The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Shattered to Mosaic: All the While Trusting God and walking with Jesus by Cynthia Kaitfors-Smith

Episode Date: June 1, 2025

Shattered to Mosaic: All the While Trusting God and walking with Jesus by Cynthia Kaitfors-Smith Amazon.com I found after leaning on the Lord through grief and loss there truly is JOY after the storm. There is so much in life to celebrate through the word of God, the Joys and the Rainbows of our lives. I am a Christian gal, with the gift to gab, wonderful imagination, and a creative spirit. I would daydream my way through the school day. I was born and raised in the beautiful Black Hills of South Dakota, I earned my BA in Psychology and MS in Marriage Family Therapy and a credential in School Counseling. Through my education, strong faith, trust in God, I healed from betrayal and divorce. As I grew in my personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I realized the importance of being more than a luke-warm Christian.

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast, the hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show, the preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries and motivators. Get ready, get ready. Strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Cause you're about to go on a monster education rollercoaster with your brain.

Now here's your host, Chris Voss. Hello, this is Voss here from the ChrisVossShow.com. Beautiful. There you go ladies, the only ladies things that makes official welcome to the big show as always, the Chris Voss show. It only ladies things that makes official welcome to the big show. As always, the Chris Foss Show. It's the band that loves you. And we just appreciate you guys spending your time with us over 16 years and 2,400 episodes. And so we'll just keep

making more. If you don't mind, we'll just double that or triple that in the next year or something. And I'll lose my mind. Anyway, go to Goodreads.com, Forchess, Chris Foss, LinkedIn.com, Forchess, Chris Foss, Chris Foss 1 on the TikTok and Facebook.com, Forchess, Voss LinkedIn.com. Forch us Chris Voss Chris Voss one on the TikTok and Facebook.com. Forch us Chris Voss. Opinions expressed by guests on the podcast are solely their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host or the Chris Voss show. Some guests to the show may be advertising on the podcast, but it is not an endorsement or review of any kind.

Today's featured author comes to us from bookstolifemarketing.co.uk with expert publishing to strategic marketing. They help authors reach their audience and maximize their book's success. Pete Slauson Today we have an amazing young lady on the show. We're talking about her book that came out September 4th, 2024 of her story, Shattered to Mosaic, All the While Trusting God and Walking with Jesus. We have Cynthia Kite Forrest Smith on the show with us today. We're going to be talking about her insights, some of the stories of her lifetime and what she's gone through. And she's a Christian gal with a gift of gab, a great imagination and creative spirit. She spent her young life in the beautiful

Black Hills of South Dakota. She earned her BA in psychology, her master's in marriage family therapy and a school counselor credential. She's now an adjunct faculty member with the Fresno Pacific University and Christian University. She instructs students in early child development who want to teach with kindness, empathy and understanding, as well as all ages and stages of developmental milestones. Welcome to the show. How are you? Cynthia S. And I'm great. Thank you very much for asking. Pete Thank you, Cynthia. And give us any dot coms. Where do you want people to find you

on the interwebs? Cynthia S. They can find me on newlifeenjoy.com. That's my book page for New Life. I'm also on Facebook with the same, so they can find me there for sure. So give us a 30,000 overview. What's inside your new book? Wow. It is all about walking through the trials and tribulations of being blindsided by a divorce through infidelity. Oh, really?

Oh, wow. That's not fun. Kristin Larkin No, it wasn't. Pete Slauson Well, these are the stories we collect on the Chris Foss Show, stories of trials, tribulations, cathartic moments and the journey that people went through and how they overcame and persevered through these dark moments of people's lives. And they help other people share with their, you know, the resources they use to the journey to make it better. So give us a little bit more drill down if you want on that.

Tell us about your life. Is it a bit of a memoir, this book? Dr. Pippa Hicks It is actually a journal because I earned my degree in counseling. When I realized I was about to be divorced after decades of marriage, I thought, what would I tell myself if I was my client? And the first thing I would say is journal, journal, journal, journal. And so that's what I began the first week after finding myself in this predicament.

And I just started journaling, and I journaled, and I journaled. And then one night, I just could hear the Lord tell me that, you know, are you thankful for nothing? He called me by name, Cynthia, are you thankful for nothing? And it was like, whoa. I was like, oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. You know, it was all about me, right? And I turned the page and I started journaling to God and how I was going to get through this. And then, He walked through it with me every step of the way between just trusting in Him and hanging on to Jesus through many miracles, which is amazing.

And then, as I continued to journal, I could just hear that you need to write this for other people. You need to help other people who are so shattered that you need to help them get put back together. And so that's what I was doing. Pete Awesome. That's great. Now, how many years were you married? Dr. Judy Boudreau I was married 30. Pete Thirty years. And tell us about how you found out about the infidelity. Take us through the story a little bit more in depth. I know we want people to read the books, there's that, but give us some foundation, if you will.

I think probably I knew before I knew, but we live with that don't upset the apple cart attitude, and things were not the best, but my ex-husband was going through some career problems and so I had attributed that to that and just kind of left at it but I knew there were problems and it just became worse and worse and then what happened was one day I found a cell phone bill and this was before you had all the freebies on your cell phone. You had to pay for long distance. You had to pay for all that time you used. And our phone bill was over $800 for one month. What?

Yeah. And it wasn't business related, I can tell you that. And so that brought it to a head. Yes. Now was this, was this 1900 numbers or calling the individuals? First person number to his girlfriend. Oh, wow. Wow. I've had a few people,

they use the Apple phone, and the Apple phone will upload all the text messages to the main Apple computers. Even though the spouses may have their own separate phones, they can get busted, I guess is the right word,

because it uploads that central thing. I've known a whole bunch of people that have got busted because they were talking to their girlfriends and it got uploaded to the Apple, the main computer. Their wife was sitting there reading in real time. Which you never do. And when you get the bill, it's a little bit of a shocker. It's like over $800, just like, Whoa, what happened here?

That's a lot of talking. It's a lot of talking. Yes. So at that point, give us, you know, I'm sure the details are in the book, but give us a little bit of tease out. I mean, do you confront him? How did, how does this go down? Eventually I did because I had to know, you to know what was going on and he truly missed

his calling. He should have been an actor because he played, he had a double life and he did it well and so he was trying to talk his way out of it, but that's when you know, you know, even if you don't want to know. And so much. Yeah. And I just went too much as Shakespeare used to say, I'm sorry for interrupting. Yes. No, I just pushed. That's too much. Yeah, and I just went. That's just too much as Shakespeare used to say. I'm sorry for interrupting.

Yes. No, it's true. And so, it was a point of, do you believe the lie or do you still confront it? And that's when I said, no, we can't go further than this because there's a problem. Yeah. And the loss of trust is hard to rebuild. Oh, for sure. But you know what?

I have such a strong faith in God, I always have, that I figured we could fix anything. You know, forgetting that there's free will in the world, and if there's only one part of the family, you know, one part of the couple that wants to fix it, it's not going to work. But truthfully, as time went on, there was no way I would have ever trusted him again. So it was the right thing, you know, even though the voiceless people. Pete Once that trust is lost, it's nearly impossible to gain it because it's always going to be in the back of your head.

You're always going to be like, what are they up to and what are they doing? And all that good stuff. Now, tell us about your foundation in growing up. Where did you get involved with, you know, your faith? Did you always have your faith? Did you find it? Give us an idea of how that worked. You know, that's a really good question.

And it's always been there, forever. It's always been there. My mom was incredible. She was Japanese after World War II. She, you know, faced a lot of stuff that I didn't quite understand, but she made sure we always got to church. And so, I have three brothers and, you know, we went to church and did our thing. But I believe maybe one of my other brothers, my younger brother, my youngest, he has a faith as deep as mine, but I'm the

Gabby one. I'm the one that will talk your ear off. I don't know a short story. My kids can attest to that, or My kids can attest to that Or my students can attest to that. I don't know a short story. I love that Yeah, I don't and anyway, it's always been there so I was the gal that would go to church during Lent by myself on a Wednesday or Friday and I just had a deeper calling and and being the only daughter I had told my mom when I was about 17 I think I want to be a nun and she about had a heart attack and being the only daughter, I had told my mom when I was about 17, I think I want to be a nun. And she about had a heart attack and said, first of all, Cynthia, you are not

Catholic. And I went, oh yeah, that's true. And then she said, but if you want to serve the Lord, there's many ways you can do it without hiding yourself away in a monastery. Those were her words, not mine. And so I thought, oh, that's true. That's very true. So it was always there. And actually, with my ex-husband, the first date we had was to church because it was always really, really important to me to have a strong faith. And I thought he did. But like I said, he should have been an actor. Pete You know, you did, I mean, were, was things good? You said you were married, I think, for 30 years.

Yes. Was it good for a while? Or were you dealing with an actor the whole time? Or? I think I was dealing with an actor for a whole time. However, I think the beginning of our marriage was pretty nice. But there were problems all along. There were, you know, in hindsight is 2020. And you can certainly see it. And his family did not appreciate him marrying a gal of Japanese ethnicity. And, and you know, it started off rocky and I don't think he had the courage to back out of it. And I was just oblivious. I was a college girl in love. What did I know?

Pete Slauson Now, there was Now, there was that time where, I think you mentioned World War II and there was the Japanese internment camps and different things. Did you see a mother get pulled into any of that and there's a lot of racist stuff that was going on back then? Julie Snell My mom and my mom's sister, my Aunt Mary, they were young girls at the time. And they were put in a foster home and it was a really abusive foster home, but that's where they were put. We always laugh about it, but I think my grandfather, my mother's father, did not go into an internment

camp, but he worked for the government somehow. He did something because he was probably the only Japanese man walking around the United States. I don't know. But bless his heart, he was an amazing guy and left the girls there. And the mom didn't have much time for them until much later. So they had a really, really rough time. But between the two sisters, the little girls, their life was incredible. Absolutely. My cousin and I think about them all the time because they were fabulous women, just didn't have a lot of the opportunities that they made sure their daughters had.

Pete Well, yeah, I mean, it was an interesting journey back then and you kind of have to think about, you know, what that, maybe the impact that had on you and everything and finding faith, etc., etc. When you go through this cathartic moment, you're getting divorced, that's a lot of craziness. I don't know if craziness is the right word, but that's a lot of John Pack after 30 years of security and I don't know if you went into the dating world after that. That's always a crazy place to be, especially these days. Unfortunately, I did.

My younger son, I have two sons and my younger son saw how devastated I was. My older son and his family lived in Arizona. So my younger son after graduation came back into the Fresno area and we didn't live together, but he had his own place. But he just, he felt so bad that I was so shattered that he just said What why don't you get online? I said last thing I want to do is meet another guy, you know that kind of attitude Give me a break But at some point I had a lot of coffee dates a lot a lot of coffee dates

Yeah And that but I was at that point, I had really immersed myself in the Lord, because I knew the only way I was going to get through this was be resilient with the power of God walking with me. And that's what I did. And so even on my coffee dates, I rambled on about the good Lord. And I can remember one guy said, you are the most enthusiastic person for God I've ever met. And I thought, yeah, we're not ever going to see each other again.

Pete Slauson Oh, it was a dismissive sort of compliment. That dismissive compliment, as it were. Julie Yes, yes, very sure. But you know, it was okay with me because I wasn't invested in it anyway. So. Pete Yeah, coffee dates, you're checking it. There was a lot. And truthfully, as I started this journey, I realized I need to get into a Bible study for other women. I needed to get involved.

I could just hear the Lord pushing me. And so I joined a women's Bible study at our church. And it was a Beth Moore study. I'll never forget it. I don't know the name of the study. But out of the first beginnings, the first question was, do you believe in God? And I thought, what a silly place to start. Of course we believe in God. We're in church, right? And then the second question was, do you trust Him? And that was when I made the decision that, because I'm listening to the other women speak

and I'm thinking, how can you not trust Him? then it was like do you trust him Cynthia or do you maybe kind of trust him and so I turned my life over to him completely and I trusted him whether it was good bad or indifferent crying all day and and maybe having joy the next it didn't matter matter. I trusted Him. And so, through all my journals, even as sad as I was, there was always hope and there was always resilience. Pete And you know, I think we all think, seek a paternal figure. We hope someone's watching over us and looking after us. And certainly, people find that in marriage, people find that in relationships, people find that in religion, you know, it gives people a safety net where, you know, they

believe in something bigger than themselves. And for some people we talk about addiction, I think we had some people on addiction this week, you know, it helps them find something bigger than themselves they can latch onto and hold onto. In the story, I don't to and hold on to. In the story, I don't know if you want to tell us the ending, does you end up getting remarried or any luck there? Yeah, you know, it was a God thing for sure, but after quite a while, I was single for 14 years and I finally told my best friend Nancy that I really

wanted to meet a guy. I'm ready. And she goes, are you sure you've said that before? And I go, no, I'm ready. I think I'm ready. Ready. Yeah. And so she says, she says, I don't know anybody now, but if I think of someone, I will. And one day the Super Bowl was on and she called me and she goes, we're having a party.

I want you to meet this guy. I come over. And I said, I do not want to come over to a Super Bowl party. I got my jammies on. I got the beginning of a cold. She goes, no, you have to meet him. She said, he's a widower and he's not ready to date, but I want him to meet you. So, all right, Nancy, I'm coming.

So I go over there and he really never says a word to me because the guys are watching football, right? But I guess he noticed me. And as everybody was leaving, he walks over to me and he takes my hand and he takes it in both hands. And he said, Cynthia, it was really nice to meet you. And when he touched me, an electrical shock went through me. And prior to that, many years before that, I had had a dream, that's in the book, I had a dream that I was just lost, but Jesus asked me to hold his hand.

And the minute I reached out to hold his hand, the electrical love that flows from Jesus went through me. This was the same electrical flash that I'd felt before. And so it was like, oh my gosh, what had just happened? And I was just perplexed by it. But anyway, so then two years later, we joined a singing and dancing group for people 55 and older.

And my husband has an extraordinary voice. He has a beautiful voice. I'm okay, I'm good in a group. I'm a dancer and I've always danced. And that's how we then finally got together. But I didn't trust it. No, was this the same gentleman who had held your hand two years before? Yes. Yes, it's the same gentleman who had held my hand. And of course, you know, it has to go, you have to live life with a sense of humor. And finally, after many weeks, because you have three or four months of rehearsals,

because you have 18 shows, it's really a big production. However, yeah. However, he finally comes over during a break and he sits down with some friends of mine. And the first thing he says to me is, so Cynthia, how old are you? And in my head, I, how old are you? And in my head I'm like, are you freaking kidding me? That's the first thing you're gonna say to me? And of course I'm gonna say 55, right? I'm not gonna tell him my age,

but one of my friends had said, you graduated in 65, right? Now I have to tell my age. Now I have to. But he also graduated in 65. And he later told me, because we laughed and laughed about it, that the reason he asked was I look younger and his dad had married a girl 20 years his junior and it didn't end well and he didn't want the same situation. So anyway, long

term, long stay, I don't know short stories. And then we dated quite a while and then I just didn't trust him. So one day he took me to the Memorial Museum over in our area in Fresno, California, and we're walking around, walking around. And he guides me over to a wall that has the distinguished flying cross. And there's his name. And he was in Vietnam. Yeah, he's highly decorated. And he he said I don't show that to you to brag he said I show that to you that says if I tell you I love you I mean I love you and I won't do anything that's happened to you before that did it. I love the story what a nice

gentleman very thoughtful. Oh he's amazing you know we ups and downs. He's a CPA and I'm a therapist. You know, I'm warm and fuzzy and he's black and white. You know, I mean, that's kind of men and women's nature. I mean, women are more ethereal, I think maybe might be the right word. They believe in, you know, love and passion and peace. And, you. And men were really hard on the numbers and analytical and logical, but that's what makes us both, or it's supposed to make us a good fit together.

Or complement each other and stuff. But yeah, there's probably still a couple arguments of who's right and who's wrong there. Especially when it comes to balancing the checkbook. Maybe I hear that's always an issue and I'm married. So, there you go. But what a great story.

What a great story. That is awesome because… Yeah, so, I didn't end up getting married. We've been married just about 10 years. Awesome. Congratulations. Thank you. Congratulations.

It is so hard. I deal with a lot of, I have big dating groups and I deal with a lot of people that are 50 plus and it is so hard. And when you understand the math of how many people are still alive and how many people aren't married and how it's a very small pool to choose from because men start dying off at double the speed of women. Then we were actually dying off almost double throughout most of our lives. So the challenge is that there's not much to choose from.

And a lot of men and women have both been through divorces and sometimes cleaned out and out of only child support and the damage from the fallout of the divorce. People aren't like, I don't want to really do that again. I've done it a couple of times and have my fill of it and I'm out of money. Yeah. Yeah. And you're wearing the t-shirt. So yeah, you don't need to wear in the t-shirt. That's a good point. I still haven't gotten the t-shirt. I've been saving up for my divorce so I can get married soon. I'm up to about two, three million and I think I need five million to get divorced. So I'm just planning my divorce. And then what I'm going to do

is I I've never been married, so I've got to catch up to everybody get divorced. So I'm just planning my divorce. And then what I'm going to do is I, I've never been married, so I've got to catch up to everybody really quickly. So I'm just going to go through a bunch of really bad, like one to two year marriages really quickly. Maybe just, maybe I'll do one in Vegas and just have an old the next week. And that way I can, cause everyone right now has three or four marriages in at my age. That's scary.

That's a scary thought. Yeah. I remember I had a young lady in one of my dating groups. She said to me, she says she was in her fifties. She goes, Chris, I need some help with men and dating. And I go, okay, I'll give you some advice. And she goes, she goes, every time I go out with a guy on a coffee date, they run off screaming and never come back.

And I never hear from them again. And it's pretty consistent. I'm like, they don't run off screaming, but you're not joking. And I said, well, tell me about yourself. I've been married and divorced four times and I want to get married again. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

What? She goes, yeah, I've been divorced four times. And I'm like, yeah, I can tell you why guys are running away. Exactly. The odds on that fifth divorce are like, oh, nine, pretty high. It goes badly. It's like 50, 60% for the first, then I think 73 for the second or the third. And then it goes like 84 for the, it's really bad odds.

I mean, I kind of have the opinion that you get two shots at it, third time you're out, you know, it's like baseball maybe. I don't know. But there's, you know, I've heard that there are people that when it does work, it's fricking solids. What do I know? But I certainly would rather burn money on a roulette wheel with better odds than Vegas and

Those are the jokes But I'm glad you found it because I was really a whole force Front of your story. I'm like, I hope this ends well That's one of the things I tell in the in the book is it's like being out in the wilderness. You know, it's like the Israelis out wandering for 40 years. And I said, what I have found where I needed to be if I hadn't been married, yes, I still would have ended up happy. Because I was pretty satisfied being single.

It's just when you have a partner, it's just so sweet. And it just adds so much to your life. And he's a strong Christian guy. Pete Slauson But I, I'm going to follow the promised land. Pete Slauson That's a good question too. When you guys met up and started getting together, you found he was maybe more religious than your prior husband? Julie He was more honest about it. I think I was the

faithful one in our marriage. I always figured him, with my ex-husband, I figured he had a strong faith because his family were strong churchgoers. But just because you go to church doesn't mean you're faithful. Pete Slauson That's true. Julie Peltz Yeah. Julie Peltz Whereas with my husband now, Michael is a strong Christian man. He's wonderful. Pete Slauson Sure. Julie Peltz Yeah. It makes it nice. Makes it really nice.

Pete You know, you need a masculine man to lead, you need an understanding woman's, you know, her nature, her insecurities, and you know, you've got to show up stronger. And it sounds like he's really good at that. He's really good at, you know, recognizing, you know, things where he can, he needs to provide security and reassurance and stuff like that. And sometimes that's, you know, guys don't really get that. Sounds like he's quite mature and congratulations. What do you hope people come away with when they read your book? What do you hope they maybe get? Mary F. Kennedy

I hope that they realize that the true walk, no matter what it is, whether it's a divorce, it's health issues, finances, that if you're leaning on God, if you're trusting that everything's going to be all right, you'll be all right. And I've had many, many really fond, wonderful feedback from people who've read the book, even those that I didn't know. I've had a couple of writing letters and say, oh my gosh, this is the best book. I had one friend tell me that she laughed. She cried. She laughed. She cried. She goes, I have no idea. You went all through that. And, and that, you know, that's a testament of you role model your life.

And that's what my sons found is that I role modeled my life of what I want them to do. Now, do they do everything they're supposed to know, but I didn't either. So that's just being human. You know, it's just like my my younger son played baseball for Fresno State. And you know, a lot of the young kids were getting the tattoos back then in the 90s. And I said, I will skin you alive if you get a tattoo. Then we go through the divorce and I go to Phoenix to see my other son and they're on the phone talking and all and when I come home, my younger son goes, his name is Josh and when Josh came to pick me up, he had the just cheesy grin on his face and I'm going,

oh Lord, I don't know if I can take any more bad news. And I said, okay, just tell it to me. Let me know what you're thinking. And, and it kind of turns to the side so I can see his arm and I like, do that again. And he has a tattoo on his arm. And I went, aren't you glad your mom's going through a divorce because I'd be a rabing lunatic right now. And he kind of laughed and I go Okay, turn to the side again. Let me see what it is. And what he had done, and he told me my other son, Jeremy, was doing the same thing as I

left Phoenix, but they put the Japanese symbol of honor on their arms so that they would never be a man without honor like their dad. That's cool. Wow. That's powerful. You've got a good set of sons there. I do. I have a remarkable voice.

Yeah. My mom's are great. Without a mom, I wouldn't be here. None of us would be. Yes. But that just shows the power of divorce because they were young people. They were young men at that time. And they were devastated by this, you know,

they had no idea. So divorce, whether you're little kids or big ones, it still is devastating to them. Yeah, it's, I mean, it causes generational trauma, especially when they're young. I was lucky my parents stayed together and they were two people that shouldn't have ever been married. But you know, it was the sixties and you know, I don't know, they didn't have dating apps or something. I don't know what their excuse was, but you know,

they just weren't a fit, but they stuck it out with us. And I remember when my mom called us after we'd all left the home by then. And she goes, yeah, me and your dad, we finally decided to, you know, get that divorce. And we're like, like cool glad you guys finally could get on board with what we've known for 30 years Yeah, but you know they they did it for us and God bless them. I know it was tough on them I know it was rough, but but I didn't have to grow up being that divorce kid at school It's it really changed in the world I remember when I was young, the divorced lady on the block was the oddball, weird one. You know, the lady in house five, you know,

that sort of shit going on. And nowadays it's kind of the opposite. Who are those weirdos who are still married on block five? Everybody hears divorce. What's going on over there? Is there some cult or something? We don't know. Exactly. You know, that's the truth. And that was probably one of the most difficult, the humiliation of being left for another woman. But also being divorced, being that 50 percent, the side that I never thought I'd find myself on. And I thought if you have to be a sister of Christ with a group, I guess being a divorced group is a good one to be in. You know, it's okay.

Pete Slauson Jesus and God standing by your side, so you got that going for you. Marybeth Oh, absolutely. Pete Slauson A piece of paper from the city hall. But you know, I mean, you did get 30 good years out of it, or 30 years out of it. I mean, it's kind of funny how people look at that and be like, that was a complete failure. But you know, you have some beautiful sons it sounds like and maybe some good experiences, I don't know.

You know, it's kind of interesting. I give counsel to a lot of women who get divorced after 20, 25 years, 27 years. But I think it is hard because marriage is kind of an identity and it's kind of a vehicle. And so when people get divorced, they have all these dreams of dying with this person, retiring with this person, spending their later years with this person. You kind of have that whole, I got my person packed away sort of thing. It's not like at Norton Fight Club. I had that whole home life down. I had that section of my life taken care of and then all of a sudden it was gone and you're like, there goes that.

But yeah, it's pretty interesting. Now, one thing you talk about, I think in your book and my notes here that I have, is you talk about how being grateful and having an attitude of gratitude. Tell us why that's important. It is important because otherwise you wallow in self pity. We are given an opportunity every day. We have two choices. We can make it a good day or we can make it a bad day. And why would we choose to make it a bad day?

We need to be grateful for what we have. We need to be kind and understanding. And even though I'm walking through the stages of grief, I always knew I needed to be kind. I needed to be understanding and to be grateful for what's around me or who's around me. I mean, I had a job. I had a great job. I had a nice townhouse to live in. I have a good car. I have two amazing sons.

None of us are dying of cancer. There were so many things to be grateful for. My brother Tom and his wife, Bev, lived in Texas. They called me every night for I don't know how many months. Bless their hearts. Every night they listened to me wallow in pain, but they never gave up on me. And those are the things that you can't get back and you can't put a price on. They're

amazing. And so grateful, yes. God just did a thing for me that I had no, I did not know I had it in me to be so strong. Matter of fact, at one point after it was all said and done, I thanked my ex-husband. I said, I thank you for what you did. I said, I don't thank you for how you did it, but I thank you for who I am now because I am a strong woman. I was strong before, but I leaned on him and I'm a strong woman and God has a plan. He has a plan for each one of us and you can't do it if you're wallowing in self-pity.

Pete Slauson Yeah. And gratitude is so important. I have a thing on my calendar. I think I started this during COVID, if I recall rightly, and I started at Gratitude Sunday. I think one of my gal pal friends, we talked about it, I think she was in my writing group for the book but somebody had fed me the idea of having a day where you celebrate and you just kind of Have a peaceful meditative day and you'd be grateful for what you have So I have this thing called every Sunday. I'm looking my calendar here gratitude for gratefulness and archives every Sunday and It's a day where I just kind of ponder throughout the day, things that I should be grateful. I try and spend time with my little dog family and my

mom. And I try and, you know, just focus on maybe the relationships in my life and give some thought to just, you know, hey, you got some, what do you have? And I didn't think it came out of COVID, because COVID we had all these events that we would do at like the consumer electronics shows and all these different events that we do all year long that we'd appear and interview CEOs of the podcast. And we made a lot of money doing it, let's put it that way.

And during COVID, we watched that money just evaporate, five years of building the clientele and the reputation. I mean, we had that down to well of the machine after five years. And then to watch it all just burn, evaporate as events got shut down over COVID, we were lost. And I remember one of my friends, I was getting pretty lost too. And one of my friends, cause for me it was like 2008 all over again. I lost a lot of companies over at 2008.

And then I had to restart and I'm like, Jesus, I gotta do this again? This is getting old and they're getting too old for this to restart every time. And I remember a friend of mine, he wrote on Facebook, he said, there's two things you do right now. You either be a lifter or you find a lifter and that's what you do. I remember looking at that going, I'm not a good follower of other people. I'm more of a lifter type leader person, but I really don't feel like leading right now.

I sat down, I said, what do I have? What do I have that I should be grateful for right now? And that really changed your perspective and it changed my perspective. And I thought, okay, I can be a lifter, I can be a leader. I have a podcast, it's 10 years old, but it just talks about Silicon Valley crap and technology and like right now in the world where any of your friends or loved ones can die and you don't get to attend their funeral or you don't get to attend their, you know, hold their hand in a hospital, it's pretty messed up. And so I'm going to try and lead and I'm going to try and be a lifter.

And then we changed the format of the show to where it wasn't just Silicon Valley crap and talking about life. I was like, who cares in the world we're living in in that moment? And so we opened up the show's aperture to take on authors like yourself and talk about everything. Everything that was important in life, to collect stories and share people's cathartic moments and how they overcame them, share the blueprints so people can live their life better. And I fell in love with my show like I've never fell in love with anything I've ever done before. I enjoy people like yourself who come on and share their moments.

And it's not easy sometimes talking about these things, Sharon, things that happened to you that sometimes people feel a little bit of shame or embarrassment, but boy, they sure help other people in sharing those stories and uplift other people. And it's just been the greatest calling I could have done. And it came out of that gratefulness. It really did. And now I just focused. Denise R. McNeese Yeah. And that's the joy of it. I mean, because you have that inner joy. It was just like you're saying, you love your show more now than you ever did. And that's true joy of being on the path God wanted you on, doing what needed to be done to change your viewpoint, the mindset, whatever it was. But you went, you know what, I am a lifter,

so let me go and lift out and give a handout to others and share the joy. And I know I started blogging way before, matter of fact, my girlfriend, Nancy, is the one. And I know I started blogging way before I did. Matter of fact, my girlfriend, Nancy, is the one that said, cause I said, I think I need to write a book. And I said, but I'm not quite sure. And she'll start blogging, start small. I didn't know what a blog was. I go, what's a blog?

And so she told me I went into it. So I started blogging. And one of the things that I was looking through my papers before we went on today, and I wrote down an equation from one of my blogs. My blog is, it's called Blessing and Opportunities. And the equation I came up with was LOB equals LOS. And what it means, lack of belief equals lack of success. And so, if you don't have the gratitude and the resilience and the self-confidence to go forward and do what you need to do. How do you

know if you're on God's path? How do you know you're doing what God has laid out for you? Because we don't take a straight walk through life. We curve from all our do's and don'ts and missteps and nobody's on a straight road. You know, Jesus was on a straight road. The rest of us are curving. And so, you know, that's what I came up with. If you have a lack of belief, you're going to have lack of success because if you don't have gratitude of what the skills and talents God gave you, how can you be who you need to be? Pete Yeah. I was laughing because I'm thinking about the curse I've had through life. Julie Oh, yeah. Well, for sure.

Pete And we all go through them. But you know, any, I, it's, I've kind of learned this process that anytime I'm in a crisis situation and a, you know, that's pretty severe and usually it's about usually about money for me, you know, you know, being concerned about business or whatever the case may be. And I don't give a shit about anything else really, I guess, but don't know. But money, gotta make sure we have the money. I always fall back to gratitude. I go, okay, let's take a breath here. Just calm ourselves, get a little meditation maybe.

And what do we have to be grateful for? And there's so many people that get lost in the manic and the chaos and they lose themselves. Sometimes they take their lives because they get caught up in that particular loss. You know, like I could have, I could have maybe started drinking or taking drugs back when, you know, COVID happened or 2008 when I lost my companies. There were all sorts of times where I could have quit and many people do sadly.

But the fact that, you know, people like you come on and other folks come on and share their journeys, share what I call the blueprints to survive these cathartic moments, moments to rise from the ashes like a phoenix, they give other people a vision to, hey, there is a way out. And sometimes having that humbleness to humble yourself and go, what do I have? And sometimes having that humbleness to humble yourself and go, what do I have? You know, I used to, I think I've joked about this on the show before, but I used to sometimes get depressed and I would have, you know, I had three major companies I was running hundreds of employees, all this stuff, multiple states, multiple houses, cars, BMWs, you know, all this life.

And, and I would, sometimes I would just feel persecuted and persecuted and just abused by some of the things that would happen when you're at that scale. And so, anytime I would get depressed, I'd go watch the show Cops, the TV show Cops, or the TV show Cheaters was also kind of my girlfriends and I would like that. But I go watch Cops and I live a pretty clean legal life. I kind of have a thing where I don't want to ever go to jail. It's kind of my thing, you know, doesn't sound like fun. Not really into any guys getting behind me and not sure what that means. But you know, I just, I like being able to do whatever I want. So I'm going to be on the good side of things just to make sure that happens. And so I'd watch the show Cops.

And you know, after two hours watching people really who make a lot of mistakes in life, sadly, I would kind of feel good about myself. I'd be like, you know, come to think of it. I'm, you know, I'm not getting pulled over. I don't have a meth problem. I'm not in a trailer home and I'm getting zapped by taser by police officers for trying to fight them. I'm not going to prison. You know, I'm not doing too bad. You know, it's sad I have to look at other people's car crash and go, at least it's not me. But, but no, that would kind of help me out. And sometimes we just maybe we don't need to watch cops, but you know, that humbling of where we kind of sit with the moment.

And now I've, I've learned to do an inventory. So I do an inventory. I go, what, what do I have? Just like I said, with the podcast, I was like, what do I have? I have a voice, I have a podcast, I have massive influence. We built over 10 years and it was a bit of risk change in the format of the show, but it is the Chris Voss show. So I made it easy just to go people like but it is the Chris Voss show. So I made it easy just to go.

People are like, what is the Chris Voss show? Whatever the hell Chris Voss wants to talk about over 16 years, because it's changed a couple of times. But no, having that sitting down and doing that inventory. So I would advise people, and I think you're in consensus with me that if you're going through those cathartic moments, those dark moments where everything seems lost, sit down and go, what are my assets? What do I have? And how valuable are they? And you'd be surprised that you probably have way more value than what it is. And then to get to the other side, like you did, you found

a better place in your life, you found a better experience. And I thought it was interesting, you went back and thanked your ex and said, you know, thanks for being a jerk. I mean, I'm putting words in your mouth, of course, but. I didn't quite say that, but my husband now, Michael says, you know, your ex husband's my best friend because he was so stupid. I wouldn't be married to you if he hadn't been such a jerk. Send him a Christmas card every year then. Thanks for being a jerk. Wait, all my girlfriends send me the same thing.

Linda Lundgren But that's what it's all about. And it's really not about stuff. You know, you can lose everything and people have lost everything, but it's your foundation. What makes you you? And for me, God makes me me. And knowing that Jesus died for us so that we can make it to the other earth when He comes back at some point in generations to come. But yeah, that's what it's not stuff that makes us joyful. You know, happiness is fleeting, joy is in our soul. That's what it's all about Stuff is fleeting too Absolutely. Yeah, I've been through identity things where you you lose most everything and you're like if I can keep the watch the gold Watch if I can keep the one BMW, you know, you you play this same bargain sort of game with yourself

Sure, you know you can survive it but so much that is tied to identity and the same thing with divorce you know divorce is an identity you have a I'm a married person and I don't need it I've got that whole thing in the bag but then it's gone yeah and that's true because in my book I I actually say I I feel like I'm hemorrhaging I've lost half of me and you do after 30 years of marriage I've lost half of me. And you do after 30 years of marriage, you've lost half of, you know, even women whose spouse has died, you go through that grieving process as I'm just not whole anymore. And so you bet it's quite a, it's quite a walk to build other happiness. Plus, you know, if you do get fully divorced, you usually lose half. So

Plus, you know, if you do get fully divorced, you usually lose half. So divorce comedy, divorce comedy. As final thoughts, as we go out, anything we need to, we need to talk about or tease out on people and any new books, maybe you're working on our stories. I actually, I have two that I've sat with for quite a while. Well, I sat with this one for quite a while too. However, one of them is the blogs that I have written and the other one I started, oh my goodness, decades ago, maybe in the 80s. And it's all about parenting, but parenting with a Christian, obviously, a Christian talk on it, you know, a Christian way of life and how you raise your children, what you do. And I just, it's there and things have now changed

from the eighties to where we're at now. And so it would have to be a total redone, but I'm seriously thinking of doing that. And yeah, there's lots of things. I would love to be able to, because I do enjoy visiting and talking, I would love to do what you do. I would love to get out and do more speaking engagements. I would like to get out and do that. And of course,

if God's willing, I would love to sell more books, you know? Pete There you go. Ruthie The nice thing about writing a book is the first time's the hardest one. Because it's hard for everybody. That's why most people don't do it. It's difficult. It's difficult to stick it out. I remember even in editing, I was ready to jump off a cliff. I would call my friends at one point, I'm like, I'm just going to set this thing on fire.

I think I've gone full Jack Nicholson and the Shining. I don't even know what I'm typing anymore. I'm just typing, probably all work and no plays, Jack it all, boy. I was waiting for someone to find a manuscript go The editing was driving me crazy too because the editor would come back and I had a great editor and she would go Yeah, these 50,000 words have cut it down to five words We're gonna keep and I threw the rest of the trash get writing. So it was I joke about it some but it felt that that way. Cause you're just like, you're just like, wait, the first person is reading this. It's not good enough, but I do have a bad habit of putting the commas in all the wrong

places and in fact, I don't even use commas. So that's probably, I'm glad you're not my student. Yeah. I'd probably get a, yeah. My mom's an English teacher too, or she teaches. Oh, wow. So yeah, she, she, I wonder if she didn't wrap me on there. That's, so that was a good thing to have a, have a dealio there, someone to review. There you go.

You should have some DA there that helps you write, yes. You know what helped me write was I, I get through that last part was I complained to two authors. I think I had one on the show and she'd written a lot of books. And she told me about how she was at a book signing. She didn't really thought much about it. And she was at a book signing and this gal came up and said, Hey, I wanted to let you know, thanks for writing your books. And I can't remember if there were novels. I think there were novels or maybe they were feel good books, you know, uplifting motivational

stuff. And she says, I don't know if you know this, but you helped me get out of jail. And there's, back in my prison I was in, there's a whole women's group there that we sit down and on an often basis and we read your books and we try and make plans to be better people and get out of jail and come back. And she was just moved. She was blown away and she's since gone to that prison but when she writes now she keeps a picture of that young lady in her orange jumpsuit and she knows kind of who she's writing for and that's the weird thing about you know sharing this sort of stuff you never knew whose life

you're gonna change sometimes you'll never hear about it sometimes people come up to years later and be like hey you know that one story that changed my life man thank you and you're just like, you know that one story that changed my life, man. Thank you. And you're just like, wow, I made that story up. No, I'm just kidding. No, that's, that's what's really joyful about it is getting out there and being able to do that.

Yeah. Yeah. And make the world a better place when you leave it. So give us your final pitch out as we go out your.com is where can people find you on the interweb? Yes, absolutely. It's newlifeinjoy.com. So it's I-N, enjoy.

And it's on Facebook and it's on my app. Yes, absolutely. And you can get the books at Amazon. You can order it from Barnes and Nobles. Or if you get ahold of me, I'll just give you one. Oh, hey, I'm doing that. There you go. I'm going to put it on the internet.

I'm going to put it on the internet. I'm going to put it on the internet. I'm going to put it on the internet. I'm going to put it on the internet. I'm going to put it on the internet. I'm going to put it on the internet. I'm going to put it on the internet. I'm going to put it on the internet.

I'm going to put it on the internet. I'm going to put it on the internet. I'm going to put it on the internet. I'm going to put it on the internet. I'm going to from Barnes and Nobles. If you get a hold of me, I'll just give you one. Oh, hey, I'm doing that. I'm going to drive out there. I'm in Utah, Vegas. Where are you at? We're in Fresno, California. Oh, okay. Fresno, yeah.

My grandmother and her husband used to live in Fresno and then they moved to Hemet, California. All right. Yes. Back in the day. So I remember driving up there from LA as a kid, but that's a long way to go for 20 bucks. I might spend that in gas. So I'll just buy it on Amazon and recommend that I'll make people here do.

You know, it's 6.35 for the paperback. Might be cheaper than the gas going to Fresno these days. But yeah, the gas in California is ridiculous for sure. And actually we're going into the hundred degree weather stuff. So you don't want to go to California. Yeah. Fresno is kind of up in that desert. I mean, the whole thing's a desert there, but it's kind of up. Yeah. We're in the San Joaquin Valley. We're in the middle of the state where all the agriculture is. Yeah. Yeah. And probably is steak cheaper there?

Cause I know there's a lot of steak places. I think In-N-Out has their big steak, their burger farm, their burger farm, their California for burgers or something like that. I just know it's expensive to live in California. Yes. I just have this vision of burgers just walking around a field. We have a lot of dairies, maybe it's the milk. Pete Yeah, maybe it's the milk. So, thank you very much for coming to the show. We really

appreciate it. Thanks for sharing your wonderful story and enlightening people and making lives brighter, Cynthia. Thank you. Cynthia S. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Pete Thank you. And thanks, everyone, for tuning in. Order up a book where refined books are sold, shattered to mosaic, all the while trusting God and walking with Jesus. No matter what you believe, you know, these stories of gratefulness and trusting yourself and finding maybe something in the world bigger than yourself, you know, that you can believe

in, you know, it's a journey that you can go through because, I don't know, man, sometimes we get lost in this world and we got we gotta have something we can hook on to Thanks for my ass for tuning in go to good reads calm fortress Chris Foss linkedin.com fortress Chris Foss Chris Foss one on the tick tock any else crazy place in it You do each other stay safe. We'll see you next time great discuss