The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Thirst: A Novel of Lost Innocence and Redemption by H. W. Terrance

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

Thirst: A Novel of Lost Innocence and Redemption by H. W. Terrance Amazon.com Thirst is a compelling novel that journeys from childhood trauma, through the depths of addiction, and to the arduous path of recovery. With raw and vivid storytelling, it follows the protagonist’s life from turbulent teenage years of substance abuse to the crushing lows of adult self-destruction. A powerful and honest portrayal, Thirst offers hope and inspiration—showing that even in life’s bleakest moments, the light of recovery and triumph can shine through.

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Anyway guys, we have an amazing young man on the podcast, but it is not an endorsement or review of any kind. Anyway, guys, we have an amazing young man on the show. Today we're going to be talking about his new book out August 20th, 2024. It is called The Thirst, a novel of lost innocence and redemption, because everyone loves a redemption story, rice from the ashes, the phoenix as it were, et cetera, et cetera. H.W. Terrence joins us on the show. I'll be referring to him as Terrence through the show, per his request, so don't write me on YouTube. He is a retired businessman who has discovered a passion for writing.

He's a recovered alcoholic and he shares his journey through his first book we've before mentioned. It's a fictional retelling of his life story. With his book, he hopes to inspire and support those struggling with addiction whether to drugs alcohol or sex or by offering a message of recovery and redemption Having found hope through God he is committed to paying it forward using his story to guide others towards healing and a renewed sense of Purpose welcome the show. Mr. Terrence. How are you doing? I'm doing good.

Thanks for having me, Chris. Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. Give us your dot coms or any place on the internet, socials. You want people to look you up and learn more about you. No, actually just the books for sale on Amazon and Barnes and Noble and Kindle. It's called Thirst. And just buy the book and share it with anyone that might be struggling with

addiction or just like a good story of a guy that was lost in life finding his way. Thirst, a compelling novel that journeys from childhood trauma through the depths of addiction to the arduous paths of recovery. Everyone loves recovery. Everyone loves the comeback story, if you will. So give us a 30,000 overview of what's inside the book. Well, it starts off kind of with a quick look at what addictions and then it kind of goes back down to the childhood to figure out who this person is and what might have happened to them along the way that could have led them to addiction.

And so it's a childhood, like many childhoods, full of things that we've been through. what might have happened to them along the way that could have led them to addiction. And so it's a childhood, like many childhoods, full of hope and ambition and with some obviously emotional trauma that comes in most homes. And so the boy is hopefully a character people can identify with and enjoy and get close to. And then as he runs into an adolescence, he turns into addiction, he becomes a lot less lovable obviously, and turns into the hound, which is, you know, the name of his character as the alcoholic, drug addict, hedonistic, self-centered party animal that

kind of goes through life selfishly, just trying to find the next buzz, the next high, has a thirst for life that can't be quenched. And of course that falls into extremism and addiction and drug abuse, alcohol abuse, sex addiction, everything. And as he's, you know, at the depth of despair and hopelessness, he, you know, has a spiritual experience, goes to a treatment center and starts the, you know, the long journey back up to recovery and living a purposeful life and mending the relationships that he's destroyed and finding his true purpose to go forward in life and thrive. And so it's a journey of redemption, but also kind of interwoven in your story.

We talk a lot about trauma on the show, psychological issues and stuff like that. It's the trauma, Chris Foss, the trauma show, mainly because we give people trauma with that intro that we put out, the brain one. Right. Yeah. But you know, a lot of people that suffer from addiction that are in rehab, there's childhood trauma usually at play. And what they're doing is they're sometimes medicating on that trauma.

And you know, and we do a lot of things that medicate in life. If you don't have an addictive personality, I think it's real important to establish, you know, early on in life, figure out if you have an addictive personality, because if you do have an addictive personality, you know, you're probably gonna be more attached to certain things that can get you into problematic issues. You know, I mentioned, we mentioned the green room. I lived in Vegas for 20, 25 years. I've seen what addiction looks like and how it interacts in a day to day life. I've seen people that are so addicted to, well, they just have such a high addictive personality and probably unresolved trauma that I mean their whole life has to be babysit by someone else. Like I've known grown men that have to have their brother get their

paycheck every two weeks and basically manage their money for them because if they get their paycheck they're down at the casino and they've blown two weeks of income in two hours and then they're broke. You know, I've seen a lot of sad cases of that. I'm sure you have too, through your journeys through addiction and the recovery places. So a lot of it, childhood trauma seems to be a big issue, the medication for it. I don't know if you want to speak to some of that or resolving some of that, it's up to you.

Yeah, of course. I mean, the trauma of childhood, I think it happens to all of us. We all get some trauma and I think, you know, I think a lot of it, you know, it's not so much what happens to us, but whether we're loved through it, you know, whether we're coached on life, you know, by loving present parents that, you know, there's times you're going to lose, there's times you're going to fail, but it doesn't mean you're a loser or a failure. And, you know, I think some of the messaging that my generation got a lot of absentee parenting. And so that trauma was left with us to figure out, you know, and try to overcome. And in the book, you know, the character has, you know, has that

And in the book, the character has that dynamic where he's not getting, he's not being abused physically more mentally or verbally, but he's being neglected. And so through his life's experiences, he's left to sort of try to figure them out on his own, whether he's just a failure and, or he doesn't know how to navigate through these events that happen in his life.

That's one of the challenges of dealing with this trauma coming from a childhood. Part of the things that people have in childhood is they don't have the ability to handle these things. We're not adults. We're not fully functioning in our brain, our brains haven't fully developed. You know, some people, they bury their trauma, their brain turns it off and makes them forget about it

because they know they're not equipped to handle it. And then later in life, it hands it to them and goes, I think you're ready for this now, maybe, I don't know. I don't think anyone's really ready for it, but there comes a time where you've gotta reconcile it. But yeah, it shapes your thing. This is something we've talked about on the show. I'm not sure how much we put an accent on it, but the blueprints that you get from childhood

that your parents are giving you in showing you how to have a relationship, how to have masculine and feminine polarity, how relationships work, many times, even if they're not the greatest relationships, being able to see that dynamic between the yin and yang between a man and woman, masculine and feminine, is important because, you know, you can see what goes on and challenges the relationship. But a lot of times we go into our relationships trying to replicate those blueprints from childhood, and a lot of those blueprints weren't meant to work.

That's why they weren't working in the first place. But we still try and reconcile them and you know, there they are. But and no one's, the other point I should want to make is no one's a loser unless they stop trying not to be a loser or I don't know, that sounded bad, didn't it? No one's a loser until they stop trying not to be a loser or, I don't know, that sounded bad, didn't it? No one's a loser until they stop trying. Until they, yeah, until they believe they are one. And then- Chris Voss says you're a loser until you just stay a loser. And no one's really a loser.

It's just maybe you quit. Yeah. Or you didn't know how to fix it. Yeah. You don't know how to fix it. Yeah, you don't know how to fix it. So some people are just maybe in suspension at a point in time, and you're just trying to figure it out. And you know what, people, if you're out there listening to the audience, we're all trying to figure it out. I think you can probably second that, Terrence.

There's nobody on this planet who thinks they know everything. If they do, you've met the one, the 4% of narcissists. So. Yeah. Yeah. And the book addresses that, you know, part of the trauma of that childhood is a desire to overcompensate by overachieving.

So a thirst for life is created where, you know, we go out and try to overcompensate for that low self-esteem or that theme like we don't measure up. And so we're going to really succeed in the world. We're going to really drink a lot, really chase a lot of women, really make a lot of money, really. And all these excesses come in to try and quench that thirst. Really the thirst is being generated from a sense of not being enough.

And a lot of successful people have taken that and turned it into success. And that, I think is the positive way to deal with trauma. And unfortunately, most of us don't figure that out until we've failed a lot and tried easier, softer way of just getting wasted or doing things that feel good to extreme, until we we realize there's a penalty to pay for that.

There's a consequence that isn't so good. And then we have to start trying to figure out a different way to process that trauma into a successful, meaningful life. And in my story and the story of the book, that has to come with trying to get out of selfishness and out of self-centeredness and into looking to who can I help in my life get out of their trouble. And that's the whole solution for the egocentric person, is to get out of themselves and try and help others Yeah, I mean that's that that's kind of where gratitude I think plays in in life and being able to be thankful for what you have be grounded in in

Where you've been and what you've done try and resolve your trauma and your in your things because you're right a lot of what we chase Your life is to try and overcome those obstacles that we found in childhood and maybe things we didn't have in childhood. I went through that, I grew up poor and tried to overcompensate and then couldn't figure out why I was miserable and the people that couldn't get enough of what I was giving away were miserable too because they just wanted more And they didn't really care about me. But you know, you buy love and acceptance and popularity and you think it's going to lead to something positive. And many times it doesn't, you end up unfulfilled. And so you've got to find what will fulfill you and help you. Do you want to talk to us about how you were raised and some of the different ways you went through life and journey that you went through in struggling with your addiction?

Yeah, I was a child of a military family. So we moved every two years. You know, it was hard to establish long-term friendships and intimate friendships. As soon as it was created, it was, you know, you had to move. You know, there's a lot of pain in leaving your, you know what you're used to, your surroundings, your friends, your school, your sports teams, even the culture that you're in, because we move sometimes to other countries and sometimes just other areas that were really different from where we came. So there's a lot of that kind of an adjustment. In my house, I had only one brother, was a lot older than me, so I didn't really have siblings that were my age,

and just raised in a very solitary way. And so I use sports a lot as a way to interact with people because I could perform the sport without talking or having, you'd get relationship through sport. So I use that a lot. So then I developed the dream that I guess sport is the answer. I have to become a professional athlete. And I had dreams of playing in NHL or professional football or baseball. And so that, unfortunately, when that dream didn't happen, I was devastated.

That's in the book where I had failed in a big way at that. And at that point, I didn't have another solution to life. I didn't know how to do anything else. So I turned to being an alcoholic, to drinking and partying and decided to be competitive with that. Pete Slauson Drinking and partying. I think I've done some of that in my younger years.

So I can attest to the attempts at that. So sometimes I think that's masking what we're really trying to do is fix our trauma. And so a lot of times we're tuning it out. Exactly. Exactly. You tune it out with sports, but then when that dream ended, I'm just going to tune everything out, you know, and just get, become numb, comfortably numb.

Become a championship number. Exactly. Exactly. I've seen that movie. Yeah I might still do it every now and then yeah games are my number or Sometimes I like to go out to eat a little too much and I'm like I really should sit home and cook some more But you know this you know it in You know, I'll make the point you never really failed at anything in life.

Like you try shift. Like I, somewhere when I was a teenager, I was looking at the series catalog, JC Penny catalog, we used to get these, you know, back in the day for you, Jen Ziers, the way we shopped was should we get this 10 ton catalog that was like, I don't know, this thick or something. It was bigger than War and Peace and it had pictures and ordering data on anything you could ever want. It was like Amazon only in a phone book basically. And I remember looking at it and having this epiphany that life was like a giant catalog

where you could choose what you wanted to live or the life you wanted to lead or try to lead. And so you didn't have to accept what, you know, maybe your parents were telling you is the way you should live your life. You don't have to accept the way maybe society is choosing your life. It just dawned on me really early that I had a choice. And I was like, well, if I have a choice, then I'm going to choose. And, you know, that's the thing about life. Life is about trying things on and seeing if you like them and then keeping going. It's like a, it's like a, uh, uh, it's like the,

the Walmart dressing room, you know, he tries stuff on and sometimes it doesn't work. You take it back and put it back on the rack. And you know, I mean, I tried being a photographer for what? Five to seven years. And I think I'm, I think I'm a good little hack, but I realized I didn't have any talent for it. I realized I didn't have any love for the editing process. I liked taking the photos and traveling and shooting, but the editing just took all the fun out of it.

And I really wasn't that good of a photographer. I just tried it to see if it would work. So I don't really think that I failed at it. I just discovered tried it to see if it would work. So I don't really think that I failed at it. I just discovered that it wasn't my thing. Tiger Woods golf, that's his thing, right? We all kind of have some different things that we're really good at, but we have to find them. We have to discover them. And the only way to discover them is by experimentation and trying things. Yeah.

Not that I have... It sounds like you grew up poor like I did. So, I mean, when I left home, it was the first decade, we were just trying to get, get enough money to pay rent and eat, you know, so do anything that would, you could make money at basically. Yeah. I mean, you're just, you're just trying to, I mean, most men in their twenties are on the hero's journey. They're trying to figure life out.

They're not handed their value so they have to earn it. And that's the beauty of being a man and the hero's journey. And you know, we have to go through that. But you know, I think you make a great point because early on you were talking about how people see us as failures or judge us as failures or we judge ourselves as failures because not everything works for us. And then sometimes we go into self-destruction modes because of it or do things that are

self-destructive. And you know, sometimes that's for popularity too. I mean, one of the reasons I drink is because, you know, I was going to clubs all the time. I was dating women. I was doing, you know, had lots of friends and would throw huge parties at my house. You know, part of my cope, if you will, was to, was to try and overcome number one, growing up poor, number one, not having all my friends, number two, probably not being popular. I think I said two number ones there. People at home don't write me. On YouTube, they're gonna be

like, whatever people. It's Monday, I can't't count yet I wait till Tuesday and the coffee still kicking in but you know what we've talked about so far today is a blueprint for a lot of people in their lives you know you never think you fail I don't think I failed at being a photographer Cameron it wasn't me it wasn't for me it wasn't but it was you know the adventure was fun I learned lot. I've got some great photos. I've got hundreds of thousands of photos, you know, a lot that I should go back and edit. And frankly, what's kind of funny is editing, AI editing for photos now has really come of age. And so I can hand AI my photo and they'll make it look as beautiful

as I wanted it to without having to do hours of editing. So you never know. Yeah, AI did the cover to this book, to this. Yeah. You just never know. You know, over time, you know, I played piano when I was younger. And then I kind of fell out with it. Same thing with guitar.

I tried to learn guitar. Boy, that was not my thing. I was kind of, you know, I could put out a few good licks that I could invent, but in the end, it just, it didn't speak to my soul as much as I thought it would. And so you got to, you got to go through life and try on these different hats, trying these different clothes and you know, find what works for you. But it doesn't mean you're a loser. Just because I can't be a good photographer doesn't mean I'm a loser. It just, it just means that's not me. So you got to find what's you. Same thing with relationships.

A lot of people around big dating groups and a lot of people think that just because anyone on the planet rejects them for a date or rejects them after a date, that it's the end of the world and they're a horrible person, they're a loser and no one wants them. That's not really true. That's just not your person. And I think age has a lot to do with it, you know. When you hit that wall when you're 13 or 14, it seems like it's forever. You know, and if you've already lived for a decade or two as an adult, then you start to understand that,

yeah, not all things work out. There's another thing waiting for you around the corner. Like you're talking about. Yeah and you know it's and so you know you've and then when you do find your stuff, when you do find your love, when you do find your passion, your motivation, when you do find that other person that you want in your life, then it's it's it means something. It has value. It wasn't for all the other something, it has value. If it wasn't for all the other fallout of things not working with certain people or things not working and things you're trying in your life to try and figure out what your thing is, you're just on that journey. And if it wasn't hard to figure out what's good for you in life and what you can enjoy and what's kind of you, or finding that other person that's you.

If it wasn't for the exclusivity and uniqueness of it and the beauty and value of it, we wouldn't care. It wouldn't mean anything. The struggle makes life mean more. Your book is a story of rising from the ashes of the phoenix. Everyone loves a comeback story. Because we've all been there. We've all been through the struggle

and then we've come out the other side and we're better and bigger for it. And so to me, I just, I think of everything I do as an adventure. So I'll go learn something like, you know, for example, I said earlier, photography. I'm like, I'm gonna be a photographer for a few years and see what happens.

I did. And it wasn't me, but I had fun and I learned a lot of stuff and I grew into a better person and there's a lot of value I took from it. And you were obviously a smart and lucky person that you saw things that way and maybe with good upbringing or just good common sense. But part of the reason I wrote this book, Chris, is a lot of people that fall into addiction don't get back out of it, you know, and don't get through it. And unfortunately, with this disease, it takes a lot of lives, you know, it takes

so many people down either, you know, to jail or institutions or graveyards, you know, and, and that's, that's where, you know, that's the reason I wrote the book is I, I feel like I was one of the lucky ones that got out and, and that I wanted, I wanted to put down the breadcrumbs for somebody else that might, may be in that situation and want to get out. And, you know, obviously there's, there's Alcoholics Anonymous and all the 12 step programs, which are great, but you know, sometimes people don't make it to those rooms, you know, to hear the message of recovery. And so I wrote the book hoping that people would read the story and then be motivated to go get the help. So that's the beauty of life is sharing our stories. We

talk about that a lot on the show because that's really what the show is. It's a curation of people's amazing stories, their life, their journeys, their cathartic moments and how they come out the other side and how they then share their blueprint like you're doing of how you got out of addiction and you survived and you can live another day and you don't end up in the in the graveyard as it were and that's important that's important that we share our stories that's important that if someone has a blueprint they can let it out or like you said like my perspective on life i maybe not always had that perspective i don't think it came from my childhood i think it was developed over and honed over time and failures as it were.

And you know, the iron strike of life shaped me into this, forged me into this sword and here I am. And yeah, I mean, the perspective is everything, you know? And so what you bring in your story of the blueprint of how to get out of addiction and deal with addiction and the journey of the phoenix rising is about that, sharing that blueprint so that other people can see it and go, there is a way out. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope. So, exactly, hope, exactly. Exactly right. Hope is a great thing about human nature. It's the one thing that keeps me loving humans

and human nature. Hope springs eternal. And that's when you really measure the survival of the human race and ourselves as people and what we do, that is the thing that makes us work. So in the most darkest of times and the most largest of tragedies, we find hope and that hope gets us through and gets us to the next stage. And probably that's the same is true for a lot of people. I don't know if you have any thoughts on that. Yeah, I think, you know, people might be listening and saying, well, where do you get hope from

when you're hopeless? And so it's, you know, you can't go to the store and get hope. And somebody can't give you hope, even if they're trying to give you hope. It has to come from within. And in my experience is you have to take that power within and try and use it to find a power greater than ourselves. And you've heard that expression before. It's a nice way of saying God without getting people's backs up because God has been misused and people have misused the, God has been misused and people have misused the word of God and misused religions and, you know, it's the cause of so much suffering and wars and all kinds of things. You know, it's no wonder people don't want to turn to

God or don't want to believe in God or don't want to even hear about God. But my experience is that that power greater than ourselves is the only way to find that hope. Surrendering to that power, it doesn't have to be a religion. It just has to be a belief that there's some entity that loves us and wants us to do well and succeed and can use us to help others, to get that message to other people. When we have a purpose in our life, that brings hope. It's okay, it's not just about me making it for me, but if I make it, maybe I can help others make it.

And then that purpose in life gives us the strength to carry on through darkness and keep that hope burning. So that's a lot of what the story's about in thirst, is taking the thirst for life that turned into addiction to much of the wrong things, and trying to make that thirst for hope and faith and love and helping others. Yeah. You know, it brings an interesting point.

A lot of people that struggle with addiction have to turn to God, religion, and all that sort of stuff. There's a patriarchal nature to religion. That's why a lot of women subscribe to religion, actually keep it alive nowadays if you study it, is the patriarchal thing. I think a lot of people that struggle with addiction stuff, usually it's because they're blueprints from childhood, lack of father, lack of mother, lack of healthy father and mother. And so being able to ascribe to a paternal sort of nature that there is

someone who oversees you, there's someone who cares about you, there's someone who loves you in the world, I think it's an important factor to find, especially when you're lost in addiction. I mean, it's an addictive personality. It's really hard to see your way out of it. I think, you know, my friends who struggle with addiction and, you know, some of them, they've got their 20 year coin, they've got, you know, they've been on the wagon, some have fallen off and had to get back on. It's a constant daily struggle for them every day.

So I think having, I just had an epiphany, you know, it's important for people to have that paternal sort of thing that someone loves them, someone cares about them, because maybe that was missing when they were growing up or the connection to other people. And then I think the other thing, as you mentioned, it's giving up that selfishness, that it's all about me, the world must bend to my will, you know, giving it up, having gratitude. I do gratitude Sunday, every Sunday, it's on my calendar and I kind of spend the day

thinking about what I have, being grateful, feeling blessed, trying to kind of think about my life and go, you know, like there's a lot of good things going on here. My life doesn't roll perfect like most people's. Right. It's important to recognize, but you know, it's important for me to sit down and go, you know, I'm not doing too bad. Yeah. Especially the grateful for the things that I don't provide myself, you know, like I don't create the air or the sun or the water.

It's good to have that last time I checked. Yeah, exactly. So much of our life is given to us by grace. So just to tune into that gratitude for things that I'm not doing to create them for myself, they're just being given to me. If I can get grateful for the simplest thing, I can take an apple and be grateful of how red it is and how crunchy it is and an orange and look at the color of an orange or a bird or just things that are around us and just to become aware and grateful for this amazing

gift of life we've been given, you know, and then try and, you know, tap that into a power that maybe is, cares enough that I don't poison myself with drugs and alcohol every day and ask that power, hey, just keep me away from that just for today, one day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time, you know, because that's all we're given. We're given this day, that's it. Yeah. I forget the name Eckhart to the power of now. He talks about, you know, being, you know,

all you can do is change the present. A lot of us are, you know, sometimes we're haunted by the past or mistakes that we've made in the past, but you can't change that past. I mean, it is what it is. What you can only change is the future. And the only way to change the future is not worrying about the future, but worrying about right now, this moment, this second, this time that you're sitting before you is the moment you can change. The moment you can arc the future, you can try and bend the future, if you will.

I should probably say there's no guarantees that's gonna work, but you're gonna have a shot at it. But yeah, if you sit around. You can have some influence on it. Yeah. if you sit around, but if you're sitting around worrying about the past and thinking about past and stuff, you can't change where you're thinking about the future and things you can or cannot change, you're not going to be focused on what do I need to do today to get to where I want to go with my life. And so now we say the past is the past is fear and the future is, I mean, the

past is regret, the future is, or being the past is regret. The future is fear and today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. Yeah, I like it. The present. I love that. The present is such a great analogy. I need to take that to my for a tattoo that to my forehead or put that on the wall.

But that's a good reminder of the value we need to place in life and the gratitude that we need to have and how important all of that is. So as we go out, give people your final pitch out to order the book where they can get to know you better on any social websites if you want to promote that. Yeah, I mean, it's a book about hope. It's a book about finding a way to find hope, find faith, overcome obstacles, and really it's just a blueprint on how anyone could be happy with life and get grateful and find a faith that works for you personally and

one day at a time and you can find the book. It's easy to read. I actually want to mention too that each chapter is a rock song, a classic rock song that was actually chronologically released at the time that these stories happened. So they're really, yeah. So they're accurate. And there's a playlist at the back of the book where you can download it on Spotify and listen to the playlist. But because music was a huge part of my life, you know, it's a place I got feeling from. But anyway, the story can be found in the novels called Thirst. It's on Barnes and Noble and it's on Amazon and it's on Kindle and the author is H.W. Terrence.

I hope you pick it up. I hope you give it to someone who's lost or who needs a story to lift their spirits and give them some hope, give them some direction and if it can help just one or two people out there then me writing it was worthwhile. That's the beauty of what we bring to this world. We share our stories, we share our journey, share our blueprints of success and help influence others to do the same and achieve the same. And that's what we do. Rising Tide lifts all boats, people, we are all curators of trying to help each other's lives be better and by doing so, we help ourselves. That's probably something very important to remember, especially in politics these days. Anyway, guys, thank you very much for coming to the show. We really appreciate it, Terrence.

I certainly appreciate you coming and being honest and open and sharing your journey. It's not, you know, it's sometimes hard for people to do that, but you did a great job. Thank you very much for coming on the show. Thanks for having me, Chris. And hopefully you get a chance to read it too. I'd love to hear your feedback on it. Thank you. And thanks for tuning in.

Order the book where refined books are sold out August 20th, 2024. It is called Thirst, a novel of lost innocence and redemption. Thanks for tuning in. Go to Goodreads.com, Forchess, Chris Voss, LinkedIn.com, Forchess, Chris Voss. Chris Voss won on the Tiktokity and all those crazy places on the internet. Be good to each other.

Stay safe. We'll see you next time. 1