The Church of Eleven22 - Act Like Men; Revisited - A Worthy Woman

Episode Date: August 20, 2017

Don't be conformed to the pattern of this world. Do not fall into the trap by letting this world tell you who to be…but be transformed by the renewing of your mind; be the woman God created you to be. Don’t make Eve’s mistake and let the serpent rob you of joy because of promises of bigger and better things outside God’s will. *The use of the trademark "Act Like Men” is with the express permission of Harvest Bible Chapel (www.actlikemen.org)."

How we doing, church? Doing all right? Everybody's looking good. If you got your Bibles and I hope you do, grab them. We're going to be in Proverbs chapter 31, Proverbs chapter 31. And as you're looking that up, just a little bit of housekeeping. First and foremost, and I think we're 23 days away from saturated,

which is a fall revival that we do, where we're bringing in a bunch of buddies of mine, pastor friends, Matt Chandler will be here one night, J.D. Greer one night, Dr. Eric Mason one night, Shane and Shane, the worship team will be here, and then you get me on Sunday. Sorry. And it is just an opportunity for us to be saturated in the presence of God and the gospel of God is what we're doing.

And we are praying for revival. And all throughout church history and in the Bible, there are two things that always preceded revival. And it was prayer and preaching. And so on Friday night, we had an elder-led prayer meeting. Were you here? At all our game? Good. Praise God. There's a bunch of people here.

And then as soon as that was over, we rolled into 24 hours of preaching. And we just put the gospel on display for 24 hours straight. it was pretty great. A couple people stayed the whole time. They're dead in their car this morning, but that's okay. And so what we're starting tomorrow for the next, I think it's 23 days, is we're calling our church to a Daniel fast. And the Daniel fast is actually a diet, not a fast, but get over yourself if you're Pharisee, okay?

It's a Daniel fast is what we're calling it. And so a fast is an opportunity to tell your flesh no, so you tell Jesus yes. And so Daniel, back in the book of Daniel, he tells King Nebuchadnezzar and the people that captured him, I'm not going to eat the king's rich food or his wine, and so we're not going to eat any of those things. And all he ate was vegetables and water. And so one of our Pastor Adams' wife put together like a menu that could help you on our website. Don't be super legalistic about it. And if you just find everything that tastes good to replace all the things that you're eating now, that's not a fast.

If you're not suffering, you're not doing it right, okay? I will say this. Daniel had vegetables and water, so there's nothing wrong with bean and water. That's called coffee. So coffee is okay. Anybody that tells you to drink coffee, grab your things and leave. That's a cult. You don't want to be a part of that, all right?

So we're going to do it. Good luck. Go for it. And that's what we're doing, starting tomorrow until saturated starts. Because we are praying for revival. And the question is this, man. Why not us? Why not here?

Why not now? And so we're begging God to just move in a way like we've never experienced before. Secondly, some more housekeeping before we jump into a lot. our topic. Last week I was not here, but I was at 1122. I had the real distinct pleasure of being able to worship at Bay Meadows and our Mandarin location. And so if you have not tried out one of our other campuses, I would highly encourage you to do that because you might just like it and stay there and like it better. It's an incredible opportunity, okay? Incredible experience. And so I said something there that you didn't get here because I was there, and so I know I'm a week late, but I need to say

it now. We are a movement for all people to discover and deepen a relationship. We are a movement for deep in a relationship with Jesus Christ. And so specifically, based on the evil events, not only in our country, but now all over the world, even since last week, I need to talk about this all people thing. You cannot simultaneously call Jesus your king and look down on any other human being. No one group of people can say somehow they are better than another group of people because Jesus died for all people and we are a movement for all people. And any kind of racism is incongruent with the gospel of Jesus Christ, period. And specifically to our African-American brothers and sisters, whether you're just a visitor

here right now or you're a member of the Church of 1122. Honestly, I have no idea how you must feel, but I feel for you because you're my brother, you're my sister, and this is a movement for all people. And you cannot simultaneously, no human being can look up at Jesus and look down at another person because Jesus created each and every one of us in the Amago. day in the image of God. And this will always be a movement for all people. And here's the key, though, to discover and deepen a relationship with Jesus.

So the answer to the evil in our world, honestly is not laws and politicians. The answer to the evil in our world is the gospel of Jesus Christ. And we love you. Amen. Now to move from one controversial topic to another, now I'm going to preach about women. My roommate in college told me, women are simple. he's an idiot and a liar and he's still single by the way women are like a jigsaw, Sudoku, crossword,

Rubik's Cube in the backpack of a terrorist yelling at you in a foreign language. It's complicated. Amen? It just is. And so here's what we're going to do as we walk through what the Bible says of what it means to be a godly woman. Men, we've got some instructions for you. One, I don't need your help in this sermon.

So no amen. no elbows. Nobody should stand up and say preach it, brother, at all. You just sit there and shut up, all right? Which would actually help us in our marriage, too, by the way. Also, you should never quote this sermon for the rest of your life. What you're going to do over the next 45 minutes or so is just pray for me. Pray for me. I am trading on dangerous ground. In fact, many of our male staff came up to me this week, like, you okay, bro? You all right? I had one guy give me a hug as if I was going off the war and I may not make it back, all right? So, in fact, while I'm preaching, here's what I want you to do. I want you to either get out your notes or get out in the

note section on your phone. And because we're in the 31st chapter of Proverbs, I want you to write down 31 things that you love and appreciate about your wife if you have one. That's your job. Ready, go. Now, to the women. First of all, give me a little grace, okay? I've never been a woman. been studying one intently for 17 years plus, and I feel like I know less now than I did when I'm at her, all right? And I'm also raising one in my home, and so just give me some grace, because me preaching about being a godly woman is like a Catholic priest doing marriage counseling. You understand what I'm saying? But the one reason I do have some confidence is because I have confidence in the Word of God. And so we're just going to teach verse by verse on what the Bible says. And the Word of God is not just true,

it's trustworthy. And that God has given us his word that would be applicable and relevant to all people at all times in every culture. So my job is not to try to make this relevant. My job is trying to help you understand what God's word says about you. So I would highly encourage you to just forget. I just pray the Spirit of God would help you forget any silliness that I may add to this. And you could just kind of eat the meat and spit out the bones.

And we're going to dig in to what God's word says. And so, if you go back to the very beginning, Genesis 1.27, the Bible says this about men and women. It says, God created mankind in his own image. You see, God is a triune God, one God, and three persons. And the three persons of God are equally valuable that live together in mutual submission, in love for one another, that God loves God's self. And no one person of the Trinity is any more or less valuable than any other person of the Trinity, but each person of the Trinity. but each person of the Godhead functioned with a unique role. And this is how we are created male and female.

So God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them. So male and female were God's idea. I know that we live in a culture right now that doesn't want to categorize people male and female, but God decided to. This was his idea. And that God's idea is that both male and female, individually and then also when they come together in marriage would put on display the glory of God.

And that God created us male and female, this is very important, to complement one another, never to be in competition with one another. And so, men, the reason God made you a man is to put on display the glory of God and what it means to be a godly man. Last year, we spent five weeks talking about what this means. 1 Corinthians 16, 13 to 14, be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong, and let all that you do be done in love. So, if you want to know what it looks like to put the glory of God on display as a man,

go back to that series and relist them. We spent five weeks on it. Women, the reason that God created you a woman is to display the glory of God and what it means to be a godly woman. Now, if you're wondering, why did you do five weeks on men and all? only one week on women because that's about usually how it goes. Guys, not as smart. It takes them a lot longer to catch up to what God has for them. You understand?

And so, ladies, here we go. We're going to dig in. Proverbs chapter 31. Now, the interesting thing is, the reason we put this on the end of Ruth, you know, we got rained out last year, is because in the Old Testament, Hebrew Bible, originally, they didn't order the books the same way that we have in our current Bibles. And the book of Ruth followed the book of Proverbs. And Proverbs has 31 chapters in it, and the 31st chapter is entitled,

A Worthy Woman or a Godly Woman or a Wife of Excellency. And then I think what was going on here is it rolls out like the characteristics or character of a godly woman, and then you turn the page and here's Ruth. And I think what's going on here is in the book of Proverbs, it's saying, this is what a godly woman looks like, and then the next page, Exhibit A, here's Ruth, a real-life girl living this thing. out. And so we're going to pick it up in verse 10. It says this, an excellent wife who can find. And a bunch of the single guys are like, yep, I can't find one anywhere. All right. That's not what that

means. An excellent wife who can find. This phrase excellent wife is the exact same thing that Boaz called Ruth in Ruth 311. It was translated in Ruth, worthy woman. And so single men, find them. That means that you've got to be the initiator, you've got to go look, and I meet a bunch of Christian guys that kind of sin in their passivity, and they're like, man, I'm just waiting on the Lord to send me a girl. Bro, you don't treat lunch that way. When you get hungry, you get up and you go look, you don't be like, dear God, help the taco truck. Stop at my house. No, bro. You go look. And godly single girls, be found. Remember, we studied in Ruth, I'm not saying that a girl should pursue a guy, but I am saying she could kind of, you know,

get in his way sometimes and hope it works out. And I want to say this before we really dig into the text, that Proverbs 31 is written in the context of a loving, godly wife married to a loving godly man. And that may not be your story. That may not be your situation. And so that's the way the text is going to roll out, but I would just say this. Some of you married a guy and he's not a believer, it's just kind of a boy that can shave. He does not treat you the way God would have a godly man treat his wife. Some of you are divorced or divorced again or widowed or a single mom or whatever your story may be. I would just say this, where the ideal is lacking grace abounds. Where the ideal is lacking grace abounds. It's also why you were called to be a part of the family

of God that the church historically is kind of isolated folks like that. And what we would say is get in the middle of the herd. We love you, and you have a place right here in this church. And so it says, an excellent wife who can find, she is far more precious than jewels. Listen here, fellas, that your wife is a gift. She is a gift from God. And she's more precious than jewels.

What this means is your wife should have a no-compete clause in your life. That other than your relationship with Jesus, she should feel like the most important thing in your whole world. that she's more important than your money, she's more important than your job, she's more important than your dumb friends, and she's more important than your dumb hobbies. By the way, if you're married with kids, you only get one hobby, fellows, choose wisely. Now, I would point out that like hunting turkey and hunting deer and hunting elk, that's just hunting, that's only one. But I digress. You see, the deal is, when you made a covenant, you didn't, you're not even supposed to be, like, committed to the marriage.

You need to be committed to this woman, because you can get another marriage, but there's only one her. that you should treat her like a blood-bought gift from the almighty God, because she is far more precious than jewels. Ladies, the question is, are you a gift? Are you a gift to your husband? Proverbs 124 says this, An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

It seems to me that there is no neutral. You'll either be a crown or a cancer. to your family. That's it. And listen, hear me. If immediately you begin to feel defensive, then a crown doesn't get defensive. I would highly encourage you to please hear this message from a pastor that loves you, a brother that cares from you for you, for someone that just wants what's best for you. And in the moment, any time, anytime you begin to feel defensive, just understand that that defensiveness does not come from the Holy Spirit of God. Now, if you hear condemnation, that is a lie from the enemy because therefore now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

But the Holy Spirit of God does convict hearts because he loves you so much to bring that hammer and that chisel to your life and chisel everything in your life away that does not look like Jesus. And so are you a crown or are you a cancer? You see, he goes on to say the heart of her husband trusts in her, trust in her. And he will have no lack of gain. You see, the reason that he can trust in her is because she is trustworthy, that she is consistently honest with him. Are you trustworthy?

Or do you kind of run two lives? She didn't keep secrets from her husband. She didn't lie to her husband. She doesn't have this little conversation with the kids, like, hey, we're just going to keep this between us. She includes him and all the parenting decisions. She also doesn't run like a little rogue bank account on the side that she keeps from him, because that's not a trustworthy thing to do.

She also doesn't like, take the, family budget that says groceries and do the grocery shopping at Target because they also have clothes at Target. You hear that nervous laughter? How do you know? That's not trustworthy. That she doesn't have a separate life with her family and a separate online life. There would be no shame in every text that she's ever sent and who she's sending them to. She doesn't have this little secret kind of social media world going on. That she is a trustworthy woman. And he will have no lack of gain. The implication here is, and it comes up a bunch in Proverbs 31, the implication is that he could not be the success that he is without her help and support.

That every time you look at the success of this man, then right behind it, you see this very, very supportive wife. Verse 12, she does him good and not harm all the days of her life. ladies if you're married do you do your husband good or are you trying to train him those are two different things it feels good to you because you finally get him to act the way that you want him to act like you've got the toilet seat wherever it's supposed to be and the bed's made and he comes home on time and here's just the reality it feels good to you it feels like a hostile takeover to him you see the Bible says this in Ephesians chapter 5, some of your favorite verses, I'm sure you've had to memorize, you've probably got them on a sweatshirt somewhere. Here's what it says,

wives submit to your own husband. Now I know that word submit is not very popular anymore, but neither is staying married. It says this, wives submit to your own husband as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husband. husbands. A couple of things. It says, wives, submit to your own husbands. Nowhere in the Bible ever does it say women should submit to men. Absolutely not. If anybody's ever said that, they're not talking about the Bible. The only place where the submission happens is in the authority that God has

established as the headship where he has given men authority over the home, and then there are specific roles in the church. And this word submit, a lot of times you reject it because what you're rejecting is some kind of 1950s, leave it to be a caricature of what submission it is. Submission is not, it has nothing to do with like, who makes the rules and who works and who cooks and who's clean, who cleans. The submission is just to lower yourself to make much of somebody else. In fact, the verse right above it says that husbands and wives ought to submit themselves to one another out of reverence for Christ. That a really good marriage is about mutual submission. In fact, in a really good marriage, it's hard to get out of the house because you're standing at the door going,

no, you go first. No, baby, you go first. No, I don't want to. I think you should go first. you're late to everything because you just can't get anywhere because you're mutually submitted to one another. It says, wives, submit to your husband as unto the Lord. Here's what submit is. Here's what your husband needs from you. What he really needs from you is your respect. You see, because in the heart and soul of every man is this fundamental question deep down in there, do we have what it takes? And here's the crazy thing. We know the actual answer is, nope, nope, and we're terrified of it. We're terrified that we would be exposed. We're terrified. We'd let you down. We'd let our boss down. We'd let our kids down. We're terrified of it. And quite honestly, every dude in here and in all of our

locations, we've never graduated emotionally from about the eighth grade. It's just a fact. And from zero to whenever we met you, we were trying to prove that we had what it takes, first of all, to our dad, whether he was there or not. And then you walked into our life with your pretty hair and your sweet smells. And then we puffed out our chest and we've been trying to prove that we have what it takes to you from then on. And the reality is, we all know that apart from Christ, we don't. But the gospel teaches us that His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness. In other words, God has equipped everybody to do exactly what God has called us to do. And then God puts you wives into our lives as the loudest echo of the truth of God for you to say,

you got this, baby. You can do this. I think one of a really legitimate translation of, of Ephesians 5, wives submit to your husbands and respect your husband is this. What this means is not that you don't get to make decisions or he makes the, that's dumb. What it means is this. If you were submitting to your husband as unto the Lord, it's because you make him feel like the man. You echo the confidence that God has put in him when God equipped him to be the head of the house and called him to be a man. Now, the problem is is that every single one of you are a daughter of Eve

and you have the curse of Eve. It's just part of what it is. You see, Eve was created to be a helpmate. The first thing that's not good in creation is God looks at Adam and says it's not good for man to be alone. And so I will make a helper suitable for you. Now, don't get hung up on the word helper because everywhere else in the Old Testament,

that word helper is used. It's used to describe God. helping Israel. So this isn't devaluing. This doesn't mean weaker. What this means is if you couldn't pick up a box and you were like, Joby, will you help me pick up the box and then I help pick the thing up? Who's the weaker one? The one that had the ability to help? No, no, no. You see, wives, we need you. And you were created to be a helper. You have this thing that God put in you to make things better. But when sin entered the world and the curse happens not only did God curse man and woman and work and this world.

But in his curse to Eve, he says, your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you. And what that word desire, it doesn't mean like, I desire you, because that's not a curse at all. You're like, well, curse my wife a little bit, all right? That'd be awesome.

It means this. It means like a willingness or a wanting to overthrow, to usurp authority. But just the crazy thing, God made you a helper, but you've also got this desire to be the boss. And so here's how this plays out. What feels like helping from your perspective

feels like a hostile takeover from your husband's perspective. And instead of doing him good, it feels like he's kind of like a dog on the leash and you're training. Come on, come on, it's time to go. Yes, ma'am, all right? And the reality is, is you are not your husband's Holy Spirit.

You see, here's how this plays out. here's how this plays out. And honestly, as I say this, you're going to be like, I've never thought of this way before, because you think you're helping. You and your husband are out somewhere, and you're with a bunch of friends, and your husband begins to tell a story.

But he doesn't know how to tell a story right. He gets all the details wrong. And immediately, you think, glory to God, how blessed is he, that I am here to correct all of his mistakes here in this story? And he's like, hey, you remember, there we were five years ago. It was Memorial Day, we were at the beach. You know, like, actually, babe, it was 10 years ago.

it was full of July and we were at the lake. And then you legitimately think, ha, ha, ha, helper. And he thinks hostile takeover because what he heard is, you little dummy, you don't even have what it takes to tell a story. You see?

And honest to goodness, how important are those details to the lies that he is about to tell to try to make himself look awesome in front of all his friends? They are irrelevant. And so, in what it means,

It's to be the wife that God has called you to be, is to encourage and to respect and to use your words wisely. The opposite of that is what the Bible would call nagging. And nagging is just a constantly telling him where he is wrong. The Bible has some very specific language around this. It says this in Proverbs 21-9, it is better to live in the corner of a house top than in a house shared with a nagging wife. This is God. God leaning and go, hey, bro, you might want to get your sleeping bag and stuff. Well, ha, I think you should move out on the roof.

Really, it's raining. Trust me, it's better. What if lightning strikes me? Maybe I'll save you that way, okay? A continual dripping on a raining day and a nagging wife are alike. So if you're living with that, God says, it's kind of like waterboarding. I feel like I'm going to die. I know.

That's what it's like. Drip, drip, drip, drip. My favorite one, Proverbs 2119, 19, it is better to live in a desert land than with a nagging and fretful woman. that God leans in. It's like, hey, well, get your stuff, just move to the desert. This isn't like Arizona, you understand? Do you know the kind of things that happened in the Bible, in the desert? The nation of Israel wandered around and were lost for a generation.

Jesus went eyeball to eyeball with the devil in the desert. God says, hey, bro, pack your stuff, you should go to the desert. And you're like, yeah, but maybe I'll dive hydration and the buzzers will eat out my eyeballs. And God's like, yep, better. She does him good and not harm. She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. Man, years ago, I think it was about six years ago, I met this girl in the gym who was attending 1122 when we were service at beach. And she was like, hey, listen, pastor, I can't get my husband to come to church.

What do I do? He's a doctor and he plays golf every Sunday. And so every Sunday when I get up and go to church, I get my Bible and I get dressed and I go and I tell him that he should be going and he should be going. Then when I get home, I re-preach the message to him and show him. He's wasting his life out there, and he should be going to church. And I'm like, drip, drip, drip, drop, stop. Because all you're communicating is, and even though she is right, that's irrelevant, what you're communicating is you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong.

I was like, what if you did this thing the other way? And yes, God puts us together as husbands and wife. It's the most sanctifying thing you'll ever do is get married. I didn't realize what a selfish slob I was until I getting married, okay? But God says that it's his kindness that leads to repentance. So what if we tried it God's way? That just being sweet about it, being encouraging about it, will do more than anything else. And so I told her, I was like, here's what you should do.

Every time you go to church, every time you feel like you're growing in the Lord, then you don't point out all the wrong things he's doing. Why don't you just love him more? Why don't you just be the wife that God has called followers of Jesus to be? And every time you go to church, every time you take him, take a step of faith towards Jesus that your husband who has nothing to do with that, that he actually wins, that he is the beneficiary of that, because what will begin to happen is maybe not overnight, but over time, he will begin to see the fruit of the spirit in your life and go,

what happened? I mean, there's love and joy and peace, not that you're perfect, but something's different. And then you can point to the cross and be like, hey, you know that thing I've been going to every weekend? It is changing me. So that was the tactic that she tried for a season of her life. Now that brother is a deacon in our church. Amen. Amen. She did him good and not harm. He goes on to say this. She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands, not martyred hands. Everybody see what I'm doing? By the way, husbands and kids, you better thank Mama for all the hard work she does. But she works with willing hands. And she is like the ships of the merchant. She brings her food from afar. So you know what this means? There's no problem in takeout,

ladies, all right? She says, I ain't cooking. I'm getting my food from afar, all right? So there's a verse for you. Have fun with that. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maiden. She considers a field and buys it. With the fruit of her hand, she plants a vineyard.

Listen, she is a hardworking woman. Not only is she running a business, actually looks like she's the CEO of multiple businesses, and she's making deals, but it's never to the neglect of her family. You see, church, we don't need any more real housewives of 1122. We need some real godly women of 1122. And we have a bunch for sure. But beware of the woman that never graduates from playing with Barbies. That when she was a kid, she played with little toy clothes and little toy jeeps and little toy houses.

And then she got older, and now she's just still playing with jeeps and clothes and houses. You were not created to spend 99.9% of your time entertaining you. you were created to put on display the glory of God. Do you know the first evangelist in the Bible were women? They ran to the tomb while all the men were hiding. That from the tomb to the day, yes, Jesus Christ is the head of the church, but the backbone has been a bunch of faithful women. You put on display the glory of God.

And a question I get asked all the time here is, what do I think about wives and moms working outside of the home? And I'll say this. it doesn't really matter what I think. What matters is what the scripture says. And so, what matters is what God thinks. I'll say this. I'll say this.

There's no more respected and valuable job than staying home and raising kids. And there are some of you that are working, and you should go home. You should go home. Because the reason that you are working is because you're in love with the money, you're in love with the lifestyle, and you're not willing. to give that up. Or the reason that you're working is because you're believing the lie that somebody told you this was the path that you have to run to be a woman today. And some of you need to go home. And there are some of you wives and mamas that are working and you need to work less. And you

need to go to your boss tomorrow and say, this schedule it and working. Here, how about this schedule? And you need to do something different for the sake of your family. And I've had some women say to me, yeah, but I want it all. You want all what? At the expense of what? And then there are some of you, tune in here, there are some of you that are stay-at-home moms, and you need to go to work for the sake of your children. You're driving them crazy. And the reality is you're at home in a disobedient way for actually the same reasons that some of the wives are at work in a disobedient way.

Because you've got some caricature of what it means to be a godly woman that you're trying to live up to. instead of being the you that God created you to be. So should you work? Depends on what the Holy Spirit says to you. Have you ever actually asked God what he wants you specifically to do? In the scriptures, all three categories of godly women are prevalent throughout the Bible. There are some stay-at-home moms. There are some women that work.

It looks like they've got enough time to launch churches out of their homes. And then the Proverbs 31 woman is a boss, CEO, making decisions, and that's where she is. but it's never to the neglect of their family. When's the last time you asked the Holy Spirit what you should do? I would suggest you do that. You ask him and then do what he says. And you be the you that God created you to be. There is no cookie cutter formula of what a godly woman looks like.

There's only the you that he created you to be. And this isn't the worst idea ever. Ask your husband what he thinks. And provide him the space to speak honestly into it. verse 17 and she dresses herself with strength and she makes her arm strong so work out no that's not what it means i love this man she dresses herself with strength that means like when you get dressed you you you take something that's not on you and you put it on you so she puts on strength every day and let me say this to you ladies that man strength fits you so well strength fits you so well there is nothing more attractive

than a woman who's got confidence in the Lord for who he created her to be. And yet the reality is, is that most of you are clothed in insecurity that manifests itself in two primary ways. Perfectionism and comparison. Most women I know, man, you're clothed in this deep insecurity, and it manifests itself primarily in perfectionism. This is where you're trying to live up to the self-imposed, that you've created in the twisted places in your mind, and when you can't reach your own twisted ideal, you are miserable. And it paralyzes you.

It shows up in a bunch of ways, man. It shows up in your home. That you're so concerned about what your home looks like, because all you ever do is watch HGTV and think, if it doesn't look like this, somehow I'm letting my family down. Your family probably doesn't care at all. You're just letting you down. And so you can't even actually take a breath and enjoy. this incredible blessing of a home that God has given you because you're always just trying to

it's got to look a certain way this perfectionism is paralyzing to you listen man I get it Gretchen keeps our house just people walking our home they're like are you selling your house I'm like why do you ask that because look at the way it looks I'm like this is just how she does it and I have learned to call before I come home instead of just show up so I try to call on the way when I've got surprised guests hey baby how are you just wanted you know Pedy and Doug are in the truck and can't wait to come home and see you and she's like what Why are you just bringing them here? You didn't even give me a heads up.

You know, I'm doing laundry and da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And I know my boys are listening to me. I'm like, yeah, me too. I'm so blessed that we've got friends that just love to stop over anytime. Uh-huh. All right. Love you too. See you in nine minutes.

And then I know what happens, right? It's running around. It's got the kids running around doing the flight of the bumblebee. There's underwear in the oven. There's, you know, socks are in the cabinets, all this stuff. And then the crazy thing is we walk in, and they walk in first. And Gretchen greets us with an apron on baking cookies. They're like, wow.

And I'm like, glory to God. And they think that's how we live all the time. It's crazy. And I'm like, dude, don't look in the oven. My underwear are in there. You understand? Perfectionism shows up in your friendships. You've got this kind of false caricature or idealism of what a good girlfriend is to be.

And you're consistently let down. Because they didn't like your Facebook post or they didn't retweet you or they didn't call you back. Or they just showed you evidence that they needed a savior. It shows up in your appearance. Shows up in your appearance. You're just trying to be perfect. It shows up in your marriage. And instead of finding your identity in Jesus,

you're putting all of your validation in your performance as a mom or a friend or a worker or a wife. And that is works-based righteousness. It is a lie from the pit of hell. And it's rooted in insecurity instead of security of your salvation in Jesus. Another way that it plays out is in comparison. that your insecurity, in your insecurity, you compare what you know about yourself to what you don't know about everybody else. And you cannot keep it up. And it is killing you.

Stop it. Pinterest is not your friend. It is not. Not if it stirs a discontentment in you that is not from the Lord. It is not your friend. And you know what one of the worst things in the world you could do to a group of people that struggle with insecurity played out in comparison? connect them to every other person in the entire world with a camera on your phone. I'm telling you, because what begins to happen is you compare your unfiltered life to everybody else's filtered life.

I'm telling you, it's a lie. You wake up in the morning and you scroll through, and it's not real. Because that girl that you're looking at that you're comparing yourself to, she did not just wake up and take a picture. She woke up, she got out of bed, she put on makeup, she did her hair, she got on just the right clothes. She got back into bed, pulled up the colors, and go, women crush Wednesday, just hanging out. No, you're not. It might be a really great idea as we move into this time of fasting

that you just fast social media from now until saturated. Just you can get a breath. You see, clothe yourself in strength. It goes on, she's back to work now. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle. Again, she's a ball.

She's a CEO. She's taking care of her family. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. That she is a generous woman. Just because she's got some money in her pocket, she doesn't immediately think, I'll go shopping for me. She never thinks more is mine. She thinks that she has been blessed to be a blessing.

And she leads the way in this. Verse 21, she's not afraid of snow for her household. For all her household are clothed and scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself. and her clothing is fine linen and purple. Verse 23. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. The implication here, again, this is at least the second time this implication is made,

that the reason that she has a successful husband is because of the foundation that she has helped lay at her house. I mean, listen, behind every successful man, there's a surprise mother-in-law. That's a fact. But what's going on here is that she understands. She understands why God created her. You see, in the Bible, when God says it's not good for man to be alone, I will create a helper suitable for you. That word helper is Azaire, E-Z-E-R.

It means like essential counterpart, not less than. See, one of the things I get to do, I've been to ministry for 20-plus years, and in my, I'm 43 years old, and I traveled, I really traveled the world now pouring into young pastors, new church planners, that kind of thing. thing. Get invited because of you. I get invited to go all over the place. And one of the things I talk about often that we talk about on our staff, Pastor Britt and I talk about ad nauseum is this. I look at these men and say, listen, you will either marry your lid or you'll marry a launch pad. There is no neutral. This woman, this Proverbs 31 woman, is a lift to her husband, not a lid. And I don't know

how it works in your industry, all right? I do church stuff, have for 20 plus years. But I know a whole bunch of brothers that it seemed God gifted this man in an incredible way and had incredible vision for what he could do and and and and and and he is held back because the wife that he's married to doesn't have a big enough vision for what God called them to do now listen you should never sacrifice your family on the altar of ministry that is not what I'm saying but but Psalm 34 says come and let us worship the Lord together let us serve the Lord together man God bless me like crazy because I got to marry a launch pad. We do this thing together, together.

I mean, without Gretchen Martin, there is no Church of 1122. When this whole thing began to start, and I'm in my kitchen, praying and begging God and being really, really nervous, Gretchen would speak words of faith into me, as if she was speaking on behalf of God. Like when she got finished talking, she could have said, Thus sayeth the Lord, mic drop, okay?

It was like that. Because when I, in the insecure places in my heart, when I knew I didn't have what it takes, she would let me know, hey, listen, because I would say, what if we're making up this whole thing? What if I'm not supposed to plan a church? What if we're supposed to move somewhere? That'd be way easier on her family. And she would say to me, God did not call us to easy. He called us to faithful. And maybe if you have questions and you don't know if you're hearing from the Lord right now, we've got elders in your life.

He'll tell them, they'll tell you, we'll do that. You see, I married a launch pad. And then we decided that she would come home just based on launching this church. And when she came home, she changed her occupation status on Facebook to C-O-O-O of Martin Incorporated. They ain't no Martin Incorporated. It's just three of us plus her, you understand? But what she was saying is, I got this, baby. I've got this.

So that you can do what God called us to do together. And we serve him together. So wives, honest to goodness, are you a lid or a lid? lift because this wife now for the second time her husband realizes wow I wouldn't be where I am without her she makes linen garments and sells them she delivers sashes to the merchant verse 28 strength and dignity are her clothing so earlier it says she dresses herself in strength so we talked about strength for a second and now she's going to add something to it strength and dignity are her clothing once again you put on clothing you're not born with clothing so she's

She's not born with strength, and she's not born with dignity. Her strength is found in the Lord, and because she is a daughter of the most high king that makes her a princess, a literal princess, and she understands her value, therefore every single day in a world that is lying to her and trying to objectify her, she discards that lie from the enemy, and she puts on the strength of the Lord, and she puts on dignity, because any daughter of the king is a dignified woman. and yet somehow, in my generation, so many women have lost your dignity. You're just not treating yourself as valuable as God would treat you.

You see a selfie showing half your boobs isn't dignified. It doesn't fit you. Stop it. And you teach people how to treat you. And so if you treat yourself like an object on Facebook or whatever, then don't expect anybody else to treat you any different. And the reason I tell you that is because I got a little seven-year-old girl, and I refuse to let this world objectify her. And honestly, man, it hurts my heart when I see 11-22 or is not understanding how valuable you are.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are knit together in your mother's womb. You are so valuable. The Bible says that you are not your own. You are bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body. That God looked at you and said, I'll take it. I'll buy you with the blood of my sense.

there is nothing more valuable than that. And so be dignified because you're a daughter of the king. Also, allowing someone that has not made a lifelong covenant to you to sleep with you isn't dignified. It does not fit you. Stop it. Do you know how valuable you are? Nobody just gets to handle you like you're just common. You're not common.

You're not. You see, you are so valuable that the only person that gets to touch you, you that way is somebody that would have to commit their entire life to you. You cost their entire life and to require anything less than that is undignified. Stop it. You are worth so much more than that. And if you're like, yeah, but if I don't do that, he'll leave me. Then guess what, darling, it is fourth and long. It is time to punt. Because love is patient. And if he can't be patient with you, he doesn't love you. He just loves him and the way you make him feel. That is dangerous, dangerous, dangerous.

But then also, older women. The Bible says older women should train younger women, older women. Older women. And right now, if you're going, am I an older woman? You've actually been older a lot longer than you realize, okay? So that's just true. It's all right. You look great.

Older women, gossiping about younger sisters in the faith instead of helping them is not dignified. It does not fit you. Stop it. Stop it. You see, it's so much easier to criticize than it is to care for somebody. This is a big reason you need to be in a disciple group. And it's also a reason we don't do like age-graded disciple groups.

I don't want all the 20-year-olds together in one place talking about how to live life. The concentration of that ignorance is terrifying. You understand? We need people of all generation mixing with other people of all generations and with tenderness and love and not a critical heart. You can look at somebody and go, whoa, whoa, Donald. You are too valuable for that. And we can care for one another. Because not only is this church all about reaching one more,

but every single one of us matters to God. And so clothe yourself with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the time to come. And she opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. Do you speak kindly? Do you speak kindly? When is the last time you spoke kindly to your husband?

This is an easy one to check, too. Just check your text. because there's a transcript of the last things. Just check your last hundred texts. And was it mostly thank you or is it mostly task? Speak kindly. You see, because the crazy thing is this, girls, somehow God has given you with the ability of your tongue

to either speak life into something, to be fertilizer to a growing soul, to encourage your man like nothing else in the world, or like a ninja assassin, come here and slice them at the jugular and watch him bleed out slowly. Like I'm telling you, I experienced this, man. I'm a tough-skinned guy.

I really am. You have to be, especially in this day and age of social media, to do this job. You should hear some of the outlandish negative things people say to me and about me. And you know what? There's two things. Jimmy cracks corn. I don't care. There's a whole Facebook thread right now about what an evil person I am.

Whatever. Somebody's trying to read it to me. I was like, just stop. I don't care. I don't care. There's a whole little fake magazine around town that did whole articles about what a terrible human I am. All right. In fact, a few weeks ago, when we were about to launch our 722 service at Mandarin, we sent that from my personal email address. And everybody we had an email address on,

they saw that as a great opportunity to just come after me. Man, this guy, he responded with some vile stuff. Said, I was the problem with Jacksonville. I was the problem with humanity. I could take my Jesus fairy dust somewhere else. It was F-bomb and all this stuff. And you know what it did? I just replied back to him. So am I not going to see it at 722? I thought that. That was hilarious. And he would be amazed at how little I think about that. At best, at night, I'd say a prayer. I pray for these dudes, man.

I'm like, what is wrong with you? What kind of daddy wound are you still working out? That you've got to attack me. Bro, don't go to church here. No problem. No problem. But, man, my wife, with the slightest word, can just ruin my day. It is crazy.

The power, ladies, that God has. as given you for good or harm. There is one person I ask after the sermon if they thought it was good or not. It ain't an elder. It's not one of the pastors. It's not one of the pros. I ask my wife. And honestly, God, I don't even care if she tells me the truth.

She's like, baby, that's amazing. Thank you, darling. Okay? It is crazy. I mean, I run this, you know, I'm a relatively successful, grown man, do all kind of stuff, plant churches and speak to people and all of that. And yet, when I go home this afternoon, if she can't open the, the, peanut butter jar and she's like can you get that for me and I go and she goes oh you're so strong

I'm like hercules hurgolese ha you see the Bible says in 1st Corinthians 13 love keeps no record of wrong so are you just pointing out with your words what's wrong all the time that word's a loggizomai legetso my means you don't even talk about that stuff and love keeps no record wrong but I would say you should have a long record of right you should be an expert in the strengths of your husband and you should tell him you should tell him she looks well to the ways of her household and she does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and called her blessed. And this is where some of you are like, yep, this must be a mythical book. No, man, listen, do you play with them? Do you catch them doing what's right? When you call your children's

name, is it mostly blessing or fussing? Because your kids will reflect you back to you. I'm not saying you're perfect. We're going to lose our mind on our kids this week. This is why God gave them to us so we know that we would need a savior, okay? But she soes blessing into her children and they bless her back. And then her husband also, he praises her. Fellas, how's your list coming? I mean, seriously, have you written it out yet? You should praise her privately.

You should praise her publicly. Anything that you think in your mind. Because here's our problem, man. We feel it and then we don't say it. And that's worthless. That's worthless. He praises her. And he's praising her humility and her holiness and her hard work.

And here's what he says. He says, many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all. This is brilliant. What he is saying is actually attacking the insecurity that manifests itself in two ways. He says, many women done excellently, but you, there's no comparison. I can't even compare you to anybody else because they don't even compare. And to the perfectionism, what he's saying is this, man, in my eyes, you are perfect. You are perfect.

You realize when God made Adam, and he said it's not good for man to be. be alone. And so he gave him Eve. He just made one Eve, period. You know what this means, husbands? That your standard of perfection, your standard of beauty is your wife. Period. There's no, they didn't do The Bachelor when they started scrolling girls through and he's like, nah, nah, maybe okay. No. Your standard of beauty is your wife. Somebody asked me one time, hey, man, are you into blondes or brunettes? I was like, man, I used to really be into blondes. And then like that, I just was a brunette guy. You know why? Because one day, because I'm, because I'm married Gretchen, she had blonde hair back in the day.

And then God did a miracle. I don't know what happened. I came home one day and this is another lady. Hey, hey, hey, what happened? She goes, you like it? I go, well, I like you and you like that. So I like that. Okay, I'm with you.

That's it. And so with his words, man, he creates the kind of environment that she can be everything God had called her to be. Husbands, are you creating that kind of environment primarily with your words? Does your wife have a safe place to grow and blossom and be the her that God had in mind when he created her. He goes on to say, charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.

Are you spending as much time on your heart, ladies, as you are what you look like? Listen, man, I'm not, like work out, be a good steward, be healthy, paint your nails, whatever you're into, okay, no problem, unless you're putting your hope and identity in that place. Because the reality is this, especially if you're younger, listen to me, time and gravity are not your friend. If you're 20 and all pretty, bless your heart.

Okay, great. Time and gravity are not your friend. And if you put your identity in what you look like, it will let you down. I promise. And if you've got a little change, you can fight it for a while. Okay? I mean, you can. And whatever, if you want to do that, I don't know.

That's between you and Jesus and your husband and your bank account. But I'm telling me, if you put your identity there, you're going to lose your mind. Because you can stretch it and tuck it and stick it. and tan it and clip it and highlight it and add some more to it and wrap it around and suck it out and all that but eventually you look like a trash bag full of water it's just crazy you're like okay you are like a mr potato head or something's crazy you know what proverbs 1122 says like a like a gold ring and a pig snout as a woman without discretion like you could look like all that but you ain't got jesus in here you would look at him and go what a waste what a waste what a waste of a

of a human. Like if you walked up to a pig with a 24-carat gold ring in its nose, you'd be like, who wasted that on that? You see, charm is deceitful and beauties in vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised, give her the fruit of her hands and let her works be praised in the gates. Here's the point. The point comes kind of halfway from Romans chapter 12. That's the meat of it, this verse, but a kind of a little commentary in it.

That's why I didn't reference it. Ladies, don't be conformed to the pattern of this world. In other words, don't fall into the trap by letting this world tell you who to be. Because this world wants to define you by your performance, by your appearance, by your marital status, by your production, by what you look like, by what you do, by what you've done, by your past, by your sins, by your unmet expectations. That's what this world is trying to define you by. because if this world can label you, then it can deal with the label, it does not have to die. It does not have to deal with you.

And Jesus did not die for a label. Jesus died for you. And he created you the way he wanted you. And so do not be conformed to the pattern of this world by letting this world get to tell you what is important and valuable. You are valuable because Christ died for you. And so you be the you that God created you to be. You find your identity in Christ, not the activities of this temporary world.

do not be conformed by the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind in other words be the woman that God created you to be and don't make Eve's mistake and let the serpent rob you of joy because of promises of bigger and better things outside of the will of God your greatest joy and satisfaction will be found in the perfect will of God for you that you were created for His glory

and so therefore now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus the goal here is not to walk out and try harder to be a better woman instead what we do is we rest in the finished work of Jesus when Jesus says it is finished that counted for you too you don't have to live up to anybody's expectations of you that you can just breathe in and breathe out and rest in the sovereign grace of God You see, there needs to be no condemnation. Jesus doesn't give us condemnation.

He gives us an invitation that says this, come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden. And ladies, this world is lying to you and trying to heap upon you a burden that you will never be able to keep up with or bear. And Jesus says, if that's you, if you have been looking for your identity in your performance or your appearance or your status,

then he goes, come to me. And I will give you rest and take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. That's what he has for you. So there is no condemnation, only an invitation to lay down the lives of this world and to pick up the easy, restful yoke of Jesus Christ. Would you please stand and pray with me? our good and gracious heavenly father god we love you because you first loved us and god we thank you and we praise you for every woman at 1122 god the newborn baby is being rocked right now all the way up

to the great great grandmas that are here and everyone in between god we thank you when we praise you for the faithful women throughout church history because the church would not be where it is without their faithfulness and hard work and god i pray that they would know that the end enemy has no claim in them. Lord, I pray they would recognize the lies of the enemy, and you would keep those lies far from them, and they would fix their eyes on you, and you along the author and the perfector of our faith. They would not be insecure, but they would be dressed in the strength of the Lord. They would put on the dignity that comes with being a daughter of the Most High King. And God, when they saw other girls struggling, they would not criticize they would care.

And God, this entire church would be lifted because godly women played their role here. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. A church, we always respond to the gospel, primarily in three ways. One is we join our voices together to sing. Secondly, we bring God his tithes and offerings, our first and our best because he first loved us by giving his best in Jesus. And then we pray. We pray.

This would be a great time to pray. If you're a single girl, this would be a great time to grab one of your girlfriends, and y'all come down here and you pray together. you're a married man, this will be an incredible time for you to take your wife by the hand and come down and pray over her. If you're a married woman, this will be a great time to look at your husband and say, would you please pray for me? And husbands, don't freak out. The music's loud. They can't even hear you. You just get down here and just say whatever you want. Okay, God knows. God knows. But a great revival is always preceded by preaching and prayer.

So we're going to sing and we're going to bring and we're going to pray. Won't you come pray?