The Chris Voss Show - The Chris Voss Show Podcast – Written Off: Navigating Rejection and Faith in the Search for Love, Family, and Belonging (The Approved in Christ Series) by Lisa Phillips

Episode Date: August 2, 2026

Written Off: Navigating Rejection and Faith in the Search for Love, Family, and Belonging (The Approved in Christ Series) by Lisa Phillips https://www.amazon.com/Written-Off-Navigating-Rejection-Belonging/dp/B0G2RHDXX7 Authorlisaphillips.net What if the pain that broke you became the doorway to your healing? Lisa Phillips grew up longing for her mother’s love—yet faced rejection, emotional distance, and a parental wound that shaped her identity for decades. As a woman of faith, she later discovered that the hurt she carried was not the end of her story, but the beginning of God’s restoration. Written Off is Lisa’s powerful true story of navigating rejection, rediscovering her identity in Christ, and breaking free from the generational patterns that silenced her family for three generations. In this faith-filled memoir, you’ll discover: How rejection shapes identity—and how God restores what was lost The spiritual roots of emotional pain and how truth brings freedom Faith-based tools to overcome shame, guilt, and family strongholds A compassionate path toward forgiveness, renewal, and inner peace Through raw honesty and biblical insight, Lisa reveals how God transformed emotional wounds into spiritual wholeness—and how you can begin that same journey, especially if you have faced rejection, abandonment, or painful parent–child relationships. Those who seek faith-based healing for emotional or generational trauma, or yearn to rebuild identity, belonging, and trust in God’s redemptive love will find comfort and hope. Written Off is more than a memoir—it’s an invitation to see your own story through the lens of grace. No matter who has written you off, God is already writing you back into His plan with purpose, freedom, and hope. Part of the Written Off series — a three-book journey from rejection to restoration. About the author Lisa N. Phillips is a faith-driven author, certified children’s mindset and confidence coach, and advocate for emotional and spiritual healing. With a background in early childhood education and years of experience guiding young minds, she is passionate about helping both children and adults develop resilience, identity, and lasting confidence rooted in truth and faith. As a certified coach through the Adventures in Wisdom™ program, Lisa equips children with practical mindset tools to overcome fear, build self-worth, and navigate life with clarity and purpose. Her work is grounded in the belief that every person is created with value, potential, and a God-given identity.

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Today, amazing young lady on the show, we're talking about her book called Written Off, Navigating Rejection and Faith in the Search for Love, Family, and Belonging by Lisa Phillips. We're going to be getting into with her and talking about her insights and some of the series that's coming out of this first book. She is a retired military wife, former pre-kindergarten teacher and certified wisdom coach through the adventures of wisdom in coaching program. Her life and work are rooted in the hope of Isaiah 43, 18 through 19, which speaks of God making a way where there seems to be a nun. After walking her own path through childhood rejection and emotional invalidation, she found her purpose, by teaching children crucial mindset skills that lead to overall improved mental awareness.

Welcome to the show. Lisa, how are you? I'm doing great. Thank you for having me. I'm doing excellent. Give us dot coms, websites, Facebooks, wherever you want people to get to know you better on the interwebs. Okay. Website is www. www. Lisa Phillips.

So give us a 30,000 over you. What's inside your book? Okay. So it is my story of parental rejection from my mother who had, or still has, an unmanaged, untreated mental illness going back to the 70s. And it's a part memoir and part biblical truth where I start one chapter with my story. And then we move into another chat, the next chapter with the spiritual truth uses metaphors from the Bible, unknown stories, unknown characters or lesser known to. to teach the point. I delve into what the spiritual side of rejection is, some of the symptoms and how they manifest in their life, especially as we get older. And it just, it is a progression

since it's a trilogy. It doesn't just start with one thing of your, you're rejected. It is with estrangement and relationships. It can be very complex. If there's trauma or abuse and downward circumstances in the home. And your memoir explorers Paranoidjection in the wound of not receiving the parent. Tell us more about this blessing and why it's important in children's emotional and spiritual development. Yes. The origination of my interest in that came from when I was going through my teen years, which

were the most brutal for at home when everything got very dark in the home. And I went on in life and got married and all that at kids. And I kept thinking, what is it that I miss? Why do I feel, you can't put a name to it. It was just, you know what's missing is significant, but you can't figure out really what it is. And this is in the 70s and 80s. We didn't have the internet to go Google something. And so when I came across a book called The Blessing by Gary Smalley and John Trent, that was the aha moment.

I missed the parental blessing. Yes. And what that is is the unconditional love and acceptance that's either withheld or never given at all. And there are five elements to the blessing. And I took the whole course and got a certification through it. So I could really understand it because I knew it fit in my story. So there's five elements.

There's approval or I'm sorry, appropriate and meaningful touch. the high fives, the hugs, wrestling around on the floor with your kids, that touch is important. We need touch. We just, we're connected people. And then the second is a spoken message. Words have power for conveying to our kids to build them up. But words can also tear down. So that's vital.

Attaching high value. This is a third one. We need to recognize our children's intrinsic value. And we do that. with the idea of value. Think of a picture of the scales. That's the scales inside. The meaning to bless is to get down on your knee.

But when we want to treat someone well, we want to add value to them. Think of putting coins on the scale. And it gives weight, and weight means value. And likewise, when parents step back, we're taking back away from them. We're stepping back. So if you have children that have traits that are really admirable like leadership, you could give them a visual picture or something physical. For leadership example, you could give them a picture of an eagle that that child will always tie

that trait they have into something that they can use later. So they remember this. And then the last one, the fourth one is picturing a special future. which means if you see your kids that they are really good at something, we need to invest in that. I was really good at writing when I was younger. I loved writing. We started when I was nine, but I didn't have anyone speak to me into that. What you could do with your writing.

My son's really good with his hands when he was little with the Legos. And I would tell him, I can see a future with you using your hands. And then the fifth one is active commitment. We want to build on these things, one through four. parenting doesn't stop when you turn 18. So you will just continue on in a different fashion. Now it's a mentoring relationship instead of more parenting. So anyway, I realized that I was missing a lot of these. And it was the key to realizing what that void was. And a lot of people out there, I know in the 70s and 80s, we grew up differently with our parents. We were parented like our

parents were and forth. And it just took years for me to fill in a lot of blanks. Yeah. You're kind of like, why do I seem to have this whole? And sometimes we don't recognize we're young, but as we get older, our minds give it back to us and be like, I think you're old enough to handle this now or try and process it. And so sometimes we block out those things in childhood. Now, it looks like, from what I understand, you grew up longing for your mother's love, You face rejection, emotional distance, a parental wound. What was going on with your mom or, I don't know if you have a diagnosis? Was this a bit of narcissism or did she just have, was she just alien to affection or intimacy in that way?

It didn't come out until many years later, but she had been abused. And my parents, we had, in the 60s, we were a typical American family. My dad was an airline mechanic for TWA. My mom was a nurse. And we lived in suburbia. And then in 1969, my dad put in a transfer to San Francisco airport because he had a hand condition. And he would come home with rags with blood coming through because of the harsh winters. Oh, wow.

So we moved in 69 to Santa Cruz Mountains in California. And my mother didn't do well there. And a depression started. And then a full-blown mental. help break down nervous brain. And she, she went back to Kansas, that's where we're from, and went into a facility, and I was nine. And so suddenly mom's gone too. Yeah. And she came back and we thought we were fine. Back in the 70s, there was no real treatment. There was a parent, what he called, couples counseling, but nobody had mental illness involved.

And so she dropped out of that and then decided she didn't need medication. that everybody else was the problem. Oh, yeah. And the saying is true, broken people or hurt people, hurt people. Yeah. But it did go darker. My parents split up and we came back to Kansas. My dad remained out there with his job.

And my mom remarried suddenly again. And it all started all over again. Really? Wow. Yeah. And it just got worse. The narcissism. the controlling, the criticalness, the judgment.

Oh, my goodness, the gas lighting. We didn't even have that term back then. Yeah, that's classic narcissism right there. Yeah. I remember being told, you don't live in reality. You need to get your head out of the clouds. You just don't think. You don't use your head, blah, blah, blah.

And that, I had nothing to come back for that. Yeah, you're just a kid. You're like, I don't know how to deal with this. What's going on? We were not. The kids don't have the mindset skills to understand that. She developed a darkness and a bitterness. There was an inner rage going on.

And so when I write, I don't write in revenge at all. It's understanding that she was broken too. And although parent me correctly or better, what's that saying? She meant it for harm and God meant it for good. But it did make me think there was something wrong with me. I was always told I was the problem. And so you go off to college. And what happens is with a parenting style like that, you don't have self-confidence.

Self-identity is destroyed or underdeveloped. Fear of failure, self-doubt, insecurity. And I had many of those. In fact, I lost a dream of mine because of fear of failure. Really? Wow. What was the dream? I got halfway through the teaching program for elementary education.

And when I got to the point of the student teaching where a peer teacher would be in the back of the room to see how I do with kids, I felt the judgment and the criticism. And so I feared I'd fail. So what I did is I quit before I was told I'd fail. And I bailed from the whole program. Wow. Because I didn't think I was good enough. I feared the rejection.

So I rejected her before I, and I tell that story in the book. It's a powerful story because when you're in that situation where you have that rejection wound, but it carries over. Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't overcome that for quite a long time. And I've had a lot of grit with that. But so the some of these symptoms, you know, that I was just saying in fear of failure and lack of confidence, the spiritual side is rejection is a demon. Rejection enters a kid's life through because of trauma or abuse or even as fatherless homes. And unfortunately, parents don't know that they open the door to that because of what the unfortunate found.

their kids are on. And so what happens is Satan's very clever. He targets children. They're vulnerable. They're like prey. And so we really, this is why the parental blessing is so important. It establishes that foundation because there's anchors there. When you have those parental blessings I was telling about, when kids run in up against

hard times at school or with friends, there's those, the anchors. are still there. And hopefully they'll return to that and have the wherewithal to know that what they have at home is what grounds them. Many times when the parental blessing's missing, that's why gangs are very attractive because gangs know how to do those things for kids. Yeah, belonging. Belonging, acceptance, the words, yeah. And that's why it's very enticeive. So I do. talk about the different about rejection being a demon and why it's he Satan's like a roaring lion he's looking and with what works in the previous generation we'll work in the next generation and that's what happened with me there's three generations of rejection of course there's my mom of course and then there was my my grandfather and then his father they just kept rejecting

and abandoning. And so it sets up this recurring curse until it gets cut. Yeah. And a lot of women will take that sort of rejection thing into relationships, and then they'll get rejected because they'll pick poor relationships. You mentioned something about father's homes. It's so important that there is a masculine and feminine in the household to raise children. Any psychologist of any credit will tell you that without one of either parent,

there's a hole and there's a lack. And women get shaped a lot and get blueprints from their father. Mothers get, her sons get blueprints from their mothers. But the relationship between a daughter and mother are super important because she's the elder and she can help her daughter get through whatever is going on and grow up and stuff. And it's really needed.

And there's things they can talk about that fathers and daughters really don't want to talk about. There's things you wouldn't want to go to your dad and tell, but you can go to your mom and tell. And I had to. And I had to do. There wasn't enough grace in my home. And I didn't know my identity. And I shut down.

I was very closed off. And there's a term I use in the book, emotional encroachment. And the metaphor I used for that is about the ancient boundary stone. When the Israelites were settling, you would mark off property by using the old stones. And God gave the commandment, do not move your neighbor's boundary stone.

And there was a reason for that, a very important reason, because not everybody was honest, of course, and they would try to move that stone and enlarge their own territory. They were moving into their neighbor's property. With emotional encroachment, the same idea applies. Parents with ungodly motives or whatever, they will encroach into the child's heart and manipulate or deception. and betrayal or lies or no information at all, which a lot of times I got or didn't get.

And so the idea of emotional approachment is that a child doesn't know what's theirs. Their goals, their emotions, their dreams, their viewpoints, everything is their own, it's their property. But when parents move in with these, you know, very ungodly ways with behavior and so forth, erodes a child's identity and they don't know who they are, what they believe in, or what they'll stand up to or stand against.

And if I can jump in here too, one of the aspects of narcissism, even if it's not full-blown narcissism, one of the aspects of narcissism is they have to devalue the people around you in order to gain control. Yes. And that's, it's a control factor. Like you said, the gaslighting, the minimizing, the, I've been around. on narcissists and I can be writhing in pain, like physical pain, and they can be oblivious to it. I think a good example is the last year, the regime in the Oval Office, there was a guy who had an

attack in the Oval Office, a health seizure, something of some type. And the president just stood there oblivious to it. That's an example of where narcissists, all the narcissists thinks about as themselves. The world revolves around them. They don't even see people as people. Now, keep in mind, I do want to clarify this because this is in dating, everyone's calling everyone a narcissist now. And there's only three or five percent of the people that are clinical diagnosis. It sounds like you had that going on as a mother with a mother. And mother narcissism is really something you want to look up and study if you haven't already. And it's a really weird thing because you expect nurturing from your mom.

And that's how they tear down your identity. That's why you didn't feel like you were confident enough to go chase some of your dreams that you abandoned. But that's also control because they don't want you succeeding and getting out of their cage. I always say that. Yeah. They want you under control. They will sabotage you.

They will undercut you. They will do things. And some people say that's not evil. because it's a mental condition, but it is evil. I mean, it borders on sociopathic when you're starting to fuck with people. Yeah. And you're like, hey, I'm going to say, and whether they have that conscious thought or not, I mean, was Hitler evil because he was consciously evil or was he just,

he was just on a roll of being evil and he just went with it. And that was his nature. They're a little bit high on meth, all those Nazis. But still, you know, to me, I just can't excuse this just not being evil. And we all, I think we all have a duty in this life. I was thinking about this recently. I think we all have a duty in this life to be, to try to be self-aware, to try to be conscious to do things. Willful ignorance is not a fucking excuse.

And I've done horrible things in my life that I wish I'd dealt with better. And it took me a lot of years to figure out my childhood trauma and what was complicating my behavior. It probably still does. and but I eventually went on that journey and said how do I fix myself and so that's an important journey to go on hopefully most people that have these sort of issues eventually wake up but usually narcissists don't wake up especially malignant extreme and and this estrangement would be on and off and it was like she had the control of the button and I was in I was out I was in us out. There was physical, actual physical stuff going on, shoving and all that. But the thing is,

she never did want to be healed. It still doesn't. We aren't responsible for the trauma that occurred to us and we were growing up, but we are responsible for our own healing. And that was huge to me. When I started to have kids, I had to really think, okay, I'm not going to, the things that I had, they've got to end, cut it off at the root. Because otherwise you're just pushing it down into your kids. And if you don't mind me interrupting there, just to make, just to highlight your point, that is really important because generational trauma gets passed down. Most likely your mother developed that way because of maybe her mother or father was a narcissist.

And a lot of this emotional disconnect usually is passed down through generational trauma. A lot of times it's caused by divorce or other complications of marriage. And then the kids, the kids grow up with what we call a blueprint. And that blueprint is what they take into their, their parenting and their relationships. And that's all they know. That's all you know as a child is what your parents' behavior is. So you have no clue.

You're like, this seems really dysfunctional, but it feels normal, right? Yeah. I've dated women that their level of chaos and dysfunction in a relationship isn't healthy. for my healthy, what I hope is a healthy relationship, but they have to have abuse, chaos, problems. But to them, when you look at it from the outside, you go, that looks like a lot of brain damage work and emotional, you know, it's exhausting, right?

But for them, that feels very comfortable. That's normal. And that's the blueprint they got from their parents. And when I was growing up with it, it was all very normal to my family. Although I knew that I didn't want that life. I just didn't know how I was going to overcome some of those symptoms I had. I think it's great you interrupted it.

You recognize that this is not the way I want to raise my children because I didn't feel comfortable in this situation and I'm going to do something about it. And I think that is such a great conscious commitment to take and do and be aware of. I grew up the same way. my father, he did the best he could. That's all you can expect from some people. But he wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't a good man sometimes. And I had to grow up going, okay, I realized somehow I figured out early on that I was going to pick up his blueprint.

And so I had to start taking steps to try and clean my system so that he didn't become like him. And in a lot of ways, sometimes they did, especially when I got very successful at business. very narcissistic. But even then, I was still fighting. And I've spent most of my, I'll tell people's stories. I'm like, here's a great lesson I learned in life. I learned this from my father by antithesis. And they'll be like, what does that mean? And I'm like, my father behaved the opposite of this way. And I felt that it was bad behavior that wasn't conducive or conducted for good relationships or for a healthy life. And so I do the opposite of what he did. And I have a lot of rules that are that way. And so I think it's just great that you made that conscious awareness and

said generational trauma stops here, or at least you're going to try and stop it, right? Yeah, no parent's perfect, but I went into it with the awareness that I was going to do things different, not that there's two parents. My husband was also often out to see. I had the kids to myself quite a bit, but my husband has his side also. And we talk about this a lot, his side and my side, But I will make a point. One thing is my dad and I had a very good relationship. And I wanted that same level with my mom. And I just trying to appease and approve.

And I thought every milestone, once I finished college or once I got married, once I had kids, that it would change. But it doesn't. It really doesn't. And there's an event that finally happens where it's the, what do you call it, that decision moment? And it just, it was kind of a very dark, scary thing that it's like, wow. Yeah. And you, and sometimes you got to isolate yourself just to protect yourself, right? Sometimes you have to cut yourself off from family and time yourself out because they're toxic.

And you have to protect your health and you've got to protect the health of your family. I think that was one of the reasons why God pulled me out of Kansas is I had a thought. false understanding of what it meant to honor our parents. Oh. On the 60s, 70s, we didn't interrupt our parents. We didn't argue or negotiate. We were told what to do. This is the way it was or there's the door.

And so we forgot my where I was going with that point. But it's an issue where I didn't, I wanted to parent differently and I wanted that approaching. I wanted to be approachable. And my dad was approachable. One thing in the book is that I also weave. It's a separate thread, a sub-story of three generations of mothers and daughters. So there's me, my mom, and my grandmother, my mom's mom.

And my grandmother and I were close, and we were both trying to reach the same woman between us. Wow. That grieved us both. But she kept choosing darkness. And we aren't. aren't, that's what I was going to say, we think that the Bible says we always have to get along. And he doesn't want us to be hurt by toxic relationships. You can remove yourself, you can develop the boundaries.

I do talk about boundaries, boundaries of our heart again. We have to protect our heart. And it's not wrong to say, I'm going to step back. But those of us in the 60s and 70s, we grew up with some different kinds of traditional values that we have to undo. So I think that's why it took me a lot longer because church didn't promote family dissension. They rarely supported divorce, you know, back then. And rejection.

Rejection is so understudied. Did you know that one in four are either rejected or estranged from a family member or parent? Yeah, I do know that firsthand. It's very difficult. 58 years with that. Yeah. And so have you ever heard a conversation on a talk show like before Thanksgiving or Christmas where they talk about, oh, the family's coming, the recipe I cook? Did they ever talk about family that's missing, those outside the family, the child, whatever?

And we don't. There's 12 steps to, what is that for alcoholics? Yeah. And there's five stages of grief. there's nothing for rejection. There's no steps to find peace, so to speak. And so that's kind of why my faith was what turned got me in, Turn to Brown. Yeah.

Sadly, these people need to go to therapy. And it's technically theirs to do, but they've already done the damage to you. So you probably also need to go therapy or study like you've done and write books. Because sometimes the teacher learns more than the student. student, right? But this is really important in recognizing this. My father was a narcissist, and he was very disconnected emotionally from us. And I'm just not talking like, men are technically a little disconnected from their children because historically over a year's of time, we tend to disappear. We get killed in battle. We get killed working hard jobs. We're always, we're always lagering to

do stuff and provide for the family. And back in the medieval times, a bunch of marauders would come and kill all the men in the tribe and carry off to women and children. And so we've, we're always expendable. That's why they say women and children first on the thing, because we have

to protect the womb for future propagation of species. And so men take that bullet. And so, yeah, it's a tough thing where men are disconnected a little bit. We learn, hopefully, as we grow to be a little bit more intimate, but we kind of have to have that disconnection. And women are

designed because they're the caregivers and the nurturers, they're designed to have that emotional closest to connection. And the two balance each other out because the father will teach hard life lessons, the children. The mother will coddle the children and nurture them. And both those are important. But it's also important that when, if I fell down and my knee was bleeding or her or something. I could go crying to my mom and what's my mom going to do? She's going to nurture me. She's going to put the bandaid on and tell me it's going to be okay and comfort me, sing me a song or read me a book. My dad's going to go, oh, you hurt yourself? All right, you're going to live. Life's not fucking fair. Go to fuck up, suck it up, and you're going to be fine.

Yeah. That's what that's too. They teach life lessons. Sometimes it seems a little harsh, but man, if you've seen some poor soul who goes in the world and they haven't been taught that life isn't fair, they're going to, they've got a lifetime of problems coming. Yeah. Yeah. And part of the challenge in life is to reconcile our past with our present and our future and allow God's grace to help us to write a new story. We only get one life, and I just can't imagine wanting to go through it or still stumbling along and never figuring out, why I'm like this or why this doesn't work and and back the generational stuff there. It's just so much, it's a lot of work, but it's worth it.

And you have to save yourself. You kind of, you almost have to be, I don't know about you, but I had to come to a conscious decision that I need to save myself. I can't save these people. I need to save myself. And I'm not here. That's the biggest challenge. And so my father, he was disconnected emotionally more than most of the most of the way.

fathers and in a narcissistic sense too. My father never did anything wrong. I remember one time I just screamed at him. I said, I want you to tell me one thing you did wrong today. You turn left when you should have turned right. You stopped at a stop. Just one thing wrong. And he couldn't admit it. And somewhere around his 60s or 70s, I think with the encouragement of his second wife, he went to therapy for the first time. And he had some clarity. And he woke up from this march he'd been on most of his life and he realized he fucked up and he came to us and we all had to sit down and he had a he opened up to us and said I'm sorry I've been to therapy I didn't realize how disconnected I was I didn't realize my behavior and I'm now awake and I can see it and we all thought this is great

we weren't angry we were like cool we finally got our dad and then he went right back into it I mean, last week or something. Oh, for every sake. And that's the challenge. And part of it is narcissism is a broken damage thing. And I'm sure he probably had some stuff you need to see a therapist about. I can take years, decades to fix those people, if they're fixable at all. Yeah.

Like you said earlier, narcissists don't acknowledge other people and they don't acknowledge their no either. Yeah. You're just a bot. You're just a subject to them. You're not human. Yeah. And I don't know. I think it's a real defect of some sort.

I don't know, lack of a better word. Yeah. But yeah, they really are, what they do is always to benefit themselves and at the expense of others. And I did see that a lot in my mom's behavior. But even all these years later, the strife, the constant strife and disunity is still going on. And I just decided I had. remove myself from that. And so it is unfortunate that there's a lot of us out there probably have had to make choices like that. Yeah. And religion will divide people too.

That's what divides my family's religion. So yeah, yeah, it's a big thing. And narcissism, moral superiority. And yeah, there's sometimes where parts of my family, we even talk for 10, 20 years. And you can't. And anytime you try and let them back in, to just try and have a normal life, they don't understand how to normally interact with people without shoving stuff into your face and trying to get you to join their program. And I would take calls and I'd be like,

okay, we're having a normal call. Hey, how's it going? How's your health? How's the family and stuff? And then it turns into trying to demean my life, control my life. Yeah, I mean it goes to that. That you're doing anything wrong.

Then five minutes. And you're, you know, the first couple minutes, you're like, hey, this might work. And then you're like, oh, it's kind of like getting back together with people you broke up with. But first, it's kind of cool. And you're like, got those feelings again. But then you're like, oh, yeah, it's fucking you again. I remember, I remember you. I now remember why I left you.

You mentioned something five minutes. In book two, there is an incident within five minutes. After we arrived, we were leaving. Oh, wow. Yeah, and it's a very sad, sad experience. And it's got to be tough on the kids, too, because they don't, they're kind of figuring out, what's going on with mom and grandma and, like, why aren't we a family? I remember my family, there was three brothers, I call him the three stooges.

And after my grandfather died, he was the great patriarch of our family. All the wives started infighting, and so the whole family separated. One minute, I had all these great cousins. and all these great friends. And the next minute, they were gone. And part of it was something that happened with one of them and some Boy Scouts. Let's just put it that way. Believe it that, and I'm sure people can do the math.

And that kind of broke the family up because the other brothers didn't know how to deal with something like that. Most people don't. I'm not sure I would if I had that in my family. You know, it's just great that you stepped in and you saw that and you're hearing this message. Now, one question I have for you is, Are all three books on Amazon? I found the one on your author page. The book two is not yet out.

We'll be out in a couple of months. It's actually in the final interior editing stage. Book covers done and so forth. And the title for the second one, a little forward hand, is when good isn't good enough. Seen that movie? Yes. Yeah.

And then the third will be probably next year. But I am excited, though. it got picked up for a feature in Publishers. It's appearing, I'm not sure, September or October issue, and the book will be heading off to Frankfurt, Germany, for the book fair out there. I'm excited for that, too, to see what comes of that. But it's a message that I just feel like there's just too many of us

that come from this kind of a background. We're still kind of going around in circles, how. And the biggest thing for me was truth, knowing the truth. Truth is seems to have showed me that you're not supposed to be like this. Your life is not meant to just be rejected. They labeled you that. They labeled you as a victim that you're always going to be, it won't amount to anything.

But God has the final say. And spiritual boundaries is another truth that we need to understand that we have to be good stewards of our own. Yeah, protect yourself, save yourself, set boundaries. And sometimes you have to save those people that you love. It's really hard because I can, we've had millions of followers across social media from the very beginning. We were really huge on Twitter when it started, Google Plus and different places. LinkedIn, Facebook, we have huge groups there. And so I get a lot of trolls.

I got a lot of people throwing this thing and shit at me. Sometimes I have friends that somehow they stayed. friends with me on Facebook for a while, but they've always hated me. And then one day they decided to just let it all fly out on some post comment. And you're like, oh, I guess we're not friends after all. I can block those people. And within an hour, I'll forget they exist because we block a lot of people. And on YouTube, the trolls are just endless. Your fingers are fat. You must be fat. You're like, dude, how much time do you have in your spare time? And the, what's my point to this? And so it's, it's really easy for me to erase people and forget about them and move.

on and if they encroach upon my my boundaries of self-respect of of the mental health, whatever. I'm not. Evidently I'm starting to have a seizure or something because I'm just repeating stuff. But you can't do that with your family. You're stuck with them. You can't pick your family. I can pick my friends and I try and pick high quality people that have around me, but you can't pick your family.

That's kind of one of the things that's hard to deal with. You're like, geez, man. I'm stuck with these people first. And I struggled with that. When I was in my 20s, I kept thinking, I got a lot of years ahead of me. And I'm thinking, can I fathom not having this person in my life the rest of my life? And at that time, no. So I was still striving in my 20s and in my 30s, even into my 30s.

And you kind of feel some guilt, too, right? Yeah. I feel guilty about panning these people. I'm supposed to love my family, the societal pressure there. I'm supposed to love my family. Yeah, it is. And we're not okay. But I did almost everything I could have done, and it still wasn't good enough.

But you mentioned mental health, and with my coaching with kids, this is kind of where that comes from is youth mental health is a real crisis right now, because we've got families and, and, and. And kids are just with the social media stuff, girls are so over enmeshed in it. And it is. Yeah, it's pretty. Yeah. And so. Everyone's a zombie now, just looking at their phones, including me sometimes.

I know. Yeah, it's sad. And that's why the coaching kids building up self-confidence and fear of failure and mindset skills, resilient. So that's an area that I'm really interested in and sort of a new business that I'm trying to get going. So I have been really appreciative to be on your show and that. And it's, it's just been real enjoyable to get this out there. Yeah. Let's talk about some of the offers you have on your website. Now, do you only do children's coaching or do you do coaching for maybe

adults too? I've thought about that. It's possible. The book kind of tends to lean towards women, mothers and daughters and that stuff. That doesn't necessarily mean it's just women. But I, I've been entertaining that, yes. The thing with women is women's value, they place more of a value on societal's, society's value of them. That's why they try and stay away from doing anything embarrassing. And it's rejection when it, either it comes to dating or apparent rejection, it's a bigger deal for them. I think that is for most men.

because with most men, we have control of the ask, so we can ask anybody on date if we want. But for women, sometimes rejection, they feel like, oh, a guy rejected me that I liked. Oh, I must be worthless. I must be a loser. I must not have value. Actually, somebody wrote that, a gal wrote that the other day on Facebook.

In one of my dating groups, she wrote, am I, she actually said this. Am I a loser? Because I get with men and they leave after a month or two? Oh. And so I wrote her and I said, no, that doesn't make you a loser. Just because someone doesn't like you, doesn't mean a loser. There's a million flavors of the people in the world. And then you're trying to find somebody who's your flavor and then who's single. I thought one of menary women that are my flavor. They're married. So I'm trying to find one that's marriageable. And I think it impacts women harder that word rejection because they feel that it really, it's part of their value. And that's why sometimes I've rejected women and they've gone, they've taken it really badly. Let's put it that way. And I don't know why you'd take badly being rejected by me because I'm not all that great. So,

well, there is something. Probably blessed some people when I rejected them. They're like, oh, I dodged a bullet. There is something called the hyperactivity. When you've been rejected, you, you zero in on the next. Yeah. Your trauma's getting triggered, right? Yeah. And, and you, you have to kind of. You kind of reason with yourself, maybe it was some of the thing. He had some hangups too. Maybe he never know.

People are just, sadly, I come from this. But back, I think you're probably within 10 years or so of my age. But when our age, or at least my age, when we grew up, when people didn't work out, they got divorced or they broke up. You know, you would always say this thing. It takes two to tango, 50% both ways. But for some reason now, people think of it as it must. be me. And maybe this is from childhood wounds or something. They take it really personal sometimes. And I can understand, sometimes you do get feelings and that can hurt. And that may be why it

impacts women more is because to them, they feel it probably more than us. Us men are pretty stoic most of the time. And we just, we're so used to rejection from asking women out on dates and our lives and what we try to achieve in our hero's journey. world isn't given to us. And so I think it hurts women more because they can feel it. Yeah, we tend to be a little more in the emotional. We look inside a little deeper, size ourselves. And I don't know if that's part of the mother thing that we get printing, you know, down through the mother gene or what. But yeah, you're right. I'm definitely, I can. Women's nature is designed to have that feedback and then insecurity. And it's done that way

so that she preserves herself and is supposed to have a mindful awareness of preserving herself and how her behavior can affect her social status in life. Sadly, we've turned it upside down now where if you have an only fan, you're more respected than someone who goes to church every weekend. And so we see that as the top tier. I see a lot of women that are really caught up with Instagram and richness, and they only want top-tier guys, and you're like, look at them and you go, you don't qualify for top-tier guys because I'm a top-tier guy.

And yet they get angry when you reject them. But still, I think women are designed to know what their social value is and to also try and make sure that they don't embarrass themselves, embarrass their families. And I think it's a big deal for them. Now, I see there's a few things on your website, too. We should get plugs in here for you. Do some speaking.

There's a schedule of call. Tell us how people can interact with you. And what is your child coaching client look like? Anywhere from 8 to 13. I've had 9 and 10-year-olds that I've coached. I can coach online through a Zoom connecto in person. My husband and I split our time from Washington State and Arizona, so I kind of bounce back and can coach in either place.

I like to do workshops. I can do workshops online. I call them skill shops because we might. Yeah, skills. Yeah. And I do have a, it's not on the website yet because it is actually being redone. It's supposed to be finished this week. But if the unique difference on my coaching is that I use coaching stories.

And coaching stories help connect the mindset skill that the kids are there for to learn about it through the characters of the story, which are age-appropriate stories. They're well-written stories. I really enjoy them. And the kids then can put their feelings and your thoughts together by going through the story. By going through the story, they identify their limiting beliefs, their emotions, what's going on, because sometimes they don't have the skills to know the words for it. And so the stories help bring that out, and there's a lot of connection.

And then we come up with supporting beliefs for what they're identifying. And we have activities that reinforce it. And what I wanted to say is if anybody is listening and would like a free coaching story, that is something that I can send out on an email. I'm not sure how that would be done. How I'd get their email to send it to. But you could also email me. Let's give out my email, L. Phillips.

4487 at gmail.com. If you're interested in a free coaching story, just put that in the subject line, free coaching story. So people can reach out to you on your website. As we round out, give us that website one more time. www. www.offerlisa Phillips.net. Wonderful insight, Lisa, and I'm so glad you're sharing your story with people,

because a lot of people go through this. I mean, sometimes it's not full-blown narcissism, but there's enough narcissistic tendency. And sadly, people blanket, I go on dates and go some of the last 10 guys they dated were narcissists. And I'm like, were you outside the narcissist clinic? Picking up dudes? What the fuck? But there's narcissistic tendencies.

And I had to look at some of my grandparents and say they had trauma. I don't know what it was because, you know, they were pretty old. And it was like I could have a conversation at 10. I couldn't diagnose my grandmother at 10. I just knew what I was experiencing and it didn't feel good. And I was lucky enough, I don't know how it is with parents and they get divorced. I was lucky my parents didn't divorce until after we moved out. And then when they called us and said, we're going to get divorced about 10 years after we moved out.

We were like, cool, we're just glad you guys finally got on the same page. We've been on 20 years. They were good people. They just weren't the two people that were meant to be in there. We just knew they were oil and water. But it's great that you've stepped down. in and you've given people some advice and knowledge to be aware of generational trauma. You should probably even, I don't know if you cover that in any of your books, but that

might be a good book thing to talk about. It's a generational trauma, how to step in, how to stop it. Because we're seeing this now where you're just seeing the same trauma replayed through two or three generations until somebody finally goes. I'm not doing this. Not doing that it's usually gotten so bad that you just don't have a choice. And you do have to realize that a lot of these people, if they have severe damage trauma, if they have some of these tendencies that devalue you're never going to save them.

And trying to do that is just, I hate to say it's a waste of time. But the problem with trying to save them is you put your heart and soul and your emotions into it because you care. And these are not used to the people that are going to respond with your care in kind. What years ago, my dad and my stepmother, I used to say, it's not you. It's not you. But I had such downloaded my mother's emotions and that I still questioned it. I still wonder what's wrong with me. Yeah. And you just want to be loved. You're a kid. You're just like, I have needs. I need a hug. And I need somebody to talk to. And I need somebody who tells me good job, pass me on the back. And when you'll have that, it's just freaking lack. And you need that the most when you're

child. Right now, I don't give a shit about any of that stuff, but I did as a child. Right now, I'll just be like, yeah, whatever, I don't care if you don't like me great. It serves us. It does. And they were wired and we have to learn new wiring, basically. Yeah, but making a decision that generational stops, generational trauma stops with me is such an powerful thing. And the earlier you can recognize that, especially before you bring some new innocent palettes into the world that you're going to paint on, keeping them from that damage. And then you got a whole new pickle, right? Because then you got a grandparent.

You have to keep the kids. It's only you anymore. Yeah. I have a granddaughter now that will never know that. Wow. And I'm just so thankful. My kids, I did have to cut them off from their grandmother. And they don't know my story, but they don't know the personal one-on-one with it.

you know, there's sacrifices everywhere, there's losses everywhere when you have to make it change. I just wish they would teach more of this stuff in school. They need to have a trauma class of school and they need us be able to make people aware of, did you have trauma? Are you having trauma right now? Let's see if we can't get that fix for you. Yeah.

You know, I don't make all the rules evidently. Evidently the people in power of education to listen to my podcast. I just wish they bring that curse of writing. Yeah. That was interesting back in the day. It's been wonderful. They have you, Lisa. Give people your final pitch out to pick up the book and give a book.com.

Yeah. So this is the cover of the book, written off, navigating rejection and faith in the search for love, family, and belonging. Order it up today, folks, wherever fine books are sold. Thank you, Lisa. Written off, navigating rejection and faith in search of love, family, and belonging. And it's part of the approved in Christ series. So watch for book two and three and maybe what else might come.

But sharing our stories is brave, and that's a whole new level of rejection, putting a book up, right? Kudos to you for sharing your story, and you're going to help way more people than be able to maybe, you know, reject the book. And there's somebody out there that needs this book, and they're going to read it, and it's going to change your life. And maybe you'll hear about it. Maybe you won't, but that's the beautiful part about the reach of this. So thank you. And thanks for much for tuning in. Go to goodrease.com, Fortressch, Christch, Christfoss.

LinkedIn.com, Christchrist, Chris Foss, 1 on the TikTokity. refer the show to your family, friends, and relatives, or I'll pull the car over and I'll come back there, kids. Anyway, I love you guys. Be good to each other. Stay safe. We'll see you guys next time. You've been listening to the most amazing, intelligent podcast ever made

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