The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Put Dating back in the box! by Preston Wheeler III, Alonzo Mclittle

Episode Date: December 5, 2025

Put Dating back in the box! by Preston Wheeler III, Alonzo Mclittle https://www.amazon.com/Put-Dating-back-Preston-Wheeler/dp/B0DWZQZFJ3 Our book is designed to help our readers who are looking for love in today’s world of 2025,and beyond find it successfully. Dating ,and a lot of relationships in today’s world is horrible.From personal experience ,and observation we believe that there are specific reason’s for why these things are taken place. Those reason’s range from lack of teaching about how real relationship ‘s should go, lack of character development,lack of social skills, no recovery from past issues,selfishness,lack of understanding about the people in the world ( manipulators , deceivers) and how to avoid them ,and so on.No matter of where you are at in life single ,married ,breakup,looking to start a new relationship etc ; we believe that our content can put you on a path of having ,and being in a fantastic relationship . In short , we believe that having good character ,and knowledge along with other factors going into a new relationship are foundational keys to ensure it’s success.In conclusion we hope that our content has a positive impact on your life now leading you to being in a satisfying,and successful relationship then. About the author Hello to all who read my bio. I am a graduate from the University of Arizona Global Campus with a Masters in Organizational Management (2022) , Masters in Business Administration (2018), and a Bachelors in Entreprenuership (2016). I am a Caregiver who strives to live life to the fullest. I am a social person who loves to get out whether its going to the movies, watching football, farmers markets,and other events with my friends I enjoy it all. I love ,and enjoy connecting with people. In closing I want to help people find love ,and be in a satisfying relationship for all of their life.

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they help authors reach their audience and maximize their book's success. We have an amazing young man on the show. We're going to be talking about his book called Put Dating Back in the Box, out March 28, 2025 by Preston Wheeler III. We're going to get into it with him and some of his insights and find out some of his journey through life, how he did it, how he does it, and how you can do it too, for that matter. I like how that just rounded right up.

He is a graduate from the University of Arizona. Global Campus, obtaining a double master's. He's a caregiver who also enjoys living life, and he enjoys spending time with people. He watches football, movies, dines out, and attends various social events with his friends and family. Welcome the show, sir. How are you, Preston? Thank you, Chris. I'm pretty good.

Thank you for having me, Chris. And I also want to give a shout out to my co-Arthur Alonzo McLittle, who wrote the book with me. He did a very good job. And, no, Chris, I just thank you for having me on the show. Thank you for coming. We really appreciate it. Give us any dot-coms, any websites, social, whatever you want people to find you on the interweb, sir. Yeah, sure. You know, Chris, people can find us on Amazon. We are on the shelves of 50 companies around the world. Amazon, of course, Walmart, Books a Million, Barnes & Nobles, Apple,

and we're partnered with international retailers as well in Australia and Germany as well. So give us a 30,000 overview. what's inside your new book? You know, Chris, we're talking about helping people find healthy relationships in today's society. And what we've experienced and what we see is a lot of people jump into relationships, but they're not prepared. You know, they don't have the character. They don't know what a healthy connection is. And also, with that being said, with the world we live in, there's a lot of people who are just not relationship compatible. We have a lot of people in our world who are, you know, manipulators, they're deceivers. And oftentimes, people get involved

with these people. So putting dating back in the box is designed to help people get themselves together, heal from their past issues, as well as we want people to gain knowledge about being in a healthy relationship. And we want people to have this going in so that therefore they're ready and they can navigate a healthy relationship, but also avoid getting into a bad one. Nah. It's not good to get into bad relationships. I may have made a few poor choices, ignore some red flags in my youth. And so I've seen that movie. And of course, it takes two to tango. So I'm not blaming anybody. I'm just as responsible for the choices I make. And what I do.

I'll say, Chris, we all are, Chris. So it's not just you. We all are. You know, but the key is, Chris, that we learn from them. Oh, yeah. See, that's the one thing that frustrates me in dating because I'm single is people, many times, most people, unless they really heal or deal with their traumas or deal with their issues and why they're poorly choosing, they keep making this, they choose the same people over and over again. They get a lot of trauma bonding. So since their trauma is resolved and your trauma isn't resolved, it's like getting together. And, you know, you've got like a box of broken glass from your trauma. And they got a broken razor plates from their trauma. And you're like, let's play.

And it doesn't work out well. And, yeah, so let's get into the deets. What motivated you want to write this book? You know, Chris, I was motivated because in my process of looking for love, I went into a lot. There's a lot of things that, you know, I didn't know, but I had to learn the hard way. And my motivation was I don't want people to go through what I went through. You know, so I said, so let me write a book that will help me. people to navigate, to not get involved with the wrong people and get into a bad relationship,

but to help them put them on the course to get into a healthy relationship earlier. And what I've come to learn, Chris, and I share with Alonzo, we see and we experience Chris that so many of us don't know what to do. We jump into a relationship really quick, but we're not really ready for a relationship. And we don't know what to look for it. And in today's society, there's a lot of people with. you know, they lack character development, social skills, and so forth. And when you're lacking certain things, you're not going to be able to have a genuine connection.

So what we did is, so put dating back in the box, we provide what we feel is helpful content to help put you in a path to be in a healthy relationship, but at the same time to navigate not being in a bad one. For example, we want you to get your character together, hear from your past issues, and have knowledge going in that way if you go in ready you're more successful you're more on track to have a successful relationship as opposed to going in not knowing what you're doing not knowing what to look for you don't know you know a person you don't recognize what a good person is if you go in we feel like naive it's not going to be a good thing so we put that in back in the

box what we're saying in the book Chris we want you to go in ready you know and if we feel if you go and ready, you know, you have a chance, you, you, your chance rate for a successful relationship is very high. Yeah. Because you know what to expect. You know what to look for. And at the same time, you can navigate the course to make sure the relationship stays healthy. Hmm. Yeah, navigating the course and staying healthy. Yeah. You know, a lot of people don't do that preparedness. You know, a lot of us do have trauma from childhood. Some have little tea or big T as they sometimes refer to it as. And so, you know, our choices that we make in our relationships, a lot of them have to do with the blueprints we get from our parents in the relationships that they program us with based upon mirroring their relationships or their lack of their love of healthy quality relationships. And so a lot of times we need to do some prep work before, you know, boy, I often thought it's funny.

I've always joked about how the four people should be able to get married and have kids. They should have to go to a two-year college course to learn how to be good parents, resolve your childhood issues, resolve your parental issues, you know, and also figure out how to be a decent human being to another person, you know, a lot of us might need work on that, and how to have a successful relationship. It's funny, we'll go to four to six to eight years plus of college to learn how to do our job really well when it comes to bringing human beings in the world that how are this empty slate or whatever we're just like yeah i'm just going to fucking wing it and if they end

screwed up oh you want to share my fucking trauma and it's always interesting people just keep and then and then they just keep doing it like i'll see people that keep making the bad choices and and there's a popular thing that they'll do to escape self-accountability in this world they'll be like, yeah, I just have a bad picker. Yeah, you have a bad picker, so you should stop and fix it. It's like driving down, you know, here's a good analogy. It's like driving down the road with a flat tire. And people are like, hey, man, you're pretty fucked up.

That flat tire is getting worse and it's making the whole wheel fall off and shit. You should probably just pull over and fix the tire. People like, no, fuck it. I'm just going to go into another road and see if it works better. So what are some of the outlines you do in the book on how people can can work on this stuff and get their shit together? You know, Chris, what we provide is what we advise in the book that you can go counseling, get some counseling, see a therapist, read information about the opposite sex, read information about dating and relationships. No, we offer, you know, we offer, we provide resources that are, we let people know, there's resources that are available. to them to where they can develop their character as well as develop their knowledge about

being in what a healthy relationship is and pursue it you know so often we don't see in a minister a therapist so those are some of the resources that we provide in our book to help people develop and get them ready for a healthy relationship you know you mentioned earlier that you know people make the same mistakes and this is what allows when i is saying we want people to put the brakes on that Chris, we want people to kind of step back, not jump in, go ahead and get to, because what we see in today's society, Chris, we see it in our society. People jump in and expecting a good relationship to evolve. And the reality of it is that just doesn't happen. It just doesn't happen. You have to put, we feel that you have to put the necessary work in for yourself,

with yourself, to make sure the relationship is going to be healthy and right from the jump. What we put dating back in the box the same is that we want you to educate yourself, get your character together, get help with your past issues. And once you get these things together, we feel if you go into a relationship with those factors from the jump, nine times of the 10, your relationship will be successful because you're ready, you know what to expect, you know how things you go. But at the same time, Chris, we believe that you'll be able to avoid the manipulators out here that would do nothing but use you as well. Because we want you to get knowledge on those type of people and how to avoid them as well.

And what we see in society is, and we've been through it, you know, there's a lot of people out here who are just not, they don't want to change. They want to live and they want to live in their insecurities. They want to live in their, you know, low self-esteem and things of that nature. But the problem is, too, they want to use people. So put dating back in the box. We got a structure to help you put you on the course for a health. your relationship, but we also got a structure to help you get educated about what to avoid. Because in our society, Chris, there's a lot of people in bad relationships because they

weren't prepared. Yeah. They didn't get their character together. They didn't heal from their past issues. And I feel, Chris, if you don't know how to treat somebody as an individual, you're not going to know how to treat nobody good in a relationship. You know, so we feel, so those are some of the outlines. in our book, that we stress about getting yourself together, making sure you're right,

your character is developed, that you're good, you're honest, you're reputable. Because if you have good character, you'll be able to recognize that with your partner. That would give you so much peace in the relationship because you know they're trustworthy, you're trustworthy, you ain't got to worry about looking over your shoulder, if somebody, if they're stabbing you in the back, because you know what type of person they are. And we believe that character is a major factor in having a good relationship. If you have good character, you're going to have a good relationship. What?

Yeah, go ahead, Chris. I was just making a joke there. I was like, what? I have to have a good character, too. I can't be an awful human being. What the hell kind of program is this? No, I mean, it's true. I mean, there's a lot of people that they, there's a lot of people, they, they, they excel.

being awful human beings. They don't develop themselves. They don't grow. They don't do kind of what you said, where they don't do the work. And a lot of people, you know, if you have childhood, big tea trauma, sexual things that have happened to you, maybe as a child, abuse, crisis, you know, I think people kind of know, you know, if your parents just told you know you couldn't have ice cream, you don't have trauma. If they beat you, you probably do. So, you know, it's really important to identify these things. And, you know, I've dated all my life. I've dated 35, 40 years now, I think it is. Starting when I was like 16, I think I started dating, you know, in my day and age, you started dating high school. I guess nowadays they don't start dating until you're 30 or something,

the young kids. The Gen Xers, as they say, or Gen Zers, Gen Xers are already, they're already screwed. They're already married. But, yeah, so how did you, how did you come to your knowledge? of dating and what's your experience there you know Chris in my previous relationships and the women I've been with you know I think from being with them and and seeing what the outcome of the situation on the stuff that's how I gained wisdom it helped me give me wisdom about the insight about the world and how relationships really should go because you know Chris where at one point you know I didn't know what I was doing Chris you know I did I didn't I had no idea and I got out there like a lot of folks and jumped in and got and got deceived. I've got used. I got

this. And I said, so wait a minute. But then those times I felt empty or I felt like, wait a minute, I didn't know if something's missing. And through these three, through these hard experiences, Chris, it gave me wisdom. I actually did research and I said, wait a minute, how should relationships really should go. And I've learned, Chris, throughout the years, even up to now, how relationships really should go. Based on my personal experiences, I was able to get wisdom from them. And I said, okay. And now I said, okay, so this is how I should be treated. This is how I should treat the person at the same time. Let me make sure I'm healed from my past and things of that nature. Because I recognize Chris that if a person's right, you know, that relationship has more of a chance to be right.

So I've learned from my experience and say, wait a minute, let me get myself together. Let me make sure this is right, that type of thing. And I just, I just gained wisdom. And I think you made a good point earlier when you were talking about past traumas and stuff like that. That's important that we heal and get past that. We, you know, like Alonzo and I talk about our book. We recommend you go see a counselor, a therapist, a minister.

Because those things, a lot of times, Chris, a lot of us, a lot of people bring baggage into relationships. Oh, yeah. And that's why, and that's why the relationship goes south because you have to haven't developed your character, you haven't developed any social skills, you haven't developed any empathy, you're still carrying your past issues. And what happens is that interferes with the, so what we, so to answer to a quick, Chris, to answer your question, like I said, I just learned from past experiences and I got wisdom from being with the different women, the relationships, the encounters. It taught me, okay, this is how a relationship really should go. This is how I should be treated. This is I should treat the young, the, the, the, the, the young lady, this is how I should go because, like I said, I got, going through the herd, Knox Criss, I felt empty at times. And so I knew something was missed. And a lot of us grew up in situations where we're taught wrong about the opposite sex. We're taught wrong about

relationships. And we live in that wrong. We do. We grow up and we live in that wrong. But if you're open to growth, if you're open to wanting to know, wanting to be in a good relationship, if you're tired of being empty, you're going to, you're going to seek not and you'll get that knowledge. So what we're saying and put dating back in the box is we want you to get educated. We want you to get your character developed. We want you to heal from your past issues because we feel that if you have these things going in to a new relationship, Chris, we feel and you see that with your potential partner, you feel that you'll be in a healthy relationship. You know, we don't, we don't, because what we see today is a lot of people jump in.

And they don't, they're not ready. They still got their issues from their past or they didn't learn from their past relationships. And like you mentioned earlier, how people just keep picking the same person because they didn't learn, Chris. They didn't take the time to say, you know what, let me regroup, let me heal from my past. Let me figure out what I'm doing wrong and fix it. So what we're saying, and put dating back in the box, we want you to put the brakes on that and fix it. So for my past experiences, Chris, that's what gave me with. because I was willing to learn because I want to be in a healthy relationship.

I don't want to keep it. I don't want to be on something that's one-sided. I don't want to be in something that's where I'm being deceived. And I just think I was driven. I was motivated, motivated me. And I just, and, you know, I'm still learning, Chris. I'm not an expert, but it gave me wisdom. And that experience, you know, a lot of people don't learn from the experience.

You did, and that's really smart. You know, people always ask me, like, what would you tell you? self, you go back to your 16-year-old self. I'd be like, go to therapy, man. You know, it's sad that we have to fail so many times sometimes the same thing before we really learn it. And, you know, I counsel a lot of guys, too, on dating my friends and stuff. You know, if they're dating somebody, I'm like, yeah, she's got crazy eyes. You need to watch out. She's giving you all the red flags, the signals. Oh, oh, she, she's on a lot of prescriptions, drugs for depression. Yeah, run, you know, and they'll be like, oh, Chris, you don't know, you don't know. I love her. She's so

special. You don't even know. And then I'll be like, yeah, you marry that up. That's going to cost you million dollars. And sure know, it does. And then they come back to me and they go, oh, you're right, Chris, you're so right. And then five minutes later, they're like, oh, I'm in love again. I've found another girl. And it's, dude, you're killing me with your shit. And then they marry and divorce again. and you're like, how many times does Chris have to try and save you from divorce before you finally listen to him? You know, and, you know, God bless guys. We're like dogs, so we think we can fix women or save them from their problems if they're, if they're doing whatever they're doing, we're like,

we can save her, we can make her a better woman if we just wife her up. And I'm sure she'll quit sleeping with 500 guys. And there's a lot of going around if you've heard of Tick. talk and the and what do they call hot girl summer yeah where the gen zers the girls try and sleep with 100 guys in one summer that's like a competition they're doing that is and and then they break their pair bonding and i see a lot of girls now that did the hot girl summer thing going i can't fall in love i can't feel anything when i go on dates anymore yeah that's because you broke your pair bonding so now you're just a person of the street the only difference is you don't charge

which is kind of it's kind of an issue but it's you know there's data behind it the more partners a woman has the more likely it is she's going to suffer massive depression emotional damage and higher divorce rates they actually have it calculated it's the data

you can Google it so this isn't like opinion or anything you know and men want to preserve their paternity because you know a woman can fake the kid's yours but not for a woman A woman knows if the kid is hers that came out of them, right? So, you know, there's a lot of these issues that are floating around and red flags and

people not paying attention to them just thinking, oh, if I just love enough, I can overcome everything. No, you can't. Exactly. So, Chris, I'm sorry. Chris, to add to what you're saying, this is why I put dating back in the box was invented. Because we want you, we want people to be educated about how a real relationship goals because what we believe, Chris, is that everything matters for a healthy connection,

the emotional, the psychological, the physical, the social, for you to have to be fully healthy and happy and have a solid relationship, all elements matter. You know, one element doesn't matter over the other. And even with the physical intimacy, if there's no connection outside of that, there's nothing. You know, you know, So for a total healthy connection, Chris, you know, you have to have all, we believe all the elements matter. And having a partner that has good, reputable character, knows how to be in a healthy relationship, as well as yourself, all the elements will be met to whereas you have a total healthy connection. You know, and that's why we emphasize we really want people to get educated, Chris, because the more you learn, you know, the more you'll know not to go down the wrong way. road if that makes, you know, you know, you won't, you won't be testing out these theories.

You won't be doing these things, you know, because you know, you educate yourself to know what a healthy connection is. And once you do that, we hope that you put yourself on a path to pursue that because that's going to bring total happiness. You know, I mean, you know, can I've learned? I've been down that road. I mean, you know, physical intimacy by itself just doesn't, it doesn't work. You've got to have an emotional connection outside the bed, home for a healthy connection and you got to know how to argue you got to know how to negotiate you know I mean there's there's different there's different things where people argue differently some people get up and leave some people stay in the battle and you've got to know how to do it

healthy wise where you're like okay if we have a disagreement we need to not bring a lot of emotion to it we need to you know talk about it logically calmly and you know raging at each other in communication and anger and bitterness doesn't help an argument. Of course, some people, they just argue because they're just there to cause problems and drama because they haven't resolved to use the issues in childhood. And they usually have low emotional intelligence. Do you get into emotional intelligence in the book? I find that's a real key to successful relationships.

Yes, Chris. It's talked about in chapter one. And we feel that if you develop emotional intelligence, as well as learning how to really relate to people and so forth, you're putting yourself on a path to being in a healthy relationship. Definitely understanding human psychology, understanding how to relate to people, how to talk to people properly, and so forth, you're putting yourself on, like I said, on a path to a great relationship. And what we find is that there's in our society, Chris, a lot of people don't have emotional intelligence. So that's why a lot of relationships lack,

too, because people don't know how to really relate to each other. You don't know, you don't understand human psychology. So with that being said, you know, you're not going to be in a successful relationship if you don't know how to relate to somebody. You know, it's just not going to, it's not going to work. Yeah. And you don't know how to communicate sometimes. You know, there's, there's people in the world that believe that you should just understand the other person through osmosis or telepathy. I think I can hear why you're angry with me right now, you know. And some people don't directly communicate, they indirectly communicate, but they think they're communicating, but they're not, because maybe they lack the empathy of emotional intelligence and yada, yada,

yeah, it's a big deal. And, you know, like I said, it's interesting to me how people are so careless about this whole thing, where they're just like, ah, fuck it, just let's bring some kids in the mix and throw this thing together. And I'm sure it all work out when, you know, I mean, the divorce rate is over 50%. I don't complete lie. I think it's a complete lie. I think it's It's more like 60, 70%. You have up to 90% of women are filing for divorce. If they're educated, 80% if they're not, if they, you know, they have college degrees. The divorce rate and the give up rate on relationships is off the chain right now.

The average marriage only lasts seven years until death do us part. They just need to remove that from the fucking oath. Because no one's doing that. Anyway, I mean, there's a couple people. What I found is most people my age that have the 20 to 25, 30 year relationships, the key is they are the alpha widower of their partner. Their partner had maybe they were a virgin and they had their first experience with that person. And so they're bound parabond to that person like we talked about earlier. Or maybe there was one partner before that.

But that's the hallmark of these long relationships that I see from all my friends that are in the 50s like me. but they have 25, 30-year, 20-year marriages. And so it's a real key, and the data shows it. And men have to really pay attention to these things. But emotional intelligence is a big deal. It's just amazing to me how careless people are. They're just like, yeah, whatever, we'll figure it out. And you're just like, yeah, you don't figure out what's wrong with the car

and why the back half of the car is dragging its ass down the road. as you just stay on the freeway. You've got to pull over and do some repair. I like this analogy. I'm going to keep using it for dating. I think it's a good. I just had this vision of two people driving down the road, and they're like, we don't have two tires on the back,

and the back's dragging down the road. Should we pull over and maybe see a therapist or do some work? And they're like, and then there's some people that they don't want to do the work. I remember I had one girlfriend. I was like, look, I'm going to, I've tried everything to make this work with you. I didn't realize she'd gone off her medication that she'd been taking for cancer and other issues. I found out later when I moved her out, I was going through her meds that I found in a drawer as I was packing up her boxes. And I was like, wait, these meds stopped about the same time our relationship went the toilet.

And I called her and it was like, sure enough, she'd gone off her meds. And that was it. You could march down to the date that shit went off the rails. And so I said to her, I said, look. I won't I I we've invested a lot in this I'm willing to go to therapy and I'm not usually a person who wants to go to therapy but I'm like I'm willing to go to therapy so that if this relationship continues to fail I can say I gave it everything and she you know what she said to me she goes I don't want to go to therapy and I'm like okay so this isn't that important you she goes no I just know that therapist is going to say I'm the one who's in the wrong that I'm the problem and you know it turns out she was right she was off her meds

she was a good person too I don't mean to malign her in any way shape or form I mean we we were both in a relationship doing our best and that's all people do it takes two to tango I'm sure I did a lot of shitty things in my relationship and that relationship

that I could have done better and I wasn't growing up enough and probably emotionally intelligent enough at that time to deal with it. But that's what a lot of people are doing the best they can, and it's not really good enough people. At least I didn't have any kids and fuck them up with my bullshit.

I got two dogs. They have to deal with my own own condition. And thank God for unconditional love of dogs. So do you do any coaching, any consulting, any help to people maybe on your websites or other things you do in addition to the book?

You know, Chris, at this moment, no, but, you know, people, I do run into people, and they listen to my advice. You know, see that, you know, I'm giving them some truth, organic, real advice. They can see that they can see the wisdom that I'm giving them, Chris, and they can see, and I can tell, okay, they can see that, you know, I'm not saying I'm an expert, Chris, but that I know what I'm talking about. Yeah. And, you know what I mean? So they're kind of like, okay, you know what I mean? And Chris, you mentioned something earlier. when people, how people are just winging it. And this is what Alonzo and I, we don't want people to do.

We don't want you to wing it. No, we, we want you to know going in what to expect and what you and what your part is in the relationship. And this is one of the reasons why I put dating back in the box is on the shelf, because we want you to be educated going in and knowing, and from that education, what to expect. You know, so we, so we, so, because we want to change a dynamic. dynamics on this, Chris, because a lot of people do what you, what you mentioned. Hey, we're just going to work. We're going to figure it out, this, at the other. But we don't want you to do that. We want you to go in, ready, prepared for a healthy relationship.

You know, we want you. So put that in back in the box. Like I said, in the first couple of chapters, you know, we give what we thought was helpful content to help people get their character together as well as their knowledge going in. Because we don't want you figuring this out because nine times of ten, neither one of you, by a person saying that, Chris, that lets me know that you don't really know what a healthy connection is and that you're not ready for a relationship. If I actually heard that comment, so my thing is we want you to kind of dial it back and not just jumping because everybody is not livable. Everybody is not compatible to be with. and being with somebody when there's no connection, Chris, that's not a relationship. That's not, that's not,

you know what I mean? So do it, Chris. All right. So give me your dot-coms as we go out so people can find you on the interwebs to get to know you better. Let's say Amazon.com, Barnes & Nobles.

com, Apple.com. Oh, I'm sorry. Testing? Okay, got it. Apple.com. I mean, see, books a million, Walmart. So, yeah, and I have a profile on Amazon.com as well. Thank you very much, Preston for coming the show.

We really appreciate it. All right. Thanks, Chris. Thanks for having me. Thank you. And thanks to my honest for tuning in. Order up his book where refined books are sold. Putting dating back in the box out March 28th, 2025, wherever refined books are sold.

Thanks for tuning in. Be good to each other. Stay safe. We'll see you guys next. You've been listening to the most amazing. intelligent podcast ever made to improve your brain and your life. Warning, consuming too much of the Chris Walsh Show podcast can lead to people thinking you're smarter, younger, and irresistible sexy. Consume in regularly moderated amounts.

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