The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Role of Love: The most effective way to demonstrate love everyday by Paul Zolman

Episode Date: August 12, 2023

Role of Love: The most effective way to demonstrate love everyday by Paul Zolman https://amzn.to/45i960k Demonstrate Love, All day, Every day! We all want to be loved, but have you ever considered the way you love others can actually transform YOUR life? The Role of Love is a resource you need to help you in your relationships and life. Paul Zolman shares his honest journey of overcoming an abusive childhood and how he found love to be the light that illuminated the path. Love plays a vital role in the quality of life. Join Paul on this journey and discover - How learning to GIVE love away can sharpen your skills to recognize love when it comes your way. - Why the focus on loving the good in everyone can transform your outlook on humanity. - What the law of the harvest has in store for your as it relates to love. What you send out (seeds you plant) will come back to you in abundance without compulsory means. (harvest) Whether you struggle with how to give or receive love, this book will guide you through the roles to understand love better and how to insert this into your life as a major paradigm shift.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready, get ready. Strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. This is Voss here from thechrisvossshow.com, thechrisvossshow.com. Welcome to the big show, my family and friends. We certainly appreciate you guys being here. Welcome to the big podcast, Tent Top in the Sky.

Tent Top, is that a word? I don't know, I just made it up. And we certainly appreciate you guys being here. Remember, the Chris Voss Show is a giant family. You know that family that you're probably the black sheep of and your family won't talk to anymore? Well, the great thing is you have a secondary family at the Chris Voss Show. The Chris Voss Show is the family that loves you. It's a giant community of love and

intelligence and knowledge, but we don't judge you. I mean, there's some other people in the back there. Maybe I can see that. I'm looking over the audience. Yeah, the guy in the purple shirt there. I don't know what's going on with you, man, but I love Prince, but you look funny. No, I'm just kidding. The purple shirt guy's fine. I don't even what's going on with you, man, but I love Prince, but you look funny. No, I'm just kidding. The purple shirt guy's fine. I don't even know. I'm just making up colors and numbers here. So anyway, guys, the Chris Voss Show is a family that loves you, doesn't judge you, maybe not as harshly as your mom does.

So be sure to refer the show to your other family and friends that maybe you want to bring some love to. Go to goodreads.com for it says Chris Voss. LinkedIn.com for it says Chris Voss. YouTube.com for it says Chris Voss. All those it says Christmas. YouTube.com for it says Christmas. All those places that the Christmas show is on. The crazy internet in the sky. We have an amazing gentleman, an author on the show.

And that's all we have. We reject anybody who's not an amazing person on the show, which is, I'm not sure how I got to be hosting, but somehow I slid into the gig. But we have amazing people on the show. And he joins us today to talk about his latest book. It came out January 14th, 2023. Role of Love, the Most Effective Way to Demonstrate Love Every Day. Paul Zolman joins us on the show today. He's going to be talking about his amazing first book. What qualifies Mr. Paul Zolman to speak about love? We're going to find

out, darn it. His childhood experience of the opposite was the opposite of love. And from that austere beginning and the distaste that had formed inside of him, he searched for and eventually created a method that transformed his life from anger to loving everyone. That's a healthy thing to do because I've tried the anger part. It's not healthy for you. Growing up in a family of abuse, physical touch became his preferred love style only because of the regularity. He could almost count on it. It was consistent.

And he came to think that this was the way to express love. But deep inside, he knew that was a twisted belief he wanted a better life for himself which is why he created a paradigm shift that works welcome the show paul how are you thank you chris appreciate the invitation to be on the show appreciate having on this show we're gonna learn a lot about love the world needs more love damn it because uh there's a lot of anger hate and misery in the world. And we're not all about that. We like good stuff. So give me your dot coms, Paul, so people can find you on the interwebs.

So it's rolloflove.com, R-O-L-L-E of love dot com. And they can find me on Instagram under rolloflovedice. There you go. Facebook as well. There you go. And we should get a plug in for, you've got a separate journal people can tie in with this as well, correct? Absolutely. Okay.

And did I get the, is it a journal or it was a workbook? I can't remember. No, it is a journal. There you go. There you go. Inside the journal is just, it becomes a love journal. I'll talk a little bit about it as we go. Let's get, it becomes a love journal. I'll talk a little bit about it as we go. Let's get into it.

So now that we've gotten into that, give us a 30,000-foot overview of the book and what's inside, please. Okay, the 30,000-foot overview of the book is, Chris, it's a book about my journey, how this all came to be, what I had to do to overcome that anger. And let me just back up a little bit. I know you've been an investigator before, and so I want to kind of give the profile for you. Let me start with my grandfather. He was born in Indiana in the late 1800s and had nine children.

After that ninth child, his wife passed away. And he was so distraught that he sold the farm, sold all the equipment. And when the buyers came for all that, it was like an auction. When they came for that, he said, would you like one of these children, one of these children, one of these children, gave them all away except for one. Then he moved to Montana with Benjamin, moved to Montana, married my grandmother, had another 10 children of which my father was the sixth child. This same grandfather died when my father was 10 years old. So here you have, Chris, 19 children fathered by this grandfather of mine that have been abandoned. Just the first nine in Indiana and then another

10 in their early ages in Montana. And I'm actually number 10 of 11 children myself. So just big families, but stuff like that passes on from generation to generation. And so just the economic hardship, all the hard things of the abandonment, just everything you can see kind of why abuse or just mad things, things you plan on getting mad. You know, you hear people say, I'm going to be mad if, or I'm going to be really upset if, they're planning on being mad. And that was my family. Oh, wow. You know, generational trauma is a real big thing.

People need to address it, you know. Absolutely. And, you know, passing on, alcoholism, different other things, sometimes chemically. But the trauma gets passed on because we all learn, and we talked about this on the show before, we all learn from our parents. Our parents set an example for us. And even if your parents say, you know, don't lie, and then they lie to you, and you're like, you just lied to me.

You're full of shit, as George Carlin used to say. parents need to realize that the example they set, not only as themselves as integrative human beings, or people lack integrity maybe, or in the interpersonal relationship between a masculine and a feminine, sets the standard for how people develop relationships and choose relationships and stuff. So you go through this experience of your childhood, and you're dealing with what you you're what they're telling you is love but there's probably some bit of a trauma there and and stuff like that tell us how you kind of go through that journey and and come out of it so so i remember times in my childhood

i remember one time that i've been spanked and this is back to what you said chris that they say don't hit but here they are spanking and it's really and it's And it's back to what you said, Chris, that they say don't hit, but here they are spanking. And it's really severe. And I remember being black and blue on my rear. I had to look in the mirror to see it, but black and blue on my rear for over three weeks. The severity of that. I remember just having, probably being maybe between ages seven or nine, having that done to me. And I remember just feeling so bad about myself. I had a little tiny pocket knife that was probably folded up and everything was maybe an inch and a half, maybe two inches. When you opened it up, it had a one inch blade. And I put that blade to my chest and I thought you know what that point hurts

and I didn't push it in and I thought I thought to myself if I push it in I'm going to hurt myself and then then it's not going to kill me because it's not big enough to go to the heart and I thought I just kind of talked myself totally out of it and i was just thinking i'm just gonna end this and i talked myself out of it cried myself to sleep and that was really the end of that really didn't have any other incidents other than that but it was just that severe with coupled with that anger that from that childhood and back to the 30,000-foot view of this is that that anger gets pent up, and there's residual anger. Even if you move out of the circumstance, you move out of that situation, that anger is pent up, and you've got to find a way to release it.

You've got to find a way to replace that with something else. And I worked and worked and worked and tried and tried, tried a ton of things to try to get rid of it. And it came to a point that, you know, about 15, well, when I was age 35, I kept blaming my dad for all the, all the failed relationships that I had in my life. And there's something funny about blame. If you can blame someone, you don't have to change. No self-accountability. Yeah. It's their fault.

It's their fault. And they've got to change. If you can blame someone, and I was blaming him. The funny thing about that, Chris, it's not so funny. My father had been dead seven years by the time I came to this realization. Wow. At age 35, he was dead, had been deceased seven years earlier. I was still blaming him. He had no way to defend himself or anything like that. I realized, you know what, I'm responsible for my own life, my own decisions. And so it turned a little corner there. I thought it was

done. Then I had another paradigm shift that I was dating about 15 years ago. And it was time to take this woman I was dating up for big brother approval. I'm never 10 of 11 again. And I always have to have that big brother, big sister approval. Always had to have that growing up. And I didn't grow out of it. And if I had big brother, he's a deceased now, but if he was around, I still would go to big brother for the approval. But it took this lady in who was a neighbor of my sister. She thought I was lonely at the time I'd been divorced, thought it was lonely, introduced me to. We developed that relationship good enough to take her to visit Big Brother. First thing my sister-in-law did when we arrived, she pulled her aside and said,

the only emotion that the Zolman family learned growing up was anger. At first, I did not. I said, uh-uh. And then it made me mad. And I thought, oh. Wow. She nailed it. she nailed it she nailed it yeah so from that time chris i i thought you know what i i have an opportunity here to change that perception for the whole zolman family or at least any any of my descendants of the Zolman family. So I started reading the books, reading the color code, trying to learn more about love.

And then I read Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. I really liked the principles of the five love languages. I didn't get the application. My love language is pizza, by the way, and tacos. I'll send some to you so so i i thought dr chapman i'm supposed to guess what chris's love language is and cater to that and then and then that's going to be called love dr chapman listen i grew up in a in a home that i didn't know what love was but i don't think that's love either.

And then the second application that Dr. Chapman suggests is that, well, if I take this survey, then I find out what love language I am, then what? What do I do, Chris? Do I advertise that? Hello, Chris. I have a tattoo on my chest that says my language language is uh pizza so that's how i that's how i advertise it that's how you don't do that people so so hello chris i'm gifts what do you have for me today

this little awkward trying to tell somebody how do you love you and then inadvertently dr chaman created this little pity party he said well I told you how to love me. Why aren't you doing it? And you get that little whiny voice that people get, and it just doesn't work. It just, for me, it didn't work. But I really like the principles. So what I did about that, Chris, is I contacted Dr. Chapman and thought, you know, I liked games when I was a kid. I'm wondering if I can make this a game.

I asked him if he was licensing the icons. He said, no, you know what? They're kind of ugly. They're from 1992. I mean, they're just old and they're just a little dated. So I found a copyright attorney. He said that theory is not copyrightable. So the theory of the five love language,

not copyrightable application is. He of the five love language not copyrightable. Application is. He wasn't doing it as a game, so I made it a game. And this is what it looks like. Oh. Made it into a dice. Okay. There you see gifts. See touch.

Touch. There's time. Okay food is it food or service probably service pizza what are you whenever i see somebody holding a plate i'm like food and then the gifts five love languages six sides on the dice this one is surprise me so so there's just two instructions chris you roll the die every day that's the love language you practice all day that day oh all day to everyone so in reading the book i thought if it's only to significant others that's kind of part-time yeah if you're not with significant others all day long. So how am I supposed to remember a part-time job?

So if I go to work, I go from home and I go to work and I come home and then I forget that I'm doing that part-time job again. That didn't work for me either. I was single when I created this. So I didn't have any significant others. I had to do any significant others. I had to do it to everyone. And I think that's the key, what has really been successful for me.

So by rolling the dice, are you doing a self-discipline practice where you're learning to focus on being able to apply yourself in delivering those love languages to those people who need it? Not necessarily to those that need it, but you're watching for opportunities all day long. So Chris, it changes the mindset. And this is what really excited me about, I just needed a new mindset. What I would be doing is I'd have an annoyance, and then I'd have another

annoyance, and then I'd have another annoyance, and then I'd have another annoyance, and then I'd flash. I'd just have this madness flash, and then I'd go back down, and then I'd start over again, the same process, annoyance on top of annoyance, parlaying that until I had a flash. I didn't have any flashes anymore because the mindset for this changed it to what's right about that person. What can I love about that person? And I was so busy with that, I never went down that critical path.

What's wrong with that person? And how can I criticize or how can I judge that person? It never went down that path. And over a 30-day period, what I found out is that by rolling the die, you give away several times over that 30-day period all five love languages. Okay. So you learn how to learn them all. Even after reading four or five times the book, the five love languages,

I couldn't tell you, I couldn't name them right off the top of my the book the five love language eyes i couldn't tell you i couldn't name them right off the top of my head what the five love languages were i couldn't didn't get it by doing this by giving it away and by doing you actually learn them and it broadens your spectrum for looking at it when it comes your way so it gives you kind of a peripheral vision, if you will, of the love coming back your way. You can recognize it and then respond. Those are the only two things you have control over. You can't bid love to come to you.

You can give it away, and then you can respond when it comes your way. There you go. The way I usually play love games is choose a monopoly. Pass them $200 as I go around and go. The way I usually play love games is choose a monopoly, pass them $200 as I go around and go. I don't know what that means, but usually I'm going to stay in there. I absolutely know what that means. There you go. Just deposit here and everything will be fine. So you've created this dice, and I can see it on the cover of your book,

and I imagine talking about the love, playing a game of love or a game of love to remind yourself of all these features. This is one of the reasons that the title of your book is called The Role, R-O-L-E, The Role, The Gaming Role of Love. Is that correct? Absolutely. So it changes you inside. It's a play on words. You R-O-L-L, the die. By following what the die says, it changes you within so that you just have a different disposition. You're not looking for opportunities.

You're not saying, just wait. If that happens, I'm going to be mad. You're not planning to be mad. You're planning for love. You're planning, I'm going to be mad. You're not planning to be mad. You're planning for love. You're planning. I'm looking for opportunities to love. One other thing about the diet that I found is that as I'm practicing that love language all day that day, giving it away, I'm watching for people that light up. And when they light up, I don't have to give them the survey, Chris.

I don't have to say, could you please take chris i don't have to say could you please take this survey so that i can figure out how to love you and then i could if you just had your shirt off chris i could see that you had pizza on there i'd know how to love you yeah it's the tattoo there right now if you if i have my shirt off you can see that i have eaten way too much pizza over 55 years so i'm wearing i'm still wearing about half of it. We're glad for that today. Well, yeah, we're trying to get rid of it.

We're trying to move it on to, uh, I don't know, uh, healthy drinks like wheatgrass. And so, um, that's the new thing,

but it tastes awful. Uh, so I can see on the book, you've got the dice roll there. Uh, you talk about the role of love and basically this is a way for when people struggle on how to give or receive love um they can understand the roles on how to love better is this kind of also playing to you know

self-love like maybe i if i don't feel loved i can roll the dice and be like oh hey i should go get some pizza yeah that's a really good question chris and i think that it really does play into self-love but you get it a different way oh i. What I found is that you've got to really trust the system that you send the love out without really out any expectation of anything coming back. If you're thinking about reciprocation, that's a transaction. And love really is, true love is not really transactional. It's sending it out without any expectation of it coming back but trusting that it's a boomerang. It's absolutely coming back.

On the contrast, if you send anger out, you've got an immediate return on your investment. It's coming right back. I don't ever expect love when I send out to come back. I just think it was extortion. Is that a word? that's in your book um there you go we do the jokes around here so um you know it was a reason you went with the dice instead of like i said the monopoly model or i

don't know stratego or chess i really wanted it to be simple i I want it to be so simple. You know, it takes less than two seconds to roll the die in the morning. People are very busy. And if two seconds of investment will change your life, will change your day, would you not do it? I think everybody out there listening in your podcast and those that are even not listening, everybody wants a huge return on investment. They put a tiny bit in, they get a huge amount back. This is one of those things. Just two seconds of the day at the start of the day, you'll get a huge return. And I've made it a dive with, there's no words on it. Obviously, you can see they're all just pictures. And I did it that way on purpose because, Chris, if I say the word elephant, in your mind, you're not seeing the words E-L-E-P-H-N-T.

You're not seeing the letters. You're seeing the animal itself. It's a memory hook. This, whatever you rolled for the day, it'll be a visual for you. You'll be able to remember it. And then you'll be watching all day long for those opportunities. In a school system, this is ideal. At the beginning of the day, the class rolls the die. They're watching for

opportunities of love within the classroom setting all day that day. And at the end of the day, that's where the journal comes in. And that's what I was going to talk about, the journal. So at the end of the day, the last 10 to 15 minutes, kids are rambunctious. They're anxious. They know the bell's going to ring. They're ready to go home. They've been there all day. It's just nonproductive time.

So let's turn that back into productive time at the end of the day. Have them write in the journal what they rolled that day, what opportunities they saw to love in that way that day, and then what they did about those opportunities. Think of that. At the end of the year, a first grader's got a journal, a love journal for first grade. When you become an adult, that's going to be invaluable for you. When you become a parent, it's going to be even more valuable, or a grandparent. Who wouldn't love to have a love journal like that from their mother, or their father, or their

grandmother, or their grandfather? The journals I got from my mother and my grandmother talked about the weather 50, 60 years ago. Who cares about the weather 50, 60 years ago? I would have loved to have something about love. There go i'm gonna get one it uses a documented journal and have them sign every day did i love you in the way that your love language was today okay i need you to sign that and i need a notary uh so that we can do that we'll do that again tomorrow i don't know good idea yeah then you got something to hand the attorney i'm just kidding uh divorce jokes abundance um so let's get into the journal some more. Tell us about what's inside there and how it does. And the question I have for you too, if you don't

mind me throwing two at you, is it seems like this kind of focuses more on, not more on, but a lot on gratitude. Because if you're not looking for love and you're looking for anger or things to make you bitter or be angry about, it's a whole different mindset, right, in paradigm. It is. And so I have a story about the looking for love. Before I met this lady that I took to my brother for big brother approval, and the reason I was so hesitant is I was living seven hours away from my sister at the time, and she wanted me to get in touch and start dating her neighbor.

And I just come off a year and a half of midlife crisis. I've been divorced and just come off a year and a half midlife crisis of doing destination dating, where I was in one city, she was in another city, we'd pick a city, meet there and have a date. So I'd been to Daytona Beach, Jacksonville, Florida, Atlanta, Georgia, Nashville, Kansas City, New York City, Charlotte, North Carolina, Columbia, South Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina. That's not dating. You're on tour. Phoenix, Salt Lake City, Snowflake, Arizona, and Cabo San Lucas. Holy shit. It was fabulous. I loved it.

I spent more than $10,000 just doing destination dating, but did not find love. Home away to vacation, though. It was fun. I had fun. I had a great time. Hey, look, I see some nice places. Yeah, so if fun was the object, then I did a great job.

I accomplished it. So you're looking for love language there. Fun, yeah. Maybe I should have like a seven-side dice that has fun on it. Yeah, travel fun. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, a cruise ship on it. Yeah, fun.

Yeah, something like that. Anyway, so just looking for love just really doesn't work because, again, it's back to the direction. And this is really key, Chris, that you have to know that you're only in control of sending that out and reacting when it comes your way. You really can't bid it. That means you can't find it. So if you find it, you're supposing that you found somebody that might like you and is sending it your way.

And that's really, really hard. That's just by sending it out, people are going to, it is naturally going to come back. It's absolutely going to come back to you. Definitely, definitely. You know, what's that old sign? Well, I had two songs in my head looking for love in all our own places and then uh and then uh what you send out is the love you receive i

can't remember love you send us i think it's triumph um and so people can use the journal to stay grounded they can they can focus on um uh gratitude gratitude is a huge thing for me when i when i focus on being on having some gratitude instead of being an asshole all the time, I find that I'm less of an asshole, but I'm still an asshole. So there's that. You talk in the book about how, things I do for a joke. You talk about this in the book, the law of harvest. Tell us what that is. And is that me harvesting pizza or is that something else? It could be pizza. I hadn't thought of that.

But I think I could write another book with just your show here. You got book two. I'm setting you up for it, man. Give me all of those here. I'm going to give you a little credit. Send me a $5 check. Write the forward or something. There you go.

Yeah. So the law of the harvest is just what we've been talking about. It's the boomerang effect. You send it out. You just plant it, plant the seeds. You nourish those seeds. It'll come back to you. It may take several days, but you just need to trust that it'll come back.

But it's more like putting money into a piggy bank. You're saving that for a rainy day. When that rainy day comes, then the payback, it'll be there. The money will be there for you. Love, you're filling the wells of other people. And hopefully it'll come back and people will fill your well as well. It happens that way. One thing that maybe some of your listeners have

gone to yoga class I don't know if you've ever gone to yoga class and it's hard and I imagine your hand is up like that service guy and you're trying to hold the pizza there on one foot that would be a yoga thing and then I just go

yum yum yum yum yum thanks for setting me up on that one yeah Um, yum, yum, yum. Yum, yum, yum. I can see it. Thanks for setting me up on that one. Yeah. So when they go to the yoga class, people put their hands together like they're praying like this. And then they say namaste. So namaste is exactly kind of what this is all about.

Namaste literally means the God in me sees the God in you. Or said another way, the divine in me sees the divine in you. Oh, okay. And so that's the literal meaning of it. It's the Tibetan monks that created that, as far as I know. And when they say that, they really mean it, that they're seeing something good in you. When you're rolling the die and watching for those opportunities to love, saying, what's good about that person? How can I love that person today? How can I brighten their

day? How can I uplift them? How can I make them light up? There you go. I mean, that's something we need to remember about and become more spiritual about. What do you find most of your readers are writing you back and gaining from your book and saying it's inspiring or touching or moving them the most? I think it's raising the level of consciousness, like you had mentioned before, Chris, that people are more aware of the good things that people do. If you take mainstream media, they're always focusing on, and it sells, the murder and the violence and the criminal things. Those things really sell. But love doesn't sell that great. It just doesn't.

I mean, if it's a romance novel, it'll sell well. But just general love, the kindness and caring of one another, the humanity of people just is really not a big seller. But I found that it's just a better life. And that's where you find your own happiness. That's where you find your own love, your self-love that we talked you talk ask a lot about a little bit before a little bit ago that you're going to find out that you're going to find great satisfaction in in making someone's day a lot better just by sending them giving them

a compliment helping them just just have a happier day lifting them up, lighting them up. Just for example, I've got a few examples. One, there may be nemesis out there like the IRS. I mean, who can love the IRS? And it's just kind of one of those hard ones to love. But I got a notice a couple months ago from the State Tax Commission here in the state where I live. And they said that I owed them $2,500. And it was for a corporation that was really dormant and I was closing the corporation down. So when I called this office just to talk to them, normally this person that answers the phone gets beat up all day long. You would think that people are calling mad and they've got horns on

their head and they're just giving it to the person. I ask, they all answer and they say their name. She answered and said her name was Katya. And I said, could you spell that for me? She said, K-A-T-Y-A. I said, oh, I thought you said Katja. And I thought you're perfect for this job because you caught me and I Katja. And it was just hilarious. No one had ever expressed that to her about her name. She was in the tax collection office and her name's Katja. And it was just hilarious, a hilarious moment for me. And it actually became hysterical for her. She just knocked off the hook and it was just as funny as can be.

But she got right down to business, cleared that $2,500, closed down the corporation, and it was just like that. It did not take much at all. But just expressing kindness, even in an adverse situation having a little bit of humor like you've got chris just having that really helps express love in that way to everyone i mean they're people too that's just their job but perfect perfect name for that job yeah i thought that was really funny she's answering it every time going hello gotcha hello gotcha bingo um did you ever think about taking the dice and uh i i think i can think of one addition i date i date very badly and poorly and uh i don't know maybe it's childhood trauma but i have a very

horrible picker or maybe i just date women that have some issues or i don't know there's some it's me it's clearly me but uh you ever thought about putting one of the sides of the dice just like a bank account because that seems to be what my girlfriend's love languages are no i access to my bank account there was an attorney here in town that that all he wanted on on his die, he wanted six sides of physical touch. Oh, wow. Yeah, so he'd roll the die every day. That's what he wanted to give away.

That's what he wanted to give back, and that was it. That's when you put a little thing of lead or solder on that side of the dice. What do they call those dice in Vegas that are stacked? Suddenly they roll. They always roll a certain way and stuff. But it's probably good, too, in a relationship to help focus each other on reminding each other that, hey, my language isn't hitting over the head

with the board. Maybe you should try, I don't know, pizza. That's what you do, right? And so it probably builds better relationships when you say that. It absolutely does. When you're making those mental notes of people getting excited or lighting up, as I call it, when you're expressing love to them and just taking those mental notes, just wash, rinse, repeat, doing that over and over again for that person. It's a better gauge that I found than even a survey. The survey I took, obviously, I was physical touch because of my background. But as I grow older, it changes.

It really has changed. And more the words is really what really kind of lights me up. Just the people talking to me and just their expressions and how they make their expressions really changes my disposition, helps me feel better. How do you know when you feel loved? People are speaking your love language? And do people identify, hey, this person is trying to love me, you know, like some people's minds you can't read and some people don't communicate to you what their love language is. Do you need to roll the dice for them and be like, show me on the dice whether it'll hurt you or something, you know, that sort of thing?

I don't know. Yeah, not really. So what I would suggest is that you just find out, like I said, what lights them up. And the way to feel that you're being loved is they'll do it in the genre that you like, like the best. But the nice thing about this, Chris, is after a 30-day period of rolling the die, you get to the point that you become what I like to call a love language linguist. You know all the love languages to give it away. I'm putting this on my Tinder profile.

I'm going to get the babes now. Absolutely. And you want to put it on your resume, too. Everybody wants it on their resumes. Love language linguist. Yeah. Sexy title. Just think of it, though, Chris.

A resume that has that love language linguist on it, the employer is going to ask, what the heck is a love language linguist? You're going to say, well, I just love people. That employer said, well, I need my customers love and I want kind of a loving environment within the workplace. Your resume is going to rise up to the top. But the HR department might not like some versions of love, though. I don't know. The touching part might be bad. Well, in the workplace, you're doing the

high-fives, the fist bumps. I just wave at people. I don't touch anybody at work. Just wave? Yeah. I just wave. Or maybe I flip the bird. It depends on my mood. That's a wave, too. Yeah, you over there. Stay over on that side of your office um so there's that clearly but i need to get your dice and roll the love language and and i like you know what you look for in life is what you find uh and you know i remember there was an analogy i think it was tony robbins that

taught this in 89 when i went and saw him and he he talked about, you know, there's two people can go into a party and one person can be, you know, kind of have a negative mindset and they can see like everything wrong with the party. And they can see all the unhappy people that are miserable and they're not having a good time. And people that don't like the food at the party or whatever. And then another person go to the party and they can see it's the greatest party in the world.

And everyone's happy and everything. You know, it's kind of like when you buy a green pinto as soon as you start driving that green pinto around you start seeing you know other green pintos and it's part of this uh thing we do to validate that hey i make good decisions or hey i see the world uh properly and so two people can come away with two different, completely different experiences of their thing. And so what you're doing by making people focus on finding love and where love is and how to give love and get

love back, you're going to get what you're looking for. Whereas if you go out looking for anger, oh man, I got a whole host of new sites of politicians I can hook you up with. Yeah, absolutely. And by the way, it was a whole host of new sites of politicians I can hook you up with. Yeah, absolutely. And by the way, it was a blue Pinto that I had. It was a blue?

You had the blue Pinto? 1974, yeah. I used to ride around those. The best part was they made great fireworks if you rode in the back. It was free. It came with a car. They don't make cars like that anymore.

I really like what you just said, Chris, about focusing on one thing or another. And, you know, I kind of compare it to a magnifying glass. A magnifying glass makes things bigger. So if you're going to magnify something, who wants to magnify the faults of another? Because guess what? That boomerang is coming right back to you. They're going to look at what's wrong with you. And do you want that?

Who wants that? No, because there's a lot of things wrong with me, and people don't need to see it any bigger. Let's focus on the good things, Chris. Yeah, focus on the, I mean, one or two, two and a half things that are good. Just ignore the rest of all of it. Well, let's magnify and grow that two and a half things that are good. Just ignore the rest of all of it. Well, let's magnify and grow that two and a half thing. Yeah, there you go.

That's what the magnifier glass is good for. Make it at least three. Yeah. Yeah. Two looks like three or one and a half looks like three. I need all the help I can get. So this has been really insightful. Anything more you want to tease out in the book, in the journal before we go?

Just one other thing. You know, I tested this with a family. So just as far as the spectrum of who can benefit from this, small children that even can't even read because it's pictures, they can't even read, can do that. One time that I tested it with a family of five children, the youngest is four years old. And one day he rolls physical touch. He jumps up in the air, pumps his fist up and down and says, yes, physical touch. Immediately, he went to beat up on his brothers. And the mother starts cracking up and she had to kind of suppress the laughter because you want it as a teaching moment, somebody yeah this is this is appropriate physical touch

so this is really a great teaching tool for families that way even as far young children that you can tell them what each one is they'll memorize it quickly they'll know and they'll want to roll the die themselves there you go well what a hero's journey you've been on you've you've gone from childhood abuse trauma etc etc and and you've overcome that and now you're in a point where you're learning to share that with other people uh brighten lives bring more love to the world because you know if you've seen the tv lately we need more of that uh not more of the tv i should clarify uh more of the love uh. And maybe we can make the world a better place. I think it harkens me to John Lennon's

song, Imagine, which is one of my favorite songs of all time. So thank you very much, Paul, for coming on the show. Really appreciate it, man. Thank you, Chris. It's been a pleasure. Pleasure, too. Lots of fun, too. Lots of pizza jokes, too. Absolutely. Enjoy it. Do I get paid in pizza?

Do we have a Domino's sponsorship? Anyway, Paul, give us your.com so people can find you on the internet, please. So it's rolloflove.com, R-O-L-E of love .com, and you can find it there. If you're a podcast person and you're listening

to the podcast, you might like to listen to an Audible, too, and you can go to put my name in on Amazon. If you put a podcast person and you're listening to the podcast, you might like to listen to an Audible too. And you can go to put my name in on Amazon. If you put love in, you're going to get a million hits of love this, love that, love everything. Put my name in there. It'll go right to the book and you can order the Audible on Amazon. There you go. There you go.

Well, thanks for coming on, Paul. Thanks for tuning in. Order the book wherever. Fine. Books are sold. Well, thanks for coming on, Paul. Thanks, Manas, for tuning in. Order the book wherever you find books are sold. You can get the journal and the book. Role of Love, the most effective way to demonstrate love every day. Available January 14th, 2023. Thanks, Manas, for tuning in. Go to goodreads.com, fortuneschristophiluslinkedin.com,

fortuneschristophilus, and all those places in the world. Know your love language, share it and find more love in the world. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next time.