The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – No Grail Without Dragons: A Man’s Unconventional Path to Love, Purpose, and Peace by Victor J. Giusfredi

Episode Date: March 15, 2024

No Grail Without Dragons: A Man's Unconventional Path to Love, Purpose, and Peace by Victor J. Giusfredi Victorgiusfredi.com https://amzn.to/49SL3aR In "No Grail Without Dragons," embark on an extraordinary journey through the tumultuous life of Victor J. Giusfredi as he unveils the soul-stirring tale of love, personal growth, and the pursuit of inner peace. This memoir transcends storytelling, offering an intimate look into a man's courageous quest for self-discovery, where the dragons are not mythical creatures, but the very fears, insecurities, and challenges that have haunted him throughout his existence. A Journey of Resilience Venture alongside Giusfredi as he crisscrosses the globe, narrating a remarkable story of resilience. With seven businesses launched, two innovative inventions, over 35 homes inhabited, two devastating divorces, and 40 jobs tackled, his narrative resonates with the chaos, pain, and triumphs of a life fully lived. Each experience serves as a piece in the intricate puzzle of finding success in romantic relationships and personal fulfillment. Raw Honesty, Vivid Prose Giusfredi bares his soul with unfiltered candor and vivid storytelling. His confessional tone and narrative flair transport readers to the core of his existence. Prepare for a rollercoaster of emotions, from his struggles with divorce, layoffs, immigration, abuse, domestic violence, to bankruptcy, and ultimately, his transcendence to a state of inner peace and self-understanding. Powerful metaphors and evocative storytelling paint a vivid picture of a man determined to confront his internal demons for the sake of his own -- and loved ones -- happiness. A Guide to Transformation What sets this memoir apart is Giusfredi's fearless vulnerability and his desire to illuminate the path for others. His introspective reflections, coupled with his analytical and pragmatic approach to personal growth, create a tapestry that interweaves thoughtfulness and empathy into a life-altering guide. A Testament to Human Strength "No Grail Without Dragons" stands as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, a guiding light for those in search of meaning, and a manual for discovering one's true self. The title encapsulates the book's core message: true love, purpose, and peace are attainable, but only after facing the fears and challenges that reside within. This memoir reminds us that no reward is granted without confronting our deepest fears, and genuine fulfillment can only be attained by conquering the dragons that lurk within us all. About the author Victor, a certified life coach and neurolinguistic programming coach, brings a wealth of experience to his coaching practice. With a background that spans launching seven businesses, deploying 3 inventions, living and working across the world, Victor's journey from humble beginnings to successful entrepreneur and coach fuels his passion for helping others tap into the power of mindset to overcome life's toughest challenges. Driven by personal experiences including two marriages, two divorces, and raising two children as a single parent, Victor found purpose in coaching to guide others through their darkest moments. Specializing in mindset strategies, relationships, and fear resilience, Victor's approach combines narrative storytelling with direct coaching techniques honed through real-life trials, continuous education and practice. As a published author of 'No Grail Without Dragons: A Man's Unconventional Path to Love, Purpose, and Peace,' Victor shares his personal trials and tribulations to inspire readers to transform their lives. Featured in podcasts, articles and other media, Victor's expertise and authenticity make him a trusted guide on the journey to personal growth and fulfillment. Through his blog, social media platforms, and upcoming book on successful relationships and mindset strategies,

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast. The hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show. The preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready. Get ready. Strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times, because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. It's Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com. There you go, ladies and gentlemen. The only thing that makes it official, welcome to the big show. As always, we bring you the most smartest people on the show, the CEOs, the billionaires.

We just had our fourth billionaire on last week, be sure to check out that show. I'll be talking about the future of the metaverse. The Pulitzer Prize winners, the authors, people who sit down with their lives and teach you the lessons they've learned. And as we always say on the show, stories are the owner's manual to life. And so people share with you their cathartic moments, their journeys, their, their tales of failure and successes, and they help you avoid some of those things. If you listen to the show, that's the whole reason you're here. People's avoid making the same mistakes everyone else makes, or some of you may just be shopping for new mistakes to make. Hey, I'm out of it. I'm always making the same mistakes but these ones are

getting boring let me let me pick up some new ones oh there's some new ones let's do that seek help people like it's in therapy anyway go to goodreads.com for chest christmas linkedin.com for chest christmas christmas one of the tiktokity and christmas facebook.com today we had an amazing gentleman on the show we're talking about his new book that came out October 2nd, 2023. It's called No Grail Without Dragons. I love that title and I love the dragon eating itself, which is the old snake, I think, on the cover of his book. But let me recut the title here too to make sure you get the full value. No Grail Without Dragons, A Man's Unconventional Path to Love, Purpose, and Peace.

And as we all know as men, peace is really important to us. Victor Giuffredi joins us on the show today. We're going to be talking to him about his book and everything that went inside of it and some of the journalism of his life. He's an entrepreneur, a coach, an author, and brings a wealth of experience to his followers and readers with a background that spans multiple businesses, inventions, and living and working across the world. His journey fuels his passion for helping others to overcome life's challenges. Armed with the wisdom garnered from overcoming a nomad lifestyle, two divorces, wow, childhood trauma, and raising two children as a single parent. His purpose is to guide others through their toughest challenges and help them unleash the power within.

Welcome to the show. How are you, Victor? Hi, Chris. Thank you for having me. I'm doing fantastic. How are you? Thanks for coming. It's wonderful to have you as well. Give us your dot coms on the interwebs there. Sure. My main website is VictorJustFreddy.com and no grails without dragon no grail without dragons.com there you go no grail without dragons i love the title of that what is the meaning behind that thank you it was inspired by mythology and the fact that many of the dragons and monsters throughout history or human history are mostly representations of the

things that we deal with in our minds and these abstract scenarios that we have to wrestle with to get to a certain situation or in this case migraine which was love wealth and health love wealth and health there you go those are it's always good to have all three of those you can at least have the health part you're doing pretty good but the other two are kind of nice add-ons. I'm old, so health is kind of becoming paramount. But money is also good because money can help buy you some health in today's doctor world in the U.S. And you can help you look better if you're older.

I already look great, so I've got that working for me. But you're right. Give us a 30,000 overview of what's inside your new book. I'm sorry, what was that? Give us a 30,000 overview of what's inside your new book. I'm sorry, what was that? Give us a 30,000 overview of what's inside your new book. So my new book contains the most valuable lessons that I learned through life. So I've always had this existential crisis between what I've done and what I wanted to really do. And to put out or find my purpose. I've done, I've launched multiple

businesses, updated a lot, been married twice and divorced twice. And it came to a point where I realized that more valuable than money were the lessons that I had earned throughout life, which were things that I paid in blood and pain. There are lessons that I had to learn after massive failure. And so my book is a compendium of 33 of the most valuable lessons I learned, intended to leave behind for my children, but then it evolved into editing it and aiming at men of my generation, which are usually struggling with the same issues. There you go. And what generation are you in? I'm not sure because by definition, I'm a millennial, but I'm a millennial by a year.

And the fact that I grew up in a different country, which was probably about 50 years behind in technology, I could have been two or three generations old by now. You might be 10x or something. I think there's a thing for being on the cusp you kind of ride the you kind of ride both benefits of or or or benefits in and liabilities of of both generations maybe so there you go that gen x would have been you were born a year of or were you any born a year of gen z you couldn't have been gen z right you're you're too yeah i mean born in 84 that qualifies me as a millennial so i just want to make sure i'm like it could be gen x but he doesn't like gen z i mean gen z i don't know anymore there you go i mean at least you're close to the greatest generation ever with gen x not really i mean we know where the rest of them are at. So, it's designed to help men, and you feel like a lot of men are kind of lost and struggling now. Why do you feel men are having a hard time, like in your generation, the things you address in your book? in the emotional and spiritual side of things, areas that I neglected most of my life because I had been raised to pursue perfectionism

and accomplishments and being the tough of the bunch. So I came to realize how inadequate my emotional and spiritual side of handling life was when I became a single dad and having to care for two kids full-time without a job really shed a lot of light in how I was inadequate as a human being and then exposed a lot of my shortcomings which were mostly dealing with an existential issue, wondering why I'm alive, searching for purpose and then trying to find that peace within myself between the things that

happened outside and how I felt I reacted. There you go. And so you were kind of presented with a couple of things. You had two divorces and then it sounds like we talked a little bit about this in the green room. It sounds like you were presented in a situation where you had to not only be a single father, but you also had to be the single mother or the mother as well to your two kids. Tell us how that happened. I went through my second divorce without prior notice. I did my best to try to salvage things, but unfortunately, neither one of us had the tools at the moment. And the kids just became a consequence of the divorce, unfortunately, for them. And so when I first separated, COVID quarantine kicked in and I had gotten laid off. And shortly after my ex had gotten another job. So she worked two shifts to sustain her expenses.

And then the kids ended up in my full custody 24 seven. So ever since the beginning of COVID up until today, I've been the 98% caregiver of my kids there you go so you you technically since she's working all the time you you have to play mother and father which is technically the way it wasn't supposed to be do you do you feel like do you feel like that kind of put you in a position where you had to deal with you know exploring your feminine and your emotional side do you think if if otherwise you would have been just fine without it? That's a complex question because on one hand, I was raised to be the toughest of the bunch. I've been into martial arts since little.

I had a tough childhood, tough upbringing. And moving around the world so many times, I've rooted since an early age, put me in a place where I didn't embrace vulnerability or being perceived as weak because in many situations I couldn't. I lived in cities in the world where if you are not perceived as a tough guy or a threat, then you're the victim. And stumbling upon this role, it was an eye-opener because I thought I was a manly man. But realizing that I suffer from anger issues, an emotional hurricane inside, I had guilt, I had regrets. And in many ways, I repeated the mistakes of my father. That opened my eyes into the mother role and how important a mother and a woman is in a life's men, because they're naturally equipped to deal with the emotional turmoil that

most of us wrestle with. And I wasn't. So I had to learn from scratch how to develop that emotional side of, I call it feminine, or most, I think people call it feminine simply because it's something that doesn't come naturally to us. But I think I just got softer. I learned to shed my armor and embrace the emotional aspect of life, right? Just opening myself emotionally more to experience more. And yeah, that's how I stumbled upon the role of mom and what I learned from it. There you go. And you know,

and it sounds like what you were developing was emotional intelligence. So, so you're, you're kind of aware of your thing. Now let's talk about you growing up and what influenced you. Cause people always want to know who the author is early on. Tell us how you grew up. There was a,

there's, there's something I think I read in the bio about trauma. Talk to us about how you're growing up, how you're raised, what influenced you, et cetera, et cetera. I was born in a small town in Mendoza, Argentina, which is the capital of Malbec wine. So if you're into Malbec wine, that's where most of Malbec comes from.

And I didn't have a father until two years old when my stepdad came into my life. So he raised me in a in a strict environment I wasn't allowed to answer no I wasn't allowed to answer anything other than yes dad regardless of how it felt and I was often punished for things that I consider were exaggerated and little by little I built a lot of resentment and and that came out in other areas I liked exploring outdoors later on I started a band the businesses that I launched the inventions and all those were outlets to to let out that repressed anger that I had inside but a big part of of the reason why I

ended up being an author is because I found the ingredients for the recipe to unwind that tangled emotional issue. And while my background had a big role in the way that I saw the world until I was forced to see it in a different light. It sounds like you grew up and were raised actually living, not really in your masculine, but in but in an emotional state which is feminine you were masking it with confidence and probably what your stepfather beat into you where he you know made you a little hardened if you will but really you were you're hiding all that underneath does that sound like a good assessment oh absolutely that's that's dead on and that helped me develop this opposition for authority. So I became tougher because eventually I realized that I could overcome physical pain by detaching from it when I experienced it.

And I started losing the fear of what could happen because of how bad I felt with myself, because that repressed anger never went away. It just got bigger and stronger and it developed into a lot of nasty emotions. So bless you. So I think it was just the natural outlet to either strive or die. And you're right. I was in a submissive situation for most of my life until I decided to become a rebel. Do you find that that impacted your marriages? Absolutely, because we as human beings can help but to learn from those around us. And I didn't have the best role models when it came to conflict resolution. And then the inherited beliefs, you know, the macho beliefs that were still in place

when I grew up were things that i carried with me and i had to slowly also unwind that myth to realize how off the path i really was have you studied ever studied meditations by marcus aurelius and stoicism oh yes meditations is it's a it's a go-to for me i've been reading it for many years it is so wonderful and stoicism you know a lot of a lot of people a lot of men think they're being masculine and they and they put up a lot of faux masculine sort of mass if you will but really when you're in an emotional state you're dealing with emotions and you haven't developed that emotional intelligence you're really living in

your feminine and a lot of guys don't realize that you know guys who go these kids who go shoot up schools those aren't that's not a masculine thing that is a feminine thing because they can't control their emotions and so as you know through stoicism which is really the cornerstone of what masculinity is is you can have emotions as a man it's how you react to them and how you don't let them control you and how you have emotional intelligence to where you can look at your emotions and go, okay, I'm feeling something. But what does that mean? How do I need to react to it? Is it logical if I react to it in a certain way?

You know, does it make sense? Is it, I mean, surely, you know, you can fly off the handle about any emotion one has. Subbing your toe or dropping something on the carpet or your dog dying. You could have whatever the type of emotion that might come upon you. But as a man, we have that logic and reason brain where we can sit and go, is this really valid? Do I really need to feel this right now? Is this really important? And of course, you're interacting with your kids and having to play both the feminine because they need that in their life. It sounds like one of the things you didn't with your kids and having to play both the feminine because they need that in their life.

It sounds like one of the things you didn't have as a child was you didn't have your father in the home. And your father likely would have treated you very differently and had maybe more of an emotional relationship with you, logic and reason with you, instead of just trying to contain you. And that's really what I find with a lot of crippled men nowadays, is that father wasn't in the home. And that makes all the difference I mean people need to realize that in today's world at least that's my opinion

any thoughts you have on it I can only agree with you because as a dad my son it's an extension of me and in many ways I understand my son because I understand myself, but being raised by a stepdad and not really, I didn't realize he was my stepdad until I turned 11. So, and right. And I only found out because a friend of mine that I had made in this little village, we moved to his mom worked for my family. My family was wealthy back in that time. And she was a nanny in my house. And she knew when my mother was pregnant and there was nobody there and then she met my father two years later when he came into my life and so there there's there was always a disconnect and a difference between the way he treated me and treated others

and then my brothers and and finding out that he wasn't my biological dad checked a lot of points. So I agree with you. The father missing in the life of a man, it's a big deal because we learn how to handle things from them. And if they don't understand you, well, in my case, the fact that he didn't understand my personality, that created a lot of conflict because what I perceived to be quiet, he perceived to be cocky. And so I agree with you.

It sounds like, you know, I mean, he was trying to contain you because you weren't his child. You know, you know what it's like as a father. I've heard this a lot. I don't know what it's like, but I've heard enough to believe it. But when a father and a mother sees their child for the first time, there's a dopamine chemical reaction that goes in the brain that parabons them and connects them. And when that happens, you just can't replace that role of a natural father or a natural mother. They cannot be replaced because the love that you have for your child is just irreplaceable, that connection, that parabon. And so, you know, a stepfather is not going to have that. I've, I've played pseudo stepdad before.

And will you try and be the best dad you can? You just don't have that connection to them. And it's, it's, it's hard to replace. I've had conversations with birth fathers that I've been in relationships with their exes and I've had to say, look, I'm not here to replace you. I'm not here to devalue in front of your children. If anything, I encourage them to spend time with you and value because I can't replace you. I'm not here to devalue you in front of your children. If anything, I encourage them to spend time with you and value because I can't replace you. You're their birth father. And it's really important that I don't interfere with that because I understand the

difference it makes. And, you know, the other thing you've addressed is childhood trauma and childhood trauma like that feeds into the relationships you choose and how you go through life. And you can kind of see how that goes through there. So you were very successful. Seven businesses launched, two innovative inventions, 35 homes you've had. You did have the two divorces, 40 jobs tackled. So you've done a lot of things and you work to achieve a lot of things. You mentioned there's like 33 tips in the book,

I think it was, of advice for men. Can you tease us out maybe a few top ones a little bit? Sure. One big takeaway from my journey, especially in the journey of relationships and love, is coming to the realization that we inherently have lots of responsibilities and many times we ignore just

because we don't know any better and we have the desire to to to fulfill them just like you clean your home or wash your car gives you a sense of fulfillment inside because you're fulfilling our responsibility but there are many that we ignore when it comes to our emotional being. And one of them is achieving freedom by acknowledging that one cannot be free if he's also not committed to something. And a big trial, a big test came when who I'm engaged to with now, we were going through a rough patch

and we had been together for now almost two years so my kids are getting used to her and and we're developing the relationship into the next level and we went through a rough patch and throughout this rough patch she took a trip and the next door neighbor came and flirted and did what most people or most men or at least I thought was impossible which is a gorgeous woman just coming and saying, hey, let's get it on. Nobody was ever going to find out. And it was a big test because in the past, I was not able to pass that test. for understanding the value of someone next to you and also your responsibility to protect their heart, I realized that by choosing not to do that,

by choosing my partner and my partner's well-being over whatever impulse or ideal scenario I could conjure in my mind, actually freed me from feeling that temptation anymore. And it just anchored me into one person and make it making it like the north star per se right my my main guide and all of the decisions that i made from that point on so one of them is it's how i defeated lust which is something that many men struggle with definitely we're kind of built to we're kind of built to

look around see the terrain yes we are there's a biological reason for that actually but yeah there's nothing wrong with it but but there's there's there's definitely a mental aspect in looking at somebody else's car and saying wow that's a cool car and another thing thinking about breaking through the window for a test drive right yeah it's okay in a window shop just don't buy if you're involved beauty beauty we're wired to appreciate beauty. That's for sure. Definitely. We are. So some other tips maybe from the 33 that stick out that you'd like to share? Sure. Another one is how, or at least the main concept of the book is how

small changes in mindset and perspectives of how we see and interpret things have an actual effect in physical life and our relationships and our health and our wealth. And I exposed many vulnerable trials because they were the cornerstone of what forced me to think, hey, why am I thinking this way? I think you mentioned that before. We feel certain things and we feel those things because we think a certain way. And we think that way because we interpret events in a way that we either were in which order we place thoughts in our head, how that impacts our emotional being and our emotions impact our actions and then our results. Therefore, the title No Grail Without Dragons, because I didn't find what I saw most in life until I was willing to face my fears, to face my inadequacies,

to admit that I was wrong and to take a look at the things that I was proud of, perhaps as a hindrance. Yeah, definitely. And that can make all the difference in the world. And understanding what's going on with yourself. So let's talk about what's on your website. You do coaching. What are some of the offerings you have there in working with men, et cetera, et cetera?

I do coaching sporadically just because I'm so busy writing and being a father. But when I coach, I coach high achieving men, usually those who have achieved most in life, businesses and Olympic athlete careers, military operators. And they're usually stuck in a plateau where they notice the difference between the competition, but they don't know what else to do to unlock the next level. And many times we give all of our physical self out. You can train for 12 hours and read and learn as much as you want. But sometimes that small turn in the way that you think or perceive things, it's all you need to break through that next stage.

There you go. It makes all the difference in the world. So how do people onboard with you when they want you to coach, when they want you to help them, et cetera, et cetera? Commonly, someone will reach out to me via email based on whatever contact they have come through. I also have an intake form on the website that you can fill and just give me a rough overview of what it is that you're dealing with and how it is that I can help. From there, we move into a complimentary call where I do a little discovery on what issues it is that you're facing. And then we determine whether we're a good match for each other or not based on what it is that you're experiencing and my skillset, making sure that whatever I have can serve you best. There you go.

There you go. So give us your final thoughts and pitch out as we go out on the show. Tell people how they can onboard with you, what the dot-coms are, etc., etc. If you're a man looking for the next key to unlock your potential, perhaps start a business, approach a relationship the right way, or defeat some of those emotional demons that we deal with, such as anger, regret, and inappropriate behavior, you can reach out to me on my website, victorjustreddy.com, send me an email, or fill out an intake form,

and then we can be in touch from there on. All right. Sounds good. good sounds like a great deal it's been very insightful to have you on the show thank you for coming on sir and thank you chris it's been a pleasure there you go thanks for tuning in go to goodreads.com fortune is chris voss order up the book where refined books are sold no grail without dragons a man's unconventional Path to Love, Purpose, and Peace, available October 2, 2023. Thanks for tuning in. Be good to each other. Stay safe, and we'll see you guys next time.