The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – The Power of Mindset: 14 Life Changing Principles on How to Achieve True Happiness and Success by Hayk Tadevosyan

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

The Power of Mindset: 14 Life Changing Principles on How to Achieve True Happiness and Success by Hayk Tadevosyan https://amzn.to/3RF0iNG Haykt.org Do you feel empty and lost inside, even though you should feel happy? We've been taught to chase an illusion of success and happiness that ends up leaving us numb, lonely and empty inside, without knowing what to do about it....until now! Hear me out. By the time I reached my late twenties, I'd already achieved great financial success, however I felt like a failure and empty inside, even though my financial struggles were over. That's when I challenged the status quo and went through the powerful journey of self discovery that led me to the 4 Factors to a life of true fulfillment and success. Family. Fitness. Friendship. Finances. This was when I truly felt like I was the most successful man on earth, and you can too. The Power of Mindset brings together all the pieces of the puzzle, that most people spend a lifetime looking for, distilled into 14 principles on how to live a fulfilled and happy life without feeling empty and numb. Among the 14 Principles, You will Learn: How to use the F4 Formula - The Four Factors of True Success to gain happiness How to Improve Your Focus and Improve Your Relationships How to Set S.M.A.R.T. Goals to Achieve Your Desired Result. How To Attract the Right People into Your Life How to Face your Fear ...and much more

You wanted the best. You've got the best podcast. The hottest podcast in the world. The Chris Voss Show. The preeminent podcast with guests so smart you may experience serious brain bleed. The CEOs, authors, thought leaders, visionaries, and motivators. Get ready. Get ready. Strap yourself in. Keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times, because you're about to go on a monster education roller coaster with your brain. Now, here's your host, Chris Voss. Hi, folks. It's Bob.

I'm here from thechrisvossshow.com. There you go. Welcome to the Big Show, my family and friends. As always, we appreciate you guys being here. Thanks for tuning in and being part to the Big Show, my family and friends. As always, we appreciate you guys being here. Thanks for tuning in and being part of the Big Show. We certainly appreciate it. As always, the Chris Voss Show is the family that loves you but doesn't judge you, at least not as harshly as your mother-in-law because, you know,

she kind of had a crush on you before you met her daughter. And that seems like a strange thing to have to work out so enjoy your christmas holidays made that one up uh as always you're bringing the smartest people on the show the people who have lived interesting lifetimes who've done interesting things uh you know other than yourselves and uh basically they have the stories the stories they do we call the owner's manual to life, the CEOs, the billionaires, the White House presidential advisors, the Pulitzer Prize winners, the authors of all different books from novels to fiction to nonfiction. You name it, we've had them on the show or they're going to come on the show eventually. So I hope you're all waiting.

We have an amazing gentleman on the show and we're going to be talking about his amazing book called The Power of Mindset. 14 Life-Changing Principles on How to Achieve True Happiness and Success. Today we have Haik Tadevosian on. Did I get it right? Nice. That was very close. Good. I'll take it. Why don't you give me the version that should be?

Just Haik Tare Vocian. There you go. You say it so much better than I. It sounds so much more beautiful coming from you. I'm an old man looking at these letters going, what did I write? So thank you very much, Haik, for coming to the show. We really appreciate it. Give us your.com so people can find you on the interwebs.

First of all, I appreciate you having me on the show, Chris really appreciate it. Give us your.com so people can find you on the interwebs. First of all, appreciate you having me on the show, Chris. It means a lot. It means a lot. As far as.com, I just have a website where I help you promote the book

a little bit. It's at hiketaykt, initial of my last name, .org, O-R-G. But mainly, I use the book

most of the sales and most of the way people grab the copy of the content is on just Amazon. There you go. So give us a 30,000 overview of what's inside the book. 30,000 overview. You can do an interview of the overview too. Yeah. So essentially it's my American dream story. Why my dad just sacrificed everything, left everything back home in my home country, Armenia,

brought me here. We left my younger brother, older sister, and my mom behind for what we thought might be, you know, maybe six months to a year separation. That's kind of what we hear. You know, you live in a country that is struggling financially. You go to America where Hollywood makes it seem like you just come here and become overnight millionaire.

You go there and, you know, bring rest of the family. Everything is good. In reality, we learned that's not how the American dream works. It doesn't talk about how much you have to work, what mentorship is, what waking up early is, what overworking most people that you know is. Learn that and seven-year separation from my family. Little boy me at age 13 was pulled away from mom, brother, sister. So I learned a lot of lessons, learned what not to do, what to do, and maybe childhood trauma, which got me to a point in my life where I'm like, you know what? I would love to write a story about these experiences because I think there's a,

because you might agree with the statement, villains and superheroes have an origin story, very similar. One of them says, man, this hurt. I'm going to make sure the world feels my pain to become a villain. And then the superhero goes, wow, that hurt. Whatever that trauma was. I'm going to make sure nobody feels this pain. I think at a certain point in my life, I had to make a decision. I want to make sure nobody feels this pain. So I took those lessons.

I learned to get Americanized. I stopped getting in trouble and getting in fights and arguments. And I realized I just need to be a good human being. I need to work hard. And then a bunch of lessons later, it was less about the book, more about can I become somebody worthy to write about? And for years, the answer was no. Broken kid with broken background, poor, homeless, you name it. I would eat my breakfast in middle school, bring my lunch to my dad to make sure he's fed.

Turn into pit bull-like grip on business. I built one of the most successful insurance businesses in the country. I have an amazing team. I've trained people to go from no sales background to some of the best salespeople there are. I took those lessons into sports, and I went from not being able to run to Boston Marathon to qualifying for nationals and triathlon. And a lot of those things I started thinking to myself, I'm like, am I worthy to write now? And I think when the answer came to me years and years and years later, I wrote and it turned into 14 principles of what I really think this American dream of what success is. And I just wrote it through my eyes and through my lessons. And it's been helping me inspire and push and push the youth to the next level.

And I've been helping a lot of business owners because of the content. There you go. And you were able to break through the next level and then share the success and help other people find what you took and did. Now, let's get into your bio a little bit. Your family left Armenia at only 13 years of age with your father and a few hundred bucks in their pockets. And you couldn't bring the entire family. So your mother, your sister, and your brother had to stay behind. And, you know, a seven-year separation from your family, that's kind of hard for a young man to lose access to his mother and stuff. What was that like?

It definitely is some kind of a post-traumatic stress disorder, Chris, to be honest. And like I said, I can't dwell on the issues. And I've seen people with bad pasts, and you did too, and most of us have. And the problem is a lot of people tend to fixate on those issues. As in, we all have a story, and we have a choice of what to do with it. We can either use it as like water that puts out the flame and we just going back and saying I'm unlucky. I was dealt the bad hand. It was just bad. It was negative.

And I know these people. And unfortunately, big population are like that. And they're very reasonable and they have a legitimate reason to believe why that's difficult. And yeah, it was. I cried myself to sleep many nights chris i was a social reject i remember when i came to america i stuck up like a sore thumb i didn't speak english first of all you stand out and i went to a school where i'm like the only kid who doesn't speak english there was no english second language where i started going to school in gig harbor washington i remember those days and it was embarrassing enough that kids were picking on me.

I was dressing different. I looked different. I was offended easily. I come from the very hood side of Armenia, Yerevan, where people look at you the wrong way. You have to ask them, what are you looking at? And they better have a good reason or it's a fight. That's like the Compton of Armenia.

Every day there was a fight. I mean, you grew up, but that was a reality. That was every day. There was a fight. I mean, you, you grew up, but that's not like, that was a reality. That's how everything was. You know, you can't bump into somebody without having a conversation and apologizing. They don't apologize. And they have teach them a lesson. If,

if you get beat up, you know, you're bringing your crew and it's, it was, it was hardcore. And I'm coming to America with this mentality. Yeah. I was like,

I was a tough kid from a rough neighborhood, but I was also mommy's boy. I had a very loving, caring, you know, she would pet me to sleep at 12, 13, like for most of my life. And now I'm here with my military dad, who's like, don't make excuses, work hard. What do you mean you don't know? Read this letter, translate this bill. I'm like, dad, I kind of speak English. It's been a year and a half.

I can't read a legal document for you. And we get mad at me. You wouldn't understand. But I was also very blessed to have a very strong dad that kept me together because crying myself to sleep, I quickly realized that lesson. And this is a quote I'm sure you've heard thrown around on your show, and it's thrown around everywhere nowadays. It's like, no one cares, work harder. In reality, I realized nobody gave a crap about me crying myself to sleep

as a 15-year-old kid who misses his mom. And this was back in the day where there was no like skype video i wouldn't once a week we could barely afford to call armenia and hear my mom's voice yeah it's true and again i can victimize but i can also say i got lucky i was pulled into this aggressive country where you have to really work like no one cares about your feelings nobody wants to help you you got to figure out it on your own who cares about your feelings i love it and i developed a quick this like almost like nobody's here to save me yeah my dad's he's out working construction i'm kind of going to school getting in fights getting in trouble dealing with the

stress in a really wrong way and um i don't know i think it's just my mom's prayers and god that kind of kept me together and i learned how to work harder than most. And I think that, that, uh, unrealistic view on life got me unrealistic results in my life where, yeah, I had gained weight at one point. I was like 260 pounds. I was negative. I was broke. And then I'm like, you know, enough is enough. And that's when I started coming into difficult things.

And I realized facing difficulty was the answer. It wasn't avoiding it and complaining about it. So I use that story as I'm glad it happened. It gave me a PhD, which I call it. It's my, my, not a PhD, isn't like a degree, isn't poor, hungry, desperate degree from the school of hard knocks. And I had seven years of that. So I'm blessed to have it.

Now I can teach people the lessons from those, from those difficult years. The PhD, poor, hungry, and and it was last one desperate yeah and and so it's such an interesting wonderful story um that you tell in overcoming and triumphing through this and having the perspective that that you know you this thing shaped you and made you a better person um you guys as as you're you and your father you guys slept on roll-up mattresses and couches and rooming homes uh you went hungry uh you developed unusual fear of new places already relocating during the childhood years you're moving from city to city state to state um you know you don't have your mom who's you know moms are kind of they're nurturers so they they tend to give you love and dad's a little bit more, you know,

he teaches about life and life isn't fair and working hard. So you, you know, without that balance, you're kind of stuck. And then, uh, you know, even in Armenia, you guys didn't have running water, electricity, often going hungry as well. So, um, what was, you, you mentioned something there that you found, I don't know if the word was discipline. I think it started with a D, but you kind of found what your drive was

or how to really start utilizing what you had to do something. When was it you hit that moment or do you recognize a certain moment when you broke through? I think when, maybe it's the opposite of what I'm trying to do to my kids, Chris, but in reality, I think the biggest disability is when you start helping too much, right? As in there's a point I had to realize I don't have help, right? There's a point I had to realize nobody's going to make money for me. Nobody's going to give me money. There's people who want to genuinely help, but they've got their own problems. And I had to think to myself, well, what's my problem?

And I had this big hole in my heart thinking money. So when you have a kid who goes hungry and when you have a kid who goes to his dad to construction jobs at age 14 to work 12, 14-hour day shifts cleaning crap just to get extra $100 so I can send the money back home. So my family is bread. I have a, I've developed a huge hole in my heart thinking, man, it's hard. It's really hard to make money. You don't speak English. We had no status. And I remember we had a temporary visa, which expired. We were here illegally for a little while. And I remember we were like, you know, drive around and we see like homeless people on sides of the roads. And I'm, my father and I conversation was, do you think that guy has a green card? I'm like, probably. I mean, I think he's American.

Maybe he's even a citizen. And my dad couldn't really fathom the idea. Why is he on the streets when he has an authorization to work? He has a work permit. And we're thinking, we just want a work permit to work. We're just doing these cash shops left and right to get something because we have family to feed and imagine like what's going through my mind i'm seeing you're a fully capable person you're able to work why are you making excuses why are you homeless and and i'm like maybe the guy is disabled maybe something else and then later i came to

learn that most people are homeless due to choice it's like they don't want to work they'd rather do drugs and stay on the streets then go get a job what a thing to be you know have you looking at you're looking at like wait we would kill to be you know have you looking at you're looking at like wait we would kill to be in this position where we'd have a green card and be a citizen and be you know legal to work and here are these people just throwing it away or you know i don't i don't want to i don't want to be dismissive of that there's there's some people on the streets that do have a serious mental illness. I agree 100%. Sadly, the Reagan administration closed a lot of the sanitariums used to help these people and programs.

And there are disabled vets that have PTSD. But there are some people that they've turned to drugs. And, well, sometimes there's a victimization of that after a while. But they turn to drugs or they've made bad choices in their life but there's some people that stay there there's there's lots of people that uh i don't want to say all of them but there's lots of people that they're offered assistance and they just rather be on the street maybe they like the drugs maybe they like just doing their own thing um But yeah, I can imagine in your head as a child, you're looking at it just going, what is this? In what you probably perceive as this rich, successful country.

And you're trying to square it all in your head. Yeah. No, I think the word I was looking for to summarize it quickly to answer your question, Chris, is gratitude. Like, well, there's a piece that I had to go back and think about what do I have and how can I work with it? And if there's a, you know, superpower isn't like lifting cars and flying, but in reality, I think being grateful for what you're giving. And I also see a lot of my immigrants, we call them fobs, right? Fresh off the boat um come here with a sense of entitlement as in this country supposed to do things for me so there was a piece that i had to realize like no it's up to me the opportunity's here i'm grateful so i'm not going to point fingers um not going to victimize

myself saying mommy was pulled away from me that's you know like he doesn't take any crap like no excuses kind of get it done kind of, which was great for a kid like me was falling apart. When I became grateful and I was able to be okay with the fact of I'm going to outwork everybody, things just started clicking for me. Things got better. Fitness got better. Financial tank got taken care of, you know, friendship tank. And that's kind of turned into the lessons in the book, step by step of what I was able to do. And so then you started just kind of laying down what you needed to get to success and stuff how did you start your own companies

and uh and get down these field and insurance and other things you're in now you know as probably any immigrant that comes here that has no idea what they're doing like we don't come with a business plan it's just like go and wing it right so i'm just Yeah, you're just trying to get here. And you hear the story, Chris, people are like, oh, we came here with no money in our pockets. No, we had a few hundred bucks. A little bit, you know?

I don't know how exactly, but I do know we were very opportunistic because when you're opportunistic, you try everything. Yeah, there's no limit to what you'll try to succeed and float and eat.

And typically, a lot of us end up in construction jobs. And so we naturally gravitated to the thing that we don't need a language for. And a lot of them would pay us cash because we weren't really authorized to work. So that led to another thing. And then I remember through high school years, I was very blessed, very blessed. Because sometimes you have to get lucky to almost meet the right person to tell you the right thing at the right time. And I did. In my high school, my girlfriend's father was in insurance business. And he, to me,

was the definition of American dream. As in they have a house and I was living in a low-income apartment in a studio with my dad who we could barely afford. And he had a house, a couple of nice cars. They seem to be able to afford vacation. So I'm like, why would you spend money, go anywhere, just stay and work? I was trying to fathom the idea why people vacation, but I quickly learned you work hard, you play hard. And to me, I'm like, I would love to do what he does. So as I got to know him, he's like, I'm an insurance business. This whole country is the backbone.

It's built through the insurance and the banking system. If you can get into this business, I love it. It's stable. It's, it's, it's residual. It's, you know, it's recession proof. I'm like, what does that even mean? So he kind of coached me in. And as soon as I turned 18, I was able to get my insurance license to me. It's like, I didn't care. It's like jump how high, not like, Oh yes. I know. Like you tell me I can have what you have in the next five to 10 years of my life done. You show me the way and I'll follow. And I was very lucky

because I think some of the greatest failures, not failing, it's succeeding at the wrong thing. So where I got lucky was I was giving a path to succeed, which turned to be really good for me. And I pulled my brother into the business, a bunch of my friends, my team. And I would say this has been one of the best financial decisions and career decisions I've ever done, although I've done different businesses and different things as well. There you go. And it sounds like, you know, you did what a lot of smart entrepreneurs did or burgeoning entrepreneurs, where, you know, you got a mentorship.

You got, you know, someone to help you and guide you. And then you went for it. Instead of looking at like, well, okay, I got a job. You know, you're like, how can I do the best that I can with this? And then now you've parlayed it into several different ventures and everything else. Tell us where that's gone. You know, sales is one thing, right, Chris?

And in reality, it's not sales. I know real estate professionals. I know venture capitalists. I know people who are in car sales and some own dealerships, some sell cars, some have car lots, you name it. You know, loan officers, entrepreneurs. In reality, the successful ones are not really good at selling that product. They're just good at dealing with people. Right?

So, and I think that's the beauty about sales if you think about it, right? What are, you know, what has gotten America so famous? I think the answer is Hollywood, right? Hollywood has gotten, that's one i think the answer is hollywood right you hollywood has gotten that's one thing that no country can replicate like there's countries who out manufacture the car industry if you look at japan like their cars you know that most of them are here now if you look at you know manufacturing if you look at you know literature you know medicine us is not that great at any of those things. But if you look at their actors and their professional athletes, highest paid in the world.

Right. So, you know, in reality, if I had to think to myself, I'm like, well, I'm not that athletic to be making millions of dollars in sports and I'm not a great actor. So Hollywood is not an option for sure. You know, the next highest paid industry sales and have to I have to dig deeper to think about what is sales? It's dealing with people. Like, can you deal with, and I started studying a lot of these professionals, people who are, again, the real estate salespeople, the insurance salespeople, the car salespeople, the, you know, people that would love to buy and sell businesses. The top one or two percentile had one thing in common. They liked what they did. They were very good at dealing with people.

They were very charming, charismatic. They were good at delivering a message, but they also had a core values like the system. Don't go against man's and God's laws. Don't push the, not to go to jail and those kinds of things. So dealing with people is a blessing because in the type of the business, I mean, I get to meet all kinds of people. We have thousands and thousands of clients, right?

So my team does a good job of guarding my time. So once in a while, they'll set up an appointment or somebody wants to meet all kinds of people we have thousands and thousands of clients right so my my team does a good job of guarding my time so once in a while they'll set up an appointment or somebody wants to meet with me i get to meet all kinds of and as people as i mentioned like bill gates is a couple of miles away from our office so is paul allen so it's like we have a lot of wealth in the area so it's very interesting and people when they see you're good at dealing with people because they start wanting to pull you in they give you ideas they give you mentorship indirect mentorship without even knowing because they start telling you what not to do and what to focus on and how to think and when you start copying the mindset of some of these ultra successful people not the conditions because conditions never come before the mindset their car their house all that stuff is a condition it's the outcome of how they think

so once i start spending more time with people who are good at dealing with people, I realized I have to think like they are. Most of them are doing Ironman and marathons and writing books and they don't bend their rules and they're good husbands and wives. They're good parents and they're good friends. So I really think about like, how can I become a better person so I can have the outcome they have? So as I got better at dealing with people, I started dealing with more people and it gave me more ideas. So have i developed a coaching program i ended up writing the book and a lot of these conditions that most people from the outside was like i want chris's podcast and chris's success but reality every condition chris has is the result of how he thinks and how he

functions in his belief system so start copying his mindset not his things if i drive chris's porsche i'm not going to be like Chris. No, I need to think, what book did Chris read? How forgiving is he? How kind is he? Not very forgiving. Well, we're working on that piece, right?

So that was a piece that was big to me as in if you learn to deal with people, if you're open for opportunities, if you pick up your phone call, even if it's a number you don't know, like welcome information. Trust me, things find to you. You're going to be doing multiple different things and you are going to be an entrepreneur if you have an open mind to learn and deal with people.

There you go. Opportunity meets preparation. Preparation meets opportunity or maybe it's the other one. One of the two. Luck and hard work equal more luck, I guess, or something so uh in the book so you have the coaching program in the book you've got something you talk about the 14 principles uh i don't probably we don't want to go through all of them because people need to buy the book damn it but uh give us an idea of what the 14 principles encompass, I guess. Chris, you wrote a book.

I reached out to some people who wrote books. And when I got to a point in my life, I'm like, I want to write. I think I have a worthy story, but let me see if it is, right? So, you know, a lot of people try to be too smart and too, like, does it make sense? Things don't have to make sense, right? It's like waiting for every star in the moon to align. Okay, now I'll do it. Just do it, right? The only way to know if something doesn't work, give your best and do it. And if you give your best, truly give your best and most people don't. But if you do, you just might have something really good to be

proud of and have stories to share later, right? Isn't that what life is about? And I remember I thought it that way. And this is when I had committed to i business was getting good i remember in my early 20s i got to my first six figures was like yeah you know and then i'm like this is the most disappointing thing ever i'm overworked i'm out of shape i can't even jog a mile like is this the american dream like okay i'm on track the business is growing but i've got no friends i'm single i'm out of shape i'm fat i can't i have no fitness so i remember at the time um this is actually right before I started writing the book, because I thought financial success came into my life. I'm like, let me fix fitness because I'm losing sleep over this. I'm not going to live long being 260 pounds.

So there's a saying, don't ever make any decisions when you're angry or any commitments when you're happy. Or hungry. Or hungry. Or hungry, yeah. Angry. One day I was having a great day, stuck in traffic in my car. I don't know. I just see a sign, rock and roll marathon, and I'm happy. I made a commitment under happy feelings.

I'm like, I'm buying a marathon ticket. Then I went to the website. The marathon was six months away. I'm like, yeah, you know what? I'm in good mood. Buy the ticket. I bought the ticket. Make the commitment.

Next morning, I go to the gym and I get on the treadmill. I'm about to run 20 miles right now. Like a mile and a half, not even two miles in, my left ankle starts hurting. So I get on the elliptical, spend an hour. I get home, my ankle's like twice the size, maybe three. And I realized this is going to hurt. So I

don't know how. I was proud. I can figure this out. I went from nothing. I learned like I was proud. I can figure this out. I, you know, I went from nothing. I learned how to speak English. I was full of myself and businessmen already making, you know, making in this American dream world. Um, it was hard. I didn't read a book. I didn't hire coaching. I didn't like listen to anybody. I just watched a few YouTube videos and I trained. And I remember longest run I did, it was like 10, 12, 13 miles. I get to the marathon and I get to mile 17 which usually they say your body fails around my like 17 through 20 is

like a new feeling you develop because you never really run more than that during training and everything in my body just starts cramping quality hamstring cast I can't bend over I can't lean back every time I move something else cramps and that's the area that marathon organizers know it's very familiar for people that start cramping who haven't trained well like my 80 itself and they're waving at me like come here come to the medical tent i'm like walking like a penguin because i can't bend anything and i get to the medical tent lady's like hey you'll be taking electrolytes i'm like

what is an what is an electrolyte wow dude i'm thinking it's electricity so so they she takes like two tablespoons of salt dumps it in a big uh jar of gatorade it's like drink and then she gives like one and a half of those they massage my legs you know and she's like walk it off i think you'll be okay if you don't there's another medical station in a couple of miles and then legs come back cramps go away it was like the slowest marathon i finish and i remember i felt shit, Chris, I'm like thinking to myself, I just committed to something that like 0.1% of people in this world do. Okay. I did it, but I didn't give my best. I gave my best in the business, which is why we've had set some records of the first couple

of years, but I didn't give my best. And I was lying to myself to say I did. So I hired coaching. I started training better. And I remember lessons of training smarter, not harder, what to do, what not to do, coach, electrolytes. A guy who was doing a six-hour marathon ended up qualifying for Boston Marathon at 210 pounds, which I thought it was impossible. But in reality, if you take the right mentorship like I did in business, you can do the same thing in fitness. Interesting. Less was more. And proper coaching, I spent some money and time. I read more and I just followed advice. And I think a lot of people are too proud. I'll figure this out. No, you won't. Yeah. In 20 years. But if you want to accelerate learning, get a mentor, right? And as I started doing this, I got into triathlons and Ironman and I noticed everything got better

in my life. And I socialized more. I got married, had kids, business went on to like breaking more records, more and more. And things were getting to a point and I'm like, I should write. So I started writing about my lessons in the book, Chris, and I made a mistake. And when I mentioned your book, we all have a thesis, right? And my thesis was, okay, American dream, go to America, make money, sacrifice everything. And after you sacrifice everything, you gain weight, you're out of shape, buy your time back, hire properly, do the following things to delegate.

Delegate 70%, coach at 30, et cetera, et cetera, whatever the lessons I have in the book. After you've delegated properly, you're going to buy your time back. Now you're buying your time back, use the time to get fit. Once you get fit, you get confidence back, you socialize, rebuild your circle of friends.

With friends, you get the relationship, which is the family thing. You get married, you have kids, and voila, there's your dream. And as I wrote this for like two years, I remember I want to throw it in the trash because it started making more sense the more time I spent thinking about, okay, this is my journey. Who the hell am I to tell Chris this is what he needs to do? So I called some of my friends who had PhDs, and they had a a dissertation and I was asking the same question. Can you talk to me about your dissertation? You had a thesis, you wrote about it and you had to defend it, right? Is that how it

works? They're like, yeah. What do I know? I'm a college dropout. And they were educating me about this. And I said, is it normal that you might have something you strongly believe, like you spend years talking about it. You I've proven it, but I don't believe it. They're like, well, what's your thesis? I'm like, well, my thesis is fitness first, excuse me, financial tank first, fitness second, friendship third, family fourth. And they're like, that seems like an interesting thesis. I'm like, well, I disagree. Because if at that time of the year, when I had this hole in my heart thinking I'm so broke, I'm this foreign kid who was homeless, sleeping on the couch, not having food, to me, the financial tank was the biggest monkey on my back.

So I had to address it first at the cost of the other pillars. Why am I telling Chris to go take care of the financial tank when he's worried about his marriage or she's worried about her health or he's worried about his friends? So I had to rewrite the whole book and essentially I changed my thesis to, it is about the four pillars, but you start working on the one that's giving you the biggest monkey on your back. And it's okay because you'll never have a perfect balance. You can rebalance go on and off, on and off. And it's just how it works. Like last two years, I dedicate a lot of time to business because I was building another location, the book project and all these different

things in the consulting gig. And now I'm actually focusing on a sub three hour marathon next year. So guess what? I'm going to work less. I'm going to spend lots of time running. I'm going to drop another 10, 15 pounds and I'm going to go to Boston marathon next year. Like that's, that's the goal. So like it or not, it's imperfect, but that's the monkey on my back. Something in my trauma from childhood is telling me, hi, you got to run a sub three hour marathon next year. And I'm just going to commit to it. Why not? And you know, you sound a little bit like David Goggins. you ever read any david goggins's books with oh i read his book he was the reason why i even committed to the first marathon that dude that dude is uh that dude's a masochist but he's brilliant and he's he's amazing and inspiring have you got him on your show uh i

need to try and get him on the show usually we have to whenever a new book launches we need to get him on when they're doing the tour and if new book launches we need to get them on when they're doing the tour and if we miss that we don't get them on i think most of his books come out unless he puts out something new um but he uh but you know one of the things that's important about what you're talking about those four pillars is you know there's no one thing in life that you got to do like i did the i I made the mistake when I was early on starting our companies of letting my health run down, eating fast foods,

eating crap and just putting on weight and just going, I'll deal with that later. I'm just trying to make the money. I'm just trying to survive and trying to get my business going. Yeah. I let my personal life go to hell and isolate myself, you know, to do the businesses,

which actually wasn't that bad. I didn't need to be chasing girls around during the time that I was trying to build my business. But, you know, pretty much my business became my life. My entrepreneur became my life 24-7 for several years. And so, you know, you can't ignore a lot of these pillars. You know, you've got to take care of your health. You've got to exercise. Like me going back to gym has been one of the best things for me. It's increased my confidence.

It's just made me feel good all over the endorphins and the dopamine and all the different chemicals that it creates when you exercise, especially as a man, because we're designed to be physical beings. That's why we were given upper body strength and extra muscles, you know, we're designed to be, you know, tribal, go hunt, you know, go hunt stuff. Yeah. Biology. And so when we do that, it really activates who we are as men because building muscle does so much more like, and I think for a lot of years, I just looked at it like, oh, you just go to the gym so I can be one of those Arnold Schwarzenegger type jerks.

And it's like, no, it does so much for me. So I like the fact that you put these in different pillars. And yeah, there's no perfect pillar. There's no, you know, it's constantly basically balancing plates, right? You know, you're spinning plates and you've got these plates in front of you that are spinning. You got to go, you know, check in each one and make sure they're all riding right. Yeah, and it's kind of a mess. But I think people try to, especially perfectionists.

I have some perfectionist team members that work for me, and some of them are okay to let go. So I have to learn to manage them better. And one thing I'm also learning, perfection is like the lowest standard we can set ourselves. It's almost like saying, I'm okay to be disappointed all the time. And it's really difficult for that personality type to accept the fact that one day, one of these pillars is going to suffer at the cost of the other one. And my job has been to

train them to let them know, can you release control? When you do, you accept it better. And when you accept things better, there's a really good quote I try to live my life by is to live in fear is to live in the future, to live in regrets, to live in the past, to live happily is being a moment. There you go. I love that saying. Is that yours or did? I don't know. One point I went through like every book you can imagine

just to overcompensate the fact that I didn't get a college degree, but I don't know, maybe. And then what I realized when we're fear-driven thinking about perfectionism, I gotta get all my four pillars working, you know, in equal order or tomorrow and next day. It's like, no, take a year off of that one. Work on the other one. And I realized

when we release the control, we're actually able to be more present. And every single great conversation, Chris, like I'm having with you right now, great conversation. Every single opportunity I've unlocked that I'm proud and I can talk to a story about is, it's not the time when I was like thinking about the fears of future which 90% of crap we're afraid of doesn't happen or reliving the could have, should have, would

have like, okay, move on. What's the lesson. And if I wasn't in the moment, I would have not seen the opportunity and people that tend to be less fear driven and more opportunistic tend to have more opportunities. It's funny how that works, but it's again, perfectionism works against us because now we're always in this fear fight fight or flight mechanism, thinking about how do I not get eaten by the bear from the woods? Because biologically we're built to be afraid of crap. Oh, wow. There you go. And so you put all these principles in your book, shared them.

I love, one of the other things that I loved is you said you didn't go to college. And so you read everything you could. I had the same experience. I was going to go to college. I was set up with a Pell Grant because my parents were poor. And I started my first business accidentally. I didn't even realize what I was doing at the time. But I started my first business and started making, I think back then in the, what was it, the 80s, 18 grand a year, which was still a pretty good bowl of money

for a guy who'd, you know, been living with his parents and didn't really have any debt. And, you know, it seemed like really cool money at the time. And I don't know, what does it translate to in today's world 40 years later or whatever. But I, you know, but I was working for myself. You know, I'd gotten fired from McDonald's for having long hair. And but i was working for myself you know i got fired from mcdonald's for having long hair and uh so i was working for myself i had control of my destiny i thought it was

i thought it was really cool but uh so i canceled the college and i knew that i needed to be educated and so that's what i did too i grabbed my dad's library of business books went through all of his business books went through went, went through everything I could read. I ordered, um, business theory from Harvard business review and read their books. And I basically said, someday I'm going to be a CEO of a major company. I'm going to have, you know, thousands of employees and I'm going to know, you know, how to be a leader and know how to have business systems work and everything else. And so, like you, I didn't go to college, but I prepared myself. And I think that's one of the most important distinctions because I'll meet people that will be like,

hey, you know, I want to be like Chris. He didn't go to college, but still he turned out a success. It's like, no, I got my MBA, mba you know the hard way reading and learning and and doing it and that's that's the real difference um you know i just didn't it just didn't fall my freaking lap i wish it would because that's what i was mentioning like you probably had to work even harder because you know the seven-year school of hard knocks and i got my phd the poor hungry desperate or determined the um degree but i think there's also a danger like don't get me wrong i will never talk down about education it didn't work for me but i'm gonna i'm gonna push everything i can to have both of my boys be doctors right that's i already told them

your college is taken care of you just you just keep working at it you know. But I think there's a danger too because I hire people for a living. I'm a talent seeker. If somebody asks me, my job position always changes depending on what I'm working on. Right now, I'm just seeking talent to hire and plug them into the business. And I've noticed a danger amongst people who think they're really smart because they got a nice degree. As in, I don't have to try as hard as Chris. So you remove effort, like actually trying just because you think you can overcompensate by talent or you sink quick. I have let go of those people fast. And I realized I can pull somebody hungry kid in at 22, still going to college.

But they got a point to prove because they haven't really proven to the world how smart they are. Oh, they prove it through making a lot of money in the business. So I think that effort piece, as long as you can get a degree and still figure out, that's not solving my problems. Still have to go get my licensing. And if you're getting into investment, your security's licensed. You still got to get in front of people. You still got to make cold calls.

You still have to overcome objections. You still have to ask for referrals, serve the community. Your degree does not solve any of those problems. And it's not going to fix your marriage either, right? So you got to be able to be open to keep learning and just because you got a degree and a lot of people think i got my four year or six year whatever i'm done no no that's to teach you the habits to continuously acquire knowledge because when you're done that's when according to even einstein the true time when people realize they're dead is when they stop learning and yeah the more

you know the more you realize how much you don't know. And unfortunately, people stop learning. And that's a big problem in growth, right? In business and in life. Yeah. I like your joke there. It's not going to fix your marriage. You say to your wife, hey, don't divorce me, honey. I got like a Penn State on the wall. I got two MBAs.

You can't leave. Can't leave me? Actually, if you have two MBAs and work that comes from it, she probably won't. So there you go. So tell us about what offerings you do on your website. I know you do coaching. You've got the Power of Mindset course I can see here. Tell us, pitch us out about some of the stuff you have to offer there and how people can onboard with you.

You know, I guess my main goal is to promote the book with this call, Chris. I think there's a strong message to help people and nothing helps me sleep better than when somebody shoots me an email or like a social media thing. Hey, this changed my life. Like that to me, I feel like I have a purpose in life and that helps out a lot. I don't have a general coaching to be honest right now. All of my coaching is built for insurance agents, right? Then it said that, we have a website, it's called 100appteammember.com. And that thing is just built around how do I get a producer to write 100 accounts in one month,

which by the way, typically a successful office on their own do about 100. My average employee does 100 on their own, right? So we, and we have a ton of those doing it. And so I've built a system about how to do it. And, you know, conversation, serving people, asking for referrals, educating, and I have all that stuff on there. So that's the main thing I've been focusing on a lot. But the book has been one thing I've been using in lots of speaking engagements and sharing.

And I just wanted the book to make a difference. And if it goes somewhere else as far as opening up like a general coaching as far as teaching people, you know, marathons and opening up businesses, that's's coming one day but not yet and i've just started a podcast station like you i'm going to do a little bit more interviews i'm going to pull some triathletes some world champs into it and talk to them the way you're talking to me and i would uh i enjoy these conversations a lot there you go man there you go uh so anything further you want to pitch out as we go on nothing i i can think that i want to sell at this point. Sounds good. We've crammed a whole lot of great data, and there's a great –

I mean, you have one of the most amazing stories I think we've ever had in the show. My memory fails me, and we do have three to four shows a day. But I think your story might be one of the most amazing we've ever heard in coming from both PhD, poverty, and hungry, et cetera, et cetera. And I love your perspective on how you said, hey, I can either, you know, I can throw a pity party for myself and cry about it. But gratitude is such a, really changes the mechanism of going through dark, cathartic times.

I've kind of learned uh over my lifetime that when i'm in my depths of despair when i'm at my bottoms um you know there was the 2008 um uh crisis that i lost everything there was the time i lost my business partner to betrayal uh there were uh there the covid covid was kind of one where it was kind of a little bit easier for me because i'd been through those other things but um being able to do gratitude and sometimes in the darkest moments of my life that i've been through or just maybe when i find myself depressed about something something goes wrong or costs a lot of money that, you know, is painful. Sitting down and going, okay, what do I have right now? What are my assets?

What, you know, oh, okay. I lost, you know, several hundred thousand dollars in this thing. What am I at? What do I still have? And okay. Cause whatever you lost, you know, fuck it. It's gone. Don't love it that much.

So you get depressed over it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's gone don't love it that much so you get depressed over it yeah yeah it's like it's not coming back so you might as well just have some acceptance but then you sit and you look at what you have and then you know for me a lot of what i've learned is that i'm the guy and unless you unless you kill me i could probably rebuild whatever you take from me and uh and i might be able to rebuild it and make more which is what i did and uh and so but having that gratitude realigned you and it gives you that perspective you have when you're young where you go where you you go okay how can i turn this into opportunity as opposed to you know tragedy and by doing that you change the whole trajectory of your life and i think that's inspiring that's a that's a great summary chris i appreciate you uh saying

that and you just summarize stoicism in many ways you can take everything away from it but you cannot take who i am and uh you know i don't know much about you uh chris but as i'm learning as i've checked out your content very successful you know you made lots of difference in the world, what you've done. In reality, it wasn't about, oh, Chris got lucky. In reality, you went from failure to failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm and without forgetting who you are. Yeah. Well, there might have been a month or two or a couple of weeks I was upset about about it and found a podcast. You got over it. You didn't stay there. Most people, again, they turn a story into why they're unlucky. And for the next 20 years, when they have a beer with

their friends, they're dwelling on it. And while you're out there making a difference, they're still talking about this. And it frustrates me. And I think that's what I want to maybe at least help people within this book. I like guys just move on take the lesson next there you go well you mentioned something that's important and i never knew it i never really got into stoicism and marcus aurelius until a few years ago when i discovered uh ryan holiday's books and you know i'd heard about him like whatever i don't care but when ryan holiday came along um he really turned me on to it and i always had a lot of those same principles i've always been um uh into logic and reason and uh you know i grew up i grew up in a cult so i saw the madness that was going on there so i've always

been somebody who's been very analytical and looked at things but i just pulled down my my copy here of um marcus aurelius meditations and it actually sits every every day just right off camera here on top of one of the speakers and um and so it's always within eyesight but yes stoicism is so important especially for men to keep them in there because as men we were able to control our emotions or we were supposed to can be able to control our emotions if you if a man lives in his emotional base and his feminine he's going to have problems but stoicism can help you get out of that but as men we're designed to have logic and reason we're designed to know what's going on uh you know emotions are interpretive you can you can have an emotion about an event that's negative you can have emotion that's positive it isn't based in reality um and uh so you know that's one of the most

important things being stoic logic and reason there are ways of building yourself out of your issues so thank you very much hike for coming to the show we really appreciate it give us your dot com so people can find you on the interwebs. Just hiketea.org. And the best way to pick up a copy of the book will be on Amazon for now. There you go. I appreciate you having me on the show. This was a great conversation. Definitely inspiring, my friend. It's such a great story. Folks, order up the book where refined books are sold, The Power of Mindset, 14 Life-Changing Principles on How to Achieve True Happiness and Success,

and lots of great principles therein. Thanks to my audience for tuning in. Go to goodreads.com, 4chesschrisfast, linkedin.com, 4chesschrisfast, youtube.com, 4chesschrisfast. Subscribe to the LinkedIn newsletter and the 133,000 LinkedIn group over there. Go to chrisfast1 tick tock and Chris Voss, Facebook.com. Thanks for tuning in. Be good to each other.

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