?

And what are we doing let's go well said yeah well you you're the one who said it's okay not to be okay but it's not okay to stay not okay so don't stay not okay get out of the fetal position and rock and roll so how do people overcome victim mentality i imagine the first step is identifying you have it. That's correct. The first step, first and foremost, and always and forever is self-awareness. Yeah, there you go. A lot of people struggle with that. Why is that that people struggle with being self-aware?

Some people aren't ready, don't want to be, are scared to know what's on the other side of that self-awareness think that they're safer i think and more comfortable where they are when really it's like that's that's where you're staying stuck and that's where you will never know what true freedom for yourself feels like it's because you're scared to step out of that comfort zone right like people are fear fear eats people eats people up it does because you don't know what that other identity is. And you don't really want to change. You're like, this is really comfortable where I am right now. It's like a warm, cozy blanket.

And you're like, oh, I like this. I'm very comfortable here. And I don't want to change. And like I said, sometimes you're dissolving your identity. Your life is dissolving your identity and kicking your butt. Because it's like you're going to change whether you like it or not yeah and i mean i mean a powerful question when when someone gives me that answer is like how is how is that working for you really deep down think about it is it really yeah it's clearly worked for you up to a certain point or you wouldn't still be doing it but now are you ready to upgrade and up level who you want to be in this next season of your life there you go uh you know a

lot of people uh live we live in a world that has a lot of victim mentality going on i've talked about this in the show a lot because i everywhere i see victim mentality and and pretty much a victim competition society where you see people always trying to go no i'm a bigger victim than you no i'm a bigger victim than you no i've got this going on i'm a bigger victim than you it's almost become like a norm like if you read headlines and stuff especially with celebrity stuff it's always victim which is really interesting because you're like i'm a celebrity and everybody knows me and i have millions of dollars and five assistants to my thing. But, oh, I'm a victim of hangnail.

I have a hangnail. Oh, what was me? You know, and you're like, seriously? I mean, you couldn't live any more of a blessed life. I'll trade you any day for your hangnail. And you see that a lot in media and i think it's kind of created a culture in our world where people think it's it's the new game it's like the new it's like let's let's use that as my identity the victim mentality identity so how do people

go from victim mentality with working with you to embracing a lawyer and why do you use the word warrior you know that's a that's a great question i i i created it and came up with it as i was creating my business and i thought you know i would have conversations with people like yourself all over the world as i'm as i'm putting my my name and my brain and my services out there and i'd have conversations with people people don't know what they don't know. And they would unintentionally call me a stroke victim. Oh really? Yeah. Just that, you know, versus stroke survivor.

Oh, okay. I see the difference in the, in the, in the language and perception. It's huge for me personally. Like it, it's at least a stroke survivor for me. If not a stroke thriver or stroke warrior. I mean, what, what I've been through, you know it it's at least a stroke survivor for me if not a stroke thriver or stroke warrior i mean what what i've been through you know it's it was no small feat and i literally thought well i would only be a victim if it took my life yeah yeah great comment here from marcello on uh linkedin bingo fear can be very comfortable in that blanket. But the only way you're going to overcome fear is to overcome fear. Yeah. Get out of it.

It's building a new relationship with it. Yeah. And maybe a new relationship with yourself. Would you think that's true? Totally. It's the best relationship you can ever have. It's the relationship you're going to have forever. That's guaranteed, right?

No other relationship's guaranteed. I've tried to break up with myself several times, but he keeps stalking me. He gets shows back up. So yeah, every morning he's there in my bed and I'm just like, dude, you again? I thought I got rid of you. But no, there's times where I've gotten rid

of my identities and myself. And sometimes I thought I got rid of you. But no, there's times where I've gotten rid of my identities and myself. And sometimes I look at old videos of me or some of the ways I used to be and I go, man, what an idiot that guy was. And I'll probably do that five years from now. I'll be listening to this podcast and go, that guy is an idiot. But the fact that you can keep that you know it's identification that you keep growing you keep improving i mean um you you want to always keep improving yourself because when you identify and what we're talking about with the what you don't know what you don't know is there's there's three major things in life there's there's what you know there's things that you know there's

things that you know you don't know like i know you don't know. Like I know I don't know physics and algebra. Yeah. And calculus. And I don't want to know. Right. And, you know, I tried that in junior high. Same. Yeah.

Bless the people that do. Yeah. I'll leave that to the scientists. God bless them. And people that, you know, they know that stuff. But that's not my lane, clearly. But then there's the things that you don't know. You don't know.

And those are usually the things that can come out of left field and hit you in the head. Because you weren't paying attention. Or you weren't seeking, you know, to expand your mind. And that's where a lot of people, especially in the Dunning-Kruger crowd, the people that have blind spots but they're really calm they're really dumb but they're really confident about how dumb they are um you see that in politics a lot or just social media online uh people that just don't do any sort of self-awareness or self-exploration so how do you get to the point of improving your mindset

and and i guess what you say controlling what you can control is there decisions we have to make about what we can do and what we can't it's such a great exercise to share with people is literally creating you know on a piece of paper drawing a circle and writing what what's in your control in this circle and acknowledging literally every single thing that's outside of your control and then being able to identify, okay, that's out of my control, but I've allowed it to control me for so long and I can feel that. And then it's being able to acknowledge it.

Your body's always keeping tabs. It knows everything. It's kept tabs of every single thing you've been through in your entire life. So really even being able to pay attention to like, where does it have control over me in my body where do i feel that because all it wants is space to be felt and seen in her and once you give it that space that that sensation will dissipate until the until then there's that it's the resistance is what's really hard to what somebody wants. And you've got to overcome that resistance because, I mean, resisting isn't going to help you get closer to what you want. One of the things you talk about is mastering your past.

What does it mean specifically? Chris, it's probably the most powerful question you can ask today. Everybody's got one, right? And I would say if you're age 20 and you haven't had some type of trauma in your life, you're pretty lucky, let alone being 30 or 40 years old. Some people maybe don't even realize as adults that they experienced, whether it's big T or little t trauma, there's such a spectrum of what trauma can look like for someone, right? Mine was pretty big with, with the loss that I had, but trauma could be, you know, you were bullied in school, right? Or you were one of five kids and you weren't treated the same as your brothers and sisters, or maybe you had your mom taught you,

you had to be perfect as a kid. And that, you know, that's trauma. That's still playing out in your life and has so much control over you. So it's really being able to identify something in your past because all of your patterns and behaviors that you're playing out as an adult, you learned by the time you were seven or eight or nine years old. Yeah. It's interesting. We've had so much discussion about this over the years in the show and so many great guests have talked about trauma and it's a weight on you that, that, and, and, and, and the reason I use the word drag is because sometimes you don't get to 40 or 50 and you look back on your life path and you're like, what's been dragging in the sand? That's my ass. Uh, and whatever that trauma is, I've been taking for dragging around for all these years. And it's weighed down on you. And so, and then you have to recognize it. But, you know,

sadly, some people don't recognize it until you see that pattern where you're like, why didn't I keep having the same kind of crap or relationships or whatever. And so much of it comes from childhood. It's just kind of extraordinary. So much of it. We almost need to quit teaching algebra in junior high and teach trauma therapy. That's not a joke. I would support that. Especially now, right?

We don't know what it would have been like to be in middle school and go through COVID. Oh, yeah. Geez. Wow. So then you've got, you know, we don't know what it would have been like to be in middle school and go through covid oh yeah geez wow so then you've got you know i don't we don't have kids but to have you know women my age have kids going through middle school and high school and having to navigate that is a whole nother layer than when we went through school on top of any of the the trauma that we potentially face which are still you, maybe the abuse or divorce, divorce is huge or loss. I mean, there's so much there that it's like, if you're a parent and you haven't dealt with your own stuff, whether you know it, like it or not, you've passed something on to your kid. Yeah. And, and, uh, you know, people are traumatized,

can traumatize other people. Um, you know, You know, I mean, there's people who've been molested as children and molested other children. And there's a thing that goes with that. It's kind of extraordinary. So the most important thing that we can do as individuals is not continue to be victims, but to try and reconcile the damage that we have and try and get through that. And I think that's what a lot of you're communicating and trying to get clients to realize. Yes. And thank you for saying that. And I would just add to that what I know to be true. There's a lot of judgment, right? So if we're judging somebody for something that we see,

that we're questioning, that is automatically a reflection back to you that you are judging a part of yourself that you're just not ready to face. So it's a lot easier to go external and point the finger at somebody else. You talk about building resilience within. So once we master our past and work on healing our younger self, how do we build resilience within so that we can get to the next level and become maybe our true identity or true self i think it's probably a scary answer for a lot of people to hear and what i know to be true is the power of stillness and really being able to work on building the strongest, best relationship we can with what's going on upstairs.

Yeah. Because a lot of, you know what we said about earlier, the control piece, it's like we have the power over our minds, but a lot of times we're letting our minds have power over us because it is, it is your biggest protector. So it's always going to be the first one to tell you,

don't do it. You can't do it. You're not good enough. When really it's being able to navigate that relationship and inner dialogue with your own mind. I can do that. Thanks for showing up. I see you telling me that, but I'm going to continue to move in this direction now because I can do that. I am enough, right? I am safe. I am loved. It's, it's it's those basic you know that basic inner dialogue that you begin your day with and end your day with so how so what does that self-talk look like again it's relationship with self it's building a better relationship with self yeah i mean the

one person that you need to have love you the most is yourself no doubt because if you don't you treat yourself pretty awful uh and if you're looking for. No doubt. Because if you don't, you treat yourself pretty awful. And if you're looking for love externally, well, good luck if you don't love yourself. Right. Because you've got to have something to give to other people to have reciprocated to you. And so you've got to do the work and love yourself. I mean, I suppose I had some issues with that. You know, I used to abuse alcohol.

Um, I was in an attic, but I was, you know, I over drank and, and, uh, at first it was like fuel. And I'm like, Hey, I own three companies. I want to work harder late at night. And I've got, you know, all this paperwork I need to do. And I was innovation I'm working on this, you know, throw back a few and it's, you know, instant sugar fuel. Um, and i would relax so i wouldn't be stressed and so i could get more work out of me and then it just became

abusive where you know it's just like you know these hangovers aren't worth it right uh there's uh and if you don't love yourself you know you eat badly you don't take care of your health you don't take care of your lifestyle you don't, care of your mind. It just, it just spirals. And then you can't be productive in ways that, that are healthy for you and, and a move in a positive way. And so learning to love yourself and go, Hey, I really like this person. I'm going to feed them good, healthy foods. I'm going to treat them well. I'm going to make sure they get their eight hours, seven, eight hours of sleep a day. It's like, I like me, uh, but, uh, we need to get eight hours of sleep or else I don't like me very much.

And it's not very cool. Um, I, you know, I eat better now. I don't drink anymore. Uh, you know, I didn't have to quit. And one day I just went, I'm tired of hangovers. You know, at 50, your body's like, we're not doing this with you anymore. And if you want to do it, if you want to do it, uh, your, your little hour fun on Fridays there with the, with throwing back the booze. Yeah. Uh,

you're going to enjoy three days of dehydration, bloating and water. And by, by being more in love with my body and eating better and not eating crap food anymore, I started getting in tune with what my body was feeling. And so there's a whole redevelopment stage, I guess, is what we're talking about that you have to go through and rebuilding that new identity. Well said. And I acknowledge you for the work that you've done on yourself. And it kind of goes back to listening to your body

because your body is going to tell you what it doesn't like. We're just hardwired and trained to resist it, push that down, and power through. So it's like alcohol doesn't – no judgment for anyone that is drinking out there. Hell, I used to sell booze. I get it in my former life. And also paying attention to yeah, it may be really fun in the moment. My body never liked it the next day. It would always trigger a headache. It's always telling me, probably shouldn't do that. But it was always fun.

Power through. I'll get rid of the headache. Or if I eat something that's not good for me, but it tasted so good, it's like I'll deal with whatever. It tastes so good, it's like I'll deal with whatever. It tastes so good, so I'm going to eat it anyways. I think it's an emotional relationship with everything, right? It's not what we're eating or drinking or when. It's why we're doing it. And it's really taking, it's the power of pause before we do it.

Why am I doing this? Would my future self thank me for doing this right now? There you go. Would my future self thank me for doing it? That's another thing we can put on a cup or a shirt. I love that now. There you go. Would my future self thank me for doing this? That's another thing we can put on a cup or a shirt. I love that idea. There you go. We've got a whole message shirt.

We've got a whole merch section going here on the Chris Vasha. So talk to us about what you do. I'm looking over your website, and I notice you have several coaching programs. You do some speaking. You've got some resources here. Tell us how that plays out and what you do with your work. Yeah do some speaking. You've got some resources here. Tell us how that plays out and what you do with your work. Yeah, thank you. You know, over this last year, as everybody's starting to do more in-person events and conferences and team engagements and

things like that, speaking for me has been a really great outlet for me to share that story of victim versus warrior mentality because it relates on so many levels to so many people. And so my hope is to continue to speak as a way to generate leads to be able to work with different groups of people and be a big lead generator for me, honestly. Yeah. It's a great way to get the word out there and get people going on. I noticed on your website you have something called the, I'm not sure if I'm going to pronounce this right, the Enneagram? Yeah, the Enneagram. What is that?

It's a fantastic self-awareness tool. So it's a series of questions. Everyone has a number, one through nine, and everybody has a little bit of each number within them, but one's like your, your main go-to and it certainly tells you your greatest strength, which is also your greatest weakness, honestly. So it's just,

again, a race and you can, the more work that you do for yourself, whatever that looks like, whether you work with a coach or, you know, whatever self care looks like, you know,

as you focus on yourself from a physical level, mental, emotional, spiritual level, all the levels, aspects of your life, you can see levels of growth within that number, like a healthier version of, of who you are. It's cool. It's, it's, it's really powerful. A lot of people have aha moments and are more just kind of affirmation like yeah this is this is part of who i am let me tap into what you know what are the great things about me and noticing like more importantly probably working on the things that are you know that i don't love the word weaknesses but we all have them um focusing on those you can kind of find a better balance that's true if you don't know what your weaknesses are, you don't identify them or address them, or if you're in denial about them, you're not going to be able to deal with them. So there you go.

Now, I noticed you do coaching for several different groups of people. Tell us about how that works. Yeah, what I'm really leaning in towards now is working with people first, people forward type teams, leaders in their teams, where that's a huge struggle right now is employee engagement and retainment. So how can I help by bringing workshops to teams once a month that really see value on working on the mental and emotional wellness aspect of human beings? Because I tell people, you can't show up as one version of

yourself over here and a different version over here. You might think that you can, but that blends whether you're consciously aware of it or not. So leaders that are willing to pour into their people, that's going to make them better as a whole person. So I'm leaning very much towards those workshops for teams right now, virtually and in person. There you go. And so how can people onboard with you or reach out to you to find if the two of you guys working together are a good fit? Yeah, I would love that. So I'm on LinkedIn every day.

It's been a great way for me to connect with leaders because at the end of the day, you know, I tell people, Chris, when I walk into a room, I don't care if I'm talking to people in healthcare, the HVAC industry, insurance, whomever it is, I'm talking to you all as human beings, period. Do not care about your title or role. Not that I don't care. It's not important here. How can you best show up the way you want to be showing up? So LinkedIn has been a great way. Just commit coaching is my website and I offer complimentary, a complimentary just connection call. Let's get to know one another and see if I, am I, am I the person to potentially help you get to the next level?

Here you go. LinkedIn is such a great place to be. It's such a great place. Yeah. Our newsletter over there just grows crazy. It's just like every day I go in, I'm like, Jesus,

where do all these people come from? I didn't know there's this many people on LinkedIn. and uh and so it's a great read over there we built 130 000 group over there as well um and uh it's it's it's kind of where all the money is it's the business side of life we always used to joke in the early days when twitter was still around yeah uh where twitter was the bar facebook was your home and linkedin was your office and that's how you've talked about those three social media things and uh yeah only now twitter's i think i don't know if it's a bar anymore i think it's just a mob it's some it's just a drunken mob um of an insane asylum i don't know. I can go down that wormhole

and probably add some more to it. But it'll eventually just be a visit to the bankruptcy of it, the way it's going. So this has been really insightful. We had a great discussion, Jennifer. This has been really deep. We went right down the deep rabbit hole,

the soul rabbit hole, and hopefully we changed some people's lives. So Jennifer, give us your.coms one more time so people can find hopefully change the people's lives. So Jennifer, give us your.coms one more time. So people can find you on the interwebs. Yeah. Just commit coaching.com. You can connect with me easily there and we can set up a call and,

and I would love to, to meet your, your audience out there. It'd be awesome. There you go. There you go. So thanks for tuning in. Go to goodreads.com,

Fortress, Chris Foss, youtube.com, Fortress, Chris Foss, YouTube.com, 4chesschrisfoss LinkedIn.com, 4chesschrisfoss Join that LinkedIn newsletter, we gave you the plug for that And chrisfoss1 on Tickety Talkety Give us the 5 star reviews over there On the iTunes, we certainly love it

And as always, you know, we gotta pay For the opera singer that we just hired this week On Fiverr, so she did a great job I'm really proud of her She's awesome, she's like a professional One, eh? She like hired this week on Fiverr. She did a great job. I'm really proud of her. She's awesome. She's like a professional one. She goes to the big operas and stuff, but I guess she does this for, I don't know, make some extra drink money

or utility money or something. It's pretty fun. I might ever sing other parts of the show. I don't know, the plugs or... I don't know. We might do a follow-up. We'll see what goes on there uh thanks for tuning in everyone be good to each other stay safe and we'll see

you guys next time and that should have us