The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Overcoming Toxicity: Amy Pease’s Journey to Healing and Empowerment

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

Overcoming Toxicity: Amy Pease's Journey to Healing and Empowerment Passionfrompain.com About the Guest(s): Amy Pease is a multifaceted professional known for her resilience and determination to overcome a traumatic upbringing to become an inspirational figure. Raised in a manipulative and abusive adoptive family, she emerged as a beacon of hope, striving to empower others facing similar challenges. Amy is a coach, mentor, keynote speaker, podcast host, and content creator on her platform, Passion from Pain. She offers courses like "Finding Strength After Toxicity," providing guidance for individuals navigating life after toxic experiences. Her upcoming book is set to launch in February 2026, which will further delve into strategies for overcoming manipulation and mental abuse. Episode Summary: In this emotionally charged episode of The Chris Voss Show, Chris Voss sits down with Amy Pease, a survivor of a challenging upbringing, to discuss her extraordinary journey from the depths of toxicity to becoming a powerhouse of empowerment and change. Amy unveils the narrative of her past—a tale of overcoming adversity to inspire others through her multifaceted career as a coach, mentor, and speaker. During this engaging episode, Amy discusses her soon-to-be-released book, "Finding Strength After Toxicity," which offers a roadmap for those overcoming toxic environments. The episode captures Amy's transformation from enduring manipulation within her adoptive family to building a successful career. She shares how she eventually overcame her struggles with depression and anxiety, regained control of her life, and now aids others through her podcast and courses. Themes of self-accountability, resilience, and personal growth are explored. Chris Voss engages with Amy in a dialogue that goes beyond her story; together, they shed light on the intricacies of coping mechanisms and strategies for liberation from toxic ties. This engaging conversation is a beacon of hope and a manual of empowerment for listeners who may find themselves in similar situations. Key Takeaways: Amy shares her journey of escaping an emotionally abusive adoptive family and the steps she took to rebuild her life independently. The importance of recognizing non-physical forms of abuse, such as manipulation and financial control, and how to plan an escape from these situations. The power of community and support in overcoming adversity, as experienced by Amy when she started anew as a single mother. How self-accountability can be a driving force in personal healing and transformation after toxic experiences. A sneak peek into Amy's upcoming book, "Finding Strength After Toxicity," which serves as a guide for people breaking free from toxic environments. Notable Quotes: "You change your situation, and all of this goes away." - A pivotal moment of realization for Amy that inspired her transformation. "I had major depression, anxiety, a lot of shame, guilt that I was dealing with… it took me 20 years to get over it." - Amy highlighting the long-term effects of her circumstances. "If I stayed with these people, it was going to kill me, and my son would end up being raised by them." - Amy on her decision to leave her manipulative family. "There's somebody walking the path or has already walked it and they can help." - Amy emphasizing the importance of shared experiences and support. "The difference between self-accountability versus self-blame… it's the difference between making it or not." - On the critical nature of accountability in personal growth.

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Go to goodreads.com, for chestchristfuss, Facebook.com, force, schristfuss, LinkedIn.com, fordsts, Chrisvots, and YouTube.com for chestchisprisphus. All those crazy places on the internet. Opinions expressed by guests on the podcast are solely their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions. of the host or the Chris Voss show. Some guests of the show may be advertising on the podcast, but it is not an endorsement or review of any kind. Terry, amazing young lady, we're going to be talking about the launch of her new book that's going to be coming out in February 2026. Jesus, we're almost to 2026. Make it stop, but we do want to get her book in 2026.

So it is entitled, Finding Strength After Toxicity. And is that what people do after the show? And it will be available for purchase. then. She also does a number of different things, a myriad of different things. She has one hell of a story to tell, a story of how she defined and escaped her manipulative and mentally abusive adoptive family as a single mother of a son diagnosed with autism and rose up past it to retire from the grind at the age of 44 to pursue her passion to help others overcome themselves after manipulation, toxicity, and mental abuse, or what we call Fridays around the Chris

Fox Show. She's a coach, mentor, course, and content creator, keynote speaker, podcaster, YouTuber, wife, mother, and all-around badass. I think that's the first time someone said badass in their bio. Welcome to the show, Amy. How are you? I'm doing great. Thank you very much. Thank you. And thanks for coming. Give us dot coms. Where do you want people to find out more about you on the interwebs? Yeah, we are available on passion from pain.com. And then, of course, we have the podcast that is on YouTube, Spotify, IHeartRadio, and Apple Podcasts or iTunes, and that is Passion from Pain, the podcast. And everything can be found on, on those platforms right there. Passion from Pain Podcasts.

Very different from the BDSM, Passion with Pain podcast. So don't, don't Google that, people. I just made that up. Please, don't start an only fan or a cult. someone's right now starting a cold. It's a conspiracy cold. Anyway, so passion from pain. Tell us, let's cover the book first.

Tell us about what's coming in the book and then of course how people can get some advanced notice of how that's panning out. Yeah, so the book is actually everything that I packaged together that I went through in the aftermath of leaving my situation. I had major depression, anxiety, a lot of shame, guilt that I was dealing. dealing with after leaving the manipulative situation that I was in the toxic situation. And it took me 20 years to get over it. And after that, I decided to go ahead and put it all together so that it doesn't take somebody else 20 years to figure out how to get out

of that tangle or that web of lies and manipulation and gaslighting that you go through. And so that is in the book. It is a roadmap on how to get from broken to having purpose and passion and in finding the purpose and passion despite the pain or in the pain that you went through and learning how to live your life free from the toxicity, opening your eyes to the manipulation, to the toxic abuse, the mental abuse, emotional abuse, what that all look, and then what does life look like afterwards? So we go deep into what my story is, and then I integrate a lot of my story into the healing modalities and concepts. And I provide a lot of of resources so that you can essentially choose your own adventure.

I don't know if you remember those books from the 80s to choose your own adventure, right? You know, and that's what a healing journey really is going to look like for every individual. It's going to be different. It's not going to look the same for me as it is for you. But there are certain aspects that you do need to hit or should hit on this journey, and that's what this book provides for you. So tell us about your journey. How were you raised?

What were some of your influences? maybe some of the effects from being raised that, you know, got you down some roads with some very manipulative people. Yeah, so I was adopted at a really young age as an infant, but into a pretty manipulative adopted family. They had their own issues and whatnot, but essentially I was put to work at the age of 11 because I had adults in my life who wouldn't hold a job, didn't want to hold a job. We still had to eat.

And, you know, I found a job. at a restaurant washing dishes under the table, of course, and I would go and I would work after school every day and help put food on the table, help keep the lights on. And I did all through middle school. I did that all through high school. And I did it all in the name of, you know, family sticks together. This is love.

This is what you do for family. And a lot of, you know, we love you. We appreciate what you do. And, you know, I didn't understand that this wasn't a normal life. And I didn't understand that, you know, other kids really didn't do this. And I didn't understand why I was so depressed, why I was so different and why I couldn't connect with other kids. You know, I just thought that I was weird. I'm going to am, but, you know, that's neither weird or there.

But, you know. Those experiences would make you a little make you cope with, you know, I mean, I wouldn't call it weirdness. I would say it's a cope. It's, you know, you're, you're off. kilter because you don't you don't have a reference point as a child and usually as a child you don't have a reference point of anything but you know i mean if you're if you're raised in a family and then put it for adoption then you maybe have might have a reference point of what different families are like but you know if that's your first family you know you just assume

this is the way everybody lives their lives and and so and then you're going to come up with ways to cope because it's emotionally overwhelming for you you know a lot of people that experience trauma and issues in childhood, they're not grown up enough to, we're children. You know, we're not able to cope with what was before us. And so sometimes a lot of the stuff gets put to the side, the subconscious mind will be like, we're going to pack this away for later when you can deal with it. But, you know, a lot of times in the moment, you're trying to find a way to survive and cope.

And it seems like quite a thing. Probably makes you grow up a lot quicker, though, maybe, huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was 11 going on 40. No doubt. No doubt, you know, doing taxes and everything. Doing taxes and everything. Wow. Here's. But, yeah, you know, all of it, you know, I got this massive depressive disorder at the age of 13.

Oh, really? And terrible anxiety. And, you know, I was pulled by my family that, you know, that was just the luck of the draw. And I was crazy. And we're going to have you go see a doctor. Really? Wow. Even though their situation, formatted, you know, a scenario. know, that would make anybody have anxiety, probably even an adult, you know, like, you know, if you're an adult and your partner is, you know, not holding their job down, you're going to have some anxiety.

So that's pretty normal, yeah. Yeah, and so we did. They took me to see a doctor and, you know, I was put on antidepressants, heavy antidepressants at a really young age. 13. That's got a luck with you a bit. Oh, yeah. And, you know, I was given a medication.

It was called Paxil. And from what I understand now, they don't give it to adolescence anymore because of what it did to me is that it increases the likelihood of suicide ideology, ideation. And so that's exactly what it happened to me. It made the situation a million times worse for me. Oh, yeah. I was feeling. And I remember one night, this was when in high school, it was about 15 years old. I was working at the local McDonald's one night and decided I had had enough of everything in life and I was going to, I was done.

I started taking my medication one pill at a time about every five minutes, and I was just going to finish my bottle that night. What ended up happening was we got a school bus, so football players that showed up, and we got so busy, I got distracted and didn't, get to finish what I had set out to do. And so I don't know if that was divine intervention or what, if you're believing in that, maybe. But, yeah, I definitely took it that way that I was not meant to end everything yet. Well, that's good. That's good.

I mean, it's not good you were putting in that sort of scenario, but it's good you decided to come to that logical resolution. Yeah. And so how do you, how do you actually? it from the system. When does the abuse and stuff, manipulation and toxicity, when do you reach that point of breaking? Yeah, it was when I was 25. So I'm still taking care of everybody. Really? And now I'm taking care of an adopted brother at this time as well. He ended up losing his job. So he gets in on it and I'm taking care of my mother and I have a son at this time.

And so everybody has just kind of looked at me as the provider for some reason. Let's flesh that out. Let's flesh that. That's really important. So you end up, was it, were you a teenage pregnancy mom? Or how did you become a single mother? Yeah. So I had, well, you know, I ended up being terrible with relationships, you know, and choosing the wrong men because the example that I had was it was absolutely terrible.

And so I would, you know, go. out and I would get extremely drunk. I would party. Do all the drugs. I was heavy into rock and roll, love rock and roll still due to this day. But we would go to the shows and I would do the rock and roll thing, you know, party like a rock star. And then, you know, oh, I'm pregnant. You know, that's pretty much what ended up happening. But, you know, it was the wake of call that I needed because it got me to clean my act up. You know, I quit the alcohol, quit the drugs, quit the partying, and got really responsible, really started focusing on work and what am I going to do next? I've got this child to take care of. His father, you know, just really

wasn't interested in being a father and took off when he was two months old. So I've got a child now who was later diagnosed with autism at the age of four. And so, yeah, he was a big motivator and to cleaning my act up and cleaning my life up, but I still couldn't shake this responsibility that I felt that I had to my adopted family. I always had this idea that they saved me because they did, right? They adopted me. And I still have a lot of thanks and gratefulness for that, you know, because it could have been a very different situation for me, that woman who birthed me, she could have killed me, you know, so it could have been very different. So I do acknowledge what they did do for me. But here I am taking care of everybody. And I've

got my brother now who lost his job and decided that he was going to pursue his career and becoming a world famous drag queen. And that was that was what he wanted to do rather than get a job. And he was spending all of my money on dresses and high heels and makeup and jewelry and big. When you should be doing that for you. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. And so it all came to a head when I was 25. I had a major panic attack and I go into urgent care looking for some Xanax to calm down. And I had a chance encounter with the doctor I'd never seen before. He, you know, looked at my mental health history and seen everything that I had been on and tried in the past, everything that they were trying to have me take more recently, all the therapy

I'd been through group therapy, CBT therapy, individual therapy, and I did it all, right? trying to just uncrazy myself because I was convinced there was something wrong with me. But this doctor looked at everything and, you know, he sees that I'm in there for Xanax. It's like at least a once a month kind of ritual. I'm in there looking for Xanax. And he said, Amy, this isn't going to help you, you know. And these medications are not helping you. You've been trying this since you were 13 years old and not one thing has helped.

And I can tell you that you don't have this chemical imbalance. These drugs are meant to help in people. have a situational problem. You change the situation and all of this goes away. You're not bipolar. You're not schizophrenic. You don't have major depressive disorder. You don't have that stuff. You are being abused. You're being manipulated. You're living with narcissists and it's financial abuse, you know, and it took me back because, you know, I never considered abuse before. I had always thought of use was bruises and scars and, you know, this is domestic violence kind of stuff. But there was none of that.

Yeah. And, you know, it was funny. We had an interesting person on yesterday who also went through a bad foster system thing. And some of her experiences in the foster system were just horrific. And so, yeah, it's unfortunately, it's unfortunately there's not more checking in on children. and I suppose they do the best they can, given the, you know, where they're at. But, and so you have to exit this situation at some point, right? Yeah, absolutely.

How do you pull that off? Yeah. And so I, you know, that news hit me like a freight train. And, and, you know, I go home and I look at everything that's going on. And I'm like, holy crap, he's right. This is exactly what it's been happening. And I reevaluate my entire childhood and my life. And, you know, sure enough, I can see the manipulative.

and I can see the abuse and I can see the narcissism. And so I had a choice. I continue with what I'm doing with the only family I've ever known. Or I take my son and I go the root of a single mother with zero support. You know, neither is an easy choice. Neither is an easy choice. But ultimately, I decided that if I stayed with these people, it was going to kill me. And my son would end up being raised by them and have the exact same child.

or childhood or existence that I had, and I couldn't let him experience that. And so I chose the single mother route, and I packed up and I left. It took me several months to get to where I could do that because they had complete control of my money. They had complete control over every aspect of my life. And so getting out was not easy. I had the plan, and I had to get resources together. So did you plan your escape then?

Yeah, I did. So you probably had to, they had control of your money and everything. I mean, this is some scary stuff. And this is part of the narcissistic, maybe control, psychological control that people like this will take and do. And so you exit the situation, you try and get set up, you're doing this on your own, I guess. Yeah, absolutely. You know, all I had was a car.

And I ended up finding an apartment to sympathize with my situation. But they gave me 30 days to come up with, you know, first and, like, month in security deposit. And we were, it was in a different town, which is something I was looking for. I had to get to a different town. Yeah. So I had to leave my job. So now I have no job, but I have this apartment and I have a son, but I have a car. And so, you know, but I had nothing to put in the apartment. No furniture, nothing. So just an empty apartment. But I found a job two days later and it was,

oddly enough, washing dishes. And I took it because it was something. And I knew that it would get money flowing into our household and worked really hard and became a waitress within a week and started making tips. And in that 30 days, I made enough money to pay the apartment, everything that they wanted the first and last and all of that. Working at the restaurant, I got free meals and they sympathized with my situation and fed my son. So we ate at the restaurant every single day. So I had some helping hands. And it was in a senior community. And there was a lot of the customers who were really sympathetic to our situation and would, you know, kind of adopted my son as their grandson and would bring him cookies and toys and whatnot

and clothes from their grandkids that they outgrew. And so it was, it was an amazing experience. I'd never experienced community on that kind of level before. Some just people who never really cared about you. You truly cared about you. Yeah. Yeah. And they wanted to see me succeed.

Yeah. That is awesome. That is awesome. And definitely a blueprint for maybe someone in this situation currently that might be listening to this or, you know, maybe in the future you get in a situation, you need to come out. And you're willing to do anything to get out of it, you know, work any job, whatever it took to do that. And, you know, sometimes that's just what it takes, right? And so now you're in a much better place. Kind of give us a little bit of an NTs out if you would. I think you're married now. And you're in a much stabbler place now. Absolutely, you know. And so I worked my way from being a dishwasher and took every opportunity I could and became a district manager for corporate restaurants and district training manager. And so I took every promotion and every opportunity I could. And I got paid for my business education instead of paying for a degree, essentially. And, you know, and so from there, I ended up leaving the restaurants and helping my husband with his family body shop. I ended up buying a second body shop. And I had a little chain going on. for a while and he was having some health issues and so I convinced him to go ahead and sell and just take some time off and that's where we ended up being able to retire you know for for a little bit you know so I can do what I've always wanted to do and that was put this story together and help people overcome themselves in after these

situations or leave these situations getting the strength and the knowledge to do it and that's why I love stories like yours and have them on the show is because, you know, people go through all sorts of different problems, challenges, cathartic moments in their lifetime, and they, you know,

are looking for blueprints. There were other people who have survived and come out of the cathartic moments that they presented and come out the other side and give them hope. You know, hope is the big thing that we share with each other. And stories give hope.

They give lessons of life, et cetera, et cetera. Let's talk about some of the things you're doing to give hope. Why don't we lead off with a podcast and the YouTube? Tell us about what you do over there. Yeah.

And so that just kind of happened very, it was a very happenstance kind of thing. I never set out to be a podcaster or put a YouTube channel out there. I was just going to write my story and put a book out, right? And put a course out and help people and coach. But in putting the book together and in putting the course together, I was having amazing conversations with other survivors of different situations, you know, some horrific situations and some, you know, divorce or grief. stricken situations, conversations with therapists, psychologists, you know, just all different

walks of life. And I realized that these conversations I was having was going to help far more people than the one book that I was writing. Yes, the book was going to help and have an impact and make an impact. But I could do so much more by telling these stories and bringing these people onto a show. And so we started recording a lot of the conversations and putting them out there. And then we ended up getting hit with a little bit of a health stare here at home. My husband ended up getting diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. And so I took about a two-month break off to go through chemo and radiation with him. And then we just got back to recording and just released all the new episodes this week on the Passion from Pain podcast. And the

amount of guests, I wasn't prepared for the amount of guests that wanted to come on and tell their story and just help people through their stories and through their experiences. And so we have some amazing guests and amazing conversations that are getting ready to get released here in the coming weeks. Awesome, sauce. So we'll look forward to that. We'll look forward to that. And then tell us about some of the services you offer.

You do keynote speaking. Tell us about some of the courses. and mentoring, coaching you do? Yeah, and so the biggest course that I have right now is called Finding Strength After Toxicity, and it is a 10-week course on just that, how to find your strength after just getting knocked down from a toxic situation, how to find yourself again, how to get the negative thought processes to stop the cycling in your brain to stop. We go deep into the neuroscience and what it takes to really.

wire the brains so that you can get all of that to stop. We go deep into what anxiety is and how to, you know, overcome that yourself, you know, in a lot of the same tactics that I use myself when I had to overcome myself after leaving my situation. Because when I left, I was left with, you know, still the depression and anxiety that I had to deal with. But this time I had to do it without the medication. And I had to do it without the doctors because I'd lost my health insurance. And so I had to do all the research on my own, and I dove deep into dark psychology, manipulation, mind control, psychology, healing modalities, spirituality. And I went deep into it and ultimately found my way out of the darkness and the madness that was in my

head. And that's what I teach and bring two people is exactly what I learned and the path or a roadmap to find their own way through, because it's very different for every individual. Yeah, very different for every individual in what they go through. But you help them through that. How, what, if someone's listening out there, how do they know that they're a client of yours, et cetera, et cetera? You know, they know if, you know, you're going through the darkness and you can't find or see a way out. And I can provide you with the roadmap to coming out. I can provide you with the resources that you need.

And I can be there to answer your questions and help you through the process and get you connected with everything that you need. And so how do they onboard with you? How do they reach out? How do they see if they qualify to work with you, et cetera, et cetera? Yeah, go to passion from pain.com and there you can find all the resources about the courses. You can also reach out to me on a Facebook. You can reach out to me on, I have TikTok going as well. I do some lives on TikTok where we dive deep into some of the psychology, behind toxicity and

overcoming ourselves. And so you can participate in any of those lives. I go live on Facebook as well and live on YouTube. And so you can participate in any of those lives and ask your questions. Even if you're not ready to, you know, get into a full coaching program, you can at least participate that way. And, you know, find if it fits for you and what works. It looks like you have a free copy, too, of a e-book?

absolutely it's 10 signs of a manipulative or mentally abusive relationship and so it's it's the 10 most common signs that you're going to find in a relationship if you're being abused or mentally abused or manipulated and so it goes deep into what those look and it gives you some tactics on how to combat that as well ah combat some of the things you because you know manipulation comes in all forms I mean A lot of people are like, well, there's narcissism, which there is, but a lot of manipulation might be subtly narcissistic. I don't know if it's be full-blown narcissistic, but, you know, people want you, people don't like people to change. They like people to stay the same, and they kind of have a comfort zone for you and what they're comfortable for you doing for them, and they really don't want to change because they like what you're doing for them.

And, you know, I mean, certainly if you want to go to work and pay all my bills, too, you're certainly welcome to. right i'm sure everybody would sign up for that yeah everyone signed up for that yeah i learned my lesson i don't know i was the first thing i told my husband when we started dating i was like you ever quit your job and ask me to pay a bill i'll just let you know right now it's it oh that's kind of how you use i think most divorces work that way anyway so so as we go out take in uh give people final pitch out to order up your book how can they find out more as it goes etc etc yeah so the book will be coming out in February of 2026, and it's an amazing book that just takes you through what a

healing journey looks like, and you can pull all the pieces that you need and create your own adventure, your own healing journey. Tons of interactive questions in the book, and you can pre-order the book on the website, and you can also do that through the link that I have on my TikTok as well. And then definitely check out the podcast, Passion from Pain podcast, going deep into toxicity and healing and the science and neuroscience of all of that. And then all of the guests that we have coming on, some amazing experts who are just giving incredible advice on how to overcome ourselves and how to essentially fix ourselves after these kind of situations. There you go. Fix yourself.

Yeah, fix yourself. We're responsible for that. Yeah. And, you know, I mean, talk to us a little bit, a second about that, the self-accountability of being responsible. Because there's a lot of people that they don't take self-accountability. They keep blaming other further problems. They keep repeating the same bad scenarios that they get themselves into. Tell us a little bit about why it's important to take the advantage of that for yourself.

No, it's the difference between making it or not, you know, if you're able to look at yourself, and hold yourself accountable to the things that you are able to control, you know, and do those things, you know, you're going to be able to go a hell of a lot farther in life, period, but also on your journey back to yourself and to discovering yourself, you know, and you hear a lot about accountability and talking to victims of different types of trauma, and a lot of people want to chime in with, well, that's victim blaming, and it's very different, the self-accountability versus self-blame. And it's very different talks.

But when you can hold yourself accountable and you can, you know, really make some change in your life, that's going to be extremely positive. And we go deep into what the difference is between holding yourself accountable and blaming yourself and creating more shame. So. Yeah. And the shame kind of holds you back, right? You're like, well, I owe these people. They adopted me. Well, I, you know, this is what I. family does. And, you know, it was really hard for you because you didn't have a reference point for it prior. So you're just like, well, I guess everyone does this. But I'm glad you're sharing

with people. You know, there's a lot of sad stories that come from people's childhood. But that story doesn't have to always be their story. They can overcome that. They can beat it. And then their story becomes their triumph. Their rise from the ashes. Their phoenix from the ashes. Their carnic moments they overcome. So I'm glad you went through that. And I'm glad now you're sharing that message with others because people that might be in that similar situation when they listen to the podcast or they eventually read your book, you know, they'll find your blueprint and how you got out and, you know, realize they're not alone. There's somebody out there who can help them get out of the situation they're in. Absolutely. There's somebody walking the path or has already

walked it and they can help. Well, thank you very much, Amy. I certainly appreciate it. And thanks for having such an amazing story of redemption and survivorship. And, you know, I mean, This is the universe. It's a big game of survival when it comes down to it. But taking self-accountability for yourself and, you know, being able to do whatever it takes to, you know, provide for yourself and your family. It's really important.

Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. And watch for her book, folks. You can see when it comes out and all that good stuff. So you can catch that. It'll be out February 26. And I close the tab.

Give me that title of that book one more time, Amy. Yeah. Finding Strengths, Well, thanks for tuning and go to Goodrease.com, Fortress, Chris Foss, LinkedIn.com, Fortess, Chris Foss, 1 on the TikTokity, and all those crazy places on the internet. Be good to each other. Stay safe. We'll see you guys next time. And that you have us out. Great show, Amy.